Stephanie’s Deal by Jennifer Brock Nearly twelve-year-old Stephen Brooks got in trouble for peeking at his Christmas presents and his parents decided to punish him by making him act like a girl for his week and a half of vacation. That has since snowballed into two and a half weeks, with another two and a half to go, plus dance classes every other Wednesday, since Stephanie agreed to be a junior bridesmaid in her cousin’s wedding. Because she has a jerk for a dance partner, she’s started using botanical oils to try and grow breasts, a form of revenge that somehow makes sense to her. Last episode, there was an altercation after church, as the minister chased Stephanie out for talking to the boy she likes. This Episode covers a full week in Stephanie's life.

Episode 12

Stephanie’s mother spent most of Monday morning composing a letter to the Board of Deacons of Second Baptist to complain about Pastor Moore’s un-Christianlike behavior toward her child. She printed out multiple copies and signed each one by hand before mailing them off to all the board members.

Mom was still kind of simmering, but Stephanie approached her anyway. “Can I invite someone over to dinner on my birthday?”

“It’s not Brian Somers, is it? You’re already seeing far too much of that boy!”

“Does this mean you’re changing your mind about letting me go over there on Saturday?”

“No, I said you could go, and we’ve been trying to teach you about honoring agreements, so you can still see him. But since he’s also going to be at your party, I don’t see why we should invite him for dinner, too.”

“That’s ok. I didn’t mean him anyway. I wanted to ask Robin. Her dad’s been giving her a hard time, and I’ve kinda adopted her as my little sister. She’s too young for the movie party, so I’d want her to share in my family celebration.”

“Do I know Robin?” She thought about it. “Oh, you mean little Bobby Perrone. So he, I mean she, is sort of your protégé? I suppose we could make room at the table for more. I’ll call Mrs. Perrone and ask.”

Stephanie was glad to get that out of the way. She went to go hang out with her sister, just talking about stuff, nothing in particular. Well, maybe more about boys than anything else. She really wasn’t sure how girls were supposed to think about boys. She knew she liked kissing Brian, but she didn’t know if she liked him like a girl likes a boy. She didn’t like dancing with Christopher, but was that because he was a pain, or was he just not her type?

She was full of questions and no answers, and Michelle wasn’t terribly helpful and getting those answers, but it was good to get her impression of what life is like as a girl. Stephanie had almost no experience to draw on. Michelle tried to steer the conversation to sex, but Stephanie really didn’t think about stuff like that. She liked kissing but didn’t really see it as a sex thing.

Michelle asked her whether Brian would agree with that sentiment, and she lied and said she didn’t know. But she did know. That time she was kissing Brian in his pajamas, his thing was poking her. At least part of him was thinking about sex when he was kissing her.

Michelle asked what she’d do if Brian did think that kissing him meant she wanted sex. Would she touch him, down there, if he asked her to? Would she kiss it? Michelle used different words that she sometimes had to explain, and they made Stephanie very uncomfortable, but she felt that she needed to seriously think about how far she was ready to let Brian get. Michelle made a bad joke and asked if she’d let Brian put his thing in a place that nobody could possibly ever want to, and it was just gross. Eww! Michelle even said he should wear a thing so he couldn’t make a baby there, but that was just silly. Stephanie had had about enough of that conversation.

She was drawing in her room when Mom found her to say that she’d talked to Mrs. Perrone, and she’d invited both her and Bobby over for dinner on Stephanie’s birthday. She didn’t think Bobby could come as his little girl self Robin, though. His father really didn’t like him dressing up, and he had the key to the locked trunk of girl clothes. It was a compromise that kept him from throwing them out. That was a little disappointing, but at least Stephanie’s little friend would be there for her on her special day. It’s too bad her clothes were too big for Robin to borrow; otherwise she could just dress up after coming over.

Mom got a call on Thursday morning. The Deacons had held a special meeting the night before to talk to the pastor about her complaint. It wasn’t good. They agreed with him. Stephanie was no longer welcome in the congregation. If Steven wanted to be allowed to attend baptismal classes in the spring, a rite of passage for all twelve-year-old Baptists, he’d have to write a formal letter to the church “foreswearing his homosexual ways.”

Mom was madder than Steven had ever seen her. When she called Dad to tell him the news, she yelled and used words that Michelle didn’t even think she knew. She stormed off and did a bunch of research on the computer, to try to see if they had the right to make that kind of demand.

Michelle said they needed to leave her alone for a while, so Stephanie suggested they do all the housework themselves. She put on her pink fleece sweats and pulled her hair into a ponytail and set to work. Michelle started with the laundry, and didn’t even tease her sister about the hearts embroidered on her butt.

