Chapter 8

“……….I’m not totally sure. In many ways I comfortable as both. Although I do seem to get on better as Gaby, I have to admit. Except for cycling, sport isn’t really my thing, and I seem to be able to relate to the girls better than I do the boys.”

“*Sigh* and if I’m really honest, I have more friends as Gaby. And I find it easier to talk to people.”

“You and Dr. Maggie are really the first two people that I feel comfortable talking about all of this stuff to. I am always afraid that if I start to talk to anyone about it, they’ll think I’m some sort of freak or something. And you understand this stuff – I’m not sure that mum and dad and everybody else will. I mean, I know they understand what a boy is and what a girl is, but what if?.........what if I think I need to be a girl? Would they understand that?”

“And if I did decide that way, what would happen to my cycling? Would I be able to race still, would I be thrown out, what? And what would this do to mum’s cycling career? I mean, she’s Tour champ! Would what I was doing bugger her career?”

Questions were coming out of Drew fast and furious now. Karen felt like the dam inside of Drew that had been holding all this in had finally broken. And that they would finally get Drew to tell them what he/she felt.

Outside the door Maggie had stopped when she heard Karen telling Drew they were alone. And now, hearing all of the questions start to pour out of Drew, she also knew that they had finally gotten past Drew’s reserve. She quietly slipped past the door to Drew’s room and went in to see Jenny and Dave.

Dave and Jenny were watching and listening intently to what was going on. To them, it seemed that the floodgates had opened and all the things that Drew had held in for so long were starting to come out. Through teary eyes they just looked at each other and smiled.

“He sounds like he did when he was 5, doesn’t he Dave? Full of questions and wonder. How did we miss that going away luv? It wasn’t until just now, when I saw his eyes light up when he was talking to Karen that it occurred to me. I haven’t seen him like this since he was little. He used to pester me with questions and point things out like they were the most wondrous things on earth. And I never really noticed that it stopped.”

“You’re right Jen. He has been quiet and ‘distant’ for a long time now, hasn’t he? I think I probably just put it down to him growing up. And if I remember rightly, it was shortly after he started school that he started to get quieter.”

Maggie gently cleared her throat behind them.

“I might have a possible answer for you there. And I only say possible.”

“Was that the year Drew started school?”

“Well yes, Maggie, it was” answered Jenny.

“Let’s sit for a minute and talk about this while Karen is talking to Drew shall we?”

After they sat down, Jen looked at Maggie and asked “Why did you ask if that was when Drew started school? Is it important in some way?”

“Well Jenny, it can be. For many transgendered children, that is when they first truly realize they are different from the other children. I recall one story particularly. The woman in question was born male, a somewhat different situation, but not entirely. She went to school at the age of 5. A little early, but because of when her birthday fell, she was able to start then. Now please remember as well, in this case she was 5 in the late 1960’s – things were done much differently then.”

“Up until that point she had been just another one of the neighbourhood kids, in a fairly new subdivision that was filled with young families. They all played together, boys and girls, and there was never any differentiation. They were all just kids. As she put it, ‘the descent into Hell’ began on the first day of school. First day of grade one, and the teacher, once everyone was in the class decided to do a group activity. And she asked the students to line up. Girls on one side, boys on the other. As she put it ‘her first fatal mistake’. While she chose correctly for her own self perception, the teacher pointed out, in front of everyone, that she was on the wrong side and to go and join the boys on the other side of the room.”

“The laughter and ridicule started then and there. And she was to be with these children for the next 8 years. From that point on, she began to withdraw. She had become a pariah on her first day of school, and that followed her through 8 years of grade school and then, even through high school. And it certainly wasn’t intentional on the part of the teacher. And even my patient was the first to admit that. But it marked her. And scarred her in ways that I suspect she is still dealing with to this day.”

“One ‘mistake’ as she put it, is sometimes all it takes.”

“And just for informational purposes, she has given me permission to tell her story as long as I do not use her name. So I am not breaking any doctor/patient privilege. She hoped that in sharing her story with others, that someone else may be helped.”

“But that is how easily and innocuously it can begin. I actually had the opportunity to talk to her parents at one point, and I shared this story with them. They were horrified, because they never knew. Because she wouldn’t tell them. Because she didn’t trust them enough to tell them was what they were saying. Her mother said she was such a happy child before she went to school, and then the light in her eyes just faded away over time.”

“But I have to tell you that it isn’t that their child didn’t trust them, although there may be a certain amount of that. But a five year old simply doesn’t have the language to describe exactly how they feel. They know they are different, but they don’t know how or why. They don’t know how to describe to someone else what they can’t describe for themselves. And even a five year old ‘knows’ there are some things you don’t tell your parents or anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I am not ascribing to that theory of the five year old – I am simply describing how they feel. You and Dave are near this woman’s age. Would you have known how to tell your parents this at the age of five? Would you have trusted them with this then? And do you think your average parent would have even heard about it, much less have accepted it in their children?”

Dave looked very somber, and Jenny had tears in her eyes as she struggled to speak.

