Chapter 6

Maggie turned to Karen. “Would you like to wait until Drew wakes up and talk to him a bit this evening, or would you like to wait until tomorrow? I'm going to go in and sit with him until he wakes – he's met me before, and I already knew his secret, so he should feel safe with me.”

“Well Maggie, I am getting a bit tired and I'd like to spend some time consolidating all my notes from today and organizing my thoughts before I meet Drew. I booked a room over at the Courtyard on Evelyn Bird Avenue. I can be reached over there if you need me, but otherwise I'll meet you here at about 8:00 so we can compare notes before seeing Drew together. I think we have a lot more going on than we have found out so far. And with any luck, the remaining blood tests you ordered should be back by then as well.”

“Okay Karen, I'll meet you in my office at 8:00. Have a good night, and thanks again for coming on such short notice.”

“Oh, it was my pleasure Maggie. With a case like this…….it's the kind of challenge that seldom comes around. And it's an opportunity to make a difference. What more can a doctor ask for?”

“Truly. And in this case we may well get to help more than just Drew. Well, I'll see you in the morning.” With that Maggie went into Drew's room.

Maggie checked over Drew's chart, noting that everything was looking good with his vital signs. Looking over at him, she saw him begin to stir. “Won't be too long now” she thought. Maggie leaned back in her chair and began going over some of her notes. The MRI was certainly a telling factor. She hadn't anticipated the results that came back; really she had only done it to rule out certain things. If the karyotyping came back as she now thought it might, Drew was going to need a lot of help coping.

Just then she heard a little moan come from Drew. She looked over and saw Drew stretching and coming back to full consciousness. “Ah well, now let's see if Drew is coherent enough to talk” she thought.

Drew sat up and looked around. He was definitely not at the Walter's house. The last thing he remembered was going back to bed thinking about Gaby and what was happening to him. It looked like a hospital room – he wondered what had happened. Turning further, he spotted Dr. Maggie.

“Dr. Maggie. Am I in the hospital? What happened? Is Jules okay? Why am I here?”

“Take it easy Drew, everyone is alright. Umm…you had a bit of a breakdown I'm afraid. Juliette found you rocking back and forth on your bed asking yourself over and over ‘Who is Drew? Who is Gaby? Who am I?’ She couldn't wake you or get through to you, so they brought you to the hospital, and by the luck of the draw you got me.” Maggie was trying to keep this somewhat light while she assessed Drew's present mental state. She would be truthful with him, but wouldn't get into anything serious tonight.

“I remember thinking about being Gaby so much, and I'm very confused by it all Dr. Maggie. I mean, sometimes I think everyone wants Gaby and not Drew – and I just want to be me.” Tears started to roll down Drew's cheeks as he spoke – the thought that ‘he' was not wanted was very distressing to him.

“Drew. It's okay. Everything will work out as it should. I talked to your mum and dad today, and your mum is finding out if she is cleared to travel or not. If she is, they will be flying over, and we can all sit down and find a solution to everything.”

“Now please Drew, try not to worry too much. Jules will certainly be glad to know that you're awake – she was here all day with you. I just sent her home to get some sleep a little while ago.”

Upon hearing that his mum and dad were trying to come to his side, Drew sagged in relief. He wanted a hug from them and some reassurance that they still loved him.

“Dr. Maggie, I'm sorry for having been so much trouble.”

“Now Drew, it's been no trouble at all – don't worry about it. If you like, now that you're awake and talking, I'll phone the Walters' to let them know you’re feeling better. They stayed most of the day, and I sent them home not long ago as well.”

“Oh yes, please, Dr. Maggie. How long am I going to be here? I have a race this weekend, and I don't want to let the team down.”

Maggie chuckled. Just like what she'd heard throughout the interviews today, Drew was anxious to get back on his bike. And also was worried about not pleasing people.

“Well Drew, we'll see. I have a doctor friend of mine who wants to come and have a chat with you, and I want to run some tests to make sure nothing is physically wrong. We want to make sure you're well. But I think you may be able to make the race.”

Hearing Dr. Maggie say he would be able to race made Drew feel very good. He loved being on his bike – it was the one place where who he was didn't matter. Where what he did on the bike was all that mattered. There was no Drew, no Gaby – there was simply the bike and the race. A time of being in the zone where he could be free of the mundane and everyday world. And where he didn't have to think about his body changes and how others perceived him. It was the best place on Earth as far as he was concerned.

“Okay Dr. Maggie that would be brill.”

“Are you tired still Drew, or would you like something to eat? I know you haven't eaten today, and if you feel up to it, you should have something. I have to say it may not be much – some tea and toast if you like.”

Drew's stomach growled in response.

“I'll take that as a yes then, Drew. Hang on a minute while I go and talk to one of the nurses.” Maggie was chuckling as she went out to the nurse's station and gave orders to have a light meal sent up right away. While she was there she called Karen.

“Well Karen, he's awake and seems lucid at this point. Although he is concerned about whether his family and friends want Drew or Gaby, and of course he was asking how quickly he can get back on his bike. There is apparently a race this weekend he is supposed to compete in. Now from what I know, he is supposed to compete as Gaby, so we'll have to decide where to go with that in the next couple of days.”

“That's good news Maggie. I wasn't sure if he'd be responsive when he woke up or not. Well, we can go over things in the morning with his parents and then have a talk with him and see what we can find out what he feels about Gaby versus Drew and where we go from here. I'm going to call it a night then, and I'll see you in the morning. 8:00 am, in your office?”

“Right Karen. I'll see you then” Maggie hung up the phone and headed back to Drew's room.

“Well Drew, I've ordered up a light meal for you, and it should be here soon. In the meantime, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Umm…no, I guess not, Dr. Maggie”

“Not to worry Drew, I just want to ask you a few general health questions. And then after you have a bite to eat, I'd like you to try and get some more sleep. I'll bet you have run yourself down worrying about all of this, haven't you?”

