This is the first installment under the Saga title, But there have been ten prior installments:

2 Women, 2 Children, 2 dogs

How I Became Crossgender (six-part series)

Frankie and Julie in Bed

Charlie, the Way to School

Meetings

Recap

13-year-old Charlie Wilder Has been homeschooled with his younger sister to protect the children from the cruelties of the world, by his lesbian mothers.

When one mother is killed, he is forced into the real world. He discovers he is better at presenting as a girl than as a boy. He decides he will get a better education, be much safer and have a better social life if he attends the private girl's school as a transgender girl. His family agrees to this plan.

The initial meeting with the councilor who needs to certify her as transgender, has gone well.

Charli makes her first friend beside her sister. But the friend wants her as a girlfriend, while Charlie wants to be boyfriends.

In this installment, Charli has a grilling by her sister about the new boyfriend, a meeting with the Endocrinologist, and her first support group meeting.

As mom left my room Joy entered.

“Tell me all about him?” she asked.

“You pretty much got it all at dinner.” I answered.

“But, mom wouldn’t let you describe how hunky he was. And you didn’t say how you feel about him.” she continued.

“He is a 14-year-old boy. He has a way to go to become a man. I guess you could call him cute, but hunky would be a stretch. I enjoyed our game of one-on-one and our conversation afterward. I would like to be his boyfriend, but I think he wants me to be his girlfriend. I don’t think I’m ready for that.” I answered.

“I thought you wanted to be a girl?” Queried Joy.

“I am choosing to present as a girl, to get a better and safer education, for a better social outlook, and because people like you seem to relate to me better when I present as a girl. Having a boyfriend didn’t even enter the decision process. And I don’t think that equates to wanting to be a girl.” I answered.

Joy wrapped her arm around me and gave me a firm hug. “I am enjoying having you as my sister! But what is important is what makes you happy.”

I hugged her back, saying “Thank you. I am happy and am enjoying being your sister, even more than I enjoyed being your brother. But playing with Tom, made me realize that I really wanted to try being and having a boyfriend. And that, as a girl, Charli I wasn’t ready for a boyfriend.”

Still hugging me. “I want to help any way I can. But I suspect some parts of growing up just take time and muddling through.”

“How did you get so wise, at such a young age?” I asked.

“I guess just growing up with two smart mothers, and a very smart sister/brother.” she answered.

“I’m glad to have you on my side. I think we’re pretty formidable as a team.” I said.

“Do you want to be a boy?” she asked, in a concerned almost worried voice.

“I don’t know. I like a lot of things about being a girl. And I feel like a failure being a boy. But I don’t think I was ever given a fair chance to be a boy.” I replied.

“I thought you were the best brother anyone could ask for. I think you’re an even better sister.” as she tightened her hug.

I felt my eyes tearing. “As sisters, I feel closer to you and more equal. As your brother, I felt that it was my duty to protect and lead you, which was often a chore. But now you seem more protective of me, and I feel I have lots to learn from you.”

“I want to help any way I can. I love you as my brother, and even more as my sister. But you need to decide what makes you happiest.” she said, continuing to hug me.

“As you said, time and muddling.” I replied as we closed with the extended hug.

As she left, I thought the hugging and the tears were much more effective in improving my mood than a stiff upper lip stand-off that Charlie might have engaged in.

“Hi, you can call me Dr. McCready or Bob, whatever is more comfortable for you.” stated the handsome 30ish man in the white lab coat.

“Let’s start with Dr. McCready. I’m not used to addressing adults by their first names.” I replied.

“Dr. West has briefed me on your situation, but could you summarise it in your own words?” he asked.

“I was raised and homeschooled by my lesbian mothers with my younger sister. One of my mothers was killed in an accident. In testing us for school placement, Dr. West suggested, I might consider presenting as a transgender girl for school. After a brief trial, I, my mom, Dr. West, and my sister decided to proceed with me attending St.Katherine’s.” I summarised.

“You seem very natural as a girl. I would never have questioned your gender. Do you have any problems presenting as a girl?” he asked.

“I seem to have more problems presenting as male. Dr. West says I have feminine vocal patterns and mannerisms.” I replied.