“I understand exactly how that mother felt, Dr. Maggie, but I also know I wouldn’t have known how to tell my parents at that age. And I am quite certain they would never have heard of such, nor would they have had a clue how to deal with it.”

“That poor woman. And you said she was born male, so she had none of the options that our Drew has, limited though they may be?”

“No Jenny, she didn’t. And she went through male puberty. The ‘ultimate betrayal’, as she calls it. And she ended up being built like a footballer.”

“She and many like her transition when they can. When they can come to terms with who they are versus what their bodies are telling them. Not only do they not get a chance at a normal childhood, but in many ways they are robbed of much of their adult life as well, trying to be the square peg in a round hole.”

“She was actually the first transsexual woman I had as a patient. And she educated me as she was transitioning. I got to see firsthand the toll that it had taken on her, but I also got to see the great joy as she began her life again as the person she truly was – no longer playing a role, and being who everyone else thought she should be.”

“This is where you and Dave will play a critical role for Drew. Drew would do anything for you, as you have heard; and I suspect would make whatever sacrifice it took. In many ways, in this as in much else, Drew is like a lot of transgendered children. They are desperate to have the love and approval of family and friends, and willing to do virtually anything to obtain it. Even if it means submerging who they really are for what they see as the greater good – their family’s approval and love, they will do it.”

“Many of these children feel that the love of their family is contingent upon them playing their assigned role. That there are conditions on the love they receive. Even if this is not truly the case, that is their perception. Unfortunately, too many times they are right in that perception. Many parents and siblings cannot handle the paradigm shift in who their child is ‘all of a sudden’. It’s not really sudden, it’s simply that the child has never shown them that before – it’s always been there, just never been seen.”

“This is where showing the unconditional love for your child will do the most good. Your letting Drew make the decision once he has all the facts, and supporting him or her in whatever that decision may be will go further than anything else to show this. I suspect that Drew will probably turn to both of you and try to find out which way you want him to go. I think if you simply express your love for him, and he knows that whichever way he goes with this he will be supported, then everything will go much better.”

“You’re right doctor” Dave replied “While I admit I would like a son, I would rather Drew be whole and happy. I love both of my children, and it would hurt me a great deal to see them suffering. And that’s obviously where Drew is right now”.

“I agree with Dave, Dr. We love Drew, no matter what the outcome. I just want to help my baby get better.”

Back in Drew’s room, Drew and Karen are still deep in conversation and questions.

“Dr. Karen, you know how you were describing all of those different types of people?”

“Yes, Drew. Did you have some more questions? I know you said you wanted to think about all of that some more.”

“I have been. Now, you said there was a difference between sex and ‘gender’ as you called it. The last few weeks I have been thinking a lot about it, too much maybe. And you told me a lot of stuff I didn’t know before. So, I could be a boy and like boys or girls; or I could be a girl and like boys or girls. Right?”

“Yes Drew, that’s right.”

“So, I could become a girl and still like girls? Be a lesbian?”

“Yes Drew, you could.”

“Oh, okay.”

“So, if I had to be a girl, could I still ride do you think?”

“Well Drew, that would obviously have to be discussed with your parents and the cycling people, but I don’t see why not.”

“Physically, the recovery time from the type of operation that can make that happen is 3 to 6 months. But everyone is different.”

“Hmmmmm.”

Karen was thinking to herself that Drew had already made a decision, but was just trying to reassure himself that what he wanted from life was still possible. Smiling wryly to herself she thought that Drew was going to be very surprised by the results of the physical tests. And she was pleased that Drew had been able to come to grips with how he felt about himself.

“Dr. Karen?” Drew interrupted her reverie.

“Yes Drew?”

“Ummmm…hrmmmm….if I tell you something, will anyone else find out?”

“Well to be honest Drew, that depends. Yes. Doctor/patient confidentiality covers a lot, but since you are also legally a minor I do have to tell your parents a great deal.”

“Even if it wasn’t about me?”

“Well no, if it didn’t concern you or your treatment, I could keep that confidential”

“Okay, let me think about that for a few minutes.”

“Dr. Karen, no matter which way I go, nothing will ever be the same again, will it?”

“No Drew, it won’t. But not necessarily for the reasons you might be thinking. You see, you now have knowledge that you didn’t have before. You know more about who you are, and have made some decisions about that. And there will be more. Life is like that I’m afraid. Every decision we make in life has a consequence, good and bad. And sometimes, not making a decision is a decision in itself. But knowing who you are is a very precious thing. Many people struggle their entire lives trying to figure that out. But I am sorry it took an event like this to bring you to this point.”

“But if what we’ve talked about these last two days is right, this would have happened sometime. Maddy and the gang would have kept up with the Gaby stuff, I’d keep giving in to it or something, and I’d not have had this chance to work it out. But working it out, instead of not deciding, could be good or bad. And I guess that would be by me deciding if it was good or bad.”

“So what if I decided to be a boy, and I thought it was good?”

“Then that eliminates an entire set of possibilities and consequences, and leaves you with the possibilities and consequences of that decision. Until you make another decision. Every decision or choice we make leads to a different set of possibilities and consequences. It is how you deal with these that makes up your life.”

