Feral Saga Chapter 13 - Treachery

by Nyssa

A Marvel X-Men Fanfiction starring Wolverine and Jean Grey

Author’s Note:

Sorry this chapter took so long. The holidays took a big bite of time from my schedule and this chapter was EXTREMELY difficult to get right. Originally, I had a different ending for this chapter and specific events I wanted, but then everybody seemed like they had to say something and Logan decided she couldn’t put off some inner reflection that I’d planned for later, and the chapter ballooned in size. Plus, the little vignettes were tough to get into the right sequence. Long story (excuse) short (too late for that), it got broken up into two HUGE chapters. So, obviously this chapter is going to deal with the rape to a large extent. If that is triggering, this is not the story for you. I tried to be realistic about the issues, but keep in mind that this is a superhero story, so… you know, not realistic timeframe and not really realistic recovery. For example, we’re still going to have some explcit sex in this one. Please don’t think it means I take the issues of sexual assault lightly. Thanks for still giving this weird story a chance, Once again, I’d like to thank my proofreaders. Gabi (Xtrim), in particular, has been a huge help, but I have been blessed with several more (anonymous) reviewers and I thank them as well.

August 20, 2020 - I made some minor edits to the story and am posting them all at once.

Here’s a wiki you can use if you’re really lost: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/X-Men

© Nyssa 2020

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The cruelest lies are often told in silence.

• Robert Louis Stevenson

 

“Fly,” said Logan as Scott strapped into his chair. She was sitting in the second set of seats, her hair still damp from her shower.

Scott looked back but didn’t respond. When he had entered the cockpit, she had turned her head away, but he had seen the red-rimmed, puffy eyes and knew she’d been crying.

Logan heard familiar footsteps hurrying toward the ramp of the ship. Knowing who would be rushing to be with her, she adjusted the seat to its widest and put her arms up just as Jean rushed into them and joined her on the seat. They clung to each other and Logan rested her head on Jean’s shoulder. “I’m not gonna cry. Not anymore,” she promised herself.

“Lolo, my love, my love,” cooed Jean over and over, rocking them gently and pausing occasionally to kiss Logan’s head as the ship lifted off.

Once they were in the air, Jean began organizing for their return.

“Kitty,” she projected as strong as she could.

“Yes, Jean? Wow, that dropped me to my knees, you know? What’s up?”

“We need all girls on deck for this. Get Anna Marie and be ready when the X-jet arrives.”

“It’s Lolo, isn’t it? What happened? Is she ok? What did Sabretooth do to her? I knew I should have told her that the simulation was on the B setting. Oh, this is all my fault.”

“Kitty, I need you to be calm. Lolo isn’t physically harmed. She’s going to be ok, but she needs us to be strong for her. I want someone with her and touching her 24 hours a day for now, OK?”

“Oooh, I’m not any good at this. I’m freaking out; I’m so worried. Please tell me what happened?”

“Kitty, Lolo’s always been there for you. You can do this. I don’t know much myself, but Sabretooth used a drug on her and forced her to… well, to not act like herself. To act more like an animal. And he took advantage of it. He raped her.”

Jean could sense the anguish and concern coming from Kitty, who was obviously at a loss for words.

“Please tell me he’s dead,” Kitty finally said.

“Yes, he’s dead.”

“Did Lolo kill him?”

“Yes, she did.”

“Good,” said Kitty.

While Logan managed not to cry during the flight, Jean wasn’t as successful. Neither were Kitty and Rogue, although they had composed themselves by the time the jet got there and they ran onboard to surround Logan as she left the plane to go right up to her living quarters.

Jean’s tears weren’t just for Logan. Some were for Scott and some were for herself. When she found Scott after she and Hank had landed, he had told her what had happened. The conversation hadn’t been easy for either of them. He told her how he’d found Sabretooth raping Logan and how his arrival had been enough of a distraction that Logan had been able to cut off his head when he went to attack Scott and Scott had blasted the head until it was just adamantium. He told her that the drug had probably made Logan think only of mating and removed all higher-level thinking and that Sabretooth had taken advantage of that. She didn’t really know what she was doing.

“She told you all that?” asked Jean.

“She didn’t have to. When I came across them, he shot me with it too.” His memory of Sabretooth’s attack was jumbled, but he told her what he believed happened. He told her that Logan had gone ahead to the X-jet to get a shower and change.

Then he’d gotten to the part that he didn’t really want to tell Jean.

“Scott, what is it? Did something more happen?” she had asked.

“Jean… I don’t know how to say it.”

“Well, whatever it is, you have to say it now…” Jean felt a chill and it felt like every hair on her body started to stand up.

“It was the drug, it forced us to act like animals and the smell in the room and, I don’t know, the excitement… After Sabretooth was dead, Logan came over to me and she…” Scott gestured vaguely at his hips.

“She what?” Jean had no clue what the gesture meant. “Did she attack you?”

“Kinda…” Scott looked to the sky and sighed. This was the last thing he wanted to tell Jean. “She was still under the effects of the drug, they made her want to… mate. Me too… We had sex but like animals. We weren’t thinking…” Scott had reached out as if to try to touch Jean.

Jean wasn’t even aware of his motion. All she could hear was a rushing noise in her ears. She felt like everything had stopped. She tried not to picture them together, but the images still came to mind. Her heart was beating so fast and loud, she was sure Scott could hear it. And it hurt. It hurt badly.

“Jean, please, it was the drug. I don’t even remember it clearly.”

Somehow, his voice got through even if she wasn’t truly aware of what he had said. Objectively, she understood that Scott and Logan had been affected by the drug, but it was hard to ignore the emotion Scott’s confession stirred. She needed to get control. Control was her life, it’s what made it possible to block out all the voices, all the thoughts of those around her, and made it possible for her to function. “Sabretooth took that away from Lolo and Scott… He took away their choice and their control.” That thought brought with it a realization, “I need to be there for them.”

She had made a decision. Her heart was breaking into pieces, but she didn’t have time to worry about the pieces that broke for her own tragedy, or her feelings of betrayal. Lolo and Scott needed her, needed her to be in control. She would do that. It’s who she was.

She looked up at Scott and saw his outstretched hand. She took it and smiled. A smile that did not reach her eyes. “I believe you, Scott. My heart is breaking for Lolo and we need to be there for her.” She took a deep breath. “It’s going to be ok Scott. Let’s focus on her.” That’s something she could do. She had a mission now.

After they’d landed back at the base and Logan had been sent off to her room with Kitty and Rogue, Jean decided she needed to see the Professor and brief him on the events of the day. “Has it only been one day?” she mused.

“Charles,” she said as she walked into his study. He was at his desk, reviewing some reports.

“Ah, Jean,” he greeted her. “I am glad you are back. Tell me, how is Logan?”

“She’s pretty shook,” Jean said as she sat heavily in a chair opposite Charles’s desk. “Physically fine, of course, but what he did to her… I just want to cry myself. She’s so strong, but it didn’t matter. It’s always in the back of your mind that it could happen, but…”

“I wish there was some right thing to say at this point,” said Charles, sounding tired. “But there really isn’t. I do believe that she is very tough and resilient mentally, maybe not to the same level as she is physically. But I would like to believe she can heal from this, in time. Not ‘good as new’ like she can physically, but as a whole person. Though I don’t minimize or trivialize the challenge. A challenge that you are probably best able to help her with Jean.”

“Me? No, I’m too close. I’ll be there for her, but I can’t be her therapist.” She felt like she was barely holding herself together as it was. An image of Scott and Logan intertwined flashed in her mind. “Control. I have to be in control for them.”

