Leap of Faith Story Contest

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Amethyst

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Jan 2020 Leap of Faith Story Contest

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TopShelf's
January 2020

Leap of Faith

Story Contest

Originally Published 2019-12-30 20:41:39 -0500:
Well the gauntlet had been dropped, the challenge has been accepted, and now a dozen writers will be competing in flexing their writing muscles for our entertainment. The 2020 January - Leap of Faith Story Contest begins now!

The Rules:

1. Entrants will write stories based on ten rules that I have assigned randomly from this list. All the rules they were assigned must be used. Sub-categories of those rules are optional, but authors should try to use as many of those as they can as well. Authors may also try to use other rules from the list if they like, but the ten rules that they were assigned are a must.

2. All stories must use the keyword 2020 January - Leap of Faith Story Contest in the contest selection tab to make it easier for people to know they are part of the contest,

3. Due to not wanting BCTS in legal trouble for offering prizes for fanfics based on someone else's intellectual property, stories can't be fanfics, but it can be a parody or an original story, serious or funny, the whole point is to have fun and write the best, worst, or most campy story you can with the rules you are given.

4. Stories must be completed by February 29th at 11:59 pm EST and be at least 5000 words. Stories can be posted as complete stories or as chapters, but the final chapter must be posted before the deadline.

5. Stories will be voted on by the BCTS community once I have set up a voting page. Voting will take place from March 1st until March 7th at 11:59 pm EST and winners will be announced within a few days after that once the votes are tallied.

6. Have fun, but try keep in mind that we have a large and varied audience here on BCTS. If you write anything that may trigger someone please remember to use the appropriate tags and keywords.

Sephrena has kindly offered prize money for this contest and the prizes will be as follows:

1st place: $75
2nd Place: $50
3rd, 4th and 5th place: $25

The Contestants:

The following authors have entered and I am placing their rules under their names so that the readers know what to look for.

RoseyRedd

#56. The protagonist knows how to dance. Somehow. The romantic interest won't if it is a she, will if it is a he. - Katssun
#56A. A little sister, should they exist, does ballet. - Katssun
#56B. And are better than you are in everything. - RoseBunny

#128. There is always an expert around when you need them. you: "Oh no! the penguin is acting strangely, is there an Ornithologist in the house?" Random guy: "Why Yes, I'm an ornithologist!" - RoseBunny
#128A. Said expert is never given a name and is never seen again after being viciously used as a plot device. - Amethyst

#60C. Your 12 year old sister looks older than you, and constantly comes on to your friends. - RoseBunny
#60C1. And she calls you "Onee-chan!" while squishing your face in her DD cup cleavage. - RoseBunny

#133. Nerdy guys turn into hot Miss Hyde characters, but nerdy girls never become the Mr. Hyde ( I wish someone would pick this idea up and run with it. I can't do the Miss Hyde thing Justice) - RoseBunny

#98. Hidden tropical island lairs are not cliche. - RoseBunny
#98A. Only the heroes have arctic bases. - Katssun
#98B. The villains use the Antarctic, even though there are plenty of actual civilian bases there. - Katssun

#94. The cuter, the deadlier. - RoseBunny

#19. Every male character has a deep baritone and every woman is a soprano. - Katssun

#6. Access to things like private jets and limos is no big deal. - RoseBunny

#46. The cake is a lie. - RoseBunny
#46A. On the off chance that a parental figure does exist, they are really good at baking. - Katssun
#46B. Especially brownies, which always have marijuana baked in. - Null0Trooper
#46C. Bread though, does still make you fat. - Katssun

#107. Terminator references are a must in any situation which is supposed to be serious, but you don't want taken seriously. - Amethyst

dorothycolleen

#71. Leg cramps don't exist. - Null0Trooper

#49. You grew up your whole life wishing you had X powers, so when you reach adulthood, you of course get them. - RoseBunny
#49A. Or the opposite-themed powers, whichever is c00lest. - Null0Trooper
#49B. You definitely read. And its always scifi or fantasy novels. - Katssun
#49C. And it's considered cool that you do. - RoseBunny

#114. Goth girls are super-depressing, unless they're the protagonist's friend, in which case they are sickeningly cheerful. - Amethyst
#114A. unless they're a romantic interest, then they're dark and brooding, but also sickeningly cheerful about it. - Abi

