Feral Saga Chapter 16 - Duplicity

by Nyssa

A Marvel X-Men Fanfiction starring Wolverine and Jean Grey

Author‘s Note:

So, a little better at getting this chapter out, but it‘s still late. Honestly, I wrote plenty for this chapter, it just ended fitting better into the next chapter. And then I wrote more stuff for the next chapter. Sigh. But I hope you like this one - it’s VERY heavy on the violence, but a lot of events are finally coming together and some superheroes are going to have to deal. Which isn‘t exactly Lolo’s strong suit. Thanks for still giving this weird story a chance, Once again, I‘d like to thank my proofreaders. Gabi (Xtrim), in particular, has been a huge help, but I have been blessed with several more (anonymous) reviewers and I thank them as well.

August 20, 2020 - I made some minor edits to the story and am posting them all at once.

Here’s a wiki you can use if you’re really lost: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-Men

© Nyssa 2020

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Love is a most elusive spirit, that shall ne‘er

Be ensnared by the hungry aching for a care.

Love chooses its own meat to feed upon,

None shall dictate terms to it, even in song.

• Excerpt from Duplicity, thy Name is Woman!
  “Poems for the Flood (Volume III)” by Julian Wright
  Feel free to be offended by the title, but I really liked this part of it

 

“We are nearing a critical juncture in our efforts,” said Magneto from the video screen. “Is everything still proceeding to plan?”

“Yes sir,” said IC, once again clad in a T-shirt, black jeans, and Vans. “I have verified everything several times and even done some scaled integration testing. There will be no issues. We go live in just a few hours.”

“Excellent news, but I would like to hear what your contingency plans are.”

“Of course. We have over one thousand systems that are outside of the mapped nodes and are under our control. These systems have full access to the currently infected systems via backdoors, but we’ve flushed all the caches and logs from all the nearby network devices so they are completely unknown. Should anything go wrong, we will be able to re-infect the target systems in minutes.”

“I won’t pretend I understood all of that, but do I have it correct that we still would have lost this opportunity to seize control undetected?” asked Magneto.

“Correct, it would definitely mean a delay and more risk.”

“And our other contingency plans?”

“You mean the X-Men? Yes, I just checked with Colonel Black. They will launch a full offensive strike 30 minutes before the upload.”

“Good, we want them distracted. I don’t need Charles or his fancy machine coming in to save the day at the last minute. It certainly does sound as if you have us well prepared. Did you also include the little surprise for Charles and his precious machine?”

“Yes, it’s built into the armor. You know, I was mostly following your plan. I’m just trying to do my part.”

“If you only knew how rare that is… Competence is something most of my compatriots struggle with and my plans have suffered greatly due to that flaw.” mused Magneto.

“Well, I think having someone you trust on the inside definitely improves our chance.”

“True, but we can’t let that lull us into a false sense of security. Not that I am not appreciative of the assistance your group provided. It is good to have a trusted ally return.”

>>X<<

“Aww crap,” said Logan, holding up her top and pants with a sneer.

“What?” asked Scott as he quickly pulled on his clothes.

“I got semen all over my outfit.”

“So? We’re under attack!”

“I love you bub, but I ain't runnin’ around with your splooge all over my clothes.”

“Who is going to know?”

“Hello? I will. Don’t worry, I have a training outfit in the lockers just outside the garage. You go ahead and I’ll be right out.” Logan began to move toward the door, oblivious to her nudity.

“Lolo,” Scott said urgently. “Here,” he said as he tossed her his shirt.

Logan smiled as she quickly threw it on and ran across the garage to the hallway and her locker outside one of the training areas. She opened her locker to find one of her grey Wolverine-style outfits that had been tailored for her new form and a couple of sports bras, but no panties. “Guess I’m going commando.”

Although she had been extremely quick in her dash across the garage, there was one person who saw her race across the area, her naked ass flashing as her breasts lifted Scott’s shirt while she ran. He also saw Cyclops emerge from the same door, bare-chested, just a moment later. Bobby had been sent to see if any students were in the garage area. It was a full minute before he was able to stop thinking about what he might have just witnessed and to report the all-clear.

“Logan,” came Charles’s voice in her head. She was just pulling the training outfit up onto her shoulders.

“Yeah Chuck, want to get me up to speed?”

“We have at least 75 hostiles, heavily armored, attacking from multiple points all around the campus using traditional automatic or semi-automatic weapons. At this time we have no casualties, but I have had Storm take all of the students to the lower levels.”

“What the hell?” she thought to herself. “Baselines attacking?”

“Where are you and Hank?” she thought back to Professor Xavier.

“I am heading into Cerebro now and Hank should have the automated defense system up in a minute.”

“OK, see if he can do some damage with some manual overrides too. I’m going to organize a welcoming party.”

“Very good.”

Logan found Scott a short distance from the garage. “Cyclops,” she hissed in a stage whisper. “Get down.” Fortunately, he immediately ducked behind a low wall as bullets tore into the planters above. She moved quickly along the wall until she was next to him.

“You’re barefoot,” said Scott, also in a stage whisper.

“It’s better this way.” She flexed her talons. “You know the pool house at the end of this wall?”

Scott nodded.

“Head around it, that should get you to a flanking position. I think there’s four in this group, but watch for someone doing mop-up.”

“What about you? I don’t want to just abandon you.”

She kissed him and patted his cheek. “This is no time for insubordination, dickhead.”

Scott smirked and headed off.

“Lolo?”

“Hey, beautiful.”

“Where were you; are you alright?” Jean sounded slightly frantic in her head.

“I’m fine,” she answered, ignoring the first part of that question. “Where are you now?”

“I’m in the main hallway near the front.”

“Ok good, I’m heading that way, but stay inside. We need you on communications with Charles. I want you to contact Iceman, Shadowcat, and Rogue. The Professor is with Beast and they are manning automated defenses. The rest of the students are in a bunker with Storm.”

“Contacting them now,” Jean said. “And Charles and I have established an open communication.”

