I awoke Saturday morning as the light was just starting to break up the darkness in my room. I got out of bed, slipped on a housecoat, and decided to see if I could explore the house without getting lost. I peeked in at Lisa and she was snoring. I went downstairs and saw a room with a light on. It was my dad’s home office. He was at his computer reading some gibberish. “Hi, Daddy!”

He jumped a little … he always got absorbed in his work. “Hey … Sarah! Come in! Sorry … still working on the name.” He leaned back in his chair to pause in his work to give me his full attention. It’s just a little thing, but I’ll bet a lot of dads would keep working and try to ‘multi-task’ having a conversion with his daughter. That’s the way it was with my dad, not only did he excel at the major aspects of parenting, he also got the details right. Family came first. I think this type of detail was as important an indication of his character as the big things.

I sat in a chair near his desk. “It’s OK daddy. I’m the same way. I’ll have to practice ignoring anyone if they say, ‘Hey, Tracy’ or ‘Hey, little boy!’”
Dad smiled. “You keep dressing the way you dressed last night, and you’ll never be called ‘little boy’! My goodness, you and Lisa were beautiful!”

I smiled at him and sat in a chair near his desk. “Daddy, for years, we thought I was a boy, and I hated it. Things turned out great for me, but suppose I was actually a boy and I came to you and mom and told y’all I hated being a boy and wanted to get a sex change? How would you have reacted?”

His smile disappeared. “Wow! Really?” He picked up his pen and clicked it a couple of times as he usually did when he needed to think. “Well, The Bible is not as clear on that issue as a lot of people think. It says, ’Male and female created he them.’ It also says, ‘there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus’. Under the scenario you put forth, I have to say, I would answer that question on my knees. I would pray until God led me in the way He would have me go. The Bible seems a little more clear on homosexuality, but if a man becomes a woman by surgical means, is it homosexuality if ‘she’ subsequently marries a man? I just thank God I don’t have to deal with questions of that nature! Did you consider asking me and your mom about surgery when you thought you were actually a boy?”

“Yes, daddy, many times.”

“Really! Honey, I’m sorry you had to deal with that alone. What kept you from bringing it up?”

“Well, one time you and mom were watching something on TV, and you expressed your opinion very clearly about transsexuals.”

His head dropped a little. “Well, I guess the answers are very clear as long as the questions are only rhetorical. As I said, I’m glad I never had to answer the question for real. I will tell you this, had you come to me and asked me that, my attitude would have changed drastically. I’m sorry now that I verbalized such opinions in your hearing. I’m only human, and I was clear about the answers because I thought such issues had nothing to do with me or my family. It’s easy to take a rigid stand when it’s regarding someone on TV that I’ve never seen or heard of. Had my own son come to me with such a problem, I can promise you that the ‘hard-ass’ you heard giving an opinion that day would have melted to jelly. You know I don’t usually talk like that, but I’m trying to emphasize how bad I feel that I would say things that would intimidate you enough to keep something so important from me. Let me say it again, I apologize for the way I talked and the way I made you feel when I said those things. In retrospect, it was immature and cruel of me to take such a stand.”

“Daddy, I never would have used the words ‘immature’ or ‘cruel’ to describe you!”

“Well honey, I’m not perfect. Maybe I put up a good front, but I still have questions, doubts, and fears just like anyone else. I don’t have anywhere near all the answers. God didn’t intend for mankind to know all His ways. I know I’ve just recently quoted the scripture for you that says, ‘for now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known’.”

“Daddy, it’s beautiful when you quote The Bible.”

“The Bible has to be a collection of the most beautiful books ever written. It’s also been the most studied, pondered, and criticized literature mankind has ever seen. This is, of course, because it is the Inspired Word of God. Now, many will say, ‘That’s your opinion’, but it’s more than that; it’s my absolute belief and my sincere conviction. If someone tried to convince me that The Bible is not perfect, or that other books are equally important, I would hear their words as mindless chatter, if not downright evil.”

