by Anistasia Allread

Erika played with her French toast more than she ate it. She was still trying to figure out if she should admit to Tricia that she had yet again, screwed up her trust.

“So, I just got an interesting email.” Her father came in and piled some French toast on to his own plate.

“What’s that?” her mother asked.

“That photographer who did the last shoot.” Her father perked her up and had her attention. “Well, he has been hired to do another shoot and would like Erika to join in.”

“Joe?” Erika asked.

“That’s the one.”

“What is the product this time?”

“for a local spa? I don’t think I’ve heard of it.”

“Hmm. I’ll ask around. When is the shoot?”

“The twenty-ninth.”

“After Christmas, then. Okay. I’ll ask around and see if anyone has heard of the place.

“If we start getting more offers,” her father stated, “I’ll have to hire you a manager and possibly an agent.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Her mother joined. “We don’t know how or where this will be going.”

“I’m just saying.” Her father said. “I am not an expert in the field. I have no idea what the running rates for models are, or even how to structure their contracts. If this goes much further, we’ll have to hire someone.”

Erika’s mother looked at her phone. “I’ve got to go pick up my mother.” She sighed. “You want to come?” She asked Erika.

“Samantha is coming by. She’s taking me to church.”

“Please clean the kitchen before you go.” Her mother excused herself.

Erika pushed the French toast around her plate a bit more. She barely slept, she kept thinking about her make out session with Jake. Had she really been the aggressor? She knew that he had kissed her first, but she was straddling him and kissing him, not the other way around. Tricia would break up with her for sure if she found out. She’d have to keep it from her. She wanted to tell someone though.

“Penny for your thoughts?” her father tried to lock Erika’s gaze.

“Oh, just stuff at school.” Erika lied.

“You aren’t being bullied, again are you?” her father sounded concerned.

“No. Nothing like that.”

“You have fun at the party last night?”

“Yes. Grace was fun.”

“Okay, just checking in with you.” He smeared his last bite of French toast all through the syrup on his plate before putting it in his mouth. He got up and set his dish in the sink.

Erika didn’t know if she should call Jake and ask him to keep quiet or if that would only make it worse. She took her plate over to the sink, rinsed it before sticking it in the dishwasher. He’d probably hold it over her or tease her even more if he found out that she was nervous about people finding out about it.

She quickly cleaned up the breakfast mess and changed before Samantha showed up.

“So, how did the party go last night?” Samantha greeted as Erika got into the car.

It went great.” Erika flushed. “Met a new friend, Grace from Adams High.”

“Oh?” Samantha urged her to go on.

“Yeah, her dad is German and her mother is Hindi. The food was fantastic.”

“What did you do?”

“Drank too much champagne. Hung out.”

“Anyone else you know, there?”

“You know, it was the strangest thing.” Erika hoped she wasn’t as red as she felt. “Jake and his family are friends with Grace’s family so he was there too, and Grace’s boyfriend Miguel.”

“Jake from Language Arts?”

“Yes.”

“Was he a prick all night?”

“You know, he was actually pretty cool.” Erika looked blankly out the window, primarily so that Samantha wouldn’t see her face.

“Jake? Cool? I find that hard to believe.”

“Maybe he’s different when he isn’t at school.” Erika offered still not looking at Samantha.

Samantha was quiet for a long moment. Erika dared a glance at her friend and found her glancing from the road to Erika and back to the road.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Samantha demanded. “You are acting very cagy and not like yourself. What happened?”

“Well…” Erika began. She stopped. How was she going to do this? “You have to promise not to tell a soul.” She would have stomped her foot if she thought it would have added effect in the car,

“I won’t tell.” Samantha promised.

“No one.” Erika was adamant.

“I won’t tell my own mother.” Samantha was getting frustrated.

“It’s not your mother I’m worried about.” Erika stated.

“What happened, did he kiss you?” Samantha rolled her eyes.

Erika was quiet.

“No.” Samantha burst. “No way. Jake kissed you?”

“I had a lot to drink and my head was fuzzy.” Erika defended.

“Oh, my God!” Samantha exclaimed. “You and Jake kissed!”

“You can’t tell Tricia.” Erika commanded. “You just can’t.”

“Is he a good kisser?”

Sheepishly, “Yes. I guess.”

“Now you have to tell me.” Samantha pulled over and stopped the car.

“No I don’t.” Erika was starting to get agitated.

“Erika Martin.” Samantha rose her voice but she was still smiling. “We know each other’s deepest darkest secrets, we have been best friends for, well since the beginning of summer. You have to tell me.”

