There's a time and a place for cat's; it's usually 'whenever they damn well please' in my experience. Still, for all their independence and aloofness they DO tend to come back home to their family eventually don't they? Events unfold including but not limited to: Eris having her secret project exposed. John can't seem to work out when to just stop (talking, doing things or just breathing depending who you ask?) Meanwhile Hannah run's with a stereotype and ends up crying in a bathroom!

 

“..tell me that’s not what I think it is?..”

John shuffled uneasily and tried to tuck the large plastic container behind his legs slightly to hide it from view even though the handle’s position meant that it stuck out painfully obviously from both sides of his legs by the time he was done moving it.

Eris giggled to herself.
I should have guessed just from the happy little grin on her face the moment I spotted them coming out of the crowd!

Slowly my head sunk down to rest on the textured wood of the ‘outdoor’ table I’d sat myself down at when I eventually found this bloody place.

“..you bought the kitten..”
The words came out quietly in something that might pass for a groan if you listened hard enough.

“We bought the kitten.”
As always when he does something unbelievably impulsive and stupid John looked strangely proud of himself for it all.

“We got Mau!”
Eris’s exuberance wouldn’t have been too bad if said kitten didn’t take that exact moment to practically appear out of nowhere with a hop, landing delicately on top of Eris’s head to purr and offer an almost smug look in my direction from its little kitty face.

“Mau”
I glared at the feline menace.
It stared back at me, I swear if it was human it would be giving off waves of almost John-level smugness right now!

With a hop that made Eris giggle in delight the kitten sent itself high into the air above us.

Eventually it came down again in an almost textbook summersault to land in my lap.
I watched it with wide surprised eyes for a moment, not quite believing the utter GALL of the beast, along with the supernatural precision it achieved the move with?!

It purred happily and nuzzled its face into my thigh for a moment before slowly turning its huge bright eyes up to me again.
Yet again I don’t know why but I got the impression it was mocking me in some way?

“..Mau..”
Even its strange little chirrup approximation of a normal cat’s meow sounded mocking and smug!

My eyes cut up from the kitten in my lap to glare hard at John.
He cringed and offered me a weak smile in return.

DAMN IT JOHN!
This is all YOUR fault!!

“Mau”
You can be quite too mister!
I shot a warning look down at the kitten but it honestly didn’t seem to care and was quite content to roll slightly in my lap instead.

Slowly it seemed to realise the direction my mood had taken as I grit my teeth down hard.
At first there was just a slight twitch of its ear but in the blink of an eye it was up and practically flying through the air again to land delicately on Eris’s head.
From there it eased its way down to her shoulders and promptly seemed to fall asleep somehow with its legs kicked out over her left shoulder and its front paw’s over her right.

Eris giggled when its purring breath brushed her ear and moved her hair a bit in the process.
My heart melted a little more at the sight of her so happy despite my best efforts to ignore that annoying instinctive reaction.

I can’t get rid of the cat now.. not after seeing how much joy it brings Eris?..
The only way to get rid of it at this point would probably be to get rid of Eris at the same time from the looks of it and that’s just unthinkable!

It looks like..
I sighed heavily and shot John one more glare just because he was an easy and appropriate target for my annoyance.
..it looks like we’ve got a cat then?

Damn it John!

“Go get us some menu’s John-boy.”
He didn’t need telling twice, just the tone of my voice told him how close I was to snapping over this whole ‘kitten’ thing.

I DON’T do pets!

Oh.. who am I kidding?!
I don’t do pets, I don’t do kids, I don’t do mushy stuff and I don’t act like a girl!

From that LONG list of things I supposedly ‘don’t do’ there’s not a single one I haven’t done in the last few weeks?!

“..this is just getting stupid..”
My eyes casually drifted back over to Eris.
She chose that moment to crinkle up her shoulder slightly and giggle in delight as the kitten’s breath lightly brushed her ear again.
My head slowly sunk down to land flat on the table with a gentle ‘thump’.
“..I’m so screwed..”

“Mau!”
You said it buddy!

‘Resistance is futile.’

======

“They don’t have a menu so I brought the next best thing.”

I sighed loudly just because I could as I pulled myself upright enough to give John the gimlet eye.
Standing awkwardly behind him, practically hopping from foot to foot with excess energy, was a skinny guy in roughly his early twenty’s by my guess?
He’s so pale that I’d be tempted to think he was a vampire or albino if he didn’t have a short crop of brown hair on his head and a certain lack of fang’s or campy fashion sense..

He seemed unreasonably eager to take part in whatever latest stupid idea John’s come up with though?

“This is my new friend Leroy, he-”
With a surge the new guy, ‘Leroy’ apparently, pushed past John and took center stage with an eager grin on his face.

“Welcome to Wizard Burger, where all our burgers are just wizard-awesome!”
A slow almost painful silence rolled around us.
Even John didn’t seem to quite know what to say to that.. that..

“DAMN IT LEROY! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT’S NOT THE COMPANY MOTO?!”
Our eyes all cut up to an open window on the second floor where a bulky man was doing his best to lean out and glare down at the newcomer in obvious frustration.

“If it’s good enough for Darth Vader then it’s good enough for us, ‘wizard’ is the best adjective ever!”
I had to groan at that one.

It’s not like they don’t set themselves up for it a bit by calling their shops ‘Wizard Burger’ around mages but Leroy’s apparently a fan of the money-grab ‘Star Wars’ prequel movies; which brings a whole new level of cringe-worthiness to his attempts at humor..

“I WILL fire you, I don’t care if you ARE my Nephew!”
Those words had more of an effect than anything else had so far on Leroy.