“Now let’s say, for instance, that you had to choose between a date with Maddy and a big race. And you chose the date. The consequence is you don’t race, right?”

“Okay, I see that Dr. Karen.”

“Now what if watching that race, unknown to you, were some cycling team scouts. And by missing the race, they didn’t see you and chose someone else for their team? That’s an unknown consequence. That is part of the choices we make in life. But you see how it could close off a path to you. But it could equally open up a different, but perhaps better path. Perhaps on that date, you and Maddy declare your love for each other and decide to commit to each other for a long term relationship. Again, when you make that initial decision, that’s an unknown.”

Drew is looking a little confused and is trying hard to understand what Karen is saying. He is almost there, but needs a little more help.

“When you played in that badminton tournament with Maddy, did they have a big chart that looked like a bunch of interlocking tree branches, with everyone’s name on it?”

“Yes, there was.”

“So you saw when one person or team advanced, their name was put on another branch?”

“Yeeeesssss” Drew said hesitantly.

“And you saw how certain branches closed off and others opened as the day progressed and as matches were won or lost?”

“Yes. Yes I did. That’s what you’re getting at isn’t it? Every time I make a decision about something, some branches open up and others close off!”

“That’s exactly right Drew. Well done! In a very real way, that is how life works. For every decision and choice you make, some avenues open and others close. And many times we have no idea of what the eventual outcome of those decisions will be. One example is us sitting in this room together. When I made the decision to go to medical school, I simply couldn’t have known that doing that would bring us together in this room at this time.”

“But I am glad I did.”

Drew blushed.

“We all make the best decisions we can at the time given the information we have at the time. To try and guess all the eventual outcomes would land us both in a padded room. And since the decisions of people are interrelated, there is no way to really do that anyways.”

“So whatever I decide could be affected by other things then?”

“Yes they could Drew.”

“I never thought about it like this. But it makes sense the way you explain it. But I do want to talk to mum and dad before I make any decisions.”

“That’s quite alright Drew. Speaking of which, I should talk to Maggie and see if she’s found out when your mum and dad will get here.”

“Would you please Dr. Karen? I really miss them.”

“Okay Drew. Why don’t you have a rest for a bit while I do that? And while I do that, Maggie and I will check on the tests she was running. I’ll pop in and let you know, and then we will let you rest for a while. I’ll be back in just a minute.”

“’Kay, Dr. Karen.”

Karen went into the observation room to find Maggie, Jenny and Dave waiting for her.

“Maggie, what do you say to you and me popping back and telling Drew they’ll be here in about 2 hours? That will give Drew some rest time, and give us a chance to talk to Jenny and Dave about this last session. And I do want to ask you Jenny and Dave about one thing. Drew asked me about confidentiality and what you folks would be told. And he asked me if it didn’t affect him, would I keep a secret essentially. Could you give me about 20 minutes with him to talk to him about that? I promise if it affects what’s going on right now, I will tell you.”

“Well Dave, what do you think?”

“These doctors have been very up front with us Jen. I think that Drew is in excellent hands. Besides, I could murder a cuppa about now.”

“Okay Karen, go ahead. Dave and I will come back in half an hour or so.”

“Great. Thank you very much. I do not want to jeopardize the trust Drew and I have developed. Maggie and I will pop in on Drew and meet you back here in half an hour.”

With that, Dave and Jenny headed for the cafeteria and Maggie and Karen back to Drew.

As they came into Drew’s room, his eyes lit up. News of mum and dad at last!

Maggie came up beside the bed. “Well Drew, I have wonderful news for you. Your mum and dad will be here in about 2 hours.”

Drew wrapped his arms around Maggie and gave her a huge hug. “Oh thank you Dr. Maggie! Thank you! That’s brilliant! I can hardly wait to see them!”

“Okay then Drew, I am going to go and track down your test results, and go over them and then have a bite of dinner. By the time I get back, your mum and dad should be here. Okay?”

“’Kay Dr. Maggie, see you later.”

And off went Maggie. Karen pulled up her chair again and sat down.

“Drew, a while ago you asked me about confidentiality. Do you want to talk about that now?”

“I’ve thought about Dr. Karen, and yes, I do.”

“Remember when we were talking about transvestites and stuff?”

“Yes I do, Drew.”

“Well……well I know a girl who is transsex…transsexual.” Drew said, coming up with the right term.

“I met her through cycling. Her name’s Cat. Well Catrina actually. She’s my age. Mad and I met her at a time trial. She came in to the finish and her legs were cramping, so Mad and I gave her a rubdown. We all went home together after.”

“We all went shopping after that and she figured out Gaby. I was very mad, and said some things I shouldn’t have, but we were able to make up later. Later on, she decided to tell me and Mad. She used the MAD principle as she called it. You know what this is Dr. Karen?”

“Umm….Mutually Assured Destruction I would assume?”

“Yep, that’s it. She knew my secret, so she gave me hers in exchange.”

“Since then, I’ve thought an awful lot about it, particularly as my body was changing. And I thought about how brave she was to go through all of that.”

“You should feel very honoured Drew. Transgendered people very seldom reveal it if they don’t have to.”