“I don’t want Tricia finding out. It’ll crush her.” Erika protested.

“My lips are sealed. But you should do some extra praying in church if you want Jake to keep his sealed.”

Erika explained the best that she could of what happened with Jake at the party.

“You whore.” Samantha giggled. “You really took control? You, Erika Martin, the most submissive person I know, was taking charge of a football player. A cute one too I might add.”

“You think Jake is cute?”

“Duh, and apparently, you do too. Since you’re the one who was all over him.”

“God, I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” Erika hid her face in her hands. “What am I going to do?”

“Well, for starters, hope he doesn’t say anything. But if he does, you can’t let anyone know that it bothers you. Own it. Let them know that he was eating out of your hand, not the other way around.”

“What about Tricia?”

“Yeah, that is a hard one.” Samantha settled down. “She will take it hard regardless.”

“I know.” Erika still had her face buried in her hands. “What do I do?”

“Stay away from alcohol, obviously.” Samantha couldn’t help but snicker.

“Eggsnog.” Erika began giggling.

“What?” Samantha asked.

“Eggsnog.” Erika’s giggling became laughing.

“I don’t get it?” Samantha was trying to laugh with her friend.

Erika had to tell Samantha about eggsnog.

“That makes so much more sense now.” Samantha laughed with her. “I think I need to meet Grace.” Samantha pulled back out into traffic and drove to the church.

“I hope they are here this week.” Erika muttered to herself.

“You said that Julian would be here, right?” Samantha was scanning the crowd heading into the sanctuary.

“He usually is.”

Erika led Samantha into the church. It was much warmer in there and the stained glass as well as the lit candles seemed to give it a warmer feel.

“There they are.” She nudged Samantha.

“Julian?”

“No. The Wilson twins.” Erika muttered only for Samantha’s ears. “Annie looks to be doing better.”

“The Wilson Twins? I thought we were here to see Julian?”

“We are here to worship God.” Erika instructed, “But I also like and would like to spend more time with Allie and Annie.”

“Isn’t one of them the one shot in the park because she is … because she is like you?”

Erika nodded. “They are nice people.”

“Erika? Samantha?” a familiar voice sounded from behind them.

The girls turned. “Julian.” They both greeted at once.

He wrapped both girls a big hug. He looked from one to the other. “How did you get Samantha to come to Mass?” he asked.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Erika grinned. She looked back over to the Wilson family. There seemed to be a large section of empty seats around them. “Julian, what’s going on with that?” Erika pointed.

Julian grumbled. “It got out that Annie is Transgender and a lot of people of the church have a hard time accepting that.”

“She has always presented as a girl. She looks like girl. Why are they freaking out? Because she has male genitalia?” Erika asked.

“Basically.” Julian shook his head.

“That’s stupid.” Erika walked right over to the Wilson’s “Hello, Allie, Annie.” She greeted. “May my friend and I sit with you?”

“Sure.” Mrs. Wilson smiled.

“Hello, Erika.” Allie greeted. “You sure you want to be seen with us? You have heard the rumors, right?” She was being snarky.

“Even more of a reason for me to join you.” Erika stated. “I was taught that God doesn’t make mistakes. Therefore, Annie is perfect the way she is. If the rest of this church can’t figure that out, then shame on them.”

“Annie, you remember Erika?” Allie asked.

“The cheerleader from Washington.”

Allie nodded. “She came by the hospital while you weren’t doing so well. “and she has been here with us when you were recovering.”

“Thank you, Erika.” Annie smiled. “It sounds like you were a great comfort for my sister.

“It’s called being a decent human unlike some of these people. I can’t believe your church would shun you.”

“They won’t be for long.” Erika didn’t see the priest walk up behind them.

“Father Daniel.” Erika dipped her head. “I’m sorry.”

“You are fairly new here, aren’t you? Haven’t I seen you with Julian?”

“Yes, Father. I’ve only been here a few times. I’m sorry if I’m out of line. I’ll leave if I’m causing too much of a distraction.”

“You are welcome here as are the Wilson’s.”

“Thank you.”

“You need to be as accepting of these scared people as they need to be of this new situation.” He placed a hand on Erika’s shoulder. “People, especially older people don’t like change. We need to allow time for the Lord to open their hearts to these new times and these new changes. It’s not easy for them.” He paused and smiled. “I see the Lord has placed a special heart in you. I hope you will like what I will be talking about today.” He squeezed her shoulder nodded to the Wilson’s and stepped away.

“I think Father Daniel likes you.” Annie smiled at Erika.

