A Marvel X-Men Fanfiction starring Wolverine and Jean Grey

Author’s Note:

Logan has been given a death sentence. The alternative doesn’t seem much better to her. Just as she was coming to terms with her new situation and actually finding some measure of joy in it, all her dreams are going to be ripped away. But even as the X-Men deal with this latest crisis, Magneto and Sabretooth are still out there and Storm is still captive. Even if Hank has solved the riddle of Neural Net’s manipulation of Logan’s mutant healing factor, they are no closer to figuring out what Magneto has planned. This chapter doesn’t really have any violence, but Logan’s dismay at her alternatives does include contemplating her death. Please be aware of that dear reader. It’s again pretty intense, but more from an emotional point of view this time. I did mention in my introduction that there would be tears - this is one of those chapters. There’s still some of the usual explicit sex. We’re very close to the scene I warned everyone about in my introduction. Once again, I’d like to thank my proofreaders. Gabi (Xtrim), in particular, has been a huge help.

August 20, 2020 - I made some minor edits to the story and am posting them all at once.

Here’s a wiki you can use if you’re really lost: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-Men

© Nyssa 2019

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

• John Donne, Holy Sonnet 10

 

 

“I want whoever came up with that asinine protocol in front of me two hours ago! I’ll have their ass!” General Hawkins was livid.

His secretary, Sally Jessup, and the General’s aide-de-camp, Colonel Washington, exchanged a look.

“Ok, out with it…”

“Sir, Colonel Washington anticipated that you would want to speak with the officer giving the order, but we have found some.. irregularities,” said his secretary.

“Go on…”

The Colonel took up the narrative. “Sir, the orders were issued by a Colonel Brighton. When we looked them up during Captain Andrew’s call, they did not include a fail-safe phrase and they included a deadly fire authorization for any interference.”

“Which is moronic.”

“Yes sir, the problem is that the protocol should not have been written that way.”

“Which is why I want the asshole in my office.”

“Yes sir, but what I mean is that the order no longer refers to the modified protocol. It changed.” The Colonel knew he wasn’t explaining this well and looked to Sally for help.

“General Hawkins, if you will allow me,” she said. “I think I can get to the crux of this.” This was why the General valued her so much. “You see, we have compared the written, printed-out orders carried by the convoy to what Colonel Brighton’s secretary has on file and they do not match. We also have two computers in the information center that brought up the order at two different times. One as soon as Captain Andrews called in and another about a minute before the ambush would have happened. Only the printed order and what we saw when Captain Andrews called in are missing the fail-safe code and contain the deadly-fire authorization.”

“So this Colonel Brighton changed them?”

The Colonel took up the narrative again. “No sir, during the time when it could have been changed he was observing a security forces training exercise in a jungle 100 miles from any computer. But more importantly, there’s no evidence that the file was changed other than our observations.”

The General stared at them for a moment. “Ok, I may not be the most tech-savvy officer, but I know I’m always being told that something is ‘in the logs’ or something. Are you saying someone erased the logs?”

“No sir. I’m saying the file was obviously changed, but we cannot explain the mechanism used. If someone covered their tracks, they were so thorough we have no method for detecting them. No file checksums were off, no terminal accesses can be tied to it, no ip address, nothing. If we hadn’t seen the file before and after we wouldn’t have known and would have no means of finding out.”

“And if the ambush had been successful and everyone in the convoy had been killed?”

“Assuming the ambushers took the printed copy, there would be no evidence.”

“Who knows about this?”

“Just the three of us, sir. Individuals know pieces, obviously. We tried to be discreet.”

The General considered for a moment. “This is bad. We have some sort of infiltration. A major computer breach. I want all of the Joint Chiefs to assemble within 24 hours at the Rocky Mountain facility. Do not use any computer system to communicate and emphasize that restriction with them and their aides. Tell them not to even use their calendar, got it?”

“Yes sir.”

“Use the secure lines for all communication. We have no idea just what kind of surveillance might be in place. And you’re both coming with me.”

“Yes sir,” said the Colonel who saluted and left.

Sally hung back for a moment, chewing her lip.

“Sally? Something wrong?”

“No sir. At least nothing I can put my finger on.”

