Erika went through her closet for the third time. “Mom, I really don’t have anything to wear.”

Her mother knocked on her door and entered. “Let’s see.” She began shuffling through Erika’s new wardrobe looking for something for the Christmas party. “I think you are right. Okay. Shopping again.”

“Can I go with Samantha?”

“I’m tired of shopping.” She paused. “Did I really just admit that? Oh well. Yes. You can go with Samantha.”

“Thank you, Momma.”

“Did your dad give you your replacement card yet?”

“Yes. I told you that last night.”

“Okay.”

“Samantha just text. She’s out at the gate. I just buzzed her in.”

“Where are you two off too?”

“Mother. Where is your brain? I explained this to you last night and this morning. We are going to watch Tricia’s dive competition.”

“Oh yes. My mind is going in circles. I have so much to do before my mother arrives.”

“She’ll understand.” Erika told her mother. “We just went through losing our house in a fire. I just went through brain surgery and that is only in the past few weeks.”

“Have fun.” Her mother bid.

Erika pulled on her coat, stuffed her wallet and phone in her pocket and headed out.

The swim/dive meet was busier than she had expected. Only a few of the cheerleaders had shown up to cheer on the team. Erika had been too drained over the past few days to show much interest. She waved at Tricia, who seemed to be concentrating on what she was doing.

A starting pistol cracked, startling her. She looked over to see Julian diving into the water. A few seconds later he came to the surface and began swimming hard.

“Go Julian!” She doubted that he could hear her, but it felt good to support him just the same.

She and Samantha found seats and continued cheering as he made his turn and pushed off for the other wall. He was in second. The person in first was half a body length ahead of him, but Julian didn’t seem to be gaining any. The rest of the swimmers were way behind him.

“Wow, look at his shoulders.” Samantha watched with appreciation. “And you don’t want that?”

“Nope.” Erika stated. “I’m a breast girl.”

Samantha shook her head. “Well, can I have him?”

“Sure. I noticed that you haven’t been dating this year.”

“I want out of the jock arena and something a bit different.” Samantha stated. “I’ve been hurt by too many jocks. Time for some brains with a bit of muscle.”

“You don’t consider Julian a jock?”

“Nah. Oh, he’s athletic, sure. But he is also very smart. And after how I saw him treat you, Well, He’s a good guy.”

Erika nodded. “I think so.”

Samantha waved across the pool. “Hi Stan!” she yelled.

Erika looked up and waved too.

Julian took second as it looked to be expected. He seemed to be happy with that.

Erika smiled as she watched Samantha watching Julian climb out of the pool and grab his towel. “You should come to church with me and my mom.” She told Samantha.

“Why?”

“Because Julian is a regular there.”

“Oh?” Samantha looked surprised. “Maybe I will.”

The Swim team came in second among the five schools represented. They only missed first by a few points.

“I thought I heard familiar voices.” Julian joined them. He wrapped first Erika up in a hug, and then Samantha. “What do I owe this pleasure?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Julian.” Erika teased. “We’re here to watch Tricia.”

“I should have known. I haven’t seen you two much in a while.”

“I’ve been real busy.” Erika smiled. “Brain tumor, house burning down, finding a new house, getting ready for Christmas….”

“Modeling at photo shoots.” Samantha added.

Erika slapped Samantha’s arm. “I was keeping that quiet.”

“You are modeling?” Julian beamed. “Wow, I went to Homecoming with a lesbian model. I’ll have to add that to my stories to tell my grandkids.”

“It was only one modeling job.” Erika tried to play it down. I doubt I’ll do much more.”

“Why? You are beautiful.” Julian gave her a knowing look. “I’m sure I’ll see your face on billboards in no time.”

“Perhaps sooner than you think.” Samantha added.

“Samantha, enough.” Erika warned.

“Fine.” Samantha huffed.

“Okay, Julian.” Erika looked to her friend. “Again, I have no idea of what I am looking at when it comes to diving. You’ve gotta help us out.

“Wow, she’s pretty good.” Julian watched as Tricia broke the surface with barely a splash. Watch over there, here goes Stan.”

Erika looked up to a high platform. Stan was balancing on the end with his toes. He leaped up into the air and spun and summersaulted before entering the water.
“Wow. He is amazing.”

“He should be. He practices all the time. He will be trying out for the Olympics this next time around.”

“Wow. That is so cool.”

The three cheered on their friends. Stan ended up scoring the highest in every dive. Tricia fluctuated between second and third in her group. All in all a very good meet.
Julian excused himself and went into the locker room to change.

“Are you up for some shopping tonight?” Erika asked her friend. “I need a dress for my dad’s co-worker’s Christmas party.”

“Oh, I guess I can spare a couple of hours for that.” Samantha teased.

