What! Me on the tele.

Now, where was I? Ah! The beautiful and lusty Juliette.

In the morning I was rewarded for my efforts with a kiss and a warm cuddle. As it was Saturday neither of us had to work so I asked her what she would like to do for the day. She wanted to go home and for me to pick her up and go somewhere nice for lunch. I suggested that I may try to get a couple of tickets for one of the London shows and she said that it could be nice. After we had showered, dressed and breakfasted, she left in her car. I tidied up in the garden and wiped out my shower and then made a couple of calls. I booked a table for two at a pub in Whitstable and managed to get two tickets for a show in London.

I did a bit of paperwork and then drove to the address she had given me. It was on a council estate and I made sure I kept an eye on my car as I rang the front door bell. When she answered she came straight out and we got into my car to go for lunch. The pub specialised in seafood and we both had local oysters (she said that I really didn’t need them – nice of her!) and then the fish of the day. In the afternoon we drove into London, parked the car near the theatre, picked up our tickets and went for a walk in the shops. I was attentive and got involved in a discussion on modern styles. She said she was a bit old fashioned and when we found a store that sold vintage clothing she was very happy. The only glitch came when she was looking at a dress that was marked ‘mid thirties’ and Marian pointed out that this design had gone out of fashion in the late twenties. I, stupidly, passed the snippet of information on and got a very odd look indeed.

We had a dinner at a very expensive restaurant with a very cheap menu, good for the profit margin but sure to deter return business. I suppose that they lived off of the tourist market and knew that the customers would not be back. The show was good and I know that Marian enjoyed it. When we came out, Juliette said she would like to be dropped off at home and, as we approached her house she apologised to me but said that being out with me is like being out with a girl-friend and that she would very much like to be friends but we would not have a repeat of last night, no matter how good it was. I told her that I understood and she gave me a kiss on the cheek as we parted at her front door. Driving home I wondered just how much I had changed as my wife had always told me I was too macho for her when we shopped.

Marian had been very quiet through the whole day, except for the one lapse, and then took this moment of introspection to tell me that I was now a much nicer person and didn’t need to consort with an adulterer, showing me the inside of Juliettes’ bedroom with the pictures of her soldier husband and a letter from him in the middle east. I was suddenly glad she had dropped me as he was a very big guy and the picture showed him carrying a very big gun.

On Sunday, at Marians’ urging, I went to church. She said that she had been very religious when she was a girl and was interested at how the church had changed. The one closest to me was a ‘progressive’ church with a band and much waving of arms and Marian told me we were never coming back to that one! I drove into Margate and parked near the beach and went for a walk. There were some swimmers and Marian was affronted by the brief costumes they wore. She certainly couldn’t get her head around wearing something smaller than your underwear in public. I did tell her that there are many places where the girls go topless and that there were even some nudist beaches. She thought that the world had gone mad. I reminded her that the war she missed was a redefining period for morals and habits and led to a new way of life, especially for women.

We found a little tea room and went in, sitting down after ordering a pot of tea and a cake. I nearly asked for two cups but was lucky I caught myself. Sitting there and drinking my tea I wondered about my life with my constant companion. She whispered “Don’t you want me here?,” to which I replied that it was interesting and she was making me think about things I just brushed over, but I thought that I may drop my guard and end up in a lunatic asylum one day. We came to an agreement that she remain quiet unless there is a serious reason for her to make herself known, or I specifically ask her something. I told her that doing things that were not part of my normal behaviour could be considered erratic should I be looked at closely.

What I couldn’t avoid, however, was my new, and feminine, approach to the world and it seemed natural to thank the girl in the tea room for the cake and ask her if she baked it herself as it tasted home-made. She told me that I was the first to discover her secret and we had a laugh. As I walked along the promenade I found myself taking a more relaxed route than I used to, stopping to watch children playing and generally admiring the view. I went home and got some tea and watched a bit of television in the evening. I had a game show on and suddenly I felt that Marion wanted to say something. I thought a question mark and she said that, on the show we were watching, the host asked questions from a card in the same way the trivia host did. If I was on that show I could make some serious money. She said that the shows where the questions were flashed on the screen would be a bit more difficult but there had to be a person controlling that who also had the answers written down in front of them, she would just have to find them. I was taken aback and wondered if it could be construed as theft and realised that no-one would know of my secret weapon. I wrote a letter to the game show that night and posted it Monday morning.

