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Safe at First Ch.2
by
Paula Dillon
Morning was not nice to Barbra. She was worn out from anxiety but she kept a brave face. She sent Debbie on to school with a promise that she could see her brother after school. She showered and dressed before she left to relieve Nina. She was grateful to her for letting her get some rest in her own bed. Barbra drove at a sedate pace, not wanting to become a statistic herself and arrived safely at the hospital.
Up in Daniel’s room, Nina was looking over the sleeping boy. He was beginning to stir and she figured that he would soon be awake. She prayed for the child, knowing the changes he faced. He was such a sweet child she sometimes wished that he’d been hers. Nina looked up as Barbra entered the room. The two hugged and Nina willed some of her strength into Barbra.
“How has he been doing, Nina?”
“He has been resting well Barbra. He slept like an angel but he should awake shortly, if I don’t miss my guess. I don’t think he’s been dreaming.”
“I would really hate to see his dreams right now, Nina. Sometimes dreamless sleep is a blessing.”
Daniel’s eyes fluttered open and a pained smile popped on his face as he saw his Mom.
“Hi Mom, how are you?”
“Hi Danny I am doing well. More importantly how are you doing, son?”
“I still hurt some, but I will be ok. How is Gina?”
“Physically she is ok, but rape leaves a lot of emotional scars. Do you remember how you got hurt dear?”
“Yes Mom, I know she did it. It was dumb of me to reach down to her but I just didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless. Let her know that I don’t hate her for it.” Daniel said as a tear fell down his cheek.
“You remember what happened yesterday?”
“Yes Mom, I wonder why me but I don’t know. What am I going to do now?”
“We are going to survive and do well in life. You have me and your sister to lean on and you are going to hold your head up high and move on.”
A nurse came in, checked on Daniel and gave him some pills. His breakfast was delivered and Daniel started to just pick at his food. Soon found that he was starving and ate all they had set out for him. He was seen by his doctors, who asked how he was doing, examined their work, checked drainage tubes and his Foley catheter. They ordered more pain meds for him and had nurses clean him and replace the packing material.
Barbra held her son’s hand and stroked his brow tenderly. She turned his TV on and switched it to a cartoon channel. He was a cartoon freak and could give the commentaries to many of them from memory. His favorites were the old WB cartoons. She sat with her son, he didn’t laugh as much as he usually did, but she saw that he really was watching the cartoons. Soon his lunch arrived, cardboard chicken, grout potatoes and twice nuked peas; his words. His complaints about the quality of the food seemed universal.
After lunch the pretty psychiatrist arrived. Barbra had failed to pick up her name before, but she read her name tag Stephanie Thompson.
“Hello Dr. Thompson. How are you?” Barbra greeted her warmly.
“I am fine Mrs. Crane, and please both of you call me Stephanie. Barbra would you mind if I talked to Daniel alone?”
“I will just get some coffee and talk to Terri.”
Stephanie couldn’t have been a day over twenty five, she had brilliant blue eyes and a warm smile. She looked deep into Daniel’s eyes and asked, “And how are you doing Daniel and do you mind if I call you Danny?”
Daniel blushed and half smiled at her, “Sure no prob. I am ok, I guess, and you?”
“I am doing ok too. It is good to see you today you seem so much more lucid, no let me say more clear headed today. Would you like to talk with me today?”
“Bout what Mam?”
“Oh bout, anything and don’t mam me, it makes me feel old. You’re a baseball player we could talk about that. Who is your most favorite team?”
“I like several I like Boston with Pedro, and the Dbacks with Johnson, Pedro could be so great, if he could just stay healthy.” Daniel said.
“The Dbacks also have Curt Schilling, but the Yankees have a great bull pin too.”
“Yeah I hate the Yankees, Steinbrenner is such a creep.”
“Yeah he is. Ok. Can you tell me how you feel now?”
“Well I am not feeling too bad. The docs are keeping me doped up a little bit.”
“Yeah, you’ll be that way for a while, but that aint zacly what I meant there. How are you feeling about what happened to you? How are you dealing with things?”
“Oh, I guess I am a little pissed about what happened. Sorry bout the language but that is how I feel. I am glad that Gina is better. I can’t imagine how she feels. Well, I guess I can.”
“Don’t worry about your language when you’re talking to me. I need to know what is in your head and sometimes those words can tell me more than whole books. How do you think Gina feels?”