“Well, Dr. Maggie, I do feel tired still. I feel like I could sleep for weeks, actually” Drew admitted.

“Right then – well, can you tell me when you started noticing the physical changes that are happening to you?”

“Well, it seems to have only started within the last few months. Dad took me to the doctor at home after I had fainted a few times after rides. That was kind of when we started to notice things. And that was when he put me on those iron pills.” Drew started to blush. “It was a while later, when a couple of people mentioned that was what they gave young girls when … ermmm … well you know Dr. Maggie.”

“Yes, Drew – I know. It's okay, really. They give people iron supplements all the time and not just young girls in puberty. Iron deficiencies can happen to anyone and at any age.”

Hearing that made Drew feel better somehow. He wasn't sure what was happening to him, but he was glad he wasn't alone in taking iron pills.

“Doctor Maggie, do you know what's happening to me, and why? I mean, well ……. Am I going to develop properly? And, why does everyone mistake me for a girl?”

“Well Drew, we hope to discover what's going on over the next few days. I am going to have a bunch of tests run, like I told you; and I hope they will answer some of those questions for you.”

“But I see your supper, such as it is, has arrived. Why don't you eat and I'll come back in a while and check on you.”

“All right, Dr. Maggie. I'll see you in a little while.”

Maggie got up as the nurse was putting the tray down for Drew, and headed out of the room. She went over to the nursing station and asked for Drew's chart. She wrote up a few notes, and then said to the nurse “When Drew is done eating, let me know and I'll come up and check on him a few minutes after that. I suspect he may go to sleep right away, but if not, I will prescribe a mild sedative for him. In the meantime, I'm going to go and get a cup of coffee myself.”

“Very well, doctor” replied the nurse. Handing the chart back to the nurse, Maggie then headed to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee.

As Maggie sat drinking her coffee she started considering everything they had learned so far that day. First and foremost was the fact that Drew was a very resilient child. Maggie knew adults that couldn't deal with an identity crisis as well as Drew had so far. Yes, he'd had a breakdown, but given all the stresses in his life right now, that wasn't altogether surprising. But it was very interesting that one way or the other, Drew just wanted to be Drew. He differentiated between Drew and Gaby. So was Gaby just a persona for him or was Gaby truly a part of him? He seemed to slip into ‘Gaby' mode so easily and so completely, but just the way he answered her this evening made Maggie think that he was fine as is – in his own mind. That it was the interference of others pressing him to be ‘Gaby' that bothered him.

“I wonder if he would dress en femme on his own or not. And if so, would it just be another side of Drew? And how will Maddy's self-discovery affect Drew? That one will certainly have to be handled carefully. He is so eager to please and so apologetic for what he perceives to be a mistake on his part………this could hit him rather hard”

Maggie wondered what they were going to do about the apparent uterine and ovarian structures and the possibility of an intersex condition. Damn! She'd forgotten to order the androgen receptor study. They needed to find out if Drew was Androgen Insensitive as well. Because that would also be an indicator of potential treatments. They were going to need a full scale MRI of the abdominal region that was for certain. Every answer they got just asked more difficult questions.

As she got up and headed for Drew's room to check on him she was struck by the fact that in all of their interviews, Drew and Gaby seemed to have struck a chord with everyone. That in either instance, it was Drew's personality (which was of course the basis for Gaby's) that made the transition to female a non-issue. Like he was in absolute balance between his Yin and Yan. Maggie had never met anyone quite like him, and she suspected that Karen would shortly come to the same conclusion.

Maggie was remembering a class she had taken in native studies, way back in university – and was recalling what she had read about what the natives called the ‘two-spirited'. Drew, being in balance, would likely be training as a shaman at this point in his life if he were native. And his essence would be revered within the tribe as a gift from the Great Spirit. Today however, in western European based civilizations; that balanced and caring nature was more likely to get him reviled and make him a social pariah. What a difference the cultural grounding makes thought Maggie.

Stopping at the nursing station on her way by, Maggie asked if Drew had finished dinner.

“Yes doctor, he finished and promptly went back to sleep. He looks like a little angel when he's asleep – not a care in the world” replied the nurse.

“Thanks Piper. He does look rather ‘otherworldly' when he's asleep doesn't he? I wish we could bottle that. Oh, and give me another blood work order – we want to start an androgen receptor study. We could also be dealing with Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome.”

Maggie quietly peeked in on Drew, so she wouldn't disturb him, and saw that he was in a deep, natural sleep. “Well lad” she thought “tomorrow will be a busy and exhausting day for all of us. And I hope you're as resilient as I think you are, because we have a lot to talk about and a lot of decisions to make.” And with that, Maggie exited the room, let the nurses know she was going home for the night, and headed out.

Back at the hotel Jenny and Dave and Jules were settling into their hotel room. On the way back from dinner, they had stopped at Brit and Deb's to pick up clothes for Jules and to assure the Walters' that from what they could tell at that time, Drew was doing as well as could be expected, and they would let the Walters' know as things progressed.

“Jules, why don't you crawl into to bed and try and get some sleep? I know you're exhausted” said Jenny. “Your dad and I are going to go down and try and find a cuppa, and chat for a while. And don't worry we'll fill you in on everything as we find out too.”

“Alright mum – I am rather tired.” Jules admitted. She then came over and gave her mum a hug. “We've missed you bunches mum, and I'm so glad you're feeling well enough to travel. I didn't know what I was going to do when we took Drew to the hospital.”

“SShhh, pet, it's all right. We're here now. And we'll work this all out as a family” Jenny reassured her, as she stroked her daughter's hair. Jenny thought about how Jules had handled herself through this crisis with Drew and looked her in the eye. “You know how proud your Dad and I are of you Jules? You handled this like an adult, and we are so proud of you, and so glad you were here to help Drew.”

