Chapter 15

As Maggie and Karen drove away, Karen was the first to break the silence.

“Damn! Could this get any MORE complicated?!

“Is it really?” Maggie questioned, as they drove back to Karen’s hotel. “What Fran said tonight about the prevalent attitude in Warsop … that seems to be the missing piece ... the initial motivation for the kids while Gaby was here.”

“Certainly might explain Em and Maddy’s belief that Gaby would be humiliated, but not physically harmed … but Britney surely is aware of the prevalent attitude here,” Karen countered.

“As her sister clearly proved … it was all a matter of her social standing and misplaced priorities,” Maggie pointed out, reminding Karen of Jessica’s summary of Britney’s ‘confession’ at the Walters.

“Okay … I admit it fills in a gap or two, but it doesn’t address Maddy’s actions concerning Drew and Gaby, back in Warsop. Is it enough to admit she’s a lesbian and in deeply in love with Gaby? She’s admitted Drew wasn’t effeminate, so what made her choose to use him to make her ‘dream girl’ come alive? Did she somehow ‘see’ Drew’s true gender?”

“While you’re busy thinking of that, try to reason why she wanted Gaby here 24/7.”

“Easy … she wanted her girlfriend here,” Karen reasoned.

“But why the change in attitude towards her … from a loving, caring girlfriend … to … anything but! Gaby did nothing, so something had to spark Maddy’s change,” Maggie thoughtfully proposed.

“I did say ‘complicated’…” Karen joked. “I admit, the one bright spot in all this, is Gaby, herself. So far, she’s seemed to adapt quite well to no longer pretending to be Gaby, but living as Gaby. I doubt we’ll find she needs much help adjusting.”

“Speaking of help, Karen … you see Em’s face light up when you offered to talk with her?”

The two fell silent during the rest of the short drive, each deep in their own thoughts trying to make sense of all they had learned to date. After she swung into the hotel’s entrance and drove around to the front doors, Maggie put her hand on Karen’s arm as she stopped the car.

“I’ve been thinking … all this talk of attitude and social standing. Maybe we should look at that as well. What’s different for these kids … between Warsop and here?”

“You mean besides the bigotry that presides here … the ‘If it’s different, kill it’ mentality?” Karen quipped.

“Kind of … when you think about it … all these kids, including Maddy, have been manipulated by their social surroundings.”

“We all are,” Karen pointed out.

“True, but let’s take Maddy as a ‘fer instance’. When she arrived here, according to Gaby … the two were loving girlfriends and she recognized Gaby was Drew. In other words … ‘situation normal’. As the visit dragged on, Maddy’s attitude began to change and we all know what happened at the Cheer Competition … and earlier tonight. Why the change?”

“That’s the question we’d both like answered.”

“Come right down to it … all of Gaby’s friends in Warsop, are now, if not hostile … at least indifferent to her. Why? Do the social environments they found themselves in, differ from Gaby’s? What’s common … what’s different? The mystery may deepen, Karen … but the more I think about it … the more I’m convinced that we’ve got to start looking at more than just the individual kids. We have to look at what is influencing these kids … or to put it another way … what has been recently influencing these kids?”

Karen knew Maggie well enough to know that when she latched onto a theory, it was usually worthy of further exploration.

“Put like that, you may be on to something. Maybe that’s something we should explore when we next see Maddy … maybe even ask Jessica and Fran about it. It might be grasping at straws, but the answer to unlock their behavior, may also be there.”

When Maggie looked over to the passenger seat, she could see the wheels turning in Karen’s head as she pondered her friend’s words.

“Mags … we can’t just sit here. It’s a no parking zone. Park the car, I’ll wait here … then we’ll continue this in my room.” Seeing Maggie was about to say something, Karen quickly spoke up.

“We’ve still got a few things to tie up tonight … like the Bonds … you promised Jenny you’d get back to her … and what’re we going to do about tomorrow?”

“OKAY! … OUT! … I’ll go park the car and be right back,” Maggie laughed as she capitulated to her friend’s logic.

~o~O~o~

Up in Karen’s room they continued their conversation.

“We definitely need to speak with the Bonds tonight. And we need to figure out how we are going to deal with Maddy as it concerns tonight’s encounter with Gaby, and incorporating everything else that has been uncovered today.”

“Well Karen, here are my thoughts. Let me go through them all, and then you can pick them apart for me.

First, when we meet the Bonds tonight, we relate to them everything we have learned so far. We do that because it all affects Gaby.

Second, we have a session with just the four of them in the morning before we meet with all six of them. In that session we lay it all out for Gaby. I think it’s important to do that, even though I know it is going to cause her a great deal of emotional pain. I think that the only way for her to move forward with her life, and come to terms with al of what has been done to her is complete information.

I also am pretty sure that once she hears all of this she will get very angry. And as much as anger is a negative emotion I think it is necessary for her to let it out in a controlled environment.

