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This may blow your mind!
After living as a woman since 2004, and having had the surgery in 2007, lately it seems to me that perhaps I do not know what being Transgender is. It's not because I was never gay, though I was raped around 1960. My Stepfather always hated, or "feared me" because I was so feminine. I can't figure it out because I rode bad motorcycles, climbed really tall trees, and did stuff that would make many males wet themselves. Yet as soon as the deafening noise of my unmuffled motorcycle died out, many thought I was feminine. Don't get me wrong, I have known women that could make a big bike stand up and beg for a treat, but I wasn't one of them.
YET ! I was often thought to be gay. My brothers thought I would be a pastor. No matter how much "macho" stuff I did, it did no good. Everyone thought I was a sissy. Without getting scientific about it, I never liked physical sports where they could hurt me. I was "stuffed" kicking and screaming into being a woman by crazy, egocentric assholes who thought they could mould anyone to their evil and distorted image.
These days I am ME. Teddy's Two Spirit tale helped me begin to make sense of things. Pants make me want to puke because all of them I have found are too tight where my bits are and very uncomfortable. It seems like the LGBT have one idea about who I should be, but after so many years, it is clear that I'll never measure up to them.
These days, there is almost no one on the streets. If I go out, its all covered up and people are to be avoided. Lots of guys around that have run off the rails, are shouty and angry. So far, I can out run them on my bike. Pretty sure that we are about to be post apocalyptic.
I think I used to be an extrovert, but in these latter years, it seems clear that I live like an introvert. In public it seems far too risky to talk to others. Sorry to have bothered anyone. I'll just go my way mumbling.
Gwen
Comments
hugs hon
I had a lot of reasons to doubt that I was trans, between rapes and physical and mental abuse, and the lack of a father or a good male role model. And yet, post transition other than surgery, I feel more at peace in my womanhood than I ever thought possible. But I'm not you, and cant tell you what you need or dont need. But as for measuring up to anybody, I wouldn't worry. The only person you have to measure up to is your best self.
never fit in
never was a macho dude myself. have had a series of "manly jobs" ,by the time I was 13
I was 5 foot 10 inches wit a 6 foot 4 inch wingspan like a gorilla. All was a little feminine in my actions. Thought I might be gay so did that for a while. Not my gig. Found a woman that was not put off by my ape face and femme wiles been married for a while still no
buds to hang with and ok with that. So I get it . And I hope you find a path
ed
ed
No real answer
I don't think there is a correct answer to your question. Given the few replies as of this response it obviously is different to everyone. My own story is different than most. When very young I wasn't a typical male child preferred female friends to male ones, never participated in sports never had an interest in them. I was quite intelligent graduated H.S. at 16. The one nagging thing in my mind I was never comfortable in my skin, and there wasn't the information that there is now and came to a poor conclusion that it was just me that was off. So to compensate I opted to do what I thought would fix me, I enlisted into the military and found myself in the jungles of SE Asia at 17. But that didn't fix the wrongness either and after 10 years gave up on that fixing me. So decided to go to college got a degree in the emerging field of computer science got married and had children but all that did was make things worse. So to make a long story short after years of counseling I was given a diagnosis of what they now call GID So I started to transition, it cost me my marriage, the relationship with my children, and my family. and my career. However the greatest betrayal was my body after two heart attacks one resulting in open heart surgery I was told to stop my HRT and here I am now in sort of a Limbo. I opted to still live as female and seem for the most part accepted as such, except by members of our trans community I swear the Nazi's don't have anything over some of our so called community/sisterhood. So what is transgender? your guess is as good as mine.
Nailed "IT"
Fiona K put it quite succulently. There is no one size fits all. Why does everyone, including us, want to give trans a definite boundary? Because we want to fit in. Fit in where? Fit in, just fit in anywhere so we can know what trans is or what trans isn't and make sure we are inside the rules. What rules? The ones everyone else decided for us. The rules one of the people I most despise, Dr. Harry Benjamin, decided a trans had to fit inside to be accepted as trans and receive medical and society's support.