“Now, off to bed. Your dad's gone down to the restaurant to find us a table and a cup of tea. And I'm going to go down and join him now.”

Jenny gave Jules a kiss, and headed out of the room and down to the restaurant. Passing by Carol and Maddy's room, Jenny wondered how they were doing. They didn't really have a chance to talk at dinner, and the two of them needed the time together to come to grips with what was going on in their own world, let alone with Drew.

Dave and Jenny sat at the table, both of them unsure where to start. For a few moments, they simply sat, deep in thought, drinking their tea. Dave was the first one to speak.

“Jen, what do you think about what Dr. Maggie said? What if Drew is intersex or androgen insensitive? He's very touchy about his identity as it is. This could certainly send him for a loop.”

“Well yes, it certainly could. But have you noticed how naturally he seems to act and relate when he's Gaby? I sometimes wonder if that's a coping mechanism for what's happening to him. But I have to admit, what is really bothering me right now is how we haven't supported Drew being Drew. How many times have we encouraged or insisted upon Gaby because it was easier for us? I have to say I will be very interested to hear Drew's take on all of that tomorrow. I somehow don't think we're going to come off particularly well in it all. I started all of this mess, and even then he didn't want to do it. And I insisted. And then made him go out like that. I just don't know Dave, I feel so guilty.”

“I know luv, and so do I. I've done it equally as much. At races, when we're out, Paris……the list goes on. And I've thought a lot about it. And I wonder if it is a subconscious response to what we perceive in Drew? I know that's not fair, because he has no control in how his body is developing, but maybe we are all feeding off of the physical cues that Drew's body is telling us. But I know it's not good enough either. All the rationalizations in the world mean nothing if our child is not happy and healthy. And right now, he obviously needs some help.”

“But I have to tell you Jen, I am really incensed at the school for allowing this and in fact promoting it for their own personal agendas. I think we need to talk to our solicitor when we get home and take some action against the school. I know you have worked with all of these people, but this is Drew we're talking about. And while Carol and Maddy have a bunch of things to work out, I am none too happy with Maddy at the moment either. She seems to have been a prime instigator in this, and Drew's ‘girlfriend' or not, I think she's harming our child. Although God knows how Drew is going to react to all the revelations. This is going to be a tough haul, my love.”

“Yes, oh wonderful husband of mine, it is. I know that last few months have been a terrible strain on our family, and I am a big cause of them…….but we need to be strong for Drew, and not forget about Jules in all of this either. And in case I haven't told you lately, I still marvel at how strong you have been through all of this, and how you keep looking out for all of us.”

“But, I think it is time we went up to bed. Morning will come very early, and Dr. Maggie wants to get an early start tomorrow, so we'd better be there bright and shiny.”

“Right luv, let's go.”

And with that, Dave and Jen headed off to bed, feeling better that at least they had gotten some of their feelings out in the open, and that no matter what, they would handle this as a family.

It was 6:00 am and Maggie's clock radio came on to the sounds of Richard Marx's “Right Here Waiting for You”. Stifling a yawn, Maggie rose to greet the day. And today would be an interesting one. Drew's basic karyotyping should be back, which they would discuss with Mr. and Mrs. Bond before the meeting with Drew. And that would truly predicate a lot of what their approach today would be. Heading for the shower, she tried to think of when she'd had a case that could have so many profound implications for a child as young as Drew. No child should have this big a plate of things to deal with. But then, life wasn't fair at the best of times either.

6:45 am and Maggie was on her way to the hospital, stopping only for a triple shot mocha at Starbucks before going in. She was tired and the extra caffeine would help as the day went on. Besides, there was something sinfully good about starting the day with chocolate. As she walked in to the hospital, she saw Karen coming in as well. “Good” she thought “We can go and get the bloodwork results and start figuring out how we're going to deal with things”.

“Morning Karen – ready for an interesting day? The bloodwork should be back now and we can start planning the day.”

“Always ready Maggie. A challenge and an opportunity like this to help someone so profoundly doesn't come around that often.”

“Well then, let's be about it, shall we?” And together they headed for Maggie's office.

After looking over all of the physical results they had received so far, as well as all the interviews from the prior day, the two doctors sat back for a few moments to discuss things before the Bonds arrived.

“Well Karen, this is turning into quite the case. This child has more issues to deal with than I'd ever originally thought. When you consider the genetic anomalies in this case, it's not surprising the lad has issues. And it looks like my guess as to the cause was right. 46 XX intersexed. What they used to call female pseudohermaphroditism. He's been raised as a male, and apparently identifies as male. I'm going to have Cindy Winters run another MRI as well as a CT scan focusing on the abdominal region, and get a better handle on the structures she detected yesterday. If we're lucky they will be inactive still, because if they go active, we're going to have an immediate surgical issue, and that may be too much for Drew to handle emotionally right away.”

“I know Maggie. This puts a whole new tenor on things, and a certain urgency as well. We need to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Bond first, and then we need to have that interview with Drew. We need to start finding out if Drew can handle the news that he's really a girl, at least genetically. And then of course we are getting into areas that require very careful handling. Since he has been raised and socialized a male, will he even want to discuss embracing his physical female self? Will he wish to remain male and therefore need to go through the female to male transsexual process? And depending on how the androgen receptor studies come back, would we even be able to offer that as an option? If Drew also turns out to be Androgen Insensitive, then we can't even offer him that.”

“I have to admit that I've never had a case with this many variables or possible outcomes Maggie. Plus add in the fact that he's a minor, so the parents may ask us not to even discuss it with him; and he's from another country.”

“Yes Karen, the parents are the first issue we have to deal with. And they should be here in the next half hour or so. So, let's get our notes together and figure out how we are going to present it to them.”

