CHAPTER 18
Sam and Rosie, naturally. That word sat in the front of my mind as I watched them run across the field, and it was another little barb in my soul. Up and down, my mood; the slightest little thing derailed me.

‘Naturally’. I wasn’t natural, of course, not what they thought I was, not a real girl in any legal sense, but that wasn’t the issue just then. It was how they were acting without a script, natural children behaving naturally. Such things had been beaten and raped out of me in Mersey View, and in other supposedly safe spaces before my entry into that particular circle of hell. I watched two other children of around my age, I saw them dance and laugh, and when I matched them, I had to think it through beforehand.

Fuck you all, Charlie, Don, all you bastards. But not now, Deb. Smile for friends.

“RO-SIE! SAM!”

The boy was the more excited, rattling off all sorts of news about the last few weeks’ events, until Rosie shushed him.

“You here all weekend, Debbie?”

“Yeah. Then we’ve got some markets on the way up north again”

“Where have you been?”

“All over! Went to Scotland for a bit”

“What was it like? Scotland?”

“Bits nice, but it rained a lot, and they talk funny. Why’s Sam got a bandage on his hand?”

“He’s a boy, and boys are stupid”

The boy in question was protesting, but Rosie simply shouted over him.

“Dad said always cut away, and you cut towards, and you sliced hour hand, and that’s because you didn’t listen because you are stupid! He was whittling Pooh sticks”

I made the appropriate tuts and frowns, but Rosie hadn’t finished.

“Dad says he isn’t working at this one, so he can have a drink and a boogie and do dizzy sticks. And your hair’s growing!”

“Getting better, I am. What do you think? Should I be all spikey hedgehog, or let it get long?”

“Long enough to sit on, yay!”

Sam was suddenly serious.

“If you get it long, got to keep it inside your leather if you ride. Mam says, or it ends up all knots and stuff. Rosie! Remember? That big ride?”

His sister’s eyebrows shot up.

“Oh yeah! Debbie, you ever been on a big wheel ride? Fairies wheel?”

“What’s that?”

“Like a big wheel but with seats on it, and they swivel, so you go up high, and back down, and round and round, and they have a bar thing they lock you into the chairs with, like baby swings we used to put Sam in”

“Yeah. Seen some of those when I was little”

“Well, we were at one, and there was this girl, and she was leaning out, and there’s a swivel thing, like on a bike wheel, an axle thing, and her hair gets on it, and she’s screaming cause it’s all winding round, and they had to atop the ride before it all got pulled in”

Sam was jumping up and down.

“Before her head got pulled off!”

The look his sister gave him was as predictable as could be expected, as was the sigh that accompanied it.

Boys.

“Don’t be silly, Sam! Anyway, Debbie, they had to stop everything, and we were sat at the top for hours and hours, and they got a fire engine with ladders, and a big pair of scissors, and cut it all off, so if you do grow it all long, you do what Mam says and keep it inside your leather when you ride”

She gave her brother a rather sourer look with that comment.

“And no, Sam, I don’t mean sitting on the back. Girls ride bikes too!”

“Do NOT!”

“Do”

“DON’T!”

“Mam does”

That appeared to be game, set, match and everything else in Rosie’s favour, so I tried to lighten the conversation.

“Never been on a bike, me”

Both of my friends stared at me for several seconds, Sam with his mouth hanging open. He seemed to need some effort to close it.

“Never? Ever?”

“Nope”

They looked at each other, and Sam shook his head.

“Not Dad. He’s had beer. But we can ask him who would be good”

“Yeah. And my lid might fit!”

“Or mine!”

“Yeah, Sam, but we still better ask Ken and Loz first”

“Um… I call them Mam and Dad now”

Rosie surprised me just then; as her brother simply said “Wow”, she stepped forward and hugged me, whispering into my ear.

“That’s really nice, Deb. Dad and me, we know, Mam says, something not right there, not how Loz says it is, but Dad says, he says if you need to hide, he can’t think of better people, so we can keep schtum, he says”

I kept my own voice low, as I hugged her back.

