“Samantha, can we stop by the hospital?” Erika begged of her friend.

“I thought you’d be sick of that place.” Samantha looked to her friend.

“I am, but I think it would be nice to show Allie and Annie that there are people out there who are thinking of them. Especially if the rumor is true.”

“Sure.” Samantha nodded.

“Do you think it is?” Erika asked.

“That one of the twins is…. trans?”

Erika nodded.

“It’s possible, I guess.”

“I’ll text my mom and let her know that we’ll be late.”

“You two working things out?” Samantha asked.

“It seems like it. I think having Aunt Carrie come to visit might have helped. I don’t know. I guess I’ll find out over the next few days or weeks if she has come to accept me.”

Erika, with a vase of flowers walked down the hall to where a police officer was standing outside of a room. One of the twins and what looked like a big brother were sitting across the hall looking worried.

“Um Hello.” Erika greeted.

The two looked up. “Erika, right?” Allie asked.

Erika nodded.

“You’re a cheerleader for Washington High.”

“Rally squad, actually.” Erika smiled. I heard that your sister was shot?”

“Excuse me.” The guy with a cast jumped up. I’ll be over there.” He pointed with his chin.
Once he was gone, Allie invited Erika to sit. “You’ll have to excuse Evan. He’s pretty worked up over this.”

“I hope you don’t mind me coming by.” Erika smiled. “Your skater friends said that you’d be here.”

“I’m glad you came.” Allie smiled.

“Um.” Erika looked embarrassed. “I don’t know which twin you are.”

Allie chuckled. “I’m Allie. My sister is….”

“Annie.” Erika finished with her.” How is Annie?”

“She lost a lot of blood.” Allie bit her lip. “That asshole.” She shook her head. “Sorry. Annie has been in and out of the hospital more than anyone should. She just got out of here a few weeks ago, from a blood clot that traveled to her lungs. It almost killed her. She was just starting to feel better when that bastard Wexler shot her.” Tears streamed down Allies face.

Erika set the flowers aside and wrapped Allie in a huge hug. “I’m so sorry,” She stated.

“How can anyone have so much hate?” she sobbed. “Annie would never hurt anyone.”

Erika just held her.

Erika’s phone went off. Erika pulled back and checked it.

Samantha: We need to get going.

“Allie. I need to get going. My ride is getting impatient. Can I see your phone?”

Allie wiped away her tears using the back of her sweatshirt. And pulled her cell out of her pocket.

Erika quickly entered her cell number and email address. “Here is my contact info,” she handed the phone back. “Please let me know how she is doing. Let her know that the Washington High cheer and Rally squads are thinking of her. And if you need to talk…… well please…. You have friends on the other side of Constitution.”

“Thank you, Erika.”

“Take care Evan.” Erika said as she passed.

“Ya.” He just nodded.
--oOo--

“Well?” Samantha asked. “Did you find out if the rumor is true?”
“Samantha!” Erika screeched. “Annie is in a very serious condition. There is a family really hurting up there. Allie is a wreck and their older brother is torn up, and all you want to know is if the rumor is true?” Erika was shaking with rage.

“I’m sorry.” Samantha winced. “I thought that is why you wanted to come.”

“I wanted to come because I have met them a couple of times and they were very nice. I wanted to come to let them know that people cared for them regardless of any rumors.”

“I’m sorry.” Samantha pulled out of the hospital parking lot.
--oOo--

“So, Erika.” Dr. Barts broke the silence. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“How was your surgery?”

“It went good. They got the tumor.”

“Have you had any change in feelings? Emotional swings?”

Erika was silent. “Not really.”

“How is your mom?”

“She is still seeing you, isn’t she?” Erika asked.

Dr. Barts nodded.

“Then you’d probably know better than I.”

“Is there something on your mind, Erika?”

Erika was silent for a moment. “Did you hear about the shooting at the skate park? A cheerleader from Adams High school was shot.”

“I did hear something.” Dr. Barts stated.

“There was a rumor that she was a…. she was transgender.”

“Mmm.”

“Is it true?” Erika asked.

“I don’t know.” Dr. Barts stated. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. It would be like me telling another patient that you were a boy.”

“I’m not a boy any longer.” Erika stated. “At least, I don’t want to be one.”

“MmHmm.”

“I get a choice now, don’t I?” Erika asked. “I figure with the tumor gone and with puberty yet to set in, I get a choice.”

“And what would that choice be?” Dr. Barts looked over the rim of her glasses.

“Why else would I be here.” Erika stated. “I want to be a girl. “When can I start Hormone replacement? Or blockers?” Erika asked.

