Venuslandia --

I signed in, as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. I sat back in the chair waiting my turn. I grabbed a soda from the machine and watched another client getting jacked up in the barber's chair.

It was then that I realized drinking something was a bit of a mistake. My bladder was full. I got up and went into the bathroom. The urinal was occupied, so I went into the stall. Oh, what the hey, I thought, I will just sit and do my business too.

As I pulled the toilet paper roll to be ready to wipe myself after I was done, all of a sudden, I heard, "Good Morning Mr. Phelps."

I said, "Hello, is someone there." It was then that a panel opened on the bathroom wall in my stall and photos appeared on a TV screen.

"This is Generalismo Chardon of the South American country Venuslandia. For the last five years, he has been engaged in an attempt to win the Miss Universe contest by surgically altering men turning them into beautiful women. If he succeeds, the notoriety and publicity will put Venuslandia on the map thus bankrupting Rand McNally and other well known map making companies. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to stop Generalismo Chardon and put a stop to his map changing scheme once and for all. As usual, should you or your IMF team be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This roll of toilet paper will self destruct in five seconds."

Five seconds later, sure enough, the toilet paper flashed and there was nothing left. The wall closed and I was left with a dilemma since he really scared the crap out of me.

After telling the travel agent my destination, he still couldn't find Venuslandia any where on Google maps.

I was utterly heart broken when he turned to me and said, "Sorry, Madame, it looks like it is mission impossible to get you there."

Damn, I thought, I hate it when I get all dressed up and have no where to go get changed.

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