“I am just beginning to realize now how much, Dr. Karen. You’re right.”

“She looked like any other girl. If she hadn’t told me I’d never have known. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought that if my body kept changing, that I could possibly do that too, and not look freaky or anything. And then while we were here, I just kept thinking that she has to do this every day too. Live with the fear of being found out, and never knowing if someone found out, what would happen. It helped me a lot. But it finally got to the point where I didn’t know who was who anymore. And I guess that’s when this happened.”

“But Dr. Karen, I also worry that if I were to decide to be a girl, just her hanging around with me could cause her secret to come out. I mean, it wouldn’t be too long before people figure out that Drew and Gaby are the same person, particularly if I keep cycling. And that could really hurt her I think, if it was to get out.

“But I know she wouldn’t look down on me or anything, so once we figure this all out, I know I’ll have at least one friend.”

“Well Drew, that is very thoughtful of you. And I am sure she would appreciate the fact that you don’t want her secret to get out. That is the sign of a true friend, looking out for your friend’s interests.”

“You won’t tell anyone will you Dr.?? I wouldn’t want to give away her secret.”

“Well Drew, we can talk about her with your family without mentioning her name. But you can decide that. If we do, I’ll just say you’ve told me about it, and I know the story behind it. Okay? Otherwise I won’t say a thing.”

“Okay Dr. Karen. That sounds fine.”

“Right then. Try and have a bit of a rest before your mum and dad get here, and I’ll see you in a little while.

“I’ll try, Dr. Karen”

Karen left the room and slowly headed back for Maggie’s office, deep in thought. Drew’s revelation about his friend Catrina in some ways put a whole new perspective on things. Not only did Drew have a friend that would understand ‘her’ fears completely, but could also become somewhat of a mentor to Drew if need be. Interesting thought to be filed for later. It was now obvious that Drew had been thinking about this seriously for quite some time, and she and Maggie had been able to put a lot of information in the proper context for Drew.

She thought she knew which way Drew was leaning, but wasn’t surprised that Drew wanted to talk to his mum and dad first. What would surprise him would be the fact that his parents were going to let Drew make this decision, and they would not give an indication one way or the other about their preferences.

Karen was still deep in thought when she got back to Maggie’s office. Stepping inside, she saw Maggie leaning back with a cup of coffee, and her eyes closed, obviously thinking about Drew’s case.

“Penny for your thoughts, Mags.”

“Hmmm…… oh, just thinking about our patient. And I was thinking about the first transsexual woman patient I ever had. And what a difference one little chromosome makes.”

“And I am not sure how thrilled Drew is going to be with his lack of options, and I know my other patient would have been ecstatic. Very weird how life works sometimes.”

“True Maggie, very true. But you may be surprised by Drew. My gut tells me that Drew has come to some sort of decision. And if I were a betting woman, it will all hinge on whether Drew can continue to cycle. That is a constant in Drew’s life that on either side of the equation needs to be there. Drew is a very complex individual, age notwithstanding.”

“Did you know that he knows a very young transwoman – a girl his age as a matter of fact? Someone he and Maddy met cycling. Who, after having put two and two together in terms of Drew and Gaby, gifted Drew with her secret?”

“Really? That puts an interesting tenor on things. That probably got Drew thinking about his own body changes, and what might be possible.”

“Oh, it did. And Drew feels a great deal of empathy for her situation. And Drew admitted to me that he gets on better as Gaby, which I found to be a very telling admission. But, we should find Dave and Jenny and talk to them so we can give them some time with Drew before we have to broach Drew’s prognosis from a physical perspective, and how he feels about it.”

“True. Let me go and find them Karen, and we can get started.”

With that, Maggie left the room in search of Drew’s parents and Karen sat done to sort out her notes from the last session and prepare to talk to Jenny and Dave.

Karen had just finished making her notes when Maggie walked back in with the Bonds. As she and the Bonds joined Karen at the conference table Maggie asked “Well Karen, shall we get started?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, I have to admit this has been a very interesting couple of days. Drew’s case is probably the most ‘unique’ situation I have ever personally run across. Maggie has already outlined all of the physical issues for you – and it is quite a list. And it’s something that we have to deal with expeditiously.”

“The psychological side of things is somewhat murkier. Over the last 2 days, Maggie – and myself – have conducted extensive interviews both with Drew and his friends and those involved in the ‘Gaby-fying’ of Drew over the past while. Everyone seems to have their own motive for Drew becoming Gaby, including Drew.”

“And by that I mean that Drew is trying to find his place in the world, and is trying to fit in, without hurting anyone’s feelings or not living up to their expectations. He is trying to be all things to all people. But I believe where he bumped his nose, so to speak, was when he could no longer differentiate between the two in regards to which was truly the real Drew. He has watched his body begin to develop as a female, when he regards himself as male. But these changes have caused him to question his own reality – ‘Am I a girl?’ ‘Am I some kind of freak?’ ‘What do I want from life?’ and a myriad of other questions. These are very troubling and tough questions for anyone, let alone a child just on the verge of puberty.”