“Jean, I don’t think what she needs most is therapy. She needs love and connection. You know her past. Her first instinct is going to be to cut herself off. Tell me, what have you done for her so far? I saw Kitty and Rogue escort her off the jet, what did you tell them?”

“I told them what I knew and that they are to stay with her. I want someone touching her at all times, preferably talking and trying to get her to talk.”

“I think that is an excellent approach, Jean,” said Charles. “She’s very lucky to have you in her life.”

The phrasing of that statement triggered a memory for Jean. “Actually Charles, that reminds me of the saddest thing.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” she said, looking off as she remembered the vision she had tapped into with Einfluss. “The mutant we saw leaving Sabretooth’s base… She contacted someone else.”

“Hank mentioned something about that, but he spent most of our conversation focused on the cloaking used by her ship. I finally had to send him to the med bay to see to Ororo and Don. He’d still be here telling me about light wavelengths otherwise. So who is it that she contacted? Was it Magneto?”

“No, it was someone she knew very well. Someone she loved and had lost, or pushed away. It was a French woman; I didn’t recognize her. But she was also the one who sent her to Sabretooth and told her that she couldn’t allow herself to be captured. But she never communicated what that mission was. When she crashed on purpose, they were together, mentally. The regrets and longing they felt...”

“How did you listen in?”

“Einfluss was a telepath, but untrained. I tapped in.”

“Einfluss? Since that is German for influence, I assume that wasn’t the French woman? Did you get her name as well?”

“No,” said Jean. “I didn’t. But I think I can still feel the connection. I might be able to gather more information.”

“Excellent. But for now, let’s focus on Logan. I’ll communicate this development to Captain Andrew’s command. We’ll come up with a list of what to probe for. We don’t know how long, nor how well this link will work, so it’s probably best to have a plan in place.”

“Ok, that’s fine. I think I’m going to go down to the med bay first. Lolo’s going to want to know how Ororo and Don are doing sooner or later.”

“That sounds like a good idea. Please let me know if there are any developments. I am placing our friend in your hands, Jean, but I am here every step of the way. In whatever capacity I can help - colleague, confessor, mentor, friend, however I can help you… and her. I trust you and will be as hands-off or hands-on as you deem fit.”

“Thank you Charles,” she said as she reached the door and turned to smile at him. “We’ll get her through this.”

As Jean passed through the main hallway she saw a familiar figure at the garden doorway. Scott was standing there with one arm bracing himself against the wall and his other holding his head as he appeared to stare at a point about 10 feet in front of him on the patio. His uniform was unzipped just past his chest and the upper portion of his uniform hung down his back.

“Scott, honey? You ok?” she asked quietly as she walked up behind him.

He stood up immediately and turned to look at her. “Yeah. I’m fine. He never really even touched me. Well, his head did. But I’m fine.”

“Scott, you were shot with that drug. You said you were forced against your will…” She wasn’t sure if she was talking about the fact that the drug might have lingering effects or the fact that it had led to him having sex with Logan.

“Jean, I’m fine. The drug was just a temporary effect. I’m back to normal.”

“Control. I need to be in control and be there for them. Focus on that.” She swallowed hard and fought back the tears from the tumult of emotions flowing through her. “Please honey. I’m not saying you’re not fine. But could I ask you, what exactly did the drug do?”

Scott looked up at a point just above Jean’s head. He didn’t answer for almost a minute. At first, Jean thought he was being stubborn. Then she realized that he was trembling almost imperceptibly. She waited.

“It…” Scott swallowed and tried again. “It made me like an animal. Not just act like an animal, I was an animal. It took away all my control, any sense of who I am. I was just base emotions.”

Jean felt like an icicle had just been jabbed into her heart, she knew how much control meant to Scott. She was devastated for him. Control was something that they had in common and that they understood implicitly about each other. She knew this went to the very core of who he was. She reached over and put her hand on his cheek. “Do you want me to go over it with you? Help you through the memory? I can be with you and keep you safe?”

Scott paused again but then shook his head. “No. Not yet. I’m not ready to deal with all of it yet. And, I love you, but especially with you. To have you see me that way…”

“Ok, I can see that. But you need to start talking about it. Can I ask you to talk to someone?”

“Who?”

“Father Ken, he’s a priest and a licensed counselor. I trust him completely. He takes my confessions.”

“Jean, I’m not…”

“I’m not asking you to do something religious, just talk to him. Will you do that? For me?”

“I will,” he said, nodding.

“Today?”

“Jean… Ok, yes. Today. How do I get in touch with him?”

Jean kissed him and went over to one of the desks and wrote down Father Ken’s information. She needed to find a way to frame this for him… and for herself. Then she had an idea. When she put the note with the information in his hand she said, “I don’t know all that happened in that room, but remember that you did the one thing I asked you to do. You brought the two most precious things in the whole world back to me. You and Lolo. For that I love you. Nothing that happened in that room will change that.”

Scott wished more than anything that he could believe that.

At that moment, Jean believed it. Mostly.

When Jean got to Logan’s room to relieve Kitty and Rogue she found Rogue pacing the hallway.

“Anna Marie, everything ok?” asked Jean.

“Ah’m just not handling this too well. Ah am so afraid Ah’m gonna touch her. Kitty’s all cuddled up to her the whole time and Ah jus’ cain’t. So Ah jus’ sit there feelin’ as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe.”

Jean put her hand on Rogue’s shoulder. “Anna Marie, it’s ok. We just want her to have someone with her, some human contact. It doesn’t have to be physical. Plus, you’re completely covered up except your face.”

“Ah know, Ah’m just panicked.”

“How is she?” asked Jean to change the subject.

“Pretty much the same. ‘Bout as talkative as a turnip. Mostly layin’ there.”

Jean nodded. “I’ll stay with her tonight. Can you come back after breakfast tomorrow?”

Rogue took a moment but nodded. “Sure, Ah can do that. Ah’ll see y’all then.”

“Good night,” said Jean as she entered. Kitty and Logan were both lying on the bed, above the covers. At some point, Logan had changed into one of her looser training outfits. Jean felt her heart swell with love and concern for Logan, but it was hard to keep her mind from slipping towards thoughts of her and Scott… “Control. I need to be there for them.” Her new mantra helping, but not completely settling the emotions threatening to burst forth.

Kitty was curled up against Logan’s back, asleep. Logan, however, was awake and staring at the wall of her room.

“She just passed out,” Logan said quietly. “She’s a good kid, been trying to keep my spirits up.”

“Good,” said Jean. “Mostly by talking your ear off?”

“So many words,” said Logan in a voice just above a whisper.

Jean went over to lightly shake Kitty. “Hey sis, I’m here now.”

Kitty blinked a few times and sat up. “Uhh, sorry Jean, I guess I fell asleep.”

Jean smiled, “You did great. Can you meet me back here tomorrow morning before breakfast?”

Kitty nodded and bent back down to hug Logan and kiss her cheek. “I love you Lolo.”

Logan didn’t move except to put her hand on Kitty’s arm during the hug. “I love you too kiddo. Good night.”

Once Kitty was gone, Jean sat on the bed. “Do you want to hear how Don and Ororo are?”

Logan nodded her head and sat up. She crossed her arms over her breasts and looked Jean in the eye, but Jean could see that she still looked haunted and tears were not far away. Jean’s heart jumped in her chest, she felt so much love for this woman and ached for her pain.

“Both of them are fine. Ororo is awake, barely. Hank says it will take a while for the effects of such a long suspension to wear off. Probably a couple days. A side effect of the suspension is a buildup of lactic acid in the muscles, so she’ll be sore, but she’s perfectly healthy. Don is still unconscious. Hank says it’s not due to injury and except for a couple of minor contusions, he is unharmed. Apparently, the mutant we encountered placed him under and left a lingering command to stay unconscious. Charles is bringing him out, but wants to be careful.”