He made a big effort to visibly slump his shoulders and bow his head in submission.
I’m sure that from up high.. say, a window on the second floor?.. it looked like he was finally giving in.
From down here on the ground though it was pretty obvious from the wide cheeky grin on his face and the wink he shot a now giggling Eris, that he was anything but sorry for his actions.

I’m not sure what I was expecting honestly?
The guy works at a novelty magical fast-food restaurant, I’d be surprised if he DIDN’T have an awkward and annoying personality to one degree or another!

“What wizard-food can I get you on this truly wizard-day folks?”
In the blink of an eye he was back on form with the annoyingly perky attitude in possibly a louder voice then he’d even started with.

Eris almost fell out of her chair with giggles.
I’d like to think I’m slightly harder to impress then a toddler but even I couldn’t resist a slight smirk just from him having the guts to do it if nothing else.

“LEROY! MY OFFICE, NOW!”

Leroy shot me a dramatic exasperated look and winked at Eris which set her off again before turning and making tracks quickly back inside the shop.
John didn’t seem to quite know how to react to the whole thing.
I don’t think he’s used to other people managing to out ‘stupid’ him honestly?

“Mau..”
You said it, mages ARE crazy, my surprisingly observant little unwanted kitten-friend!
“..Mau..”

Some of my reluctant acceptance of his presence must have shown on my face because the fuzz-ball decided to take a chance and with the slightest of hops he ended up settled in my lap again.
My first instinct was to shove him off in frustration but he turned those wide pleading eyes up at me and my shoulders slumped in defeat.

It’s not like it’s a stray or anything this time, is it?
..stupid John..

I guess I’d better get used to this sort of thing?
I’m the not so proud owner of a kitten now, I know John bought it but he’d be worse to the poor little thing then I would?!

He had a goldfish when we were seven and forgot to feed it for almost half a year!
..Rest-in-Peace Goragmar the Destroyer..

It’s not like I have much choice anyway is it?
Eris would never forgive me if I didn’t keep the fuzz-ball at this point anyway..

Maybe Mum is looking for some animal company?
I’m stuck living with her until I’m ‘not a teenager anymore’ and Eris is probably with us for the long haul now too anyway.

It’s practically a rite of passage for her anyway?!
Every Mum should have to look after a pet her child bought home without consulting her first!
It’s a rite of passage my Mum never got to enjoy the first time around with my lack of interest and Sarah’s lack of attention so hopefully she enjoys the novelty of it enough that I won’t have to feel too guilty when I inevitably end up doing something wrong for the poor little thing..

“He forgot to take our order?”
My eyes cut down to Eris again and I sighed heavily.
Just to prove her point my stomach growled deeply a moment later.

“Yeah he did.. come on we’ll go inside and order instead.”

======

“Please don’t do that..”

Eris paused, her hand just inch’s from my tail.
Her eyes were alight with curiosity and joy as she watched it swish back and forth through the back of the chair.

The kitten isn’t much better, it’s taken a position behind me and is watching the swishing appendage with almost awe on its little kitty face.

I took another reluctant bite of my burger while my ears twitched high on top of my head to show my agitation.
John shifted slightly uncomfortably under my angry gaze.

“You don’t have to keep eat-”
My mouth dropped open and an angry cat-like hiss left my throat almost naturally.

HE thought it would be ‘funny’ to get me a ‘cat’ burger without saying anything!
HE cracked up laughing when my first bite left me with baby-blue furred cat ears and a baby-blue tail awkwardly sticking out from underneath the folds of my sundress!

I’m eating the burger!
I’m eating the damned burger and then I’m going to spend however long it takes before it wears off glaring at him!

..it’ll give me enough time to come up with an appropriately fitting punishment for him after all..

“Hannah seriously it was just a joke, you don’t have to keep eating th-”
My jaw dropped again with another angry hiss to cut him off mid-sentence.

With eyes squinted down into a tight glare in his general direction I slowly and deliberately brought the burger up again for another bite.

A few chews later and the latest additions to the whole ‘cat’ motif made themselves known in suddenly elongated, slightly fang-like, canine teeth.
John actually seemed a bit uneasy when my mouth shifted into a bright grin for him to show off the newest additions.

I’m not vain and I KNOW that it’s all temporary.
I don’t know what charms are involved in making the ‘Wizard Burgers’, it’s a company secret recipe obviously, but I know it’s not any form of self-transfiguration or even transmogrification.
That stuff’s WAY too complicated and time consuming to be used for a two dollar burger and still turn a profit!

I’m tempted to think that it’s actually some kind of illusion mixed with a few animated-conjured constructs?
That still doesn’t explain how they make all that come from a BURGER of course but it’s reassuring to at least have a vague idea what’s going on when you start gaining cat-like features in general.

“Seriously Hannah, you don’t want to finish that burger. You’ve got enough cat problems at the moment..”
I glanced down at the leftovers in my hand then back up to John again.
My head cocked to the side curiously and my new ears twitched in amusement.

“Whose fault is THAT exactly?”
Before he could defend himself in any way I popped the remains of the burger into my mouth in one go.

As I chewed I could feel changes washing over me.
My nails grew a little into a slight point, my hair took on a silky soft texture you normally only find in felines and, more worryingly, my eyes suddenly blurred.

After a few furious blinks the world came back into focus, although it seemed a bit stretched and weird at first until my brain got used to the new view.
Without a thought a deep amused rumbling purr built low in my chest as I stared at John smugly.

Not so funny NOW is it John-boy!

What’s wrong?.. isn’t this what you wanted?..
..pretty kitty Hannah..