Dave, Jenny, and Jules entered the hospital shortly before 8:00. Jenny looked over at Jules and remarked to her that she should go and keep Drew company, as they had a meeting with Dr. Maggie first. And to not let on to Drew that they were already here. With that, Jules headed up to Drew's room and Dave and Jenny headed for the office.

“So Dave, any thoughts on today before we see the doctors?”

“Only that I think we may learn more about Drew today than we have ever done in the past dear. I'm not sure, but I think Drew may come to realize some truths about himself as well. In a funny sort of way, this may have been the best thing that could have happened to him. We're all going to find out about his physical condition, there is a psychiatrist here that wants to help him and make the pertinent referrals in England, and we can move forward from here.”

“Strewth, you have been giving this a lot of thought, haven't you? But, it's not anything I haven't been thinking about too, luv. We are all finally going to get some answers.”

Stopping at the desk, they told the receptionist that they had an appointment to see Dr. Maggie MacArthur. A couple of minutes later, Maggie rounded the corner. “Ah, Jenny and Dave – good morning. If you'd like to follow me back to my office, we can get started. Karen is waiting for us, and I'd like to get to the interviews with Drew as soon as we can.”

Once ensconced in comfortable chairs around the table in Maggie's office, Maggie opened the meeting.

“Well, first thing let me tell you that Drew did wake up last night, and he was lucid and coherent.”

Dave and Jenny let out sighs of relief. “Well, that's good news. And let me guess, he asked how soon he could be back on his bike” quipped Jenny, stifling a nervous laugh.

“Actually Jenny, he did ask that. Something about a big race this weekend. But from what everyone, including yourselves, had told me I wasn't overly surprised.”

“Now, though, we need to move on to the test results that I have gotten back so far. I got the basic genetic karyotyping back this morning. And I'm afraid there is no easy way to say this. It is in fact what I had suspected. Drew is actually 46 XX – standard genetic female. And that we obviously have a very large issue on our plates to deal with right away. I will need to order further tests in regards to the uterine and ovarian status.”

Dave and Jenny were absolutely stunned. They had been told about the possibility the previous night, but it wasn't one they had seriously considered. Drew was a boy after all. He had all the correct parts and acted mostly like any lad his age.

“Ummm…..so you're saying Drew is really a girl?” squeaked Jenny.

“What I'm saying Jenny, is that Drew is genetically female. Whether or not Drew's core being matches up with the genetics is something we are going to have to discover. And that will largely be the job of Dr. Page. But there are some issues we need to discuss right now regarding that. What if anything are we going to tell Drew? What if Drew's ‘core essence' if you will, is male? What is going to happen Vis a Vis physical development, if the underdeveloped female reproductive structures become active? And realistically, we can't let a child entering puberty be hormone-less. We are going to need to make some decisions there as well. And part of that will depend on the androgen receptor study I ordered. If Drew is also androgen insensitive, then we have another host of issues to deal with; because we will not be able to give him testosterone if that's the case. And Drew's choices become extremely limited.”

“Oh my” uttered Dave “This is so far out of the realm of what we thought the possibilities were…….”

“Jen, what do you think?”

Jenny was sitting in her chair, ashen faced. Drew was really a girl? Was this a nightmare or a dream come true? What had she done to cause this to happen? How would Drew take the news? Should they tell him? Or was that her? Would Drew ever be able to have a normal life? Could Drew (or Gaby) still cycle? And what about Maddy and all of Drew's friends?

Giving her head a shake, Jenny apologized for being off in space. “I was just thinking about all of the things that could happen, and will have to happen, and trying to figure out if there was something I could have done to prevent this…”

At this point, Maggie interjected. “Jenny, there is no blame to be had or recriminations to be made. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this, and it is often at puberty that many of these types of intersex issues are detected. It isn't until there should be development and there isn't, or it's the ‘wrong' type, that we begin investigating. The important thing is coming up with a plan to deal with all of it.”

Karen now spoke up. “This is where it begins to get difficult Mr. and Mrs. Bond. The decision of how much to tell the child. Whether they can psychologically handle the news. And where they fit in on the gender spectrum. And before we can deal with all of the various psychological impacts and arrange referrals for Drew at home, we have to discuss this first.”

“And we need to know how you feel about this news.”

Dave and Jenny were sitting there, looking like someone had whacked them with a 2 x 4. Drew was genetically female! What did that mean for Drew's future, and for that matter, what did it mean for the family? Could Drew even deal with all this, or would it send her into another collapse?

Jenny spoke up. “Drew is my child, my baby, and it doesn't matter a whit what sex he or she is. I love my children and want what is best for them, no matter what. If it's best for Drew to be female – fine. If it's best for Drew to be male – also fine. But I am worried about how she will take this news. Could it send her back into a collapse?”

“I feel the same as Jen does, doctors. It doesn't matter what sex our children are, just that they are healthy and safe. And I worry about the impact of this news on Drew as well.”

Maggie and Karen exchanged a significant look. Both of them had noted Jenny's shift in her pronouns when talking about Drew.

Karen responded to the question. “Well, I won't sugar coat this for either of you. Yes, it could trigger a relapse. But it may also help Drew sort out things that he may have already been thinking about, but hasn't discussed with anyone. My opinion right now is we go ahead with the interview as discussed and we don't even mention this to Drew yet. We need to get a clear understanding of what Drew is thinking before we broach this subject. Once we have interviewed him, and have a better understanding, then the four of us can discuss when, how or even if we will tell Drew.”

“That sounds quite reasonable, Karen. I think you are right in not telling Drew until at least you have had a chance to talk to him and we can discuss it. If you want to show Dave and I where to go, you and Maggie can get started with that, and we'll take it from there.”