“Ok, you knock out as many as you can psychically, but you and the Professor need to be the communications hub, so don’t get caught up in that. Get Iceman working on causing terrain issues, but I don’t want him in the line of fire. See if Shadowcat can scout them, I want to know who’s in charge of this idiot paintball crew and if they have something in reserve. Tell Rogue to be strategic, just take out the threats that get too close to the school. We can’t let her get caught away from the main buildings. And she may need to rescue Kitty if she can’t get back before she has to go solid again.”

“Got it. What are you going to do?”

“Something Ororo mentioned; wreak havoc.”

“I smell gun oil and the sweat of morons,” she thought as she moved along the wall and used some bushes as cover to get to one of the student outbuildings. “Let’s see if I can add the smell of fear.”

There was a covered eating area right beside the building and Logan used one of the concrete support pillars to repel herself up onto the roof with two leaps. She then ran across the side of the roof that was out of the line of sight from the nearest attackers and threw her body across the several-meter gap between the roof and a sturdy oak tree’s trunk.

She listened to the crew below her to see if they’d spotted her.

“Hey, why is everything getting covered in ice?”

“They’re mutants, they can do that kinda stuff. Everybody knows that.”

“Why don’t they just turn us to ice?”

“Don’t give ‘em any ideas, shithead.”

At that point, the branch Logan was using for support gave under her weight and she had to grip the trunk with her talons to keep from falling.

“Heads up! I see one, it’s in that tree.”

As the sound of gunfire exploded and bits of tree and leaves began to shower down, Logan dropped down into their midsts.

She cut through the rifle of the first attacker she saw with a quick overhand strike of her claws. Then, seeing he had the straps over one shoulder and around his other side, she grabbed the two pieces of the rifle and threw her body down and backward, launching the very startled attacker into two of his crew members, who all went down in a heap. The fourth member was still raising his gun when she struck. She had to turn to reach his gun and cut it in two, then used her momentum to throw her head and shoulders down and performed a cartwheeling kick to the side of his head, her toe talons leaving deep cuts across his cheek.

She leapt to the side, anticipating the spray of gunfire from the two crewmembers that still had their guns and had untangled themselves from their thrown comrade. She repelled herself off of a nearby tree and locked her legs around the nearest attacker’s head and shoulders. She threw her upper body down in an arc and when she released him, he was launched into a tree, striking his head. As soon as Logan hit the ground, she used her leg to sweep the legs out from the other armed attacker. Once he was down, a quick heel kick relieved him of the ability to breathe momentarily. The attacker that she had first thrown was now standing, holding a large knife, but looking very unsteady.

“Wha… what the hell are you?”

“I’m the hall monitor.” Logan kicked out before he could react and his knife went flying as her foot contacted his hand. She stepped toward him and sliced the buckles fastening his armor. As it slid to the ground, she held up her claws. The attacker immediately turned and ran, not realizing that there was a tree right behind him and colliding with the trunk. A quick, clawless, punch to the back of the head ensured he was unconscious.

“You might want to put that away,” she said, turning to the only attacker who wasn’t unconscious. He was still struggling to breathe, but he was pointing a Glock at her with a hand that shook very badly.

“Fuck you, Hall Monitor,” he said as he fired off two shots that hit her and two more that missed. Suddenly his gun wouldn’t fire any more as a little more than half of it was missing.

She used her elbow to strike his jaw, sending his head snapping backward and rendering him unconscious as the two bullets were pushed out of her body and fell quietly to the ground. She quickly cut through the buckles holding all of their armor on and rendered their guns useless.

It was a couple of minutes before Logan found her next cluster of attackers. They were behind some rocks at the edge of the tree line near the northwest corner of the campus. Logan would have to take the long way around or put up with being shot multiple times, and it would be difficult to do it noiselessly. She looked up into the trees and smiled. Soon she was leaping and swinging from tree to tree as she made her way in an arc through the woods to come up behind the group.

As she launched herself from the last branch and dropped the seven meters to land behind them, she struggled to keep the berserker condition in check. The previous fight and the travel through the trees had been exhilarating. She landed with only a small sound. As one of the attackers turned at the noise, she said, “Hello boys, can I see your hall pass?” A side-kick to the first attacker's chest threw him back so that his head struck the rock he’d been using for shelter.

“Lolo, I have news from Kitty and Hank,” said Jean.

Logan ducked below a wild swing at her head from the attacker on her other side with the stock of his Bushmaster M17 rifle and swung her arm up and between the man’s arms to cut through his gun with her claw.

“Yeah, go ahead Jean.”

As the man stupidly stared at the two pieces of his gun, Logan stepped into his body and hit his chin with a solid uppercut that lifted him off the ground. He was unconscious before he hit the ground in a heap.

“Omigod Lolo? This is so cool I can, like, feel how pissed-off you are. Are you like this all the time?” asked Kitty’s voice in her head.

Logan was raked with a spray of bullets before she rendered the attacker’s gun useless. He did lose the end of a finger as her aim was somewhat affected.

“Kitty, I could use a report. We can talk about my moods later.”

“Right. I found there’s one big guy with a gun that looks bigger than everybody else’s. I think he’s in charge. He’s about a hundred and fifty yards from you.”

While the attacker was staring at his bloody hand, Logan spun in a roundhouse kick, catching him with a heel to the temple. He fell to the ground as if he was a tree cut down.

“We have got to get you up to speed on proper identification of firearms,” said Logan. “You safe?” she asked.

“Yeah, just real winded from all that running.”

Logan continued her spin from the kick and slashed through the blade of the knife the final attacker was brandishing. The berserker rage was right there, a red fog tinged the outside of her vision.

“Lolo,” said Jean. “Hank says there’s nothing being held in reserve. He’s used a drone to fly over the area. This is it. There’s no backup coming.”

Logan, with her claws extended, began to swing her other arm towards the final attacker’s groin. Rather than feeling lost or distracted by her berserker mode, she felt a clarity and a comfort along with excitement and a rush that made her feel more alive. But her conscious mind could still sense the danger and feared a return to the animalistic mode that had overtaken her when Sabretooth injected her with that drug.

Jean sent her a pulse of concern and love.