I giggled to myself and brought my hand up to my lips to lick some of the sauce from my knuckle where it had spilled as I ate the burger.
When a rough, almost sandpapery texture made itself known on my hand even I blinked in surprise.
I hadn’t noticed my tongue changing?!

“That was nice. I was really hungry, thanks for the burger John-boy!”
He cringed and didn’t seem to quite know where to look now.

Without warning something grabbed my tail.
I hissed loudly and spun around, blunt but shaped long nails ready to scratch whoever dared to do it.

Eris shot back, a guilty look on her face which almost instantly dissolved into scared tears.
The cat features must make my ‘normal’ annoyed look seem a bit more scary for her I guess?

After a long pause to gather myself back together my shoulders slumped and I sighed heavily.
“Sorry sweetie. I said not to touch my tail, it’s really sensitive and not in a good way.”
Her little head bobbed up and down almost frantically in agreement as she quickly moved forward to sink into a hug with me.

“Mau”
I couldn’t help but giggle a little at the slightly disappointed noise from the floor-born kitten to our side.
I think he’s feeling a bit left out?

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about YOU John-boy, how long is this effect going to last exactly?”

Out the corner of my eye I could see John cringe slightly.
That’s definitely not a good sign in any way, shape or form!

“bou’six’n’our”
His quick, guilty mumble made the tiny hackles on the back of my neck rise angrily.. hackles I’d not even HAD half an hour ago!

“Care to repeat that.. slowly.. and at a volume intended for human ears to pick up?”
Just to punctuate that point I swivelled my surprisingly responsive new cat-ears a few times which seemed to almost mesmerise him for a second.

“It was only meant to be a joke, I didn’t think you’d get much past the first mouthful let alone eat the whole damn thing..”
I cocked an eyebrow at him and waited silently for him to finish.
“..he said it would take about six hours to wear, off give or take an hour depending on how receptive your body is to the potions involved of course..”

POTIONS!
Why didn’t I think of that?
Of COURSE they use potions to get the effects, how else are you going to put so many triggered effects into a burger of all things?!

Without thinking about it I ended up leaning back slightly and purring in interest.

I wonder what else could be done with potions like this?
It would be an interesting route to look into at some point if nothing else.

I’ve never had an incarnation that I can remember who used potions; runes take just as long to make and last so much longer usually so the better option was apparently always a no brainer?

..the ability to slip something to someone without them realising it until it’s all too late though..
Maybe it’s the ‘cat’ in me talking but the subtlety and elegance of it all is certainly interesting if nothing else?

“Well I guess we’ve got a few hours to kill in the Bazaar then? Looks like you’re playing ‘bag carrier’ for us like a gentleman John-boy.. oh!.. and your TOTALLY paying for everything of course!”
He opened his mouth to argue but a glance from me made him snap it shut quickly.

I smirked, which seemed to annoy him slightly but not enough for him to push past his guilt and worry to argue the point properly at least.

Honestly I CAN see the funny side of it all in reality.
First I ‘go cat’ back at his Mum’s place, then we get here where the fuzz-ball starts following us around and now this.. just because I can see the irony and odd timing to it all doesn’t mean I can’t still be pissed at him over it though?!

I only had a few things I needed to get today but NOW.. oh NOW, John-boy, you’re going to spend so much money your wallet will be weeping by the time I’m done with you!

“Let’s get a move on then, first stop is the clothing district. Eris needs a complete new wardrobe and I need something designed with tails in mind.”
It really isn’t comfortable having my leggings folded down at the back to let the tail hang loose over the edge; it feels like they’re gonna fall down or something equally stupid!
“You know what? Just for the hell of it I’ll get a new wardrobe too, Summer AND Winter clothes of course.”

Eris practically vibrated in excitement at the idea of new clothes.
It took a moment for me to realise that, while she may actually BE excited, the real reason she was vibrating so much was that she was trying to hide her laughter from John.
..we can’t have that can we?..

“I think we both need some new jewellery too. I’ve always been fond of twenty-four karat gold and Oppenhiemer diamonds you know?..”
A little ‘snerk’ noise came from the brown haired bundle in my arms as I listed the two most expensive things I could think of off the top of my head.
“What about you Eris? Any preferences?”

Despite her best efforts, her lips trembled slightly as she desperately tried to keep a straight face while answering.
“..I always HAVE been fond of Emeralds?..”

John groaned loudly, which was the final touch needed to set Eris off properly into a long fit of giggles that shook her little frame as she hugged tightly into my chest.
My lips split into a wide amused smile with just a hint of sinister intent that was emphasised by a flash of fang for good measure.

I really need to find a mirror soon because these ‘cat features’ I’ve got seem to be REALLY good for intimidation if John’s full-body shudder is anything to go by?!

There’ll be time for that later though, we’ve got six whole hours to kill after all!
Besides there are much more fun things to be doing right now.. like prodding John some more.

“Do you know, I think I heard a rumor that someone’s got a Dragon’s foot with them today?.. certified as being taken directly from Leherensuge, the last of its kind, during the great Basque culling of eighteen-o-two.. just IMAGINE how much THAT’S worth?!”

I’m joking of course?
Leherensuge WAS the last European dragon known in existence and it WAS killed in the early eighteen-hundreds; but I have no idea where its foot could be in the slightest.

It’s just fun watching John try to not show how painful the idea of spending THAT much money out on something so useless just to appease me because his little ‘prank’ gone wrong annoyed me a bit honestly!

I think I’m feeling a bit predatory and vindictive at the moment for some reason too, which probably helps I guess?

======

“You look like the cat that got the cream Mom..”

I groaned dramatically and slumped against the bench seat of our changing room.
Eris started giggling happily to herself over her ‘barely-a-pun’ pun.