I also think it is important that we show her how Em was manipulated by Maddy, and how Em’s naiveté couldn’t let her see what she was doing to her mate.

Third, we bring Maddy and Carol into the room. And we confront Maddy with everything. It’s obvious she did not tell us anywhere near the whole truth the other day. And I think we have Fran, Jessica, Em and Brit in another room where they can be brought in to refute any denials she tries to make.

Assuming we get through to Maddy and her mother, I think they need to meet with Fran to discuss what will happen there. I know that it’s not really our purview, but it may help provide some closure on the whole situation for a number of people.

At that time, I think it might be the right time for you to meet with Em. It’s obvious that she’s transgendered and needs some guidance. And you can certainly get her the pertinent referrals in England, and send a copy of her file home with Fran to pass on to Em’s mother.

After that, well….I think we give Gaby her physical tests to make sure she is okay to ride in her race; have a bit of a wrap up with them, and then you and I go out for a well-deserved dinner and relaxing evening.”

“Well Mags, I think that overall that’s a sound strategy to go with tomorrow. Although you are forgetting that Fran wanted us to sit in on the conference call with the Headmaster in Warsop. That will also likely result in some actions being taken against Maddy. For which there will be some emotional fallout for everyone. So we will likely be needed there for a while. But I think we can do that after the physical tests and before call it a day. The time change is only 5 hours between here and England.

I think young Miss Peters is in for a very uncomfortable day tomorrow. I know that Miss Walters has already been told of her punishment, but I also think it’s important over the next week or so that she see a therapist to talk about what happened and how she feels about the punishment she received. Unless we can help her discover the reasons behind her ‘prankmeister’ behaviour, she is likely to slip back into that behaviour and then we have gained nothing from all of this.

You’re right about Em. I do need to talk to her tomorrow, not only because of her gender issues, but because she may face discipline from that conference call as well. And if she does, I want to at least have had a chance to talk to her and do a basic assessment that I can send back to England.

And I think we are going to be doing a lot of refereeing in the session between the Bonds and the Peters. If Gaby started to let loose earlier this evening, then she’s ready to confront Maddy about her actions. Which is good from the standpoint that she has finally drawn a line in the sand in regards to what she will do to please others and what she won’t do.

If nothing else, it should be exciting.

Other than that I think you have everything covered.

Well, almost everything. I do have one other trick up my sleeve for helping Em. It just so happens that Sandy is one of my patients. I will call her once I can determine a time to see Em, and will ask her to come in and see me an hour before so we can talk about how she is feeling about this. With any luck she will agree to stay so we can talk to Em together. I think it is fairly obvious at this point that Em was manipulated into playing these pranks on Gaby.

Which brings up another point I guess. We’re going to have to discuss this with Gaby and her family as well. I think it is important for Gaby to realize that this harassment was not totally widespread, but orchestrated by a couple of people. That may help her get past what has happened, at least in terms of Em. And perhaps show her that the entire world isn’t against her. That it is only a very few people that act like this.

It is going to shatter a lot of her illusions I’m afraid, but at least she will be able to leave here knowing that it was only a couple of people responsible; and that her friends from home, for the most part, are still her friends.”

“Truly Karen, it’s always sad to see the end of that innocence in any child.

But there is still much good to have come from this. Gaby knows who she truly is; a least two other people have learned or will learn that you can’t do whatever you want to people with no consequences; and a trans woman has self-identified and we have the ability to give her some help as well.

All in all, out of all the heartache and pain, there have been some achievements.”

~o~O~o~

Back at the Bonds’ hotel, things were a little tense to say the least. None of Gaby’s family had ever seen her act like that, and they were both surprised, and if truth be known, a little frightened. Her outburst with Maddy was so unlike her, particularly given that they all knew how she felt about Maddy – or thought they did.

“All right Miss Gabrielle Bond. Would you like to explain that little outburst to your father and I?”

“You heard the comment she made mum! Well, I had finally had enough! She’s been at me the whole trip, dropping insulting little comments, working at winding me up, putting me in places that I could get discovered and lots more!

And since I started talking to Dr. Maggie and Dr. Karen I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. And I’ve been thinking of all the times I ‘mysteriously’ just ‘had’ to become Gaby – the number of times I KNOW I packed Drew clothes when going to a race, only to find that they were either gone or switched to Gaby clothes; the number of times the solvent remover for my breast forms either ‘disappeared’ or ‘the bottle broke’ – like the trip to Paris – and I had to go as Gaby. And the more I thought about it the more I realized that in all those cases Maddy was present.

And after what she did at the Cheer Competition, I was done.

I love her, mum. I love her with all my heart. But it seems that all she wants me for is shits and giggles. To play with like a cat plays with a mouse.

No more!”

“Okay petal, I can understand that. And I can understand why you lost your temper and slapped her. I guess if I had been treated that way I’d be pretty angry with Maddy too.

But what were the comments you directed at your Aunt Carol? Did I miss something?”