“In all of my discussions with Drew, it has become apparent that he has been thinking about these issues a great deal, and was afraid to discuss them with pretty much anyone. It took an episode such as this to give Drew the impetus to open up to someone, and as you saw, it still took 2 days of fairly intense discussions to get him to open up. Drew’s fears mirror those of virtually every other transgendered child I have ever dealt with. And make no mistake – Drew is transgendered. Drew is struggling with his gender identity.”

“The upside of to all of this is you Jenny, and you Dave. You have supported and loved him through all of this. And I know that both of you feel somewhat responsible for ‘creating’ Gaby. Please don’t. This would have happened at some point – at least in my opinion. In some ways being Gaby has prepared him for the choices he faces now, given the physical issues that we have to deal with. I am not going to tell you that Drew isn’t angry about a lot of this, because he is. And you will have to deal with that with Drew. As will Maddy and most of Drew’s other friends. And it will be tough. And it will be unpleasant at times. But Drew needs to get these feelings out in the open so they can be dealt with.”

“I also believe that Drew is justifiably angry about some of this. There have been people that have been purposely taking advantage of his good nature and using it against him. Drew’s teachers and some of the kids have been the absolute worst about this. It would appear from my perspective that when they have ‘asked’ Drew to be Gaby the request has been couched in such a way to ensure Drew will not turn them down. And some of the other children have seemed to delight in putting Drew in situations where he would have to be Gaby – mostly for their own amusement.”

“Maddy’s motivations are decidedly different from the others however. She truly loves Drew and was trying to find a way to reconcile that with her own sexuality. Not that it has hurt Drew any less, but her motives were really based in a lack of understanding of who she was. But her nature to manipulate others when she doesn’t get her own way needs to be kept an eye on. And I have advised her mother that this is something she needs to keep an eye on as well.”

“I am not going to sugarcoat this for you. It will be immensely difficult for all of you. Even though many of his problems have their roots in the physical body, like all of us he may look for someone to blame – be it God, the two of you, the doctors……whatever the case. There will be a great deal of anger and angst over this. It will run its course. And I am afraid that when we tell him about the genetics and the female reproductive system he has, he will see himself as more of a freak. This will certainly have to be approached with a certain amount of delicacy”.

“I believe, and this is only my opinion, that Drew will likely choose to be female. This is simply a gut instinct on my part right now. If that is the case, then everything we tell her will be received well. If not, well……..”

“But, I believe that being up front and forthright with Drew is also going to be very important. I had initially thought to wait for Drew’s decision before we talked about the physical issues, but Drew is a very thoughtful and mature child for his age. I have now come to believe that it would be better for us to sit down and give Drew all the information to allow him to come to an informed decision. He is going to look to the two of you for guidance, like I mentioned previously, but I think he would feel utterly betrayed if he found this information out after the fact.”

“I also think that we cannot keep the fact that you two have been here for the last day and a half observing the proceedings. Again, this is a trust issue. He will be angry, and I will personally take the blame for that so that he has someone to direct his anger at. We – more specifically I – have kept you away from him when he really needed you. That is what I think he will see at first. And in a limited fashion it’s also absolutely true. But we did need to deal with this and we did need to get him to think about these things himself.”

“Dr. Karen, we know he’ll be angry, but we need to accept responsibility here as well” said Dave. “Drew needs to know that we were watching, yes; but he also needs to hear from us that we thought it was important too, and that we agreed to it. You and Maggie have worked tirelessly these last two days to help our child, and we are eternally grateful. This is not your burden to bear alone.”

“And” Jenny interjected “Drew will take this news from you better if he knows we supported it. He may get mad for a little bit, but it will be better this way.”

“Well Jenny, I’ll defer to you two on that particular question. In this, you certainly know Drew better than I do.”

“Now, as to our approach when we go to see Drew – I would like to give you folks an hour or so with Drew before we come in to start to talk about this. In fact, if you were to ring the patient buzzer when you thought it was time, we could just have one of the nurses come and get us.”

“At that point, I really think we need to come clean with Drew. And let him vent some of his anger about everything. Then we should broach the physical issues with him. I think giving Drew all of the facts, and then withdrawing so the three of you can talk about it would be the best course. Once you’ve had some time to talk about it, we will come back and discuss things with the three of you. I would recommend that perhaps you go and get Juliette and have her here as well, as this does affect the whole family and Drew would certainly expect her to be here.”

“She would certainly feel ‘left out of the loop’ so to speak if she were not a part of this. And this is an issue you will need to face as a family. And I have to say, she has shown throughout all of this that she has shown herself to be a mature young lady and quite capable. And from the interviews we held initially, she feels very badly about the times she tricked Drew into being Gaby. This would give her a chance to tell Drew how she feels. It may be a little rough for her though, as Drew may vent some anger her way as well. “

“Dr. Karen, you are right. She does need to be here for all of this. I made one mistake in not telling my family everything, and I won’t make that mistake again. Isn’t that right love?”

“Yes, Jen. We agreed that we would always tell the entire family what was going on. And this does affect her too.” Replied Dave.

