An Identity crisis isn't the same as having a crisis with your identities. In this instalment we finally find out just what HAS been going on. Events unfold including but not limited to: Sarah annoys a doctor (somehow) And Hannah awakens, in more ways then one.

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============
Too many memories, all pouring into my head!

Who am I?
Arista, Athena, Gwen.. Jennet?

No..
..my poor head..

My name..
My name..
I’m..

============
============

“Hannah”
The name came out as a choked off whimper for some reason but with it came a moment of clarity at last.
I shot up in bed and my eyes flew wide open.
Slowly they squinted down again in pain.
My hand came up to cup my aching forehead.
It feels like someone shoved my brain in sideways.

I closed my eyes tight and focused on breathing.
My mind keeps throwing images, memories and thoughts at me that aren't mine.
With a mental shove I managed to bottle it all off to the side.
It’s only temporary but it should hold for a bit.

Why the hell did I go through that?
It wouldn't stop!
Ugh..my heads still too fuzzy to think..
I sunk back onto the bed, through squinted eyes I could vaguely make out that I was in some kind of bland room.

A familiar snore near my arm made me jump.
Sarah.. it feels like so long since I last saw her.
..When DID I last see her?

..In the cell?
Her eyes burning angrily at me as she was warped to safety..
no, that’s not it.

Her crying her heart out while venting her pent up emotions at me in a deserted carpark?..
no..

Was she teasing me in a shoe shop?..
no..
well, she did but that’s not it either, that was years ago..

She stared at me with wide eyes standing on the garage floor in her nighty..
“oww..”
My hand came up to cup my forehead again.

I must still be waking up because my hand fell short and ended up smacking my nose instead.
“owwww”
Voicing it doesn't make my head hurt less but it always makes me feel better to complain, even if no-ones listening.

========

Eventually my eyes settled back on to Sarah’s sleeping form.
She’s in a wheelchair.
Why didn't I notice that before?
It looks like her foots in a cast, why does that feel familiar..

We can’t have been here long.
I can feel Sarah’s tight adventurer shorts cutting into my hips a little.
They tend to undress you in hospitals if you’re there for a while..

The shorts acted as some kind of trigger apparently, memories shot through my brain in rapid fire.

MAX! That insane bastard!
Who the hell even THINKS about using Old Magic to give someone a sex-change?!?
I woul-
No I wouldn’-
My hands squeezed tightly into the bedding wrapped around my waist.
My memories are too scrambled to think right now!

Okay..
Deep breaths Han, you can deal with this..
Anger and frustration don’t mix well with mages!
Options, think, breath..

John, my best friend since we were kids.. Max, my..

He had some new big plan, using Sarah to trick me with the Bindings of Bad Faith.
I escaped with Tor using a ‘Bulla warp’ spell, it was the only one I could reliably pull off with the Old Magic sitting so heavily on my core.
You always have to do teleport spells reliably, so much can go wrong otherwise..

“Kinda lucky, we didn't come out of it too badly. No lasting effec-“
My lower back flared with a burning pain.
I hissed and shifted my hand down to try and sooth it but the burn cooled quickly on its own.
‘You may never again lie about your feelings’
..oh, yeah.. THAT.
Damn you Max!

Wait..
I wasn't really voicing my feelings there though, was I? My opinions sure but..
Oh powers! Please don’t be..
“I think Chicken burgers are better than Beef Steak”

For a long moment I paused, waiting for the burn to come back but luckily it didn't.
It’s not my opinions then.. must be emotionally triggered?
I didn't care about that lie so it didn't trigger.
Old magic normally isn't about intent but if it’s looking to ‘ward’ me from lying about my feelings it would HAVE to have some kind of emotional trigger to it.
How to test-
“The capital of New York State is Long Island”

Another long pause.. Nothing.
Okay, so it’s not ALL lies either, just..
“um.. I am perfectly fi-AHH!”
My hand shot down to my lower back again.
It felt like someone was jabbing me with a hot poker!

My yell woke Sarah up with a jolt.
In seconds she was blindly trying to push me back down into the bed.
I frantically pushed to stop her, my back hurt too much to lay down again so quickly!
My arms latched to the bed’s side bars and I heaved my chest forward.
Sarah stopped trying to push me back.
She settled back in her chair, just blearily looking at me instead.

Slowly her brain seemed to be turning back on, she’s never has been good at waking up.

I glanced away, trying to look over my shoulder to get a better look at my new binding, while simultaneously trying to rub a hand over it to sooth the burn.
My hair got in the way a lot for some reason.
“Han?”
My shoulder twitched, carefully I turned back around to face her.

She was crying.
It looked like she’d been crying before I woke up too, her eyes were already rimmed in red.
Without another word she dived forward and hugged me tightly, I didn't hesitate to hug her back.

We sat there hugging for a while, I don’t know what she was thinking but my mind drifted a little.
I may just be insane but the hug felt weird..
A quick glance downward gave an answer for that.
Her breasts were pressed tight against mine..

That fact settled into my head for a few seconds..
Slowly, I was gearing up for a nice healthy scream, but the impulse eased the more I thought about it.
I’d been expecting the whole ‘being a woman’ thing.
Just kind of in denial really..
In the back of my mind I’d noticed and been cataloguing the differences since I woke up though.

That doesn't make it any less weird to feel Sarah squishing against my, now surprisingly sensitive, chest.
The hug felt weird too, even ignoring my sudden additional chest baggage.

I glanced back down again for a second and stared thoughtfully.
“Are my boob’s bigger than yours?”
Sarah tensed in my arms and I twitched with worry.

She started to squeeze me slightly too tight in warning.
With clenched teeth she turned her head to stare at me.
“I was just feeling glad you were awake little sister, don’t make me regret it”
I let out an indignant 'squark' and tried to move my pinned arms.
“Who you calling ‘little’?”
Sarah smirked at me for a moment..
..Then her face fell into a frown which made me a bit worried.
..Then her eyes got a bit misty and she looked really sad.

“Sare?”
She huffed to herself and moved one hand away from me so she could rub her eyes dry.
“I saw the camera footage of what happened. It didn't show much, Tor’s camera was facing the wrong way but the audio was pretty good”
I cocked my head to the side and considered her.
For some reason it feels like she’s trying to change the subject.
“What’s-”
She cut me off with a hand gesture.
“Who the hell was that guy, what was all that stuff he was saying about ‘Arista’, getting ‘married’ and ‘before’?”
My breath caught in my throat slightly.

For what felt like an eternity we sat staring at each other.

I coughed awkwardly and tried to divert the conversation.
“Where are w-”
Sarah growled at me in warning, the arm she still had around my waist tensed painfully.
“No, Hannah. We ARE discussing this!”
I groaned but couldn't exactly fight her off.
She’s always been stronger than me.

“What’s to discuss?”
I could already tell that wasn't going to work on her.

