Ian and Brice
Chapter 1 (Ian)
Copyright 2021 by Heather Rose Brown

In this chapter, Ian has to leave the one place he'd felt safe, and cope with being placed in the care of complete strangers, then is pulled into a painful memory from a past he'd rather forget.

NOTE: For those who've read My Name is Luka, you may notice cameos of two characters from that story. While it's not needed to enjoy this story, if you're interested in finding out more about them, you may want to give my earlier story a try.

=-=-=

I squirmed on my suitcase when my pudgy butt started to go numb. After letting out a long sigh, I leaned against the door of what had been my room for almost a year. Distant goodbyes echoed from the front entrance of the Third Street Children's Shelter.

I was reaching under my shirt to make some adjustments, when the door across from me squeaked open. I dropped my hand, and tried to act casual, when Luka walked out of her room. Maggie came out a moment later, lugging a suitcase at least half a size bigger than mine.

"Whatcha got in here?" Maggie asked as she dropped the suitcase with a heavy thunk on the scuffed and dusty floorboards.

Luka blushed as she said, "Ermmm ... clothes. Well, mostly clothes."

"And rocks?" Maggie asked as she grinned at the other girl.

"Well, there's Mom's letters, and the bear Ian gave me, all the manga from Mrs Birch, and some other stuff." Luka glared at her suitcase as she said, "Maybe I shoulda left behind the letters."

"Hey," I said as I stood up, "just 'cause ya can't be with her, don't mean ya gotta get rid of her letters ... unless ya really wanna."

Luka's eyes were brimming with tears when she looked at me, but there was also a small smile on her face when she said, "What I really want, is a hug."

My heart started slamming against my ribs. I tried to swallow, gave up, then whispered, "A hug?"

Knowing it might be the last time I'd see Luka again, I was seriously considering trying to push down my issues enough to give hugging a try, when she said, "I meant a ... umm ... hand hug."

I smiled at Maggie as I asked, "Ya told her about hands bein' okay?"

Maggie gave me a nervous smile back, then said, "I hope that was alright. From the messages I've been gettin' from both of you, I figured you'd kinda got to be friends over the past couple weeks. So, when she asked about sayin' goodbye to you, I ... uhhmmm ..."

I took in a deep breath to steady my nerves, then held out my hands as I said, "I could really use a hand hug ... from both my friends."

=-=-=

The hum of the car engine against my feet, plus the soft muzak coming out of the passenger door speaker, was making it hard to keep my eyes open. My suitcase bumped the back of my seat again, waking me out of a light doze. I gazed out my window, and began watching the city streets turn into suburbs, when a couple of fingers touched my wrist.

I forced my arm back down after I flinched, waited for my pulse to stop pounding, then looked up at Mrs Birch and asked, "Yeah?"

The social worker winced and put her hand back on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry about that," she said. "I'd forgotten how you feel about being touched."

I slouched as much as anyone can while wearing a seatbelt, and said, "Sorry for bein' so jumpy."

"You have *no* reason to apologize."

I was tempted to argue, but was too wiped out from the emotional morning. Saying goodbye to everyone had been tougher than I'd expected. Feeling a serious mope coming on, I managed to slouch a little more as I said, "I'm gonna miss the shelter."

Mrs Birch nodded. "Don't worry," she said. "The foster family you'll be staying with doesn't have to be permanent."

"Ya sure there'll be room for me in the new shelter?"

"Of course," she said, then gave me a warm smile. "It'll be there for you, for as long as you need it."

"I know ya usually try to find families for kids after they've been at the shelter for a while. It really means a lot, bein' able to stay there for so long."

"Connecting with a family, after what had happened with your--" She bit her lip, then said, "I mean, after what happened to you, is completely understandable."

I grinned and said, "Thanks for not sayin' the f-word." When her brows popped up, I said, "I mean, the *other* f-word."

=-=-=

The afternoon sun warmed the top of my head and shoulders as I followed Mrs Birch up the stone path that divided a neatly mown lawn. The wooden steps creaked as we climbed up to a shady porch. The social worker gave me an 'Are you ready?' look when we reached the front door. After I nodded, she pressed a button on the door frame, and chimes started playing somewhere inside.