“Well Daddy, you may not have all the answers, but I’ll bet you’re closer than most people get.”

“Maybe so, but if The Bible doesn’t have an answer we need, we should get on our knees and seek for an answer directly from Him.”

“Also, Daddy, I wasn’t completely alone. I had Lisa and she was a great help to me when I was down. She actually threatened to go to you and Mom herself and clue you in. There were times I was almost wishing she would, but she wouldn’t as long as I told her not to.”

“I’m sorry, Honey, from what you’re saying, you agonized about this. Once more, I regret expressing strong opinions in your hearing. Certainly, if I had had a clue that it was an issue so close to home, I would have behaved differently. But, I was blindly believing that you would come to me or your mom about anything.”

“It turned out cool, Daddy. OK, while I’m asking questions, how about this one? Do you remember the first time you thought I might be a girl?”

“Honestly, Honey, I had no idea until the medical tests told the tale. It’s ironic, my work involves gene research and then something like this happens. It’s so rare, though, that I didn’t think about it.”

“Well, when was the first time you thought I wasn’t like other boys? Let me put it more correctly: when was the first time you thought I wasn’t like boys?”

“Well, I remember the date; it was August 13th, 1999.”

“The day I was born?”

“Yes, someone said, ‘it’s a boy!’ I looked at you and thought, ‘a boy? No, there’s no penis! I had to look closer. Finally, I saw it, and I thought to myself, ‘That’s the tiniest penis I’ve ever seen!’ But I had never seen a just-born baby before, so I thought it must be normal, and your ‘parts’ would grow to normal size. Actually, I had seen Lisa when she was born, just a couple of weeks earlier but, as you probably know, she had no penis at all.”

“Daddy, you’re silly.”

“Honest! She didn’t … still doesn’t … far as I know!”

“Daddy! That’s not what I mean!”

“I know, Honey. I want you to know, I’m glad I don’t have a son with a tiny penis.”

“I’m glad you don’t have a son also unless I had a brother!”

“That’s unlikely, but not completely out of the question. Your mom and I are not elderly, yet.”

“Cool. Brother or sister, I’ll take either.”

“You’re not picky, huh?”

“Nope, just as long as we’re certain which.”

“Right, no more guessing. So, what are your plans for the day?”

“I don’t know. Lisa hasn’t told me.”

“She’s forceful, like Katy.”

There was a stack of magazines on his desk. I glanced at them and saw part of a face that looked familiar. I pulled it out of the stack and there he was … my dad … on the cover of one of his science journals! The caption read: ‘Dr. James Brooks and the future of genetic research’.

“Daddy! Why didn’t you tell us about this?

“No big deal.”

“No big deal! Come on Dad!”

“It’s a trade magazine. It’s read by … maybe 50 people in the country. The article does, however, put my company in a very good light, and that doesn’t do me any harm!”

“Daddy, every day you just get better and better.”

He smiled. “Every day, I love you more and more!” Then he added, “All my family, actually.”

“Your family worships you … Especially Lisa.”

“Well, she and Katy were dealt a bad hand when it comes to husband and father. There’s just no explaining it. Steve was from a good family … well educated … good job. I don’t understand how he could let it all go.”

“What did he do?”

“It started with prescription drugs. Then get alcohol in the mix and you have the potential for … well … the potential for exactly what happened to Steve. Just before he left, he was well medicated and lubricated 24 hours a day.”
“I feel so bad for Lisa.”

“She’s resilient … again, like Katy. They’re both better off without him, and I’m glad we can help them. Katy’s online business is going really well. I’m sure they could manage, but I feel a lot better with them here. Your mother feels the same way. Also, of course, Lisa has been such a good friend to you, and will be a big help for you in the coming months. This situation is so unusual! How do you feel about it, now that it has had a little time to sink in?”

“I’m good! Every once in a while, I think about things that happened in the past that make sense now, but at the time they were just ... screwy.”

“One thing about it; you have more insight into the opposite sex than most girls do. I’m sure you’re not so enamored of boys as so many teen-aged girls seem to be.”