Her burger’s effects, purple eyes and orange fingernails, have already worn off at this point.
We’ve been shopping for about an hour so far so that’s to be expected although sadly I can’t say the same for MY newest editions though.

I’m not exactly a huge fan of clothes shopping but as my earlier lack of ‘frumpy’ clothes and my currently conjured outfit attest, it’s kind of necessary this time?
I wasn’t really planning on doing it TODAY of course but John made that decision with his stupidity earlier so he’s only got himself to blame!

He’s waiting outside with several bags in his hand at the moment.
At first he went to shrink the bags but a growl from me put paid to that idea.

He’s being the bag-boy for today and that means NO cheating with magic!
I want his arms nice and sore from all the heavy carrying by the time we get done, serve him right for being an asshole with this whole ‘cat burger’ thing.

“What’s next Mom?”
My eyes cut down to Eris.
She stared back at me in fascination.

I can’t really blame her for that.
When we got into our first changing room of the day I spent a good solid five minutes staring at myself too, my eyes to be specific.

Slit pupils and an odd almost-yellow coloration that I’ve only ever seen in cats before are really weird to see on my own face?
The fact that my pupils can’t make up their minds when it comes to dilation and seem to be in almost constant movement, shrinking and growing apparently at random, doesn’t help either!

“I’m done for now but there are a few more dresses left for you to try on. I’m going to check on John, so you try them on and come out to show me okay?”
She didn’t seem too pleased at the idea of me leaving but I think the fact that I’d be just outside the changing rooms waiting mollified her somewhat.

Powers know I’ve had enough practice in the last hour, but I’m still not comfortable with the idea of changing around Eris in the slightest!

Before she could talk me out of it I quickly gathered my outfits together and made my way outside.
It wasn’t until the door slid shut behind me that I let myself breathe out the sigh I’ve been holding in for a while now.

“How much longer are we going to be doing this? My arms are tired and honestly I’m bored as all hell..”
My lips twitched up in an amused smirk at John’s almost sulky tone of voice.

“Mee-aybe we’ll keep going until the shops shut? All these outfits are just purr-fect.”
I know the puns are bad and the ‘accent’ is stupid but I’m doing it for a reason!

It’s taken a while for me to work it out.
I’ve got nothing BUT time to kill at the moment though and you can’t rush brilliance after all..
Either way, I’ve got a theory!

It’s been gaining traction ever since the cat ears ‘appeared’ on my head, although I put it down to just guilt at first.. I think John has a thing for ‘cat-girls’?
It’s not any one thing exactly but his reactions, general twitchiness and strange little looks whenever my tail swish’s or my ear’s move have started to add up over time.

The first time I used the ‘accent’, stolen from a particularly annoying anime character I vaguely remember, was about twenty minutes ago and every time I do it again it gets the same reaction from him.
His eyes twitch a little and if he’s not already flushed then a blush forms on his cheeks that’s just barely noticeable against his usual skin tone!
The really big sign though, in my opinion, is that he’s suddenly become so easy to manipulate?!

Not in an evil sort of way but there is no WAY I’d normally be able to just tell John to do something and he’d do it without at least questioning my motives?
..Like this for instance!..

“Go put these back on the racks for me nee-ow John-boy.”
He flushed again and couldn’t quite meet my eyes but he also didn’t hesitate as his hand shot out to take the assorted dresses and tops from me before marching off without another word to put them back where they came from.

Honestly? I could get used to this kind of service!
I might have to keep the cat features when this all wears off just for the amenities I get from their existence?!

..it’s quite fun watching John turn into a particularly useful puddle of putty in my hands..
Oh, here he comes!
That was fast?!

“I don’t know why you can’t just take your own stuff back..”
Someone’s been away from the power of the cat-girl for too long!
He’s already falling back into his usual grumpy ways.

..we can’t have that, I’m enjoying myself too much..

Careful to seem ‘careless’ and calm, I sidled up to John’s chest and butted my shoulder into his arm for attention.
He looked down at me at last and I twitched my ears cutely.

Barely a second passed before the flush returned to his cheeks.

I KNEW it!
I KNEW all that anime as a kid would corrupt his-
..wait, this is John we’re talking about?..
-push his already corrupt mind further into the gutter!

..There, that’s better!..

“You knee-ow you’re enjoying it too John-boy..”
From my new position against his chest I let a purr rumble out which got another full-body shiver from him.

He’s becoming oddly predictable at this point?

“That’s the problem with pets, they never do know what their owners want..”
His cheeks are even brighter after saying that line but it was a nice attempt at breaking the moment and trying to regain his usual ‘cool’ attitude.. it completely failed of course, but the attempt was nice at least!

“Ohh.. a pet am I?”
I pushed a bit harder into his chest and stared up at him with my best ‘wide-eyed’ innocent look, just a hint of fang poking over my lip because I knew how much it would screw with his head too.
“Are you offering to be my owner John-boy?”

His blush went super-nova!
For a long moment he just kind of stalled while staring down at my face in awe.

“Hannah what are yo-”
I saw my chance and went in for the kill.

My fur soft hair brushed lightly against the bare skin on his arm as I turned and forced my back against his chest playfully while my head rolled up to meet his eyes again.
The purr that rumbled in my throat made even ME feel good.

John didn’t stand a chance.
Words died on his lips and he could barely manage to stutter to himself for a solid ten seconds.

With one last evil little smirk I twisted my surprisingly flexible body and stare up at his flushed face with wide innocent ‘kitty’ eyes.
“Being yours would be just purrr-fect.. Master..”

If this WAS one of those ‘cat-girl’ animes then I’m pretty sure John’s head would have just exploded with the mother of all nosebleeds!