“While you were in Germany mum, Aunt Carol took me shopping to get Maddy’s birthday present.”

“Oh yes, I remember her telling me about that. You two found a nice dress for Maddy.”

“Obviously she didn’t tell you the whole story mum, if that’s all you remember.”

“What do you mean Gaby?”

“Well, I’d gotten a bit sick while I was at Maddy’s, so they kept me there for a few days while I got better. Aunty Carol looked after me.

The one day I was really starting to feel better, Aunt Carol asked me if I would go and help her find a present for Maddy. I said yes.

Then I found out she wanted me to go as Gaby.

So she put curlers in my hair and did my hair, got me one of Mad’s tracksuits – a pink one – did my face and off we went. I was really not keen about going.

I told Aunty Carol about it, and she said if I got to where I was feeling uncomfortable we would leave.

Silly me, I took her at her word.

I mean, it was okay at first because we did some grocery shopping and general shopping; but then we went on the hunt for the perfect dress or Maddy and I tried on clothes in store after store. And more than once I had asked her if we were nearly done because I wasn’t really happy being out there as Gaby.

Then we went to this really snooty shop that Mrs. Clements owns and Aunty Carol starts acting like Hyacinth bloody Bucket.

Letting the shop girl refer to me as her daughter and not correcting her, putting on some upper crust voice, and making me feel really uncomfortable.

Four bloody times I tried to leave because I was uncomfortable and she just freaking ignored it. It wasn’t until I walked out of the bloody shop and headed for the train that she actually felt she might’ve crossed the line.

She ‘apologized’ to me on the way home in the car. But it was a halfhearted apology at best.

I mean, there I was, in an upper crust dress shop – a boy – with glued on boobs and a gaff, trying on dresses. Put yourself in my shoes, mum! I was shitting myself! And I told her it was a shitty thing to do. How would she have liked it if Maddy called you mum? Cause it seemed like that’s what she wanted me to do when we were out.”

“Let me get this straight. She got you to dress up as Gaby, took you out shopping for a present for Maddy – and I assume it was because you and Maddy are the same size – to try on dresses. And you went to multiple stores, where on more than one occasion you told her you were uncomfortable and wanted to go.

And she just kept going.”

“That’s pretty much it mum.”

“And, it wasn’t until you walked away, prepared to catch the train to get home to Warsop that she actually took you seriously?”

“Yup.”

Looking at Dave, who could see the ire in her face, Jenny continued.

“No pet, that is definitely not the story she told me. I’m so sorry you had to do that when it made you so uncomfortable.

I know it’s a bit late now Gaby, but having heard what we’ve heard over the past couple of days I can understand why you might think we all wanted to see Gaby more than we did Drew. I hope you know that it wasn’t that at all.

In some respects your dad and I weren’t sure what to think to be honest. You seemed equally comfortable either way sometimes. And yes, there were a few times we forced you into it I know. And for that both your father and I are very, very sorry.

None of us would ever hurt you on purpose pet.”

“I know that now mum. It was just so hard sometimes. It just felt like you were happier with Gaby along. I mean, even in Europe, you never corrected your team mates when there was a chance to. And when the press called me Gaby and a girl, they never got corrected either.”

Gaby was now getting a bit angry again. Things she had kept bottled up were now coming to the surface and beginning to bubble over.

Sod it! They want to know how I feel, then it’s time to let them know. I know I let myself get talked into a lot of stuff, but at least when I was with them they could have honoured my wishes. And Dr. Maggie and Dr. Karen have both said to me I need to talk about this stuff. No time like the present I guess.

“I mean, it really, really hurt. There I am trying to be someone I’m not, and none of you are doing anything to stop it. In fact from my point of view, you were all doing everything you could to encourage it. And every time I tried to say something about it, you all bloody well just brushed it off like it was nothing! It was like Drew, unless he was on a frigging bicycle, should be kept locked away in a closet, until the next race.

Mum, do you realize you NEVER saw Drew race? And now, you never will. I’m really proud of everything I’ve accomplished on a bike, but it just seems like the lot of you would be happier if it had been Gaby doing all those things on the bike, not Drew.

Do you know why it was always Gaby going to the smart affairs with you or Dad, and not Drew? Do you?

It’s because Drew never had any smart clothes that he could wear! All the smart clothes I had were either stuff for Gaby, or were yours and Jules hand-me-downs or just borrowed from you two. Because you would look in my closet, see there was nothing suitable to wear and then it would get decided I would have to be Gaby. Not one of you asked me whether I wanted to or not.

Did it occur to anyone that maybe buying some smart clothes for Drew might have been an option at some point? That maybe Drew wanted to be at some of these events with his family? Not attend them dressed up as Gaby, sitting on the edge of his seat and praying to God that no one discovered it was Drew in a dress?!

Obviously not!