What Sally was trying to remember was that the General’s secure lines had been upgraded to the new VOIP (voice over IP) system so that the encryption could be done at a much more sophisticated level - by the computer system, which then routed the call over the internet.

Their plane would be hit by a massive bird strike shortly after takeoff. Investigators would later be stunned by the sheer number of birds, almost as if they were all determined to bring down that plane. There would be no survivors - avian or human.

>>X<<

“Ok Logan, we’re done,” said Hank.

Logan sat up in the sensor bed. After Hank’s announcement that Logan was dying, Jean had led a stunned Logan down to the medical center. The last couple of hours had definitely tried her patience. Charles and Jean had examined her brain function, which felt like bugs crawling around in her head. Meanwhile, Hank had poked and prodded her with various instruments that made no sense to Logan, even with her medical knowledge from her Jean memories,

Hank brought over another of his mad-scientist machines. This one looked like a cross between a praying mantis and a dentist drill.

“What’s that one for?” She asked.

“Ah,” said Hank. “This is a machine I developed with Dr. MacTaggert. Essentially, it measures your mutant reservoir. I have used it with you a few times, although I have made some modifications. You see, it was not able…”

“Hank,” said Jean, knowing Hank was about to discuss the entire theory behind the device. “Focus, we want to get her some answers.”

“Yes, of course.” He set about getting the machine prepared and pressed the switch to activate the scanner. “Oh my,” he said.

“Hank,” snarled Logan. “That’s not something you say in front of someone you just pronounced as terminal.”

“My apologies. When I first scanned you, before the transformation, your reserves were so high the machine couldn't accurately measure them. I have been able to take a few more since the transformation. All showed greatly reduced levels. I just compared them and realized that the last one was even worse than I expected. They are definitely trending down. The one I just took has dropped even more dramatically. I can only assume that your recent battle with Sabretooth is a contributing factor. These findings, unfortunately, confirm my hypothesis.”

Logan, Jean, and Charles waited for him to continue.

“Hank,” said Charles, “Perhaps you could outline your hypothesis…”

“Oh. Yes. You see, mutants such as you, Logan, have a reserve of mutant ability that they tap to fuel their mutant abilities. Your healing factor.”

“But it hasn’t slowed down, it still works like normal.”

“Yes, it would. Think of it like a car. As long as there is fuel in the tank, the car can move normally, even at high speed. It doesn’t matter if the tank is full or nearly empty.”

“So what happens when my tank is empty? My healing stops?”

“Yes, exactly. So you see the dilemma?”

“Not really. You said I’m dying. If I just become normal for a while until I can fuel up my tank again, so what?”

Hank was shaking his head. “No Logan, your tank will never refill. Not with how your body is at war with the template being imposed on it. In the average person, healing is a localized process that is controlled through hormones and enzymes - there is no guiding image. It is far more like patching than recreating. But you actually have a template in your brain that your mutant ability uses to not only patch injuries but return the damaged area to agree with the template. Neural Net patched a new Jean Grey template in over top of that template, but he could not foresee the war that it precipitated in your body, constantly burning through your healing factor as it perceives injury because your body is not in perfect alignment with the template. It is your healing ability that both keeps you to the template’s requirements and accommodates the impact on your body’s systems. You are constantly using healing at an incredibly high rate. Losing your healing ability will be fatal.”

“You know,” said Logan. “When a car runs out of gas, it’s not dead…”

“Logan,” said Hank. “It’s just an analogy. Suffice to say that you are rapidly depleting your reservoir of mutant ability and without it you will die. There is no means to replenish it other than to get your body to stop having to be in compliance with the Jean Grey template. You and Jean were not originally all that close in skeletal structure. She was taller, had a wider pelvis, different ratios of upper and lower limbs, etc. Because of the adamantium, your body is constantly trying to get you closer and closer to the Jean Grey template, but it can never get there. Your healing factor is burning itself out trying to reform your adamantium, or reform your bones and we must get it to stop.”

“But you said you don’t know how it works…”

“Perhaps you should explain to Logan what you’ve told us about the Logan template,” suggested Charles.

“The male Logan template is still there. Jean and the professor can sense it, even if they can’t decipher it. Our best guess is that it is dormant,” explained Hank.