With a consensus reached, the four adults left Maggie's office and headed towards Drew's room. As they got closer to Drew's room, Maggie stopped the procession in front of a door. “This is the viewing room for Drew's room. It allows us to observe a patient unbeknownst to them. Very useful at times. Let's go in here first.”

As they entered the room, Maggie pointed out a few things. “To start with I will turn on the speakers in here and activate the microphones in the room. And if you don't mind Dave and Jenny, I'd also like to activate the video camera that you see here. That way Karen and I can review the tapes later to make sure we haven't missed something.”

“We understand, Dr. Macarthur, please go ahead.” replied Jenny.

“Very well, with everything on we can go and get started. There will be times when I'm sure this will be very emotional for Drew, but please bear with us. We are only trying to help Drew.”

And with that Maggie and Karen left for Drew's room.

Walking into the room, Maggie could see the children quietly chatting with each other.

“Good morning, Drew. Good morning Juliette. How are you both this morning?”

“Morning Dr. Maggie. Well, I'm hungry and I think Jules is too. And I'd like to go back to the Walters and go for a ride. But other than that……”

“Well breakfast should be here shortly Drew, and you can eat while we chat. Jules, if you'd like, you can go down to the cafeteria for a bit of breakfast and join us later.”

“All right” Jules replied, “I'll go for a bite, and then be back in a while. Can I phone Mrs. W. and let her know that Drew is awake? They were terribly worried.”

“Certainly Jules. And if you want to tell Drew's friends that he's up and around that's okay too.”

Drew looked at his sister, and squeezing her hand said “Thanks Jules. Phone Maddy too would you?”

“Of course Drew. See you later.”

“So Dr. Maggie, am I going to get my head shrunk today?” Drew asked with a nervous laugh.

“Well Drew, that depends. Know any Headhunters?” Maggie quipped back. “Actually today we're just going to talk. You and I and a friend of mine, Dr. Karen Page. And yes, she's a shrink – just don't tell her I said that, they’re kind of sensitive about it.”

Drew stifled a little giggle. Maggie's humour had struck just the right note and Drew was more relaxed about the whole thing. Her body language became less tense and stilted, and she snuggled down in her bed a bit more to relax. “I heard that Maggie” stated Karen as she walked into the room. She had been listening and waiting for the right moment to enter.

“Just because you saw me reading a book on Voodoo in 4th year doesn't mean I shrink heads. Hello Drew, I'm Karen. Maggie and I have known each other since med school, and she asked me if I could come and talk with you and her. And between you and me, I think she calls me ‘shrink' to get even for the rubber scalpel I slipped her during anatomy class.”

Drew started to giggle. She liked both of these doctors.

In the other room, Dave and Jenny could see the doctors' humour relaxing Drew, and smiled.

“Certainly seem to know how to make a patient comfortable, don't they?” remarked Dave. “Wish we had more like them at home”.

“Yes, Drew seems very relaxed. Oh Dave, I am worried about her though.”

“Well, let's watch and see what we find out”.

Maggie and Karen pulled up chairs fairly close to Drew's bed.

Maggie started things off. “Drew, can you tell me a bit about how ‘Gaby' came around in the first place?”

“Well, Dr. Maggie, it was for a charity ride with mum actually. It was a costume affair. She was Xena, and I was her sidekick Gaby.”

“And how did you feel about dressing like a girl for that?”

“Erm…well I really didn't want to. But I didn't want to let mum down either. And she really, really wanted me to do it.”

“And how did you feel when you were doing the ride?”

“Well, after a little bit, I kind of forgot about what I was wearing because I was concentrating on the ride.”

“And afterwards?”

“They wanted us to stay in costume until after all the presentations. Mum said no problem, but honestly I really didn't want to. And then later, they phoned and mum agreed to have us present the cheque in our costumes to the Children's Aid Society.”

“And how did you feel about that, Drew?”

“I got pretty mad about it. And I said I wouldn't do it. But then dad said I was doing it and that was that. Cuz it was for charity.”

“And then after, we went out to eat, and mum had a different outfit, but there wasn't any clothes to change into for me, so I had to go as ‘Gaby'.

A few tears began to slide down Drew's cheeks “It was almost like they had it all planned and didn't want Drew with them. But I couldn't let them down, could I? And I was supposed to go out at New Years dressed as Gaby again, but I hurt myself. And I'd even asked dad if I could go in another costume, but he said I should go like that, and it would be the last time”

“It's okay Drew. Take your time. We have all the time you need, if you'd like to take a minute.”

Back in the observation room, Jen and Dave were staring at each other. Drew had laid it all out, and there was nothing they could gainsay her on. She was right. After the cheque presentation had been planned. And Dave had said that.

“My God Jen, what have we done? I know we thought it would just be a lark, but Drew really didn't want to do it, and we didn't listen.”

“I never thought he minded that much either, because he never put up much of a fight about it. But I guess you're right – we weren't really listening were we?”

Drew began to speak again. “But thankfully that was it until the Easter disco.”

Karen now took over talking to Drew. “Can you tell us about that Drew?”

“Well, it was actually the girls' idea. They had invited Rhod and I over because they had an idea for the costumes. They wanted to go as Manga characters – Sailor Moon girls to be exact. Rhod and I said no immediately. The girls really, really wanted us to do it. We put a condition on it that I was sure would work.”

Drew sighed deeply as he thought of it.

“And what was the condition Drew?”

“Well, if they couldn't make us pass as girls by the following weekend, it was all off. I was sure they wouldn't be able to do it. I was wrong. We went to the mall, and nobody there figured it out, except Jules. I figured I was free and clear, but Mad said if she wasn't going to tell anyone, we'd still do it.”

“Oh, and Jules had conveniently forgot to tell me that when Mad had pierced my ears there, that she had left sleepers in and the holes wouldn't heal over.”