“Han.. I just got you back in my life”
She eased off her death grip on my ribs.
“I said I was sorr-“
The look on her face stalled any protests I could think of.
“You dumped me in the medi-bay, while you and Mum faced one of the worst Lich Kings of all time. Then hours later mum turns up by a high level dark magical teleport, looking like she was minutes from death..”
Her arms drooped and she stared at me, looking lost.
“I waited for you.”

She shifted her eyes uncomfortably.
After a moment she slid away from me to sit in her wheelchair better and folded her arms around her stomach defensively.
“I waited for days. No-one would tell me anything. Eventually K- He came to me, said you’d been commissioned and were busy on a mission but he wouldn't say anymore than that!”

========

The memories were fresh in my head, her nudges pushed me back in to them easily.

After the fire had burned down and the MPA troops found me fleeing the scene, I’d been put into treatment to help me handle my awakening.
It hadn't worked out like a normal one should have.
Instead of the memories merging into my subconscious, for some reason, mine had formed into individual entities in my head.
Every past-life I’d..
Every past-incarnation of Arista, had been shoved into my head and they wouldn't shut up!
The main theory seemed to be that, because I was male, the dissonance between my body and mind had disrupted the merging process.

Luckily most of my past-selves seemed to be relatively easy going, they tend to agree with me on most things.
A few though..
Arista herself was very outspoken at first, her rage against Max pushed painfully in my head.

One girl, Anise, she could be a real bitch.
She enjoyed mocking me if I messed something up and would swear at me in French if I offended her somehow.

And then there’s Theodora..
She was so annoying.. but I kind of felt sorry for her..
She was Greek, roughly sixth century if my maths is right.
Her and her times version of Max, who went by ‘Justinian’, were in love.
A messed up kind of love that, when I dare to dive into her memories even slightly, leaves me feeling ill.
Her ‘Justinian’ managed to keep her from breaking her memory seal for a LONG time, most of her life in fact.
He had years to work on her, and she was fanatical for him in return for his effort.
When he took over the Greek empire behind his father’s senile old back and that dear meddling cow Euphemia died, he made her his wife..
..His Empress.
He did so many things to her.. His poor little rabbit..

=========

“HAN!”
Sarah’s yell cut through my memory fit.
I shuddered hard and tried to smile for her as an apology.
I think it looked more awkward then anything, she certainly didn't seem moved by it.

“What the hell is going on? There’s something you’re not telling me and it caused all of this so just TELL ME!”
She slammed her fists into her knees in frustration.

I felt myself puff up haughtily.
Maybe it was just thinking about my past-selves, maybe it was one of them pushing me on but I felt a surprising amount of indignant rage at her.
How DARE she question me!

“Do you really want to know?” It came out as an angry hiss.
Sarah seemed surprised by my tone for a moment but hardened her face seconds later.
“YES!”
I huffed and tensed in annoyance.
“Fine..”

My eyes focused on hers and she flinched a little.
“FINE. You want it, you got it! I went through my awakening that night, gained all the memories of my past reincarnations.. and it went WRONG, I damn near lost my MIND!”
She flinched again, harder this time.
“It took me YEARS to get control again, on top of that I had missions to do for the Hub, on top of THAT I had to keep an eye on YOUR ungrateful ass!”

She shrunk back in her seat a little.
“I went through stuff that would drive a sane person mad, all to keep myself whole and it worked.”
I was breathing heavy now, my hands scrunched into tight fists.
“Edith taught me how to consciously access my mind-scape, and I dived in there.. It was a MESS!”

Sarah watched me with cautious eyes.
“There were more of them then I could count, all looking like you, all glaring at me!”
My shoulders shook a little.
I’d been terrified at the time.

“I challenged all of those self-entitled little TUMOURS to beat me.. and then I KICKED ALL THEIR ASSES!”
My fists slammed down hard on my legs which hurt surprisingly more than I’d expected.
I let out a hissed breath and shut my eyes tight.

“When I had myself back together.. I checked in on you, I never left yo-”
“you DID! I DIDN'T SEE YOU FOR YEARS! an-”
My eyes flew open and Sarah froze mid-rant.

I think some magic may have slipped out, she shouldn't have gone quite from just a look.
“I NEVER left you.. I couldn't be with you, Max-”
She looked confused.
“John, remember him? He’s a mage too, he’s the Maxarimus you heard in Tor’s video”
Her face scrunched up, after a moment she shuddered.
“That creepy friend of yours with all the motels? I KNEW there was something wrong with him.”

I didn't argue with her.
My anger was easing, I just felt kind of empty now.
“He was after me. I had to keep moving, and I had to keep him focused on me, so he wouldn't come looking for you or mum.. again”
Sarah stared back at me in worry.

“After..”
I gulped hard around a lump that had formed in my throat.
“After Karl..”
Sarah’s hand slowly came up to cup her mouth.
“After he died, I couldn't keep an eye on you from afar anymore.”
I shifted my hips awkwardly.
“So I came back and you SAID you’d forgiven me, I did the photoshoot and everything to pay for it..”
She flinched a little.

“We barely had time to talk between my work and yours. Then you had to go off for this new expedition and after two weeks of silence, I get a frantic call from some hospital in the middle of nowhere, Bolivia. Saying you were in a coma and they needed the next of kin!”
Her face went tight in pain.

“It was all a setup from Max, I guess you got that from the video..”
She sunk back in her chair a little more.
“He used you to get to me.. THIS is why I stayed away, and this is the result!”
I waved a hand at my new ‘rack’ for her inspection.

“AND to top it all off something weird’s going on.. I just went through something that felt suspiciously like a second awakening. My head hurts, and-”
I cut myself off, my eyes blew wide in surprise.

The voices?
I sent a mental shove into my mind-scape, that’s usually good to get a reaction from one or two of them at least.. nothing.

“oh crap..”
I stared at Sarah, she was watching me with equally worried eyes.
“Did I die?”
Sarah flinched hard.
Slowly, as if she was reluctant to accept it as reality, she nodded.
“oh..”

“Only for like, a few minutes. You collapsed, had a fit and when the fit was over you’d changed.. I..”
She trailed off looking guilty.
“I didn't know what to do. Tor woke up while you were in the fit and he saved you. Gave you CPR or something.. I dunno, it worked whatever he did. You had a pulse again”

I gulped hard.
That’s three times I owe him for saving me and Sarah..

“..then you didn't wake up and the doctors came rushing in, moved you here for observation..”
My back sunk deeper into the bed and pushed hard against the pillows.

“oh.. crap.. that.. that’s not good..”
Sarah looked a little annoyed.
I glared back at her, daring her to make a comment.
“Really not good, magic wise..”
My hand twitched slightly in response to the second mental shove I forced along my lines..
..Still nothing.