At the last second, Logan redirected and cut through his belt instead. As his pants began to slip, he reached for them and Logan quickly cut through the buckles of his armor, which fell away. The man was trembling at his lack of defense. He looked down at her chest and abdomen as several bullets pushed their way out. When he looked up, a head-butt from Logan knocked him out… And kept her from accidentally using her claws on him.

“Feral?” This time it was Charles in her head.

“Go ahead Professor,” she said as she relieved this group of their armor and any functioning weapons.

“I have Cyclops here.”

Logan shook with relief and a slight thrill when Scott’s voice sounded in her head. It was so like her memories of being Jean and reading his mind as they made love. She very nearly tried to send a wave of love towards him.

“Feral, I cleared my group and another that caught up to them I’m headed towards you now,” Scott said.

“Hold up. Charles, are there any remaining groups between the old pool house and my location?”

“No, but they are clearly reacting to our efforts and are on the move. I should note that they are wearing some sort of scrambling device that is making it difficult to render them unconscious with Cerebro - at least without killing them.”

“They’re also wearing upgraded armor, definitely not standard-issue,” added Scott. “It took some pretty strong beam strength to take them out, so whatever they are wearing it is energy beam resistant.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not using any energy beams,” she thought as she crept up on the next cluster of attackers.

“Ok, Cyclops, head my way, but be careful. They’re all outfitted with matching Bushmaster M17 rifles, so it’s probably mercenaries, not military. Chuck, have you found any snipers?”

“Yes, and that has been the focus for Jean and I. We have managed to render them unconscious, without killing them. Hank has also managed to pin down about 20 near the front gates.”

Logan noted that the entire open area between the buildings and the trees was now covered in a sheet of ice. She heard a crunch of ice to her left and detected movement in the shadows under the eaves of an old, abandoned caretaker’s stone shack. It looked like two figures. She began to make her way through the trees, which was, unfortunately once again a curving route. She saw the two attackers rise up and recognized that they had grenade launchers aimed at the main school building.

“Crap, crap, crap.” She poured on the speed, darting right through the open area now, her toe talons gripping the turf as it continued to ice over. “Not going to get there…” She dipped into her berserker rage to access more speed.

A red beam flashed and the grenade launchers went spinning from the attacker’s hands and the attackers were both thrown heavily into the stone walls of the caretaker’s shack.

“There,” shouted a very large man from deeper in the shadows as he raised his rifle and pointed to the open area to Logan’s right where the beam had come from. “That’s our target. Fire at will.”

The blood rushing through her veins was like a song in her ears. The adrenaline pumping through her veins, the glycogen flooding her to propel her muscles made her want to cry out. She snarled in fury as she realized that their target was Scott, her mate.

Then she heard a horrible sound, the sound of someone slipping and falling on the ice in the area where she knew her mate would be.

The gunman who first called out the target adjusted his firing selector on the large assault rifle, she saw it was an AK-107. “Jam-o-matic showy piece of crap,” was her last coherent thought as the bloodlust and her desperation fully took over. The rage and fear she felt at the threat to her mate propelled her to speeds she had never before achieved.

The gunman fired a single burst as she collided with him, her claws sinking deep into his chest. He grunted at the impact and looked down at her snarling face as she withdrew her claws. Then, with a ferocious strike, she severed his right arm just below the shoulder. He screamed in agony and reflexively raised his left arm. In her rage, Logan just saw it as another threat and cut the arrn midway through the bicep. She took one deep breath and it was as if he was lit up from the inside. She could see every bone, every tendon, and she sliced through his neck at precisely the same point as she had with Sabretooth.

Colonel Black barely had time to think, “Fuckin’ mutants.”

She turned to the final member of the group, who had been in the shadows with the Colonel, the final threat to her mate. She raised her bloody claw, a hissing growl escaping her lips as she prepared to strike. She smiled at her victory and the chance to further her vengeance against those who would threaten her mate.

The gunman, horrified after watching this savage she-demon butcher his commanding officer, threw down his rifle and dropped to his knees.

Logan just growled and smiled wider, satisfied that this one who had threatened her mate realized the error of his ways. Her rage spiraled as she anticipated the thrill she would feel when she had slaughtered this insignificant creature who would threaten or harm her mate. But her arm would not move…

“Feral!”

Logan turned to the voice, her face screwed up in anger, her eyes wide and pupils dilated. It was Jean, who had obviously run out to find her and who was looking at Logan with a horrified expression. Logan shook her head in frustration and bared her teeth, snarling at being denied a death strike.

“Lolo, he’s surrendered. They’ve all surrendered, it’s over. You don’t need to kill him,” Jean said, walking slowly toward Logan across grass that was no longer covered in ice.

“No! He deserves to die,” was the thought in Logan’s head. She looked at the attacker again. He was on his knees, his hands not just behind his head, but actively covering it as if hoping it would offer him some protection, but obviously not expecting it to. It thrilled her to see him that way.

She looked back at Jean who looked so sad and horrified.

Slowly, she came back to herself and the tension left her arms. The red fog at the edges of her vision retreated and her heart rate slowed. She allowed the sheaths on her fingers to slip back over the talons, but left her blades extended.

As she returned from her wild, berserker self, the reality of her actions came flooding in. “What have I become? Have I become the animal that Victor nearly made me into?” she asked herself.

When Jean saw Logan’s face lose its feral look and her eyes regain their humanity, she released her hold. “Lolo…”

Logan just turned and walked back up the hill to the mansion. She saw Scott walking towards them and, for a moment, wanted to rush to him and have him hold her in his arms, against his still bare chest. To tell her that he loved her and make her feel like a woman, not an animal. But she knew she couldn’t, knew in her heart she didn’t deserve to be treated as anything other than a savage, feral beast.

She didn’t hear him as he called out to her, she just began to run.

Logan knew in her heart with a sudden, crystal clarity, that the cruelty she had shown on the battlefield while in her berserker rage, was nothing compared to the cruelty she had shown in her affair with Scott. “A cruelty compounded with lies and deception. Was this always who I was, or have I allowed Sabretooth to change me after all?”

She needed to get away and felt that maybe those she loved needed her to be away from them even more.

A half-hour later, Jean found her sitting in the garden on a stone bench, just staring at one of her bloody claws, her cowl hanging off behind her.