“Don’t need to hide, do I? Got a home! What more do I need?”

She raised her voice just a little.

“A ride on a bike, isn’t it? And then watch Dad get silly at dizzy sticks!”

She tugged me over to the van, waving at… waving at Dad. Call him Dad, girl.

“Hiya Ken!”

“Well hello, Rosie, Sam! Who could’ve expected you two here?”

“We want to ask a question!”

“Go ahead, duck”

“Debbie says she’s never been on a bike, and there’s lots of bikes here and she could borrow my lid!”

“Or mine!” added Sam.

“That’s a nice offer, kids, but whose bike? Your Dad’s already had a pint”

“We could ask…” came in chorus, and suddenly they were off and running, returning in the same way only five minutes later, each carrying two crash helmets. Rosie held out a key.

“Dad says some of these will fit and don’t bend it!”

Call her Mam… Mam laughed out loud at the scene before pushing Ken towards the van.

“Get your leather, then! Deb, got none for you, but that ski thing will keep you warm. Grab a pair of gloves off the stand. I can cope while you two play. What’s your Dad on today, kids?”

“The Triton!”

“Well, you go steady, love, and I’ll see you later”

One of the ‘lids’ fitted, the ski jacket felt warm, and the gloves were toasty, but I made sure to pull on some trousers before checking the other items. The bike turned out to be a silver one, with a petrol tank that looked too big and a streamlining thing around the headlight. Everything, from handlebars to footrests, made it look as if the machine was crouching in readiness to leap on its prey. Rosie fastened my helmet strap as Dad jumped into the air, one foot on the kick start lever.

Two jumps, and then everything was lost in noise. He settled down onto the saddle before Rosie helped me to fit my bum between Dad’s and the funny hump thing at the back of the seat. Dad did something with his foot that made the whole bike clunk, and then, with a slight jerk, we were rolling over the grass towards the entrance to the rally site.

What followed was an eye-opener. As Dad explained on our return, he had ridden the bike slowly at first, partly to get used to the handling but also, by gentle weaving, to shed any mud that may have been on the tyres. There was a dual carriageway not far from the site, and after we reached it, Dad decided that the best plan was simply to ride up it from one roundabout to another, then back, then repeat, each time seeming to get faster and faster. I now realise he was using the speed to warm up the tyres, and after the first couple of runs, he began taking the 180⁰ turn at each end at greater angles of lean, until I felt I could have reached out and touched the road surface as we banked. Wind rush and engine roar deafened me, a heavy vibration numbing me between the legs and in the small of my back, before Dad turned for the last time, flipping the bike smoothly from one side to the other as he pulled off onto the road for our rally site.

We parked up by Gandalf’s tent, Rosie and Sam helping me off as Dad cut the engine, the whole thing ticking and pinging as it cooled. Dad tossed the key to Gandalf, who caught it neatly.

“Thanks for that, mate. Nice ride!”

The beard cracked in a smile.

“You didn’t push it at all?”

“Nope. Nice and steady. First ride for Deb, wasn’t it?”

Gandalf roared with laughter.

“Nice and steady, is it? With no mud at all left on the edge of the tyres, and that scuff on the outside of your right boot? Bollocks, mate! Deb?”

“Yes?”

“How did you like it?”

All I could do was grin and laugh, as Rosie helped me off with the helmet before dragging me away to the dizzy sticks.

Who was hiding, just then? Certainly not me!

Fester was on site as well, so of course we ate his food for the weekend, rather than cooking our own, and it was such a delight to be able to tuck into ordinary things once more, as my body continued healing. We watched the dizzy sticks with a dripping and overfilled burger for each of us, and the night followed the usual plan, with a rock music disco that let me go as wild as one song they kept playing demanded we all do. Get your motor running, head out on the highway; we had done that, and after the rally our little family did just that in a rather slower way, heading north once more, through market towns and the occasional industrial estate, until we were sitting together in Hollies transport café just off the A5.

