A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows

by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare

Chapter 10 - The End

The bus had come to an unscheduled stop and for the last hour hadn't moved. The sight of static traffic ahead didn't bring any comfort. Somebody three seats in front had telephoned a friend and it appears there was an accident just before the motorway junction. For the hundredth time I looked at my watch. In twenty minutes Mum would be home. Even if all the traffic disappeared it would take the bus ten to fifteen minutes to drop me off. Then another ten minutes to walk home. As I stared blankly at the non-moving traffic, I was looking at visions of my own impending death.

"Are you okay miss?" asked the elderly gentleman sat next to me. "You look white as a sheet."

"I'm fine thanks," I responded trying to keep from throwing up.

I looked away into the brown frozen fields on my left. Whatever crop the farmer had planted obviously hadn't started to show growth yet. I looked down at the bottom of my dress and legs covered with tights.

"Perhaps Mum might accept this as part of a joke," I thought to myself. That idea quickly vanished as I remembered what was in my bags; a skirt, a pair of ladies jeans, two tops, socks, tights and five pairs of panties.

The engine of the bus spluttered to life and started to slowly inch forward. "Perhaps Mum is running late," I thought. I might get away with it. Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed as we travelled no more than half a mile before we again shuddered to a halt.

The days since Anna left have been hell. When I got home after Anna left I went to my room and broke down. Since then I hadn't stepped out of the house. I couldn't even bring myself to attend church last Sunday. The only things that temporarily brightened my days were calls from Anna. Today, Tuesday the 4th January, was the day my Mum had gone back to work, the first day I'd left the house since Anna left and also the first day I'd dressed as a girl without help. This certainly would be a day to remember.

Mum was a firm but fair mother. She was extremely kind but if she was upset with you then the whole house would tremble with fear and trepidation. I tried to think when Mum was last angry and the only thing I could think of was with Dad. A few days later he'd moved to Milton Keynes. I doubt it could have been anything as serious as being caught dressed in women's clothing so I was certainly expecting the worst.

Over the next thirty minutes we occasionally inched forward until we were insight of the junction. A lorry had jackknifed and was blocking part of the roundabout. The police where directing traffic letting different junctions take turns to use the roundabout and go either way to avoid the lorry.

Eventually it was our turn. Our normal route, going clockwise, was blocked by the lorry so we had to swing right and go the wrong way round. Once past the junction the road was clear and we made our way towards my doom.

Mum was never late home so unless something had gone wrong with her car I didn't stand a chance. I thought about ringing home but didn't want to explain my lateness when I was so stressed out. I pondered on the situation and eventually dialled Beth's mobile.

"Hi Beth," I said, "It's your little sis here."

"WHAT!?" explained a shocked Beth. "Let me take this upstairs."

About fifteen seconds later an out of breath Beth said, "Right I'm away from listening ears. Now please don't say you're out as Jill."

"'Fraid so," I replied. "There was an accident on the way back and the bus is running about two hours late. I take it Mum is home."

"Oh yeah she's home. She is also upset about something that went wrong at work."

"Just my luck," I replied. "I take it there's no chance of you tying her to one of the kitchen chairs is there?"

Beth just giggled, "No. You seem to be taking your impending doom rather well."

"Well what other way is there? She was bound to find out one day. I'd just hoped it was when I was older."

The bus stopped to let me off and I trudged up the hill towards home. As I approached the house I noticed that the outside light was on. I crossed my fingers and hoped that as I opened the front door my Mum wouldn't hear me. I slowly turned the knob and opened the door. The aroma of a nicely cooked meal filtered up my nostrils.

"Ah your home," said Mum opening the kitchen door.

I stood there watching Mums reaction as she saw me.

"The meal will be ready in about half an hour," she said her face not giving anything away. Her eyes had been darting all over me, examining how I presented myself. "Go on into the lounge," she continued. "It looks like we need to have a chat."

Mum walked back into the kitchen and I just stood there stunned. I looked up and saw Beth watching from the top of the stairs. I was unsure why Mum appeared to be so calm and not screaming, it didn't make much sense. Beth seemed to understand my perplexity and she just shrug her shoulders indicating she didn't understand either.

