PART 2

Jimmy felt queasy with excitement. He'd never experienced this kind of anxiety before. He looked at his mom and glanced back at the cigarette between his fingers. For crying out loud! He was 13 years old. He was sitting in a public restaurant with his mom- wearing girl's clothes and smoking Virginia Slims! This was insane. He was insane. After all, hadn't he just promised her he'd see a psychiatrist?

"Can we go home now Mom? I think I'm feeling kind of sick."

Carol crushed out her cigarette and signed the credit card receipt. "I guess you've had a lot of excitement for one day."

A very confused boy named Jimmy Higgins, who was masquerading as a girl named Katy, picked up his bags of wonderful new clothes and followed his mother out of the restaurant, and through the mall.

They were riding down the escalator as a pair of teenage boys was riding up. Jimmy didn't recognize them. They were older and in high school. They were shoving each other but never took their eyes off him. They were obviously trying to get his attention. If they only knew, he thought. Carol noticed them too. She watched the boys as they flirted with her new daughter. She watched as Katie looked away from the boys. She was clearly embarrassed by the attention

Katie turned around and looked up as her feet hit the floor. The goofy boys were still following her with their eyes. One of them even waved. She looked away as heat rose in her face.

"They thought you were cute," said Carol.

"I don't think so," said Katie. "They weren't looking at me. They must have seen something else."

"No Katie. It was you they saw and they liked what they saw. I thought they were cute. Didn't you?"

"Come on Mom. They're guys. I'm a boy. How can you ask if I think they're cute?"

*****

The ride back home was fairly quiet. Katie stared out the window as his mother drove. His mom was smoking. He wanted one too. He fiddled with his purse but couldn't bring him self to take out the pack of Virginia Slims.

"You know," said Carol, "you can have a cigarette if you like. I did give you my permission."

"Really" asked Katie?

"Yes Honey. Really. I'm not kidding. You're not going to get in trouble. And I do understand what you're going through. I remember how awkward I felt when I first started smoking in front of my mother. But I got used to it and so will you. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I know it's something you need to do now. And I suspect it's something you want to do as well. It's kind of like the clothes you're wearing. You've been raised as a boy, but there's a girl inside that's been trying to get out for years. She needs those clothes you're wearing. And she wants them. Am I right Katie?"

"Yeah, I guess so. It's just so weird to think about. I know how I feel but I don't know how to say it."

"Are you happy?"

Katie turned in his seat and made eye contact with his mother. "This has been like the best day of my life. It's like I don't want it to ever end but at the same time I'm afraid of it."

"I know you are. That's why I want you to talk to the doctor. Bobby says the doctor is really nice and I think you'll like her a lot. He says she's real easy to talk to."

Katie thanked his mom and took the pack of Virginia Slims from his purse. It was still a shock to see the pack in his hand. He took a cigarette out and returned the pack to his purse, holding it between his lips as he searched for the lighter in his purse.

They were pulling up to a traffic light as Katie lit his cigarette. He breathed the smoke in and nervously exhaled toward her window. There was a group of guys in the car next to them. They were looking at him, watching him smoke. But they weren't looking at him. They were looking at her. Katie took a deep drag from the cigarette and exhaled toward the carload of boys as seductively as he could. He saw their eyes pop. He felt their desire and he basked in it within the safety of his mother's car.

Carol laughed and said, "Young lady! I do believe you're flirting."

He turned to his mom and vehemently denied her accusation. "I wasn't flirting. I was just smoking."

She gave her daughter a knowing nod and smiled.

*****

Dr. Laura Doyle listened as Carol told her about Katie. She liked Carol and quickly saw why her friend Bobby liked her. Carol was calm, collected and open minded. The vast majority of her patient's parents were not receptive to the underlying needs of their gender-disoriented children. She commended Carol on her compassion.

"I'll be as honest with you as you've been with me Mrs. Higgins. After meeting Katie and talking with you, I feel confident in diagnosing your son as having a severe gender identity crisis. I wish more parents could be as sensitive to their children's needs as you've been with Katie."

"So you agree with me? You think I should do every thing possible to help Jimmy become Katie?"

"Absolutely Mrs. Higgins. I've worked with many young boys like Jimmy. He may have some doubts but I don't. Your son is female and the sooner he realizes this, the happier he will be. I admit it's usually the parents rather than the patients who have trouble coming to this conclusion. Jimmy is confused by both his sexuality and his gender. He's afraid he's gay and of course you and I know this isn't the case. Jimmy is as much of a woman as you or I. The only obstacle between her and happiness is his penis."

"So you think Jimmy is a candidate for gender reassignment surgery?"

"There's no doubt in my mind Mrs. Higgins. He needs to begin hormone therapy right away. The hormones will help Katie's breasts grow, but expediency is a priority. I'd like to schedule breast implants for Katie tomorrow if that's OK with you."