For the next few weeks I did my job, visiting developers, inspecting structures and generally being normal. I was not needed for the trivia team but went along anyway and sat with Juliette and her friends. We acted friendly and I was able to chat with them between rounds. One of her friends, Yvonne, quietly said to me to stay away from Juliette as her husband was due home and I told her that there was nothing between us, to which she replied that maybe I could take her out this Saturday. I asked her what her interests were and she told me she loved gardening so we arranged for me to pick her up and take her to Sissinghurst.

On Saturday I did just that and we had a great day looking around this magnificent garden and the buildings. When we finished, I took her into Brighton and we had a late lunch before walking the old shopping area and finally ended up with a tour of the Pavillion. After a nice dinner in a restaurant I took her home and she took me to bed. I did not stay the night but we did agree to meet again. On Monday I had a letter from the television company to say that I had been picked for an audition and it gave me a time and place to report on the Thursday.

When I settled in my armchair that evening I started to read a book instead of putting the television on and suddenly felt a need to talk to Marian. She asked me what I wanted and I asked her if it would be possible to actually speak to her as a person, rather than just a voice. As I looked, she materialised, sitting in the other easy chair, opposite me. “Is this what you wanted?” she asked, her lips moving in sync with the voice in my head. I answered that it was nice to be able to chat to the person, no matter that I could see the pattern of the chair cover through her. I pointed out that she was not wearing the period dress that I had first seen her in and she replied that she had been working on her powers while I was concentrating on other things and one of them seemed to be the ability to materialise wearing whatever she liked. She was in a very modern dress with a hairdo to match and looked beautiful. I told her she was very good looking and she thanked me, saying that this would be how she would look if she lived today. She could change her hair and dress but could not change her fundamental self, so I was unlikely to see her as a lizard or a cat at any stage.

I was thankful for that and then asked her what she thought of Yvonne. She said that Yvonne was a very nice girl who was getting over an abusive marriage and that it had taken her a lot of courage to go out with me. She said that she, also, had enjoyed our day out and it went a long way towards Yvonne inviting me into her bed. She commented that, in modern parlance, Yvonne was ‘a keeper’. We went on to talk about the upcoming audition and she told me not to worry as all I needed to do was to make my reflexes look normal and I would do well.

On the Thursday I went to the address given and had an interview with them. I was of the right age and background for their show and passed the general knowledge test easily thanks to being able to read the answers. I found that I no longer felt any disconnect and realised that Marian was getting very adept at this game. They wanted me to be available the following Wednesday for a taping and to bring a couple of changes of clothes, just in case I went onto further episodes.

Thursday evening I met up with Yvonne and the girls and was invited to join their team as Juliette was busy at home with her husband. We did well enough to win the prize that night, yet another barbeque pack which we had at my house on the Friday evening, the other girls bringing their husbands and one bringing Greg. Yvonne stayed overnight and we took things slow and easy. In the morning she inspected my wardrobe and declared that my old, drab, clothes were no longer needed and that we should go shopping. I said that I thought that we should go west and visit the Eden Project instead and maybe stay overnight in Salisbury. This was agreed to and so we had breakfast and I put a small bag in the car. We went to her place and she changed and packed a small bag for herself and we were off, heading west. We stopped for lunch at a country pub before spending the afternoon at the Eden Project and then went to Salisbury for dinner at the hotel I had booked us into.

In the morning Yvonne declared that she would like to go to the cathedral for the Sunday service and we did so, me getting a tick of approval from Marian as we walked out.

Oh!, the movie has finished, talk to you later.

Marianne G 2020