“Once we figure out what your brains is going to do.” Dr. Barts stated. “I thought your Endocrinologist explained this to you.”

“He did.”

“I’m just afraid of starting male puberty.” Erika looked out the window. “Do you think she was shot because someone found out that she was transgender?”

“Are you afraid of someone threatening you?” Dr. Barts asked.

“I don’t know. Jordon and Taylor were grossed out by that cheerleader maybe being trans.”

“Many people are uncomfortable with the unknown or things that they don’t understand.”

“I understand not being comfortable, but hate? Taylor’s attitude was bordering hate.” Erika glanced at Dr. Barts then back out the window. “Allie said that the kid that shot Annie was full of hate…. I just don’t understand.”

“Very few do.” Dr. Barts said. “These are all good questions and good things to think about however, if you start getting depressed about any of this, you need to call me right away. These things can lead you to dark places. Places that you really shouldn’t go.”

“Okay.”

“Erika.”

“Yes.”

“You’ll call me, right?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not suicidal or anything.” Erika stated. “I’m just trying to figure things out. Then there is the whole Josh thing.

“What Josh thing?” Dr. Barts inquired. “Do you like Josh?”

Erika looked hard at Dr. Barts. Josh is the guy who tried to rape Samantha at camp last summer. His parents got a good lawyer and were able to settle out of court. He won’t even go to Juvie. Can you believe that? He tried to rape someone and gets off?”

“Did they do a rape kit or collect evidence?” Dr. Barts was concerned.

“No. We kind of washed it off when we got into the lake after knocking him out.”

Erika gave Dr. Barts some of the details of what they did. She left out the part about super gluing his butt cheeks together.

“And you and your girlfriends didn’t get arrested?”

“For protecting ourselves?”

“Knocking him out and reporting him was protecting yourselves. Stripping him naked and taping him to a tree was revenge. Didn’t the football team do something similar to you when you were Eric?”

Erika looked away from the Doctor.

“Erika?”

“I can’t believe that I did that.” Erika’s voice seemed distant, even to herself. “I wanted him to suffer. To feel as helpless as Samantha felt as he held her down. As helpless as I felt when I was on that flagpole.”

“Did you feel vindicated?”
“Yes…… no.”

“Which one?”

“Both?” her mind tried to avoid that incident. “Why would someone just shoot someone that was different?” Erika changed the subject. “Just because someone wants to be a girl?”

Dr. Barts sighed. “Your mom mentioned meeting your Aunt Carrie.”

Erika smiled.

“You like your Aunt Carrie?”

“She was a nice surprise.” Erika grinned.

“Your mother mentioned that Aunt Carrie is transgender.”

Erika nodded. “She scared me when I first met her.” Erika admitted. “She didn’t transition until later in life, after she had been a man for a while. She even fathered kids. They don’t speak to her.” Erika frowned. “There is too much hate. Aunt Carrie is so loving and caring.”

“She scared you how?” Dr. Barts asked.

“She looks like a man in a dress. A great big man, with facial hair and everything.” Erika grimaced. “But once I looked into her eyes, I saw the real person. The loving, wonderful, caring, woman who just wanted to be loved.”

“Is that why you want on blockers so quickly?”

Erika nodded. I don’t want to have to go through that and then try to get back to where I need to be.”
“You need to be?”

Erika nodded. “Dr. Barts.” She looked the Dr. straight in the eye. “I do not want to go through male puberty. I do not want to be a man. I want to be a girl.”

Erika dropped her gaze and looked out the window again. A layer of light snow dusted the bare tree branches.

“Now is by best chance of getting there. Before the testosterone changes me into something I don’t want to be.”

“Something you don’t want to be? Or Something that you are not?”

“Yes?” Erika asked. “I mean…. I don’t know what I mean. I’m at a crossroads. A crossroads that ninety-nine percent of the population cannot be at. A place where I get to choose where I want to go.” She looked back at Dr. Barts. “I want to be a girl.”

--oOo--

Erika sat down at her computer. Listening to make sure her mom was down stairs in the kitchen, she grabbed the waste basket next to her desk, lifted it up high and grabbed a bag of pills taped to the bottom of it. She selected two of the pills and swallowed them before putting everything back the way it was. She turned on her monitor and scanned her email.

Hi Matt.
So surgery went fine. I’m out of the hospital and back at school. Yes, I would love to get together with you while you are in town this weekend. There is a pretty cool food court in the mall here. They have lounge chairs and coffee tables, bar tables and a gas fireplace that we can hand around.
I’ll bring my sketch pad and stuff if you want. Should I bring Tricia and the other girls from Camp K?
Looking forward to seeing you.