“Get the food, duck, I just need to point Percy!”

“Mixed grill?”

“Course! Might be a bit much for Deb, though”

“Yeah, love, and bears might head for the woods with a bogroll! Deb, he’s right. Best you go for something a bit smaller, like an omelette. What do you fancy?”

“That a roast they got, Loz? Mam?”

“Ah!”

She lowered her voice.

“Should’ve thought, love. Last time you had a proper dinner, meat and two veg thing? Not for ages, is it?”

I just nodded, and she left to place the order. Roast pork, mashed potato, carrots and peas duly arrived, together with two platters, each covered with what seemed to be every imaginable food product—the famous, or infamous, Hollies Mixed Grill. There was tea, by the gallon, and I had apple crumble and custard for afters. We sat in comfortable fullness for a while, before Dad stretched, rolling his neck as he did so, and I realised it was simply a cover for checking who was near us.

Lorraine caught his nod, and leant forward to speak to me, voice low.

“This is where everything changes, love. We have a lock-up and a house down the road from here, and its where we spend the worst part of the winter. We are going to take a couple of weeks off for now, but there are some more rallies when it’s really cold. There are four midweek markets we go to around now, so we’ll be busy, but apart from the rallies it will be proper beds and central heating. Do you mind? I have some more stuff I need to stock up on, so I will be in and out, but the house is ours, it is safe, and as far as anyone knows you are being home-schooled, as the Yanks say. Which reminds me…”

She grinned suddenly.

“Which means that you WILL be studying, love! Don’t think this is all holiday! Ken?”

“Yeah?”

“Grab the local paper from that table, love. She needs some culture, so have a look at what’s on at the pictures for me. I fancy a night out tomorrow, and we can’t exactly take this one down the pub, can we?”

“Fair point, Nurse P! I’ll have a dig”

There was obviously something else she wanted to talk about, but she didn’t raise it in the café. Back on the A5, we worked our way through Cannock to Longford Road, and a line of older buildings. Ken turned into the gate of a detached house with a large garage to one side of an arched porch, bay windows to the front, and with no ceremony at all opened the front door and walked in. I followed, finding a dark and slightly stale-smelling hallway, jumping a little when something went ‘whump’.

“That’s the heating on, girls! Stock into garage, then a cuppa. Want a proper bath, Deb? Take a while for the water to heat, so best left till bedtime. Loz?”

“Aye?”

“Can you let Carol and Pete know we’re back? Mail’s been sorted, so they were in this morning”

“Wilco!”

I entered the kitchen, where Dad was filling a kettle. On the kitchen table were piles of envelopes, all sorted by type.

“Carol and Pete Surtees, Deb. Neighbours on the side with the garage. They have a spare key, and while we’re away working, they make sure nothing goes wrong, deal with any shit that needs sorting right away. Good people. You are going back to being our niece for a bit, OK?”

“OK. What are we doing with the van and trailer?”

“They live on the drive, duck. Won’t need the trailer much, as we can fit enough into the van when we’re not sleeping in it, so the driving will be easier for now. So, films. We have a couple of choices, depending on how far we want to go, but I know what I want to go and see, and it is Dumbo. I know it’s an old film, but have you seen it? I think you’d like it”

I just nodded, and he finished making the tea just as Lorraine returned.

“No issues, love, and they’ve asked us for dinner on Sunday. Another roast for you, Deb! What are we going to see, then?”

I shrugged.

“Something called Dumbo”

“Ooh! Never seen that. Is it a new print, then?”

Ken nodded.

“Think it must be”

“Right, then. Get off to the flicks after a cuppa, catch the early showing, then back here for cheese on toast, a hot bath and a chat that we really need to have with Debbie here”

My face must have changed, because she reached across for my hand.

“Don’t worry, love. Just some long-term planning. And best leave the cut-off at home for now. Time to blend in with the straights for a bit. Pour the tea, then!”