#81. That hotel, even if it was a motel, wasn't rancid and disgusting. Unless it was, and you never changed rooms, except when the government or enemy spy came after you. - Katssun
#81A. Bedbugs only exist if you checked for them or hoped they weren't there. - Katssun
#81B. Likewise for body lice, and scorpions. - Null0Trooper
#81C. The door chain was useless, and the deadbolt doesn't exist in this universe - Katssun
#81D. Windows don't exist (that's what the peep hole is for!), unless they're too small to crawl out of for an escape, or were definitely used to escape from the bathroom and only ever the bathroom. - Katssun
#81E. There is never an ice machine or soda machine on the same floor as your motel room, necessitating long trips outside. - Amethyst
#81E1. No one is ever encountered during that trip, except for the antagonist who's identity is still a secret at this point. - Katssun
#81F. Everyone must spend time in the hotel pool. - Null0Trooper
#81G. The fewer clothes you have on, the more likely you are to forget your keycard when you go for ice. - RoseBunny
#81H. And the more likely you are to slam the door closed on your towel. - RoseBunny

#73. If you have an alternate form, your clothes alter to suit it, unless you are a hot girl. In that case you end up naked. - RoseBunny
#73A. clothes are usually destroyed beyond repair if you end up naked. - Amethyst
#73A1. Like actually shredded and probably dissolve into the earth. - Katssun
#73C. If buttons pop off, they only hit bad guys or the comic relief character. - RoseBunny
#73D. Champagne corks can substitute for firearms. - Null0Trooper

#19. Every male character has a deep baritone and every woman is a soprano. - Katssun

#3. You have to be "totes popular" - RoseBunny

#108. If you write yourself into a corner, it was a clone of the main character that died. - RoseBunny
#108A Or a twin they knew nothing about until they were dead... and then they mourn. - Amethyst
#108B. Or you made Jobe make a clone of the main character just before they died. - Abi
#108C. Or a Life-Model Decoy. - RoseBunny
#108D. Or them from an alternate dimension or timeline. - RoseBunny

#124. Putting a cast list of the main characters... example: Protagonist - Insert hunky teenager's fantasy heartthrob here. - RoseBunny
#124A. Self insert. - RoseBunny
#124B. Subtitling it as " blank X blank ". - RoseBunny
#124C. Writing a " Blank X Blank" ( seriously nobody wants to read your "Me X Bert and Ernie"). - RoseBunny

DVH

#26. Everyone wears skinny jeans. - RoseBunny

#85. A crossdresser will always get caught. Always. - DorothyB
#85A. No matter how drunk everyone else is, even if they go home alone. - Null0Trooper

#86. A mysterious figure will always save you at the last moment if you're ever in any real danger. - Amethyst
#86A. And they will throw a flower or playing card or other signature item. - RoseBunny
#86A1. Said signature item is something you will always overlook a close friend having a large supply of. - Amethyst

#55. Most women can play the piano or violin. Not much else. - Katssun
#55A. Every romantic interest can play the guitar. Probably the bass. - Katssun
#55A1. Regardless of gender. - Katssun
#55B. Or flute, clarinet, oboe, anything that buzzes when you blow it. - Null0Trooper

#32. Airbags never go off in a car crash, but still no-one gets hurt except the bad guys. - Astrodragon

#23. Cooking is a combat skill. - RoseBunny
#23A. All main characters can cook like Gordon Ramsey. - RoseBunny

#14. When a boy is turned into a girl they always like it. - Amethyst

#10. They get in trouble, but it's easily excused for some reason. - Katssun

#103. The protagonist has trophies, rather than equipment, to prove they do an activity/sport. - Katssun
#103A. Actual equipment will never be shown or even referred to. - Amethyst
#103B. Except Cheerleading, which they will be forced into, or will reappear as a fetish outfit. - Katssun
#103C. Except for the story of how they got a certain convenient injury. - RoseBunny

Malady

#4. Vampires and werewolves in your world have to follow the rules set forth in Twilight. - RoseBunny

#30. Screw Physics, I need my bullet to go around corners. - RoseBunny
#30A. Screw Physics, I need to dodge bullets. - Malady
#30A1. All bad guys go to the Imperial school of Marksmanship. - RoseBunny
#30A1א. All the good guys do too. That's how they all met. - Malady

#36. Eyeglasses are always made of candy glass. - Null0Trooper

#44. Rich people are the best choice for high office, because they know the struggles of the poor and working poor. - RoseBunny