You were in Germany and not likely ever going to be home for more than a day or two; and dad was left holding the bag – trying to earn a living and look after me and Jules – as well as fixing all my bikes and making sure everything was just tickety-boo for racing. He had no time left for doing some of those little things that matter, because he was trying to be both parents at the same time.

Do you have any idea mum, how much it hurt when you just signed a pro contract without even telling us, let alone talking to us about it? I really wondered if you were running away from us then. It was like we were just an old pair of shoes to be put aside when you got tired of them. You left us to live your dream. Like it was ‘Sod you lot, I want to be a cyclist and you’re in my way’. That’s how it felt to me anyways.

And after that I lived for your phone calls, cuz it meant my mum was still out there and still thought of me. And I was really proud of everything you were doing, but I always wished you could have done it either from home or at least closer to home.

And then you call up when you’re actually sick, and instead of telling us the truth, you tell us instead that you’re going to divorce dad and you’ve found a new guy in Germany. And you’d be staying there, and ‘would see us when you could’. That just killed me, watching what that did to dad and Jules. And to me too. I didn’t know what to do or think, so I just put in as many miles on the bike as I could so I didn’t have to think about it.

So that all blows up, we find out you’re sick and you come home to us. And not just sick, but cancer sick. Really bad cancer sick. Like you could die at any time sick.

We’re just starting to get back together as a family, and you sent us away. And not just ‘us’. But you sent Gaby and Jules off – not Drew. You both knew that I would have to be there for the Cheer Team because it was something that I’d agreed to do. And I know I did that just to please a lot of other people – I know that. But I thought I might get some time as Drew here. It didn’t occur to me that if Gaby only showed up for Cheer practice and the Cheer Comp questions would be asked.

But why didn’t either of you think of that?

Jules and I aren’t stupid! We both knew you might die. We didn’t want to accept that or deal with it, but we both knew.

And you sent us away even after we said we wanted to stay.”

Tears were now dripping down Gaby’s face as she talked. Her family could see she had more to say, so they just sat silently, waiting. You could see what Gaby had said so far had affected everyone else very deeply. All of them were just beginning to realize how badly Gaby had been hurt by everything that happened. You could see looks of horror and guilt crossing the faces of Dave and Jenny; and guilt and agreement with Gaby were written all over Jules’ face. It was obvious she felt much the same as Gaby when it came to what Jenny had done.

Oh my God! I thought I knew what effect my signing that contract had been, but I’ve been so wrong. I’ve been an incredibly selfish cow, and I had no idea that they took my being away so badly.

What have I done?!

God I’m just a gigantic fool. And I don’t even know if I can ever make this right with any of them. I was more worried about myself than I was about my family.

And Dave put up with it, as did the kids. And none of them ever said a word. But I have obviously hurt them a great deal.

“I mean, I’ve always known I was different, but up until the other day I never truly knew how. I’d have had to have been a complete plonker not to notice that none of my guy friends were being mistaken for girls. Yet, a lot of the time we would be out as a group I would get mistaken for a girl.

At first I put it down to me and Maddy looking a lot alike. But as time went on, and it happened more and more, it was hard to put it down to just that. Cuz it wasn’t happening to Paul or Clive – or even Rhod for that matter. Just to me. Most of the time I could just ignore it, but sometimes…..

So I just kind of locked it away where I wouldn’t have to think about it.

I dunno if you guys can understand this. I mean, about the not knowing how you’re different. It’s a little like feeling….oh….like feeling out of step with the rest of the world I guess. Like everybody is kind of like one degree removed from you. That no matter what you do, you can’t fit in, because there is something in you that is not the same as everybody else.

And you try everything you can think of to try and fit it. And will do almost anything to make it happen. And once you do start to fit in somewhere, somehow….giving it up …well giving it up is just not an option somehow. So if it meant being at Sports Day as Gaby or it meant being on the Cheer Team, I was willing to do that.

Mum, you and dad having been telling me for some time that I need to stop letting myself get talked into things. I know you’re right, but it’s a really hard thing to do when you’ve spent your life doing whatever it took to try and fit in with your friends. Well, truthfully, doing whatever it took to get those friends in the first place.

And when Maddy became interested in me? Well, I was over the moon. Here was somebody that loved me. Me! The different one…the freak! And she didn’t seem to mind that I was different. I’d have walked over hot coals for her. I’d have hiked through Trafalgar Square starkers for her if she’d asked me!

I don’t know if you can understand what her caring for me really meant to me. God knows I’m not sure I totally understand it myself. All I knew was that she wanted to be MY girlfriend. And that was enough.

For the first time in my life I felt kind of normal. I was just a boy who now had a girlfriend. I wasn’t so different from the rest of my friends. I wasn’t looking in through the window anymore. And it felt good.

And then my body began to change – whether I liked it or not.

Just when Drew was being accepted and loved by everyone around him things began to change.
You and dad were proud of me and what I’d been able to do on my bike; Jules no longer looked at me like some kind of amoeba; and I had a group of friends who liked me, cared about me, and for the first time I had someone who I loved and who I thought loved me.