Damn you Dr. Benjamin! How many have lost their lives trying to fit inside your definitions of trans? It was the most insidious kind of acceptance of trans. A mental brain washing for all trans and all society, and God help me, everyone jumped onto that thought train. We now had a mold, a pattern to put trans in and if they fit they will receive really truly expensive medical abuse. Years of mental evaluation to make sure they fit the mold. And to make double damn sure they need to act the part, dressing as a Stepford Wife twenty four seven. Lose their job, lose their family, lose their life is of no consequence. They must fit the mold of what Dr. Benjamin described is transsexual.
I've never truly hated anyone in my life. Strongly disliked, wish I could kill them, sure, but not hate. Dr. Benjamin would be the head of my list if I had one.
Ladies, gentlemen, for God's sakes stop trying to fit some damn mold of what a trans is. Stop trying to fit in the definition others outside looking in have decided makes a female or a male, those in between or even those who shift back and forth who we call Gender Fluid. Rules? Definitions? In your own mind. Find your comfort zone if possible and live it. If you can't do that you will NEVER be truly happy. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, "This is my life. It belongs to me. God gave it to me an no one else." And live it as such. Accept others and share your life with others, friends, family, strangers, but don't give them control of it.
I've lost too many who tried to be what others decided they should be not what they themselves believed they are. If you can't live without rules and definitions, make them up to fit yourself and toss out that damn rule book others made up for you to follow. Find your comfort zone and live it. Even if it's that once in a blue moon where you kiss the world off, settle in for the day or night and became that person hidden deep inside where you have kept him or her safe from the rest of the world. You don't have to dress up if you tossed everything for the ten thousandth time. Accept yourself for who you are.
Every single name that goes on the list of "Remembrance" whether I knew them personally or not takes a piece of my heart out. I always wonder how much pain and suffering they had to live through before they finally found their peace?
Hugs all you beautiful people
always
Barb
Suicide Prevention Counselor
Life is a gift. Treasure it until it's time to return it.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
to me, and i thought this was the generally accepted definition
of being transgender was anyone who didn't fit into the gender binary. being gay, bi, etc, has NOTHING to do with being Transgender, although a fair few are also not in the "straight" category for various reasons.
I know there are many groups, etc who have a "perfect" definition (to them). I know some use the "what if I did it for just a little while then stopped?" everyone can have a phase, tomgirls, feminine males, etc. some grow out of it, some don't. some do NOT want to be listed as "transgender" as it makes them part of the "other" without realizing that they are already felt to be that. yes, some will accept, but most don't or do so only to keep things peaceful, etc.
it's better to be accepting of someone's statement/feelings than NOT to be. yes, some are (and I really hate this term, just FYI) "Gender Trenders" who think its "cool" BUT NOT who they really ARE. if they are doing it to try and see how WE feel, i am ok with that, so long as they are respectful, etc.
I tend to use the most scientifically accepted terms but in the broadest possible way.
running a peer support group for Trans (under an LGBTQ coalition group, in northern arizona, very conservative and "churchy") you learn to be cautious, but not to the extent you exclude someone who needs your help.
Teresa L.
You are the answer
You said it yourself, "I am ME". We all are unique individuals. It is comforting to find a group we are comfortable with and feel we fit, but we never really fit because we are all unique. Some may argue but feeling different is a nearly universal experience. We need to embrace the difference and enjoy being our unique selves. You spent years fighting the tender caring thoughtful person you are because your training said you couldn't be that way, because you had a penis. Now you should just accept and enjoy the unique and delightful you, that you have found in your journey.
Hugs Cheryl
Two Spirit Native American Style
For me, I'm half or more Native American, The Two Spirit model seems to be best. I see a misunderstanding between the LGBT "Two Spirit" and the Native American one. My understanding of the Nádleeh . If you are not Navajo, don't bother trying to say the word. Almost all of what I know about my own heritage is within the last two years. As a child, my Mother said enough that I knew something was up, but she would not elaborate. Someone said we were Cherokee, but I don't find evidence of that. We were likely Apache or Navajo. The state of Oklahoma has 38 different Reservations. Tribal groups placed there by our beloved American Government.
For me that means a Nadeeli could live as woman or man depending upon what the spirits told them. No Surgery, No Hormones, just live your life and be happy.
Teddie does an admirable job with "The Trials and Tribulations of a Girl".
All this is just my opinion.