Jean said, ”You know, I think we need to consider the possibility that you are suffering from PTSD.”

Logan didn’t move. “I don’t think I can get that.”

“Lolo, PTSD is not about how tough you are or how quickly you heal…”

Logan interrupted, but in a monotone voice said, “I know what it is. I don’t think you realize who I really am though.”

Jean said, “Lolo, I could feel the berserker rage through our link. It’s so strong… and with everything that you’ve been through, it’s understandable.”

“Control, I have to be there for her,” thought Jean as she sat on the same bench.

“I’m guessing our link is how you found me?”

Jean nodded. “It’s been pretty quiet lately, but the battle… it just came alive again.”

Logan held up her claw slightly higher. The blood on it was nearly dried, but it still moved slightly towards her hand. “Do you realize what a brutal and savage weapon this is? I don't just stun people or hold them down. I slice into their bodies.” She paused and turned her claw a couple of times. “If they live, they are permanently changed... or scarred for the most part. I've killed countless times, even times I can no longer remember. Most of them deserved it but definitely not all. And I live with that. I came to terms with that.”

She paused again but didn’t move other than her breathing and a slight breeze that lifted her hair, at least where it wasn’t caught in droplets of dried blood... “I don’t know what kind of person that makes me. I think part of the reason I was alone so much of my life was because that way there was no one to make me think about what kind of person I was.” She looked at Jean. “Or make me want to be a better person.” A single tear slipped from Logan’s right eye and made its way down her blood-stained cheek.

Jean’s heart ached for Logan, but she could see that she needed to get this out and it wasn’t some tearful, moody confession; it was a reckoning with her soul. So she held back and held back her tears. “Control. I need to be here for her,” she told herself.

After a few moments, Logan retracted her claws, the blood on them dripping onto the grass below. She still stared at the back of her hand as if the claw was still there. “Sabretooth used to track me down regularly and most times beat me until I was nearly dead. Over and over, for decades… This time he raped me and nearly turned me into an animal. Did you know he used to tell me that he was my brother?”

Jean nodded. “Control. Even if my heart is breaking…”

“How fucked up was that?” Logan continued. “His plans for me were horrible; what he did to me was horrible…” She shook her head and dropped her hand, looking up at the sky as a tear streaked down her other cheek. “I'm not sorry he's dead. His death should be easy for me to handle. I should be able to see that it doesn’t make me a bad person and yet…”

“What?”

“Oh God, Jean…” Logan sobbed once. “But I know I am a horrible person.”

“No, you're not. You were defending yourself and just now you were defending Scott. I could feel that. You just went too far. And maybe you’re not ready to deal with everything,” said Jean as she reached out to touch Logan.

But Logan recoiled slightly before Jean could move more than a few inches and her movement stopped. The mention of Scott just steeled her resolve.

“No, that wasn't... That wasn’t it. I haven't told you all the details of what happened in that room.”

“You told me he drugged you and forced you using the drug and Scott came in and blasted him, but Scott also got drugged.” When Logan just sat there slowly shaking her head, Jean decided to plow on with her narrative, to show Logan that it wasn’t her choice, wasn’t her fault, and she shouldn’t blame herself and, even more, to show her that she was here for her. “And you killed Sabretooth before he could kill Scott. I don’t know how you did it…”

“Hmmph,” said Logan, still in that monotone, emotionless voice. “It was like every anatomy class I ever took… well, I guess you ever took came to life and I could actually see his bones. It was as if his skeleton was glowing. I knew exactly where to strike. The same thing happened just now in that battle.”

Then Logan shook her head. “But there’s no excuse for what I did with Scott.”

“You told me how the drug and the pheromones overtook the two of you. And what you did… It's not your fault. I understand.”

Now, more tears flowed from Logan’s eyes, but there were no sobs. Sobbing, giving in to the pain might feel cleansing and she felt like nothing should ease the pain and the horror of what she had done and what she needed to do now. She shook her head more rapidly a few times.

“Jean, it’s true that I was completely under the influence of the drug and Sabretooth’s pheromones when he was raping me. It actually made me see him as my mate.” Logan shuddered in revulsion at the memory.

Jean tried again to reach out in comfort, but Logan shifted her shoulders slightly away, obviously still not wanting any contact.

“The only thing that brought me out of it was seeing my true mate. And when Sabretooth launched himself at my true mate, I killed him.”

“True mate?” asked Jean. “But…”

Logan nodded. “Afterwards, when the bloodlust faded and I felt the relief that my mate was safe, all I could think of was to be with him. The drug didn’t really allow a lot of analysis.”

Jean didn’t move a muscle. “Control. I need to be there for her. Even if my heart is being shattered.”

Logan continued with her brutal narrative. “But when the drug wore off and Scott and I were having sex, I… I didn’t stop. I knew what I was doing, what we were doing, and I let him continue. I wanted him to continue. I wanted to continue making love with my mate. Even without the drug’s effects, that’s how I thought of it. I really only stopped him because I started to grow angry… Yes, I was angry with him, but it wasn't about the sex we were having. Not really. I was angry because he hadn't chosen me. Back when I first transformed and you and I were identical copies… He chose you.”

Jean’s thoughts were awhirl now, any hope of even remembering her mantra lost. “I… I knew you were still attracted, but...”

Logan tapped the side of her head. “All the memories and all the feelings were in that avatar you sent into my mind. And they’re a part of me now… a part of my heart.”

Jean started to say something, but Logan put up her hand. “There’s more. I have to get this all out. After we got back, he came to me to tell me he knew about the memories. The Jean memories. I got angry all over again. But this time I told him that I was angry that he chose you over me. The man who, in my memories, made love to me, professed his love for me, the man I believed loved me, and who I remember giving my heart to had ignored my feelings and rejected me. We argued. It got pretty heated. Passionate. When he leaned in to make a point, I… I… I kissed him. We ended up having sex… angry and quick.” She paused and when Jean continued to sit there in stunned silence, she continued. ”But then we did it again that night and that time wasn't angry. And neither have the other times we've gotten together.”

There was a full minute of silence where neither of them moved except to breathe. Neither woman would have been able to describe their thoughts in that minute.