Stephanie decided to start by changing all the bedding on all three beds, and not just to give her sister more to wash. She then vacuumed the bedrooms. She wanted to vacuum downstairs next, but didn’t want to disturb Mom. She delayed by cleaning the bathrooms, a disgusting job but one that had to be done!
Michelle gently suggested to Mom that she take a nap and try to relax. Stephanie had even tried some aromatherapy by putting a few drops of her lavender oil, which was supposed to be good for removing stress, on a paper towel she folded and left on the nightstand to make the room smell nice. Michelle suggested a shot of brandy, which seemed to do the trick.

Since Stephanie had done the bathrooms, Michelle worked at cleaning the kitchen and let her sister do the easy stuff. Vacuuming was okay, but doing all the dusting in the living room really didn’t feel like “easy stuff.”

The girls decided to surprise their mother and make dinner. Checking the fridge for ingredients, they decided on spaghetti and meatballs. Michelle found Mom’s meatball recipe, and assigned Stephanie the task of making them, while she herself made the sauce.

Meatballs were more than just balls of meat. They needed spices and breadcrumbs, and even eggs, and you had to make them all the same size. They needed to get fried up in a pan on really low heat until they were brown all over, and then they could get added to the sauce. Stephanie washed vegetables for the salad while Michelle got the pasta started.

Dad came home early, and had flowers for Mom. Michelle took them and showed Stephanie how to put them in a vase. They told him she was resting, and he went up to check on her. Michelle suggested that maybe he was giving her another way to work out her tension, and it took Stephanie a minute to figure out that she was making a sex joke.

And that may well have been what their parents were up to, because when they came downstairs for dinner, neither of them was wearing what they had on before, and Mom seemed much more relaxed. She even smiled when she saw that the meal was ready and she didn’t have to do a thing.

They had a nice meal, without once mentioning the upsetting phone call. Mainly they talked about Michelle getting ready to go back to school. Did she need to buy anything? Would she need help packing? Was there enough money in her checking account? It made Stephanie sad to think of her sister leaving, but it did make college sound really exciting.

After cleaning up the leftovers and putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, the sisters watched an old movie on cable. The old folks had already gone to bed. Stephanie had fun hanging out with her sister. It’s too bad it wouldn’t last.

She spent almost all day Friday giving her sister a hand packing up her stuff. It was fun to be useful, but a little sad. She’d gotten closer to her sister than ever before and now she was going away. It just didn’t seem fair!

As they were packing her things, Michelle had Stephanie put all her nail polish and files and stuff in a shoebox. Michelle then took her three favorite bottles of polish out and put them in her suitcase, and told her sister she could take the rest of the box back to her room, as sort of a birthday present. Stephanie thanked her and gave her a big hug.

Michelle added that she was welcome to borrow anything that was left in her room, whether she wanted to try on some of her clothes or read her old books or anything, and that it would still be okay even if she went back to being a boy most of the time. Michelle said that she thought Stephanie would be having some rough times ahead, so if she could get any comfort from her big sister’s room that would be fine.

After dinner Stephanie got another present that was sort of from her sister. Dad gave her her own cell phone, and he said that Michelle had convinced him that she deserved it. It already had Mom’s and Dad’s and Michelle’s numbers programmed into it, and she could call those three as often as she wanted. For any other numbers, she’d have to pay for the minutes. Like most things Mom picked out for her it was pink, but she said that they could change the cover if that color became no longer appropriate at some point in the future. She thanked them all, and the family played a game of cards together in honor of Michelle’s last night at home.

Saturday morning they all got up early for a big breakfast before she hit the road. Dad was being all strong, Mom was a little weepy, and Stephanie was just plain crying. She didn’t want to let her sister go. But she really had to get back to school.

But she didn’t have too much time to be sad, because she had a maybe date with Brian that afternoon. She waited until lunchtime and called him to make sure she was still invited. She didn’t know if the church had said anything to him too, since the pastor always seemed to yell at her only when she was with Brian. But he said that she was definitely still invited, and he’d be very disappointed if she couldn’t make it. She was thrilled.

Of course, now she had a whole new problem. What should she wear to a not-quite-date, hanging out with the boy she liked and his friends, playing video games and whatnot? If she went too dressy, that would be awkward. A real girl would probably wear jeans to something like that, but she didn’t want to remind Brian that she wasn’t a real girl, so she didn’t want to dress too much like a boy.

She settled on her denim skirt, which was kind of like a pair of jeans only more girlish. She thought she’d keep it casual by wearing her sneakers, but it was kind of cold, so bare legs wouldn’t be a good idea, which meant tights. She tried to think if she’d ever seen her sister wear sneakers with tights, and couldn’t remember her ever pulling that look off.

She tried it to see how it looked. For a top, she chose her purple tank top and put her pink cardigan over it. She wanted to be able to take off a layer in case they were going to be playing one of those Wii Sports games that had a lot of physical activity, but be warm in long sleeves if they weren’t. She coordinated by choosing her pink tights, and then buttoned up her denim skirt. Her pink sneakers didn’t look too out of place, but she wasn’t sure how fashionable it was.