Logan just nodded slightly.

“Lolo honey, after he’s awake, do you want me to tell Don what happened?”

Logan paused before answering, “Just not…”

It took Jean a moment. Then a chill ran through her. “You and Scott?”

Logan nodded again and then curled up in a ball on her side.

Jean went over to Logan’s dresser and found an old T-shirt and changed into that before climbing into bed and spooning up against Logan and hugging her around the waist. Logan’s only response was to put her own arms atop Jean’s and intertwine the fingers of her left hand with Jean’s. Such a simple gesture, but one that melted Jean’s heart. Jean inhaled the scent of Logan’s hair and fell asleep as Logan’s slow, even breathing and her new mantra soon lulled her to sleep.

>>X<<

“Don, is it Ok if we join you?” Jean and Kitty were standing at Don’s table in the cafeteria.

“Of course,” he said, gesturing to the seats across from him.

“Please,” Don said. “Tell me how Lolo is? Hank said she’s fine, but he wouldn’t tell me anything more.”

“She’s…,” Jean started.

“She’s totally crushed and not talking hardly at all… No thanks to you,” said Kitty, leaning towards Don and starting to raise her voice.

“Kitty!” said Jean, putting an arm out in front of her as if to block her from launching across the table at Don.

“It’s Ok, Jean,” he said. “I deserved that.”

“Still,” said Jean, looking at Kitty for a second, before turning back to Don. “It’s not helping anyone to start trying to place blame or over-dramatize things.”

Kitty sat back and crossed her arms, pouting. But she continued to glare at Don.

“So, Lolo wanted us to fill you in on what happened,” said Jean..”How much do you know already?”

“Well, when I went to check on that other ship, I think Lolo and Scott were still trying to reach their flanking positions. I never saw how I got jumped, but I woke up in the med bay here, with the Professor and Dr. McCoy. They told me that Storm had been rescued and that Sabretooth and his entire security force had been killed. They also told me which of my fellow team members had been killed - Martinez, Smith, Roth, and Peyton.” Don paused for a moment.

“I’m very sorry Don. Did you know them well?’ asked Jean.

“No, but it doesn’t really make it easy, losing someone who fought beside you, even briefly. I was joking with them just a little while ago, and now they’re gone.” There was a moment where everyone just paused to think about the stakes of what they all did before Don shook his head slowly and continued. “Like I said, Hank told me that Lolo is fine… He said, ‘She is physically well, but I fear emotionally quite challenged’, which drove me nuts. The Professor said she had a tough battle with Sabretooth and she was the one who killed him. So, I’m out of my mind with worry. Please, tell me what happened?”

Jean and Kitty told Don what they knew of the events from the brief bits Logan and Scott had told them, alternating as each one got a little emotional. Logan hadn’t told them many details of the rape and definitely hadn’t told them what she was thinking during all of the mission, the rape, and sex with Scott, but what they knew was still pretty emotionally charged. When they got to the point where Scott showed up, Jean took over the narrative.

“So, when Sabretooth got distracted and tried to attack Scott, Lolo was able to sever his spinal column and cut off his head. Scott blasted it until there was nothing left but adamantium.” Kitty, who by this point knew about the sex with Scott, looked at her, wondering why Jean had edited the story but didn’t say anything.

Don just sat there numbly staring at the tabletop. He’d swallowed hard when he heard that Sabretooth had threatened him in order to force Logan to allow the drug to be injected. “So, he’s definitely going to stay dead? I thought that adamantium couldn’t be cut?”

“Yes, he’s dead,” Jean said. “And no, adamantium can’t be cut, but he only had it around his bones, not between them. Somehow Lolo was able to get her blades to pass exactly between the c3 and c4 vertebrae and sever the spinal column.” She shook her head. “There’s not much else that would have killed him.”

Don nodded slowly a few times. “Can I see her?”

Jean shook her head slowly but maintained eye contact with Don. “Not yet. She’s dealing with a lot and she wants a little more time.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know. It’s not an exact process.”

“That’s convenient isn’t it? Keeping her to yourself?” Don started to raise his voice.

“Don, that’s not what’s happening,” said Jean evenly. “We’re all hurting and all trying to do the best we can to hold it together. No one is getting any joy out of this.”

Don looked up at the ceiling and took a long, deep breath. “I’m sorry Jean, that was frustration, not jealousy. Knowing she’s hurting is hard enough, but knowing that I caused it is even worse.”

“Don,” said Jean emphasizing her words. “You did not cause it. Sabretooth was 100 percent the cause. Blaming yourself isn’t going to help. Wallowing in guilt isn’t the answer. Neither is lashing out in frustration or anger.” She paused. “But it’s part of the reason why you need to give her some time. And give yourself some time.”

Don had no response. He just stared at the tabletop.

After a few moments, Jean said, “Just think about it. I know she cares about you a lot and you care about her. We all just want what’s best for Lolo.” She moved to get up. “C’mon Kitty, let’s go relieve Anna Marie.”

>>X<<

Logan had taken advantage of the fact that Rogue was keeping her company to take a shower, knowing that Kitty might have just joined her “sister” out of concern, and Jean definitely would and she really needed a moment alone. That moment had lasted about 30 minutes so far, and Logan had been sitting in a ball under the stream of scalding hot water for nearly all of it.

She woke up that morning without really remembering any of her dreams. Based on how sweaty she was, she was pretty sure they’d been intense, and probably violent. There’d also been some dried residue in her panties and a scent that indicated there’d been some that were sexual. She was quite certain they were about Scott. Even if she didn’t remember clearly, it just seemed right. Either way, she desperately needed a shower and a distraction.

At first, the shower had been the perfect distraction. She had scrubbed herself until her skin was pink and practically glowing, like her shower after the rape. It just seemed like nothing could get her clean. But then she’d started wondering about her dreams.

An image of Sabretooth’s head tumbling through the air flashed in her mind. Probably from last night’s dreams, since she was pretty sure she hadn’t seen it from that angle when it happened.

She wondered about the sexual dreams. Were they of Scott roughly fucking her? Of course, not all of it had been rough. When he’d taken her right nipple into his mouth, he’d been almost gentle.

She touched her breast as she remembered. It was as if she could feel his tongue running over the nipple again as he pushed it into the flesh of her breast. Her hand emulated the actions of Scott’s tongue and her other hand slid down her belly and began to slide over her mons and towards her labia. The nipple began to get crinkly and engorge with blood in reaction to her hand, unlike when her hand had been scrubbing her breasts just moments earlier.

She pictured Scott’s face as he bent down to kiss her. She bit her lip as she remembered and her finger slipped between her outer labia. The hot water running over her body wasn’t very slippery, but she pushed in until she encountered her own growing wetness. Her lubrication made it easier to slide her finger. She thought of Scott’s cock, pounding into her, much harder than he ever had in all the other times they had made love.

Wait, he'd never made love to her before yesterday. That was Jean’s memory. She wasn’t Jean.

Those memories weren’t hers. Scott wasn’t hers… still. Even if he felt like her mate.

She immediately pulled her hands away from her breast and her vulva as if she’d been stung. A chill ran over her and she turned the hot water all the way up.

“What is wrong with me?”

That’s when she had curled herself into a ball, sitting under the spray and just staring at the shower wall. She sat there for nearly half an hour.

“Sugah, you ok in there?” called Rogue, knocking on the door.

“Yeah, fine,” Logan called back.

“Sorry, sugah, that dog won’t hunt. Y’all been in there too long for everything to be fine.”