At the end of the minute, Logan finally said. “I've made such a mess of everything. I'm better off alone where I won't hurt people. Or maybe I just should have died in that control room and saved everyone a lot of pain.”

After a moment Jean got up, her body rigid. “I can't be around you right now.” At the door, she paused. Her hair was flowing as if blown by a strong wind and her eyes positively glowed with power. “Lolo?”

Logan looked up.

“You may have lied to me, deceived me… and hurt me in a way that I’ve never let anyone do to me before.” Jean had to pause as emotion choked off her voice. She raised her head, her eyes closed, but her hair still moving in the unseen wind. She shook her head to keep away the tears. When she opened her eyes again, they were still glowing.

“But Lolo? Do. Not. Forget. Your. Promise.”

Logan grunted, “Hmmph”, but nodded and put her head down as the tears continued.

Kitty came rushing out to join Logan a few moments later. She wrapped her arms around her and pulled Logan’s head into her chest.

“Kitty?”

“Jean sent me.” She began to rock Logan slowly.

“Oh, Kitty I’ve made such a mess.” Lolo sobbed into her shoulder.

“You always do, Sis. But we love you. We love you.”

>>X<<

“Haven’t you ever done something you regretted?” asked Scott.

Jean was standing about six feet from him with her back turned, clearly fuming and hurt. They were in her room, where he had found her after she went through the mansion slamming doors telekinetically. She refused to look at him when he entered and called her name. Her arms were crossed hard over her breasts as if the discomfort could distract her. Her hair fluttered even though all the doors and windows in her room were closed.

Despite her anger and her determination to shut Scott out, his words caused her to think back to the dreamwalk and how she had accidentally had sex with Logan, as well as sex as Logan. She also thought about how that fateful night had contributed to all of this.

“Or, I don’t know,” Scott continued, raising his hands as he tried to find the right thing to say, to get her to respond. “Maybe done something for one person and realized that it might make someone else uncomfortable or hurt them?”

“After that night… with the dreamwalk,” she thought, “when I went to see Lolo and she told me she thought the person she used to be died in that control room... I can still see the forlorn look on her face, hear the catch in her voice as she tried not to break down.” Then she thought of Logan, “My Lolo,” facing death from her healing factor, and how hurt she was when Jean said she would choose Scott if Lolo went back to being a man. “Am I any less to blame? Have I been any less cruel?”

Scott was still trying to find some way to reach out to Jean, find something that would get her to talk, and maybe understand. “Even when I found out about you two… being together, I didn’t get angry.” When Jean didn’t respond, he tried a new tactic. “But should it really be such a surprise that I would feel strongly about her? She has all your memories.”

Jean still didn’t respond. She was trying to use her mantra to gain control of herself, but Scott just wouldn’t shut up. “Jean, aren’t you also in love with Lolo? You've told me you love both of us.”

“You call her Lolo?” Jean’s voice was quiet but angry, each word curt and cut off. The drapes seemed to register a slight breeze.

“She asked me to,” he said simply.

Jean raised her head to stare at the ceiling where it met the wall, but she wasn’t really looking at it. Her voice was still quiet, but most of the emotion was drained from it as she continued. “It’s the lies and the deception that hurt. I could handle the two of you being together... I think. But you hid it, so you knew it was wrong.”

Scott nodded several times, uncertain how to continue, but at least she was talking. “At first it was the drug and the situation, but she and I never really dealt with the fact that she had your memories. A fact you both kept from me.”

“Don’t you try to turn this around Scott Summers!”

“I'm not, it's just a fact. When Lolo and I were finally honest about it, after you had told me about the memories, we had a lot of healing to do. We should have come to you as soon as we knew there was something between us. But we weren’t really thinking rationally. I mean look what Lolo went through.”

Jean was quiet, thinking, “Control.”

She shook her head as if trying to get the hair out of her eyes - hair that was fluttering out from her head all on its own. “So last night when you told me you had too much on your mind, it was really that you’d been fucking Logan, wasn’t it?”

Scott put his hand on the back of his head, knowing he had to be honest, but now very worried that this would go badly. “Partly, I mean yes we had sex…”

“Oh for god’s sake, just say it! You’re a grown man, not some boy scout. You fucked! Behind my back, so trying to use polite words doesn’t make it any better!”

Scott was quiet. He started trying to say something but stopped. Finally he decided to hope for mercy. “Jean, God help me, I love you both. I don’t know how to fix this, please help me?”

“I loved you too. Both of you. And you both ripped my heart out. How am I ever supposed to trust you again?”

Slowly, a tight, grim smile formed on Scott’s face. “Jean, you probably more than anyone on the planet, except maybe The Professor, are in a position to know exactly how to trust me, how to know what I feel.”

Jean turned and looked at him in surprise.

“Please Jean,” he said, his arms out imploring her to give him this chance. “I open my mind to you as I always have. You already know you have my heart. Search me and see. We were selfish and wrong, but that doesn’t change how much you mean to me. See for yourself.”

She looked at him standing there, imploring her, his arms out and to the sides. She wanted to do it, but she was afraid of what she might find. She knew that Scott believed his memories would make everything alright, but she knew that people don’t always face reality and tend to suppress that which would cause them discomfort. But there was another feeling, one she couldn’t suppress herself.

She felt hope.

Hope that she could once again trust him and Logan. “Can I share them, can my heart take it after all the lying and the deception? Maybe Scott is right; if I just knew how it all happened and know his heart…”

It would not be easy and it might destroy her emotionally if Scott was wrong, but she knew there was never any question that she would go through with this.

“Control,” she thought. “Everything is riding on my control.”

“Scott,” she said. “If I do this, it’s not going to be a simple surface reading. It’s not even going to be like when I helped you relive the memory of what happened in the room with Sabretooth and Lolo. This will be invasive and complete. I will see things you might not remember, feelings you might not realize you had.”

“Jean, if it’s the only chance I have, I’m more than willing. If I don’t measure up, if I’m not who you think I am, then what’s the point anyways?”

“Very well, but remember… This was your idea.”

Scott was lifted from where he was, but as soon as he was an inch off the ground, he was unconscious, his mental shield having already been let down. Jean carefully levitated his body onto the bed and laid down next to him.

