Another Side of My Life – Chapter 17
By Julie D Cole

I was a little more chatty on the journey back to Kensington to ensure that Jack didn’t feel that I was ignoring him or didn’t appreciate the kindness he’d showed me.

When we arrived into the sunshine at Kensington High Street the heat hit us. Jack had a plan for a special treat that I’d never experienced before. A shake or a fruit juice at Joes Juice. I didn’t understand what he was talking about at first but it soon became clear as we approached the venue. Fresh healthy fruit juices or milk shakes with a variety of flavours. What a choice and perfect for a sunny day. I let Jack choose for me and he teased me with a ‘Sex Me Up’ that was Passion Fruit Ginger and Apple. He went for ‘The Iron Man’ that was Kiwi, Strawberry and Apple.

We chatted a lot as we sipped them and ordered sandwiches. Nothing conventional of course, a Joe’s Club for Jack and a Tunacado for me. They were scrumptious. Nothing like this in my home town and with the buzz of London and good company. If my work colleagues could see me now they’d be green with envy.

Jack knew the staff and the manageress came over to say hello. I was introduced as a new friend who had fallen out of the sky into his lap who was on a short break and had kindly offered to help him at the hotel bar. She had moved to London from Hong Kong where she’d run a similar place and she was beautiful without the need for make-up like me. Julie Ho so we shared the same name. She was much shorter than me but so confident with perfect English that put me to shame.

Jack knew quite a lot about her and her family back in Hong Kong who lived in a high-rise Apartment on the Hong Kong Island side. She’d invited Jack to visit next time she went home and I felt she would be happy to date him. I felt a slight pang of envy that was stupid. She was so kind to me as a complete stranger and invited me to join her and some friends to China town for dinner before I returned home. Jack feigned envy but of course he was invited provided it was on his night off that was Wednesday.

I could see the attraction of London and it was small wonder that Jack had settled here even though everything was so much more expensive.

We stayed for an hour enjoying a complementary juice sent over by Julie. Jack attempted to find out a little more about me and my job and if I had any siblings. I played down my job and it appeared as if I was some sort of office gofor and general dogsbody. In truth I was a team leader without any authority. My team was 4 females and 1 male. My line manager was female and our Division had a woman in charge. I felt sorry for my male colleague but for me I felt at ease and perhaps this was why I wanted to explore a little. It would be so much easier to be a girl amongst girls at work rather than to move departments but that was just a dream.

I did admit to Jack that I’d have liked to have a sister or a brother. He was sympathetic but I noticed a sadness in his eyes as he looked at me. He hasd a good relationship with Debs so I asked him why the sad face.

‘It’s complicated I’m afraid. You know you asked about the photograph in my apartment well you were right it’s not a photo of Debs.’

‘Well there is a resemblance.’
‘Well when I was in my early teens I had a terrible time at school because I didn’t fit in with the crowd. I was bullied a lot because I was small and shy. I was embarrassed because I was not developing like other boys. I thought that I was gay and my voice hadn’t broken.’

‘But you are fine now. You seem fit and you are quite muscular. You don’t seem to fit the mantra of a gay guy. Not when I’m around anyway.’

‘Well I did have a spell where I was confused about my sexuality My voice hadn’t broken and I couldn’t gain weight whatever I ate. I was the same height and weight as Debs even though I am 2 years older. We played a lot together since I was at a disadvantage against the boys who were neighbours and those in my year at school. Even now as you see I’m no taller than you Debs and Sarah.’

‘But you are quite muscular.’

‘Yes I’ve had to work at that but in my mid-teen years because I had no close friends I was encouraged to dress in Debs clothes so I could be included. I like the attention and she treated me like her sister. Mum and dad didn’t know.’

‘Was this regular then and did it excite you?’

‘It was occasional and we had a lot of fun together. I got to know Maggie and Laura who christened me Jacqueline or Jackie for short. At weekends I would dress like them in leggings and tops or jeans and sweaters when it was cold. We’d sneak out of the house past my mum and dad and we’d go out to shopping malls or to the cinema. At least I was socialising and I even got a job for a while at a Starbucks coffee shop. Laura encouraged me more than Debs did and I think she liked to boss me around knowing that I couldn’t complain. Mum knew I had a casual job but she never really quizzed me and luckily she never saw me. The tips were good so I carried on.’

‘So that is a surprise. Is the photo of you?’

‘Sort of yes.’

‘What do you mean sort of? That seems strange.’

‘Yes, it was me during that particular period of my life and Debs gave it to me framed as a gift. But I’ve changed. I was around 16 years of age when it was taken but it’s not me now. That phase lasted a few years until something happened and I had a bust up with Laura. She decided to broadcast it to everybody so then mum and dad confronted me. They were surprised and disappointed because they thought Laura and I were seriously dating.’