And as much as I knew I was different somehow, I wasn’t ready to give up everything. It took me so long to get there I just didn’t want the feeling to go away.

So I tried to ignore what was happening to me, and I tried to hide what was happening to my body.”

Gaby’s voice took on a self-mocking tone as she continued.

“Not like that worked very well, did it?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Well, I had a lot of time when I was here. I pretty much was either at the Walters or on a bike, it wasn’t like I was really doing much of anything else.

And as Maddy and Em continued to pull their stupid stunts it made me feel worse and worse. I mean, Rhod was Drew’s best mate and Maddy was his girlfriend. But that didn’t seem to matter to them. The only thing that seemed to matter was the mind games and getting their jollies from making me feel miserable.

And when I lost it after the Cheer Comp – those two had been picking at me all day – I got really confused about who I was or who I was supposed to be. It was like they were messing with both Drew and Gaby at the same time. And if I’m honest it was mostly Maddy at the Cheer Comp. Em was just the person she was bouncing her remarks off of. It could have been any of the gang.

And after we got back to the Walters I just kept thinking about it. I couldn’t get all of the things Maddy had done and said out of my mind.”

Dave and Jenny had tears of their own by this time. To hear their daughter’s stark recitation of what life had been like for her both at home and here in Grottoes saddened and angered them both. Jenny had insisted the kids come to America so they wouldn’t miss out on what she was sure would be a wonderful experience; and Dave had wanted them to come so they wouldn’t be home when Jenny had her surgery, and in case the worst had happened – he didn’t want either of them to be personally confronted by Jenny’s death.

Why did I insist the two of them come here?! This has been absolute hell for Gaby. And although Jules downplays her role, without her Gaby would have fallen apart much sooner. Jules has grown up so much and so fast because of all of this.

I know Dave didn’t want them at home in case something happened to me, and either of them be the one to see it happen or come across me at home if it happened there. And I guess given the prognosis at the time, it was probably wise. But it doesn’t make this any easier to deal with.

To be honest, I guess that was on my mind too.

I have never seen Gaby lose her temper like that though. And that is somewhat concerning too. Although from what she has just been telling us, it was certainly justified, and long since. I just wish we had known that ‘Drew’ was having issues long before now. Poor little poppet – she was just so quiet and went along with everything.

What was it that Maggie said about trans children? Oh yes, they learn very early that they’re different and learn to hide it equally as early.

I wonder if Gaby just going along with everything was her way of trying to fade into the woodwork. To be seen as one of the gang and not be labeled as different.

And whether I truly want to admit it or not, as a teacher I know how children treat others that they perceive as ‘different’. And it certainly is not all sweetness and light.

But I really think we need to let Gaby talk right now. She’s told us more in the last few minutes than I’ve ever heard from her before. Perhaps she now knows, deep down, that she can trust us with her secrets. And trust us not to try and hurt her with them.

“Mum?”

“Sorry pet, lost in thought for a moment there. Please go on.”

“’Kay.

Well, I have to admit, after I woke up and started talking to Dr. Maggie and Dr. Karen I was pretty p.o’ed at Jules for going along with dressing me up. But after Dr. Maggie played…now what did she call it?....oh yes, Devil’s Advocate – she gave me a couple of different reasons Jules might have wanted to see me dressed as a girl. And when I stopped and thought about the reasons she gave and I thought about when it happened, I came to two conclusions.

First thing I figured out is that Jules just wanted to see what having a little sister looked like. Am I right Jules?”

Jules sheepishly nodded her head.

“Second thing was around the costumes for the Cons and the Disco. I finally figured out that Jules was really just looking out for me. She was trying to make me as much of a girl as possible, so no one would recognize me and out me. And I only realized that when I thought about those while thinking about our visit here. Jules has done everything she can here in Grottoes to make sure I didn’t get found out, and it only made sense to me that she was doing the same then.

That about right too, Jules?”

Jules blushed and nodded.

“I had to Gabs. I couldn’t let you go out where somebody might figure things out. It’s why I chose the girliest costume for one of the Cons. Nobody would ever expect a ‘boy’ to either look that good or that feminine – let alone wear a costume like that.

Kinda like hiding in plain sight.

As for here? Well, it’s actually been really nice getting to be your big sister, and teaching you stuff that I know about. And it’s been nice having a little sister.

It’s not that I didn’t like or love Drew. It’s just that sisters just naturally get closer I think. And it’s been really nice seeing Gaby come to complete life. I mean, I know Maddy was doing it for whatever reasons she had; but I always figured that if you were going to go out as Gaby then you had to be as safe as I could help make it.

And yeah, sometimes it was kind of fun to have a life sized Barbie doll. I admit that. But most of all, it was just cool to see what having a little sister would look like and maybe be like.

And now I have a little sister.

But, remember what I said about always looking out for you?”

“Errm, ye-es.”

“Are you ready to hear my opinion on what’s been going on?”