“Well then, I’ll phone Jocelyn Walters and get her to pick up Juliette and bring her over” said Maggie “and when she gets here we can all go in and see Drew. If you two want to head back to the observation room, we’ll bring Juliette there, and then we can go in.”

With that, Karen and the Bonds headed up to the observation room, and Maggie sat down at her desk.

“Now, where is that number? Walters, Walters……….ah, here it is.”

Picking up the phone, Maggie thought to herself that Jos had certainly had gotten a lot more than she had bargained for with this exchange trip. She absently dialed the number and waited – her thoughts straying back to Drew.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Jos? It’s Maggie.”

“Oh Maggie – good to hear from you. Is there any news?”

“As Juliette no doubt told you, Drew is awake and coherent. That’s really all I can tell you right now. But, we are ready to re-unite the family, and I was hoping you could bring Juliette here as soon as possible.”

“Oh, absolutely Maggie….I’ll go and pick her up right now. We can be there in about 45 minutes or so. She’ll be so happy to be with them all again. This has been such a trying time for everyone.”

“You are quite right, Jos, it certainly has. When you bring her, please ask her to come to my office, and she and I will head up from there. I don’t know how long we’ll be, but we’ll let you know when we’re done for the evening.”

“Alright then Maggie – I’ll head out now. And we’ll see you shortly.”

With that Jocelyn hung up the phone.

“Gee, you’d think she was in a hurry or something” Maggie said to herself in a very amused tone. “Ah well, it gives me a bit of extra time to go back over all of the test results and make sure I haven’t missed anything.”

Back in his room, Drew was deep in thought, unaware of all that was going on around him. He had been assimilating all of the information Karen and Maggie has been giving him, and thinking about everything he had been asked and how he felt about it.

“So” Drew mused out loud, “I am definitely not a transvestite, I am not a drag queen, and I don’t like boys. So where does that leave me?”

“Am I a transsexual like Cat? I really don’t know. I just feel like me. And ‘Gaby’ just feels like me. And I wonder what all those tests that Dr. Maggie was running will show. I’m sure I’ll find out once mum and dad get here.”

“Do I want to be a girl? Can I be a girl? What will happen to mum and dad? Will I be able to cycle? And how will Maddy and the gang handle this?”

“Oh, sugar! What about school?”

“Drew, you really need to figure some of this out before mum and dad get here. You know they’re going to be worried. Ever since Dr. Sanwari started running tests, my life has seemed to get weirder and weirder.”

“When I dress as a girl, no one sees Drew at all, they just see Gaby. And half the time when I am out as Drew, people just see Gaby. So what does that tell me? I mean, I know my body has been developing like a girl this past while, but that could be caused by a lot of things Dr. Maggie said. And what would mum and dad say if they saw that I’ve been developing boobs?”

“Mum and dad? What about Maddy and Brit? Those two are the ones that ensured that ‘Gaby’ would be here for the whole 6 weeks! And I’m mad at them for it because they never gave me the choice, they never let me be me. And they’ve been setting me up – I mean really, that meet up with Sam – I know that Maddy set that up. I just wish I knew why. And then treating me like shite in public, coz I like girls and don’t go after boys. You know, Mad says she loves you, but then treats you like garbage while you’re here and actually takes part in making this trip bloody hell. Lesbians are bad and are to be ignored and made fun of. And Brit was just as bad. Her and all of her snooty friends. Well, if I’m lucky, I won’t have to set foot in that school again.”

“And Em. Maybe I should just start calling her Rhod at school, and see how she likes being shunned. Bloody cheer team, wish I’d never bloody joined it. But I let Mad talk me round that too. I am glad I told Miss C that I was done with it. And that Gaby would no longer participate. I think she actually understood.”

“Everybody here except for Erin and Diane think you’re a girl and a lesbian. Not like I ever had any opportunity to tell them different. And I guess if I had, they would have thought I was a transvestite or something and treated me worse. If that were actually possible.”

Drew was now out of bed, just wandering around the room and talking. It was a relief in many ways to have all of it out in the open now. No more pretending, one way or the other.

“Jules has been the only one to look out for me here. I was mad that she had tricked me into dressing up, but maybe Dr. Maggie is right. Maybe she just wanted to see what a little sister looked like. And God knows Mad could have convinced her to let it happen too.”

“Sometimes I swear she’d make a bargain with the Devil himself to get what she wanted.”

“But how do you feel about being a girl? I mean, I guess it kinda comes down to that, doesn’t it old son?”

“Stay a boy and look feminine, or be a girl and look normal. Feel like I’m always hiding something, or constantly feeling like my skin doesn’t fit because everyone treats me differently. Mind you, if I was all Gaby, I wouldn’t be hiding anything would I?”

“And you know, if it wouldn’t hurt mum and dad or Jules, maybe being a girl wouldn’t be so bad. With any luck I could do the Tour Feminin at some point, and it would be funny for a girl to be Boy’s National Champion.”

“Yeah, I think I need to hear what mum and dad and the doctors say before I decide, but I wonder if it’s possible?”

Unbeknownst to Drew of course was the fact that Karen and Jenny and Dave had been observing all of this.