A few seconds later, the door opened. A blonde-haired girl in a frilly white shirt and pink shorts smiled at us. She reached out to the woman beside me, then hugged tight as she said, "It's so good to see you again, Mrs Birch!" When she turned to me, someone in the house shouted, "Brice! Wait!"

She didn't wait. Before I had a chance to back away, she was reaching for me. My ears started ringing. My head ached as the world turned bright. And then ...

And then, I was standing in front of Frank Perrin, my best friend in the whole world. He looked down and said, "I'm gonna miss ya."

I looked down too, and kicked a pebble across the sidewalk. I tried to say something back, but the only sound I could make was a soft whimper. My eyes went blurry, and something wet slid down my cheek.

I was a little shocked when Frank wrapped his arms around me. But somehow, it felt like the exact right thing to do. I hugged back as I said, "I'm gonna miss--"

The rest of what I wanted to say was cut off when I was grabbed by the back of my shirt, and yanked out of Frank's arms. I tried to ask what was going on as I was dragged down the sidewalk, but my collar was too tight against my neck.

I started seeing dark spots as I grabbed the front of my collar. Something tore when I pulled down, and I gulped a breath of air into my aching lungs. And then ...

And then, I was sitting on a porch. A familiar woman was crouched down on one side of me. A less familiar girl was kneeling on the other side of me. A couple of not-at-all familiar adults were standing near the doorway in front of me.

My chest tightened when I realized the woman beside me was adjusting the collar of my shirt. I took in as deep a breath as I could manage, then let out a slow, steady stream of air while reminding myself I was in a safe place. I focused on the woman's face to pull myself back into the present.

Something in my brain clicked into place. "Mrs Birch?"

The social worker pulled her hand away from me, then smiled and said, "Welcome back, Ian."

The girl on the other side of me sniffled, then said, "I'm so ... just ... so sorry."

The man by the doorway walked over to the girl and went down on one knee. His long, brown ponytail slipped off his back when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "It's okay, Brice." He brushed a strand of hair over her ear as he said, "We had forgotten to warn you, and you were just being friendly."

Something else in my brain clicked into place. "Wait a minute," I said. I studied the girl's freckled face as I asked, "You're Bryce?"

She wiped her nose with the back of her hand as she nodded.

"But ... ain't that a guys name?"

The woman near the doorway stepped forward, crouched down in front of me, then said, "I suppose it would depend on how the name is spelled."

I shook my head and said, "I don't get it."

The girl smiled as she said, "While some girls spell their names B-r-y-c-e, I only use that spelling when I'm in boy mode. When I'm in girl mode, I spell it B-r-i-c-e."

I frowned and asked, "Whatcha mean by 'boy mode' and 'girl mode'?"

Brice leaned back a tiny bit. "Well ... sometimes ... I kinda flow between boy and girl."

"Flow?"

The man holding Brice looked at the woman in front of me, then said, "You wanna field this one, Mae?"

Mae's coppery curls swayed when she nodded to him, then she turned to me and asked, "Have you ever heard of the term, 'genderfluid'?"

I thought back to the group meetings I'd gone to in the gender expansive wing of the shelter. Even though being roomed in a wing with transkids felt weird at first, I'd gotten to be friends with a few of them, and eventually joined the meetings as an ally.

"I think so," I said as I drifted back from the memory. "At least, I 'member hearin' it. I kinda forget what it means, though."

Mae smiled at the man, then said, "Okay, Trent. I think it's your turn."

Trent nodded and grinned at Mae. I resisted the urge to crabwalk away when he looked at me. "I may not be the best person to ask for definitions," he said, "but far as I understand it, being genderfluid means you may feel like a boy one day, a girl the next day, and neither the day after."

Mrs Birch nodded as she said, "I think that sums it up fairly well, Mr Arbordel."

I took a long look at Brice, and tried to imagine her being a guy. The way she was leaning against Trent, and the general girl vibe I was getting from her, made it tricky keeping that image in my head. "So ... today, you're a girl?"

She smiled and nodded, then held out a hand as she stood. "Want some help up?" She pulled back her hand when I looked at it, and said, "Sorry ... I forgot about the no touching."

I smiled as I reached out to her. "Don't worry. Hands are okay."

Brice smiled back as she took my hand. "I'll remember that," she said as she helped me to my feet, then led me into the place that, at least for now, was going to be home.