why cant I cry?

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As I spend my last weekend with my dog, its starting to bug me that I cant seem to cry.

we've had her for 15 years, and I love this silly fluff-ball.

But somehow I cant seem to actually cry.

What's wrong with me?

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>Nothing whatsoever is at all "wrong"<

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Dear Dorothy:
There is nothing at all "wrong" with you, for not being able to cry ... I think you are still in a bit in shock, still bit numb.

Every person will grieve differently, and not how other people think they "should", and not even how you think you "should".

Grief may come and go, may 'blindside' you, may be triggered by a trivial thing.

PS: take some photos, be with her when it's time, keep her leash and tags, and a toy or three. Hugs.

PPS: And do not feel bad later, the first time you notice you have gone an hour or longer, without thinking of Lady. This is how healing works.

And it is not bad, nor "disloyal", at some time in a future you can't see just now, to consider giving another Companion a fur-ever home. If she could tell us, I'll bet she would want you to Love, and to be Loved again.
---
Please keep us updated.

More Hugs.

grief hits randomly

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grief can hit you many times and come out of nowhere when not expecting it and then not come when you do expect it. all normal. you have enough to deal with to worry about if the way you are handling your grief is right or not. I wish you the best.

It will come.

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Rose's picture

In the early 80s, my grandfather died and I didn't cry. I was expecting it, and was fine. I loved him very much. We raised honeybees together, as well as played harmonica together.
Our birthdays were only 3 days apart, so we even celebrated our birthdays together. There were so many things that were similar between us.
I didn't cry. Until...
I was standing in front of the people at his funeral, telling about our relationship and how we loved each other. I lost it. I finally got through it, but I was a wreck for a long time.
My own experience with the above situation and the fur children that I've lost, has been the ones that hit me the hardest are the ones with a delayed reaction. It's as if my brain is trying to process it but can't yet. I know there will be so much pain, and I think the shock (some would call it apathy) helps me adjust to the changes. Give it time.
Hugs, Dorothy.
I'm hoping and praying for you.

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Hugs!
Rosemary

Stranger Than Camus

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laika's picture

I used to say I have been more emotional over the death of pets than I was about either of my parents passing. With them everything felt blocked by unresolved issues + unprocessed anger, unlike the emotionally pure and straightforward bond I've had with all my four-legged loved ones. But it felt downright spooky and I was full of self-recrimination when months had passed after my dad had died and I still hadn't shed a tear for him. It made me feel like I was the emotionally hollow anti-hero of Albert Camus' THE STRANGER, that famous scene where he realized he felt nothing at his mother's funeral and wondered if he was even human.

Then almost a year after we buried my dad in the VA cemetery in Fallon I was at a Thanksgiving dinner with a really good friend and a whole lot of her relatives I didn't know and wasn't too comfortable around (a well-to-do "Old Nevada" family with airports + things named after them), when I remembered how the previous Thanksgiving was the last time I did anything halfway normal with my dying father and I never would again; and I totally lost it- a year's worth of tears of grief and weird involuntary noises exploding from me in front of all these strangers! For some reason I thought of Roger Rabbit's line when Eddie Valiant asked him why he hadn't slipped out of his handcuffs before since he'd done it so easily: "I can only do it when it's comically opportune!" Or in my case when it was super fucking embarrassing. But I was a lot less embarrassed after I saw that everyone there understood.

So I don't know why you can't cry for your sweet doggie but I know how horrible it feels to not be able to, and I'm also sure you will in time, probably at some time and place where you're trying to be cool. It seems like the unconscious has it's own mysterious schedule independent of what we think it SHOULD be doing.
~big hugs, Veronica
.

And if you haven't in cried six months I suggest getting looped
and watching OLD YELLER, masochistic as that might be...

.
"The federal government will only recognize 2 genders,
as assigned at birth-" (The man in his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU

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