“So how can we make it undormant or make the Jean Grey template stop messing things up?” asked Logan.

“Ahh,” said Hank, actually seeming excited, “That’s the thing. We can’t do either of those things really. Neural Net seems to have patched in the new template at a certain point. If we can remove those connection points and reroute the signals, it will bypass the new template. Once we have removed the connection to the Jean Grey template, the male Logan template will reassert itself.”

“You mean you hope it will reassert itself,” said Jean with her arms crossed and her eyes only on Logan.

“Well, yes, of course. But it would still remove the constant reinforcement of the Jean Grey template that is currently attacking her skeleton and killing her,” offered Hank.

“Grr, could we not call it that, please?” Jean requested. “It makes it sound like I’m doing this.”

“So let me get this straight,” said Logan, taking a short draw on a cigar and then looking directly at Hank with an intense expression. “You want them to edit my brain, possibly removing any guidance my mutant healing ability has, hope that doesn’t kill me, and then further hope that my body returns to its former male form? Is that about it?”

“Essentially,” said Hank somewhat reluctantly. “I wouldn’t put it that way…”

Before Hank could launch into another lecture, Logan interrupted. “What happens to me?”

Hank just looked confused. “I thought we were discussing that.”

“No,” said Logan standing now and becoming visibly agitated. “We’ve discussed everything EXCEPT that. What happens to the me that I’ve become? Who would I be?”

Before Hank could hope to form any sort of response, Jean walked over and, taking the cigar from Logan, took a draw and said, “It’s OK Hank. I got this.”

“But,” Hank starts.

“You’ve done a fine job of laying out the facts,” says Jean taking Logan’s hand and dragging him out of the room after stubbing out the cigar. “Now we need some girl talk.”

When they got to Jean’s room, she closed the door and turned Logan to face her. She could see the tears beginning to form in Logan’s eyes. She pulled Logan to her, their breasts pressing firmly against each other as she kissed her. It was a long, deep kiss full of passion and need. Their tongues sliding and pushing, not playing or teasing, just reaching for each other as if needing confirmation. After nearly a minute, Jean felt some tension begin to ease from the girl in her arms and she ended the kiss. Logan opened her eyes and just looked at her, obviously unsure of what to say. The questions she had asked Hank still hanging over her, making any step towards her future terrifying.

“I don’t think I can do it Jean,” said Logan. “I think I would rather die than go back to being that man.”

“My love,” said Jean softly, “The one thing you cannot do is die on me. I couldn’t bear it. You have to live.”

“But what’s going to happen to us? If I go back to being the old me, could we still be together? Like we are now?” Even as Logan said it, it felt like an icy chill had gone down her back and spread along every nerve.

Jean moved her hand to caress Logan’s cheek. “No my love. Not like we have been. You know it wouldn’t be the same. Even though it would mean losing a piece of my heart to give you up, there’s no way I could do that to Scott. If you were almost any other man, maybe I could be with both of you, but not with the history between you. I would have to choose.”

“And you would choose him.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Sweetie, as much as I cared for you, as much as I thought about being with you when you were a man, we never really were. I’m not saying it would be easy or that I wouldn’t cry my eyes out every night, but at least it’s a reality I’ve lived with before. If you were a woman, if that wasn’t a death sentence, I know that we would be lovers for the rest of our lives, and I wouldn’t care what that meant to Scott. Maybe it shouldn't be that way. But as a man…”

“Then I’m not going to change back,” said Logan, but it was clearly a desperate thought. Tears began to flow freely now and she clutched at Jean’s arms.

“No,” said Jean as she stared lovingly into eyes that were exactly like her own, but with a forlorn expression unlike any she had ever seen in her mirror. She kissed her again, just a light pressing of her lips to Logan’s. “Remember, you can’t die. I won’t allow it. Even though we were never really together before you became a woman, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you before. Your soul shines with the incandescent brilliance of a star to me and always has. I am so lucky that I have had two people in my life like that.”

“Me and dickhead.”

“Come on, you more than anyone else know what a great guy Scott is. You know how I feel about him - first hand,” said Jean trying to smile now.