“That’s an understatement! Boys are rotten!”

“They are, but some of them grow into good men. It’s hard to say which of them. So many of them don’t have a male figure to emulate.”

“Daddy, I think that was actually part of my problem in the past. I looked at you, and realized I could never even come close to you.”

“Yes, and if you emulate me too much now there’s something wrong with one or both of us, but you have my female counterpart that you can emulate. That’s your mom, of course. She’s every bit a match for me … but as a female. Hopefully, someday you’ll find a partner like her. Maybe a guy …?”

“I don’t know, dad. Any girl who could go through what I’ve been through would probably be turned off to guys. I mean … I don’t see any guys my age who I think will ever grow up to be anything like you.”

“You’re looking at the wrong guys. You’re looking at the cool guys who think the girls are blessed to be around them. Believe it or not, I was not cool in high school.”

“Daddy! You were a nerd?”

“Yes. That’s what they would call me now. But, after high school, the nerds and only a few of the cool guys go to college. There, the cool guys realize they’re not all that cool, while the nerds thrive. Then, of course, I continued to graduate school, then on to pursue my doctorate. When I got my doctorate, I was finally cool ... really cool … not some schoolboy who thinks he’s ‘Gods’ gift’.”

I held up the magazine with his picture. “You are cool, daddy. Here’s proof right here!”

Lisa had just slipped into the room. Her eyes got big and she took the magazine. “Is this for real? Uncle James, you’re famous!”

“I’m famous only in this house … and a very few other people.”

Lisa corrected herself, “Let me rephrase that, “Daddy, you’re famous!”

“In other circumstances, I’d say, ‘Don’t call me that.’, but, in this case, that’s up to you … and your mom.”

“She’ll be ok with it. She’s been a big fan of yours for a long time!”

“So we’re really sisters!” I interjected.

My dad leaned back in his chair. “We’re all family. That’s what counts. Lisa, I’m proud to have you and your mom as part of my family. So, girls, what’s the plan for today?”

“We could go swimming,” Lisa suggested. “I have a bathing suit. Sarah, maybe you have an old boys’ bathing suit in one of those boxes.”

Dad shook his head. “Buy her a bathing suit. I know there’s a big fence around the back yard, but I wouldn’t want to walk out by the pool and get a surprise.”

“Dad, when you said ‘buy’ you said one of Lisa’s magic words. You know … buy … shopping.”

“Well, girls, in this case, it’s a necessity. One-piece, bikini, whatever. She needs a bathing suit. Oh, when I say ‘one-piece’, I mean top and bottom together. Guess you could say a boys’ suit is a one-piece … oh … you know what I mean!”

"Daddy, you always overanalyze!"

“Well, in my business things have to be exact.”

“Yeah, Lisa, otherwise they might come up with someone with three arms!”

“We’re not in the business of ‘making’ people! We’re mapping the human genome for a multitude of purposes … cures for diseases ….”

“Daddy, please, you knew I was joking, right? I know you don’t create people.”

“Oh … yes. I just want you to understand a little about what I do ... and don’t do.”

“We do understand, Daddy, a little.”

“So, y’all are going shopping?”

“Of course, Daddy. We’re gonna get my sister a bathing suit!”

“When I say ‘bikini’, y’all realize I mean something decent, right.”

“Daddy,” I protested, “there is a fence!”

“Decent!”

“For you, Daddy, I’ll get more than decent. I promise!”

“Thank you. See one of your moms for funds. If you put it on my card, the company would wonder why I’m buying a girl’s bathing suit. Also, I trust y’all, but I would like to see that new bathing suit.”

“Ok, Daddy, see you tomorrow?”

“Probably … at the soonest.”

We headed out to find a mom to finance my quickly evolving addiction to shopping. We found both Aunt Katy and my mom eager to be enablers, as well as accompaniment. My quickly developing femininity would soon be well upholstered with little regard for cost.

Next: Tasmanian Devils