“Ummmm……….I guess so, sis.”

“Maddy has been playing everyone like a virtuoso. She could give Andrew Davis lessons for the final night of the Proms.

Everything she does only has one goal in mind. To get what she wants. And she will do whatever it takes and hurt anyone who she thinks is in her way to get it!

That slag has been using you as her own personal plaything for a bloody long time!

I know you love her Gabs. I know you do. But she has done everything she bloody could to make Drew disappear from the face of the earth. You said you figured out she was doing everything she could to make you be Gaby as often as she could.

And she was playing ‘mind games’ all the time.

Was she just going to stop at changing the outside? Or was she going to try and change the inside you too? Maybe make you want to give up cycling for her? “

“I’d never give up cycling!”

“Well, you told me you didn’t want to be on the Cheer Team, but she got you to do that. And she got you to be Gaby for Sports Day; and I’ll bet she egged you on for the modeling thing for Timber, didn’t she? And she, through Brit, got you here for 6 weeks as Gaby.

Or is she just going to keep pushing you to do the things she wants until you have no time left for biking? Cuz that’s what it looks like from here.

I love you Sis, but you have got to stop letting her and everyone else walk all over you. I know why you do it, but it’s time to stand up for yourself.

I was actually glad when you smacked her tonight!

She’s had it coming for a long time, and I’m glad you finally saw Maddy for what she is.

A manipulative bloody cow!

And mum…dad? I hate to say this but from where I sit, Aunty Carol has been letting her get away with it and in some ways encouraging it for a long time. I know that Gaby and Maddy were kinda hiding things from everybody for a long time, but Aunty Carol has always encouraged Gaby to be around and has been letting Maddy manipulate her too.

Gabs, I guess we all had our reasons for making you appear. And I’m really sorry if I made you feel bad by wanting Gaby to appear when you wanted to be Drew. I really didn’t mean to. You just never seemed to mind and went along with it.

Although I guess I can see now why you always went along with things and were always trying to please everybody else.”

Dave had been pretty much silent up to this point, his face not showing his emotions as he heard his youngest daughter speak.

“Princess, do you mind if I talk about things for a minute here?”

“Of course not dad. Please go ahead.”

“I know there were a lot of times when you suddenly became Gaby after a race or training session. And I know a lot of times I seemed exasperated with you. And I’m sorry that I had no idea what was really going on.

It just sometimes seemed to me that you preferred being Gaby.

I can see now, that it was more likely Maddy making sure you had to be Gaby. Which makes me feel like a bit of a plonker myself for not having caught on. But then since none of us really figured it out until now, she was obviously very good at it.”

Dave stopped for a moment, and sat back, considering his next words.

“And I know that there were a number of times when we made you go out as Gaby. And that was wrong of your mother and I; we weren’t considering how you felt about being Gaby. I guess we were kind of taking the path of least resistance and it obviously wasn’t the right path. Unfortunately princess, parents aren’t infallible either. Sometimes we can be as blind and foolish as anyone else. Sometimes we go with what seems easiest. I know it’s not right, but it is the way it happens sometimes.

And yes, I should have thought of taking Drew out to buy some smart clothes. All I can say is that it just didn’t occur to me very often, and when it did it was either too late to get it done in time or we were at a race or the like.

With just the three of us at home most of the time, there was always so much to do, that I’m afraid that clothes shopping just kind of dropped down on the list of priorities.

I know these all just sound like excuses Gaby, but really they aren’t. I’m just trying to explain what happened. God knows I’m far from perfect, but you have to know I have always given it my best dear.

Sweetheart, if anyone is to blame for you two coming here when your mum was so sick, it’s me. If I’m being really honest, I didn’t want you two to be at home if the worst had happened.

If that had happened I wanted you two to have happy memories of your mum, not bad ones.”

Dave’s mind flitted back to when Jenny had come home, and the conversations they had had. How they had discussed Jenny’s illness and what would happen if she died. How it would be handled with the children, and what they could do to minimize the emotional impact on them.

A look of sorrow crossed his face as he recalled the conversation about the trip to the US.

“Sad to say, we even discussed the likelihood of Drew having to be Gaby the whole time he was here. Gaby was right – we did see the inherent problem of Gaby only showing up for Cheer practices and competitions and Drew being there the rest of the time. And yet somehow we decided that being Gaby would be better than being at home if Jenny died.

Obviously that was a mistake!

Dave drew himself back into the here and now and looked at Gaby.

“And yes, the thought that you might have to be Gaby the whole trip did cross our minds. And somehow, for whatever reason, we thought that would be better than being at home.

We were wrong Gaby.

No excuses pet. We messed up. And I think that if we could take back that decision we probably would. At the very least we would have sat down and explained all the issues we saw.

But at the time we thought it better than perhaps seeing your mum die.

And we thought that because you never seemed to mind being Gaby and you just went along with the flow. I think both your mum and I can see that that wasn’t the case. I think all of us can now see who was orchestrating the appearances of Gaby on a regular basis.