“You’re right,” said Logan. “Just don’t tell him I said so.”

“God no, I’m already jealous of how attracted he is to you,” said Jean with a real smile now.

“You know, there’s still enough Logan in me to be creeped out by that.”

“Then why do your nipples get erect and your pussy start getting slippery every time he’s around you?” asked Jean smirking.

“Hey, I didn’t tell you about that!”

“Actually, you just did,” said Jean as she giggled slightly.

Logan blushed.

“Hey,” said Jean. “That’s what you wanted to tell me isn’t it? That your feelings, my feelings, for Scott are still with you. God, I’ve been so blind. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

Logan nodded as her eyes stung with unshed tears. She knew if she started now, it was going to be a long, slobbery night and that definitely wasn’t what she wanted. But somehow she felt better about things now that Jean knew and wasn't angry with her.

“I was going to tell Scott, too. Not that I was going to do anything about how I feel and not that I wanted him to do anything. I’ve treated him pretty badly. I guess… It’s weird telling you this, but it hurt that he chose you when I had the same feelings for him. I just never got to tell him. And now, there’s no point…” Logan looked at Jean, terrified that she still might be angry, but all she saw was love and understanding.

“I think I can kind of put myself in your place. At least as far as how that must have felt. I just feel bad that I had all the information I needed to know what you were going through but… I was too wrapped up in myself.” She stroked Logan’s hair and pulled a few strands that had fallen unto her cheeks aside. “You know that no matter what is between us physically that we will always be closer than any two people could ever be, right? I will love you for every moment, every breath while I live. We don’t have to be lovers for that to be true.”

Logan nodded and rested her forehead against Jean’s. “I do believe that. I don’t know what it will be like to go back to being a man with the mind I have now. The thought terrifies me. But I have to admit that I also can’t really picture being with you that way.”

“Really? We’ve been together that way a few times now.”

“Well, not exactly. And I don’t mean because we’re both women. Because we make love kinda like a man and a woman. I mean, I know things are different between us than between a man and a woman. Obviously,” as Logan gestured at her body. “But it’s more like you are closer to being the man. Not that you really act like a man and you certainly enjoy all the things two girls can do to each other when making love… But when you look at me or kiss me, it’s different than I think it’d be if I was still a man. And when you use that Psycho Cock on me...”

“I do not call it that. It’s a Psionic Cock.”

“Well it certainly drives me psycho,” giggled Logan. “But you get what I mean, right?”

Jean smiled and nodded. “So here’s what you’re going to do,” she said. “You’re going to take your clothes off, then mine and we’re going to snuggle in this bed until you’ve stopped crying. Then we’re going to make out and when you’re begging me to take you I will make love to you one final time.”

Logan stared at her in stunned silence for a second.

“Actually,” said Jean, “it’ll be several times, but one final night, now - clothes…”

“But,” started Logan “Shouldn’t we get back…”

“Shh,” said Jean, placing her finger on Logan’s lips. “Don’t ask stupid questions when you’re about to get your brains fucked out.”

Logan began slipping out of her clothes. “Is that the expression?”

Once they were in bed, there were tears, as Jean had said. From both of them. But eventually the snuggling gave way to stroking, then kissing. Soon both of them were so wrapped up in feeling the closeness of the other and how they felt about each other, that nothing else seemed to exist. When Jean began cupping Logan’s right breast and pulling at the nipple from the base, Logan responded with a kiss filled with passion. Her tongue gently slid towards Jean’s to teasingly invite it into her mouth.

Jean responded with something approaching a growl and leaned up over Logan, sliding her full lips against Logan’s as she thrust her tongue aggressively against Logan’s. Her hand began to knead Logan’s breast. Logan could smell the spike in Jean’s arousal and it drove her own passion even higher.

After a couple of minutes of kissing that made Logan feel like she couldn’t catch her breath, Jean moved so that she could take Logan’s nipple into her mouth. Her own breast dangled into Logan’s view. Logan took the opportunity to pull it into her mouth. Thus, in tandem, they began to suck and nip at each other’s nipples. Logan ran her tongue all around it as Jean flicked at Logan’s with her tongue and let it slide out between her plump lips, catching it before it completely popped free. Logan used the flat of her tongue to firmly press into Jean’s areola and drag it across the nipple, following up by licking all around it and pulling at it with her lips. They teased each other like this for several minutes before Logan reached out and began kneading Jean’s other breast and tweaking its nipple.

