Gerold vs. the Good Old Boys

3/ Testing

By Jo Dora Webster

Cover Art by Melanie E.

Can Gerrie escape the hospital to finish
Gerald's interrupted work?

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3/ Testing

I woke refreshed with an awareness that something wasn't quite right.

Since I had accepted that my mind now had female gender, it was my body which was at odds and abnormal. I wasn't sure just what would be normal for my body but I knew that its present configuration was not what was right for me. All of my sensory input still included emotional content which I was still getting used to evaluating.

The neurological effects of the change in my brain had spread beyond my perception of colors. Somehow I seemed more sensitive to touching and being touched. My sense of smell was a bit more pronounced and I was very grateful that sometime in the night, I had been given a bed bath and a new hospital gown and I felt nice and clean.

All I really had to go on was that I was thinking in new ways. I assumed that the gender that I now was expressing by my thoughts was female since it bore no resemblance to the male gender that I had been used to having. Like the question of whether a tree falling in the wilderness without anyone to hear it made any sound, a gender expression that is only inward can not be verified except as expressed outwardly in a way that someone could observe and react to that expression.

Part of that outward expression had already changed in the way that holding my body and moving it felt right and comfortable. Very naturally my movements seemed to suggest feminine patterns. That is not to say that any more than unconscious motions took on that quality, since when I took direct control of my movements there was not any noticeable change. It seemed logical to me that some movements were made out of practicality when one's entire body or clothing worn was female and still others were made out of custom or social expectation. Were I to fit in and actually live as a female, I would have a lot to learn.

I knew enough that, with my brain in its new configuration, I would want ultimately to start living as a woman so that I could blend in with other women. However I had some unfinished loose ends with my story that I would like to tie up. I wondered if it would be possible for me to be a good enough actress to portray a man in the short term to finish my story. I would have to go on the inertia of what was in order to pull it off. Because of that, I would have to return to work as soon as humanly possible before doing any of the work to put my body in sync with my new brain.

I was jarred out of my introspection by a member of hospital staff in scrubs, that I identified as a PCT even before I saw her name tag by the fact that she was carrying a vitals data pad which she interfaced to the devices which constantly monitored my vital signs.

"I'm Wendy Newman, Gerrie, and I am going to be your day shift PCT. Even though you are constantly being monitored and your vitals relayed to the nurses station, we check the automatic monitoring once each shift the old fashioned way just to confirm that everything is functioning correctly. I'm about to do that. Are you in any pain? If so can you give me your perception on our 1 to 10 scale?"

"Wendy, Amazingly enough I feel fine and I'm not in any severe pain. My discomfort level is about a 2 which is very bearable."

"I wont suggest to your nurse any change in your pain medication at this time then. We find that the new endoscopic techniques that we can use for brain surgery greatly minimize the trauma of the procedure and recovery time. I'll do your vitals now."

She pulled out a stethoscope and a blood pressure cuff and took my blood pressure. Next she felt for my pulse and timed with her watch. I tried to breath normally while she had my pulse held since during part of that time she was also observing my respiration. I had learned about taking vitals in our CPR class so I tried not to mess her up by controlling my breathing instead of letting it happen naturally. She noted other things on her data pad and then turned her attention back to me.

"Your breakfast tray will be coming up soon." She took the insulated mug to the sink and emptied it and filled it up with fresh ice water from the dispenser. "Is there anything else that I can get you?"

"I can't think of anything, Wendy. Is Grace by any chance waiting to see me?"

"Yes, she is, Gerrie. She wanted me to signal her the 'all clear' to come see you once I had finished my morning evaluation. I'll let her know that it's okay for her to come visit with you."

"Thank you, Wendy. I'm looking forward to seeing Grace."

Wendy departed and very soon afterward Grace came in with an air kiss to me.

"Good morning, Gerrie. How are you doing this morning?"

"Grace, I feel well for what I've been thru. I'm convinced already that I am going to need to become the woman outwardly that I have become inwardly. What will the insurance cover?"

"For you, it should cover almost anything that you want that is possible, including the cost of the experimental surgery that they took the stem cells for. Since your condition came about as a result of a potentially cancerous tumor, The Rehabilitation Act applies."

"What is that and what does that do for me?"