“Probably pretty darn trashy right now. Scared, angry, possibly worthless. I feel some of those things myself right now. I know it was her that hurt me but I can’t bring myself to hate her.”
“Yes, you know you were a victim of this rape too. You have a good understanding of what she is going through. How do you feel about the boys who were doing this?”
“I hate those punks; I blame them for what happened to me more than anyone else. I don’t know them, but I really do hate them and I hate the fact that I hate them. I just couldn’t let them hurt Gina anymore. I felt I had to help her.”
“How do you feel about Gina, did you know her?”
“I knew her at school a little. I didn’t know it was her till I heard her name around here. Her face was such a bloody mess when I saw her. I wish she just had not kicked me, I wish I hadn’t reached out to her and I shoulda used my head a little more. But I don’t hate her.”
“What do you think about what has happened to you?”
“I am pissed that it happened, but I guess the doctors had to do what they thought best.”
“You were pretty mangled down there; there was no way they could have made you look anywhere close to normal. I saw the photos they took. How do you feel about girls?”
“I like em alright. They can be a pain in the a.. I mean butt, but they are alright.”
“You know there are three ways you can go from here, right? I mean we could do nothing and you will probably start slowly looking like a girl, you can take male hormones and you would start looking more masculine, or you can take female hormones and start developing like a girl. Don’t make any snap decisions right now. I hope that by talking more with you, you will be better able to choose which way is best for you. Unfortunately we can’t turn the clock back two days and return things back to where they were. Now a very hard question Daniel, have you ever thought about hurting yourself, please be honest with me on this one?”
“You mean have I ever thought about suicide, no, I couldn’t do that to Mom and Sis. Sis is a pain in the butt at times but I know that would hurt her. Mom has already lost Dad, it nearly blew her away. It would kill her to lose me too.”
“Very good Daniel and I want you to promise me if you ever start feeling any different about suicide please, please tell someone how you feel if not me, your Mom or sister or Nina or just anybody you trust. You are such a brave person; it would hurt me to lose you too. Ok!”
Stephanie’s words touched him so much that tears started falling down his cheeks. “Ok, I promise you that I will tell you.”
Stephanie leaned down to Daniel and as she hugged his sides, she could feel him cry. She wanted him to feel love. She knew that his mom, sister and many others really cared for this kid. It was her job to make him see that love. She loved working with children helping them to become whole and it nearly kills her when one of her children dies. Now she had to go see another one of her children and this one was oh so much more fragile.
Barbra, returning from a stroll, saw Terri standing outside her daughter’s room and went over to her.
“How is your daughter, Terri?”
“Doctor Thompson is with her now.”
“I really like her. I know she will be good for Danny. How is Gina doing?”
“Not so good, Dr. Thompson wants to keep her here at least one more day, she is so withdrawn.”
“Let me check on Daniel and then let’s go get a cup of coffee.”
“Ok, the doctor said she would be there a while.”
Barbra went into Danny’s room and asked how he was doing. When she saw that he seemed better she told him she was going to get some more coffee and talk to Terri.
Down in the cafeteria, Terri broke down and poured her heart out to Barbra. It was clear that Terri was taking this hard. Terri wished she could take her child’s pain on herself, instead of her daughter having to feel it. They talked for a long time and realizing how long it had been, and they headed back to Gina’s room.
Debbie came in about 4:30 along with Nina and Shelley. Barbra told them all that happened that day. They could see the improvement in Daniel. The two younger girls fused over Daniel till dinner came.
Barbra pulled her daughter to the side and told her to tell the people at school to give Daniel two more days before he can have visitors, and that neither Debbie nor Shelley was to say anything about his medical problems or anything about Gina. She sent Debbie home with Shelley and Nina at about 8:00 pm. Barbra settled into sleep in a chair beside her son’s bed.
The next day was much the same as before except Stephanie, Gina and Terri entered the room about 10:30 am. Gina looked like she had been through hell and she stood timidly behind Dr. Thompson.
“Daniel, Gina has something to say to you before she heads home.” Stephanie said.
“Thank you so much for saving me Daniel, I am so sorry for what happened to you,” Gina sobbed, “I know now that you came to help me for that I just can’t say thanks enough and that it was… it was me that hu..hurt you.”
“It wasn’t you that hurt me Gina, yes it was you who kicked me but I don’t blame you, it was those idiots that attacked you that hurt me. Don’t blame yourself for that Gina and don’t give those idiots the pleasure of out living you. You need to get yourself right so those guys don’t win, by taking your happiness. I know it is easier said than done but you have got to believe in yourself. I would do it again and damn the consequences. Nobody deserves to have that done to them.”