Logan stood and ran her hand through her hair to pull it back from in front of her face. An idle thought running through her mind, “Weird that my healing factor doesn’t keep my eyes from getting red and puffy when I cry, but my fingers don’t get wrinkled like I remember from Jean’s life.”

She turned off the water and stepped out. “Well, at least I’m clean… on the outside anyway.”

>>X<<

“Hello, this is Father Ken.”

“Uhh, hello Father Ken, my name is Scott Summers. My, uhh girlfriend, Jean Grey thought I should give you a call.”

“Well, Scott, it is very nice to hear from you. I know Jean quite well. She has mentioned you. Is this about learning more about the faith, or something else?”

“It’s about something else. Is that ok?”

“Of course Scott. Is it ok if I call you Scott?”

“Yes, that’s fine Father. Umm, this would be confidential, right? I mean you can’t talk about what someone confesses, right?”

Father Ken laughed lightly, but it was a rich, friendly laugh. “Scott, are you Catholic?”

“No, Father. I didn’t…”

“Don’t worry, I was just checking. I think Jean was suggesting we talk, not have you confess. I would still keep it confidential, even from Jean, just so you know. And I think it might be best if we continue this in person. But I have to ask, is there a reason you think you need to confess?”

It took Scott a while to answer. Just before Father Ken could ask if he was still there, Scott answered, “Actually Father, I think I do.”

>>X<<

“Can I see her now?” asked Don.

“Don,” said Jean with a sigh. “I’m sure she will want to see you, but you really should wait. This isn’t a good time for her to be making any decisions, so it might not go how you hope.”

“Look, I know I screwed up, but I can’t just sit around while she’s hurting…”

“You both should know,” came Logan’s voice from the room. Jean and Don were in the hallway, with the door closed and had been speaking quietly. “I can hear you just fine. Let him come in Jean. I need to talk to him.”

Jean moved out of Don’s way.

Logan was sitting up in bed, propped up by several pillows with Kitty next to her, holding her hand. Logan was wearing one of her old T-shirts, just like Jean had worn to bed last night over a pair of leggings. The shirt hung on her. “It’s ok kiddo. You can go. I need to talk to Don.”

Kitty got up and kissed Logan on the cheek. “Jean and I will be right outside sis.” She glared at Don as she left. Logan also got off the bed to stand next to it, keeping a dozen feet between them.

“I guess she’s not the only one unhappy with me,” said Don as Kitty closed the door.

“No, she’s not.”

Don stood there awkwardly for a few seconds. “God, she looks so young standing there in that oversized shirt and no makeup. So vulnerable. So why am I the one who’s terrified?” he thought.

“I don’t have an excuse for not listening to you… for what happened,” Don started after a moment. “I am truly sorry, but I know that doesn’t change anything. I just want to know if there’s anything I can do to…” He ran out of steam at that point.

Logan crossed her arms to control a slight tremble that set her braless breasts moving disconcertingly and looked down, one finger tapping on her arm. “I think,” she finally said, looking up, her green eyes boring intently into Don’s. “What you can do is go away.”

Don looked like he’d been struck. “So that’s it?”

“No, wait. That was harsh and not really what I meant. I’m trying to control my emotions. What I mean is that, like Jean said, this isn’t a time for me to be making any major decisions. And you are a very major decision for me. So I need you to give me some space and not force me to decide anything before I’m ready.”

Don felt tears in his eyes for the first time in many years. He felt equal parts hurt and hopeful. “I guess I can do that. But how will I know when you’re ready?”

“I will tell you.”

“But if I’m not here…”

“Don, I will find you, wherever you are, and tell you when I’m ready. Then we can talk.”

Don hesitated.

“I promise,” she said with just a little force. “I will find you. We will talk.”

“Do you really think it might be possible…?”

“Don, this is why you need to leave.”

“Ok. I guess I can see that. I’ll let the Professor know and set up…”

“No Don. It needs to be now.”

Swallowing hard, Don turned and left the room.

Kitty and Jean rushed in as soon as he left to find Logan back on the bed, sobbing quietly into her hands.

>>X<<

“Lolo, it’s ok. You did the right thing,” said Jean holding an inconsolable Logan. She was on the bed now, with Logan collapsed against her and Kitty behind Logan looking a little lost and very concerned. They had been in this position for several minutes. Logan had managed to tell them between sobs that she had sent Don away.

“Jean, did you see how sad he was?” sobbed Logan. “I was so cold to him! Why did I do that?” Logan broke down on Jean’s shoulder again as Kitty rubbed Logan’s back and looked like she was going to cry herself.

“Lolo,” said Kitty. “You said yourself that it was a bad time to make a decision and he should give you some space. It’s just for a little while.”

Logan raised her tear-streaked face and turned to look at Kitty. “But I didn’t kiss him goodbye.” Her face screwed up in anguish. “I didn’t even touch him!”

“Honey,” said Jean.

“I made a mistake,” said Logan starting to get up from the bed. “I have to go kiss him goodbye, or maybe…”

“Lolo,” Jean said, more sternly.

Logan continued to get off the bed.

“LOGAN!” Jean reinforced her exclamation with a psychic one.

Logan stopped and turned to her, looking like she’d been slapped.

“Lolo, my love,” said Jean. “Kitty is right. You did the right thing and Don will understand. When you are ready to have a conversation about what you want and how he figures into your life then you can go find him and have that conversation. But for now you need space.”

“But what if he doesn’t wait?”

“Honey, that man will wait for you. Trust me. No one is going to give up on you.”

>>X<<

Don walked as if he was in a daze to the helipad. He sat there for several minutes before using one of the phones to call for a pickup. It was while he was waiting that Scott found him.

“Captain,” Scott said as he walked up to where Don was standing, staring off at the horizon.

“Scott.”

“Are you heading back to check in? I'm taking the mini X-jet, I could give you a ride.”

“Thanks, Scott, but no. I have a ride, should be here soon. Actually, I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” Don paused and Scott gave him a moment, seeing that there was definitely something bothering him. “Lolo asked me to leave.”

“Oh,” said Scott. “Did she tell you why?” Scott wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or concerned. But he did know that it had caused a strong reaction, which he tried to suppress.

“She didn’t have to. I screwed up. I put her and the whole mission in jeopardy.”

“Don, hold on. What did she actually tell you?”

“What difference does it make?”

“Trust me,” Scott said with a sardonic smile. “With strong women like Logan and Jean, it matters what they said and not what we think they meant. A lot.”

“She said she didn’t want to be forced to make any big decisions right now, so I needed to leave and give her some space. Which is probably just a nice way of breaking things off without a big, drawn-out scene.’

“You know, I’ve known Logan for a while now. That doesn’t really sound like her. Even before… Are you sure that’s all she said?”

“Well, she said she’d come find me when she was ready. But if I have to wait until she’s already made up her mind…”

“Did she say she’d tell you what she had decided or that you’d talk?”

“Uhh, talk I guess. But what if she decides it’s easier to just put it off or if I’m on assignment somewhere and she can’t find me? Or decides she doesn’t want to…. You know, hoping I’d move on?”

“First, is there any chance you would move on?”

“No. There’s no moving on from Lolo.”

“Good. Because one thing you need to understand.” Scott put his hand on Don’s shoulder. “I have never met a person for whom honor was so important. If she says she will find you when it is time and that you will talk, then you can be absolutely certain that nothing in the universe will stop her. I would bet my life on her promise. I have.”

While Scott felt like his admiration for Logan had actually grown during this discussion, he found it best to just talk about her objectively and not focus on how he felt. He was helping solve a problem, and that helped him feel less conflicted.

Don nodded. “Ok, thank you. I’ll find a way to come to terms with it. Probably a good lesson for me. If I had trusted her judgment in the first place, this never would have happened.’