As it is he turned bright red and just gaped down at me in so much shock that I think he almost swallowed his tongue?!
I couldn’t hold it anymore!
With a jolt I pushed away from him and practically folded in on myself with laughter.

“THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE!”

That’s SO going in my memory vault for future incarnations to enjoy!
His whole look right now is just priceless, he looks like a purr-ticularly cute fish!

uh.. correction ‘particularly’.. and ‘un-cute’ fish..
I think this cat things going to my head a bit?

Damn malfunctioning female feline brai-
Something warm and wet just pressed lightly against my lips?!

My eyes shot open again in surprise.
All I could do is stare into John’s slightly worried but still somehow gentle eyes as he kissed my lips.

It seemed to take him a while to realise that I was watching him but when he did he jerked back with a surprised gasp and quickly paced backwards away from me.

“..you kissed me..”
He flinched and his eyes shot around us to see if anyone was around to see us.
“You KISSED me!”

“Hannah, I’m SO sorry! You just looked so cute and you pouted with those little fangs and your ears perked up and I just..”
He didn’t quite seem to know what to do with himself?

I don’t know what to do either?!
He bloody kissed me!

HE kissed ME!
John doesn’t kiss me!
There is NO kissing of any kind!!

“You son of a bitch! What the hell do you think your-”
His hand covered my mouth to stop the steadily increasing volume of my voice.

Almost instantly I had a flash back to my vision of Andromeda in pretty much this exact same situation with her version of John, ‘Perseus’.
My hands fisted into tight balls for a moment before loosening again slightly as my pointed nails dug painfully into my skin.

“Ge’m-m’our-‘and-omph-mm-moph”
I’m not sure if he heard me or understood me even if he did.
He seemed more focused on making sure no-one else heard my initial yell honestly.

I could go with the same trick Andromeda pulled and lick the offending appendage.. but I think I can do better than that?

To be fair I gave him another five seconds to pull his hand away before smirking into his palm and opening my mouth wide.
A purr rumbled low in my chest when my pointed new canines sank into the skin of his hand effortlessly.

It was almost fun to watch the second it took for John’s face to register the pain.
Less than a moment later he’d yanked his hand free and moved away from me with a startled yell.

I tried not to feel too proud of myself but my amused grin and happy purr probably gave the game away slightly I think?

“Don’t EVER put your hand over my mouth again!”
He hissed and clutched his arm just above his palm instead of answering me properly.

Oh for powers sake.. he’s such a baby!
Good thing for him we’re in a magical shopping district.
It’s also a good thing that the Bazaar itself is magically shielded beyond belief?

Seeing as the last time I used magic outside of Mrs J’s house we called down the wrath of a surprisingly nice Norse thunder god, I wouldn’t have bothered helping him otherwise to say the least..

With a dip and a swirl my magic sprang forth eagerly.
A portion of it left my body in a cresting bubble of golden light.

It got just past John’s body, healing his ‘injured’ hand in the process, before dissipating suddenly.

Woah! Headrush?!
My hand came up to steady myself slightly as my sense of balance decided to go silly for a second.

..What on earth caused that?..

I think I’m okay?.. maybe?..
Well, the worlds not exploding around us so I guess whatever it was can’t be that bad can it?

Anyway.. can I just say, ‘wow’?!
The wards around here must be better than I thought?
Full active-magic suppression with such a quick response time and wide area of effect..

It might even be the reason I suddenly got a little light-headed for a moment there too?
I kinda want to check out their ward-stone now!

I bet it’s got to be the size of a BUS to manage something on that scale so easily?!

“Thanks.”
My eyes cut back over to John distractedly and I offered him a slightly limp smile, my attention more focused on the new rune ‘problem’ I’d just found then him honestly.

“No problem, letting off golden bubbles is what I do apparently..”

What were we arguing about again?
It had to be something bad but venting some magic always makes everything a little hazy for me.
It was something.. wait..

“You KISSED ME, you BASTARD!”
John flinched hard and shot a nervous look around us.
A few other shoppers had stopped to watch the scene we were making but I was beyond caring at this point.

I can’t BELIEVE he bloody KISSED me?!

We DON’T do kissing!
There is no kissing of ANY kind!
Not me, Not John, Not ANYBODY!

I don’t do kissing!

“Way to go Dad, step one on project ‘baby brother or sister’ complete!”
I practically froze solid.

That one didn’t come from me or John?
The voice is too high-pitched and childish for a start..

Slowly I turned to face the newcomer which turned out to be Eris of course.
She grinned at me proudly with a bright cheeky smile on her face.
..project ‘baby brother or sister’?..

I flinched hard as what that meant finally registered in my head.
In one smooth action I spun around to glare at John again in rage.
What the HELL is he planning?!!

He looked about as surprised as I did though sadly.
The confusion on his face calmed my anger slightly, the waves of surprised and mortified emotions rolling off of his magic added to the overall effect too.

It looks like whatever this ‘project’ is.. not that it’s hard to guess with a title like that.. it’s something Eris came up with herself?

With that in mind I turned back to her and gave her a warning look.
It deflated her prideful smile in seconds.
I actually felt a little guilty for ruining her obvious fun but at the same time I need to press the point home to her VERY quickly that there will BE no ‘brothers or sisters’ as long as I’m in charge!

I know Arista has like, a BILLION kids at this point, but that doesn’t mean she needs any more OR that I’m going to help in that manner no matter what anyone says!

“Eris, that dress looks very pretty. Come back into the changing rooms and we’ll check out the last few.”
She cringed at my measured tone.
Despite that she dutifully followed me back behind the curtains and into the little room with her piled up clothes inside it.