‘What surely not. Were they happy with Laura?’

‘Laura can turn the charm on when she wants don’t worry. She was kind enough to me at first, but she started losing her cool when I refused to have sex with her. She tried all sorts of tricks to entice me into bed with her but I just wasn’t interested.’

‘I thought you liked girls.’

‘I do like girls. Especially girls like you. I just didn’t like her and she couldn’t believe it. She said she felt insulted and I’d humiliated her. The problem was that she’d boasted that I was in love with her and the weekend when we went away together was supposed to be when I asked to marry her. That was her plan not mine. She’d told all her friends in confidence, except Debs and Maggie who she thought might leak out the secret. She persuaded her parents to arrange a surprise party for about 100 people that was booked for our return from the short break.’

‘Hadn’t you even discussed it then?’

‘She had hinted that that is what she wanted because her friends had been having engagement parties even though most of them were no older than 17 or 18. I never let the conversation go too far and just said we should wait. She finally told me after we checked into our hotel. She said it was time we moved in together and that if she was engaged her parents would agree. She’d ordered an engagement ring for collection on our way home to show off at the party.’

‘She seems like the type of girl who is used to getting what she wants.’

‘Yes exactly. When I said I wasn’t ready for marriage she went berserk. She harped on about me being sexually inadequate and she had to make all the moves. She ridiculed me saying that I couldn’t keep it up and she said that I must be gay. I resisted even more so then she threatened to tell all our friends as well as my parents and work colleagues. She actually did that with announcements on the internet and she sent emails to work colleagues. By the time we arrived home everybody seemed to know that I was gay and dressed in womens clothes. She even posted photos she’d taken.’

‘That must have been awful.’

‘Yes it was. My parents confronted both Debs and I and at the end of the lecture they told me that they were ashamed of me and both of us were grounded. Some of our friends were OK about it because they knew what Laura was like but others shunned me. At work I was treated like I had the plague. My boss found out.’

‘So did all this cause a breakdown?’

‘Of sorts but I guess I exaggerated. It gave me an excuse to take extreme action. I thought the best solution was to resign at work and pack up and leave. I just walked out and left a note. I headed for London and stayed with a cousin in her flat. Then I found the bar job at the Drag Club and camped it up a bit to fit in. I earned quite a bit of money since we all shared tips and I soon worked my way up to Bar Manager effectively running it.’

‘What about your cousin?’

‘Her father was paying for the flat to give her privacy whilst she was at university. She is very bright and she graduated the following year. She headed home because she had a boyfriend and she found a job at a law firm. She is still training. It’s a long haul.’

‘Did she know about the rumours that Laura spread?’

‘Yes, I told her everything before I moved in and she said it made no difference. She was glad to have me around although we didn’t see much of each other because of the late nights that came with my job.’

‘So did you carry on dressing here in London and at the club.’

‘What do you think. I soon filled out so I no longer could pass a female to go out and about and I wasn’t into drag. I tried to put it all behind me and I don’t have any desire to do it these days.’

‘Did you go home at all?’

‘No I decided to make a clean break and bide my time. Mum and Dad over reacted but I do speak to them from time to time. They know where I am. Gradually my life settled down and I made friends here and I even made contact with some past colleagues. I found a flat in the same block and I am happy enough in a new phase of my life. Well I was until you dropped out of the sky.’

‘How come you ended up at Rules?’

‘I became bored of the club scene and decided I needed to get into better physical shape and find a job with better hours. I liked Kensington and I saw an advert in the newspaper. I got the job of course.’

‘So you ended up taking over the bar that is attached to the hotel?’

‘Yes the deal was I run it and I have a small stake in it as an incentive. I manage the accounts and they purchase the stock. No rent involved and I can set my own salary and hire and fire my own staff. But I have to make profit and we agree targets.’

‘ So boss, are you going to fire me?’

‘Only if you misbehave. Not much sign of that at the moment. You seem as if you were born for the hospitality trade.’

‘That’s me. Barmaid, waitress and Scully Maid.’

‘Well don’t knock it. It keeps you fit and you have the chat to go far.’

‘Yes all the way back North.’

‘So tell me now more about yourself since you coaxed me into full disclosure.’

I was terrified this might happen and stuttered a bit trying to think about what I should say. He did say a girl like you. Did he know? Had he guessed? Was it so obvious?

I was saved by the bell. Jacks phone bleeped. It was the hotel reception letting Jack know that 2 young women were asking after him. It gave me chance to think.