As for why she did what she did, we will have to try and find that out.”

“Dad, I get that. It made me so mad because it felt that you guys didn’t really care if Drew existed or not! And I tried so hard…….”

“We know that now Gaby. And I know you are probably extremely disappointed with all of us, and probably pretty mad too. If I were in your shoes, I think I would be.

But unfortunately, we don’t get to turn back the clock and have a ‘do-over’. I think your mum and Jules and I would dearly love to be able to have that, but it’s just not possible. All we can do is deal with what is in front of us today and decide how we move forward from here.

But I have a question for you pet.”

“What’s that Dad?”

“We-ell, it’s like this. Do you think that even without all of this happening, that this – and by this I mean you accepting and being Gaby – would have eventually happened anyways?”

Gaby cocked her head and opened her mouth to reply, and then stopped. And then sat back in deep concentration for a minute or two.

“Eermmm….good question Dad. I really hadn’t thought about that at all. Let me think for a minute.”

“Take your time Gaby. We have all the time that you need.”

Gaby sat back again, deep in thought.

“Geeze, I never really thought about that!

I was trying so hard to be Drew all the time, and that took all of my energy. I know for sure now that this is who I am. And who I always should have been.

Why does this p.o me so much that Mum never saw Drew race?

Didn’t I tell Maddy ‘Is Drew not Gaby, and Gaby not Drew?’ at the Cheer Comp?

Would I have gotten to being Gaby even without all of this happening?

If Dr. Maggie and Dr. Karen are right, then it would have come out before too much longer that I was really a girl. And I’d have likely ended up in hospital while they tried to figure out what was ‘wrong’ with me.

Then everyone and their bleeding dog would have looked at me like some type of freak. The whole bloody school and town would have known what was going on.

So, on the one hand yes, I would have gotten here sooner or later, more likely sooner if Dr. Maggie is right.

But would I have ever come out and said ‘I am Gaby’ if I didn’t have to?

Whoo-eee! That’s a tough one!

Well if Maddy had her way Drew would have completely disappeared! It might have taken more time, but if I’m being honest, I know I’d have probably done what she asked.

Which would have meant that ‘Drew’ would have been more established in everybody’s minds. And the longer time it took, the worse the outing would have been.

Geeze, I really don’t know!

But I do know it would have been worse to become Gaby later, and at home. Or at Maddy’s insistence. Well, way more public anyways. Which would suck!

But now that I look at Maddy was doing here and at home, and what Brit was doing here; it makes me want to puke!

It’s like the two of them wanted to out me in public just for some sick laughs! And while it might not have been so bad at home, I have seen how they treat people who are different here.

I mean I could have gotten beaten to a pulp!

So what is their fucking problem?!

Gaby’s family could see a variety of emotions crossing her face as she thought about things. Knowing she was puzzling things out, they waited quietly. More than just the question her Dad had asked was flitting through her mind. But everything that happened weighed on what her dad had asked her.

I mean Mad really seems to take some kind of sick pleasure in winding me up, and putting me in situations where if I say a frigging word, I will out myself. And she is so sure I will keep coming back to her, no matter what she does! Well, I always have in the past, so I guess she has a reason to think that.

Did she see the girl in me somehow? Does it matter if she did or not? She says she loves me one minute, and then next is making fun of me or pushing me away.

No matter. You don’t treat someone you say you love like she has treated me. I have never treated her like that, and have always shown her how much I love her.

It’s like I’m some sort of play toy to her – to be taken out when she wants to have some fun and then tossed aside when it bloody suits her!

NO MORE!

As much as I love her, if I keep going on like this, she’ll figure she can do what she wants and get away with it.

I am NOT a toy! I am NOT going to let her mess with me OR my family and friends anymore! We are done!

And Brit?! Oh that girl is going to get a piece of my mind! Deb was such a good host to Jules, but Brit couldn’t have cared less if I was here or not. Except when it suited her. And I think she only introduced me to Erin ‘cuz she felt guilty.

And I can see now that the two of them had this whole thing planned out.

So if I’d stayed home and none of this had happened……and things had gone on like ‘normal’ at home, would I still have become Gaby? And would I have ever seen through what Maddy was doing?

Yeah, I guess I would have ended up here. But a lot more people would have known and it might have been a whole lot messier.

“Sorry Dad – Mum – Jules. I was thinking about it all. You know, what’s happened here; what would have happened if I hadn’t come here or had come as Drew…..all that stuff”

“It’s okay, Gaby” intoned her mother “It’s a lot to take in and think about.”

“To answer your question Dad, yes I would have ended up here. And a couple of the ways that could have happened would have been much more public and probably would have hurt all of us a whole lot more.

I mean, even if you take away the icky medical parts, I would have still ended up here. Exactly when I couldn’t tell you, but yes I would.