Jean responded by reaching her hand down to Logan’s pubic mound and sliding her fingers over the edge and into the space between Logan’s labia. Until that moment, Logan hadn’t realized how slick and wet she was, but Jean’s fingers tracing along the outer lips and dipping into the space between to play lightly along her inner folds slid smoothly due to the lubrication. Logan moaned around the nipple in her mouth and quickened the pace of her ministrations. They both continued escalating their play, each trying to surprise the other.

Finally Jean stopped and looked up at Logan with an intense desire in her eyes. “I have to taste you.” She slid down Logan’s body and was soon running her tongue over the very same area that her fingers had been stroking and dipping into. Logan reached for Jean’s leg and encouraged her to move it so that she would be straddling Logan’s face. This revealed Jean’s own glistening labia.

Jean began to not only slide her tongue along Logan’s labia but to pull Logan’s inner lips between her own full, luscious lips, licking them just before they pulled free. Logan gasped at the sensations and began to push her own tongue and lips into Jean’s folds, trying as best she could to emulate what was being done to her. After a few overly aggressive moments, she got the hang of it and both of them happily moaned into each other’s vagina as they teased each other marvelously and mercilessly.

Then Jean began to lick Logan’s clitoral hood. From her position, she had to lick downwards. Her touch was light but insistent. Logan was shaken with an involuntary shudder of white-hot pleasure. She desperately tried to return the favor but ended up mostly thrashing her head back and forth over Jean’s clitoral area. She didn’t have much control over her senses at that point.

Jean continued her methodical licking of Logan’s clit area, although Logan’s wild ministrations were both distracting and pleasurable even if they were a little unfocused. She alternated strokes along the sides and over the top of the hood with more sucking on Logan’s inner labia and licks all along the labia and the opening to her vagina. Logan’s fluids were flowing quite freely by now and her vagina was fairly pulsing with spasms from the stimulation she was getting.

Logan, for her part was making little mewling cries and soft grunts as she wildly whipped her tongue over Jean’s labia. She felt her own need to offer up the perfect area for Jean to lick or suck, but every place Jean did lick just seemed better than wherever she had offered up. By the time she had offered up the perfect surface for Jean to lick, Jean had already moved on to another incredible stimulation. In trying to return the delicious feelings, she just moved in a frenzy, licking everything.

Then Jean began to lightly flick at Logan’s erect clit and press down on the area next to it with her tongue, while still continuing her other attentions to Logan’s labia and vaginal opening. Logan thought she would lose her mind here. Her back arched slightly and she gave a groaning exhale.

Logan began to run her own tongue insistently along Jean’s clitoral hood. Jean’s clit was also very exposed and the end of each of Logan’s strokes flicked and stroked her clit deliciously. But as incredible as all this felt, it wasn’t how she wanted their first orgasm of the night to happen.

Jean planted one final kiss on Logan’s labia and pivoted around. Logan’s eyes were practically spinning in her head she was so close to cumming. “Aww,” she said in protest.

“Shh,” said Jean. “I need to be in you my love.”

Logan smiled and opened her legs further. Jean kissed her and they could both taste their juices on the other’s lips. Identical in taste, but for Logan, supercharged with arousal scents and pheromones. She groaned into Jean’s mouth and Jean slid the length of her invisible cock into her folds. The feeling of it sliding slickly in and pushing aside her inner lips, lips swollen by all of the attention they’d been getting, made her lift her hips up to hurry the penetration. When she felt Jean’s pubic bone press against her own, she wrapped her legs around Jean to pull her tighter to her.

Jean began to move within her. Barely moving out, she focused more on rubbing their two clitoral areas together. Light smacking sounds testified to the flow of fluids pouring from them both. Jean bent her head so that she could again take Logan’s nipple into her mouth.

Logan cried out and began urgently raising her hips to meet each thrust from Jean. Then she felt something, almost like a tongue stimulating her clit directly. But there couldn’t be…

“Jean? Oh god, baby? Is that you?”