“I tend to agree with that observation. Do you see your future as a man or as a woman?” was the next question.

“I’m not sure. The plan is to reassess in two years.” I answered.

“Well, we can proceed with your school physical. I’ll let the nurses measure and weigh you and play vampire. Then we can talk some more.” as he exited.

A nurse came measured and weighed me, took BP and oxygen levels, and lots of blood. Thankfully she was good and did it with one stick of the needle.

“Don’t worry, Honey, lots of girls are late bloomers and go on to become real beauties. You’re very pretty, and won’t have any trouble attracting boys.”

I was amused by her assumptions, but only replied: “Thank you.”

Dr. McCready returned with, “I assume you would rather not start growing facial and body hair and have your voice change while attending St. Katherine’s.”

“Those could cause problems.” I replied.

“I can prescribe testosterone blockers. They basically just delay your puberty. In theory, when you stop the blockers you can pick up where you left off. We don’t have good long term data on delaying puberty, but short term use of the drugs is pretty safe.”

“So your saying, if I take the blockers, I will stay the way I am now. Neither developing into a man nor a woman?” I asked.

“Yes, but there can be side effects. Frequent urination is most common. Headaches especially as the medication is introduced. Slight increases in blood pressure.”

“Sounds better than being the bearded lady of St. Katherines.” I replied.

“We will need your parent's approval.” He said.

“Only one surviving parent, which shouldn’t be a problem.”

We called mom in. The Dr. explained. We signed the forms and left with a prescription.

When Julie was free I knocked on her door and she said: “Come in.”

“What can you tell me about the meeting tonight?” I asked.

“It’s scheduled to start at 7. They usually run until 9:30 to 10:00. It’s casual dress, but many of the older members use it as a chance to dress up. I will wear a skirt suit and heels to remain professional. I am expecting 8 to 10 people. I suggest you enter the living room about 7:15, so you don’t have to explain your situation repeatedly. I suggest you prepare a little introduction with your name, age, why you're presenting as a girl, how long you have been, and what you expect to get from the group. Oh, and only use first names, for security.” Julie answered.

“Who will the other people be?” I asked.

“Most are my patients. A few are not. Most are transitioning male to female. A few are cross-dressing and not ready to admit to themselves that it may be deeper than that. They range from you, the youngest, to the late 60’s. We will have a round of introductions, as I asked you to prepare.” answered Julie.

“You seem to have summarized pretty well. See you at dinner, then the meeting.” I said as I exited.

We discussed the meeting at dinner too. Mostly mom asking Julie about it. Mom decided she would contribute an urn of coffee, two pitchers of lemonade, and a double batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. And that she and Joy would go shopping and not intrude on the meeting.

Joy helped me decide what to wear. We decided on a kelly green pleated skirt with a white blouse (with bra and chicken filets) and my ivory flats. I noted again how much larger girls color vocabulary was. I removed the studs for the first time and wore some dangle snowflake earrings. I added some bubble gum pink lipstick and mascara.

Joy got dressed and made up for shopping, and went to help mom sample the cookies.

As I thought about my introduction, I realized that I was getting much more comfortable with my situation and explaining it.

As I waited, I felt a strange mixture of dread and anticipation. How weird would these people be? How would I fit in? Finally, I entered the living room at 7:12.

Julie asked everyone to find seats, so we could start. I found a seat between the next youngest who was dressed androgynously in sweats and the oldest who appeared to be doing a June Cleaver imitation.

Julie said, “Since I’m sure you are all curious, let us start with our newest member, Charli,”
As she nodded to me.

“I am Charli, and I’m almost 14. Until recently it was a Charlie with an IE, but recently I’ve changed to Charli with just an I.” I gave a little curtsey. I was raised and homeschooled with my younger sister, by my lesbian moms. When Dr. West tested me for school placement, he suggested that it might be safer and better educationally and socially, If I attended school as a transgender girl. He felt the feminine mannerisms and vocal patterns I had learned in the all-female environment would cause problems if I tried to present as a boy. My first reaction was that was a crazy idea. But when I decided to try it, I was surprised that I liked a lot of things about being a girl, and how easy it was to present and be accepted as a girl.”