“I’m in trouble aren’t I?”
Her subdued tone and downcast eyes mollified a little more of my anger over the whole situation but I still need to drive the point home before she gets anymore bright ideas and tries to ‘help’ the ‘project’ along in some way.

“Close the door and take a seat sweetie. We just need to have a little chat.”
Her shoulders slumped and she moved over to the bench like a condemned prisoner, keeping her head down instead of looking at me which really doesn’t feel good in the slightest honestly?

I sighed heavily, bringing a hand up to squeeze that one spot between my eyes that helps when I get a headache.
I don’t have one.. yet.. but it’s still something that helps me calm down in general.

“Look Eris, I know that I.. that your Mom.. uh..”
..oh boy, this is going to get awkward..

I can’t even get the pronouns right, let alone cover the important points!

======

“All sorted?”

“Stop talking, I’ve still not forgiven you for kissing me yet.”
The smirk that formed on his face really didn’t help my mood in the slightest.
Not that my feelings matter in any situation apparently!

Ten minutes of ‘chatting’ with Eris and we made practically zero progress?!
I tried to be subtle at first obviously but eventually even a blunt ‘I’m not trying to get pregnant’ failed as well.

She smiled at me knowingly and nodded along but I didn’t even need to feel her magic to tell she didn’t believe me in the slightest.. it’s like she’s so used to ‘her mother’ having kids that the idea I might not actually WANT any is a completely new concept for her or something?!

“Do you have a time-frame in mind before you forgive me and we can talk like adults again?”
With a huff I turned away from him to focus back on watching the changing room’s entrance for when Eris eventually comes out instead.
“You know that’s always been one of your more endearing personality traits?.. you’re maturity..”

“You know one of YOU’RE more ‘endearing personality traits’ was the fact that for several years I didn’t know where you were or have to listen to you talking on a regular basis?!.. let’s go back to the good old days, shall we?”
Out the corner of my eye I could see him flinch hard at that one.

I didn’t mean to snap at him.. well.. no, actually I TOTALLY did..
He deserved it because, no matter how you look at it, he bloody KISSED ME!!

The curtain to the changing room area moved slightly and Eris slowly made her way out to us.

She was unsurprisingly a bit overloaded with clothes.
I probably should have been in there to help her but I just had to get out of that changing room before I really snapped at her over the whole ‘thinking she’s going to get another brother or sister’ thing to be honest?
I never claimed to be good parent material!

I took a step forward to give her a helping hand but before I could take another step something warm landed on top of my head.

My body froze in place as whatever it was shifted and started slowly rubbing the spot on my head between my new ‘cat’ ears.
A few seconds later my legs turned to jelly as the thing, I’m guessing it’s a hand of some sort from the way it’s scratching me so well, hit JUST the right spot; pulling an involuntary purr from my lips in response.

My head practically moved on its own as it rolled into the warm palm.
The next thing I knew my whole body had turned into the warmth and another deep purr rumbled up from my chest.

“..huh.. works even better when you actually have the ears to go with it?..”

It took all I had to fight past the fog that was starting to take over my brain and shove him away forcefully.
I must have caught him completely off guard because John nearly seemed to fly as he skidded across the floor and came to rest against a rack of clothes in stunned silence.

As I came back to myself again the hackles on the back of my neck flared and my tail shot practically straight up with the light blue hairs on it fluffing up in indignant rage.
I almost sank down onto all fours instinctively as my ears flattened themselves back and an angry hiss left my lips.

“Don’t you EVER do that again! I swear to the powers John I WILL hurt you, you’re on thin-ice right now you smug asshole!!”

Before he could gather himself back together enough to offer some kind of lame defence for his actions that I REALLY don’t care to hear right now I was up and leaving the store at a sprint.
Eris called after me in surprise but I couldn’t stop, I’m annoyed at the pair of them for different reasons right now and she’ll be safe with John at least.

With speed that I’m honestly not sure was entirely ‘normal’ I was three streets and two junctions away before I leaned heavily against a clear space of wall to catch my breath.

Damn it John!
Why can’t you just STOP being an asshole for once in your life?!

Just when I started thinking you could be.. damn it John!..

======

“..Mau?..”

With one beady eye I turned my head to glare at the fuzz-ball.
Apparently he followed me?

“Not right now.”
My hands twitched in their current position holding my belly tightly.
I’ve been having twinges and little sharp pains in my stomach for a while now, it’s really not helping my mood honestly and I’m not sure what’s causing it?

The kitten seemed to consider me for a second, its head cocked slightly to the side as it stared with those too-wide blue eyes.
“Mau?”

I huffed loudly to myself and folded my arms under my chest in frustration.
I KNOW I’m being stupid, I don’t need a cat to tell me that thank-you-very-much!

“Mau..”
My eyes cut over to him again in a sharp glare.

No, I’m not going back!
Do I look stupid or something?!

With the way things have been going lately I’ll take one look at the pair of them and start sobbing my heart out or blowing things up in rage or.. or just doing SOMETHING that really isn’t ‘ME’ in general!

“Mau”

..yeah, a bathroom break’s probably a good idea..
People are giving me weird looks so if nothing else I can wash up or something I guess?

I must be a right state at the moment, blue hair and blotchy tearstained too-puffy cheeks!

“Come on then. I suppose you’re going to follow me aren’t you?”
He seemed to preen proudly for a second or two before looking back up at me with an unnervingly intense stare.

“Mau”
Figured as much..

“Fine, but you’re not coming into the bathroom too. It’s called the Ladies for a reason.”
He almost seemed offended for a moment.
I’m not really sure how I know he’s a ‘he’ honestly but I just do?

