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I really hate the fact that my automatic response to being complimented is to try and downplay it.
Why cant I accept that someone said something nice about me?
Grr ... stupid brain ...
a struggle with compliments
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Comments
Dorothy
Your third sentence is the answer to your second sentence. No, not that you have a stupid brain, you obviously have a smart brain. It's that you have trained yourself to not accept you are a wonderful person. Try eliminating all automatic put downs of yourself, and accept complements when they are given. If you can train yourself to automatically say "thank you" (with no downplaying) when someone gives a complement, they will feel good and I believe you will too. I sincerely try to live my life that way.
Wendy K
Edited for clarity
You missed our gaming session for Friday
Compliment yourself and feel better by helping us bash these bandits today, Saturday, sometime between 12 noon eastern time to 6 pm eastern time. Your gracious DM April, will be waiting for all of us to attend this major battle. (your exp last week was 1980 pts.)
I can then compliment you on being present with me, Alyssa, Keltraya, Ekkethessial, April, and Altrianna. We need you. We will probably fail without you. So Please be there hon.
See? I complimented you. The only bad compliment, is the one not said.
Sephrena, Valeria, victim of her goddess Aleria ^^
Issue With Compliments
I have a hard time with this myself, Dorothy, I expect a lot of people find it hard to accept compliments.
Part of the problem is that many, but not all of us, have been put down by others often enough that we end up believing we're less able or capable than we actually are. That can often turn into our putting ourselves down, which doesn't help.
If one is belittled often enough, one eventually loses any faith in one's self. This can make it very difficult to see the good inside us.
After enough of being belittled, actually getting compliments can have us wondering if we really deserve them or are they being nice.
In any case, there are lots of folks here that love you as you are and want to help you and offer support.
Wendy gave you excellent advice. You need to make a new habit of accepting and thanking the person that complimented you. It can be difficult to do this, but the end result, that of being able to be more confident in yourself, is worth the struggle, I would say.
The other shoe has dropped
Dorothy, like you, I have suffer from this. Just want to let you know that your other shoe has dropped and it's filled with love and understanding. The abuse, we had endure as children and into our adult lives takes time to wash away, as it did to build it up. May I suggest that you allow yourself to be compassionate to yourself. as part of your healing process. One strategy that I have been taught is write down a list of things that you are thankful for having. Doesn't matter, if the list is only a single item to start with. You'll be surprised over time, as the list grows, with your inner self acceptance.
With these words, I wish a safe and happy Labour Day long weekend, Dorothy. You'll have earn it.
therisa
It's a common problem
Which I've used as a storyline several times in Bike. For many it's due to upbringing it certainly was in my case. I try to deal with it in acknowledging the genuine ones by thanking the complimenter, anything else would be ungracious.
Angharad
As Others Have Said...
...it's a common problem. And it's one I've had at least since adolescence.
Having a good self-image probably helps. I can accept and even feel cheerful when complimented for things I'm proud of. (Though there's still the question in my mind whether I deserve kudos for doing something that's effortless for me.) Compliments about personal issues are something else entirely.
In either case, there's a strong tendency to dismiss the compliments. The perception is that in the positive case they're not needed and in the negative one they're not deserved. (Criticisms, on the other hand, can be hard to dismiss -- not only do you want or need to determine whether they're merited but also, if they're not, what you did wrong to cause them.)
My take, anyway. YMMV, especially if you don't tend toward Aspergers as I do.
Eric