Gwen
There is however...
... a difference between being TRANSGENDER and being TRANSSEXUAL.
If not, if people just get to define a woman or a man as 'what they feel in the moment', you invalidate reality.
Yes there are now the so-called 'Non-Binary' movement, and yes, maybe they are valid... for me the jury is still not out on that.
You are either a man or a woman. Or you are an IT. In the eyes of the world.
"Normal" society outnumber us by billions and they define what is reality. We can kick and scream bitch and moan as much as we want, but if we do not subscribe and conform to either one of the two sides, we are an IT in their eyes.
I KNEW early on I was not male, and made the choice to transition at the age of 11. It took me almost another 20 years to complete my transition, but I did do the whole thing and I have been happy living as a woman now for 25 years. I still have some male elements to me like some of my interests, but I was NEVER MALE to begin with.
Yes there are masculine women and feminine men. But you can only push that envelope THAT FAR... Then you upset the STATUS QUO, and sorry to say, WE are not the societal group that gets to determine that STATUS QUO.
We literally need to fit in of Fuck off. And this is what the 'Non-binaries' DO NOT WANT to understand. THE WORLD at large the 'NORMIES' DO NOT have to bend the knee to every 'not normal' variant of humanity's identities. It does NOT have to change the laws to accommodate us. Yes we fought for it in some countries in our own ways, but it is now being UNDERMINED by this new movement of "you are what you want to be, in the MOMENT" and "women do not really exist, because even if you have a penis, YOU can claim to be a woman"...
What has happened to the world. If YOU claim to be NEITHER, than live THAT, but do not try and claim to 'CHAMPION' for 'TRANS RIGHTS' because what this 'Non-binary' SJW movement has only achieved is to put a target of HATE on an already vulnerable part of society. I am NOT TRANSGENDER I AM FEMALE, From the core of my being I have always been and always WILL be.
I as a Transitioned woman AM NOT PART and do not WANT ANY PART of this fucked up flip flop 'gender changes as the wind blows' society.
I fought hard to be come ME. I will not let some loons cheapen that fight and INVALIDATE my claim to being 100% female, all be it that I got there by a different route as GG Girls.
I KNOW for a fact there are people who are desperately wanting to transition but can not, and that does not mean you are less of a female in YOU IDENTITY and CORE than somebody like me who did transition, but on another level, I DID RISK EVERYTHING and I DID LOOSE A LOT! Especially when it comes to family. I DID PAY that price, and I will pay it again GLADLY to be ME. ALWAYS!
If YOU do not have the fortitude and the guts to RISK your LIFE to FIND your true self, sorry on some level YOU do not have the right to claim that you are female on a physical level then...
And if that sounds contradictory in a way, re read it if you have to before you blow up in a fit of rage.
And call me a 'Trans-Medicalist' if YOU want to, and I will wear the title with honor.
To those of you who claim to have been FORCED by other people into transitioning... and now live in 'LIMBO' I say this, YOU went along with IT, YOU did not fight back to claim your TRUE self. Maybe because you chose to stay ignorant of yourself, or yet again maybe YOU actually did not have the GUTS to stand your ground. IGNORANCE of SELF is not an EXCUSE!!! EVER!!!
And do not claim that there was no information available. I found all I needed to know about what my issues was at 11 or 12 in a Shit Hole Country with a Fascist/religious government in the early 1980's. There IS NO excuse for IGNORANCE of self!!!
If you are not prepared to challenge your own understanding of self and ask the HARD questions, no the FUCKING HARD questions, and confront the answers within YOURSELF, YOU have no one to blame for the realization and manifestation of your identity BUT YOURSELF. And before YOU rip out the pitch forks and blow torches, smoke that over for a bit and realize YOUR LIFE, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!
I said this before, THIS Journey, to transition between sexes, ARE NOT FOR SISSIES. It takes BALLS OF STEEL to become a woman(or vice versa) and define YOUR happiness, and fight for it!
And Yes I might yet again be deleted because I say shit that people DO not want to hear, but do the INTROSPECTION, The ANSWER lie within, ALWAYS. It is never to be found OUT THERE, EVER!
but it is the rare moments of beauty and peace
in between the chaos,
That makes it worth living."
- Tertia Hill