And I guess part of the reason I know that is that like I said before, I’d have had to have been a complete plonker not to see what was going on being ‘mistaken’ for a girl so often. And I don’t think I could have ignored what was happening to my body that much longer.

But I’m still trying to figure out why it disappoints me so much that Mum never got to see Drew race, and why it hurts that none of you guys ever tried to correct people when I was seen as Gaby when I was trying to be Drew.

I mean, I get it that now it actually is better and there’ll be less explanations required to a lot of people. But I have to say it really pee’d me off that it always seemed you guys were happier when Gaby was around.”

Jenny then piped up.

“Petal, could I give it a shot of answering that, since I’m the one that never corrected anyone. And I was probably the worst at doing it?”

“Umm….okay mum.”

“Well, first I have to tell you I’m very sorry that I ever made you feel not wanted or loved by me. Actually I need to apologize to all of you.”

Jenny looked around the room, purposefully making eye contact with all three of her family members.

“I never realized exactly what my signing the contract with Apollonaris meant to all of you and how it affected you. I have to admit I was only thinking of the fact that I could cycle again professionally. It was very selfish of me to not even discuss it with all of you and see how you felt about it.

I guess I just took for granted the love of my family and assumed you would be fine with whatever I wanted to do.

I will never make that mistake again!

Now, on to Drew and Gaby. I have always been proud of you whether you were Drew or Gaby. It didn’t hit me until we got here that I had never seen you race. And it shames me that I never did.”

Gaby started to say something, but Jenny held up her hand.

“Gaby, I need to get through this. Let me finish and then I will happily listen to what all of you have to say.”

Gaby slowly nodded her assent, and Jenny continued.

“I can recall thinking more than once, when you or your dad called me to tell me about one of your races that ‘I guess genes will tell’. Very selfish thought, but it is what it is.

Now you know Mr. Woods never told me exactly what the modeling entailed and you now know that Aunt Carol wasn’t honest about the shopping trip either. And all of us now know how Maddy was manipulating situations to make sure Gaby appeared.

So when you showed up in Paris as Gaby, and there was no way to make you look like Drew just then, I made the decision not to correct anyone. Again, for probably what are very selfish reasons…..part of me knew I should have corrected people or not made you get up on stage with me; but there was part of me that was chuffed to have people see that my ‘daughter’ was following in my footsteps.. There was also part of me that was afraid what the reaction would be if I made the correction to the press and they ran with it.

It would have hurt you terribly and if I’m being 100 percent honest I was afraid what it might do to my career.

I’m not proud of that Gaby. Far from it.

But I guess the other side of it was that you showed up so often as Gaby, and your father and I discussed this many times, that it seemed you were exploring another side of who you are. And you seemed happier and more at peace somehow. And both your father and I didn’t want to make you ashamed of whom you were, although I can see now that we did anyways, just in a different way. We made you ashamed of being Drew.

And that was very wrong of us. And you have every right to feel angry and disappointed with us.

We should have sat down with you and asked you about Gaby and not simply blithely assumed we knew what was going on.”

At this Dave nodded his head in agreement.

“Unfortunately, my little love, there is no handbook for being a parent. Like your dad said, we did our best, given what we knew at the time.

Well, that’s not entirely true. Your old dad – he did the best he could. Me, I messed up by the numbers.”

Tears were now slowly dripping down Jen’s face.

“I didn’t trust myself and my relationship with all of you enough. I wasn’t there for you – any of you – when you needed me most. And then I hurt you all again when I got sick, by not trusting you enough to tell you the truth and trust in the love of my family to get through all of it.

I understand why you are really ticked off with all of us, and I guess if I were in your shoes I would feel the same way. I’d be right pissed if every time I saw my mum I had to be someone I’m not, just to make life ‘easier’ and never get to be me with the people I love the most.

All I can say is I’m sorry. And I promise I will try to not let things like that happen again. I can’t change yesterday Gaby, but I can sure try to be better tomorrow, and every tomorrow after that.”

Gaby got up from where she was sitting and threw herself into her mother’s arms, hugging her as tightly as she could.

“I know mum, I know. It just hurt so much.” She whispered through her own tears.

Jenny wrapped her arms around her daughter and Dave and Jules came over and joined in the family hug.

In an odd way all of their troubles, both at home and here in Grottoes had brought their family closer together and had given them all an increased understanding of each other’s needs. Granted parents would always remain somewhat of a mystery to kids until they became parents themselves, but that’s a whole different issue and a different story.

As they broke their hug, and everyone got up Jenny looked at her watch.

“Right then girls, its bedtime. You two get ready for bed. Your dad and I are going to find a cuppa. Gaby, you have a bunch of tests tomorrow, and we all have a session or two with the doctors. So, get a wiggle on.”

Two “Yes Mum” s were heard as the girls headed for the bathroom.

Hooking her arm in her husband’s, Jenny gently dragged Dave to the door.

“Let’s go get that cuppa hon” could be heard as they left the room.