“Don, I don’t think you can take full responsibility for everything that happened. We all might want to go back and change a decision or something we did or didn’t do, but we have no idea how things would have turned out. Maybe they’d have been worse. She knows that.” Scott paused for a moment and let Don try to absorb that. “But I think basically, you’re right. You need to trust her and you need to make her believe she can trust you.” Scott noted the irony of that statement and how it applied to him just as much.

Don nodded again. “I don’t really know what happened in that room. Not the details anyway… You were there; you even helped her defeat Sabretooth from what I hear. Can you tell me?”

Scott really didn’t want to tell Don the details of what had happened. “It’s not really my story to tell. What do you know?”

“From what Jean and Kitty told me, Lolo and you were moving to flank Sabretooth and find Storm when he got the drop on her and killed Martinez and Smith. She fought him and was winning, but he got away and…” Don swallowed hard and looked up at the sky for a moment before continuing. “And then he pulled my unconscious body out of that room and threatened to hurt me if Lolo didn’t let him inject her with some crazy drug. Then… then he raped her. At some point, you found them and the two of you were able to defeat him.”

“What more do you want to know?”

Don took a moment to answer. “I guess I hope she’ll tell me exactly what happened in that room before you found them.”

“You mean the rape?” Scott definitely did not want to mention that he and Logan had sex, even if it was due to the drug. He decided to address something he’d been thinking about. “Sometimes we need to ask ourselves why we want to know the details of someone’s most intimate pain. Do you think the details will help Logan or you? And how would they help? Is it that you aren’t sure you would approve of her every thought? Or maybe you want to punish yourself further for what happened to her? I don’t see how that would help. You know, trust and faith shouldn’t require verification and I don’t think she needs you to punish yourself.”

“Huh,” said Don after a moment. He looked down at the ground as he considered what Scott had said. Slowly he began to nod.

The chopper was starting to land at that point. “Thanks, Scott,” said Don. “I don’t really think I’ve been thinking too clearly. Mostly reacting out of panic... You’re a good friend. Could you do one more thing for me?”

“Of course.”

“Look after her? She cares about you a lot and I know it would mean a lot to her if she knew you were there for her. Like you have been for me just now.”

Scott had a momentary flash of himself standing with his arm around Logan. They were gazing at a room where two children were playing. One, a dark-haired little girl of about 5, had lined up several dolls for a tea party. In his vision, Logan laid her head on Scott’s shoulder and looked up at him and smiled. The other child, a boy was slightly older and was wearing sunglasses, which he lifted up, allowing a red beam to blast one of the girl’s dolls. The little girl reacted by revealing claws and snarling.

“Kids,” said Logan in his dream. “No fighting. Your father has told you a hundred times…”

Then the image changed and he was making love to Logan, but she was obviously pregnant. She looked up at him lovingly for a moment, but then her expression changed. Her face clouded in anger and her feet moved to his shoulders and pushed him off. The vision faded out as he pictured Logan walking away from him, her fist raised and her middle claw extended.

“I’m not sure you’re right about that,” Scott said, shaking his head in denial and to clear the vision from his mind. “Our relationship has always been.... complicated. I’m probably the last person she wants around.”

“Well, let’s just say that I have reason to believe you are wrong. I know she may be the toughest, deadliest person on the planet, but she also has the most open heart…”

“Don’t worry Don. I will be there for her. As much as she’ll let me.”

“I hear that,” said Don with a smile. “And please tell her something for me? Tell her to grab on if happiness finds her and never let go.”

Don felt like he may have sent the woman he loved into the arms of another man. But her happiness meant more to him than anything in this world. Still, he suspected there were more than a few drunken nights in his future.

Scott felt like he suddenly had a lot more to discuss with Father Ken.

>>X<<

That night, as Logan and Jean got ready for bed, Logan stripped off all of her clothes before she climbed in and got under the covers.

Jean raised an eyebrow, but also got naked and climbed into bed. Once she was under the covers, Logan slid over and snuggled up against Jean, squirming a little as she tried to get maximum skin contact. Once she was satisfied, she tilted her head to offer her lips for a kiss, which Jean happily gave her. Not a kiss full of passion, but still very much a kiss between lovers.

Logan put her head under Jean’s chin and pulled herself against Jean. Jean stroked her back for several minutes. Having Logan in her arms filled up a part of her that felt like it had been damaged when she heard about Scott and Logan having sex. This vulnerable, loving woman in her arms meant more to her than her own life. So did Scott. She needed to do something more than just offer support and advice, she needed to connect with Logan and she thought maybe Logan needed it too.

“Lolo?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I make love to you? You could control the psionic cock, I mean it’s yours, or it’s based on yours. If you need to take the dominant role, I wouldn’t mind that. I just want to show you how much I love you. But whatever you want. We can just snuggle.”

Logan thought about it, adding it to all the other thoughts, fears, hurts, and recriminations that had bombarded her since she left Scott… and that room. Her thoughts were swirling and chaotic, but gradually some sense began to form as she tried to answer Jean… and herself.

“Do I want my cock back?”

“Do I ever want to be the dominant one?”

Ever since her first transformation, she had pretty much avoided really examining her feelings. She had, like always, just accepted who she was and moved on. She’d definitely been happier as a woman until… Sabretooth. She had found love with Jean and with Don and a true sense of family and belonging after her initial transformation that had eluded her even as the X-Men had welcomed her into their ranks.

Now, Sabretooth had changed all that. He had taken advantage of her womanhood to find a new way to assault her, to try to dominate her. It seemed like everything had changed and she felt so uncertain. She had been comfortable being the submissive one in her relationships as a woman and that felt tainted now.

But Sabretooth hadn’t received her submission, her permission, he just tricked her and forced her. Was it really even domination, or was that an illusion? If it was an illusion, was she the one being deluded or was Sabretooth? From what she knew of Sabretooth, the attack wasn’t motivated by lust or entitlement, it was fueled by hatred. The same hatred that had fueled every other attack. A hatred she never understood. Was adding genitals to the attack taking something from her that fists and claws had not?

Would it be cathartic to be the dominant one once again?

No, she decided. “I won’t let him change me.” She didn’t want to be the dominant one. Ever. “And that’s my choice.”

But could he really change anything? Or was she the one allowing him to change things? Sabretooth had savagely beaten her numerous times, often surprising her or taking advantage of a weak moment. She had never felt like a victim those times. Instead, she had fought back and vowed revenge. What, really, was different this time? Did the fact that he violated her, that he nearly took her to be his slave, his sex slave, make her any more of a victim?

No, she decided. “I refuse to see myself as a victim. It doesn’t matter what he was trying to do, I am not a victim.”

Did she miss having a cock, or being a man? She hadn’t felt like she missed it at all after her last transformation. In fact, she’d felt relieved when she couldn’t turn back into her male template. Was that just the “Jean” part of her? Was there a part of her that missed it? After all, Sabretooth was a lot less likely to violate her if she was male and there’s no way that there’d have been a possibility of having his babies.

“That’s a vile thought, getting pregnant by him.”

But she was certain. She wanted to be a woman. It’s not something she would have sought out or that would have even occurred to her when she was male, but whether it was due to her integration with Jean’s memories or just how much more alive she felt, it was who she was now. As long as she had Jean’s love and the acceptance of those she loved she would never want to go back, no matter what the cost. And, of course, there was still Don and the possibilities of a life with him.

She pushed thoughts of Scott away. She didn’t want to think about how she felt bonded to him now. Even more bonded than she had with the memories she had from Jean’s life. “I need to focus on something else. I can’t be with Scott. I can’t do that to Jean. I love her too much. I need to show her before she finds out how I betrayed her...”