"Of course it is Dr. Doyle. What about the size? Will they be big or small? Will Katie need to wait a year before he can have the reassignment surgery? I'm sorry about rambling, but wow, this is all so incredible."

"That's OK Mrs. Higgins. Your excitement is completely understandable. As far as breast size is concerned, the decision should be left completely up to Katie. Take her home and go to a website called Southern Charms. Let him look at the girls and he'll be able to decide what size breasts are right for him. Let him choose as large or as small as he likes. As far as the surgery is concerned, it's completely up to you and Katie. I realize it's standard procedure to wait, but I don't recommend it in Katie's case because he's a heterosexual. Time wouldn't be an issue if he were gay. But time is a luxury he doesn't have. He's at the age where he needs to start forming healthy relationships with members of the opposite sex. The sooner he becomes a woman, the sooner she'll be able to do that."

"When will he be able to have the surgery?"

"Even on the fast track, it will probably take at least a month. In the mean time, you need to encourage him to date. I realize he'll feel awkward about dating boys but it will make his transition much smoother, so please push him Mrs. Higgins- even if he resists. It's for his own good."

"I'm sure he'll fight me on that. He'll also be upset about the surgery. Should I tell him or would it be best coming from you?"

"Believe me Mrs. Higgins. Jimmy will be very excited about this. Remember, he wants to be a woman. What he says and what he really feels isn't always the same thing. Tell him about the breast implants but keep the surgery under your hat until the time nears. Even though it's what he wants, it would be best not to overwhelm him."

Dr. Doyle leaned forward in her chair and fixed her eyes on Carol's. "The most important thing you can do for Katie right now is to boost his confidence. He needs to feel desirable and attractive as a woman. Dating will help build his self esteem but he needs to feel good about him self in order for his dates to be successful."

"He needs plenty of reassurance from you. Use compliments. Tell him how nice he looks. It's very important to avoid saying or doing any thing that romances the notion of his maleness. I know he was dressed as a boy today because he came from school, but does he still have all his boy clothes?"

"Well yes," said Carol. "I haven't had enough time to replace his wardrobe. I didn't realize how serious this was."

"It's very serious Mrs. Higgins. And because Katie's transformation is on the fast track, it's crucial to eliminate his male side as quickly as possible. That means a new wardrobe. It also means changing his room. There's another thing. I saw a pack of Marlboros in his shirt pocket."

"You must think I'm an awful parent for letting him, I mean her smoke. But he's been doing it for a while and I think he's addicted. He's also got this thing about smoking. He thinks it's sexy. You should have seen her when I let her smoke in the restaurant Saturday. All the boys, even the men, were looking at him."

"Mrs. Higgins, I don't think you're a terrible parent. You're wonderful. My job would be so much easier if more of my patient's parents were as caring as you. It's not the smoking that concerns me. It's the brand. Marlboro is such a masculine brand. It would be so much better if you encouraged him to smoke something more feminine. Even something like Benson & Hedges would be better than Marlboros."

"I did buy her Virginia Slims. He just wanted the Marlboro's for when he wears his boy's clothes."

Dr. Doyle raised her brow and lowered her eyes on Carol.

"Well at the time, I didn't expect this to happen so fast. He still has three months of school left. I can't send him to school dressed like Katie can I?"

"If you love your daughter, and if you want what's best for her, you'll home school her for the rest of the year. You'll also need to legally change her name to Katie. I can give you the name of a lawyer who can help you with this. It's imperative that you sell your home and move to another school district so Katie can start high school as a girl."

"I can do that," said Carol. "And it's OK to let her smoke? Should I place any limits on her?"

"No limits Mrs. Higgins. You gave Katie permission to become an adult when you gave her permission to smoke. Cigarettes are a symbol of her adult status. As a matter of fact, you should encourage Katie to smoke. After talking with him today, I discovered he has made a strong association between smoking and femininity. He has a fetish for smoking. If he didn't have issues with gender, he would focus his fetish on being with women that smoke. But because he feels he is a woman, he needs to harness that fetish to his advantage. I want him to feel sexy when he smokes. You're a smoker Mrs. Higgins. You know what I'm talking about. It's not enough that you gave Katie a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. As her mother, you need to teach your daughter how to use them. Do you understand? Do you have any questions?"

"No Dr. Doyle. You've been very helpful. Katie and I appreciate everything you've done for us and I'll follow your advice to the letter."

"Good," said Dr. Doyle as she reclined in her chair. "After Katie gets breast implants, I want you to focus on getting him to date. Don't take no for an answer. His happiness depends on it."

*****

"Well what did she say Mom. You two were in there for almost two hours. Does she think I'm sick? God, I feel like I'm going out of my mind."

"She said a lot of things Jimmy," said Carol as she backed the car out of the space and pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

Jimmy followed his mother's example and took the pack of Marlboros from his shirt pocket. Before he could extract a cigarette from the pack, his mother took them from him.

