The life of a physicist can be troubling, at times, as the universe doesn't always play well with others.

But even the universe can't break a true promise.

---

As we looked out the window at the devastation, I couldn't fight the urge to throw up. The scene outside was just so horrible. I felt like crying.

Jeremy and I remained inside the vehicle while we waited for the additional soldiers and medical units to show up.

We still needed to use a notebook to communicate properly. Apparently we could be heard but we really weren't hearing well enough to understand without people shouting at us. We were told that our hearing should return in the next day or 2.

***

The next day we were all inside the base for debriefing. It turns out that 3 soldiers had died, 2 were in critical condition and another 10 people, including us, sustained injuries.

Thankfully, I had gotten my hearing back. Jeremy's was returning but he said things were still a bit quiet yet.

General Anderson turned to me. "So, Ms. Smith, you said you were listening to the comms chatter when the explosive device detonated?"

I nodded. "Yes, Unit 3 had just breached the entryway when it occurred."

General Anderson nodded at me slowly. "And what happened after that?"

I sighed. "The explosion gave our vehicle a nasty jolt, and I was briefly disoriented. When I got my wits about me I realized that there was a loud ringing in my ears. My first thought was to check on the others in the vehicle. Our driver, when I checked on him, appeared in good condition but was bleeding from what I immediately suspected was a broken nose. When I checked on Jeremy I noticed he had a bit of a glazed look to his eyes. I tried shouting at him but he couldn't hear me. I shook his shoulder and was able to get his attention, and we both realized we couldn't hear. I pulled out a notepad and we wrote to each other to establish condition."

General Anderson seemed impressed. "That was very good. Instead of leaving the vehicle or doing something dangerous you assessed the situation. Perfect way to handle that."

"After that, Jeremy and I looked outside towards the building. I saw the fire and metal and rubble. Then I saw the soldiers near the entrance, the... " I cut off.

"Ms. Smith, I know it's difficult, but I do want you to tell me."

"I saw the soldier with his hand missing, crawling over to a soldier who appeared to be dead. I... I couldn't handle it, and I threw up inside the vehicle." I said, turning a bit green at the thought.

General Anderson spoke softly. "Ms. Smith, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I myself did the same thing after I witnessed the results of a bombing on my unit back in Desert Storm. It's one of the ways your body deals with stress. Now, did anything happen after that?"

"Not really. Jeremy and I stayed in the vehicle figuring it was a safe place, until the others arrived."

"Ms. Smith, I just want you to know that you've been through something that some soldiers will never go through. Don't be embarrassed. You should be proud. You survived."

"If anything, General, I feel guilty. I knew something bad was going to happen, but I never had the details from back while I was Tedd. I knew soldiers were going to die today, and I did nothing to stop it."

"Ms. Smith, from what you've told me, if you had stopped it things could be much worse. I don't blame you for the loss of my men, and neither does the department of homeland security, who are using our soldiers on loan for this operation. So far you've been acting far better than I think anyone else in your position would have. I understand the pain of knowing people you see are going to die, and it never fades, but it does get easier. The lives we save if we stop this device will be worth it."

I'm not sure how to respond to that, so all I can think to say is "Thank you, General."

We ended the debriefing and I began to consider the next thing I had to do. This was going to be difficult.

***

About a week later, I call Carol to meet me at Brett's house to have lunch. Brett was at work with Tedd, so I knew we would be alone.

Carol arrives and places her coat on the back of her chair and sits down.

I smile up at her. "Hi babe. Thought we should get together one... more time."

She smiles back. "I always have time for you."

I get up and bring a bottle of alcohol and a couple of glasses out, and place them on the table. I pour a little for each of us.

"Carol, before I continue, I want you to know I still love you with every fiber of my being. That has never changed."

She gives me a slightly worried look. "Tara, I've never doubted that. But why do you bring this up all of a sudden?"

"Carol... within the next few weeks, I'm going to die."

Carol gasped and jumped out of her chair. "What?! What do you mean you're going to die?"