Logan realized that she had been kissing Jean’s neck for some time now. She raised one of her hands to take Jean’s breast. She cupped it and pressed in, swirling it beneath her hand and tweaking the nipple. She lifted her face to look at Jean, whose eyes were already a little unfocused.

Logan shook her head slowly. “No my love, I don’t ever want to dominate someone I love, not when I’m showing them how much I love them. And I really don’t think I ever want to have a cock again, at least not one I’m controlling,” she said with a slight smile.

Jean kissed her tenderly and held her face close, her eyes searching Logan’s as if she was trying to see the hurt behind them. “As long as I can show you how much I love you.”

“Then,” said Logan. “Let’s have it be just us. No invisible dildos or magic fingers. Just you and me.” She kissed Jean who rolled them onto their side and placed her hand over one of Logan’s breasts.

They spent several minutes kneading each other’s breasts and kissing. Logan felt as if her heart was going to burst as Jean’s lips slid against hers and her tongue pressed into Logan’s mouth to slide along her own tongue. Then, with several smacking sounds, Jean began to kiss her way down Logan’s chin.

Logan responded by kissing Jean’s neck, who hummed in appreciation. But Jean kept moving downwards, kissing her way, inch by inch towards Logan’s breast. Logan kissed whatever she could reach with gentle sucking kisses that dragged her lips wetly across Jean’s skin.

When Jean took Logan’s breast in her hand and lowered her mouth towards Logan’s nipple, Logan quickly moved to take one of Jean’s areolas into her mouth and suck firmly while pressing her tongue into the nipple. Jean let out an involuntary moan. “Minx,” she said.

Jean then took as much of Logan’s breast into her mouth as she could and let it slip slowly from between her full lips until only the nipple was in her mouth. She clamped her lips firmly on the nipple and pulled back slightly. Logan began squirming and whimpering into the flesh of Jean’s breasts in response.

Jean took advantage of the situation to roll Logan onto her back and grasp Logan’s other breast. Jean raised herself up until she was hovering above Logan. Logan scooted herself so that she wouldn’t lose contact with Jean’s breast, continuing to suck and lick at the nipple. She managed to capture Jean’s other breast in her free hand.

Jean began stroking one breast lightly and teasingly all around the swell of the breast and then across the areola before gathering the flesh all around the nipple in a soft pinch and allowing it to slip between her thumb and index finger. At the same time, she pressed her tongue directly down onto the other nipple, which seemed to be fighting against the pressure as it grew harder.

Logan’s attempts to provide Jean’s breasts with similar attention became somewhat ragged as she was losing control. She began running the fingers of her free hand along Jean’s side. She lightly traced her fingers up Jean’s waist and along the outside of her stomach, even as her own breathing came in gulps and gasps in between sucking on Jean’s breast.

Jean squirmed at the tickling sensations and let Logan’s nipple slip from her mouth. “Oh, you are so bad,” she said. Jean switched to Logan’s other nipple and used the wetness of the nipple she had been sucking on to make it easier to pull it between her fingers and have it slip through smoothly. At the same time, Jean began sucking and flicking the tip of Logan’s nipple in time with her pulls on the other nipple.

Logan’s hands both grasped the sheets and Jean’s breast slipped from her mouth as she gasped in response. Jean chuckled deep in her throat and began to kiss her way down Logan’s belly to her vulva with wet sucking kisses, similar to what Logan had been doing earlier.

Logan did the best she could to keep up, but when Jean reached her vulva and added tongue swirls to her kisses, Logan again had to grab fistfuls of sheets. She both cursed and blessed her mutant healing factor for deciding that area needed to be a much more sensitive erogenous zone.

When Jean positioned her knees on either side of Logan’s head in preparation to provide some loving attention to Logan’s pussy, the strong scent of Jean’s arousal invaded Logan’s awareness. She opened her eyes to see Jean's labia already engorged and glistening bits of wetness peeking out from the inner labia as she shifted. Logan moved her head up between Jean’s legs and kissed Jean’s labia as if they were actual lips, running her tongue along the folds to capture the wetness she had seen there.

Jean responded by moaning but quickly moving to thrust her own tongue into Logan’s folds. Logan was even more lubricated than Jean. Jean slid her tongue up and down Logan’s inner labia, then swirled her tongue deep into Logan’s vagina.

Logan made mewling noises into Jean’s pussy but tried to maintain control. With her lips still enveloping and sucking at Jean’s labia she began to run the flat of her tongue across Jean’s engorged clitoral hood, but skipped over the clitoris to then dive down and into her inner lips. She briefly sent her tongue firmly into Jean’s vagina before continuing on to the lower labia folds and then returning to the top. She repeated the motion over and over, establishing a rhythm, but picking up speed.

Jean was whimpering with need and could feel her vaginal walls spasming and her kegel muscles trying to clamp down on Logan’s tongue every time it pressed into her. Meanwhile, she kept up her own onslaught, now swirling her tongue around Logan’s clitoris and lightly up the underside with the back of her tongue. That produced a much higher-pitched mewling from Logan.

Jean could feel herself nearing orgasm and desperately wanted Logan to join her. Her nipples throbbed in time with her racing heart and she could feel her hips bucking with each stroke of Logan’s tongue. She knew that if Logan touched her clitoris, she’d be over the edge. And as much as she wanted to hold off, she couldn’t get her hips to stop trying to move to get the contact that would trigger what felt like a very intense orgasm.

Logan was in heaven, but as she felt her own orgasm approach she suddenly had a vision of Scott above her as he pounded into her. Jean’s tongue pushing into her sensitive vagina for a moment felt like his cock. But before she could surrender herself to the combination of sensation and fantasy, the guilt of what she was imagining hit her and the nearness of her orgasm retreated. She tried to focus back on Jean.

“Lolo baby, I’m so close,” gasped Jean as she paused for a moment. “Please cum with me?”

Logan just shook her head while maintaining her seal on Jean’s pussy. She decided to allow her tongue to just graze the tip of Jean’s clitoris, which was positively vibrating at this point. She continued down the underside of the clitoris lightly, then adding more and more pressure as she slid her tongue up and down its tiny length. Jean came hard, ejaculating lightly as the muscles of her vagina clamped down. Jean let out a cry as her hips pressed down and shuddered against Logan’s head. She grasped the sheets and closed her eyes at the strength of her orgasm.

Eventually, Jean was able to roll off onto her back as she smiled and felt the spasms slow, each feeling like a mini-orgasm wash over her. Logan moved down to that end of the bed to lay on Jean’s chest. Jean idly stroked Logan’s hair as she lay there. She felt like purring.

Logan was still shaken by her flash of vision and the guilt she felt over it. She tried to focus on how wonderful it was to be with Jean and to show her how much she loved her. She pushed away thoughts of guilt, and of Scott, and felt a light tremor pass through her body.

Jean, sensing Logan tremble, looked down curiously. Logan lifted her head and moved up to offer her lips for a kiss. They kissed, with Jean lightly pressing Logan’s head into the kiss and running her fingers through Logan’s thick, glossy tresses. They kissed softly, but lingeringly. Each time one kiss would end, they would both feel an urgent need to start another.

Logan stroked Jean’s side and chest, avoiding her breasts for now, knowing they would be too sensitive, but gradually moving towards them. Jean felt her breathing begin to quicken and her need to connect with Logan reignite. At some point, Logan had moved her hips atop Jean’s right thigh and she was slowly grinding her sensitive vulva and labia against it.

Logan began moving the strokes of her hand closer to Jean’s breasts to see if their sensitivity had climbed back down to the point where she could arouse her without making it uncomfortable. When Jean didn’t object and Logan felt the nipple begin to become erect again, she moved her kisses to Jean’s very sensitive neck.

