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I'm about as discouraged as I have been in a very long time, and it is arguable that most of what is stressing me is my own damn fault. There are a couple stories on here that are extremely moving to me, spot on regarding the issues that face post op, out T folk. Recently, my own T life has been more pleasant than at first, but these stories cause me to remember the really painful years.
Then some poor soul, a Veteran, decided he was mad at people who tried to help him, and killed a bunch of them. I am sure that will help! I am sorry for the women he killed. I am also sorry for those of us who will now face increased scrutiny when we go to the VA, despite the fact that since leaving the Military, most of us have never committed a single violent act. I won't even write about what I am concerned their response toward us will be...
There is an area that has been a bulwark in my life and is very responsible for helping me to not do myself in. I won't mention them specifically. A couple months ago, they apologized to me for not being more supportive to me when I first got sick. I never expected to live long enough to hear that. The "other" organization I had been a member of was very upset and accused me of dire evil, as I had feared they would. I learned as much as if I had taken a College course in Abnormal Psychology, the consequences of conditioning and brainwashing; how to leave a cult. Now I view all such organizations with a jaundiced eye. If you sus out what I have been talking about for the last paragraph, please don't lecture me and make rude comments? I hurt enough.
As you all know, families can be right basterds and mine is no exception; violating every principle I tried to teach them as they grew up. After 13 years I had almost completely resigned myself to the idea that they were gone and not coming back. THEN, out of the blue, my daughter texted me and wanted to have dinner. Defying all logic, I agreed and stupidly built up hopes that this would lead to more good things. Of course it did not and the aftermath feels worse than if she'd simply left me alone.
Lastly, I've been indulging in a lot of "The Hair of the Dog", and now I am depressed, and feel right stupid for doing it. I'm almost out of it and for my own good do not plan to refill the keg for a long while. I deserve to get my pink panties bloodied with a quirt, but it is doubtful that anyone will administer a proper beating to me.
I hope that I have not bored anyone.
Gwen
Comments
Life's little ups and downs
are what we have to face all the time.
It sounds to me like you might be having a dose of SAD. Never mind spring is just around the corner.
Why not take a trip out of the city to the coast and let the wind blow those blues away?
A change of scenery can work wonders you know.
Samantha
I tried to read between the lines, but ...
all I can sus out is that you are in dire need of a truckload of hugs. First shipment is on its way.
Sara
Between the wrinkles, the orthopedic shoes, and nine decades of gravity, it is really hard to be alluring. My icon, you ask? It is the last picture I allowed to escape the camera ... back before most BC authors were born.
all I got is hugs, hon
please know you're loved.
There's no doubt...
...there are a lot of incredibly miserable stories on BC, people reliving their horrors, believing it will help them.
Here's a simple rule for the future. Avoid those kind of stories. Read happy stories; silly stories; stories full of joy. As a plug, you could start with mine.
As for the news, I've given up following it closely in recent months. You can guarantee you won't come away from that feeling happy. You are not responsible for it, so don't get involved with it.
In other words, switch off from the things causing you misery, rather than rolling in the mire and making yourself worse.
And my very best wishes
Charlotte
Gwen sadly exceptions have come to rule...
both individual and corporate media. I as a retired pastor may be part of another offending group, by the malignancy of judgment or benign neglect. I feel terrible for you concerning your recent family contact. If like me you were hoping that time would bring healing and understanding, I can appreciate you being open to the possibility.
The lack of patience and grace by churches is disheartening. It was not part of my ministry. Though I had critics about being there for people. Ministering is as simple or neat and clean as some people of faith would have it.
I have ministered to many vets, who have become defensive in reaching out to others. I am better at being open and dialoguing than one who has the answers. I have been a student and minister of vets from WWi and the Spanish-American wars on. Mostly WWII, and Vietnam and then the last thirty years. Only now am I hearing some from Korean War Vets.
With Love and sadness, Jessie C
Jessica E. Connors
Jessica Connors
Let the past go, not the lessons learned.
I have to agree about news and stuff, I have not had a telly since 1995 and my life certainly is much better for it. If you want to read something that will cheer you up read George Sand: La petite Fadette. (I hope it got translated).
But as one general rule I will give you this: The only person you can change is yourself. Accept, that you need to accept and forgive yourself, if you want to be accepted and forgiven. After all, you should be the first to love yourself. It is difficult, I know, with all the guilt indoctrination we had. But it is possible. It takes trust in Life.
Believe me, nothing in this world happens by chance. We have to learn to embrace the good and the bad, as it all makes sense in a larger context. Duality is what this universe is made of, we decide which side to see and integrate. That is what free will is all about.
Lots of love,
Monique.
Monique S