#45. The contents of a wallet are endless, or an expired bus pass. - Katssun
#45A. Every credit card is one of those black cards with no limit and a concierge. - Katssun
#45B. No withdrawal limits, ever. - Null0Trooper

#67. Ping Mal constantly. - RoseBunny

#68. Everyone has a maid. - RoseBunny

#68A. The only maid style is French. - Katssun
#68B. The maid is always a slut. - Amethyst
#68C. They are a martial arts master. - RoseBunny
#68D. Or a corporate spy. - Katssun
#68E. If they are newly hired during the story, they probably were your evil boss. - Katssun
#68F. Your maid might be a warship. - RoseBunny
#68G. The maids only use feather dusters, not dust cloths or cleaning sprays. Or...[redacted]. - Katssun

#79. Normal towels have become scratchy and irritating, even if you didn't change gender. - Katssun
#79A. Hotel towels are never discussed, but you definitely used them. - Katssun
#79B. But towels never ever leave colored lint all over the protagonist. - Null0Trooper
#79C. Lint and static cling only exists for background characters or comic relief. - Amethyst

#107. Terminator references are a must in any situation which is supposed to be serious, but you don't want taken seriously. - Amethyst

Nuuan

#8. The special secret key was inside them all along. - Katssun

#38. No matter how serious the cut, how many major blood vesels have been severed, the character will either keep fihgting or have an endless dying soliliqy. - Astrodragon
#38A. Transfusions are never required. - Katssun
#38A1. Unless it just so happened to unlock that special ability that you never knew was there. - Katssun

#39. "A wizard did it" explains everything, even in "hard" sci fi. - Null0Trooper

#57. Pachelbel hated Cello players. - RoseBunny

#59. Excretion? Not in this story! Unless it's comedically pathologic. - Null0Trooper

#68. Everyone has a maid. - RoseBunny
#68A. The only maid style is French. - Katssun
#68B. The maid is always a slut. - Amethyst
#68C. They are a martial arts master. - RoseBunny
#68D. Or a corporate spy. - Katssun
#68E. If they are newly hired during the story, they probably were your evil boss. - Katssun
#68F. Your maid might be a warship. - RoseBunny
#68G. The maids only use feather dusters, not dust cloths or cleaning sprays. Or...[redacted]. - Katssun

#70. Socks are only worn by the protagonist. Women only wear stockings. - Katssun
#70A. Stockings are always worn with a garter belt. - Amethyst
#70B. Runs only happen to the comedy relief, or to have the protagonist crash into hello. - Null0Trooper
#70C. Stockings roll up the correct way, never ending up with the toe or heel portion going the wrong side. - Katssun
#70D. Bras are never nude, neutral, or otherwise match a skin tone. They're black, or vibrantly colored. - Katssun

#71. Leg cramps don't exist. - Null0Trooper

#118. When a male becomes a female, they always just use a female version of their male name. - Amethyst
#118A. Even though they're using essentially the same name, nobody catches on. - Mylian

#129. When a guy becomes a girl, every single new experience or task is described in far too much detail and is over the top in 'how different it is as a girl then as a guy'. - Amethyst
#129A. Except things that actually are very different by sexual differences. Like sex and restroom use. Those get ignored. - Abi
#129A1. Unless they go into entirely too much detail on those. - RoseBunny
#129A1א. Or they are described improperly, such as peeing from one's vagina. - Amethyst

Daphne Xu

#121. The female protagonist's unusual eye color or heterochromic eyes signify nothing. - RoseBunny

#127. Nothing has calories in written word, and your characters eat like it. - RoseBunny

#104. Nonsense words like supercalifragilistic expideliocious are great flavor. - Abi
#104A. Word salad will describe how something works, and everyone in story understands it. - Katssun
#104B. The more syllables the more believable it will be. - Amethyst

#40. Radiation never kills you, it just gives you odd powers. - Astrodragon
#40A - It does kill you, but also revives you. - RoseBunny
#40B. Rectal bleeding isn't a superpower? - Null0Trooper

#23. Cooking is a combat skill. - RoseBunny
#23A. All main characters can cook like Gordon Ramsey. - RoseBunny

#110 - Evil versions of the Protagonist from other dimensions must always have goatees. - RoseBunny
#110A - Even the female ones - RoseBunny
#110B - or twirled moustaches. - Abi
#110C Handlebar moustaches are also acceptable. The thing is facial hair must be evil at all times. - Amethyst

#122. With satellite technology being what it is today, nobody is going to notice you building that underwater domed base, or that fortress in the Amazon. - RoseBunny

