An explanation and exploration

At last I am able to write again, it has been a frantic couple of days. Her movie is just beginning so I have a bit of time to tell you more. Now, where was I? Ah, the pub…..

After hearing the words I staggered and had to sit on the bench beside the front door. “Who are you, what are you and how can you be in my head?” I gasped. The voice told me to calm down and all would be explained. “Firstly” it said “my name is Marian Jacobs and one of the reasons I could join you is the obvious compassion you showed when you saw me. Secondly, I was born in 1922 in Tenterden and worked in this very public house as a barmaid from the age of fourteen. When I was sixteen, the landlord raped me in the main bedroom one afternoon, when his wife was out buying food.”

“When I told him, some three months later, that I was pregnant he poisoned me with rat poison and stuffed my body into a barrel that he put in a shed in the vegetable garden. For some reason my spirit was not able to leave the vicinity of my body and I watched as, six months later, he got some men to dig out a hollow and built some kind of shelter. He, and his wife, used to rush into the shelter when some sirens sounded. It was here where they were one night when a huge explosion happened. I saw their spirits leaving and gave him a happy wave as they left, her going up and he sinking into the earth. The explosion completely destroyed my barrel so I was homeless until, years later, someone built the extra bits of the pub and I was forced inside as it had been built over my last resting place.”

I could feel the sadness at her lost life as I was told this and asked what happened now. “Well” she said “we coexist. Wherever you go, so do I, I think it will be fun to see the world again. I think that I will be able to taste whatever you eat and also feel everything you touch and hear everything you hear. In fact, I think we may even find joy as I renew my life.” There was silence as I processed this in my own mind (or was that ‘our mind’.) “Oh” she continued “when you saw me and didn’t run away screaming I knew that I could finally escape my eternal bonds. I made you go back to sleep and, while you slept, I merged with you, being able to take my time and do it properly while you slept.”

I said that it was worse than being married as I could not go into another room for any peace and quiet. “Don’t you be such a grump” she said “you can just think of me as intelligent tinnitus.”

I sat for a while and she was quiet. I could then go to my car. When I pressed the button for the doors she gave a little squeal and I told her it was just the doors unlocking. She told me that the last time she had seen a car was 1938 and they were very different then. I told her that she would find a lot of things different now and then she said “You do not have to speak to me out loud, if you did that all the time people will think you are crazy. I can hear your thoughts so you can address me in your thoughts as I address you.”

I started the car and drove very carefully to Ashford as she kept on telling me to slow down. If she started with ‘watch out for the cyclist’ I think I would take my chances and drive into a tree. When we reached the agents and parked she told me that the pub would never have any strange sounds in the future and just to tell them that I had fixed a loose water pipe. This I did and we agreed of my payment. When I walked out of the shop she told me that I must be hungry and we went to a café where I had a full English breakfast, much to her appreciation. She was surprised at the taste of coffee as it was not a common drink in her life.

We then walked the shopping area, I was going to say hand in hand but that was ridiculous, even though it felt like it. She was amazed at the fashions of my day and said she would love to try things on and I was forced to stand in wonder as an airliner passed over on the way to Gatwick. I could tell that this was going to be hard for me as almost everything I took for granted was new to her. The first time we had any problems was when I needed to go to the toilet and she was very wary of entering the mens’ loos. I told her that I looked, and sounded, like a man so nothing would be said. She did, however, implore me to use the cubicle and sit down, which I did just to keep the peace.

A bit further on I saw a mens’ clothing shop and went to walk past it as the window display was much too colourful for me, I needed to look professional in my business. Not for her, though! She got me to go inside and try on some of the brighter clothes and we made sure we looked at me in the mirror. Much to my horror, my grey pants and workshirt were in the shopping bag as we left and I was resplendent in skinny jeans and a red shirt. My customers were going to have a fit when they saw me in this outfit; I don’t know how they will react if they saw me in the other items I had bought.

A little further on I drew some looks as we looked in the window of a dress shop but I managed to convince her that we would look stupid in one and she needed to come to grips with not having her body any more. We did, however, have an interesting conversation about the fashions of her time and, during this and her desire to show me what she was talking about, we discovered that she could now project her memories onto my own. Not only could I remember growing up as a girl and the joys of colourful and elegant dresses but also the drudgery of being a barmaid and the horror of the rape. This was going to be complicated, especially if I mixed up the memories in conversation.

On the other hand, she could now read my own life story in a way that was not the ability of anyone else. It brought about a brief discussion about male masturbation and the command that I cease and desist! It did, however, give her an instant insight into the world she now inhabited and we had no problems with modern technology from there on. Back at the car I put my bags in the back and went home via Canterbury, because she had heard about the cathedral but had never seen it. We walked around and she wondered at the magnificent structure and I was able to point out some features of the architecture. At the shrine to Thomas Becket she was quiet for a while and then commented on how brave he was in death. When I threw up a question mark in my brain she replied that she could see the spirit world but it was denied me.

In the main body of the church we had another strange experience. We were looking at the stained glass window and she asked me what the inscription was on one high up. I replied that I could not read it and I suddenly had a feeling of disconnect, followed by the close up picture of the window in my mind, clear as a bell. I asked how this was possible and she said that, as a ghost, she could fly. I wondered on her being seen and she told me that no-one sees ghosts in broad daylight and, anyway, could make herself totally invisible at night as well. I had a sudden thought of my weekly poker sessions with some mates and she told me I was wicked but would see what she could do.

When we got back to the car she asked me if we could go to the pictures. She said that she had never been able to when she lived and had seen, from my memories, that it would be interesting. We drove to The Odeon and they were showing Notting Hill. She loved it, the whole experience with the sound and colour. Even the adverts were a joy to her. I just sat there and put up with it. Afterwards we had an early tea at a pasta restaurant and she was in heaven at the smells and tastes.

When we got to the farmhouse and went inside she gave off a sense of dismay. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I would find out in the morning. I asked her how it would work during the night and she told me that a ghost never sleeps and she would leave me as I slept to explore her new surroundings. If I woke up she would return immediately – Oh! Joy!

The movie is finishing again; I’ll get back to you all another time.

Marianne G 2020