At this point, Jean noticed Logan’s hips sliding against her thigh. “Mmm, someone didn’t get enough?”

“Shh,” said Logan between light nips on Jean’s neck. “You know the rule on stupid questions.”

Jean chuckled and then gasped as Logan’s hand passed over her breast and her palm just grazed her erect nipple. Logan looked up to verify that it was a gasp of pleasure, not pain. Once she had confirmed that, she began kissing her way down the center of Jean’s chest and sliding herself down Jean’s body. She placed the palm of each hand over Jean’s breasts and gave both a caressing, gentle pressure as she grasped them and pressed into them, giving Jean delightful sensations that did not overwhelm.

“Lolo baby, no,” protested Jean. “Let me have you too.”

Logan looked up from Jean’s tummy and shook her head. “No my love, this is what I need. Please?”

Jean’s only response was to smile.

Logan settled herself between Jean’s thighs and began kissing all around Jean’s labia. Jean began trying to move her hips to get Logan’s mouth to her pussy. Jean’s labia were still wet and puffy with arousal. The scent was heady for Logan and she had trouble not giving in to the response it triggered. She kissed the inner labia where they were peeking out before extending her tongue as far as she could and dragging it from the bottom of Jean’s folds to just below her clitoris. Jean’s hips lifted off the bed a couple of inches and she let out a soft, “Ahhh.”

That began a relentless, but gentle attack on Jean’s labia. Logan would run her tongue firmly up one side and down the other before taking portions of Jean’s inner labia between her lips and pulling them through them while flicking them with her tongue. After a steady rhythm of this, Jean was bucking her hips in time and crying out unintelligible noises of need, and Logan began to thrust her tongue as deep into Jean’s vagina as she could. This drove her upper lip into contact with Jean’s clitoris, providing gentle, delicious pressure.

Each time she did this, Jean would buck her hips twice and cry out. Logan continued, in a steadily increasing rhythm, over and over. The combination of firm, loving attention on her breasts and Logan’s lips and tongue on her pussy had Jean squirming on the bed and not knowing which way to thrust to get the maximum effect. She felt like she was a liquid river of electricity, trying to find just the right way to swell and crest to maximize her pleasure. When Jean began crying out “Lolo, please,” Logan decided it was time and placed her lips around Jean’s clitoral area and lightly sucked, running her tongue up the tiny length of Jean’s clit as if her tongue was a feather. She moved in concert with Jean’s hips, controlling the pressure, slowly it became an insistent, urgent thrust.

Jean, who had been grasping fistfuls of sheets for several minutes, clamped down with nearly every muscle, pulling her knees up towards her head and positively vibrating as she let out a squeak and a guttural cry.

“Ok, ok baby. Ok,” Jean said waving her hand in the air after a few moments.

Logan let go of Jean’s breasts reluctantly and smiled up from between Jean’s legs over the tuft of red hair just inches from her nose, her lips and chin wet with Jean’s fluids. Jean had her eyes closed and was covered in a sheen of sweat. She moved up to join Jean on the pillow but facing her.

Slowly, Jean’s breathing came back under control. She absently pushed her hair off her face and opened her eyes and turned to smile at Logan. “Oh my god baby, that was so wonderful. I love you Lolo.”

“I love you too Jean,” said Logan and kissed her.

After the kiss, their faces stayed inches apart. “Hey,” said Jean. “Do you have any of your cigars?”

“Uggh,” responded Logan, making a face. “They’re starting to make me sick now.”

“Really?” asked Jean. “Is it because of the latest transformation?”

“No. I mean yes, things taste different, but this has been growing. But ever since the X-jet it’s even worse… I went there to have one and get the smell out of my senses, but I just couldn’t stand it. And since then, the thought of one makes me queasy. You can have them if you want.”

“No, it was more about sharing them with you. Although, maybe I will…”

Logan began crying. Quietly at first and then sobbing.

“Lolo, honey, what’s wrong? Was this too soon? I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have pushed,” Jean tried to console Logan, holding her and rocking her as she ugly-cried.

Logan shook her head and finally got out, “No, that’s not it. This was perfect. It was exactly what I needed.” She managed to stop the sobbing and took a deep breath. “Thank you for loving me. I never felt very lovable, even less so now. I don’t deserve it.”

“God Lolo,” Jean said, holding Logan through another bout of ugly-crying, rocking her gently. “Love isn’t about what you deserve, it’s about what you give and who you are. But no one is more deserving than you, and I love you with my whole heart and I always, always will.”

“If only I could believe that,” thought Logan.

The two eventually fell asleep, entangled in each other. That’s how Kitty found them the next morning as she burst into the room with two coffees. “Morning lovebirds, I have coffee just the way you like it,” she chirped.

“Thanks kiddo,” said Logan, who’d already been awake.

“Uggh,” mumbled Jean. “Too perky…” She sat up, just managing to catch the covers before she exposed her breasts and reached out her other hand with her eyes closed and a curtain of red, mussed-up hair curtaining her face. She waved the hand slightly.

Kitty, understanding what Jean wanted, brought her coffee to her and put it in her hand. She also handed the other one to Logan. Jean took several sips while Kitty and Logan just watched her with bemused expressions. “Mmmm,” said Jean. “Sooo good. Thanks, sis.”

Kitty giggled and Logan got up, completely naked, and strode into the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower,” she announced.

Kitty, watching her walk, whispered to Jean, “Is she part jaguar?”

“I heard that,” said Logan in a sing-song voice from the bathroom.

Kitty and Jean both smiled.

Logan poked her head out and asked, “Do you think the cafeteria has ice cream this early? I want, like, a gallon. Of chocolate.”

Kitty said, “Yeah, it’s out, but if you eat a gallon you won’t fit into any of your slinky workout outfits.”

Logan walked back into the bathroom. “Nope,” she said. “Body template. I’ll still look exactly the same.”

Kitty leaned over to Jean. “Is it ok to hate her for that?”

“I do,” said Jean with a smirk. “But let me check.” Jean got up and grabbed a robe before heading into the bathroom.

Kitty looked horrified. “I was just kidding, I love Lolo…”

Jean turned to Kitty and gave her a look that said, “Really?”

Once Jean was in the bathroom, she closed the door and joined Logan in the shower. She stood at the back and watched appreciatively as Logan lathered her body. “So,” Jean said. “You seem to be doing better?”

Logan leaned over and kissed Jean lightly on the lips, some suds falling from her breasts onto Jean’s foot, distractingly. “Yeah, last night really helped me put some things into perspective and remind me that Sabretooth can only change my life to the degree I allow it.”

“Wow,” said Jean. “That’s quite a revelation for one night.”

“I know. It really helped that you and Kitty and Anna Marie made sure that I was reminded of what I have. But now I think I need to get out of this room and start interacting again.”

“You don’t have to rush anything baby.”

Logan came over to Jean. In the shower, she seemed even shorter than usual. She put her arms around Jean and pressed her wet body up against Jean and presented her lips for a kiss.

Both were extremely clean when they emerged from the bathroom 20 minutes later.

“God, you two,” said Kitty when they finally came out. “I’m literally starving. Can we go soon?”

Logan chuckled as she slipped on her training outfit and went to the mirror to put on her face. She decided to try going pretty much fresh-faced since she was headed to the Danger Room afterward. Just a little color on her lids, something to make her eyes pop and lipstick. As she applied her mascara she asked, “Hey kiddo, do you think you could help me with a Danger Room session after breakfast? I need to blow off some steam.”