“When I figured that out later I was quite angry. It was like Jules wanted rid of me too, to be replaced with a little sister. And I have never figured out why Mad wanted me to do it in the first place. Oh and then Jules told the girls she wouldn't tell anyone so I was totally trapped.”

The tears were running freely down Drew's face now. “I don't know why they all wanted me to be a girl! I just wanted to be me, Drew! But I just couldn't bloody say no!”

“Why, Karen? Why would they want me to be a girl? Isn't Drew good enough? Am I, as Drew wanted by anybody? I mean, first mum and dad and gran; and then Mad and Jules and the girls. Then Mr. Wood. Then Brit and Deb. And the Cheer Team. Am I some kind of freak or something? Or do they all just have a really sick sense of humour?”

“It seems like all of them want someone other than me. Well, they want me as someone else would be closer, I guess.”

Just then, an orderly knocked on the door, bringing in Drew's breakfast. “Perfect timing” thought Karen as the orderly came in. “We can give him some time to collect himself before continuing, and Maggie and I can talk to the parents for a few minutes.”

“Drew, we will talk about that. Right now though, would you like us to give you a few minutes, and you can eat your breakfast? I know this is pretty stressful for you, and any time you want a few minutes break, you just have to say so.”

“Yes please, Karen. I would like that.”

“Alrighty then. We'll come back in 10 or 15 minutes. Okay?”

“Okay Karen. Thank you.”

Karen and Maggie went out of the room and into the observation room. As they entered the observation room, Dave and Jenny turned to meet them. There were tear tracks running down their cheeks, and they looked very somber.

Jenny started out “We never knew Drew felt that way about the dressing up. He never said anything. He just did it. And when you hear him tell it from his perspective, I can understand how he feels, and why it appears to him like that. And right now, I don't know Maddy's motivations or Jules' for that matter; but I know we love Drew and that it was never our intention to make him feel unwanted.”

“And it's true that I said he had to do it, “one last time”, because it was a charity event. But now when I think about it, I've made Drew do it many more times since then. And I can see where he would think that I haven't lived up to my word. And I do understand why he would be angry about it.” Dave was trying to be stoic, but you could see how much it was affecting him.

Karen faced the two of them and began to speak.

“Now I know this is hard for you to listen to, but this is simply the early stages, and I am getting the ‘raw' responses out of Drew that I had hoped for. You both made rational decisions that you thought were the best at the time. Don't read anymore into it than that. It wasn't like you set off on a course to make Drew into a girl on purpose, with malice aforethought. As time went on you may have simply been responding to subconscious visual cues that Drew was giving off. Or he may have been giving off subconscious emotional cues of his own, as things happened. There is no blame here, and you have to remember that. Right now the emotional side of Drew is lashing out, because he may be afraid to confront his own feelings on the subject. We will find out more as things progress.”

“This is obviously the major stress point in Drew's life, just as Maggie described to me. The most important thing is to get the feelings out in the open and begin to deal with those, before we sit down with Drew to talk about the physical findings. And I know we are going slow right now, and this may take a little longer than planned to get everything out in the open, but I do believe it is critical to Drew's long term health and psychological development to do it now. And this has to be done to a certain degree at the pace which Drew sets. We will break anytime Drew wants to, so that Drew knows we can be trusted to look out for his needs. I also don't want you to discuss with Juliette what Drew has talked about so far. Like I said, while it may have in fact happened that way, right now this is simply Drew's viewpoint on the matter. We can talk to Juliette later.”

“And it is totally your choice, but you can have Juliette in here with you. As the parents, you are in charge of directing his treatment. Who you choose to share information is up to you. If you feel that the long term relationship between Drew and Jules would not be harmed by her knowing what is being said here, then it may be useful. But I would recommend against bringing Carol and Maddy in here.”

“No, Dr. Page” replied Jenny “This is a private medical issue for Drew. Yes, Dave and I need to know. But certainly for now, no one else needs to be privy to all of the details. We can and will have family discussions about this later, I am sure, but I think it best if it is just Dave and I right now.”

Maggie had been observing Drew while Karen had been talking to Jenny and Dave. Even “his” mannerisms were now very feminine. Of course, having to pass as female simply would have reinforced this, but they were so natural. Maggie was beginning to wonder what kind of visual and psychological cues Drew had been giving off. Just looking through this window, anyone that saw Drew would immediately draw the conclusion that it was a teenage girl in that hospital bed. This could get very complex, very fast.

“Karen? Drew is pretty much finished up, and is looking more composed. I think we should go back and get started again.”

“Right then. Off we go.”

As they came back into the room, Drew seemed to actually brighten a bit. As if by talking to them, someone at least got to hear Drew's side of things. Karen and Maggie pulled up their chairs and Karen once again, began the discussions.

“Drew, the first times you went out as a girl…can you tell me some more about them. I know that you were unhappy with being put into that position, but once you were there, can you tell me how it felt?”

“Well, once mum and I were riding, I guess I kind of forgot about what I was wearing. We were doing a charity race and once I'm racing I kind of zone out, if you know what I mean. It wasn't until after, when they asked us to stay in costume that it hit me again.”

“So it wasn't a continual distraction, and you just went along normally….is that it?”

“Ermm….yes, I guess so Karen. I hadn't really thought about it.”

“But you know, now that I think about it Jules had a lot to do with the second time too. Let me
think….
The first time, when mum and I had to go for pictures, she told mum that she'd make sure she took care of me looking ‘girly' when I was worried about being found out.

And then for the Easter Dance, she told Maddy she wouldn't say anything, even after she'd spotted us; she left those keepers in my ears even after she'd noticed them; and she came over and helped the girls with the costumes. And it was her idea to draw the costume numbers too – and I amazingly got the most femme costume of the lot!”

Drew was getting quite angry now. He seemed to have been tricked into it by some of the people he trusted most in the world.