“Cat? A transsexual?” Jenny exclaimed “I would never have known.”

“Jenny, Dave…this is what Drew wanted to talk to me in private about. He doesn’t want to reveal her secret, as he doesn’t feel it right for him to tell anyone. And he said he wouldn’t have known either, if it hadn’t been that she figured out who Gaby was and she gifted him with her secret as a Mutually Assured Destruction trust thing.”

“Trans people seldom reveal their past unless they really trust that person, for fear of violence, ridicule and abuse. This young woman Cat showed a great deal of courage in telling Drew. And she could be a good mentor for him, if he chooses to fully embrace the female path. But Drew also worries that association with him could “out” her by association if he goes that way. Drew is thinking of the pain it would cause his friend. A very selfless child, your Drew.”

“You can see that Drew is trying to see a way where it would be possible to be Gaby without hurting her friends and family, and I think we need to help her find a way. Physically, it is really the only option, and I think psychologically, she has made that leap in her own mind over the past few weeks. I believe that it is only her concern for others that is holding her back. That, and her love for Maddy and how Maddy will react given what has gone on here in Grottoes the past few weeks. From the look of it, Maddy was quite fine with Gaby being her girlfriend until she was introduced to some of the intolerance so often found here in America. Now she seems to have gotten it into her head that it’s wrong. And I believe Carol and Maddy will need to work with a therapist back in England to help Maddy sort some of this out.”

“Well Karen, I don’t think it would be an issue for either Dave or I, personally or professionally. We want our child happy and whole. And like Drew was just saying, most people seem to take him for a girl as is. I know it wouldn’t be an issue for the team. What about at work for you Dave?”

“No, no problems for me either. Like Jenny said, Drew’s health and happiness is most important to both of us.”

“We know we have a fairly emergent surgical issue in regards to Drew. Something has to be done about the ovaries and uterus fairly quickly. Jenny, Dave…would you mind if I sent the MRI results and all of the bloodwork, and Maggie’s and my recommendations to a colleague of mine in Montréal? He is an SRS surgeon – Sexual Reassignment that is. I would like him to look over the packet and give me his recommendations, and a timeline of how fast he could see Drew if Drew does go this way. Because we already have somewhat of a good cover story to let the others go home and keep Drew ‘here’ for an extra couple of weeks. And your cycling team is doing a bit of a tour here aren’t they Jenny?”

“Yes Karen, the Team is doing a promo tour here for the next three weeks. And you’re right, we could keep Drew and Jules with us, and simply inform the school that they would be doing home study with me until they return. Introduce them to American history…..I know George wanted Gaby to work with the team. And I know he wants to talk to you too Dave. What sort of timelines are we talking about Karen?”

“Well, for standard SRS, Pierre has his patients at the hospital and residence in Montréal for 2 weeks before sending them home. In many respects this may be easier, in terms of invasiveness and healing, although a little more complex in terms of shaping and detail work. That’s part of why I would need to send him the package ASAP.”

“Well Dave, what do you think?” asked Jenny.

“Hmm…well, like you said, the Team is here doing the mini-tour and if I phone Michael Woods and tell him that the kids will be here with us for another couple or three weeks – assessing our position and Drew’s position in all of this – I doubt there will be any objections. Plus it’s Spring break-up – we have some time just from that. And I suspect that George doesn’t simply want to say hello to me. This could provide us all with some much needed family time. And besides, I would rather not subject you to another transatlantic flight so soon.”

“And didn’t Drew say he was supposed to race this weekend? With the local Grottoes team? It would probably be easy enough to slip away after that to Montréal after that if need be.”

“That’s true my love, he did say he was supposed to race. And you know, I just recently realized I have never actually seen him race. And I would love to tell him I am here to watch him race. Well…him or her. The mini-tour just happens to be convenient.”

“All right Karen, please contact him and send all the information. I think we need to know what all of our options are, so we can properly discuss this with Drew. When that information comes back; Dave, Drew and I can sit down and discuss it together.”

“Right then, let me slip down to Maggie’s office and get the wheels in motion. I’ll be back shortly.”

With that, Karen left the observation room to get that ball in motion. She was thinking how much of a difference a pair of proactive parents make. A set of parents that are more concerned with their child’s welfare than how this might affect them personally. A refreshing change from some of the families she’d had to deal with. And if they handled this right, there might just be a wonderful outcome for everyone.

As Karen walked into Maggie’s office, she was thinking of the paperwork she needed to send to Montréal – the MRI results and the report from Cindy; the blood work, genetics and androgen receptor study; and her psychological assessment.

“Maggie, do you have all the physical findings in a neat bundle that I can ship to Montréal? I want to send everything including my psych assessment to Montréal for review by an SRS surgeon there. I think we need to find out exactly what can be done, how soon, and how privately.”

“I thought you might want the surgical consult immediately Karen. Here it is, the complete file, including the medical records sent over from England, Cindy’s and my reports – everything. This should do the trick. You will of course let me know what the surgeon has to say.”

“Of course Mags, and thanks. I’m going to get your receptionist to fax everything to Montréal while I am phoning Pierre. I’ll join you back upstairs after I do that.”