His reaction says I’m right anyway so what does it matter in the end!

“Let’s go then..”
I pushed myself back up the wall a little, careful to not scrape my tail on anything as I went, and started pacing towards the nearest toilets I can remember seeing.

It took a few more steps before the strangeness of our whole ‘conversation’ finally hit home at last?

My head turned to fix him with a searching look for second.
He’s not a normal cat, too smart for a start.. but even so, I shouldn’t be able to talk to him and understand him so well just from the noises he’s making?

Maybe it’s a cat thing?
I’m apparently ‘strongly in-touch with my spirit animal’ at the moment AND I’ve got the tail, ears and sandpaper tongue to match as well..

It would be almost weird if I COULDN’T understand him at this point wouldn’t it?

..when did my life become so messed up that THAT kind of logic became ‘normal’ in any way?..
With one last heavy sigh I left that train of thought for later and focused back on sorting myself out first.
Now that I’m up and moving, I kinda need to pee which may have influenced that decision slightly too by some small margin?

Not that they don’t feel weird already just by existing, but things ‘down there’ feel a bit weird at the moment?
Probably best to check it out quickly, who knows what crap could be wrong with me THIS time?!

“Mau”
You said it buddy!

I could go for some cat-nip myself right about now come to think of it?..

======

Some ‘witch’ in a barely thigh-length black robe that practically screamed ‘Halloween costume’ instead of the parody of a traditional robe it was supposed to be gave me a snooty look as I wandered into the bathroom, sans the kitten obviously who seemed to take up some kind of guarding position at the door when we got here with surprising efficiency.

Rather than let her judgemental look get to me I shuffled past and made my way over to the end sink furthest from her before daring a look in the mirror.

I kind of can’t blame her for the look now?
I’m a total mess!

My hairs all over the place and still that far too bright shade of blue obviously; all the work Eris put into fixing it partially up for me this morning has started to unravel as well.
..I guess her magic isn’t strong enough yet to last a full day after all?..

My far too ‘cute’ looking Arista face was marred by puffy eyes as I’d guessed it would be from the crying and all.. not that I cried THAT much or anything..
While it wasn’t exactly a good look, I have to reluctantly admit that it does add a certain level of ‘vulnerability’ to my now standard resting bitch-face if nothing else?

The slutty witch with the obviously fake hair extensions and ugly sneer on her face finally left, throwing a backwards look at me just for the sake of it.
I sighed heavily and leaned against the sink a moment later.

“Pee first, than sort this mess out.. priority’s Hannah..”

Pep-talk complete I made my way over to one of the empty stalls and mechanically went about my business.
I let off a quiet squeak and winced slightly when my poor butt landed on the cold seat.

Why is it we can use magic to do SO many things, but no-one’s invented a permanently warm toilet seat yet?!

“Probably all too squeamish to think of it.. I’ll add it to the list I guess?”
As I shuffled around slightly to get comfortable my stomach suddenly spiked in pain for what feels like the hundredth time in the last hour.

“Fuccckkk...”
My hands squeezed down hard on my stomach to try and alleviate the pain a little.

As if it wasn’t bad enough that I’m grouchy and I made an ass of myself running out of the shop earlier now I’ve got THIS to contend with!
..stupid traitorous new body..

“What the hell’s wrong with me?.. I-”
My writhing finally brought my attention down to my legs that had kicked out slightly for balance, or more specifically my partly rolled down leggings and underwear.. my slightly stained underwear..

Seemingly without any input from me my head rolled back to stare up at the ceiling in disgust.
It didn’t quite feel real as I sat there trying to process it all and desperately trying not to puke at the same time.

That makes WAY too much sense!

Unreasonable bouts of anger?..
Weight gain and insecurities about that gain, imagined or not?..
Random crying jags for no understandable reason?..
Food cravings?.. Headaches?..

A rather terrifying and sudden ‘interest’ in the other half of the procreation equation, more specifically John and his.. ya know?

“Crap.. I’ve practically been following every step in the ‘Surviving Sarah on her period’ guide book for DAYS now?!..”

Figures!

It all makes too much sense right about now.
‘what are you apologizing for?’, ‘I don’t know’..
How did that not tip me off instantly?

STUPID female body! Stupid John! Stupid Hormones!!

I’ve lived with Sarah long enough to know the symptoms for what they are.
I wrote them off completely with all the stress I’m under and Mrs J’s little mental magic throwing new incarnations into the mental swamp of dead-women that I call a brain?!

My magic use and venting probably didn’t help either?
The bliss effect I get from venting lately is like taking a Xanax and half a tab of Ecstasy every five minutes!
..it REALLY can’t be good for my mental health now that I think about it..

“Why me?”

If you want to be rational and calm about it all then it’s probably got a mix of reasons behind it honestly.
My..my ‘period’ has just been exacerbated by the already existing problems I’m having from all the mind-magic and general incarnation/integration related mess I’ve had lately?

I’ve barely had time to catch my breath recently, let alone properly find my center and calm down the ever increasing storm of un-processed emotions in my head..

Slowly my eyes trailed back down to stare at that damning mark.

“..urgk..”
Just looking at it makes me feel sick!
The stomach- CRAP! They’re cramps aren’t they?!

I’m SUCH an idiot!..they aren’t helping the sick feeling was my original point though.
..stupid cramps..

“Screw it”
With a dip and a push I forced out a golden dome to clean things up.
It had the added benefit of momentarily easing my.. my cramps.. but it really was only a momentary reprieve and if anything the pain came back even worse than it started out as before somehow?!

“urgk!”
Feels like someone kicked me in the gut and then came back for seconds!
..anymore of that and I really will puke..