“And here I thought my own family would look out for me” Drew spat bitterly. “All I was, was a big bloody Barbie doll for Jules. And Maddy apparently. Although I am still trying to work out why she wanted me to dress as a girl all of the time.”

“At the dance, Drew, how did you feel when you were there?” asked Maggie, trying to divert Drew's anger for the moment and keep him talking.

Drew however was not quite ready to be diverted.

“In fact, Jules has figured quite a few times in when I ‘had' to dress as Gaby! She was always ready to keep up the story of Gaby, and embellished it a few times herself. Rotten snot! My own sister!”

Drew's anger began to run down, but his emotions were still running wild. Drew had put together a part of the story he had never seen, or more likely wanted to see, before. That there were people that you trusted, that often had other motives. Karen was saddened to see this particular loss of innocence and to see it happen in such a manner.

“Well Drew,” Karen said in as soothing a manner as possible “We're here for you and for no other reason. And we won't think any different of you no matter what you tell us. You are a very nice person, and I'm sorry you feel hurt by what you believe Jules did to you. Did you ever ask her about it? Did you ever want to know why she was doing this?

I'll play Devil's Advocate here for a minute if I may, Drew. Could she have simply been trying to help out with the costumes for the dance? Might she have been trying to protect you from discovery the first time? To use your Barbie doll analogy, could she have just wanted to see what a little sister might have looked like?

I'm not saying that these were her motivations, but have you thought about them at all? Because I know you are very angry and upset right now. If your thoughts about why she did this are correct, I might be angry in your place too. But we can never know what another person's motivations are until we ask them.”

“I guess you're right doctor, but I do want to ask her and mum and dad about it. It just seems they want to see Gaby more and more, and Drew less and less. But I'm the same person inside, and I don't understand that. What is so different and better about Gaby than Drew?”

“Well Drew if you like we can arrange for some time where you have all of your family there, and we can talk about this some more.”

“I would like that Karen, very much.”

“Okay Drew, let's look at Maggie's question. How did you feel when you were at the dance?”

“Scared shitless if you want the honest truth. But I did dance a bit, and since the girls outnumbered the boys, I got the same catty reaction every time I danced, so I must have been doing okay as a girl. But later, I found out that Maddy had entered me in the contest as Gaby Thomas, and when I won, the cheque was in that name. I ended up having to open up a bank account as Gaby. It was kind of freaking me out. But the dance itself was okay, I guess. Nobody figured out who I was, so that helped.”

“I can understand that would freak you out a bit Drew.”

“Well, it wasn't long after that that people everywhere seemed to be mistaking me for a girl. And every time it happened, nobody would help me correct them. Mum always just said let it go, and I actually think Mad and the girls were encouraging it. They started playing up the ‘Gaby' notion as much as possible.

And then there was the modeling for the school.”

“Modeling? This is the first we've heard about that Drew. Please tell us a bit more about it.”

“Well, Mr. Wood had figured out who I was at the Easter Dance, and a little while later asked if ‘Gaby' would be the model student for the new catalogue. I wasn't really in favour of it, but he was offering a lot of money to do it. I said he would have to clear it with mum and dad. I was thinking that was my way out to be honest. But then mum said it was okay, that it would be my choice. And I couldn't turn down Mr. Wood – or the money. I was really surprised when mum said okay to it. That was where I ended up getting the good fake boobs and the gaff. The people doing the photo shoot makeup and that were ‘aware' and took steps to see that all that was noticed was Gaby.”

“So Mr. Wood ‘asked' you to be Gaby, you deferred the question to your mum, and she told you it was your decision. Is that about right?”

“Yep. Although I don't know what Mr. Wood actually said to mum.”

In the observation room, Jenny was seething. “Michael said nothing about Drew modeling as female! He just asked me if Drew could be one of the models for the new school catalogue. I'll have his bloody guts for garters for this! And then he has the unmitigated gall to say Drew had a choice. Offer a child that much money, and the ability to skip school for a few days and what do you think will be the answer? And afterwards, it was just too late to do anything about it. And now Drew obviously thinks we were promoting him being Gaby!”

Dave grabbed his wife's hand, clutched it and looked at her. “We'll let the solicitor handle this when we get home. Right now let's concentrate on Drew, and do everything we can to help him….or her…or whoever Drew turns out to be. All right, luv?”

“Of course, Dave. It just makes me so angry. And it makes me feel like a bad mother.”

“Drew, how do you feel once you are Gaby? Do you feel out of place, do you feel uncomfortable, are you worried about someone finding out? Can you tell me a bit more about that?”

“Well, certainly to start with I felt very uncomfortable. I thought I would be caught, and my life would be over. Everybody would think I was gay or something. Or I could get beaten up. And that it would finish me in biking…..that I'd be a laughingstock.”

“But I never seemed to get caught. Even my mates from school didn't catch on, which I thought was very weird. And right now, to be honest, it feels completely natural to be Gaby. As far as anyone else is concerned, that's who I am. All the people from home know I'm Drew, and are going along with this, and Brit and Deb and Miss Bell haven't told anyone obviously, so everyone here thinks I'm a girl. Well except you Maggie, and Erin – she knew that Jenny Bond only had one daughter and had a son Drew that was Junior Champion.”

“And I guess that's part of what's confusing me right now. Where does Drew leave off and Gaby begin? Or vice versa for that matter? It seems to all be blending together and somehow it feels like I'm losing part of me. I mean how long can this keep going? Sooner or later someone will find out and something bad will happen. And I'll be left standing, looking like some sort of freak, and not getting any help from anyone. And it seems to me that everyone is trying to push me one way, all for their own hidden reasons. I just want to be Drew!”

“Okay Drew, I can understand your reasons for feeling the way you do. You are feeling pushed, but have no way out, and no one is listening to what you are saying. Is that about it?”

“Well, yes. It is, kind of.”