“Give me a minute, I have to check this out. If a doctor comes in shake me hard, it should be enough to wake me, okay?”
She didn't look happy, but she also seemed a bit worried about setting me off ranting again.

With a deep sigh I shifted back comfortably and pushed magic up from my core towards my brain, the line was easy to force by now, I've done it enough times at least.

The magic felt oddly cold but that wasn't important compared to what I was potentially facing.

==========

My mind-scape formed up fast, quicker than usual at least.
The bright endless space glowed with enough glare to make me squint but it was plainly empty.

“Where is everyone?”
Welcome to my mental core by the way, well.. sort of.
It’s complicated.

Basically, this big open white area is how my brain can process the extra-dimensional magic used as a buffer when an awakening happens and reincarnations kick in.
.. It’s like how my body can read a pressure wave from an overpowered spell as a ‘cold wind’..
Or that time I detected some thorax potion mixed into my meal because it made my ‘hair itchy’ to be near it.
Magic senses are weird like that.

For most people, they lose access to this space after their awakening, unless they train to keep it.
I probably wouldn't have lost my access with how messed up my awakening was anyway, but I got extra training to access it easier from Edith so that point is kinda moot now..
If you get good enough at this, you can change your mind-scape to something past the ‘default’ endless light look.
I could never get a hang of it.

Edith suggested that all the past-me’s in here were screwing up my control.
..well..
no..
What she actually suggested was along the lines of ‘Ya be too full to be shape’n girl’ and ‘Till ya can shut them all up ya be useless girl. Come, I be showing ya way’s’.

I've just gotten better at translating her grumbling over the years.

=========

I kicked a bright white rock hard across the endless white space.
Is it childish that I willed the rock into existence just so I could kick it?

My robes fluctuated and for a moment they shifted into a burlap set of peasant wear.
This lead to a quick cycling of different outfits, some more awkward then others.
That.. isn't good..
With a mental push I fixed my outfit back to my basic training robes.

Everything here is symbolic, most things in magic are honestly.
As Max pointed out, Arista’s.. I've always been a fan of sympathetic magic.
Sympathetic magic is like taking the idea of ‘magical symbols’ and working it into a science, an art!
I'm a natural at Sympathetic magic, Arista’s many lives worth of training in it help too, obviously.
..Maybe Sympathetic magic isn't the best way to explain symbols.. I tend to get a bit to technical with it all apparently?

Okay..
It’s like how I managed to change what happens when my magic flares with my emotions.
With the ‘default’ fire I originally produced, it was just a direct release of my basic magic built up and then forced out as flame.
Fire is my element, it symbolises me.
At my very core, I AM a fire user.
Fire users tend to fit within a certain personality profile.
..how to explain this.. uh.. okay..

Celtic myth puts fire within the ‘Arwen’, the triple flame, it had a few meanings to them but the relevant one to me from a magic standpoint was the ‘unification of polarities’..
Or more simply put a ‘balancing point’ between male and female.

Chinese myth placed fire as one of its key ‘trigrams’, it shows clarity of purpose, and independence.

The Nords used the ‘Ken’ rune for fire and strength, a symbol of positive action, passion and warmth.

Mayans had the ‘yajaw k’ak’, the held flame, as a point of ignition for magic.
In modern terms, one of the names for that system is a ‘locus point’.

There are other meanings.. but you get where I’m going with this right?

I'm balanced between male and female..
well, I was at least..
I'm independent in my actions and driven by my goals.
Usually to protect Sarah, as annoying as that is.
I'm passionate but with an excess of warmth, which tends to come out as me being a bit too forgiving to those I care for.
And.. I'm a locus point.
With access to a deep well of magic that can dwarf other users in comparison.
It’s not bragging, it’s just the way it works.

Edith still insists fire doesn't suit me but she won’t explain why.. irritating little female yoda that she is..

Anyway.. to get past all of THAT, my very nature as a human being, I had to play a bit of mental hopscotch to stop myself setting fire to.. myself.. with every flash of irritation.
Fire provides warmth.
To me the color orange is also warmth, its silly but if I had to describe orange I instantly think of ‘warmth’.
From that starting point I had to build up a mental connection between the two ideas.

Fire can seem orange at times if the flames right,
Fire can be dangerous, often warning signs for fire and volatility have orange in them,
Even the sun setting, it often shifts into orange hues,
The Egyptian ‘Bennu’ bird, the original source for the modern idea of a ‘phoenix’, they were known to build a nest of cinnamon twigs.. to me cinnamon twigs are orange looking.

It doesn't matter how obscure or awkward the connection is.
They are easy symbols to focus on for ME.
The more connections I could make between the two focus points, fire and orange, the stronger the symbolic link between them would be.
After locking all that in my mind, all it needed was a little magical push to seal the connection in my brain.
Now if I get angry or embarrassed, I don’t set myself on fire like I did at first.
I turn things orange, plants in a jungle or my own fingernails for example?

So.. getting back to my original point.
My body in my mind-scape, it’s a symbol too, just like the color orange I use to stand in for the fire.
That’s why it’s bad if my mental image of my body start to shift wildly.
It’s a mental representation of ME.
My training robes are close to gender neutral, close enough that it didn't set all the other ‘me’s’ off ranting in anger at me for showing ‘a lack of feminine grace’ or ‘no decorum’ at least.

My outfit changing from that neutral..
Specifically when, now that I think about it, I recognised some of those outfits from the many iterations of ‘girls’ who used to reside in here with me.. is NOT a good sign.

“Hello?.. Hellooo”
No-one answered obviously.
It’s kind of hard to hide in a stark white endless room, so I’d expected it, but I needed to make some noise to stop from spiralling off in thought..

The important question here is.. where are the other ‘me’s’?
It feels weird to not have a committee of girls, who look like my sister, shouting at me by now.
I never thought I’d reach the point where NOT having them in here would be off putting.

“Okay, don’t panic”
This is just like the time when Philippe accidentally awoke my-
..That’s not right.
..That’s not MY memory. That’s definitely from Anise!
The bitch in the red cloak that kept swearing at me in French if I did something socially awkward!
Well, I shouldn't call her a bitch.. she may have been annoying, but she reminded me so much of my Gabriel I could forgive her a-
..no.
THAT memories from the roman chick who burned down the-
yes.. uh..
Let’s just say it wasn't MY memory either and not go into more of HER actions, okay?
..I've never met anyone called Gabriel anyway.

Well.. no..?
I HAVE actually, now that I think about it.
There was that cute-y who paid the madam for my services and then spent the whole time sobbing about his wife..
oh! And that Doofus in Duffus, Scotland.. he was pretty cute too.
Maybe all Gabriel’s are cute?

===========

“FOCUS!”
I shook my head hard to drive the memories back and gain some control again.
It helped a little but not for long. They keep pushing in, almost like..
..oh no..

How did it taken me this long to work it out?