“You have no idea, how envious that makes many of us.” stated a rather masculine voice from across the room.

“Jean, yes, I think many of us see Charli’s situation as rather ideal. But she is still struggling with her decision, and this group is here to try and help each other. Let’s continue with the introductions.” said Julie.

The June Cleaver imitator was next. “I’m Jane, I’m 69. I’ve felt I was female since before I started school, But I pretended to be male until my wife died 6 years ago. I retired and decided to live the rest of my life as Jane.”

“I’m Elaine, I’m 46. You might consider me a crossdresser as I live and work as a male and don’t plan to transition. But my time as Elaine gives me feelings of tranquility and peace with the world that I don’t get in my male personna.” She had apparently done some voice work, as it was not as masculine as I would have expected from the estimated 6’ 2” (before the 3 1⁄2” heels) and her makeup was well done and not overdone but didn’t quite cover her beard shadow. Her skirt and blouse were tasteful and age-appropriate.

“I’m Terri, I’m 38 and have been living full time as a female for 4 ½ years. I am still trying to save for the operation, but I have found a partner who is happy with me as I am, and I’m starting to think a wedding is higher priority than the operation.” She was probably the most passable in the room at about 5’ 6” and wearing a pant-suit that revealed a very femanine shape and flats. Her voice did not betray her male origin.

“I’m Julie, I’m 41. I’ve felt female as long as I can remember, but I lived the first 21 years of my life very unhappy trying to present as male. I started my real life trial when I started medical school. I did my surgical transition shortly after graduation. I hope to use my experience to help others in their gender journeys.”

“I’m Jean, I’m 51. I’ve been crossdressing 35 years, but the compulsion seems to be getting stronger.” The rather frilly dress she wore, looked almost comical on the linebacker body with the very masculine voice.

“I’m Jennifer, I’m 24. I’m 8 months into my real life trial.” She was in a maroon tracksuit and looked pretty androgynous except the small mounds on her chest and her flowing auburn curls. Her voice was androgynous too.

“I’m Allison, I’m 20. Sometimes I feel like a boy, sometimes like a girl. I have tried to present androgynously since I started college, but that seems to have only created more confusion, both internally and externally.”
That completed the circuit of the room, and Julie took charge again, “Now that we have introduced ourselves, I suggest we sample the homemade chocolate chip cookies and lemonade that Charli’s mom gifted us.” This led to a virtual stampede into the kitchen.

As we stood at the back of the line, Jane said to me “You are very natural and pretty as a girl. I can see how you might have trouble presenting as a boy.”

I felt a slight blush, but replied, “I think growing up in a female-only environment, I picked up the accent. Now the world doesn't want to accept me as a boy, but welcomes me as a girl.”

“That’s kind of a mirror image of the problem most of us have.” replied Jane.

We each collected a small plate of cookies and a glass of lemonade and returned to the living room.

As we all settled back into our seats, Julie reopened: “If I gauge the room correctly most of us would like to know more about Charli. Charli, can you tell us about your feelings on gender, growing up?”

I was a little uncomfortable with all eyes on me. “When my mothers homeschooled us, my sister and I were taught everything together from reading and writing to cooking and carpentry. Gender didn’t make much difference. I had a penis, so I was a boy, but that didn’t affect what I was taught or what was expected of me.”

“So you haven’t always felt like a girl trapped in a boy’s body?” asked Jane.

“I have never known what it feels like to be a girl or a boy, or if anything felt different, I was just me. It is only since leaving that protected environment that I see that the world attaches so much else, to being a boy or a girl. What I have learned is that this world, I am trying to move into, is much more welcoming when I present as a girl than when I present as a boy.”
`
“That’s different. Most of us with experience on both sides of the gender divide, would say the world is biased for men and boys, and against women and girls.” interjected Terri. Most of the room nodded in agreement.

“Then why would you want to change from male to female?” I asked.

“It’s more a need than a want. There is something inside saying you are really a woman, that makes living as a man very uncomfortable and feel like a fraud. It can be very isolating and make one feel very alone.” answered Terri. “I have found someone I love very much, and who makes me feel very loved. I doubt I could have done that hiding behind a male mask. That alone makes my transition worth it.”

