Anybody who has gone through male puberty can tell you, it's stressful. It's stressful enough for a cis boy with no other major stressors, but it was worse in my case, as neither of those things was true for me.
The worst part was whenever I got aroused, and my male equipment did what it's supposed to do under those circumstances. Those moments were incredibly painful, both physically and psychologically, and I sometimes feel I barely survived them.
So why am I bringing this up now? Because despite years of female hormones and testosterone blockers, it still happens, and time has not made the experience any less stressful. It seems to happen most often and night, which has made my bedtime much more stressful. It's wearing me down, and I'm fraying at the edges.
Comments
Deceived about expectations.
In the 16+ years since my gender image got the wobblies, I've been fed more nonsense than is imaginable. Those sympathetic to the LGBT agenda, well, there are those who spout ideas that they have not a single clue about. Even more tragic, there are those in the Psychological arena and with the drug companies, aye, who have spied themselves a cash cow.
For me, despite surgery and hormones, my brain still likes to gaze upon a nice round female butt, better yet to perchance hold one to wear and sit upon. Oh that I could have had one of my own? Yet, in a session with my own Psychological practitioner, we talked about my attraction to Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen in "Return of The King". My own body quivered at delight while watching them in the final battle. SIGH !
It is now obvious to me that I am not who others say I am, I am ME! And whatever my body does is natural within the way it was formed. I think my attraction to dominant males is just fine. In my case, my psyche is still searching for a Daddy. For me, the Native American Two Spirit model works the best. Others have commandeered the term, but the Indians had it right long before them.
Go your way. Enjoy life. Just be you. To hell with those who try to define YOU.
Bias tape
(Don't take that subject literally)
If you're fraying, you just need to find that something to hold you together a little more tightly.
Maybe the bedtime thing has something to do with blood pressure and becoming horizontal.
Perhaps a cold bath before bed would delay the reaction enough that you could fall asleep before it happens.
Dear Dottie,
Have you tried having your testosterone tested? Maybe something is interfering with your T blocker. With the Canadian health service, can you have your testes removed and they pay for it? I understand that you can't get GRS right now because of your weight. It seems that an orchiectomy is a much easier operation on ones body. Maybe they'll let you get it.
What's happening with you gastric bypass (or what ever it's called)?
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
everything's been put on hold
but now that the province is opening up, things may move again. as for an orchiectomy, I've been told that my weight and health mean its not likely. when I started on blockers, I was told I had a very high T count, and it took a lot of blockers to get me down enough they felt safe giving me hormones, so that might be part of it.