Mum walked back out of the kitchen and said, "Beth, why don't you come down from the top of the stairs and join us." She again retreated back into the kitchen.

Beth came down the stairs and said, "How did she know I was there?"

"No idea," I replied. "However, I think we better go into the lounge before we get into trouble for not obeying Mum."

Mum came in carrying a tray with three wine glasses, three tumblers and a huge jug of freshly squeezed orange. She set it down on the coffee table and disappeared into the kitchen, returning this time with an open bottle of red wine.

"I know you only drink wine occasionally with a meal. However, you look very tense and worried so I thought this might calm you down a bit," explained Mum as she passed me a glass of the Californian wine.

"First things first," she started when she settled down in her chair. "What do you call yourself when your en femme?"

"Huh?" I stated still in Jill's voice and took a sip of wine. Then I saw Mums face frown. Ooops. "Sorry. I don't understand. What do you mean en femme?"

"What do you call yourself when you're dressed as a girl?"

This I could answer. "Jill," I replied. I then took a slightly larger sip of wine hoping the effects might deaden to sound of Mum impending verbal diatribe.

"I know Beth left early this morning," Mum said. "So I know you dressed yourself and appear to have done a fair job with your makeup. It looks like you learnt quite a lot playing Widow Twanky in the pantomime. Besides today how many times have you been out as Jill?"

"Only twice," I responded unsure of where Mum's questioning was leading. Mum didn't appear upset and I couldn't think why. I decided that for the moment I'd be better off not asking as it might set her off. She seemed deep in thought and I wondered what was going through her mind.

"Mmm," was her only utterance as she occasionally took a sip of wine.

"I take it one of the times was when you got up early to go shopping with Anna and Erika when their parents were house hunting. That night Beth said she hadn't seen Bill. I take it she did see Jill?"

"That was the first time out," I confessed. "Beth didn't have anything to do with it she just caught me."

Beth who had been on the orange juice decided the red wine might be a better bet, grabbed the last glass from the coffee table and poured herself a large glass full.

"Would you two stop worrying," said Mum putting her half drunk glass of wine down. "I'm not going to rip you to pieces. I just want to understand things. Now when was the other time?"

"The Wednesday before Christmas I went out with just Anna," I responded only slightly calmer.

"Interesting," responded Mum. "That was after you started officially seeing each other. How did she cope with you being Jill?"

I was shocked at how perceptive my Mum was. How did she know? If I didn't know better I would say that she knew somebody that had been through this situation before.

"Haven't you learnt yet that Mothers are all knowing?" she quipped seeing my face.

I gave a slight giggle at that which got another response from Mum, "That's sounds a lot better coming from Jill than Bill. If you're going to keep up the two roles then you need to work a lot harder at separating them. Boys don't giggle in that way but I've noticed that as Bill you've been doing so. Just be careful or people might either suspect or beat you up."

Wow, hang on there. Did Mum just accept Jill? I leaned across and whispered to Beth, "What have you done with our real Mum?"

Beth just sniggered and whispered back, "Search me but keep going; you're doing well."

Mum just looked at me as if she was waiting for me to say something. Oh yeah, she wanted to know about Anna's reaction. "At first she didn't know how to treat me and I was very worried. By the time we got to Wolverhampton I was very upset as we were hardly communicating. We had a quick chat to clear the air but things weren't the same. Later we bumped into Beth who took Anna away for a quick chat. After that things were better."

"So Beth what did you say to Anna? You didn't threaten her did you?" asked Mum

"Of course I didn't threaten her," said Beth sounding indignant. "Basically our chat was about who she loved and what she loved about them. She was seeing Jill as a separate person than Bill. I just reminded her that they were the same person."

"Is that it?" I asked as they were gone for nearly twenty minutes.

"Not quite. She was also concerned about how things would look being romantic with what appeared to be another girl. She knows a lesbian who came out a few years ago in a different area, some people took offence, and somebody physically hurt her."

"But that wouldn't happen here."

"You want a bet? Remember the strange assembly in early October about acceptance of gays? Well Jason Scanlon in my class came out as gay. About a dozen people got together and were going to lynch him. Fortunately the teachers heard and the gang were warned that if anything happened to him they would all be suspended and the police involved."