“Control. Control. Control. This may be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done.”

She searched through his memories, going back… She tried to find a thread to start. She started with associations with Logan. Thousands of images and impressions hit her at once. Anger, frustration, insult, and many more, mostly from when Logan first joined the team and before her transformation. “Maybe try thinking of Lolo?” she thought.

And there she was, between her legs… well, between Scott’s legs. She could feel Logan’s breasts against his thighs. She could feel everything. Logan was chuckling lightly as she took his cock deep into her throat and slowly drew her lips along it as she sucked and pulled back. When she spoke her voice was husky. “When it’s just us, do you think you could call me Lolo?” She swirled her tongue thickly around his glans and then took him deep into her mouth again while staring directly up at him.

“Oh god, yes Lo-LO!” he cried out. Jean felt as if the cry was pulled from her as well. This was like nothing she had ever felt. No memory had ever felt so alive.

His hands had grabbed her head, but he went to pull away and she grabbed his hand and placed it back on her head, maintaining eye contact the entire time. She began enthusiastically bobbing her head. The feeling of his cock sliding in and out of her mouth and her lips wetly slurping at him as he held her head in place had his own head swimming. Each time she reached the base of his cock, she would clamp down on it with her lips and slowly pull back, maintaining suction. Then, at the top, she would either lick it as if it were her favorite ice cream or run her tongue all around the glans before sliding back down. The entire time, her green, heavily-lidded eyes tried to stare directly at him, losing contact only as she neared the base.

Jean thought she had seen Logan avid during sex, but this was beyond anything she had ever witnessed. It was also incredibly erotic and intense. She knew these few seconds were life-altering.

A few minutes later, Jean watched as Logan grabbed the cock that was attached to Jean in this memory and watched the ecstasy on Logan’s face as she slid it along her labia before slipping it in and sliding her hips forward. This perspective was at least familiar to Jean, but she realized that her virtual cock did not compare to a real one, and seeing Lolo through Scott’s eyes was more intense and arousing than she would have ever guessed.

Soon, Logan reached for his hands and placed them on her hips. Then she held his wrists as she moved her hips back and forth, milking his cock. Jean, as Scott had at the time, quickly got the idea.

Logan nodded enthusiastically as he began to exert his own pressure on her hips, signaling the pace he wanted. Logan threw her head back and presented her breasts to his mouth. The nipples looked so erect they fairly throbbed.

As he took her left nipple into his mouth and pulled her hips against him, she cried out and thrust her hips in a small circle against the base of his cock over and over. The top of each circle pressed her clitoris into the base of his cock. The velvety slickness of Logan’s vagina as the walls gripped his cock had him nearly cumming. Jean, through Scott’s eyes, watched in fascination as Logan had a powerful orgasm.

Outside the memory, there on the bed next to Scott in her room, Jean came herself.

Soon, Scott, in the memory, was furiously pulling at Logan’s hips and clutching her ass. He switched his mouth to the other breast, but he was having trouble maintaining suction as his moans and grunts were becoming more and more vocal.

“God Lolo, I’m close… Are you?” Jean wasn’t sure if she was saying it herself, or if it was from Scott’s memory. She was already back at the precipice, ready to cum again.

“Yes my love, cum in me.” cried Logan.

He reacted by moaning even louder, but then he pulled her hard against him and ground their pelvises together. He nipped her firmly on her right nipple and Jean once again came as she felt Scott’s cock jump and twitch as the rush of cum flowed out within Logan.

As they thrust a few more times, Scott kissed her. When Scott’s cock finally deflated enough that it slipped out, followed by a surprising amount of fluid, both of them broke off the kiss to smile and laugh lightly.

Then the scene switched. Jean thought her head would explode at the sight she found in Scott’s next memory.

Logan looked up at Scott as she let a glob of cum land on her lower lip. She very messily slid a cum-covered tongue out to lap at his cock and then used his cock to scoop some of it off her lip and into her mouth. Another small spurt landed on her cheek. She smiled as she looked up at him and used her fingers to scoop the cum from her cheek into her mouth, showing her tongue covered in cum to him.

Jean had never seen a sight so arousing. “I can’t remember Lolo looking at me like that.” In the memory, it was also having an extremely powerful effect on Scott. The air was thick with pheromones, but even without them, Scott would have been incredibly turned on by the sight of his cock and his cum in Logan’s mouth.

But the feeling combined with the visual… Logan softly slid her lips over the head of his cock and let her lips pull loosely over the head. Scott let out a sound somewhere between a hiss and a sigh at the sensation and the vision.

Logan smiled up at him and made a big show of licking her lips and swallowing as she lightly stroked his deflating cock.

“God that’s sexy,” he said. “I can’t get enough of you.” Jean felt she couldn’t have said it better.

“That’s good,” Logan said. “Because I need you inside me again, dickhead. Soon. And maybe later you could take me in a way we haven’t tried yet? If you’d want to take my ass, that is?” Immediately, his cock stopped deflating. She began using her tongue to lick all over his cock, below the glans, and stroked his cock with her hand.

Scott found he had lost the power of speech, but nodded several times, uncertain if he was responding to her question or just expressing his enthusiasm for everything she was doing. She looked directly at him as she made a big show of sliding her other hand down over her breast and down her stomach until she reached her pussy. She began to make little moaning sighs as she stroked her fingers over her vulva, circling her labia. She began to take him into her mouth but kept it wet and soft so as not to overstimulate. Her lips made smacking and popping noises as she moaned sounds of need. Her fingers began to dance over her labia, obviously stroking now.

Scott was transfixed and almost needed to remind himself to breathe. Jean wasn’t sure if she was still capable of breathing. “Oh Lolo, yes.”

“Mmmm, that’s it baby,” she said, feeling his erection start to return after only about a minute. “Say it for me? Please?”

It only took Scott a second to realize what she meant. “Mine,” he said, placing his hands on her head. When she responded by taking his entire, semi-erect cock into her mouth and slowly pulling her lips back along its length, he said it louder. “Mine!”