Jean let go of Logan’s nipple with a slight pop. She smiled down at her. “Do you like it?”

Logan was having trouble putting thoughts together as Jean fucked her and stroked her clit with that invisible tongue. “I love… love it. But honey, not now.” The tongue disappeared and Jean looked a little concerned. “Honey, I’m sure you can drive me to untold numbers of orgasms and white-hot levels of pleasure. But right now, I just want to be with you and I want to be able to remember every single second. It’s going to have to last me.”

Jean smiled and kissed her. Logan felt her heart swell even further. Ironically, the trust and love and understanding she felt at that moment was just what she needed to push her over into orgasm. Just a few seconds later, she was bucking her hips and clutching at Jean, who followed suit just moments later.

It was several hours before they were completely done and sharing a cigar while they stroked each other’s sweaty bodies.

“You said your old memories and my memories were making it hard for you,” said Jean quietly. “Can you tell me about that?”

“Well, it was kinda like being two people. My perspective kept changing. Gradually I realized that I wasn’t really you and I wasn’t really Logan anymore. And that I could choose to be whatever combination I wanted to be. Even something new. But I have to admit, a very large part of me is you.”

Jean caressed her face and kissed her before handing back the cigar. “That’s very sweet, but you still seem pretty unique to me.”

“And now,” sighed Logan. “I have to start all over again. I have to go back to being a man. Something I never had a problem with. But now, having been a woman, with a woman’s life integrated into my memories, my sense of self…”

“But he’s just as much a part of you as my memories are. More probably, because you’ve lived longer than I have. But you don’t have to be anything other than who you are… Lolo, Logan isn’t someone else, some ghost, he is you.”

“When I close my eyes, it almost feels like he is there, hovering over me. Just waiting to come back. When I think back to who I was, it’s almost as if some of my senses were muted, but instead of sight or smell, it was my emotional senses. I went through life trying to ignore them. Or at least control them. Now I feel so much more, I am closer to the people I love than I ever thought possible. My emotional senses have come alive since the transformation. I don’t want him to take that away from me.”

“Lolo, I won’t let that happen. I love you and always will.” Jean wrapped her arms and legs around Logan and they both drifted off to sleep entwined in each other.

>>X<<

Logan quietly entered Don’s room. Most of the lights were out and he was actually wearing sunglasses. She could tell he was asleep. She went over and climbed onto the bed and laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She inhaled his scent.

“Lolo?”

“Hi baby. How are you?”

“Been better. Doc says the ribs should be healed pretty quickly, just like with my ankle. But he doesn’t have anything for concussions. So I’m being observed to see if I have symptoms.”

“You would tell him if you did, right?”

“Absolutely, I assumed this crazy technology would know.”

“Maybe, but just in case. You have to be ok.”

“Lolo,” said Don seriously. “What’s wrong?”

Logan shook her head and snuggled back down against him. “Not yet.” She put her left leg over him to get as much contact with him as possible.

It took a few minutes for the tension in Don’s body to relax. He wanted to know what was bothering Logan but also wanted to respect her wishes. So he just gently stroked her arm and occasionally kissed the top of her head. He was pretty sure he felt the wetness of tears soak through his pajamas after a couple of minutes.

“I want you to know that the time I’ve spent with you has been some of the best moments in a very long life…”

“Ok, now you’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I have…” she sobbed once and pulled herself together. “I have to go back.”

“Back? Back where?”

Her heart felt like it was shattering over and over at this point. “I have to go back to being the old me. Staying like this is killing me. If I don’t change back… I’ll die.”

Don was stunned. “When?” he asked after a moment.

“Right away. It’s progressing rapidly.” She raised her head and Don could see the tears flowing down her face. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know who I’ll be. I just wanted you to know…”

“I love you,” Don blurted out.

“Please don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I don’t know what I will be capable of physically when you…” he just let that trail off. “But I will always be there for you. I won’t stop loving you.” Don reached his hand up to caress her cheek and wipe away some of the tears.

“I love you too.” But she shook her head. “I love you enough to say that I want you to be happy. You don’t need to feel like you owe me anything. You don’t have to try to be something you’re not.” The irony that she would have to try to do exactly that was not lost on her.