"It was an expansion of the patients bill of rights that was written into a budget bill in the late 20th century that required insurance to cover breast reconstruction due to lump or mastectomy to treat cancer. It was expanded to cover any plastic surgery needed to restore normal function and appearance due to cancer. In your case, it would cover any procedure needed to restore appearance and function of being a normal female. In so many cases of late onset diagnosis, these days, nothing beyond SRS is covered with some other procedures being excluded as not necessary and thus not covered."

A food service worker came through the door after knocking carrying two breakfast trays for me. One was ordered by Dr. Drake as I saw on the card with it which had a place to order the other meals of the day according to the diet that I was on.

The other meal had been ordered by Dr. Johansen which was a standard diet tray. On the order, she had written with a flourish a small note.

'This one is for Grace. Please enjoy! Grace, remember that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. ~ Dr. Erika Johansen'

We both started into our breakfasts as we continued to talk.

"Grace, that was really thoughtful of Dr. Johansen. I like her already even though we haven't met yet."

"Dr Johansen was very thoughtful and that shows just how good care she will take of you. You are very lucky to have her, Gerrie."

."What does today look like for me?"

"You'll meet your therapist, Dr. Erika Johansen and she will assign a battery of psychological tests for you to take as well as having a chance to get acquainted with you. Sometime during the day, you will take the official evaluation medical test for HBS as well."

"Looks like I'm going to be very busy. What do the ladies at work know?"

"They know that you've had surgery and that your heart is alright and that you are recovering."

"Grace, please find out the soonest that I can be released to go back to work. Since both my real and cover jobs are clerical in nature, I can deal with a lifting restriction easily and still function in both jobs. Please explain to my surgeon what is at stake as best you can and see if she will go ahead and release me. If I have just a little more time I can wrap up my investigation if I can do it as Gerald. I can do that going on inertia, but I'll lose the ability to do that before long."

"Looks like my time is up since I see someone on her way into the room. You take care, Gerrie. I'll speak to Dr. Drake and see how soon you can be released."

"Thank you, Grace and good luck with Dr Drake!" Grace blew me an air kiss and I blew her one back. Grace was about to leave but the Doctor coming in motioned for her to stay.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Erika Johansen. You must be Gerrie since you are the one hooked up to all the monitors in the bed, and you are?"

"I'm Grace Brooks, Dr. Johansen. Thank you so much for the breakfast tray and the great advise. I hold Gerrie's medical power of attorney and we have been best friends for a very long time."

"You are very welcome, Grace. I'm glad to meet you and please call me, Erika. You too Gerrie. Grace you can go on now if you need to go or you can stay while Gerrie and I get acquainted if you like."

"Thank you, Grace. All my hopes!"

"Good Luck, Grace and thanks for your efforts on behalf of Gerrie!"

"Nice to meet you Erika and thank you. See you soon, Gerrie" Grace left, walking purposely, in an effort to speed her journey to Dr. Patricia Drake's Office.

"Grace seems like a very nice woman, Gerrie. How does she seem to be taking the news that you are suddenly turning into a woman?"

"Grace is one of my oldest and dearest friends, Erika. Grace accepts me as I am, She remains a good friend."

"Do you have any birth family to turn to, Gerrie?"

"I was an only child and I have outlived my parents, who were only children, and my grandparents. I'm the last of my birth family. All that remains are distant cousins from the children of my grandparent's brothers and sisters. That's why Grace agreed to hold my power of attorney. There isn't anyone who really is 'family' left but Grace is part of my family of choice. She's like a sister to me."

"Was there ever a time when you felt that Grace might be more than a sister to you?"

"Up until the time that I found out that Grace is a lesbian, I thought about the possibility. I wasn't her type then. Maybe I will be her type when I finish changing."

"I understand that you endorsed the entire course of treatment even before they had removed the initial tumor which quit masking that you are in reality a transwoman. How do you feel about going back to work as a woman?"

"Anything that I tell you is subject to patient - doctor privilege as long as I am not a danger to myself or others, Isn't it?"

"Of course, Gerrie."

"I need to try to act like a man for a little while longer.In addition to being a clerical worker for the state department of transportation, I'm also a reporter. I'm undercover working on a story concerning political corruption in mid level management and leading up the food chain. I have access to the good ole boys' club and I need that access for a little while longer to finish the research for my story."

"Thank you for confiding in me and of course I will keep your confidence. Short term you should be successful, going on inertia, to maintain male gender presentation. The sooner the better,so far as success is concerned. However, you'll need to balance the need to do this very soon against your personal medical condition."