Jean was caught up in Scott’s euphoria and feeling of dominance over this woman he loved and desired and she knew it was exactly how she had felt when she and Logan had last made love. After she’d rescued her from Storm’s attack. But it seemed more erotic this time.

Logan took her hand away from his cock and used it to pull on one of his hands, indicating she wanted him to guide the pace of her bobbing head. Her other hand had her fingers slipping in and out of her labia, stroking all around them and dancing over her clitoral hood. When Scott began to guide her head up and down on him, she started moaning constantly. She could no longer maintain eye contact as her eyes kept fluttering closed.

Soon he was fully erect again.

Logan slipped him wetly from her mouth, a thin trail of fluid connecting his cock to her lips for just a moment. “Please,” she said as she leaned back on the bed, her legs open in invitation.

Jean would cum two more times as she relived this memory of Scott making love to Logan, even though it had been interrupted by the attack on the school when it actually happened. She also relived their angry first time after he had found out about the memories. She participated in all the talks about how they needed to stop and tell her, Jean, what they’d done. She felt Scott’s guilt and anguish. But she also relived his fear of the consequences and his desire for Lolo. A desire that she shared even more viscerally now.

Only the original dreamwalk and experiencing Scott’s memory of fucking Logan while under the influence of the drug came close to being such a visceral experience. It was as if she had just made love to Lolo with her own cock. “Seeing Lolo orgasm from that perspective, seeing her beg and plead to be fucked was everything I want from Lolo when we make love. Something I will never be able to stop longing for now.”

But like the last time she had made love to Logan, she knew sex between her and Lolo was never going to be exactly like it was when Logan was with Scott. Jean thought “I could actually see Lolo’s love for Scott, the very same love I have for him… for both of them.”

“It’s true,” she thought. “Everything Lolo said. Everything Scott said. It was all true, the good and the bad. I see how they were drawn together, I see how they wanted to stop and to tell me. And they did tell me. But I also see Scott’s fear and how he wanted to avoid telling me. I see how selfish they both were.”

She got up from the bed. Just as she had when she had relived Scott’s memory of sex with Logan while under the drug’s influence, she had actually orgasmed when Scott had in his memory. Not to mention a couple of times on her own. Her nipples were feeling extremely sensitive, and her soaked panties were uncomfortably squishy as her vagina was still pulsing with aftershocks and pushing more fluids out. Her arousal wasn’t ratcheting down either.

“So, the real question for me,” she thought. “The only question for me is... do I forgive them?”

Jean quietly brought Scott out of his trance. She was lying beside him on the bed, on her side, her hair falling across her neck and chest. He could see that she was flushed, but couldn’t read her mood. Just that she seemed very subdued. He wondered what she had seen. What she had found.

“Scott,” she said quietly. “I gave you my heart and I don’t think I can just take it back. But you hurt me badly. You didn’t trust me and you didn’t think of how I might feel. Not really. And I don’t think I can survive that kind of hurt again.” she had to pause as emotion was beginning to cause her voice to catch.

“Jean, I…”

Jean put a finger to his lips. “Which is what would happen if I had to push you and Lolo out of my life. I need you. I need both of you, but it has to be open and honest. I’ve had my heart broken now. I can’t let it happen again. Promise me you’ll care for my heart this time?”

Scott’s own heart felt like it was ready to leap out of his chest. He felt so much joy and hope, he wanted to cry out. But he held back, he knew nothing was really ever going to be the same and there was much more expected of him that he had ever given before. The realization sobered him quickly. “Jean, I’m so sorry for hurting you, I’ll do anything. I know I’m not perfect, but I want to be the man you want; the man you need. I will do anything to make it up to you.”

She smiled. “Then kiss me.”

Scott leaned over and kissed her tenderly. Jean closed her eyes and tried, for a moment, to feel like everything was going to be ok. She longed for them to truly reunite, and for a return to normalcy. It was hard not to force herself to relax and, instead, to just let it happen.

But eventually, the tension left her and she could focus on Scott’s lips on hers, his hands slipping over her body. It all felt so familiar, so reassuring. But there was still something she needed. In the intense memories she had just relived in Scott’s mind, she had been the one with a cock, she had been the one driving Lolo to heights of ecstasy. It was what she so desperately wanted for herself with Lolo. “Why am I not jealous? I wish I could have that with her, but…” It was as if by cumming so many times in the memory, she was sated for a little while. However, she was still extremely turned on as well.

“I need to experience what Lolo did. I need to reestablish the bond I had with Scott.” She needed him inside her, making love to her. She pressed her breasts into his chest and found her nipples only a little sensitive. She reached for Scott’s cock and found it straining to push its way out of his pants. She began to stroke it through his pants as he moaned into her mouth and drove his tongue harder against hers.

Scott helped her remove her top and she unbuckled his belt and began unfastening his pants as she unclasped her bra. As soon as she had shrugged it off, his hands were on her breasts, stroking them. Her nipples throbbed slightly at the contact, already erect and only protesting slightly.

Jean put her hand into Scott’s pants and dug for his hard cock where it lifted his underwear. She encircled it and smiled. “My love, is your mind still open to me?”

His head moved back slightly. “Of course.”

Jean made the connection as she began stroking his erection. She could feel the echo of her hand moving on him. He groaned and began to kiss her breasts, moving toward her nipples. She used her telekinesis to remove his pants and boots and, after a moment of surprise, he began pulling Jean’s pants and panties off, as she had already dropped her heels off.

As she smiled up at him, Scott said, ”I love you.”

She could literally feel his love for her, as well as his arousal. But when he bent down to kiss her belly and began moving his head toward her pussy, giving her several more kisses on the way, she stopped him. “No baby, I want us looking at each other and I need you inside me.”

“I just want…”

She pulled him to her and kissed him as she reached down and guided him into her. The feeling of his cock pushing into her vagina while simultaneously feeling, through their link, the velvety slick clasping at his cock caused her to break off the kiss and put her head back as she moaned loudly.

Scott began to make love to her slowly and gently, his mouth moving every few minutes from one breast to the other.

“It’s ok baby, I won’t break,” she said. She pulled him into her with her calves as her legs wrapped around his ass.