“My ass is yours. Always will be.’

In spite of herself, Logan smiled. “I want that ass to live a long and happy life. Have kids, a future… I can’t offer you that, but I will damn sure do what I can to see that you have it.”

“I’m not leaving, if that’s what you’re saying.”

Logan nodded her head sadly. “Please? At least for now. It’s going to break my heart as it is to go back to that male shell. Give me some time before I have to deal with the heartbreak of seeing you and not being able to be with you like this, ok?”

Don stared into her eyes, breathing a little heavily for over a minute. “Promise me Lolo, that you’ll let me come back. That I can be a part of your life in some way?”

“I promise.” She snuggled up against him and again inhaled his scent. After a minute, she said into his chest, “Once I think my heart won’t shatter into a million pieces.” She ached to make love to him one last time but knew that with his possible concussion and what was hanging over them, she would have to settle for being curled up against him and being cherished.

>>X<<

“Logan,” said Charles as she entered his study. “How are you?”

“Truthfully? I’m barely holding it together.”

“I think I understand. This isn’t the path you had chosen.”

“No. It kinda feels like no matter what I do, it’s a death sentence.” She tried not to sob at this point.

“Logan, I realize that this is clearly the end of a revelatory period in your life, but I hope you can see that everyone here is going to support you completely. We all know that this isn’t going to be easy. I would think that what you have experienced since the transformation would make it clear that you are not alone. You never have been as long as you have been with us.”

She couldn’t stop a single tear, but it wasn’t from the chasm of sorrow that she’d been feeling like she’d been standing on the precipice of since Hank’s pronouncement. “Yeah, I guess I should see that. I’m trying, but I’ve been on my own for so long, it’s still tough.”

“Tell me Logan,” said Charles. “What is it that has kept you going throughout your long life? What has been your purpose, your reason for existence?”

She stopped, utterly stunned by the question. It seemed almost a non-sequitur. “Uhh, I don’t know. I guess being there for the people I care about. Maybe trying to make the world a better place? Do the right thing, especially when no one else will… or can. What I do may not be very nice, but I do hope that I’ve done good when I can.”

“That doesn’t really sound like someone who is really alone. It sounds to me like your whole reason for being is based on others. It sounds an awful lot like a hero. And it sounds exactly like my very dear friend, and someone whom the entire team is proud to know.”

“Thanks, Chuck.” It really did help to hear those words. “But I’m still not sure I can picture what it’s going to be like. Who I’m going to be. I felt like I was just getting to the point where my memories and my sense of who I am were sorted out and I like who I am. Now, to go back to being that man… I don’t know if I can handle going back to that life.”

“Logan, who says you have to go back to anything?”

“Huh? I mean, Hank said…”

“That’s just your physical body. I realize that’s no small thing, but there’s no need for you to change who you are on the inside. Yes, there will obviously be challenges and many of your hopes and dreams will have to be altered. But face them as the person you are now, not as some approximation of who you were. Don’t think that you need to go back, because you actually can’t. You aren’t that person anymore.”

Logan felt her head wobble slightly as that struck her. “Hunh.” She was actually speechless for a moment. The phrase “You aren’t that person anymore.” kept echoing in her head.

“Logan, life puts so many obstacles in our paths, just through random chance and happenstance. Please don’t add any more on your own. Be who you are. Because, quite frankly, you are the very embodiment of a hero.“ Charles placed his hand on Logan’s arm. “As for whether we will accept the new you? We are your friends; we admire you. We will not only accept you, but we will also celebrate you. We will celebrate still having you with us.”

Logan felt that her back seemed a little more upright and she felt a warm glow in her heart from Charles’ words. She didn’t think she would describe herself as happy, but she felt she could move forward with something other than a sense of impending doom.

She placed a hand on Charles’s shoulder. “Thank you, that means a lot. I’m very glad we had this talk.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

As she walked out of the room, Charles said quietly, “So am I, my friend, so am I.”

>>X<<

“Kitty!”

Kitty rushed over and hugged Logan hard. Logan pulled her against her breasts and rocked her slightly.

“Jean told me. I’m so sorry, Lolo.”