"What's wrong," said Jimmy. "I thought you said I could smoke. Did Dr. Doyle say not to let me?"

"No, she didn't," said Carol. "She said that from now on you were to smoke like a lady and that means no more Marlboros. Here, have one of my Virginia Slims. Their your regular brand anyway."

"But Mom, I'm wearing boys clothes. What if someone sees me?"

"They won't," said Carol. "You're in the car. Besides, I don't want to see you in boy's clothes again. When we get home you need to change into your girl's clothes. Then you can help me clean out your closet. We'll give all your boy's clothes to the Salvation Army. Oh we have so much to do. We have to redo your entire room. You're ready for a change aren't you?"

"What did she say Mom? Are you going to tell me?"

"She told me what I already told you. She just confirmed what we already knew. Simply put, you should have been born a girl and we're going to fix that. You have an appointment tomorrow to have breast implants."

Jimmy's jaw hit his chest. "Breast implants! I can't do that. Everyone will know. Mom. I like dressing in your clothes. I admit it. I love it, but I can't get real breasts."

"Why not," asked Carol?

"Well, you know. I'm a boy. Boys don't have breasts. I got a penis and everything. Everyone will make fun of me."

"What if no one knew? How would you feel about it then?"

"Come on Mom. I think people will know. Guys with breasts kind of stand out. I think my friends will notice."

"I'm serious Jimmy. And I want you to be serious too. I want you to think about this and I want you to tell me how you would feel about the breast implants if no one ever knew. If we do this, we'll do it right. We'll change your name legally to Katie. I'll home school you until you start high school next year. We'll sell the house and move to a place where no one knows you. You'll have a fresh start. Think about it. Today could be the last day of your life as Jimmy if it's what you want. You don't have to tell me now. Wait until we get home. There are some things I want to show you on the computer. You can tell me what you think afterwards."

Jimmy listened to what his mother said. The seriousness of the decision he was about to make sank in. He put the Virginia Slim between his lips and lit it. He savored the feeling of the smoke in his lungs as he pondered his mother's words. He thought about the last two days he had spent dressed as Katie. He thought about how much better people treated him when he was dressed as her. Even his mother treated him better when he looked like a girl.

He'd been to the mall hundreds of times but had always been invisible until last weekend. People noticed Katie because she was beautiful and glamorous. He thought of how comfortable he had felt smoking at the mall while dressed as a girl. He could never do that as a boy. He had carried the Marlboros along with him all day without getting up the courage to have one in public. People respected Katie. They didn't respect Jimmy. The idea of spending the rest of his life as Katie appealed to him. He sat back in the car, looked out the window and took another puff from the Virginia Slim.

*****

He was glad to get out of his boy's clothes when they got home. Sitting at the computer with his mom as she clicked through a porn site was weird. It bothered him but it didn't stop him from fondling his breast forms. Until today, their computer had always had a porn lock. He knew sites like this existed but he had never seen one until now. His mother told him to look at the girl's breasts and that's exactly what he did. He looked and looked. Some were kind of homely, but others defied description. Many of them were smoking! He envied them.

"Do you see any thing you like," asked Carol? "Dr. Doyle said the surgeon could make you breasts like any of these. All you have to is to pick a girl you like. Their breast sizes are listed in their bios. It's kind of like window shopping."

"Go back to Claudia," said Katie. "I want to see her again."

Carol gave him a rather disgusted look as she clicked on Claudia's picture. "I don't think Dr. Doyle had 36 G in mind when she said to choose your breast size."

Katie's eyes grew big as the thumbnails presented them selves on screen. "Click that one," he said.

Carol clicked on the thumbnail and Claudia exposed her self to them on the screen. She looked to be in her early 20's and was busting out of her silky red negligee. She was sprawled on a bed smoking a cigarette, giving them her best come hither look. "They're very big. Don't you think? She probably has back problems. Have you thought about that Honey? They wouldn't be light."

"Mom, I'd give any thing to look like her. She's beautiful. Besides, breast size is just a number, right?"

Carol clicked on the printer icon and the inkjet came to life.

*****

Dr. Brown smiled when Katie showed him the inkjet photograph of Claudia. "Are you sure," he asked?

Katie shook his head yes as Carol winced.

The last thing Katie remembered before the lights went out was an attractive nurse ramming a sharp needle in his ass while his mom held his hand.

His mother was still holding his hand when he woke up. "Is it done? Do I have boobs?"

"See for your self," said Dr. Brown as he held a mirror for Katie to look at.

"Oh my God," said Katie. "They're huge. I didn't know they'd be this big." He placed his hands on the huge melons and tried to give them a squeeze. "Ouch," he screamed!

"They'll be tender for a few days," said Dr. Brown.

Katie smiled at the doctor and thanked him. "What do you think Mom?"

"I think you're going to need some bigger clothes," said Carol.