Last thing I remember, the old magic.
Max that incompetent BASTARD!
He actually managed it, he used the old magic to turn me female in body..
..and I died in the process..
..and then I was brought back by Tor.

THAT’s why I've been tortured with a rolling mass of my own memories!
THAT’s why all the mental representations of my past-lives are missing!
They’re still here.. all of them.
IN here, IN my head.
We merged.
We merged completely..
Holy crap! I went through an awakening again!
I died, the old magic killed me.
I died, and it rebuilt my body to its whims..
Then Tor revived me and I instantly went through an awakening!

Am I even me anymore?
I barely was before, with them all in here and all the pressure, being Hannah felt more comfortable then Alistor ever could..
Maybe I should be happy?
The shattered existence we maintained for the last few years wasn't healthy.
Papa Nico would be glad. He always-

THAT!
That’s what has me worried!
The memories are so easy to reach.

They've always been there, even before my awakening they were affecting me.
I can see it now.
It’s so obvious, I don’t know why I couldn't see it before.

I think that’s why I was so ‘special’ as a kid..
How many six year olds can you think of that can speak at least three obscure languages like a native?
How many four year olds can you think of that have issues with accidentally using accents and words from places and languages they've never heard of?

Sarah always joked that I was picking up stuff from John when I slipped English slang into my words.
His stupid British accent thing, we wrote it off as his influence and ignored it, but that isn't how it works.
He was trying to cover it up to fit in better when we were kids, not mimicking his mum’s accent.
Of course John would speak like a born Brit, he had his full awakening at the age of six!
From what I can see from the memories, Max’s last few incarnations have all been English.

The Declaration of independence was only signed a few hundred years ago.
Most of the upper classes enjoyed the comforts of London too much to face the harsh lands of the ‘new world’ for a century or so after that.
I can only think of ONE other incarnation I'VE had that was born in the USA, let alone Max.

Does that make me part-British too?
I've definitely clocked in enough years to get citizenship, technically at least.
Well.. Scottish I guess..
England was only settled by the romans about fifteen thousand years ago.
Before that most of Arista’s incarnations were Celts.. for a while at least.

So technically I've lived two.. one and a half maybe, lifetimes as a citizen of the great US of A.
Through my past-lives.. I've lived SO many of them in Scotland, a fair few of them in the rest of Britain.
Hell, I've hit up most of Europe more than I've lived in the USA from these memories.
Greece, Rome, Egypt, Germany, and Gaul.
Before written language, mass market and feudal kings it’s even harder to work out where my incarnations lived..

Arista, the original shaman Arista, her people were nomadic.
I can’t be sure but I think they were from somewhere near Norway, winters were cold and long, summers stifling with short days.
Their spoken language matches up quite well with a few of the Proto-Germanic ones I can think of too.

Putting it all together like this, it’s pretty amazing that anyone with my shear MASS of past-lives could speak English at all?
I've got more experience speaking Old Norse then I do English stuffed in my head!

I'm pretty sure the awakening used my brain to provide some kind of ‘Rosetta stone’ for the languages so I could understand them easier when needed.
I can think about events in my past-lives but they play out in English when I do, even when I KNOW that wasn't the language being spoken!
When I read languages that a past-incarnation knew how to read, it tends to just look like English to me too, unless I focus on it.

With John.. he awakened at the age of six.
So much life experience and learning dumped on the shoulders of a child.
He’s got more lives in his head then I do!
The only thing keeping him sa..
Well okay, he's not really ‘sane’ but the only thing that could have kept him from going off on a murder rampage across every state of America one of these days must be the fact that his awakening went off normally.
Just thinking about how badly things could have gone if he had been born with a different sex to his past-selves makes me shudder.
It’s bad enough when I'm going through it, and I'm sane.. if you ignore the whole ‘voices in my head’ thing at least.

No wonder he’s more Max then John, how could he not be?
He’s become more ‘Max’ as time’s gone on too..
Back when we were kids, he wasn't perfect, he’d slip up a lot trying to hide everything.
Having a fresh perspective on it, I feel a bit stupid for not putting things all together sooner.
It’s not just the language stuff either!
I walked in on him casting a minor scrying ritual once and he told me to ‘bugger off!’.
..then he waved his hands and wiped my memory of it..

Oh..
I have THOSE sealed memories back too, I guess?..
All the ones he sealed over the years to keep me from realising he knew magic.
Maybe that’s why I didn't put it together before?

This all feels really weird..

I can’t tell where I end and THEY begin, ALL of them, these other unlocked memories are just making things even more confusing!
So many lives, so many woman, so different from me but in so many ways completely the same.
All shoved in my head..

=========

“F-O-CUS!”
Shaking my head to get some clarity again worked for a moment.
I forcefully pushed back the flow of memories that were jumping to distract me and slowly sunk to my knees.
It took longer than I would have wanted to slide into meditation stance.

I need to sort this out.
If I don’t get a handle on it soon, I’ll lose myself to.. my-selves?..
…Reincarnation is awkward on pronouns.

With one more deep breath for courage, I forced my mind deeper into my true core.
Maybe if I find..
I could..
it should work?.. maybe..

===========

She blinked at me oddly.
I stared back.
Her clothes looked weird.
Like she’d raided the mix’n’match historical bin at a costume shop.
Who wears a full 16th century nobles petticoat under an off the shoulder toga?

Apparently not her, just me thinking about it was enough to set her clothes shifting again.
She frowned at me as if it was my fault.

It kinda is, I guess.
She’s me.
Well.. Part of me.
I think she’s always been here?

You know how, if you try to split your attention between two tasks really hard and then focus back on one single task straight afterwards, you feel a bit disorientated for a moment?
She’s that.. but with magic.
Magic makes everything more complicated..

She was probably made as a kind of a defence mechanism by my brain to protect me from Arista’s influence.
Instinctive magic like that is always unreliable and chaotic.

She wasn't here when I arrived earlier, it took diving deeper into my core to bring her back out.

I think she got mixed in with all the other girls at one point, before the merging happened.
It’s hard to tell.
Naturally she looks the same as them, they all do.
All incarnations of Arista seem to have looked like the ‘original’ Arista.

While Arista looks a lot like Sarah, there are still differences there.
If anything I'm the odd one out in here.
Looks wise we were mostly the same. Same skin tone, hair color, eyes.
I was taller than the rest were, a bit older too, sharper face, shorter hair..
Really, I look more like Sarah then Arista ever did.
There’s a reason we could still easily swap places afterall..

Honestly the biggest difference between THIS girl and Arista’s ‘army’ is that I made her, sort of.
She’s not a past-life being shown to me as a person, because of my broken mind-scape.
She’s part of me!

We, me and Sarah, we named her ‘Hannah’.. ages ago.
We didn't realise it at the time but it worked, she’s part of me, my feminine side given form.