“It’s gonna be ok Sis. You’ll just be getting your overprotective big brother back.”

Kitty looked up at her with tears in her eyes, but a sad smile. “But I know you’d really rather still be my big sister.”

Logan tried to hold back her tears. Her eyes stung and things became blurry for a moment. “It’s more important that I’m here for you. For all of you.”

Kitty put her head back down. After a moment, she asked, “Is it Ok if sometimes, when we’re alone… if I still called you Lolo?”

A couple of tears made their way down Logan’s face. It was a moment before she trusted her voice to answer. “I think I’d like that kiddo.”

>>X<<

“I’ll be here the entire time,” said Jean, stroking Logan’s forehead.

“I’m not sure I want to be here,” responded Logan.

Jean smiled at her, but it was a slightly sad smile.

Hank came over and looked down at Logan where she lay on the med bay bed. “I will be strapping you down now. I am not expecting there will be any issues, but just to ensure there’s no chance of falling…”

Hank strapped Logan down. “Jean, are you ready?”

Jean nodded. “Lolo, Charles is going to put you under now, ok?”

Logan nodded and Jean kissed her on the forehead and walked over to where Charles was and sat in the chair next to him.

Logan felt as if a warm blanket was enveloping her. She closed her eyes and felt consciousness slip away. A single tear escaped her right eye as she thought about the fate that awaited her when she awoke.

Jean and Charles lowered their heads and began.

Hank watched his instruments. He could see the spike in Logan’s vitals, but could only watch his version of an MRI to see if there were changes to her segment of the brain where they believed the Jean Grey template was patched in. He had no real way of knowing how the procedure was going. He watched as brain activity in the target area flared slightly and slowly began to change. After fifteen minutes, Jean looked up.

Hanks rushed over. “Was there any difficulty?”

“Everything went as you had laid it out, Hank,” said Jean.

“Excellent,” replied Hank. “We can check with Charles once he has Logan stabilized.”

Jean got up and looked over at where Logan lay in the med bay bed. “Have the changes begun?”

“Let me see,” but as he turned to go back to his instruments, they could all see small twitches begin along Logan’s arms and legs. “Ahh, yes,” he said. “It looks like it is beginning.”

“Hank, there’s one thing I don’t understand,” said Jean.

“Yes?”

“So I understand that without the other template, Logan’s original body should be restored by his healing factor…”

“Yes, and that is what I believe is already happening,” said Hank.

“So where is all that mass going to come from?”

Hank turned to her, his eyes wide.

Logan convulsed abruptly and her entire body lifted off the table to strain against the bindings. A scream, guttural and raw echoed through the room. Alarms from Hank’s instruments began to sound. Charles grabbed his head and moaned in pain.

“Oh my,” said Hank.

Blood began to seep from Logan’s pores.

 

 

WHAT HAS HANK DONE? HAS HE COMMITTED MAN’S GREATEST SIN (ACCORDING TO CHARLES XAVIER) OF OVERSIMPLIFICATION? OR HAS NEURAL NET’S FATALLY FLAWED MANIPULATION MESSED THINGS UP FURTHER? CAN LOGAN, IN HER WEAKENED STATE SURVIVE? MAGNETO’S SCHEMES HAVE TAKEN MORE LIVES AND BOTH LOGAN’S AND STORM’S ARE STILL HANGING BY A THREAD. CAN THE UNCANNY X-MEN SAVE BOTH OF THEM AND STOP MAGNETO? FIND OUT NEXT TIME IN THE FERAL SAGA - END OF AND ERA!

 

 

Even cheese that stinks can be difficult to create.

End Note:

Kudos are always welcome, but I really do want to know what you think of the story, so please comment. It doesn't have to be positive but if you have a correction, a PM would be more appropriate than a comment, so we don't bore everyone else with trivialities. If you are upset that this story contained violence, graphic sex, non consensual actions, or mind control even after all my warnings and flags then I can't help you. If you want to demonstrate your superior knowledge of all things X-Men, please save it and just make lots of smug faces as you read my egregious errors. I'm here to have some fun and I hope I have provided you with some as well. ‘Nuff said. Until next time - Excelsior!