I have been fighting depression for weeks now - just the usual things, still not settled on a new job (the problem with being senior management is that finding an appropriate position takes time - especially as this is the first time I have interviewed since transitioning), and of course there is the never ending issues with family. I'm not saying that my spouse and children are not supportive - they have in fact been very supportive this past year, but life for them has been impacted by my transition. And of course, what hurts them hurts me - deeply. Especially as I can't help but dwell on the fact that it's all my fault......

But last night went a long way toward bringing me out of my depression. After dinner, I sat down with my spouse to read while she waited for The Voice to come on TV. Yeah, she's definitely a fan, and being honest I have to admit that it is one of the few TV shows which I actually find entertaining.

And then the reports about Manchester started coming across.......

And I started surfing the internet, reading every report I could find, watching every video I could see, reading every tweet or blog I could.........and slowly moving from depression to shock to anger.

This is why I served - to prevent this, to keep it away from my home, to protect innocent people from the evil that inhabits this world of ours. And I failed. I wasn't there; I didn't finish the job. I allowed my life to get in the way. And yes, that truly bothers me. A lot.

But what truly angers me the most, is knowing that there are those in our government who will use this tragedy to further their political goals. They'll try to make it sound patriotic or altruistic, but it's all about furthering the goals of a certain person and his cronies - about how they can profit from this.

Sometimes I wonder just which evil is worse.......

At least those we fought in every third world shithole around the world had the guts to grab a rifle and fight honestly. You can almost respect them......... almost.

But I have no respect for those who would use this to further their plans, or to profit from the fallout. Yeah, evil sometimes wears an expensive suit, a too long tie, a really bad tan, and a really bad haircut.

I know my anger will pass, and then I will pray for those who have died or been injured, and for those who have lost loved ones. They are the innocents.

D