I stand up and give myself a little shake. "Carol, it has to happen, I don't think it's something I can avoid."

"How is this going to happen? Are you going to commit suicide?"

I shake my head. "No, Carol, I could never do that. You know me better than that."

She shakes her fists at me. "Then you're going to have to do everything you can to stop it. You aren't going to die. I can't lose you."

I sink back down into the chair, crying. "How do you think I feel? This isn't something I can readily avoid. It needs to happen."

"BULLSHIT it needs to happen. You're going to do everything you can to try and stay alive, do you hear me?"

"Carol.. the time loop..." I say through tears.

She wipes at some her own tears and looks at me again. "I don't give a fuck about time, I care about you. And you need to stay alive. And you're going to do everything you can to stay alive, do you hear me?"

"Carol..."

"Do you hear me, Tara?!" she shouts.

I nod. "Okay, I'll try."

She walks over and puts her arms on my shoulders. "Not good enough, I want you to promise me you'll stay alive."

"I... I can't promise that. I can promise to try."

She stared at me. "That's not good enough."

"It's the best I can do. Things may happen outside of my control. I can try, but with what is probably going to happen it'll be unlikely."

She shook her head. "I can't lose you, you're too important to me."

I put my arms around her and pull her against me in a hug. "I've already kind of died once, can you imagine how I felt knowing I'd never see you again? I wouldn't be doing any of this if it weren't important."

She sniffled. "I suppose."

I hugged her tighter. "I have no desire to do that again but I also know that if it comes down to the decision to save thousands or millions of lives, my own is a small cost."

"Not to me, Tara, not to me."

I gave a small shudder. Those words made me feel so loved.

I separated from her and walked over to the counter and opened a drawer. "Here, I need to give you this. You can't open it now, and you need to put it in a safe place, like your fire box under the bed."

She looked at the envelope quizzically. "What is it?"

I cleared my throat. "In a few years, Tedd will be working on a project involving the use of tachyons as a method of faster than light communication. The letter contains a series of equations and settings for the machinery that he'll need."

She appeared even more confused. "But... he hasn't even started on any project like that."

"Listen, my love, the contents of that envelope are what brought me back here, near as I can tell. If you don't give it to him I might never live."

She sits down and wipes at her tears. "But, how will I know when to give it to him."

"That, unfortunately, is the the other hard part of this conversation. You need to give it to him the night Brett dies."

She gasps. "Brett? But how? When?"

I try to give an assuring smile. "Don't worry, it's years off. Just, when Tedd tells you, you need to give this to him. Without it everything could collapse."

She looks at the envelope and back up at me. "Why are you giving this to me, though? Surely someone else could do this."

I look her in the eyes. "That envelope literally contains my life. There's noone else I could trust with a burden like that. You literally hold my life in your hands."

"I'm sorry, Tara, this is just too much."

I gently give her a kiss. "It's a heavy burden, I know, but you can handle it, I've seen you do it. It'll be rough at times, but you are too strong a person to give up."

She smiles. "Thank you."

***

Roughly 2 weeks later, I'm sitting at home when I get a call.

"Tara, we've got an active power drain, largest one yet."

I gasp. "And it's still active?"

"Yes. Meet us at checkpoint 3."

I sigh. It's time. "On my way."

Brett looks at me, noticing the sudden change in my demeanor.

"Tara, what's wrong."

I walk over to Brett and take his face in my hands. "Brett, I need you to do me a favor. No matter what happens today I need you to stay strong. Tedd and Carol are going to rely heavily on your support."

He twists his head slightly and looks into my eyes. "Tara... what... why are you... that sounds like you aren't coming back."

I know tears are welling in my eyes but I refuse to cry. "Brett, I..."

He has such an intense look in his eyes. "Damnit Tara, tell me you're coming back!"

I put my head against his chest. "I... I can't do that."

"Bullshit, I'll keep you here if I have to."

I shake my head, still against his chest. "You can't do that, if I don't go, hundreds, thousands, perhaps even millions of people could die. I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"But I can't live without you. You're the only person since Summer died that I've truly cared about this deeply."