"No wonder she didn't want to hold my hand. After your chat she treated me like a very close sister. When we were on the bus she treated me like she treats Bill."

"She has one last concern which I think she still worries about but it is private," said Beth looking at Mum.

"I'll go and check on the meal," said Mum walking out the door.

I was getting thirsty so poured myself a glass of orange and at the same time topped up Beth's. "So?" I prompted her.

"Well," said Beth quietly, "She still worries that you're going to want to have a sex-change."

"She's still on about that?" I ranted my voice loosing its quietness. "We've talked about that a lot and she still worries."

"Shush," she hissed. "You know she's always fantasised about having children."

"I've told her many times that I might have to live as Jill but my defective body doesn't affect my ability to father children. I like having my penis and wouldn't want that to change. Though I think I'm too young to father a child yet."

"You'd better not or Mum will kill you. Then she'd pass the body to the Scott's for them to roast," she said giggling.

Mum came back in, "You two finished? Then let's eat and we can continue to discuss this afterwards. I don't want you stressed out during the meal so I insist on is that this doesn't get discussed till afterwards."

I just snorted. I didn't mean it to come out but it did. "Sorry but I don't see how I can stop worrying as I don't know what punishment your going to give me."

Mum sighed and said, "Have I ever said that dressing in women's clothes is against any rules?"

"No," I answered hesitantly.

"Then how can I punish you for it? In fact we only discussed a few weeks ago how I'd been giving you girls trousers for some time as they fit you better."

"So why so many questions?" asked Beth.

"I just want to know the situation," Mum explained, "If Bill wants to dress as Jill then that his choice but if he does then he must do it safely. Are you happier now?"

Beth and I nodded and we had a rather nice meal. I was still dressed as Jill and Mum didn't appear to mind. Beth chatted away and bizarrely this was one of the best meals I'd eaten since Anna had gone.

After Beth and I had washed up and cleaned the table we joined Mum in the lounge. For once there was no music on and she looked like she expected the earlier conversation to continue.

"Do you mind if I ask some more questions?" Mum asked.

"No," I answered warily as I still had some lingering worries. Mum was always truthful about things and if she didn't want to answer something she wouldn't lie but tell us straight that she wouldn't answer.

"Do you want to be a girl? Do you want to have a sex-change?"

I sighed, "No Mum I don't want to have a sex change. I have a dodgy body that has a female shape and female clothes fit better. I asked Anna and Erika for help as they were leaving and I needed somebody to teach me things I might need if my body got more feminine. I just didn't expect to like it as much as I do."

"So would you like to keep your male equipment but live as a woman?"

"I'm not sure," I confessed. "I've only been out three times."

"Well you seem to be thinking about things," commented Mum.

"Why are you so okay with this?" I asked. "I was expecting you to be upset."

"All I want is you to be happy", she replied.

"It's not just that, is it?" asked Beth who had been thinking hard for the last few minutes. "You know too much about this. You know somebody who's lived as the opposite sex or had a sex-change?"

"Yes," Mum confessed, "I know a transsexual but please don't ask who as I won't say."

Beth slipped back into deep thought. You could almost here the cogs turning. If she kept this up I'm sure I'd start to see smoke coming from her ears.

"So what did you buy?" Mum asked.

I got the bag and handed it too her. When she finished going through it she said, "You've been taught well as these are the type of things any girl you age would get. Some people starting off would get inappropriate items which would make them stand out. You appear to not have fallen into that trap."

A look of satisfaction suddenly erupted over Beth's face. If this was a cartoon she would have a light bulb flashing over her head. "Julia is a transsexual isn't she?"

"I already told you I'm not going to tell you," said Mum showing no emotion to give away if Beth's guess was correct.

Beth ignored Mum's refusal and continued, "Dad told you about Julia and you couldn't cope with a transsexual in the family. Since Julia lives in Milton Keynes why doesn't Dad come back home? Julia's the transsexual not Dad."

"Beth," warned Mum. "I asked you not to ask about what I know. Dad also has asked you not to ask about what was going on."