She shared in the thrill he felt at her words, but as he began to thrust more aggressively into her and nip lightly at her breasts and neck, she was caught up in her own sensations. It wasn’t until she started bucking her hips against him as he thrust in that his pleasure and his sensations of her vagina walls milking his cock broke through her desperate, clutching lovemaking. She wanted so badly to have it be like so many other times that they had made love, but it wasn’t.

As much as Jean was thrilled to be with him again and for him to be fucking her just as hard as he did Lolo, she couldn’t help finding herself fixating on the sensations of Scott’s cock slipping into her pussy, the feel of the walls slurping at his cock as he pulled out, the feeling of driving hard into her vulva at the end of each stroke. On her own, she might have been too preoccupied to cum, but tapping into Scott’s experience, even if it was her own body he was fucking, started to push her over the edge.

Scott grunted out “Jean, I’m going to… cum. Are you?”

“You have no idea,” she thought, but said, “Yes, baby. Cum in meeee!” The last word was drawn out as she was hit by the force of his impending orgasm and slipped into a squirming, convulsing orgasm that seemed to go on and on.

When she was finally coherent again, Scott was smiling down at her and his cock was already deflating.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, Jean’s head on his chest. As she fell asleep, Jean wondered, “Was it a mistake to just jump into bed together? I do think we both needed to reconnect. I hope Scott will understand if we take things slow…” She fell asleep confident that they could work anything out together. She knew his heart in a way she never had before.

It was after midnight when Jean awoke as if from a nightmare, sitting up in bed. Scott made a noise indicating he was now at least partially awake as a result.

Jean leaned up over him and gave him a quick kiss and then got up and started dressing.

“Where are you going?” asked Scott sleepily.

“Ever since Lolo’s transformation, we have a kind of permanent link. It comes and goes in intensity, but suddenly there’s nothing.”

“Maybe she’s asleep?”

“No, that’s not it. I have a really bad feeling. I need to go and find Lolo, let her know that we can work it out before she does something stupid.”

>>X<<

Logan had allowed herself to be guided to her room. Over and over she pictured Jean, eyes aglow, saying “You hurt me,” or saw the gunman she savagely cut down and decapitated. The conflicting emotions from the thrill she had felt at her berserker actions and the horror in the aftermath for what she had done, including what had happened with Jean, left her adrift, anchorless, and desolate.

“I don’t deserve love.” That thought seemed to repeat on an endless loop.

Kitty and Rogue helped her get into the shower, but she just stood there with both hands flat on the shower wall as the warm water rained down on her back and the blood swirled down the drain. After 20 minutes Kitty came in and shut off the water and got the unresisting Logan into a T-Shirt and climbed into bed with her, spooning up against her back and trying not to let Logan know that she was crying.

Eventually, Kitty fell asleep, but Logan never did. She just stared at the wall as the horrors she had experienced and the horrors she had created in the past few days played in her mind’s eye over and over. Not just with Jean in the garden, or the battle. She also thought of Scott and how she had manipulated him into the affair just because she was hurting and of Don and how she had sent him away broken-hearted.

“I don’t deserve love.” continued to echo in her head, making sleep impossible.

Around midnight, she got up and dressed, careful not to wake Kitty, and went for a walk.

“Logan, I heard of your battles and was concerned for you. I also heard you were indisposed at our briefing. How are you? ” asked Hank.

“Not good, my friend. I’m not any good at being a woman.”

“I’m not sure that requires skill, more a fact of biology or one’s perspective on the world,” replied Hank.

“Trust me, it’s not just biology or perspective. Maybe it’s just that I’m no good with people or that I shouldn’t be around them.”

“Logan, I’m not certain I know what is going on with you, but I can assure you that we all want you around.”

“Sometimes what we want isn’t what we should have,” said Logan, fully appreciating the irony of that statement. “I wish you’d been able to turn me back into my old self, my male template. At least it’d be simpler.”

“Yes, well, I had missed a few variables. In my defense, it isn’t as if I could have known how fluid levels and mass would affect your mutant healing factor’s actions. I mean, it’s not like there was a precedent. And now that it is clear how to get around the issue, there’s no need for the procedure. It’s a shame it’s such a unique circumstance as there are probably countless applications of the basic principles…”

“Hank, hold on. Are you saying you know how to turn me back into a man?”

“Why yes, of course. Did you want that?”

Logan paused for a moment. Her thoughts and emotions were a whirling cacophony, but one thought kept coming through, “I don’t deserve love.” She knew that she needed to go back to when her pain was her own and she didn’t inflict it on those she loved.

“Yes Hank,” she said. “I really do. I think t would be best for everyone.”

 

THE BATTLE AGAINST MAGNETO’S MERCENARIES MAY HAVE LED TO MORE DEVASTATION THAN THE X-MEN COULD HAVE ANTICIPATED, ESPECIALLY FOR LOGAN, JEAN, AND SCOTT. HAS MAGENTO’S SCHEMING ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED IN TEARING THE X-MEN APART AND WILL HIS PLANS FOR HUMANITY LEAD TO THE EXTINCTION OR SUBJUGATION OF THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE? WILL LOGAN RISK EVERYTHING TO “PAY” FOR HER SELFISH ACTIONS? AND WILL IT EVEN MAKE A DIFFERENCE? FIND OUT IN THE STUNNING NEXT ISSUE OF THE FERAL SAGA - RESTORATION!

Another conversation with my nephew:
“My Mom is a really good cook.”
“What’s your favorite thing she makes?”
“I like when she heats up the grilled cheese I got at the restaurant in the microwave.”
 
     I hope you all think I’m at least going one step further in my cheesy efforts!

End Note:

Kudos are always welcome, but I really do want to know what you think of the story, so please comment. It doesn't have to be positive but if you have a correction, a PM would be more appropriate than a comment, so we don't bore everyone else with trivialities. If you are upset that this story contained violence, graphic sex, non-consensual actions, or mind control even after all my warnings and flags then I can't help you. If you want to demonstrate your superior knowledge of all things X-Men, please save it and just make lots of smug faces as you read my egregious errors. I'm here to have some fun and I hope I have provided you with some as well. ‘Nuff said. Until next time - Excelsior!