Erika couldn’t believe what she had said before Father Daniel had approached. Where had she gotten that kind of courage? Eric would have just cringed and would probably be sitting on the other side of the sanctuary if he would have attended at all. Last night with Jake, helping Stephanie. She was changing in the past few weeks and she kind of liked how.

Erika looked up at the cross Is this your doing? It could have been her imagination, but she felt a warmth flow through her.

“Is it still alright if I sit with you?” Erika asked the twins.

“Please,” Annie patted the pew next to her.

“Where’s your mother?” Mrs. Wilson inquired.

“She had to pick my grandmother up from the airport. I brought my friend Samantha.” Erika looked to Allie and Annie. “She has a crush on Julian.”

The twins started giggling.

“He is good looking, and one of the sweetest guys I’ve met.” Erika went on.

Allie leaned closer to Erika and covered the side of her mouth with her hand. “He is working on becoming a priest.”

“What?” Erika was shocked. “No way. He took me to Homecoming and he did not act like he was looking to become a priest.”

Allie and Annie both laughed.

It wasn’t long before Julian and Samantha joined her and the Wilson’s. The small group like an island on one side of the sanctuary.

During the homily, Erika listened as the Father Daniel hammered in some of the points that she was ranting about. A few older people excused themselves and walked out of church. Quite a few more looked like chastised children. Erika felt a bit of satisfaction, but then remembered Father Daniel’s words to her about being accepting of those with hard hearts and closed minds towards people like Annie and herself.

She and Samantha were unable to take sacrament, but she silently prayed for those with hearts too hurt to accept people like Annie and herself. She included Taylor, Stephanie, and Melinda in those prayers. She then prayed for Annie’s health as well as her acceptance in school and the community.

--oOo—

“Is church always like that?” Samantha asked once they had pulled out of the parking lot.

“Usually not as dramatic. Did you have a nice talk with Julian?”

“Yes. He is such an interesting guy. You know when he’s not swimming, he practically lives at the church?”

“Really?” Erika kept from laughing, but only managed to hold in part of her smile.

“He has a very giving heart.” Samantha was lost in her own mind.

“Yes, he does.” Erika agreed. “He is always, well almost always a gentleman.” She thought back to homecoming dance. She had tempted him to sin. Something about that both saddened and delighted her.

“Are you going to come in?” Erika asked as they pulled up to her condo. “Please.” She added a little beg in there.

“And miss seeing your Grandmother react to you? Are you kidding? Of course, I’m coming in.”

“We’re home.” Erika announced as she and Samantha entered and shed their coats.

“We’re in the kitchen.” Her mother’s voice called.

Erika rounded the corner to see her mother and grandmother sitting at the breakfast bar drinking coffee.

“Erika!” her grandmother got up. “Oh my, let me look at you.”

Erika stood still waiting as her grandmother looked her up and down. “Who would ever believe it.” She said at last and embraced her. She pulled back. “You have breasts? So soon?”

Erika blushed. “They are breast forms, Grandma.” Erika stated. “Falsies.”

Her grandmother took another, closer look. “They look real.”

“That is the whole idea.” Erika smirked. Samantha was standing off to the side. “Grandma, this is my best friend, Samantha.”

“Hello, Samantha. My, aren’t you a pretty one.” She turned and looked at Erika again. “You are right, Nancy. She does look just like you when you were her age.” Her grandmother looked back at Erika. “She does dress and put on makeup better than you ever did.”

“Really mom?” her mother rolled her eyes.

Erika could see Samantha trying not to snicker.

“You know, your mom wanted to be a boy.” Her grandmother shook her head. “Such a beauty and all she wanted to do was get muddy, climb trees and wear grubby clothes.”

“Mother.” Her mom admonished.

“She even smelled like a boy.” Her grandmother wrinkled her nose.

“Mom?” Erika looked to her mother. “I was a tomboy. I grew out of it.”

“You mean you grew breasts and couldn’t keep up with the boys.” Her grandmother corrected.

“You didn’t tell her about the time you and that Billy neighbor came home covered in oil because you were playing in the rainbows?”

“I was four years old, mother.” Erika’s mother growled.

“Okay how about when you were thirteen and you came home the day before school pictures?”

“That was an accident?” her mother protested.

It was her grandmother’s turn to roll her eyes. “She had a goose egg over her eye that was so big and purple it swelled her eye shut, and covered from scalp to sole in scratches. Climbing trees with the boys. She fell and hit her head and fell smack square in a blackberry patch.”