She put on her pink jewelry ensemble and put her pink headband in her hair. She went easy on the makeup, brushing on a little of her brown daytime mascara, Brian’s favorite strawberry lip gloss, and just a hint of blush. Instead of cologne, she put a little of her lavender oil behind each ear.

She’d been using those oils for a week now, and nothing seemed to be growing yet. The article that said they made boobs didn’t say how long it was supposed to take, so she figured she’d just keep going. They might have been making her nipples a little pinker, or maybe it was just from all the rubbing. She daydreamed about having more than just padding in her bra, and wondered what it would feel like if Brian tried to touch them.

Since she couldn’t get her sister’s opinion on her outfit, she settled for showing her mother what she was wearing, and asked if it was appropriate for spending an afternoon maybe-date with a boy and his friends. Mom said she looked nice, but wondered if she had a bag that would work with it.

Stephanie had forgotten a purse! This girl stuff was complicated. She went up to her room and looked over her options. Her little rhinestone drawstring bag was too fancy. Her navy handbag didn’t match any of the colors she was wearing. Her shiny black patent leather purse might work, since black was supposed to go with everything, but it made her want to switch her shoes to her Mary Janes. It was a little less casual, but she also could stop worrying about whether you should wear tights with sneakers.

She showed Mom again, and she approved the changes. Stephanie still had some time to kill before she needed to go, so she went and flipped through a magazine in her sister’s room. As though she were psychic or something, Stephanie’s new phone started ringing, and it was Michelle checking in. She was making good time and had stopped for gas, so she thought she’d see how her little sister was doing getting ready for her big date.

Stephanie described what she was wearing, and Michelle said that sneakers with tights were indeed a risky fashion choice. Some girls can pull it off; others just look goofy. It was much better to play it safe. She also reminded Stephanie that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to. If Brian tried to pressure her into doing something she wasn’t comfortable with, she should say no. And if he kept pressing her she should just leave. Now that she had a phone Mom and Dad were never that far away. She had to get back on the road so Stephanie thanked her for the call, and wished her luck.

The butterflies in her stomach had been doing aerobatics for about an hour before it was time to go. She double-checked in the mirror to make sure everything was in the right place, grabbed her coat and Mom drove her over to Brian’s.

Mrs. Somers let her in and told her she looked very nice. The boys were downstairs, and Stephanie knew how to get there. She took off her coat and saw Brian playing some kind of sword fighting game against a blond-headed boy she didn’t know. There was another boy watching them. He had curly brown hair and wore glasses. “Hi, I’m Josh. That’s Tim. You must be Brian’s girlfriend. Your shoes are the kind the girls at A&P wear; do you go there? I haven’t seen you around.”

Stephanie was confused. “Do you work at a grocery store?”

“No, I’m a kid. I don’t work anywhere. That’s a weird question to ask.” He called over to the couch, “Brian, your girlfriend is kind of weird.”

Brian hit the pause button, and Tim, the guy he was playing against, complained that he only did it because he was losing. “Hi, Steph. Guys, this is Stephanie. Steph, this is Tim and that’s Josh.”

“Josh already covered that. Did you tell these guys I was your girlfriend?”

Brian looked embarrassed. “I said you were a girl, and a friend, but I guess they misunderstood.”

Josh corrected him. “That’s not what you said. You said there was a girl you liked and she was coming over and we were supposed to be nice to her.”

Brian looked really nervous. It was so cute! “Um, Steph, let me help you hang up your coat.” He dragged her and her coat upstairs to the coat closet. “Look, I’m sorry. You can go home if you want to. I did something kind of wrong. We were back at school and talking about our vacations, and somehow we drifted to talking about girls and I said that I’d had a girl over for New Year’s and kissed her, and they said prove it. So I invited you all over today to prove to them that I knew a girl, but it was stupid of me and if you hate me I understand.”

“I don’t hate you.” She started walking back downstairs, and gave him a quick kiss. “But that’s all the strawberry you’re getting today, and no trip to France.” When Brian figured out her code words, he felt really ashamed. When they had rejoined the others, she said, “Yes, Weird Boy, I’m the one he told you was his girlfriend. And as long as he gets me an awesome birthday present next week, he’s allowed to keep calling me that. Now why did you want to know where I buy my groceries?”

“I don’t.”

“You asked me if I went to the A&P.”

“Oh… Vocabulary problem. We three are all students at St. Philip’s Academy for Boys. We share a few specialty classes with the school next door, St. Anne’s School for Girls. Collectively, the two schools are known as Saints Anne and Philip, or A&P, like the grocery store, but there really isn’t one of those near here. The girls at St Anne’s wear shoes like yours with their uniforms, but if you don’t know A&P I guess you don’t go there.”