Just then the telephone rang which Mum answered. "Hi love," she said. It must be Dad.

She listened to what he was saying and then she asked, "When are you back? Okay, I'll tell the children. Love you too."

Mum hung up the phone. "Dad's going away for a few days. He won't be back till next Wednesday. He'll still try to ring sometime this weekend but he might have chance. If not it will be next Wednesday."

That dampened our moods as our calls with Dad were something we both looked forward to.

***

When I came down the stairs Mum was already eating her bowl of cereal. I walked up to her and giving her a hug said, "Thanks for being so supportive."

"My pleasure," she said returning the hug. "But I think you should be using Bill's voice when you're dressed like that."

Ooops. I'd forgotten to switch back. "Is this better?" I asked in Bill's voice.

I settled down to my breakfast and soon Beth walked in. She wasn't in such a hurry as she had a doctor's appointment at ten, which Mum was taking her to.

"I'm sorry I tried to wheedle information out of you," she apologised.

"That's okay," said Mum giving her daughter a kiss on her cheek. "Just remember the rules next time. They're there to protect you."

Soon I was on the way to school. For the first time in years I was making the journey on my own. When I got to the school door I noticed that I'd made the journey in record time. Strange, I must walk quicker without the girls.

As the crowds began to gather I made my way to the library. I would have gone to the music practice rooms but I knew they wouldn't be open yet. As expected the library was deserted so I thought I would attempt to find information about last nights discussion. Mum had referred to Transsexuals so I thought I would try and find some information. I searched but the only two references I could find were a short entry in the encyclopaedia and an even shorter entry in the dictionary. Perhaps the school didn't think it was a topic that children should know about.

When the bell for morning registration rang I made my way to the classroom. I took my normal seat next to the two empty ones that previously were occupied by Anna and Erika. As the teacher opened the class register I noticed two red lines crossed through their names. As far as the school was concerned, they were no more.

I sat quietly in the room as people chatted away about what happened during the Christmas break. This was not a conversation that I wanted to get into. Thinking about the departure of Anna just tore into my heart. The only person I was glad not to see in the class was Tom. I hopped that he'd been moved into another class but I knew people were never moved like that.

At just before eleven the school secretary, Miss Walker, came into the classroom and had a quiet whisper with the teacher.

"Bill can you please go with Miss Walker," asked the teacher.

As it was towards the end of the lesson I packed my bag and followed her.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked her.

"The headmaster asked to see you urgently," was the only information she would give.

When I got to the headmasters office instead of being asked to wait I was shown straight in. As I went in Mrs Harries who had been steaming down the corridor behind me was also told to go straight in.

Inside Mr Yates cramped and cluttered office sat two police officers. I began to panic. Had somebody got the police involved about Tom? Surely not as it was just a prank; it wasn't anything to involve the police with.

Mrs Harries also looked worried and looked questioningly at me. I just shrugged. I had no idea what was happening.

When we were seated one of the policeman said, "I'm PC Harry Ralph and this is PC Wendy Humphreys. Can you please confirm that your Paula Harries and Bill Toms?"

Mrs Harries and I both confirmed our identities.

"I've got some very sad news for both of you. This morning at approximately quarter to ten there was a road traffic accident involving two vehicles. The first car was driven by Mr Peter Harries and had Tom Harries as a passenger. The other car was driven by Mrs Carol Toms and had Beth Toms as a passenger."

"How are they?" asked a stunned Mrs Harries.

"You husband suffered only minor cuts and was treated on scene. Your son however is being transferred to Birmingham Children's Hospital due to extensive injuries to his lower body."

"And my Mum and sister?" I prompted the policeman.

"They have both been taken to New Cross hospital. They are both in surgery."

"How did the accident happen?"

"Witness reports are still being collated. However your husband, when breathalysed, was found to be four times over the legal limit. Initial indications are that he swerved in front of Mrs Toms car causing a collision."

"What will happen to him?" Mrs Harries asked.

"He has had his cuts dealt with and has been arrested. He is currently at Cannock police station."

"Good," she said. "I hope he rots there." She then turned to Mr Yates, "Is it okay if I have an emergency leave of absence so I can be with my son?"

