I was the deputy leader in charge of the Youth Centre based in Sheep town in North Yorkshire It was because of a request at the Youth Centre on Ilkley Road that I first came across the Mermaid Trust. We had a normal membership of 150. 100 of our members being girls. We were unusual among the local youth clubs in that we had far more girls than boys as members. It was quite normal within our club for the members to come and inform leaders their concerns and worries. Usually it was something trivial that needed sorting out. Occasionally it was something far more serious. On this occasion though I got something I did not expect nor have any idea how to initially solve it.

Helen a relatively new member of the club approached me and said, “Sir could she could have a quiet chat with me where others could not hear what she said.”

I informed the leader in charge who suggested we use the office. Which was in view of others, but nobody could here what was said. For the purpose of this paper I will call the girl Helen. She was quite attractive and aged 13 although she had only been with us a few weeks she had made lots of friends at the youth club.

In the office Helen asked, “Did I knew about boys who wanted to be girls and vice a versa?”

I was taken aback with this question & said, “Why do you want to be a boy as you are pretty as you are?”

Helen burst out laughing and said, “Sir I am a boy who is looking more and more like a girl as time goes on. My old doctor down South suggested to mummy that we move away to an area where I was not known. I was getting quite a lot of ill treatment at my old school. I now can dress as a girl considering how I am developing. Mum decided to move up here to be with her family as dad is dead. Dad died in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. Mum went to my new school to see the headmaster and handed him the doctor's note. The headmaster at my new school had the school nurse examine me, and now I am exempt from sports permanently. None of my friends' know or realise what I am & I do not intend telling them I am a boy. Some of the girls had told me you have sorted serious problems out for them. So I wondered if you could help me?”

“Helen I will be honest with you I have never come across anybody like you before, but I will see what I can do. For now though I think it would be better if this is kept between us. Your friends will wonder why you have been so long in here so it might be advisable if you say you have been asking if you can arrange an ice skating trip to Bradford in three weeks time. Usually it is one of the girls who comes and asks for permission and then goes around with a clip board getting names and deposits.”

Helen gave a lovely smile and went out with the clipboard. I got several of the other girls coming to find if it was true a trip was planned to the ice rink in Bradford. “Sir Will you be asking Margaret & the Cow town youth club to join us like you normally do?

That weekend I happened to be away with Margaret on a youth leader's course at St John's College York. The course was being run by the North Yorkshire County Council Youth Service. Whilst driving us both the 44 miles to the college I mentioned the problem I had been given to solve by Helen.

Margaret, “Oh that is easy I can give you a telephone number and they will help you or at least your member.”

After the weekend was over I telephoned the number and was put through to The Mermaid trust. I was to discover that the Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust was the only gender clinic in the UK solely dedicated to helping children and adolescents up to the age of eighteen years. It has no catchment area - it will accept referrals from professionals in Health, Social Service and Education departments in all areas

.

They will also accept self-referrals of families or adolescents over the age of 16. As I was a qualified youth leader they would accept a referral from me. I gave them what details I had on Helen and they promised they would contact the mother.

Several days later there was a knock on the door at my home. There stood Helen and mother. “I have come to thank you for the referral. We are going down to London following your referral to them. The lady who spoke to me seamed very nice. I will let you know how we go on.”

The following Friday Helen was missing from the youth club. One of the members came and said, “Sir I have been going round getting all the members to sign this card as Helen has been taken into hospital in London so it must be serious.”

I promised the member I would get the card to Helen. As I was looking for her address the telephone rang & it was Helen's mother. “I thought I better tell you Helen has been admitted to Great Ormond Street Hospital. When we came down here I never envisaged my son of 13 years would turn out be my daughter. I will tell you everything when we return next week.”

Helen's mother gave me the ward-number, Helen was on and I said, “Her friends at the club are missing her and have given me a card to post to her.”

I got one more call to say they would be returning home midweek & Helen was missing her friends. I saw some members from the youth group and said, “Helen was coming out of the hospital & was coming home on the Wednesday”.

“Sir could we have a party night on Friday to welcome Helen back?”

The youngsters used any excuses to hold a disco but on this occasion I agreed although I said, “Helen may not be able to dance as she has had some surgery.”

Helen & mother turned up again at my house & explained what had happened when they got to London. Helen said, “For thirteen years they have all thought I was a boy, but the doctors in London have discovered I am a girl after all and all I needed was some slight surgery. They had to give my mother a letter to send to the Births, Deaths and Marriages to get my birth certificate officially altered. Once I am fully recovered I will be able to do sports now with my friends at school. Mum has already spoken with the headmaster & he is happy to let me do sports.”

Helen these days is a mother herself and even her husband has no idea what she went through. I still see her & she is a great supporter of Mermaids and spends quite a bit of time raising money for them. She said to me, “They helped me and now I wish to help others who are in similar situations as I was.”

A while ago I met up with Helen and she said, “You know I was terrified what you might say when I told you. I knew I was taking a big gamble talking to you, but I felt I needed to talk to somebody other than my mother. Mother was cross with me for talking to you, but then when she got the telephone call she realised you had done as promised. It was an even bigger shock to find I was admitted to hospital immediately. They found out I was a natural hermaphrodite being born with both sets of equipment. With pubity the female side had kicked in and hence my chest. As I had a fully working female set the doctors recommended immediate surgery to permanently resolve my problem. What finally made me talk to you was chatting to Brenda & the action you took on her behalf.”

As a result of media interest over the last few years, the world at large is acquiring a greater awareness of gender identity problems in adults, but it is not yet widely known that children and adolescents can also suffer from gender identity disorders. However, there is now an increasing awareness that gender problems have their roots in childhood, often associated with emotional and behavioural difficulties.

Children with such problems often experience intense distress, especially in adolescence. Social problems are common, both at home and at school; learning difficulties, school refusal, anxieties, depression and suicide attempts are also common. It is therefore imperative that such problems can be recognised early in life (even as early as pre-school): with the right help, support and treatment these children can be helped to tolerate living in these distressing conditions until eventually a solution to the gender identity conflict can be found.

Childhood and adolescence are complex and have varied causes. In the majority of cases the eventual outcome will be homosexuality or bisexuality. Sometimes there will be a heterosexual outcome as some gender issues can be caused by a bereavement, a dysfunctional family life, or (rarely) by abuse. Only a small proportion of cases will result in a transsexual outcome. Whatever the cause, a child with a gender identity problem is very often deeply unhappy, and their family will suffer as a result. It is essential that sympathetic and non-judgmental help be sought in order to help the child or adolescent, and their family. The Gender Identity Development Service now provides a multi-disciplinary service, which is part of the Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust

A number of families attending the clinic have identified a need to form a support group, 'Mermaids', to aid other families, children and teenagers in similar situations. Having themselves gained benefit from mutual support, shared experiences, and understanding, they know that contact with others can alleviate feelings of loneliness and alienation, and can bring strength and understanding to very difficult situations. 'Mermaids' members can offer information and support, either by letter, telephone, or in person depending on locality. The nearest Mermaid support group is in Halifax. This is for Children & families to socialise and help others in similar situations. Various pop stars and book writers have supported the cause and several well known writers have donated the royalties of books or records to The Mermaid Trust.

The mermaid Trust can be contacted at. The Secretary, BM Mermaids, London.
WC1N 3XX Mermaids Helpline. 07020 935066 - 12 noon until 9pm only, UK Time

Based on a true story, names and places have been changed.

Sharp 01.10.08  © 2008