“I don’t seem to have an inner direction on boy or girl. I have parts that say I’m a boy. But when I try to present as a boy, the world says there is something wrong about you, we don’t want anything to do with you. When I try to present as a girl, they say you are pretty, welcome to our world.” I said.

“Do you feel different when you present as a girl than when you present as a boy?” asked Jean.

“I feel like I’m the same me, but the world treats me differently.” I answered.

“You don’t feel like one way your being yourself, and the other your pretending to be someone else?” asked Jean.

“No, I feel like I’m myself either way. It’s just that I’m treated differently depending on how I dress.” was my reply.

“I think people want to classify you one way or the other. When they have trouble deciding, they get uncomfortable and withdraw. I suspect when you presented as a boy, your gestures and vocal patterns gave mixed signals, confusing people and making them tend to withdraw. I think my experiments with androgyny may be more authentic for me, but they are not well accepted.” said Allison.

I thought people are not rejecting boy Charlie, they are withdrawing from a stranger who is confusing them with a mix of boy signals and girl signals. They accept girl Charli because they don’t have trouble classifying her as a girl.

“Yes, the harder it is for people to classify you, the more difficult interactions with them will be.” added Jean.

“I have trouble with the idea of having no internal gender orientation. I have felt like a girl as long as I can remember, it seems like that feeling has always been there.” Said Jennifer.

“It’s true, gender orientation forms very early. But Charlie had little exposure to males and she had little exposure to the gender differentiation and expectations that most of us grow up with. She is aware of sexual differences, but comparatively new to gender differences.” stated Julie.

“Allison, do you have any comments on your internal gender compass?”

“Mine has never pointed in one direction clearly. Sometimes it seems to spin wildly, but mostly I feel somewhere in the middle. And people don’t accept the middle very well.” replied Allison.

“I think it would be better if people didn’t put so much importance on gender and make so many assumptions based on gender. They should just get to know people as individuals.” I stated.

“Amen. But we have to live in the world as it is, not as we wish it was.” said Jennifer.

Other than a couple other muttered Amens it was quite.

Julie broke the silence with “Charli, will be starting at a girl’s school. It will be her first time
in a regular classroom as she has only been homeschooled. Do any of you have any advice for her?”

“Make friends. Friends are what make school bearable.” said Jennifer.

“If you can don’t let them know you are trans. You can pass as a regular girl. Generally, you will get treated better as a girl than as a trans girl.” Said Terri.

“It might be a good idea to take some martial arts or self-defense classes.” said Jean.

“Pay attention to your grooming. It is more important as a girl than as a boy.” Said Jane.

“Pursue your own interests and learn on your own. Don’t depend on the teachers to guide you.” came from Allison.

“Have fun. Don’t let studies or teenage angst overwhelm you.” said Elaine.

“This would be a good point to end the group meeting and just socialize and enjoy the refreshments.” said Julie.

Jane leaned over to me and said, “You are a very impressive 14-year-old. I wish I could adopt you as a granddaughter.

“I’d love you as an honorary grandmother. Give me your phone, and I’ll give you mine as soon as I get a cell phone. Very soon, I hope.”

She got a pad from her purse, wrote her name and phone number on it and handed it to me, and said, “I hope to hear from you soon, young people seem to ignore their grandparents so often.”

Terri was next, “You seem to have your thoughts together better than most 14 year-olds. But be careful, this is a decision you have to make for yourself, not for others.”

“Congratulations on your engagement.” I said.

“Thank you, It’s something I never expected to happen to me. Sometimes life surprises you in good ways.” Terri replied.

“This gender stuff came as a big surprise, I hope it turns out good.” I answered.

“I think whatever you decide it will come out good. You seem like someone who will succeed at whatever you decide to do.” Terri responded.

Jean was next, “If I looked as good as you do, I would go girl in a flash!”

“I don’t think looks are that important. How kind and caring they are is much more important.” I replied.

“Well, looks are more important for girls. And as a girl you are truly blessed.” was Jean’s gruff reply.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, and leave it at that.” I replied, not understanding where Jean was coming from.

Elaine asked me, “You're not making a special effort to be feminine?”

“If you don’t count wardrobe selection, hairstyle, jewelry and makeup.” I replied.