"Of course," he answered. The turning to me he said, "Would you like me to take you to the hospital?"

"Thanks," I replied.

Mr Yates then picked up the phone on his desk and dialled his secretary. "Rachel, can you please bring in Bill Toms emergency contact detail."

Miss Walker came into the room with a single A4 piece of paper and handed it to her boss before leaving the room again

"Strange," he said looking at the sheet. "I don't have a contact number for your Dad just somebody called Julia."

"My Dad is away for a week," I said as last nights conversation filtered back into my brain. "Can I use the phone to call his office? They will know how to contact him."

Mr Yates just turned the phone round and said, "Dial 9 for an outside line."

I fished into my pocket and pulled out my diary. In it I had Planetwides number. "Hello," I said to the receptionist. "Can you put me through to Mr Scott, head of personnel?"

I was on hold for a few seconds. As I waited the policeman's radio crackled into life and he went outside. When it was answered I heard, "Mr Scott's office, Melanie speaking."

"Hi Melanie, can I speak with Mr Scott."

"I'm sorry but Mr Scott is currently in a meeting. I'm Mr Scott's secretary, can I help you?"

"No. This is an emergency, can you interrupt the meeting? My name is Bill Toms. My Dad works for Planetwide and his wife has just been involved in a serious road accident."

"I'll see what I can do, please hold."

While I waited the policeman came back. I've an update for you both. First you Bill, your sister is out of surgery and is expected to be fine. Your mother, however, is not looking as good and the doctors really need you and your Dad to visit."

He then turned to Mrs Harries, "Your son has finished being assessed and the hospital needs to speak with you regarding treatment."

I felt numb as I waited on the end of the phone. I was too shocked to cry and my heart was beating like a piston. Eventually I hear, "Hi Bill, Melanie says that your Mum's been in an accident."

"Both Mum and Beth were involved. Beth's going to be okay but the hospital says Mum isn't looking too good and has asked that Dad come urgently. Dad rang last night and said he was going to be away for a week. Do you have contact details?"

"I don't but I know who will," said Mr Scott all professional. "Are they at New Cross hospital in Wolverhampton?"

"Yes. Though I'm not sure what ward."

"Just turn on your mobile and I will get your Dad to ring you."

"Thanks," I said putting down the phone.

I looked up at Mr Yates, "Can we go now," I asked in a slightly trembling voice as I started to loose control of my emotions.

"Is there anything else?" he asked the police.

"No," they replied standing up. "We'll be on our way"

As we left the office we saw Mrs Harries coming out of the Deputy Heads office. "How's Tom?" he asked her.

"Not good. He has fractured legs and pelvis, a ruptured spleen, and it looks like part of his penis was severed."

I cringed at the thought of damage to my penis. "Are they going to have to make him a girl?" I asked.

Mr Harries shuddered when I made that insensitive comment, "I thing they're going to try and perform some plastic surgery to try and repair it. Though they say it's too early to tell how successful that will be."

Mrs Harries rushed to her car and with a squeal of tyres disappeared at speed into the distance.

During the journey to the hospital my mobile went off. I squinted through my blurry eyes at the display and it said DAD. "Oh Dad" I said as I answered the phone. I lost control of my emotions and burst into tears.

"George has just told me what has happened. I'm on the way to the airport and will be on a flight in about an hour. I should be at the hospital in about three hours. I've just got to the airport now and once checked in will ring the hospital. Hang on."

I hear the taxi driver say, 'That'll be twelve pounds fifty.'

Dad responded with, 'Keep the change.'

I then think I heard the taxi driver say 'Thanks love.' But it got muffled with the slam of a door.

"You won't be able to have your mobile on in the hospital so just hold tight. I'm on my way."

"But I thought you didn't want us to see you before we'd both left school."

"Or the circumstances changed. I think this is definitely a change in circumstances."

When we pulled into the hospital car park it was full. However, we were lucky as somebody was just leaving so within five minutes we were parked; paid the parking fee and were on the way to Accident and Emergency.