To try and ease the twisting pain I leaned back into the toilet seat.
At the last second I remembered my tail but that became a bit of a moot point when my back came to rest against the lid without any kind of obstruction getting in the way?

“Huh?”

Cautiously my hand went around to feel the spot just below my brand where ‘my’ tail had sprouted after eating that stupid burger.. and made contact with nothing but smooth skin?..
With a flash of excitement despite my aching stomach my arm shot up to my head and touched.. my hair?.. JUST my hair!

No more cat ears? No more tail!
I ran my tongue over my front teeth and couldn’t help but grin to myself.
No more fangs and no more sandpaper either!

Have I mentioned how much I love my magic lately?!
I LOVE my MAGIC!!

“Wooo! No more Cat-Hannah!”
Someone outside my stall snorted back a laugh at about the same moment that my stomach decided to remind me that throwing up fists in celebration when you’re suffering from cramps isn’t a good idea.

“..owwie..”

The dizzy spell I had when I healed John earlier must have been my magic trying to counter the cat potion from the burger and failing due to lack of power or something instead of the backlash from overly powerful wards like I’d assumed?

Part of me wanted to start working on that idea but a much bigger part focused on the sharp ache in my gut that decided to make its presence known again.
I curled in on myself and hissed in a pained breath through my teeth.

Damn you mother-nature!
I’m a guy damn it, I’m not meant to understand how this feels from personal experience!!

======

“Aaah..Fwooo!”
Glad that one’s over with!

Swear these things are getting worse?
It doesn’t help that my butt’s going numb sitting here for so long either!

..maybe I should get up and see what I can do to fix this?..

Good idea brain, one-two-three.. uhggggkmma!..
NO!.. No, definitely not a good idea!..

..owwie..

Urg! Come ON Hannah!!
You’ve fought your way through demon dens with practically every important bone in your body broken before, are you really going to let a little stomach ache that half the human race goes through monthly take you down?!

Sarah’s had to do public events for her show while she was due on before?!
I REFUSE to be the weak sister here!!

“Urgk.”
With more determination then I honestly thought I had left I managed to force myself back to my feet.
A few gasps and twitches later I managed to get my undies and legging back up in relative order.

“Look on the brightside.. yeah.. the brightside..”
I almost ended up face-planting into the door when another stabbing twist made itself known out of nowhere but luckily it was only a short one, even if the intensity did catch me off guard.

“It’s almost over.. just a few more days of this crap.. yeah, ‘brightside’.. maybe not?”
The door eventually opened and I went over to the sink right in front of me, leaning heavily against it to catch my breath.

Powers! If this is what a period feels like just imagine what fresh kind of hell child-birth must be?!!

“Pregnant.. brightside.. I’m not pregnant.. heh..”
Deep breath in, and out again.

It’s not a punishment from an evil universe that hates me, it’s an alarm clock going off telling me that I’m not.. that I’m..I’m not.. pre..pregnant?..

I don’t know what came over me but I went from a mild sense of relief to all out tears of anguish in seconds as that realisation sunk in!
I don’t wan..want to be pregnant?

Why..why does the idea suddenly HURT so much?!!

My hand eased itself off of the sink to rest gently on my belly making me wince as a wave of guilt and emptiness came rushing in again, threatening to overtake me completely.

This is crazy!
This isn’t me.. it.. it REALLY isn’t me?

Not in an ‘I’m acting weird’ kind of way I mean this LITERALLY isn’t me?!

This is some past incarnation acting up!!
Like that time Lady M managed to force me to hate the red tartan skirts and swap them for the blue ones..

Oh crap why NOW of all times?!
I couldn’t see anything, it took me a moment or two to realise that tears were blurring my vision.

I..I’m not pregnant?
A sob of grief ripped itself from my lips and I practically collapsed to the floor beside the sink.
My back landing heavily against the tiles as I pulled myself into a miserable ball around my stupid empty bleeding uterus!

“I can’t.. I..”

No words could quite seem to express the horrible mix of emotions battering their way into my brain at that moment?
Guilt, Anger, Disgust, Fear and Self-loathing?

All the ingredients needed to push me right up to the edge and beyond!

“I’m sorry.. ‘m s-sorry..”
Another cramp hit me hard and I tightened my little ball a bit more in response but no more words could come out.

The world was just pain and sobs as I fought an uphill battle to try and stay sane with so many voices in my head going crazy, blaming me, blaming themselves, blaming the world in general or anything else they could think of for why we weren’t carrying something so precious with us at this exact moment!

“..I’m sorry..”

======

“Mom?”

ERIS! Like a little ray of sunshine she stood by the bathroom entrance watching me with wide, confused eyes.

Ignoring my body’s complaints I was back on my feet in seconds and across the room to scoop her up in a desperately tight hug.

She’s MINE!
My daughter, no-one else’s!
I’m not going to lose another one EVER again!

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

She sounds really worried.
It almost physically hurt to hear her so worried about me..

Well, either that or it was another cramp building I guess, who knows at this point?!

Her little hand came up and wiped at my cheek gently as she stared at me almost fearfully.
“Mom?”

The floodgates broke and I ended up collapsing back to my knees while burying my face in her hair.
She seemed momentarily stunned while I held her and shook with silent sobs that hurt my chest from their intensity.

She’s mine!
They’re all mine!
She’s mine.. my little Eris..

“DAD!”
I winced at her volume but a moment later someone came scrambling in behind us.

“Sleep”

Before I had time to really process what was going on a hand landed on top of my head making the world fade out in a muddled haze and on into the blissful emptiness of sleep that swallowed me up whole.