the universe makes it abundantly clear that it has it in for you. I had that moment last night. After a fantastically shitty day where everything bad that could happen did happen my word processor decided to crash mid-writing session. Then, at the very second that I screamed to the heavens, "Why can't anything ever go right for me!" that is when the universe delivered the coup de grace by having winblows give me the blue screen of death and shut down, oh and then I broke a nail.
There wasn't much lost since I've been regularly saving to my external hard drive and nothing seems to be wrong with the laptop other than if having Windows 10 on it but I'm losing the will to fight. Sure, I can rewrite the bits that were lost, I might be able to find all of the sites that I was using for research and had yet to bookmark in my history, and my nails might eventually get to the length I like them again but the point has been made. That point is that the universe is giving me the middle finger.
Even before that, I spent most of the weekend since Friday night a sobbing mess for several reasons. I now have less than a month to find a new place to live and income to afford it, when the past three months have turned up nothing. I've been so worked up over this crap that I've been constantly having the worst anxiety attacks of my life. Martin seems to delight in rubbing his new dating life in my face (because I'm his best friend and he values my opinions, apparently) and it cuts me to the core because for some stupid reason I'm still in love with him and he knows that.
I can't think clearly and I haven't been able to get much of anything (re)done with all of this so there won't be any Apocalypse Dawn this week. I need to recharge my battery and get my head on straight before I do something really stupid. I'm going crazy being stuck here in this situation, I feel broken, and I'm not sure anymore if I have the energy to not just throw in the towel or let the universe count me out.
*sorry for whining everyone*
Amethyst
Comments
you're not whining
you're venting, which is not only allowed, its encouraged
It's ok to feel overwhelmed...
Especially under the such trying circumstances you found yourself in. I have been in similar circumstances myself. All I can say is you do have friends and it's ok to take some time off to clear your head, Or just let your feelings out here as Dorothy said. The next chapter to Apocalypse rising and a cold fey in hell can wait.
You hurting can't.
Lovely phrase
"Windows 10 on it but I'm losing the will to fight"
I took one look at W10 when it came out and said 'That's me done with Windows'.
I am glad that you have everything backed up.
Forget writing schedules or anything like that. Concentrate on getting a place to live and a job. They are far more important.
you aren't whining. Don't even think that you are.
Samantha
No one can be you
Hon, I believe most of us have or or had your moment in life. When it looks bad and can't get any worse than it does. We all survived and kept on going. Like a long distance runner, or when we were tossing hay bales up on the trailer. There has to be a break when we stop and reassess the situation. We can't do that while stressed out physically or mentally. Is it possible for you to back up to look at your situation?
Hugs Amethyst
Barb
Men might have the muscles. Women have the real strength. It's what they are made of.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Do only the stuff that is
Do only the stuff that is really important and then things which you know'll recharge your batteries. Posting stories here can wait. I'd rather go on cold turkey from not reading your stories than you burning out.
*big hugs and cuddles*
Venting
It’s good to vent it keeps you sane,
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna
You take the time you need
Venting and screaming at the universe is perfectly acceptable.Your health and mental well being should come before anything else and I wish you luck in getting everything you need to get straightened out done so
What Dorothy said,
You are amongst friends. Whine away.
Thanks everyone
I'm trying hard to just not let this get to me and to keep searching for a place to live and a job but it's not going well and Martin said a few things the other day that made me feel like a cheap whore, which didn't really improve my mood any. I need to get out of here with my sanity intact somehow and maybe without doing something else stupid this week.
I'll keep pushing ahead and let all of you know what happens.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3