“But you’re just speaking and gesturing naturally?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m beginning to see that is my problem trying to present as a boy.” I answered.

“The bright side is you have conquered what for many of us is one of the harder parts of transitioning.” Said Elaine.

“If asked to identify the genetic girl in the room, most people would pick you.” Said Allison who was standing nearby and listening to us.

“I didn’t realize there was a genetic girl. Are you?” I asked.

“Guilty,” answered Allison. “I’m glad to no longer be the baby of the group. So welcome and I hope you continue to come.”

“I hope you do too. I find your situation fascinating, even though. I’ve never met or even read about someone like you.” said Elaine.

“We are all different, but can all help each other. We are all learning to deal with a society that wants to label us male or female and wants to attach lots of baggage with the label. I found this meeting more helpful than I expected it to be, and intend to be back.”

“I gather you are just getting your first real taste of our society and schools?” asked Allison.

“Yes, I have only been homeschooled and until recently only had contact with my mothers and sister.” I replied.

“If you need help adjusting to school or socially, you can call me, though I don’t claim to be an expert or even average socially.” with that I collected another number for my soon to be phone.

When the meeting broke up, Julie asked, “How did you find the meeting?”

“Better than I expected. Most of the people were nice and trying to help.” I answered.

“Most?” queried Julie.

“Well, Jean seamed bitter and hostile. And I don’t understand why.” I said.

“It’s not anything you did. Jean’s gender dysphoria is flaring and she is in denial. I suspect she is jealous of how easily you present as a girl. And Jean is normally pretty cynical, bitter and hostile.” Explained Julie.

“That fits. I also came to the realization that people were not rejecting boy Charlie, just shying away because he was giving mixed boy-girl signals.” I said.

“That’s a very astute and important observation. People often feel rejected, when something very different is going on. When you feel rejected, it is good to step back and ask, is that really what is happening or is it something else. You continue to amaze me with your maturity and understanding.” said Julie.

I had read all I could about transgender, but meeting real people made it much more real. They wanted to help me, even though I still felt different from them. Something that had bothered me, was driven home. They (except Allison) had some inner drive to be feminine despite their bodies being male. I could not find any inner direction pointing to either a boy or girl, only a wish I could just forgo the label and be myself, whatever that might be."

Julie replied, "You are just starting a long journey, don't be afraid to discuss your situation, or afraid to seek help."

I returned to my room to listen to some music, and try to sort through the many thoughts floating around in my head.

Joy burst into the room, “Do you want to see my new outfit?”

“Of course!” I answered as Joy skipped back to her room to change and model for me.

Though I had found the transition to feminine easy and found shopping more fun, I doubted I would ever have the enthusiasm for clothes (and jewelry, and makeup) that most girls like Joy had.

Joy came back in a pretty lavender skirt with a floral pattern paired with a white blouse that showed the shape her training bra gave her and a pair of black patent 1” kitten heels. She radiated her euphoria at taking this small step toward womanhood. I’m sure mom felt her reaction was worth the price of the outfit.

“Very pretty, It gives you a more grown-up look. It seems you had a good time shopping.” I commented.

“It was great, but it would have been more fun if you were there too. How was your meeting?” asked Joy.

“Better than I expected. The people were mostly nice and tried to be helpful.” I answered.

“Were they weird?” she asked.

“Not really. Some gave mixed male-female signals, which was a little strange. I came to the realization that was the problem I was having as boy Charlie. I was speaking and acting like a girl and that confused people.” I said.

“You really didn’t have much for male role models. So it wasn’t really your fault.” She tried to console me.

“Yeah. I didn’t realize what was going on. I thought I was being rejected for lack of football knowledge. But really they were avoiding me because they didn’t know how to react to me.” I said.

“You are probably right. But I think anyone who made an effort to get to know you, would like you and want you as a friend,” replied Joy.

“I guess we will get to test that theory when we start school. It’s getting late and we have interviews with the headmistress in the morning. It’s time we go to bed.”

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Sorry for the time between installments, but I haven't been very motivated. I know this makes it hard for readers.
I think I have created a different character and situation, but I don't know if anyone can relate or cares, so comment or PM.

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