When we entered Accident and Emergency the waiting area was packed. A sign stated that the current waiting time was four hours. When the person before us had finished at reception we walked forward, "I believe a Carol and Beth Toms were brought in after a road accident. This is Carol's son. I'm his head teacher."

"Let me see," she said consulting her computer screen. "Ah yes. Beth is currently in ICU and Carol is in surgical recovery."

"Can you tell me how to get to surgical recovery?"

Armed with required directions we went in search of my Mum.

At the wards reception we again asked about my Mum. "Your Mum isn't very well," explained the nurse. "Let me get the doctor who will explain."

We sat down in a pair of stiff plastic chairs. When the doctor turned up our bottoms were beginning to feel sore.

"Hi, I'm Dr Patel. I take it your Bill Toms. However you are?" he asked looking at Mr Yates.

"I'm Keith Yates. I'm the headmaster where Bill goes to school."

"Ah," he said and then turned to me. "I've spoken with your father just after he last spoke with you and he is fully informed of your mother's condition. He said that when you arrived you were told to be fully apprised to the situation. However, due to client patient confidentiality, I'm not allowed to tell Mr Yates. If you come with me Bill I'll bring you up to speed. A nurse, Stacey Hill, will be there to make sure your okay."

"I'll see you later," I said to Mr Yates as I followed the doctor. I expected to go to an office but instead we went into a nice room with nicely padded easy chairs. There was a two seater settee which a nurse, who I suppose was Stacey, was sat. She looked like she was in her late twenties and had her brunet hair tied back into a high pony tail. Stacey indicated I should sit next to her and the doctor sat opposite.

"Let's start with your sister, Beth. She had minor surgery to repair a broken arm. She sustained a head injury which has resulted in a short term coma. We don't know how long the coma will last but we fully expect her to make a full recovery. Your mother however was very seriously injured as she took the full impact of the crash. I won't list all her injuries but they are too extensive to repair. There's no easy way to say this but she isn't expected to last more than another five or six hours."

At that point my emotions which had just settled down again fully bloomed and I became an emotional wreck. Stacey was there for me and kindly comforted me till I regained a little composure.

"Would you like to be with her?" he asked. "Before you answer please be aware that she is on two drips and has a monitor checking her vital signs. Therefore the room might look a little clinical."

"I want to be with her till the end," I said wiping the last remaining tears from my eyes. "Will it be okay if Mr Yates goes back to school? I promise to behave even though my Dad isn't here."

"I'll often be in the room checking on his mother," said Stacey backing me up with the doctor.

"Okay," he said relenting, "but don't tell anyone or I'll get it in the neck."

I walked back to see Mr Yates. He was stood by the torture chairs. I presume he couldn't take sitting on them any longer.

"Are you okay?" he asked when he saw my dishevelled look and tear stained face.

"I won't need you to take me back to school," I said. "So there is little point you hanging around. I want to stay with Mum till the end, which isn't long away." I said my heart aching at the impending loss. "Since Dad lives in Milton Keynes I don't even know if I'll be back at your school at all."

Mr Yates looked shocked at my revelation and sat back down on a chair. I think he thought Mum was just badly injured. "How long does she have," he asked in an unsteady voice.

"They're not sure," I replied. "They think five or six hours."

As I left with Stacey I heard him ask the nurse manning reception if there was a chapel where he could go and pray.

When I entered the room where Mum was I was shocked how cluttered the room was. To the right of the bed was a monitor showing heartbeat and blood pressure. It was bleeping in time with the heartbeat. On either side were two drips.

"What are the drips for?" I asked.

"The one on the left is a saline drip to keep her hydrated. The one on the right is for pain relief; without that your Mum would be in a lot of pain."

As I got closer I saw Mum was asleep. Her face was bruised and she didn't look at all well.

"Will she wake up at all?" I asked.

"Probably," she replied, "Why don't you sit next to her and talk to her. If you want to hold her hand then that's fine. However, be careful not to disturb the drip."

Stacey pulled up a chair next to the bed so I could be close. I sat myself down next to Mum and said, "Hi Mum."

"That's it. You talk to her. She might not respond straight away but she will hear what you say to her. I'll leave you two alone for a while but I'll be around if you need me."