“I see. I go to Roosevelt, or I would if it was open.”

“Cool.” Eventually things settled down, but it seemed like Josh could not stay quiet for very long; he was always talking, but not saying much.

Tim won the battle, and then they decided to play a four-player game of tennis. Stephanie realized that her own Nintendo Wii had been set up in her family room for almost two weeks now, but she still hadn’t played it. Brian’s was the only one she’d ever used. She made the mistake of commenting on that, and Tim just kept making dirty jokes. “Brian’s girlfriend likes to play with his Wii,” or worse, “Brian’s girlfriend has a Wii,” which wasn’t as funny as Tim thought it was, because it was true and not something either of them really wanted to be reminded about.

It did help Stephanie and Brian soundly defeat Tim and Josh, though. She felt like rewarding her boyfriend (it was really cool that she could call him that) for a job well-done and gave him a little kiss, right in front of his friends. That should be the proof he needed. His friends were dorks, anyway. She wished it could be just the two of them, but wishing doesn’t work. If it did, she’d have a huge set of boobs hanging on her chest. She wondered if Brian was really into boobs. Most boys were supposed to be.

They went on to do a four-player game of bowling, but in this one the players went one at a time. The cool part is she could snuggle up to Brian on the couch while the dorks were taking their turns. She’d taken her sweater off, so when he put his arm around her, his fingers were actually touching her actual shoulder.

By some weird fluke, she actually bowled a strike, and Brian gave her a playful pat on the butt in congratulations. She shot him a funny look, but it really wasn’t that bad. It just reminded her of some of the things her sister had warned her about boys and butts, and that was gross to think about.

Much too quickly, it was time to go home. Tim’s came to take him home and was already going to drop Josh off, so he offered to take Stephanie home as well. She made Brian come back downstairs with her to get her sweater, and when she had him alone she gave him a goodbye kiss and opened her mouth a little and played with his tongue. They got her sweater and went back upstairs, and she rode home with the dorks.

Stephanie spent Saturday night sketching, trying to imagine what Brian was up to, since he was her boyfriend and all. She did the happy “I have a boyfriend” dance up in her room, and wished she had somebody to tell. She settled for having an imaginary conversation about boyfriends with Hannah, her doll. She was glad that she had a nice boy like Brian and not a mean one like Christopher for a boyfriend. It was a word she didn’t get tired of using.

The whole family stayed home on Sunday. If Stephanie wasn’t welcome, none of them would go. Mom decided that they would have a Family Day at Home, so they all just kind of hung out in their pajamas, Dad got to watch golf when he would have been at church, and Mom and Stephanie baked an apple pie from scratch.

The phone rang after lunch and it was for Stephanie. It was Debbie Washington from her Sunday School class. She said that Pastor Moore had come into the class at the beginning of the session and announced that “Steven Brooks had been asked by the Deacons to leave the congregation until such time as he was no longer actively defying God’s order by dressing inappropriately.” Mr. Walters told the Pastor that if that was Second Baptist’s idea of what it meant to be Christian, he could no longer serve there. He walked out and the class was stuck without a teacher until someone tracked down Mrs. Kendall to fill in.

The class never really got started. Elizabeth Patterson pointed out that she was wearing pants, and asked if she was actively defying God’s order. Mrs. Kendall had no idea what to say, so Elizabeth then went on to ask whether they were all defying God’s order in the play on Christmas, or if God let people have the day off to defy whatever order they wanted. Were all the women up in the congregation who were wearing pants actively defying God’s order? The entire class broke down into total chaos with everyone asking about actively defying God’s order.

Debbie said that it was a total laugh riot and was sorry that Stephanie had to miss it. She did say that the girls got together after “class” and talked amongst themselves. They’d all already agreed to go to Stephanie’s birthday party, and none of them were going to back out of it, even if it meant ADGO. They even decided to start using “ADGO” when text messaging. Debbie wanted to know if Stephanie had a texting account, but she didn’t. She did just get a phone, but if she used too many minutes she’d be in trouble. Debbie told her where to go on her computer to get a free internet text messaging thing, and had her write down her id so Stephanie could add her to her buddy list, whatever that was. It sounded pretty cool.

Stephanie passed along some of what Debbie had told her about class to her mother, and she laughed hysterically at it. She also made it a point to get Mr. Walters’ phone number from the church directory, and called to thank him for setting a better example than some people. She asked him what church he was planning on going to instead, and he didn’t know. Mom didn’t know either. Dad said they should try the Episcopalians, since they had a lesbian priest or whatever the right word for it is, so they should be more open to issues of flexible gender or sexuality. Mom said she was more used to the rules of the Baptists and didn’t like all the high ceremony of the Episcopalians. Dad said she just didn’t want to learn the “trespasses” version, and Stephanie had no idea what he was talking about.