Chapter 3 Julie tells mom.

Charlie returns with the stethoscope, sits against the wall by the office door, putting the earpieces in, and the pickup against the door panel.

The first thing I heard was Julie “You have done an extraordinary job educating your kids. I believe Charlie could do fine in college right now. He amazes me how mature and articulate he is.”

“But?”

“I see where he gets it from.”

“What do you mean?”

“Charlie read me, the way you just did.”

“I am very proud of both of them, but what’s the but?”

“You have inadvertently run an interesting experiment on your children.” I was thinking, just spit it out Julie and could visualize mom glowering the same message. “You have raised them in an isolated environment, treating them the same without regard to gender, and without male role models. I theorize that this is why they both had rather unusual scores on the Prince-Hopkins gender scale. Most boys score in the 80% to 95% range and most girls in the 5% to 25% range. Charly scored 50% and TJ 45%.”

“What are you saying? That I have confused them about gender?”

“No. Charly knows he is a boy, because as he says he can point and shoot. It’s that he doesn’t feel there is much difference between being a boy or a girl. When I asked if he ever wished he was a girl, he answered no, he was just happy being himself, and being a boy or a girl didn’t have much to do with it.”

“You think this is going to cause problems?”

“Yes. He was rejected by 12-13 yr old playgroup, ostensibly for lack of knowledge of pro football, but I’m afraid the problem is deeper. And I’m afraid the problem will only be worse with 15 and 16 year old boys.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“I am thinking we should give Charlie the option of attending school as a transgender girl. Then he could the go to St. Katherine’s where he would be more sheltered and you could watch over him better.”

“But I don’t think he is transgender. He said he never wanted to be a girl.”

“He never had any reason to. You let him be as girly or as boyish as he wanted without censure. I don’t think he is classic transgender. But he has many feminine mannerisms and speech patterns. He could easily be called gender fluid. That won’t get him into St Katherines, which I believe would be the best place for him, but transgender would. Besides, it would be a great opportunity for him to explore the feminine world.”

“Do you think you can be objective on this?”

“No. But the final decision has to be Charlie’s. I know I’m not objective, but I feel it’s the best solution.”

“But you said he doesn’t want to be a girl.”

“But he hadn’t really thought about it and he didn’t really want to be a boy either. He is sort of agender. It would be a chance to sample the other side.”

“ I think you are projecting your own feelings.”

“Probably, but I feel we would only be offering another option.”

“I’m not sure.”

“Charlie is exceptionally mature. I think the best thing we can do is trust him to make the right decision for himself.”

“Your probably right, but it still doesn’t feel right.”

“We wouldn’t do anything irreversible for years.”

“I still have reservations, but let’s go ahead. Depending on his decision, we won’t have much time.”

“One more thing. I think this would be a good time to tell them about me and their father.”

“That has always been your decision to make. I’ll be happy any time you want to tell them. If your ready, I think it’s time for a family meeting.”

“I’m ready. I want to do this!”

I scrambled away from the door and into the kitchen.

Chapter 3 Family meeting

Mom yelled out “Charlie, TJ into the living room. Now!”

After the four of us got comfortably seated. Mom said, “Dr. West has some things to tell us.”

“First, when it’s just this group I prefer Julie or Aunt Julie to Dr. West. Second Charlie and TJ, I am your biological father.”

For someone who is normally incredibly obtuse, she really just spit it out this time.

After an uncomfortably long silence, TJ asked: “Can we call you dad?” Mom and I were suppressing giggles. A slow smile grew on Julie’s face. She got up and hugged TJ then said “I’d love that, honey. But doing it around others could cause problems, so it’s probably better not to.”

Returning to her seat, she continued “When I met your mom, I was James West, an undergraduate, struggling with gender and sexuality issues. I will never be able to repay her for the love and patience she gave me, nurturing Julie and coaxing her into the world.”

Mom interrupted “You have more than repaid me, by becoming the awesome person you are today and by your contribution to giving us Charlie and TJ.”

“When your mothers decided they wanted a family, I was already taking female hormones, but I was honored to donate some of the sperm, I had frozen for possible future use. I am proud to be your father, and the better I get to know you the prouder I get. You will be given the opportunity to ask all those questions this is creating.

But right now I would like to get onto the issue that precipitated telling you this. As you know, I have been doing extensive testing, to determine how best, to continue your education, now that your mom is returning to teaching. Your mom has done a superb job on your educations, You are both years beyond your age group peers both academically and in practical skills. You have been raised in a unique environment by your mothers. In most ways, it is a much better environment than the one you will be moving into. But you are going to have to adjust to the new environment, as changes to it will only happen slowly. You will have to learn to deal with ignorant, bigoted, and indifferent people, you have been sheltered from. They will assume you are wrong because you are different. They will make little to no effort to understand you. Often they will persecute you for being different. Your mothers moved to where they did to protect you from them. But now you will be exposed to them. Your mom and I will do our best to make this home, a safe place with unconditional love. That will be your greatest resource, don’t be afraid to use it. Come to us and talk out your problems.

I am recommending Charlie go to 11th grade and TJ go to 10 grade. You will be mixed with older, physically more mature students. I have little doubt you will both continue to excel academically. Where there may be problems is social. The world of adolescent boys is very competitive. Adolescent boys compete in almost everything, sports, games, prowess with girls, automotive knowledge, etcetera. They don’t listen well, their minds are too busy working on how to one-up their friends. In this environment, Charlie’s relative lack of physical development could make for problems of acceptance and inclusion. In addition, he has developed some rather feminine mannerisms and speech patterns. I suspect the playgroup unconsciously picked up on this. He is likely to be teased, bullied, ostracized, and picked upon. I expect TJ to have fewer problems with the girls. They listen better and tend to work cooperatively on such things as developing a sense of style in clothes and looks in hair and makeup. They can be more accepting of differences. TJ’s lack of physical development is more likely to get her treated like a little sister or late bloomer, rather than a weaker competitor.

Another area you will find much different is gender, Your mothers have made very little differentiation based on gender. The world you are entering will make assumptions and have expectations based on your gender appearance alone. I suspect you will both find this annoying, at best.

Your, Mom and I have agreed to offer Charlie an option that may ease some of his potential problems. But it will also create new problems. I want to emphasize that this decision is entirely Charlie’s and we expect he will take as much time to make it as he needs.

Charlie, if you so chose, we will do all we can, to help you attend school as a transgender girl.”

Mom came over and gave me a hug. “Charlie are you ok with all this?”

I hugged her back. “I am happy to know who my father is. And I’m glad she is such a nice person.”

“I was more worried about the idea of going to school as a girl.”

“At first I thought it was a crazy suggestion. But it is starting to seem reasonable. What do you think about it?”

“I think it is something, you have to decide for yourself. But it is not something I would have suggested from seeing you grow up.”

“ I think I need more time to consider it. It’s all a little confusing right now.”

And with that, the family meeting broke up.