========

“You gonna be okay?”
She tilted her head at me, an odd mix of emotions playing across her face.
I shrugged apologetically.

The easiest way I could think of to handle an overload of past-lives was to shift them on someone else.
It’s an old mage trick, to prepare for a possibly dangerous reincarnation event.
I don’t know why no-one’s ever mentioned it to me at the Hub actually.. it’s pretty useful.

..I guess.. maybe they don’t know about it?
I picked it up from a few of my past lives, mostly the old ones.. the REALLY old ones..

She.. I need to find a new name for her.
I can’t call her ‘Hannah’, that could get confusing quickly.
Can’t call her ‘Arista’ either.
She has the looks for it but I've already got several of THOSE in my head already.
That would just take confusing to the next level!
Well.. more confusing than a metaphysical representation of my divided attention given the form of my feminine side with magic at least.. Is that even possible?
My head hurts again just thinking about it!

She doesn't need a name really, she’s just a part of my psyche.
I've got more important things to deal with at the moment then what do I call the imaginary girl in my brain!

It just feels kind of rude to not give her a name, ya know?
It’s not like she’s a different person or anything.

She’s me, but she’s got her hand on the filter control, holding back all the memories I can’t handle.
Basically, I split part of my mind off so it could focus completely on keeping my past memories from getting in the way of being.. well.. me?

The last thing I need is to be talking to someone as Al and suddenly slip into a feminine aristocratic old-English accent.. or Gaelic.. or Nynorsk..

Although..
With Max’s little ‘old magic sex-change’ trick having worked, I guess the feminine side of it won’t be as big of an issue..
yay for plus sides, I guess?
Okay..
Now I'm a little depressed..

==========

Ha-
HER, she sighed at me in sympathy and waved her arms around.

Trust a part of my mind to use twin speak to talk.

She waved her arm again and slapped me on the shoulder for attention.
She’s right, we need to find a better solution to this.
I've heard horror stories of people holding back their past-lives by force and it never ends well..
Often it ends with mental institutes and lots of drooling.

I felt another sharp slap on my arm.
A glance at her gave me nothing more than a confused shrug.
Who would be..
Yet another sharp slap almost jolted me forward.

Oh.. Sarah.
Doctors must be doing the rounds?

I gave HER another apologetic look.
She shrugged it off.
Of course she did, she’s me..

With a bit of mental force I shoved myself back into the real world.

=========

“See, I told you she woke up”
Sarah sounded smug.

I groaned for effect, blinked my eyes open and glanced around curiously.
The hospital room, suspiciously similar to the one Sarah had been in before, was pretty generic.
It’s much easier to take in when my brain isn't tearing itself apart, looks like ‘Inner-Hannah’ is doing a good job holding things back already.

We’re definitely in a hospital; off white walls, wood paneling, retro-linoleum flooring.
No TV, so not a private room, some kind of room specifically made for coma patients maybe?
..Would a hospital even have something like that?..

“So I see, thank you for being so.. thorough in informing me of that fact Ms.Cooper”
The doctor was old, really skinny in his baggy suit and lab coat.
He was a little taller than Sarah, which isn't saying much for a man, with drooping shoulders and greyed hair.

One of his bushy eyebrows rose up at Sarah and for a moment I was reminded of the male Sib’s with their huge puffball eyebrows.
It must be the color?
No-one can match the Sib’s for crazy eyebrows otherwise!

He didn't look amused about whatever Sarah had been doing to cover for me while I ‘woke up’.
Probably not a good start..

“Now young lady, your sister has been very worried about you.”
He squinted at me thoughtfully.

I don’t like his eyes, he looks a bit too smart to be trusted.

“This may seem indelicate but allow this old man his eccentricities..”
His voice was surprisingly smooth and soothing, like a favoured grandparent.
Oddly, it made me want to trust him less to be honest, a smart doctor with a good bedside manor can be dangerous if you’re hiding something..
Hiding something big; like a sudden emergency teleport into a coma patient’s room, followed by the coma patient magically waking up and you magically slipping into an 'awakening' induced coma in response.
Just as a random example..

“Are you Anorexic?”
My eyes went wide.
Sarah snorted to my side, which didn't help at all.

The doctor squinted at us both again and seemed to lose some of his tension, just from our reactions.
“You’re under-weight for your age.. fainting spells like yours, they don’t tend come on without a source..”
He glanced over at Sarah suspiciously but flicked his eyes back to me.
“When was the last time you ate something?”

I shrugged slowly.

How should I know?
Depends how long I was out for really.
We were in a bit of rush to get to the jungle, my sisters life being on the line and all so.. a few days?
I think I had something on the train when we left the hospital.. maybe?

“Any answer which isn't ‘just before I came to visit my poor sister, Doctor Rischard Sir’ would be an incorrect one”
I looked up at him guiltily.
He didn't look angry, more amused than anything.

“Either way, don’t do it again. Your EEG was a bit frantic for a while but overall you settled into normal sleep just fine.”
He smirked a little at Sarah.
“Like your sister, you apparently just couldn't seem to decide if you wanted to stay unconscious or wake up.. who knows it could be genetic?”
I glanced at Sarah and she cringed a little.
There’s a story there I think..
“Just let me-“
The doctor shuffled over to me and pulled a penlight out of his top pocket.

His surprisingly strong, wrinkled hand came up and turned my head slightly.
The penlight flashed in my eyes a few times while he made considering noises to himself.
Finally when my eyes had teared up to the point that I couldn't see anything, he let me go.

“Normal enough, drink lots of fluids-”
He shot a sharp look over at Sarah.
“- make sure she eats, don’t leave her in the care of that Tor fellow again. He obviously can’t look after her properly”
Sarah cringed again and I felt a bit annoyed.
Tor’s a nice guy, he-
He brought me back to life!
He didn't do anything wrong, how DARE this-

The old doctor waved away any further conversation and turned his back on me.. I mean on us!

“You’re clear to leave, I advise you both visit your family doctor for a check-up when you get back to the states. Your company’s already paid for your care Ms.Cooper, your sister.. I’ll let slide. At my age, you can tend to forget little things..”
He glanced over his shoulder at us with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“Some dear girl fainted quite badly? Certainly, she reminded me of my granddaughter! ..Such an enthusiastic little girl that one-”

His eyes scrunched thoughtfully and he continued walking to the door while carrying on as if he was having a conversation where someone had just interrupted him.
“-medical care costs you say?.. Really? I don’t remember that. I'm sure she was perfectly well when I saw her. She reminded me of my granddaughter you know..”
He trailed off as he rounded the corner of the door.

Despite my anger at him over his Tor comments, I had to quickly force down a giggle.
As he turned right at the door to walk up the hallway, I caught just a brief flash of his warm grin.
Cheeky old man!
He may have been a bit of an ass about Tor, but it was nice of him to not make a fuss over me at least..
Definitely too smart for his own good though!