“Okay, so then who is Drew? What are the qualities that make Drew Bond Drew? And I'm going to ask you to do something for me here. When you start describing Drew, leave out any reference to gender. Tell me who Drew is without saying him or her.”

“Well okay doctor….it seems kind of silly, but okay.”

“Let's see….Drew is a nice person, has good friends, likes to help others, is a good cyclist – Jr. National Champ actually, loyal, a bit on the small side though. Drew wants people to …..wants to be liked by people, wants to be National Champion someday, and maybe Olympic Champion; wants to get married and have children, Drew is rather shy, does okay at school, gets along with most everyone………ummm….that's all I can think of for now doctor.”

“Very good Drew. Now tell me, could any or all of those descriptions apply equally to a girl as a boy?”

“Well yes, I guess they could. But what has that got to do with anything?”

“Well Drew, the way you described yourself to me, I could have been listening to a description of a boy or a girl. You didn't describe Drew as being macho or feminine, you didn't describe attributes that were distinctly more in the masculine realm or more in the feminine realm. You described Drew as you see Drew right now. And it is a good description. What I was getting at, is that either as Drew or as Gaby, the attributes are the same, aren't they?”

“I guess they are. I hadn't thought of it that way.”

“So when people look at you, whether dressed as Gaby or not, they sometimes see a girl – correct?”

“Umm – yes.”

“Listening to that description can you maybe see why?”

“I guess so.”

“Okay . Well can you tell me what gender Drew Bond is?”

“Well I'm a boy then, aren't I? I have all the proper parts! What, do you think I'm gay or something?”

“Not at all Drew. What I was trying to get at, you have partially answered.”

“Huh?”

“You are thinking of gender strictly from the aspect of the physical body parts. Would that be correct?”

“Well, yes. Doesn't everybody?”

“Actually Drew, the physical attributes are only a small part of what make up gender. Equally, if not more important, is the way you are ‘hard-wired' if you will. I have known people that on the outside were fully female, but you would never have mistaken them for anything other than male, under any circumstances except if they were undressed. Likewise, I have known big, macho Special Forces types that have been totally female inside, and were simply doing the super-macho things to hide and deny it to themselves. Gender is a much more complex thing than simply what you look like from the outside.”

“And then there are intersexed people.”

“What's intersexed Karen?”

Well, intersexed people are people who look outwardly like one gender, but internally, and genetically they are the other gender. But sometime during the mother's pregnancy something has occurred to make it appear differently. In some cases, children are born with both sets of genitals.”

“And there is another type of disease that predominantly affects males, which doesn't allow them to develop like males. That is called Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. Androgens are the male hormones. Some males develop being partially to totally insensitive to them. The degree of insensitivity will determine how much, if any, they will develop like a standard male. I guess one way to say it is it would be like being allergic to testosterone – anywhere from a mild allergy to a severe one.”

“So, you see there are lots of different avenues to gender, Drew. The ‘bits' are simply one of many indicators.”

“So, when I asked that question, I wasn't trying to be silly or condescending or anything like that. I was curious about how you feel in terms of your gender.”

“I'm sorry Karen. I just thought you were having me on.”

“But to be honest I just feel like me. Believe I'm a boy, because I have the right ‘bits' and that's what I've always believed. It wasn't until things started happening this year that I even thought of anything else.”

“Can I think about that one for a bit, please?”

“Of course, Drew. You tell us what you think when you're ready to. Now Drew, I see it's just about lunchtime. Would you like to take some time to have lunch and we can resume in an hour or so. While you're relaxing and having some lunch, I'll get Maggie to check on the status of when your parents will be here.”

“Oh, if you could please, Karen. I really wish they were here. And I am a bit hungry too, I guess. I never realized that talking could make me hungry.”

“All right. We'll get lunch sent in and see you in about an hour.”

As Karen and Maggie left the room, Drew was left to think about what they'd talked about that morning. Up until now, as far as he was concerned, he had always been a boy. And he'd always assumed that it was merely the physical which decided girl or boy. He hadn't known about any of the other stuff Karen had talked about this morning.

Drew had a lot to think about. He started thinking about how his body was developing, more like a girl's than a boy's. And he started thinking about the iron pills he was on – and the comment about young girls getting them during puberty. From there his mind flitted to other thoughts – how so many people automatically took him to be a girl; how he seemed to slip in Gaby mode so easily, how much like a girl he really looked like when he was Gaby, and how people related to Gaby and to Drew.

It was funny, he thought, that his life as Gaby was fuller somehow. He seemed to do more than just cycle – although that was always his main focus, there was the Cheer Squad, all of his friends (at least all of them that were in on the secret) treated him just as they had before and maybe even a little better. All of the girls treated him like an equal. Yet all of the boys, with a few exceptions, didn't even notice him. He would never be a standout on the rugby pitch or anything like that, and besides, that wasn't his thing.

It was really the trying to live two lives that really was the problem. Yes, he'd said many times that he was never going to be Gaby again. Yet, how often had it happened? And why did he so easily let himself be talked into being Gaby? And was his body sending him a message he just hadn't figured out yet? Was there a reason it was so easy to become Gaby? He really wished mum and Dad were here. They could help him with some of this. He just wanted to be Drew. But like he kept asking himself over and over when this all started, who was Drew and who was Gaby? Were they the same person? Could Drew be Drew and Gaby at the same time?

And what if he were a girl? How would that affect his cycling? Well, he could certainly be on the women's team then and follow after mum. But what would dad say? After all he was born a boy, wasn't he?

Were they all seeing something that was invisible to him? Was he giving off some kind of female aura or something? All questions he could ask Karen and Maggie later.

Just then, his door opened and he looked up. There was lunch. Well to a hungry teen, lunch took priority over just about everything. Even if it was hospital food. Deep thoughts could wait. Lunch first, then maybe a little nap before Karen and Maggie came back.