“I didn’t fall.” Her mother said with disdain. “I hit my head.”

“How did you do that? Hmmm?” her grandmother asked.

“I was jumping from the branch of one tree to another. They dared me.”

Erika and Samantha could barely keep track of the story they were laughing so hard.

Her mother and grandmother laughed along with them.

“Are you two hungry?”

“Yes.” They both said at once.

Erika’s mother looked at her quizzically. “The Cottage Café?”

“Yes.” Erika bounced.

“You’re coming to, Samantha.” Her mother gave her a look that said that a decline would not be acceptable.

--oOo—

“Are you going to tell her?” Samantha asked as they sat in the car waiting outside of Tricia’s house.

“I don’t think I should, do you?” Erika bit her bottom lip.

“What if she hears it from another source? Like Jake?”

“I know, I know. Will you help me?” Erika asked from the back seat. If she was going to tell Tricia she felt it would be better on equal ground.

“Of course, but do you think it will do any good?”

“I don’t know. Here she comes.”

“Hey! How was church?” Tricia greeted as she slung her bag into the car.

“It was good. We saw Allie and Annie.” Erika greeted. “And Julian.”

“Things went well with your grandmother?”

“Yes.” Erika grinned big. “She scooped on my mom big time.”

Samantha pulled the car into the school parking lot.

Erika grabbed a hold of Tricia and pulled her into a long lingering kiss. She did taste different. Her sweet fragrance was intoxicating. Tricia pulled back, but Erika grabbed her face between her hands similarly to how she did it with Jake. She forced her tongue between Tricia’s lips. Tricia kissed back. Erika’s fingers slid through Tricia’s short hair and grabbed a bit in back and kept their lips locked.

After a few moments, Erika slowly slid back from her girlfriend. Their lips lightly caressed and bit at each other, then separated.

“Wow. What was that for?” Tricia asked after taking a deep breath.

“I want you to know that I love you.” Erika said looking Tricia in the eye. “No matter what, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Tricia smiled.

“Tricia.” Erika tried to swallow a lump in her throat. Her heart raced. Her voice became very serious. “I need to talk with you.”

“I’ll meet you inside.” Samantha opened the door.

“Hey! You were supposed to help me.” Erika growled.

“Okay.” Tricia looked paranoid. “What is going on. You two are kind of freaking me out.”

Erika turned in the seat to face Tricia. “Something happened this weekend that, well, you are going to hate me.”

“What?” Tricia asked. “Why would I hate you? I love you.”

“I got a bit drunk at my father’s co-worker’s Christmas party.” Erika felt the world start to tip. She double checked to make sure her vision wasn’t going gray. Not yet.

“You don’t hold your alcohol well.” Tricia looked concerned. “What did you do?”

“I kinda kissed a boy.” Erika closed her eyes and braced for the tirade. She was met with silence. She opened her eyes to find Tricia’s lips trembling. Tears welled up in them.

“Again?” her voice wavered. “I thought you had moved past that.”

“I was drunk.” Erika excused herself. “My head was fuzzy, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“Obviously!” Tricia yelled. “Did you like it? Kissing a boy? Again?”

“I like kissing you.” Erika stated.

“You haven’t kissed me like that in a very long time.” Tricia screamed.

“I know, and I’m very sorry. Life has been kind of hectic lately.” Erika was crying now. “It just happened.”

“Was it someone I know?”

Erika nodded. “It didn’t mean anything. It was kind of awkward and we laughed afterward.”

“That is supposed to make me feel better?”

“I have no feelings for him. Like I said, it was awkward.” Erika touched Tricia’s hand.

Tricia pulled away. “Seriously? You kissed a boy?”

Erika nodded. “I didn’t want you finding out from anyone but me. I know you are mad at me.”

“You don’t know how I feel.” Tricia wiped tears from her cheeks. “I’m hurt. Very hurt.”

“I understand and you have every right to be.” Erika tried to sooth her friend.

“Who?”

“Who, what?” Erika asked.

“Who did you kiss?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

Erika steeled herself for another tirade. “Jake.”

“Jake?” Tricia was confused.

“Jake from Language Arts.”

“You kissed that asshole, and then you kiss me?” Tricia grabbed her school bag and threw open the door.

“I told you I was drunk and it was awkward.” Erika pleaded.

“Don’t talk to me.” Tricia turned away.

“Tricia?” Erika was scrambling out of the car.

“I said don’t talk to me!” she screamed loud enough for everyone in the parking lot to hear as she stalked into the building.

“Crap! What have I done?” Erika wailed.