We talked about ten minutes, before Gina and Terri made their goodbyes. Gina seemed better but that wasn’t saying much. Stephanie sat down next to me and thanked me.
“You don’t know how hard it was for her to come in here and talk to you Danny. She was torn by her fear of what she had done to you and her fear of males. I am proud of the way you encouraged her.”
“Is she going to be alright?”
“Only time will tell, but I am proud of what you said to her, even if I am not sure you meant all of it.”
“It was what I thought she needed to hear.”
“Yes I know that, although I didn’t use quite the same language you did. I believe it had an effect on her. She needed to know that you don’t hate her for what she did and you gave her a target for her anger. Now you need to convince yourself too, about what you said.”
“But I don’t blame her.”
“On the surface you don’t and I believe you’re headed in the right direction, but you still hold it against her on some level. I saw that in our talk yesterday. You were saying all the right things, but you wished you had not reached out to her.”
“I don’t want to blame her. I wanted to blame me or the guys.”
“You were not the blame either, you might have acted rashly reaching out to her, but I am not convinced you were wrong to do it. I would have been surprised if you hadn’t.”
“Well am I going to be alright?”
“Are you? I believe you are. You’re headed in the right direction. All you need to do is to release your anger when you feel it, in an acceptable manner and to believe in yourself. Don’t tell me what you think I need to hear, tell me what you need me to hear. So you tell me, are you ok?”
“I believe I will be.”
“Good answer, hang on to that. I believe you will be ok too. Like they say in AA Danny, ‘Take it one day at a time.’ Oh by the way, the Detective on the rape case and an Assistant District Attorney will be by later; don’t talk to them till I get here. Those are my orders.”
“Ok Steph. Thank you.”
Dr. Thompson hugged Daniel as she got up to leave his room. She was pleased with his progress and the concern he showed. It will be good working with him. She hoped that working with Gina would show progress to but that was a steeper road.”
After lunch John Reynolds, the lead Detective on the rape case came by with Angie Marks ADA (assistant district attorney) to get Daniel’s statement. Introductions were made to Barbra and Daniel. Stephanie had insisted on being there and sat next to Daniel while his statement was taken. They questioned Daniel for about an hour.
Angie said that Daniel’s conduct would be presented to a grand jury with a recommendation that they NO BILL (that they file no charges) Daniel. Angie told him not to worry. They had DNA evidence of rape against all three attackers. With the three witness statements and physical evidence the three boys will probably plead out. One of the boys also had agreed to plead out and testify against the other two. If they take the pleas they will serve two to ten years and I will recommend a minimum of five years. If they roll the dice I will guarantee an aggravated two to twenty which they will probably serve a minimum of twelve years.
Any plea would require them to allocute (to speak out formally) to the offense and testify against any not accepting a plea in any criminal or civil proceedings. Considering the condition of the three boys, two of whom will need long term care and surgery and one who was basically emasculated, it is a gift. I don’t think you will ever see the inside of a criminal courtroom. If the defendants, their families, or their lawyers, or anybody for that matter, contacts you or threatens you in respect to this case, please call us.
Stephanie called an end to their visit and ushered them out.
When Nina arrived she sent Barbra home with the girls, when visiting hours ended. Daniel was getting less pain meds and was a little less comfortable but he persevered through the pain. He had never been one to complain and he didn’t use this as a reason to start. He finally drifted off as his favorite cartoon went off.
In the morning he woke early. He was itching to get out of bed and this day might be his first chance in four days to do it. He also knew it will probably be a real pain. His Mom showed up and after breakfast he finally felt up to reading all the cards sent to him. Daniel was amazed at the outpouring of sentiment he had received.
The nurses showed up with the doctors who inspected their work. They left the packing out and the nurses showed him how to care for himself to keep himself clean and how to dilate himself. He was told to take care to not pull his stitches and that he was to get out of bed with assistance to go to the restroom today. So he did.
“Dang if it feels like that I may never get out of bed again.”
“It will hurt for a little while dear, but it will get better,” Barbra told him, “Other than that how are you doing?”
“Great I want to go home.”
“Well you will be here another four days maybe dear.”
“Oh geez. How will I catch up on my school work there is only three more weeks.”