#41. There are no mutual breakups, just betrayals. - Katssun

#47. Exercise will make you lose weight, never diet, and god forbid you needed to do both. - Katssun
#47A. Superpowers do this instantly, every time. - Katssun

#34. Physical therapy? Say no more, just shake it off! - Null0Trooper
#34A. This is a fanfic. - Katssun
#34A1. There is no rule 34. - Astrodragon

Leila

#15. A mysterious stranger (with not apparent means of support) tells him/her/them they have a Destiny. - Astrodragon
#15A. the hero/heroine has a Mysterious Tatoo/Birthmark. - Astrodragon

#61. Emotional and physical abuse are always sexier than a stable relationship built on trust and respect. - Null0Trooper
#61A. Consent wasn't a requirement to starting that relationship. - Katssun
#61B. Because "Penis!", "Vagina!", or "Tentacles!" - Null0Trooper
#61C. How did they know ahead of time, anyway? - Null0Trooper

#64. There will be a beach vacation. Because who goes anywhere else? - Katssun
#64A. There will be boobs. - Fiddlerfox
#64B. Or hot Springs. - RoseBunny
#64C. Bikinis are the only type of swimsuit that exist. - Katssun
#64D. There will invariably be a bathhouse. - Amethyst
#64E. Bikinis double as acceptable ski wear. - Null0Trooper
#64F Guy will end up in the girl's bath, hot spring, etc. - RoseBunny
#64G. Towels will be dropped. - Amethyst
#64H. Sand, it gets everywhere, except in this story where it isn't really a factor. - Katssun

#33. Eye protection? Nah. You closed your eyelids. - Katssun

#81. That hotel, even if it was a motel, wasn't rancid and disgusting. Unless it was, and you never changed rooms, except when the government or enemy spy came after you. - Katssun
#81A. Bedbugs only exist if you checked for them or hoped they weren't there. - Katssun
#81B. Likewise for body lice, and scorpions. - Null0Trooper
#81C. The door chain was useless, and the deadbolt doesn't exist in this universe - Katssun
#81D. Windows don't exist (that's what the peep hole is for!), unless they're too small to crawl out of for an escape, or were definitely used to escape from the bathroom and only ever the bathroom. - Katssun
#81E. There is never an ice machine or soda machine on the same floor as your motel room, necessitating long trips outside. - Amethyst
#81E1. No one is ever encountered during that trip, except for the antagonist who's identity is still a secret at this point. - Katssun
#81F. Everyone must spend time in the hotel pool. - Null0Trooper
#81G. The fewer clothes you have on, the more likely you are to forget your keycard when you go for ice. - RoseBunny
#81G1. And the more likely you are to slam the door closed on your towel. - RoseBunny[/li]

#5. The hot emo guy is "just misunderstood". - RoseBunny

#23. Cooking is a combat skill. - RoseBunny
#23A. All main characters can cook like Gordon Ramsey. - RoseBunny

#36. Eyeglasses are always made of candy glass. - Null0Trooper

#102. That thing nobody wants will end up being important. - RoseBunny
#102A. Your parents sent it to you. - Katssun
#102B. And then everyone will want it even less. - Amethyst
#102C. That thing everyone wants will have no use. - RoseBunny
#102C1. Because the true key was inside you the whole time. - Katssun
#102Cא1. But only if you believe in the Heart of the Cards. - RoseBunny
#102D. It will still remain a status symbol though. - Amethyst

#84. Skintight latex is an effective thermal insulator. - Null0Trooper
#84A. And will never show off a camel-toe... - RoseBunny
#84B. Or how "perky" you are at that given moment. - RoseBunny
#84C. A dry catsuit just slips on and off without any help. - Null0Trooper

Asche

#82. All endowed women come with reinforced back musculature to alleviate the pain of having their big busts. - RoseBunny
#82A. They won't even hurt their back from physical trauma! - Katssun

#101. Things always happen with amazingly convenient timing. - Amethyst

#57. Pachelbel hated Cello players. - RoseBunny

#87. The greater the evil, the longer the monologue. - RoseBunny

#92. If this is magic or fantasy, just like Hollywood, female characters only use bows. - Katssun
#92A. They are always a crack shot. - Amethyst
#92B. Until they are grabbed by the "official female capture zone" (upper arm) at which point they are incapacitated. - Fiddlerfox
#92C. Or they trip over a rock, root, or nothing at all. - RoseBunny