"Grace is going to set up a meeting with Dr Drake to find out how soon I can be released so I can get on with finishing my research."

"Once you finish this unfinished business, how do you wish to proceed?"

"First, I want to achieve a congruence between my mind and body. Second, I know enough about men that in my present mind set that I will no longer be accepted as one of them. The very act of changing my gender identification means that for some people, no matter how well I expressed female gender, I would not be accepted. However, for those who remain, I hope that I will be welcomed to the sorority of women by women and acknowledged to be a woman by men. In that way I can function normally as a productive member of society."

"You appear to have this will thought out. I'm not sure how objective that I could be in dealing with a situation like yours."

"It helps that I have a feminine perspective on this now and I'm willing to cooperate with the process instead of compete against it. Thank you for listening, Erika. Thanks also for taking care of my friend Grace for breakfast."

"It was my pleasure, Gerrie. I guess we are acquainted enough for now. I have a battery of psychological tests that I would like for you to take, Gerrie. I'll start you on the first one and give the rest to your PCT to give to you when you are ready for them. She'll collect the completed tests and get them to me for scoring. I'll be back in touch with you after I have finished scoring them so we can work on what comes next."

"Thank you, Erika!"

Erika gave me a test and started me on it and then told me, "Gerrie, you may begin. I'll check on you later"

I waved to her and got busy answering the test. One by one, I finished all of the tests. During one of the test breaks, they wheeled me out to do an MRI which was to confirm my brain gender and it came out female just as everyone expected.

During another of the test breaks, there was only one tray delivered and I ate lunch alone. I was grateful while I was eating lunch since it was very tasty. Gloria called and told me that she had finished her initial meeting with Dr Drake and that she would be meeting with both of us later. Rather than immediately go into more testing, the next thing was for me to watch a DVD on HRT and read some text background and then take a test. By the time that was over, I knew what to expect when I started taking female hormones and what they would do to me both physically and mentally.

I was pleasantly surprised when my testing took another break since I had a visitor. Celesta entered and blew me a kiss, having been cautioned that it was in my best interest not to have physical contact yet.

"Gerald, I am so glad to see that you are okay. I was so worried when you collapsed at the office."

Celesta looked on very perplexed and very intensely at me. She even passed her hand around my head as though it contained some kind of sensor device but it was empty. She remained perplexed so I hoped that I could reassure her that I was okay.

"They say that I will be okay. My heart is basically fine. It was just overwhelmed by medication but that has been taken care of now."

I paused for a moment and when my explanation did not seem to bring any relief to her face I had to ask: "What, Celesta has you so perplexed about me?"

"Gerald, you are very different now. I read auras and yours has always been strong virile and very masculine. That is up to now. I sense now that your aura now contains many very female elements that are dominating and taking over your aura. Your aura is becoming very much like a normal woman's aura, now! How can this be?"

"Celesta, the surgery that I underwent removed a tumor that was emulating male brain characteristics. With the tumor gone, it leaves me with a woman's brain. I am not surprised that I have a female spirit abiding inside me now. The power who watches over the universe is very good at keeping the details of the metaphysical world in order. How would you feel if I were to come back to work as a woman?"

"I'd welcome you with open arms. You are my friend and nothing will change that, Gerrie."

"Well it will be Gerald who comes back to work this time. I'm not quite ready to face the world yet as a woman, I know I will have to eventually but I'd like to delay the inevitable for as long as I can."

"Either way, I'll do all I can to make your return easy for you. John sends his best for a speedy recovery."

"How are things at work?"

"It's a bit busy since there are less of us to do what needs to be done. Reyna has recalled both of our site inspectors, Brandy and Harold back to the office and they are filling in to get everything done."

"How are Brandy and Harold?"

"Brandy's diet seems to be working. She's dropped 20 pounds since we last saw her. Harold is as ornery as ever. I think that by the definition of male chauvinist pig is his picture in the dictionary. Reyna is holding things together by sheer force of will."

"Sounds like a regular three ring circus."

"It just about is. I will be really glad when you are able to come back to work."

"Thanks, Celesta. It's nice to have even more confirmation of what I already knew for when I come back."

"You are welcome, Gerrie. Guess I should be getting back to work."

"Celesta, I am so glad that you came to visit, Give my regards to everyone at the office."