Kitty looked at Jean, who stopped while applying her own makeup and nodded her ok. “Uhh, sure Lolo. You’re not going to do a Sabretooth session are you?”

Logan stopped, her eyeliner in hand, and turned to look at Kitty blankly. “Why would I do that? He’s dead. There’s no point in training to fight him.”

Jean said, “Are you sure this is a good idea? You’re just getting to a point where you’re seeing some positives. Maybe it still isn’t time to start trying to find situations you need to cope with?”

Logan finished putting on her lipstick and said, “Jean, I remember all of the same psychology classes and seminars that you do. I know what I need to watch for: poor decision making, impulse control issues, depression, self-destructive behaviors… I sent Don away rather than make any decisions now and I’m not planning to do anything self-destructive ‘cause I know how special what I have really is. And holing up in this room looks more like depression to me than getting out and interacting.”

Jean stared at her with her arms crossed. “You know I’m just worried about you?”

Logan crossed over to Jean and put her hand on one of Jean’s arms. “I’m a big girl. I know I’ve got big problems, but I need to start dealing with them. And you need to let me.”

“Lolo,” said Jean. “It’s been less than two days. There’s no way you’re fully over this.”

“I didn’t say I was over it. Just that I need to start dealing with it. I’ll be careful.”

Jean finally nodded. “But don’t try to be a hero and handle everything on your own. You have people who love you and want to help.”

“I know. I mean, it's not like I'm a guy,” she smirked.

“If that’s settled,” said Kitty. “Can we eat now, before I pass out?”

Jean and Logan laughed and Logan grabbed her exercise bag and makeup kit so she could go directly to the Danger Room after breakfast. She caught her reflection in the mirror and decided she needed a different look, one not based on what Jean did. Something dramatic, not the currently popular smoky eye and neutral lip that looked so great on Jean. She remembered an Asian girl that she’d been… Jean had been jealous of because she knew Scott found her very attractive, all cheekbones, incredible eyes and earth tones with a bold lip. Maybe that was a look for her?

“Now if I can just avoid Scott I can probably avoid the whole ‘impulse control’ issue,” she thought as she closed the door.

>>X<<

A tall figure wearing a hooded cloak with a red scarf over her lower face entered an apartment in Washington D.C.. Once she was inside, she pulled back the hood to reveal long raven black hair. She removed the scarf to further reveal horrible scarring on her face, above deep blue eyes rimmed with red. She had obviously been crying. The scars across her face appeared to be patterns, as if runes and sigils had been etched into her skin.

With her coat hung up, one could see that she was wearing a stylish, but reserved, long black dress. Her figure is svelte, but her shoulders are unusually athletic and her hips narrow. She walked into the living area as if she was exhausted.

“Magneto? I.. I am surprised to see you in my apartment,” she said, finding a visitor waiting for her. Her voice was husky and hoarse, her French accent slightly more pronounced than usual.

“I do apologize for the intrusion my dear Fidélité, but I thought we should talk,” said Magneto.

“I’m sorry. I have not been myself and neglected my communications. But how did you get in?”

“Your associate, IC, has been most helpful.”

“Yes, he has been a good friend too. I have poured my heart out to him these last few days. When Einfluss passed, she and I...”

“My dear, I know all about that. I wanted to come here for that very reason - and to tell you how sorry I am.”

“Je te remercie. But Einfluss knew the cause we are fighting for. She knew she could not be captured, could not be allowed to give away our plans. We have all pledged our lives to free our kind. I would do almost anything to have her back, but I honor her sacrifice and will continue to fight.”

“I am glad to hear that, but I think you misunderstand what I am apologizing for.” Magneto gestured with his hand and a window suddenly had a hole in it and Fidélité was struck in her chest by a bullet.

The scars on her face glowed a brilliant blue as she looked at Magneto with a pained expression. She raised a hand and a blast of blue light emerged from her hand and passed through Magneto.

“No, my dear, I am not really here. I am well aware of your abilities. Unfortunately, you were not aware that you became a liability. You see, when Einfluss linked her mind to yours just before she died, someone else was linked in. She can use that link to continue to monitor you. Thus, you have become a threat to our success. I do hope you see that. Fortunately, IC did and he helped me to set all of this up, the hologram, the armed drone... I want you to know that it will be a setback not having your ability to create loyalty, but we will honor your sacrifice and will continue to fight.”

IC entered from the kitchen area and stood over the body. “Hard not to feel awful about this,” he said in a surprisingly deep voice with a posh British accent. “I wonder if my feelings of loyalty will fade now that she’s dead?”

“Why would you assume that your feelings are the result of her powers?” asked Magneto.

“Because it feels like an even worse betrayal if they’re not.”

Magneto nodded grimly. “It is beyond regrettable, but our survival depends on such sacrifice. Is everything still moving forward?”

“Yes,” said IC. “A secret conference has been convened for all the major governments.”

“Excellent. Your ability to intercept the emails and voicemails has been invaluable.”

“And got a friend killed,” said IC.

Magneto ignored the comment. “IC, are you certain your plan will work?”

IC nodded. “Yeah, there’s really no other option for them. They’ll hand us exactly what we need to defeat them.”

Magneto smiled, but it was a grim smile. “Humans always do.”

>>X<<

“Are you still experiencing soreness?” asked Hank.

“No doctor, it appears to have completely disappeared,” answered Storm.

“Excellent. Do you feel any other effects?”

“I do not believe my powers are at full strength at this point. My memory still seems… full of hops.”

Hank blinked a couple of times. “You mean holes, correct?”

“Ah yes. I can’t be sure if that is a symptom or a momentary language slip,” answered Ororo.

“We can, of course, do more testing,” Hank said. “But I suspect you are tired of tests and would prefer we wait until tomorrow. I am quite confident you will be feeling much closer to 100 percent by then. For now, I would suggest some activity, some good food, plenty of fluids, and sleep.”

“Thank you doctor. It is difficult not to feel that I have slept enough for some time, however.”

“I completely understand. Nevertheless…” Hank placed a hand on Ororo’s shoulder.

Ororo nodded. She still felt like something was off. She would have been even more concerned if she knew what she had been saying when Hank first brought her out of suspension. Hank, for his part, had been too engrossed in his equipment to hear her.

She had been repeating something that Hank wouldn’t have been able to understand anyway, “Verwüstung anrichten.”

Since he didn’t speak German, he wouldn’t have recognized that Ororo was saying, “Wreak havoc.”

Of course, Ororo didn’t speak German either.

 

 

EVEN WITH SABRETOOTH DEAD, LOGAN MUST STILL DEAL WITH THE FALLOUT FROM HIS HATRED AND MANIPULATION. CAN SHE COME TO TERMS WITH WHAT HE DID AS WELL AS WHAT SHE DID WITH SCOTT? WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF JEAN FINDS OUT? AND IS STORM JUST A TICKING TIME BOMB AS MAGNETO CONTINUES TO RUTHLESSLY PURSUE HIS PLANS FOR MUTANTKIND? FIND OUT IN THE FERAL SAGA - HAVOC!

 

Cheese was created over 4,000 years ago-by accident. Unfortunately, I can’t claim the cheesy stuff I create here is an accident….

End Note:

Kudos are always welcome, but I really do want to know what you think of the story, so please comment. It doesn't have to be positive but if you have a correction, a PM would be more appropriate than a comment, so we don't bore everyone else with trivialities. If you are upset that this story contained violence, graphic sex, non consensual actions, or mind control even after all my warnings and flags then I can't help you. If you want to demonstrate your superior knowledge of all things X-Men, please save it and just make lots of smug faces as you read my egregious errors. I'm here to have some fun and I hope I have provided you with some as well. ‘Nuff said. Until next time - Excelsior!