Camospam

#11. Sudden revelation of mysterious powers that never appeared before, and perfectly resolve the current crisis. (every crisis) - RoseBunny

#1. You have to be fashionable and inexplicably rich. - RoseBunny

#19. Every male character has a deep baritone and every woman is a soprano. - Katssun

#25. Females can get into into a skin-tight catsuit (or spandex equivalent) in seconds. - Astrodragon
#25A. Nobody looks bad in them. - RoseBunny

#27. Handguns sure are easy to use accurately and without training! - Katssun

#35. No-one ever gets motion sickness. - Astrodragon

#39. "A wizard did it" explains everything, even in "hard" sci fi. - Null0Trooper

#58. Nursing homes don't exist. You grandparent(s) are awesome, live by themselves without help, and probably have superpowers or taught you how to cook, dance. Your parents taught you none of your unique and special skills. - Katssun
#58A - and your grandpa can kick anyone's ass in martial arts. - RoseBunny
#58B. They were also spies. - Katssun
#58C. They are a highly positioned wizard or sorceress. - Katssun
#58D. Grandma looks 40, at most. Grandpa, at least 80. - RoseBunny

#60. If you have a Mom, she looks like a 20-something stripper, and your male friends drool over her. - RoseBunny
#60A. If you have a Dad, he's totally normal, or a lumberjack...he's not really described at all anyway, so don't worry about it. - Katssun
#60A1. But you definitely have his red hair, because he's Irish. - Katssun
#60A2. Red hair == Irish. - Null0Trooper
#60A3. And your Mom's green eyes, because she's Irish. - Katssun
#60B. Not that lumberjacks aren't okay. - Null0Trooper
#60C. Your 12 year old sister looks older than you, and constantly comes on to your friends. - RoseBunny
#60C1. And she calls you "Onee-chan!" while squishing your face in her DD cup cleavage. - RoseBunny

#72. Heels require no training to walk in. - Amethyst
#72A. Boots for women go above the knee. Boots for men are combat boots. - Katssun
#72B. Prosthetics, including bifocals for the elderly mentor, also need no training to use. - Null0Trooper
#72C. Boots for women are patent black leather. Boots for men are never described, but they're combat boots of some kind. - Katssun
#72D. Rednecks and cowboys always wear "shitkickers". - Null0Trooper

bobbie-c

#107. Terminator references are a must in any situation which is supposed to be serious, but you don't want taken seriously. - Amethyst

#29. Have to learn magic? No problem. Just takes a few hours. - RoseBunny

#39. "A wizard did it" explains everything, even in "hard" sci fi. - Null0Trooper

#93. No one in your fantasy world can climb trees except for elves, orcs, or your rogue/thief. - Katssun
#93A. No one even looks up. - Null0Trooper

#8. The special secret key was inside them all along. - Katssun

#33. Eye protection? Nah. You closed your eyelids. - Katssun

#91. Step relatives are always romantically interested in said protagonist. - Fiddlerfox
#91A. Protagonist finds out the 12 year old DD-Cup sister was adopted. - RoseBunny
#91A1. Her introduction in the story mentions she's adopted or a step-sister right after it describes her cup size. - Katssun
#91A2. If the protagonist turns into a girl, They end up shorter and flatter than said sister. - RoseBunny

elle_jay

#99. Never explain how the villains get to their orbital satellite bases. - Amethyst

#34. Physical therapy? Say no more, just shake it off! - Null0Trooper
#34A. This is a fanfic. - Katssun
#34A1. There is no rule 34. - Astrodragon

#29. Have to learn magic? No problem. Just takes a few hours. - RoseBunny

#25. Females can get into into a skin-tight catsuit (or spandex equivalent) in seconds. - Astrodragon
#25A. Nobody looks bad in them. - RoseBunny

#32. Airbags never go off in a car crash, but still no-one gets hurt except the bad guys. - Astrodragon

#100 - It's not fantasy? Nanobots did it. - Katssun

#40. Radiation never kills you, it just gives you odd powers. - Astrodragon
#40A. It does kill you, but also revives you. - RoseBunny
#40B. Rectal bleeding isn't a superpower? - Null0Trooper

#69. All clothes must be sexy. - Null0Trooper
#69A. And never need cleaning. - Null0Trooper
#69B. Even unsexy clothes are made sexy when worn by the protagonist or 12 year old sister. - Amethyst