Turning back to Sarah I had to bite down a full laugh.
She looked less amused then I was by his play acting, more flustered and confused than anything else.

“Surprisingly nice, for a doctor at least?”
Sarah gave me a mild glare but eventually huffed and nodded instead of arguing.

==========

“TOR!”
He smiled awkwardly at me and squeezed his bulk through the doorway.

“How’s your head, Boss?”
I smiled a little and he tentatively moved closer to the bed.

“Missed ya big guy, Sarah told me about..”
He grimaced.
“yeah.. thanks”
His mouth morphed into an awkward smile and he nodded at me happily.

“Anyway..”
I trailed off to break the potentially sappy moment.
“I’ll be fine, my head aches but most of the pains gone, how’s yours?..”
For a moment I resisted but it wouldn't stay unsaid.
“..want me to rub it better?”
I leaned back in the bed seductively and batted my eyelashes at him.

Tor made an amusing ‘snerk’ noise of disapproval and blushed brightly.
Sarah gasped and slapped me on the arm hard.

“What? You know he’s cute”
Sarah glared at me.
I winked back at her knowingly and she quickly gained a blush equal to Tor’s.

“uh..”
My head swivelled back to Tor, he’d apparently gotten control of himself again.
“I don’t think that really appropriate anymore..”
My eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

Sarah sucked in a breath sharply.
It may not have been intentional, but it got my attention anyway.

She looked really worried about something.
“What?”
She shook her head a little but moments later her shoulders slumped and she let out a reluctant sigh.
“You changed Han”
I squinted at her in annoyance.
“..well duh?.. Old magic does that to ya apparently..”

She cringed and shook her head a little.
“Not that, you CHANGED..”
A growl came from the back of my throat in frustration.

With surprising ease I pushed myself out of the bed to face her better.
It’s impossible to show proper levels of annoyance while laying down!

She glared at me in warning, seemingly a bit annoyed at my ‘over-reaction’.
With a lot more effort than it took me, she pushed herself up from her wheelchair into a wobbly standing position.

I paced a step closer to her, bringing us close enough that we should have been nose to nose..
..then I looked up from her chin, into her eyes instead?..

Her sad eyes made me flinch hard and collapse backwards on the bed again.

“Crap..”
Sarah nodded dejectedly. Slowly she hobbled her way over to sit next to me.
With gentle movements she brought her arm around my shoulder in a hug and squeezed tightly.

“Crap..”
She rubbed her chin in my hair soothingly but didn't comment.
I squinted at the wall and growled.
“Max, you son of a bitch..”

==========

“La, la, la, I'm not listening, la, la, la”
With less effort then it would have taken her normally, which wasn't much to start with honestly, she yanked my fingers out of my ears and glared at me.
“Be rational Han. You can’t ignore this.”

I shrugged her arms off of me and moved away from the bed.
With a dramatic spin I came back around to point at her with a flourish.
“I'm being rational! The rational thing to do in this situation is put my fingers in my ears and pretend it’s not happening. YOU’RE the one being irrationally calm!”
Sarah just sat there gaping at me in surprise.

“I will NOT accept being the little sister!”
She cringed and looked apologetic

“I barely accepted being the sister, I-“
My arms went limp and I could feel myself tearing up.
“What the hell happened?.. Is it bad?”

Sarah shuffled forward a little and gave my arm a tug until I stumbled into her full reach.
With seemingly no effort at all she turned me around and sat me on her lap.

“It could be worse”
I cringed hard this time.
That’s never a comforting phrase.

“At a guess, you just look.. eighteen?”
She didn't sound convinced of that number.

My eyebrow popped up challengingly.
“Twenty-one”
Sarah growled and shook me a little.
“I was being generous with eighteen”
I growled and shoved her backwards a little in retaliation.

“I am NOT waiting another three years before I can have a bloody drink!”

Sarah sighed and leaned foward to rub her chin on my head again.
“Don’t think your gonna have much of a choice Han..”
My eyes got a little tighter and I fisted my hands in my lap.
“I'm a mage. I’ll fake it if I have to..”
We both fell silent at that one.

I clenched my eyes shut tighter and my shoulders started to shake.
“We’re not twins anymore..” my voice hitched slightly in pain.
Just voicing the thought we’d both been trying to keep quite broke us.
Tears poured down my cheeks and Sarah hugged me tight, her whole body shaking in rhythm with mine.

===========

Someone opened the door behind us loudly.
I turned my head away from Sarah’s warm hug and glanced at the invader.

She looked like a nurse.
She was wearing scrubs instead of a long white coat, that’s a nurse on TV at least.

“Oh, sorry to interrupt, are you almost done? We have a patient due up here in an hour, the room needs cleaning”
I could feel Sarah shrug her shoulders but she didn't respond, leaving the choice up to me.
“Yeah, we’re done.”

Sarah’s arms reluctantly came loose from around my waist and she let me stand up.
“Sorry, we lost track of time”
The nurse smiled at me.

Tor stood up from his chair in the corner.
I jumped back in surprise.
I’d forgotten he was there, for such a big guy he can be really quite apparently.

He stretched his back with a loud pop.
“I’ll go get the car and meet you both out front?”
Sarah struggled up to her feet, awkwardly balancing with the cast.
“Sure, see you in a minute”
They both shared a smile.

I felt a little awkward, like I was interrupting something just standing there for some reason.
The moment broke and with one more nod to me, he made his way out the door.
Seconds after he was out of sight Sarah sighed and limped her way over to her wheelchair.

“He knows your injured you know, no need to hide it”
She glared at me and pointed to the handles at the back of the wheelchair.

“I just don’t want him to think I'm weak, he’s surprisingly protective..”
I tried but couldn't quite cover my smirk.
Normally I’d put it down to her being dense about this sort of thing but the feelings I got from the sympathetic bond I formed with her when we went after ‘el diablo’ told a different story.

As the old saying goes, ‘De-nial ain't just a river in Egypt’.

“What are you smirking at?”
She puffed up defensively and pouted.
A memory of a much younger Sarah giving me the exact same pout made me smile a bit wider.

“You never change Sare”

I moved behind her and gave the wheelchair a shove.
It caught me off guard by moving a lot easier than I would have expected.
“You lost weight?”
Sarah grunted in annoyance and turned her head to pout at me more.
“Don’t think compliments will get you off the hook.. little sister”
I sighed and lowered my head slightly.
“You’re enjoying this aren't you?”

She turned back around to face the door and shrugged.
“No, I hate it.. but we have to deal with the hand we’ve got.”
She turned her head around a little and stared at me seriously for a moment.

With a practised flip of her hair she turn forwards again and slipped easily back into her more teasing tone.
“So suck it up little sister, I'm injured and you have to be nice to me”
Another sigh escaped me but I felt better knowing I wasn't the only one who was hurting from my change.