Erika.

Hey Rachel.
Sorry I haven’t gotten to you sooner. Been dealing with a brain tumor and stuff. They got the tumor out through my nose. Gross, right? You should see Krystal. She is doing awesome. She has continued slimming down. Jorge says that she may not be losing weight but she is losing fat and gaining muscle mass. You should see how she tosses the cheerleaders around and catches them. You’d be jealous. And it all started with you at Camp K.
Hey. Samantha told me about Josh getting away with it again. I am so spitting mad. I think Samantha and I should drive to where he lives and take a sledge hammer to his Porche that he is supposed to be getting. I still can’t believe that he is getting away with this. What do you think we should do? I think we need to do something to let him know that he won’t get away with it, at least without some sort of payment.
Everything else here seems to be fine. Tricia is going to try out for the diving team. Don’t worry, I’m staying away from the diving boards.
Hope to hear back from you soon.
Erika.

“Erika!” her mother called up to her as she finished her email.

“Yes?”

“Someone is here to see you?”

Erika sighed, and padded down the stairs.

“Julian?”

“Hi, Erika.” Julian smiled shyly.

Stan stood beside him in the entranceway. “Hi Erika.”

“What are you two doing here?”

“Well.” Julian stretched uncomfortably, “I wasn’t able to stop by the hospital to see how you were doing when you were awake, and we were in the neighborhood.”

Stan stood behind him shaking his head ‘no’

“Come on in.” Erika stayed on the bottom step and gave her friend a hug. “I’m glad you came by.” She whispered into his ear. “I heard you aren’t fond of hospitals.”

“Nope.” Julian stated simply. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad and kind of surprised you came.” She waited for Stan to give her a hug as well. “I got the teddy you dropped off.” She smiled at the tall swimmer.

Julian’s face reddened.

“It was very nice of you.”

Erika’s mom came out of the kitchen. “I’ve got hot chocolate if you guys are interested. Soft drinks are in the fridge in the garage. Help yourself.”

“Thanks Mrs. Summers.” Julian stated.

Erika’s mom stopped and looked from Julian to Erika. Erika shook her head and mouthed. ‘Don’t’.
Her mom plastered a smile on her face and disappeared back into the kitchen.

“I heard that you were only doing half days at school this week.” Julian allowed Erika to lead him into the family room.

“Doctors orders.” Erika explained it away.

The three flopped into the various chairs and sofas.

Julian moved to the edge of the sofa and leaned forward to speak to Erika while watching for her mother in the kitchen. “Tricia has signed up to try out for diving.” He said. “I have my concerns.”

“Oh?” Erika kept her voice low.

“You know with her extracurricular activities?” He made the motions of smoking a joint.

“I don’t think it will be a problem.”

“They do require a drug test before allowing you on the team.” Stan joined. “She has said that she is good. I’d hate for her to try out and fail the drug test.”

“I honestly think it was that one time.” Erika looked between the two. “And she is very good. I got to watch her at summer camp.”

The two friends looked to one another. “We run a clean program.” Stan said. “We just want to make sure. We’d thought we would run it by you before going ahead with the try outs.”

“Here we are.” Erika’s mom handed the boys steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

They thanked her before sipping.

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.” She excused herself.

“Why aren’t you two having this conversation with Tricia?” Erika asked.

“We didn’t want her to feel like we were accusing her of something before we investigated a little more into the situation.” Stan stated. “Julian says that he saw her toking at Homecoming and it raised a red flag.”

“Well.” Erika stated. “I think you two need to go talk to her and ask her. But I’m telling you, she isn’t a druggie and she is an amazing diver. You’ll be lucky to have her on the team.”

The two finished their drinks, thanked Erika’s mother and left.

“You haven’t changed your name back to Martin?” her mother had her hands on her hips which did not bode well.

“I haven’t really had the opportunity.” Erika pointed at her head. “Brain surgery.”

“We are going to have to change that. It is on your transcripts and will cause a whole world of issues it we don’t change it.”

“Can we talk to the principal and ask if she can change it this summer?”

“Why?”

Erika took a deep breath. “Eric Martin is too close to Erika Martin. People will make the connection. Erika Summers is working. I don’t want anyone to connect me back to ‘The Plague’.”

“You really need to put this ‘Plague’ thing behind you.” Her mother huffed.

Easy for you to say. Erika thought but dared not speak.