Just then there was a knock at the door.

“Ah, that must be Juliette” said Maggie. “”Let her in on your way out please, Karen?”

“Sure, see you shortly.”

Karen picked up the bundle and headed for the outer office. Opening the door she showed Juliette in and told Jules she would join them all shortly.

“Ah Jules, glad you’re here. Why don’t you and I go up to where your parents are? Karen will join us right away, and then we can go and see Drew.”

“Oh yes, please. Is Drew okay? Is everything going to be all right?”

“Well Jules, I think so, but we’ll all discuss that together, okay?”

Once everyone had convened in the observation room, Karen was the first to speak.

“Jenny, Dave…like we discussed I have sent everything off to Montréal for evaluation. When I talked to Pierre and gave him a brief rundown, he said that he would make himself available for this whenever we needed him. We just need to give him 24 hours notice to re-arrange his schedule.”

“And Jules? You were at school today. Can you tell me how Drew’s friends reacted to him being in hospital? And do you know what was being said? Whether it was about Drew or Gaby?”

“Well anything that was said was about Gaby. No one from here seems to know any different, so I don’t think Brit has said anything. Not that I think she would after the rollicking Mr. and Mrs. W. gave her and Deb.”

“Most of the gang from Warsop was just treating it like another day, though. Which I found a little odd. It was like ‘Oh, Gaby’s sick and in hospital – okay’. Maddy was very quiet and Em didn’t say anything either. It was rather strange. But given the way she’s been treated here I wasn’t all that surprised I guess.”

“Could you explain that a little more, Jules? Drew made reference to it a couple of times, but didn’t get into any great detail.”

“We-ell. It all kind of started with Brit I guess. Besides making sure that Gaby was the one that had to be here, I mean. Early on, one of the boys was trying to get ‘friendly’ with Gaby, and Brit made a comment like ‘Don’t bother – she only likes girls’ and then she laughed. After that, things got rather unfriendly at school. I heard her called lesbian, and dyke, and other things; and people started avoiding her and not including her – including everyone from Warsop. Gabs said she overheard Brit one day on the phone saying to one of her friends that she knew that they didn’t want Gaby hanging out with them. I think the only time Gaby was happy here was when she was out on the bike with Erin and Diane and those guys. I know a few nights I heard her cry herself to sleep.”

“Ah, so as well as having to be Gaby, Drew was then socially outcast by everyone. That explains a few things as well. Thank you Jules.”

Dave and Jenny were sitting there in stunned silence as Jules recited what had happened to Drew. And they were getting angrier by the second.

“Well!” exclaimed Jenny. “I think we will be having a chat with Brit’s parents about this, and I know I am going to have a few choice words for the chaperones and Michael Woods when we get home!”

“Mum, Miss C did her best. She tried to help Gaby, she really did. She could see it was a real strain for her. But there wasn’t a whole lot she could do, without giving Drew away and making it even worse. I know she was disappointed when Gaby quit the cheer team after the competition, but she understood. And I heard she gave the cheer team a real dressing down for the way they treated Gaby, after she did everything to help them get there. Miss C is not to blame here, mum.”

“Well, I still want to talk to her about this whole thing before everyone goes home. And we will be talking to Britney’s parents about this. What that girl did was unconscionable!”

“But for now, let’s concentrate on Drew.”

“Well then” said Karen “let’s get you folks in there for a reunion with Drew. We’ll come in when you buzz the nurse’s station. Like I told you earlier, I want to be up front with Drew and we will tell him that you two were here observing for the last two days, and that it was at my request. And we can explain to him why. I know he’ll be angry because he has missed you terribly, but we’ll deal with that too.”

“So off you go, you three. We’ll turn off all of the observation devices and wait for your call.”

Jenny, Dave and Jules headed out the door and into Drew’s room. The two doctors saw him jump out of bed and hug his mum, then his dad, then Jules, and then there was a group hug. They turned from the observation window, and went and sat down.

“Now comes the difficult bit” sighed Karen. “I think we are about to crush some of Drew’s dreams. And while we may make room for some others, Drew will be a long time recovering from this. Especially from the treatment he received here.”

Back in Drew’s room, the family was having a much needed hug fest and cry. Jenny had Drew wrapped up in her arms and didn’t appear like she would let go anytime soon. They were now sitting on Drew’s bed, Drew snuggled into Jenny’s arms like a small child and she was gently rocking Drew back and forth.

“It’s okay pet, we’re here now. And we’ll get through this together, like a family.”

Dave and Jules had pulled up chairs close to the bed and were nodding in agreement, tears unabashedly streaming down their faces.

They were together, and a family again, and that’s all that truly mattered.

After a while, as Drew’s tears receded and he was able to get himself under some modicum of control, he looked up at his mum.

“I’ve really messed things up this time, haven’t I mum?”

“Oh Drew, no you haven’t. Things happen in life sometimes, don’t they? It’s like me saying that getting cancer was messing up things. It happened. And petal, I owe you and Jules and your dad a big apology for how I handled it. You have done the best you could, we love you and that’s what matters. No one could have done any more. ”