“Fine, fine. Com’ on Sare”
I pushed us out the door and down the hall to the main reception.

==========

Sarah staggered into the hotel room on her new crutches.
We tried to help open the door for her but she got all huffy and independent about it.
Tor looked a bit annoyed but I just chalked it up to Sarah being Sarah.

“Dib’s on the bathroom”
I slipped around Sarah and made for the door on the far side.
She grunted at me and flopped down on one of the beds with a sigh.

For a moment I paused and squinted at her, just checking to make sure she was okay.

Tor came staggering in the front door with our bags, huffing loudly.
He’d refused to let us carry them.. the macho idiot.
With a sigh I let it go and stepped into the bathroom.

The moment I realised what was in front of me I froze.
A mirror.
Sitting innocently above the sink.

“Crap”
It came out as almost a whimper.

Standing in the mirror was a girl I recognised.
I’d seen glances of her in windows and glass as we made our way here but a mirror could apparently tell such a different story.
She looked a lot like Sarah.. only shorter, with less muscle, longer hair trailing to just below her shoulders and a face that held a bit too much baby fat to suit her lithe frame.
The baby fat is the part that annoyed me most, it made her face look more childish then it should.
I can see why Sarah figured I looked so young now..

“Arista..”
That’s who she was, I’d recognise that face anywhere.
I've seen multiple versions of it for years now.
In my mind-scape.
In my memories..
“..crap”

How the hell am I going to get a flight home looking like this?
The resemblance is close, close enough to assume I'm related to Sarah at least.
There’s no way someone could confuse this face with Sarah’s though.
Her kid sister maybe..

I squinted hard at the mirror and she squinted back at me.
“You’re going to make this difficult, aren't you?”
For a moment I expected her to answer, tiny adventurer shorts and loose necked T-shirt aside, she looked like one of my past-selves.
I'm used to them giving me angry looks.

..maybe I could..
Memories started surfacing as needed.
Inner-Hannah was obviously doing her job well.
She must be searching the mass of life experience and cherry picking the useful parts for me.
I know she’s not real and everything but I feel grateful to her anyway.
I REALLY need a new name for her now, I'm starting to feel guilty..

The memory flow settled down and I couldn't help but smirk.
Clever, really clever.

I need to get back to the States.
Height and weight aren't important.
Everyone puts on or loses weight compared to their passport numbers, it’s not like they’re gonna weigh me anyway.
I’ll wear heels to the airport for a height boost too.
My figure should be a non-issue as well.

While I definitely don’t have a ‘man’s’ shape anymore, I didn't really have one to begin with.
I'm a little bit curvier then Sarah now, judging by how her adventurer shorts are cutting into my hips slightly and.. well.. we noticed that I have slightly bigger breasts then her in the hospital..

..this is getting awkward already..

Anyway!
My point was that passports have a headshot on them, not a full body photo.
So my biggest problem is this face, Arista’s face.

Good thing I'm a mage right?
An awakened mage with millennia of life experience dealing with magic to assist me as well!

========

I turned away from the mirror with a minor glare for the girl in it.
I may have lost a lot in the last few days but I will NOT lose my face!

When I stepped back into the main hotel room Sarah looked over at me with worry.
She was spread out on the left-hand side bed, still fully dressed.
She looked a little tired but the worry came through the clearest at the moment.

I shrugged at her, offering a weak smile.
It seemed to calm her a bit.
I can understand why, I wouldn't want to face me if I was angry either..

“How’d it go?”
My eyebrow perked up at her and she blushed a little.
“First time you.. ya know.. did ya make a mess?”
A laugh burst out of me and she blushed harder.

“Sorry”
I choked back the laugh, it was getting a bit hysterical in pitch.
“Sorry, no, I didn't.. uh..”
Her eyebrow went up challengingly at me.

“..use the facility’s..? I got caught up on the mirror”
She seemed to accept the euphemism easy enough and frowned at the mention of the mirror.

“You gonna be okay?”
I smiled at her instead of answering.
With her ever watchful eyes trained on me, I made it over to my backpack and got my notebook out.
Sarah looked interested but held off commenting for now.

I settled on the spare bed and awkwardly tried to move into meditation pose.
My joints seemed a lot more flexible and willing to move into the right place but my shorter legs made me mess up once or twice before I got it right.
When I finally got everything sorted I cracked open the notebook to a new page and started everyone’s favourite part of higher level spell design, the math work.

“Really?”
My head shot up to look at Sarah curiously.
She rolled over onto her stomach and qwerked an eyebrow.
“That’s it? You saw yourself for the first time, so you come back in here and do math?”
I shrugged, dipping my head back to the notebook instead of looking at her.

“It’s temporary, I’ll fix it somehow. It’s not like I've never seen this face before anyway”
Sarah made a curious noise in response.
After a moment of consideration I sighed and put my pen back down.

With a wiggle to get in position, with the memories coming forward to aid me, I straightened my back and gave Sarah a somewhat regal look of disdain.
“I am Lady Arista Montrose, third duchess of Montrose, contact to his majesty’s court for the burgh of Angus, Scotland”

My shoulders sloped down to look a lot less confident.
“Beggin’ ya’ pardon miss, Arista’s me name. Would ya be wantin’ th’ tea served soon?”

I shifted my hips and drew myself up in indignation
“Zis.. dwelling ees.. less zen befits one of my station, Dégoûtant! Girl, go find your mast’air and tell ‘im I wish for a room befitting to ze Noblesse Uterine! Vite Vite!”

Sarah’s mouth had dropped open and she stared at me in wide eyed shock.
I gave her a weak smile and shrugged defensively in return.

“When I died, even though it only lasted a minute or two, the old magic got to work. It had to make me female and, as I've come to realise, there hasn't been a single incarnation of Arista before me who didn't look exactly like this.. even the French one..”

My head cocked to the side in consideration.
“Well no, actually there was this one that lost an eye.. ..Oh, and one who had facial scaring from smallpox! and one-“
Sarah waved her hand for me to stop.

She took a deep settling breath and let it out slowly.
After a moment more of considering my face she seemed to decide to not voice the question she had brewing, whatever it was, going for an easier question instead.
“..and the math?”

I relaxed a little at the diversion and let my posture slip back to normal.
“I'm making a custom disguise enchantment for my face. It should be enough to fool most normal people, so I can get a flight home with my passport”
She looked confused.
“Only your face?”
I shrugged and picked my pen up to start writing again.

“Illusions are normally quick and dirty magic. More force of will then anything else, I need this one to last for as long as possible.”
I ticked off a few numerals to eliminate the unneeded spell casting routes.
“Making it an enchantment rather than a spell will extend its life span by a few hours but I need the conversion matrix to somehow.. shift the illusions focal point.. if I don’t, the first time I touch cold metal it will bleed off magic like a tap on full blast.”
I crossed a few more Al-Tughrai Squares off and considered the numbers in front of me for a second.