Tricia came out, her hair almost dry was styled kind of messy spiky. She smiled at Erika as she approached, then looked up in the stands and waved. Erika turned around and saw that Tricia’s parents were sitting up there waving back.

“I’ll be right back.” She said passing her two friends.

“I didn’t see them up there.” Erika felt bad for not noticing her girlfriend’s parents.

“Neither did I.” Samantha agreed. “They probably came in after we did.”

A few minutes later, Tricia came back down and gave Erika a big kiss.

“You were amazing.” Erika told her once Tricia had pulled back.

“Second and third. Not too bad.” Tricia agreed. “Did you see Stan?”

Both girls nodded.

“I’ll be as good as him by the time I’m a senior.” Tricia smiled. “This school’s coach is pretty good.”

“You’re almost that good now.” Erika told her. Julian was impressed and told us how great you were doing.”

Tricia blushed a bit.

“We are going to the mall.” Erika changed the subject. “I need a Holiday dress for Christmas parties.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Tricia interrupted. “Your stuff was delivered today. So we need to stop by my house.”

“Then let’s get going.” Samantha prompted.

Erika carefully removed her breast forms and set them aside for cleaning. She hated taking them off. The weight pulling on her chest felt comfortable after all of these months. Removing them felt as if someone had amputated a part of her body. Erika showered and shaved including the few hairs that had grown under her breast forms.

Once out of the shower, she dried off, and quickly put her gaff on. That appendage was becoming a nuisance. She was starting to wonder what it would be like to no longer have it between her legs. She then went through the task of cleaning her breast forms. She laid them on her bathroom counter to dry as she dried off the skin on her chest.

She touched her flat areolas and wondered what it would be like to actually cup her own breasts. She was on testosterone blockers now, and yes that was a victory and another step towards her becoming a woman, but she wanted estrogen. She wanted to feel softer skin, less body hair. She wanted to see softer fetchers in her face and more curves in her pelvis. She was noticing these subtle and not so subtle nuances in her friends. She was starting to become envious.

She sighed heavily. She’d have to start pressuring her Doctors into allowing her to start hormone replacement.

After finally getting her forms attached and the edges blended, she looked for a long while in the mirror. She was shocked at how she felt ‘whole’ again. She cupped the breast forms in her hands. Her hands and eyes said that they were hers, but her mind and her chest revealed the lie. She picked up on them slightly and felt the pull of the skin on her chest. No, it just wasn’t the same. She wondered what it would be like to have real breasts and how it would feel for Tricia to trace real areolas with her tongue. Or how her lips would feel as she caressed real breast tissue.

Erika dropped her hands and squeezed the counter. She wanted to scream with frustration, but she didn’t want her parents knowing what was going on in her head. These were conversations for her Doctors first.

She’d have to email Aunt Carrie and see if she could get a list of those herbs again. She just wanted to start seeing changes. The right changes.

She had never been to an adult Christmas party. She suspected there would be boring conversations and cocktails, but who knew. She would find out in just a few hours.

Erika slowly pulled the black nylons up over her legs. The feeling of them encasing her freshly shaved legs was intoxicating. She was thrilled to feel the difference. She had spent a lot more money on these and they felt it. These were not they drug store Leggs brand panty-hose, these were high end department store silk stockings. A chill charged through her body as she drew them over her knees. She stood and finished pulling them on. She then reached down and ran her fingertips from her ankle up her calf and to her knee thrilled with how they felt.

Smiling to herself, she slipped into her new red sweater dress that hugged her curves, natural and fake. She pulled on the hem which ended just above her knees and arranged the neckline to show a hint of cleavage but not enough that her father would feel uncomfortable.

The three-quarter length sleeves begged for something on her wrist. She pulled out a small decorative chain bracelet with a charm and secured it in place.

The necklace that her father had given her for the family photos would be perfect around her neck, dainty, but effectively showing some sparkle under her chin, but Enough to draw the eye up from her cleavage.

Erika stood in front of the mirror and smiled, a bit giddy at the reflection that she was seeing. Lipstick matching the color of the dress enhanced her pouty lips and framed her smile. Dark smoky eyes were framed by her natural long dark lashes and blunt, long fringe.

Her long dark curls had been ironed smooth and were shiny with gloss. The ends of her hair brushed and caressed an open back in her dress.

Tear drop shaped glass beads hung from a fine chain attached to her earlobes. She tucked one side of her hair to show off her ears and their adornment and smiled.

“Are you ready, Erika?” her mother called.

“Coming.” She hollered back. She did a split second final inspection then slid her legs into black heeled boots. She pulled the zippers up securing her ankles and calves, grabbed a small purse that already held her lipstick, and cell phone and walked out to join her parents by the front door.

“Holy…..” her father couldn’t finish, His mouth worked like a fish out of water, searching for the right words.

“You are definitely going to draw some attention.” Her mother smiled.

“Too much?” Erika bit her lip suddenly uncertain.