I sat there wondering what to say. As I thought I gently stroked her hand. I thought of some of the good times that we'd had together; the holidays, the trips away, just the four of us together playing monopoly. It then dawned on me that my hopes of one day being a complete family were gone for ever. Even though I might have Dad back I would never have Mum. When Beth recovered, it would still be just three of us.

I began to recount some of the holidays that I remembered. The first I recounted was the holiday we had at Oban in Scotland where it rained all week. Next came the summer mountain holiday in Switzerland where Dad got terribly burnt legs

I felt her hand twitch a bit. She didn't open her eyes or say anything but I'd got some response so I continued recounting the happy times. The holidays progressed to the one we had in Jersey and how much fun we'd had on that tiny island.

"I remember that," said a quiet voice. I looked around the room and then realised it was Mum. She was awake.

"Hi Mum," I said. "I love you so much."

"Me too," she replied her voice labouring. "How bad am I?"

I thought about lying to her. Telling her she would be okay but I couldn't. I wasn't brought up like that.

"Not good I'm afraid," I said trying to be brave. I looked across at the door and saw Stacey standing there. She just nodded as if to say that I was doing the right thing and again left me alone.

"Am I dying?" she asked with fear in her voice.

"That's what the doctor said."

"Then you must tell Dad."

"I have. He was in Scotland and will be here soon. He said the circumstances had changed."

Mum went quiet again so I just continued to stoke her hand. After a few minutes silence I started telling her again about some of the good times. I started this time recounting when she surprised me with a trip to London how we'd gone on the London Eye, going to the British museum and then on to see a proms concert with a lovely meal in the Royal Albert Hall restaurant.

"I remember that meal," said Mum as she awoke for the second time.

"Welcome back."

"Did I drift off?" she asked.

"Just for a little bit."

Stacey popped her head round the door. "Your Dad has just left Birmingham airport and should be here in less than an hour." Then she disappeared before I could say thank you.

"You must tell Dad about Jill," she said.

"I can't," I replied as I started to shake in fear.

"You can't shut her away again. She's a part of you. Dad will understand."

Mum fell silent once again. Oh what should I do? I couldn't tell him. Mum may think he'd understand but how could he. He wouldn't know how good it felt wearing women's clothes. No, when Mum died I would let Jill die too. With that decision made I continued recounting trips we'd made. How two years ago Dad had taken us to New York for a short break just after thanksgiving. The wonderful time I had skating in Rockefeller square. How we'd eaten at Le Cirque and then gone to the top of the empire state building and looked over the city that never sleeps.

As I was reliving that happy times Stacey came in with Dad. He'd changed quite a bit. His hair was longer and in a pony tail. He had on a baggy jumper and what looked like a new pair of trousers.

"New trousers?" I asked.

"Got them while I waited for the plane," he said sitting next to me. "I thought I better look nice for Mum. How is she?"

"Weak. Very weak. She's woken twice and said a bit."

"Does she know she's dying?"

"I know," she said awakening for the last time.

I swapped seats with Dad so he could be closer and he gently took hold of her hand.

Her eyes opened slightly. "Hi Andrew," she said. "I love you and Julia so much. Please forgive me for being so stupid."

"I love you too," he said tears flowing feely down his face. "And there isn't anything really to forgive. I have loved you from the first moment we met and have done ever since."

"You must tell Bill and Beth," she said. "They will understand."

Her eyes closed once more and she drifted back off to sleep. I took Dad in my arms and we just wept onto each others shoulders. There seemed to be a slight aroma of roses that was emanating from Mum.

Stacey who was passing noticed the smell and looked at the monitor. "Now's the time for you to say your final goodbyes," she said as she walked back out.

"Bye Mum," I said tears still steaming down my face. "Save a space in heaven for the rest of us."

"Bye sweetheart. I love you and I'll always love you." was all that Dad could clearly say. His face was awash with anguish.

Soon after the bleep of monitor stopped beeping and became a continuous noise.

Stacey quietly walked in and switched it off.

Mum was gone and Jill had gone with her.

THE END

Note:
The continuing story of some of these characters is occasionally mentioned in [A New Style of Education]