“The less space I have to cover with the illusion the longer I can extend the life span, if I wear baggy clothes and some beefy platform boots, we should be able to pull it off.”
I flipped my new, too long, hair out of my face and smiled a little.
“It’s not like Bolivia is known for its tight and stringent airport security. When we get back into the US, I’ll just slip away and warp past the security desks”
Sarah sighed but nodded in understanding.

======

“Couldn't you warp home from here?”
I cocked my eyebrow at her and frowned to give an impression of just how much of a stupid idea that was.
She huffed defensively.
“How should I know? You’re the mage”

She kind of had a point.. and technically, I probably COULD warp back to the US.
I shouldn't though.
That much magic released without warning is bound to attract attention AND, as far as most non-awakened mages know, warping a distance longer than a mile or so without a waypoint is too dangerous to consider.
It IS too dangerous after all.. for them..
For an awakened mage though?
There’s a bit more power we can put behind it.

Especially with me, I'm a locus point after all..
I think I mentioned that before?
Basically, my core can draw in magic from the local environment to ‘refill my tank’ so to speak.

Not much research has been done into locus points, I've never met someone else who is one.
Most of them apparently don’t spread the fact that they are one around.

Understandable really, so much dark magic can get a power boost from using a locus point as a sacrifice.. let’s not even get into necromancy or Lich animation!
From what the ‘general public’ knows, locus points are basically walking layline conduits.
It’s a close enough comparison for most situations that matter.
Laylines just kind of gravitate towards me if I get too close, most magic does really, although that’s a little less obvious.. and less dangerous.
I can do some REAL damage if I go near a building built to draw power from laylines, I know that much for sure.

One mission, a few years ago when I’d just started working for Hub G-0, after my awakening.
The idiot mage I was hunting made his WHOLE base’s defences tap directly into the layline hub it was built on!
I was meant to take him in for questioning but I barely got within half a mile of the place before the entire base just IMPLODED into this TINY cube, about the size of my FIST!
The building, his equipment, his staff and him. All of it just.. BOOM, cube sized.

The thing was unsurprisingly heavy to move when I went to retrieve it.
I felt kind of silly having to cast multiple levitation spells just to move it an inch.

In the end I made a rough enchanted holder for it that would eliminate gravity’s pull on anything it contained.
Even then the thing weighed too much for me to pick up without magic.
I dunno WHAT he was doing in there but SOMETHING had to be messing with time and space for it to have any weight at all while held in my custom built holder for it.
Either that or I messed up the math in making it, but honestly, the chances of that are slim.

One of the R’n’D mages confiscated the cube from evidence later apparently?
I think he wanted to see if he could reverse engineer the protective enchantments to see what went wrong.
Last I heard he’d given up in disgust and was using the thing as an unmovable paper-weight.

..R’n’D people are weird..

=========

“Whatever”
I flicked my head up to Sarah and shrugged at her apologetically.

She wasn't really angry, she knows what I'm like if I start thinking about something.
It’s going to be even worse for a while too, all these memories in my head, being barely held back by my ‘Inner-Hannah’.
If she wasn't doing such a good job of it I'm pretty sure I’d be lost to the world at this point.

With a sigh Sarah rolled over on her bed and started searching for the TV remote.
I was tempted to point out to her that, judging from the age of the TV in this room, there probably wasn't a remote for it.
In the end I decided to let her have her fun instead.
It’s been years since she took part in an easter egg hunt, especially one where I’d already worked out where all the eggs were and she was bound to not get any.

A smug little smile came onto my face but I made sure to duck my head back down to my notebook before she could notice it.
See what you get for calling me the ‘little’ sister, think twice next time Sare!

==============

“I told you I’d make it through fine”
Sarah frowned and shot a glance across the aisle at Tor.
I shifted in my seat a bit and grinned.
Finally an upside to this whole transformation, more leg room in coach!

“Couldn't you have done something for Tor?”
I considered her question for a moment but shrugged instead of answering.

It’s kinda ironic really.
Sarah spent so long coming up with plans for what to do when I got caught trying to get onto the plane with a man’s passport, she didn't consider any other possible problems.

“Having a finger up your butt builds character, every man should try it!”
Sarah growled and whacked me in the arm.
“They pulled him out for a pat down and bag check, not that!”
I pouted at her and hunched in my spacious seat a bit more.

“Not my fault Bolivian security consider man-mountains like Tor a target for cavity searches-”
Sarah’s face went a red and she glared me into silence.

“It may not be your fault but being flippant about it isn't helping.”
I shrugged and put my headphones on.

Me being flippant IS helping, thank-you-very-much!
I happen to be a nervous flyer.

Give me a ‘Wings of Icarus’ enchantment and I’ll soar in the sky for hours.. but in a plane?

There’s got to be some unspoken magic in planes..
I REFUSE to believe something THIS big and heavy can fly unaided.
Physics be damned, my gut says we shouldn't be airborne!
The whole thing makes me nervous..

The one thing you DON’T want on an airplane at forty thousand feet up is a nervous mage.
Magic and nerves don’t mix together.
If we’re lucky all I’ll end up doing is turn the whole plane orange!

If not.. well.. I know a quick and dirty ‘float’ spell.. I think.. It seems vaguely familiar at least?
The plane would be a write off naturally, but at least me and Sarah would survive!

I’d feel guilty about Tor but I doubt anything is going to stop HIM from plummeting from the sky like a rock.
There’s a reason I went down through the temples entrance hole by a theurgicly infused tree root and he had to use high tensile climbing equipment..
..I'm a mage, not a miracle worker!..

Sarah mouthed something at me, judging by her face it was another complaint, so I didn't bother turning the music of.
With an intentionally slow movement I picked up my sleep mask and slid it over my eyes.
The look of rage on Sarah’s face before I got it fully on made me smile.

Annoying siblings is always good for calming nerves.
I have a right to do it anyway!
Annoying big sisters is what ‘little’ sisters are FOR, right Sare?

She is SO going to regret calling me ‘little’ one of these days..
..Probably not today though

The plane bumped and started taxiing along the runway.
My hand reached out blindly and grabbed Sarah’s tight.

Only a two hour flight from La Paz airport to Lima..
.. then another from Lima to Bogotá for three hours..
.. then ANOTHER from Bogotá to San Salvador..
.. and one more, six hour flight from San Salvador to LAX, Los Angeles.

From there we can do the SANE thing and drive the rest of the way home!

Why does it feel like I'm going to end up having to memory wipe some security guy who’s a bit TOO good at his job?
I hate doing that..

Did I mention I don’t like flying by the way?

The plane bumped a few more times and my stomach dropped out as we pulled up.
I let out a squeaky whimper and shoved my face into Sarah’s arm.

WHO’S BIG IDEA WAS IT TO FLY HOME!