Her father just shook his head.

“No, dear, you look amazing. Who taught you to do your makeup like that?”

“The artists at the photoshoots.” Erika smiled.

“You look incredible, honey.” Her father finally managed.

“Thank you, Daddy.” She took a step forward and planted a kiss on his cheek. She stepped back and giggled.

“I’ll get that.” Her mother chuckled. She pulled out a tissue and wiped Erika’s lip print off of his cheek.

Erika stood behind her parents on the front stoop of the Klaus’ house as her father rang the doorbell.

“John, Nancy.” Mr. Klaus greeted.

“Merry Christmas, Vince.” Her father greeted back as he stepped into the foyer. “Vince, you know my wife, Nancy.” He introduced. “And this is my daughter, Erika.”

“Welcome.” Mr. Klaus greeted. “Aparna, the Martins are here.”

Erika was surprised when a Hindi woman came out of the kitchen wearing a beautiful green with gold accented sari. “Welcome and Merry Christmas.” She approached with a large smile.

“Aparna, this is John, Nancy, and their daughter, Erika.” He introduced.

“Vince has nothing but high praise for you, John.” She greeted. She turned to Erika’s mother. “Nancy, welcome. Please come in, let me take your coats.”

“So good to meet you, Aparna.” Her mother smiled. She held out a bottle of wine awkwardly. “John didn’t tell me that you were Hindi, I brought wine.” She apologized.

“Nonsense.” Aparna waved away the thought. “I converted to Christianity years ago, and I absolutely love a good wine.”

“Your sari is beautiful.” Her mother complimented.

“Very pretty.” Erika added.

“Thank you.” Aparna beamed. “I may be American now, but I still love bits of my old life.”

“With fabrics and colors like that, I would too.” Her mother agreed.

“Grace!” Aparna called again. “Bring the tray.” The Hindi woman took their coats and hung them in the closet off to the side.

Erika was instantly enthralled with the thick braid that fell down Aparna’s back to the back of her knees.

“I had to fill the glasses, mother.” A young woman approached.

“John, Nancy, this is my daughter Grace.” Mr. Klaus introduced. “Grace, this is Mr. and Mrs. Martin, and their daughter Erika.”

“Champagne?” Grace offered.

“Thank you.” Her mother took a glass.

“John, it is fine by us, if it is okay with you, that Erika can have some too.” Vince approached a touchy subject. “It is a Christmas party after all.”

Erika’s father looked to her mother. “It’s a controlled environment.” She told him. “I think it is fine.”

Erika was stunned, but was pleased to see Grace’s smile widen. Erika took a glass and took a small sip of the bubbly.

“Please, come in.” Mr. Klaus invited. “The party is in the back of the house.”

Erika could hear other adult voices coming from what looked to be a family room beyond the kitchen. She caught sight of a few women dressed to the nines shuffling from the kitchen to the back.

“Hi, Grace.” Erika greeted as the parents stepped ahead of them.

“Merry Christmas, Erika.” Grace made a more informal greeting. “I’m sorry, if I looked stunned. My father told me that the Martins had a son.”

Grace had beautiful, mocha-colored skin. Not as dark as her mother’s but nearly flawless. Her nose, Erika decided, she received from her father, it wasn’t nearly as strong as her mother’s. Her ebony hair, not as shiny or as smooth as Melinda’s, bounced in curls just past her shoulders. She was wearing a beautiful red silk sari-like top over a pair of jeans.

“I was a tomboy until recently.” Erika smiled.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” Grace walked Erika off to a separate room from the parents. “You go to Washington High, right?”

“Yes. You?”

“I’m a Senior at Adams.”

“Oh, do you know the Wilson twins?”

“Who at Adams doesn’t. They have made quite an impact in the short time that they have been there. Did you know that Annie is a Tranny?”

“Uh, no. I mean I have heard rumors.” Erika professed. So, it was Annie who was just like her. She needed to make more of an effort to befriend the girls.

“It’s kind of weird.” Grace stated. “but hey, to each their own.” Grace grabbed a glass of champagne from a table and took a long sip. “I’m glad that I don’t have to be bored amongst the adults. Thanks for coming.”

“I’m glad that I did.” Erika nodded with a smile. She might actually have a good time after all. She took another draw of her champagne and nearly choked as they entered a garage turned family room. Sitting in a chair playing on the X-box was Jake from Mrs. Anderson’s class.

“Hey, you two know each other?” Grace asked. “Jake goes to Washington too.”

Erika wanted to turn and run out of the room. No, she wanted to run back to her condo, heeled boots or not. Not Jake.

Jake looked from his game to the doorway. His jaw dropped and he just stared. “Erika?”

“Hi, Jake.” Erika hoped her voice didn’t tremble. She finished off the champagne and waved the glass. “anymore?” She squeaked.