I hold him tighter. "Brett, I need to do this. People are going to die today and if I don't go, their deaths will be for nothing. I could never handle that. I... I need to do this. Just as you need to keep going."

"But why does it have to be you?" he asks, his voice starting to break.

"Because there's nobody else."

I grab my stuff and start heading out the door, trying hard to not burst into tears. If I start crying now It'll be difficult. Just as I close the door, I hear a soft "I love you, Tara."

I wipe at my tears. I guess I'll just have to take my chances on the road.

***

I get into my car and head to checkpoint 3, which is a small vacant lot about 4 miles outside the city. I don my gear and head enter the HMMWV to find Jeremy already waiting for me.

I give him an empty smile. "So, Jeremy, any updates?"

"Units are preparing to converge on the location. After the last one, we've been cleared to access any available satellites, we've also gotten thermal imagers provided to us by a local SWAT team."

I sigh. "I imagine the soldiers are going to be loaded for war, this time."

"Yes, acting through the Department of Homeland Security, and an order of the President, our units are authorized to use any and all rational measures against this target."

I nod. "Where is this location?"

"It's in a scientific facility about a half mile from West Bridge."

Now I'm starting to get bits of the picture. The bridge will be important, but I don't know why yet.

We continue driving towards the facility. "So, Jeremy, do we have any idea of the layout of this building?"

He nods. "Yes, we've identified it as a scientific research center with 5 above-ground floors and 3 sub-levels. We're going to have a hard time if they've holed themselves up in the sub-levels."

Just then I see an array of flashing lights outside. The driver announces that we're almost there, and from what I can see the local police have completely cut off this area.

Our driver stops a short distance beyond the police line. He waits until the soldiers arrive and get into positions around the building before driving towards a group of soldiers setting up a temporary barricade.

We watch as the units move to start surrounding the building, and suddenly the windows on the second floor are blown out and I see something quickly streak towards a HMMWV about 100 yds away from us. The vehicle doesn't survive.

The driver quickly steps on the gas and parks in front of the barricade. "Get out! Get behind the wall! I'll leave this hear and if they shoot towards us it should take the impact."

I grab my stuff and jump out the door opposite the research facility, and wait for Jeremy to follow me. Soldiers are shouting as men with guns start running out of the building and setting up behind cars and other assorted bits of cover. These guys begin firing on the soldiers, who are also concerned with the RPG on the second floor. I hear another loud noise amongst the gunfire and a vehicle about 60 yards away from us bursts into flame and rains shrapnel down on the nearby pavement.

Our driver appears next to us and prepares his weapon for use. Over his radio we here some of the comms.

"We're being pushed back on the west perimeter, watch our flank."

"Unit 17 in place, setting up."

I kind of peek beneath the vehicle and there's rubble in the way so I can't see much of anything. I sit back up quickly after hearing some bullets ricochet off the vehicle behind ours. I'm trying to think of what I can do but all this stuff seems to be happening at once and I can't seem to find a moment of clarity to think... like all I can do is react.

I flinch a bit as bullets hit the building behind our barricade, and cough to try and keep the brick dust out of my lungs. As I'm coughing I hear some shots and I see a soldier taking cover about 20 yards away fall over.

"RPG down, RPG down, keep a watch on that window."

I stare at the soldier, watching closely. I give a brief sigh of relief when I see her chest is still moving, but she does have blood appearing on her uniform's lower torso. I start fighting with myself, thinking that if I don't do something she'll die, but if I do, it may change things...

"Good people will always make the decisions their heart feels are necessary."

I wait for a calm between fire and quickly dart over to her, and grab her by her armor straps. I can't do anything for her here but she'll be safer if I can get her behind the barricade. Dragging her isn't easy but I'm getting there.

I'm reaching the gap between vehicles. This is the most dangerous part, as I know I'll be exposed for a bit, but I have to keep doing this or I'll never feel good about myself again. Just as I start pulling her into the gap I find myself feeling something large on the back of my armor.

My thoughts race as I suddenly find myself lifted into the air.