#88. Cross-dressed males always attract heterosexual males. - Null0Trooper
#88A. Cross-dressed females also always attract heterosexual males. - Null0Trooper

Polly Adler

#76. If you are a girl and have a white tee shirt on, odds are 99% that it will get wet. - RoseBunny
#76A. White shirts are perfectly opaque until the shirt gets wet, then they are essentially transparent. - Katssun
#76B. If your white t-shirt gets wet you are always braless or wearing a dark colored bra. - Amethyst
#76B1. If you are bra-less and get wet, it will always be cold enough that you get "nippley". - RoseBunny
#76C. "Could cut glass" will be used in the next paragraphs. - Katssun

#109. Unknown twins are always identical. If the twin is of the opposite gender the main character will change genders to be identical to the twin. - Amethyst
#109A. Fraternal Twins of the same gender do not exist. - RoseBunny
#109B. Reunited twins will always become "besties" as soon as they meet. Unless they meet after one twin is killed in which case they obviously don't become "besties". - Amethyst

#113 All newly-minted girls have an uncontrollable urge to dress in pink. - Amethyst
#113A. Pastels are also acceptable. - Amethyst
#113B. Boys can not turn into tomboys. - RoseBunny

#94. The cuter, the deadlier. - RoseBunny

#78. Underwear is always color coordinated matching sets. - Fiddlerfox
#78A. Even nurses on duty wear black lacy undergarments. No exceptions. - Null0Trooper
#78B. So if you're braless... - Amethyst
#78C. Your mom, if you had one, bought them all, and your little sister or new/childhood female friend tagged along. - Katssun
#78D. At some point the male protagonist will turn female and have to borrow the embarrassing underwear from the little sister. - RoseBunny

#127. Nothing has calories in written word, and your characters eat like it. - RoseBunny

#81. That hotel, even if it was a motel, wasn't rancid and disgusting. Unless it was, and you never changed rooms, except when the government or enemy spy came after you. - Katssun
#81A. Bedbugs only exist if you checked for them or hoped they weren't there. - Katssun
#81B. Likewise for body lice, and scorpions. - Null0Trooper
#81C. The door chain was useless, and the deadbolt doesn't exist in this universe - Katssun
#81D. Windows don't exist (that's what the peep hole is for!), unless they're too small to crawl out of for an escape, or were definitely used to escape from the bathroom and only ever the bathroom. - Katssun
#81E. There is never an ice machine or soda machine on the same floor as your motel room, necessitating long trips outside. - Amethyst
#81E1. No one is ever encountered during that trip, except for the antagonist who's identity is still a secret at this point. - Katssun
#81F. Everyone must spend time in the hotel pool. - Null0Trooper
#81G. The fewer clothes you have on, the more likely you are to forget your keycard when you go for ice. - RoseBunny
#81G1. And the more likely you are to slam the door closed on your towel. - RoseBunny[/li]

#131. Hot Female scientists will always have glasses, nylons, and a short pencil skirt to go with their lab coats and cleavage exposing tops. - RoseBunny
#131A. Same for teachers and Librarians. - RoseBunny
#131B. And said labcoat will be left completely undone, despite all regulations against such. - Abi
#131C. Their undergarments will always be matching sets from the raciest pages of Victoria's Secret. - Amethyst
#131D. Said scientists will be working on some sort of experiment that will increase their sexiness, and sexual desire. - RoseBunny
#131E. If the subject is a librarian or teacher, the odds are they are a succubus. - RoseBunny

#51. You start at a new school and are immediately the most or least popular kid there. There is no in between. - Amethyst
#51A. And the popular clique is composed of supernatural kids of some sort. - RoseBunny
#51A1. So, if you're unpopular, you're powerless. - Malady
#55A2. In which case you have to stop the popular kids from their evil plot. - RoseBunny
#51B. Whether they know it yet or not.. - Null0Trooper
#51C. If they do, it's because of sinister intent and reasons. - RoseBunny

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Comments

Wow!

Very daunting challenge! Good luck everyone.

Donna

I'm at about 30%

out of the required 5000 words. With 6/10 used already.

Congrats!

Congrats!

-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)

Peter’s Evil Overlord List

I prefer to follow “Peter’s Evil Overlord List”:

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Oh, well...

click here to read my old Working Girl Blogs,
click here to read all of my blogs,
click here to read my stories in BCTS, and
click here to see my profile & know more about me.

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Peter’s Evil Overlord List

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Yes. Know thy enemy.

Yes. Know thy enemy.

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