"I will Gerrie. Take care and come back to us soon!"

Celesta left my room and I knew that I had done the right thing in telling her that I was destined to become a woman outwardly since my surgery had rendered me one mentally.

Immediately I was back taking tests again till they were all completed. I finished up just before supper. I was very pleased that Grace arrived just after the supper trays were delivered. There were two of them again like breakfast, with the second tray ordered again by Dr Johansen for Grace.

"How did things go with meeting Dr. Drake today, Grace?"

"She's not really happy about you wanting to go so soon. She'll be here soon for the meeting that I scheduled with her earlier."

"I'm not surprised that she's not thrilled about it. I believe that we need to bring Dr. Drake in on our plans so that she can understand the urgency that I get out of here."

"With Doctor - Patient confidentiality, it should be okay. I still have reservations about widening the number of people who know about this since any breach would direct action against you when you are very vulnerable."

"It's a risk but one that is worth taking so that all the work that I've done so far is not in vein. I've already taken Dr. Johansen into my confidence so she won't misinterpret my wanting to maintain the illusion of masculinity for a bit longer as not being willing to do what it takes so I can fit in as a woman since I know that is in my best interest and the only way I will be happy going forward."

"Of course you had to do that, Gerrie. I'm glad that Dr Johansen is in the loop. Perhaps we cam use that to our advantage and get her to vouch for your desire to be released without having to reveal the details to Dr Drake. I'll call her and invite her to help at the meeting."

"What a wonderful idea, Grace! Thanks."

Grace called Erika and she was free to come meet with us now, fortunately. Erika agreed to vouch for my need to leave ASAP so that our secret need not be revealed any further.

It seemed that all of the Doctors arrived at the same time, Dr. Drake and Dr. Johansen, we knew and there was another Doctor, whose name plate said Dr Linda Russell, MD Endocrinologist that Grace and I didn't know.

"Greetings all. I'm happy to see you here, Dr. Johansen. May I present, Dr. Linda Russell. She's an endocrinologist and I've asked her to consult with me on your case, Gerrie. Linda, this is Gerrie Mercer and her friend and holder of her durable power of attorney Grace Brooks."

"I'm glad to meet you, Gerrie and Grace. I look forward to helping Gerrie with her special situation."

"Thank you Dr. Russell. I need all the help I can get."

"I'm glad to meet you as well Dr Russell. Your reputation goes before you and I am sure that Gerrie is in good hands."

"I too am glad that you are on Gerrie's case and I look forward to working with you as Gerrie begins her journey, Linda."

"Thank you, Erika. Gerrie, I would like to start HRT immediately. It will be a while before any physical changes are apparent. The benefit in starting now is that it would help stabilize the chemistry in your new brain configuration which is now female."

"Gerrie, has been given full disclosure concerning HRT. I agree that starting it now is prudent and I approve it as well."

"I'll be supervising your HRT, regulating your dosages, and making sure that your medical condition is monitored so we can make any adjustments needed.".

"I look forward to starting that. Does that require that I be a constant in patient at the hospital?"

"Not at all although you will need to return at intervals to administer the HRT shots and do the required testing."

"That's good. Dr. Erika will confirm that information I have given her in confidence compels me to leave the hospital ASAP."

"I agree that Gerrie has a compelling reason to return to work. Her window of opportunity is shrinking since her unfinished business compels her to present as though she were a man for as long as she can to accomplish her goals."

"I am against this plan but I can't stop you from signing yourself out of the hospital. Based on Erika's assertion, I'll do my best to get you ready to do this since you'll do it anyway."

"Thank you for your help, Dr. Drake. I'll be signing myself out in the morning so I can get back to work."

"I'll do my best to help you be able to to cope physically with what you intend to do. I guess there is nothing more to say. I hope that you will not ignore the schedule that Dr. Linda Russell will give to you for your monitoring since your very life may depend on your compliance."

"I will comply with the schedule Dr. Russell sets."

"I guess that concludes our business tonight. I'll send orders so that you will be as able as you can be to leave the hospital tomorrow."

"Thank you Dr. Drake."

To say that Dr. Drake was displeased with me, was an understatement. However, having Erika here helped her see that I would not be dissuaded from carrying out my plan. Everyone left one by one until finally Grace and I said our good nights. I settled in for my last night's sleep at the hospital.