“I knew it would break your heart, so I have made some arrangements. Your principal will be by today with your assignments and some teachers will drop by here to help you. You will study and take your tests at home. Some of your classmates have volunteered to help you. You will promote to the next grade this year, on time.”
“Geez Mom, what would I ever do without you?” Daniel said with a touch of sarcasm and humor.
It wasn’t twenty minutes after his mom broke the news to him that his principal and one of his teachers arrived bearing loads of books and class work. A few minutes of “how are you,” “you’re looking good,” and other niceties and they got down to business. They informed him of how things were going to go from now through the end of the year. For an hour they went from class to class going over what he needed to study and what homework he needed to do.
Dr. Thompson came by and had another chat with Daniel.
“I see your homework has caught up with you. How far behind are you?”
“Not too far they found me in my hidey hole and threatened me with permanent detention if I didn’t do my work.”
“Oh really?”
“Not. They were alright about it but I have lots of work to do over the next three weeks. They are going to bring the tests to me at home. I guess there really is no rest for the wicked.”
Stephanie laughed at Daniels attempts at humor. He really is a great kid.
“Let me ask you a question Daniel. Have you ever dressed in girl’s clothes like maybe your sisters or your mothers, or anybody else’s?”
Daniel had a nervous look on his face. It told Stephanie what she needed to know.
“Yes I have several times in the past.”
“Tell me about them please, don’t worry it is just between me and you. I don’t think it is weird or perverted.”
“Well several years ago my sister dressed me up in one of her costumes for Halloween, and we went trick or treating. I was dressed as a Pixie I had wings and stuff, and she was a ballerina in a Tutu. Luckily no one recognized me.”
“What did you wear?”
“She dressed me in a long gown that had layers and layers of nylon gauzezy type material, a long slip, her under things, pantyhose and some heels. She stuffed the bra I was wearing with so much stuff that the gown almost didn’t fit; I looked like a four foot, ten year old Dolly Parton, with wings. Then she had mom put on some really gaudy false eyelashes, she had to trim them allot to fit my eyes and a ton of makeup and a long cheap blonde almost yellow wig. The hair went all the way down to my calves. I was quite a site.”
Daniels descriptions had Stephanie giggling. Daniel took it well and continued.
“I kinda liked the way everything felt. I played dress up when I am by myself once in a while. I stopped because I was afraid of being caught. Guys just aren’t supposed to do things like that. I mean isn’t that wrong.”
“You mean is it wrong to like soft silky things that make you feel good? Some would say so but what do you say? How did you like dressing up? When you dressed up those other times what did you wear?”
Daniel was sweating now, “I don’t really know. I guess I liked it. I have worn panties and pantyhose. My sister’s clothes are larger than mine cept in the waist. Sometimes I would wear those slip tops and half slips they wear and mom’s heels. I don’t think Mom and Sis ever caught on”
“I don’t know Danny you may be surprised, girls tend to know if their things have been messed with. If you could Daniel would you to do that more often?”
“I know where you are going. You want to know if I want to live as a girl right?”
“Yes Daniel. I knew you would figure it out.”
“I am not against it, but how can I change? I mean the kids I go to school with know I am a boy. I had a hard time as a guy that didn’t look too macho, like the other guys. I would never be able to live it down looking like a girl. I love sports too and now the locker room is out for me.”
“That is always hard in cases like this Daniel. It might mean moving where you live and changing school districts. If you started hormones today it might be up to a year before you would definitely look too much of a girl to pass as a guy. Looking like a girl, doesn’t mean you have to give up sports. You like baseball, girls play softball and your skills would fit right in.”
“I don’t know you may be right, but if I am going to become a girl I would like to start when school is out and go to school next year as a girl. How much time do I have for a decision?”
“There are no time limits, but realistically less than six months. You are at the point where you need to go one way or the other. Your blood work showed an early puberty levels of testosterone, a lot lower than most guys your age. You were a late bloomer so to speak. That is why you are such a small person, your voice sounds like a twelve year old and I bet you have never had to shave. Would it be ok if I talked to your mother about it or would you rather talk to her?”
“You better I wouldn’t know what to say, or how to say it?”
“Ok I will pose it to her as a question or possibility? Asking what she would do ok?”
“Sure.”
Stephanie hugged Daniel as she left for her other rounds. She smiled at the progress she had made with him. She really liked this kid and hoped the best for him.
Stephanie saw Barbra and invited her to the cafeteria for coffee. They chatted for several minutes before she broached the subject of Daniel.
“Barbra you know if Daniel becomes a girl, there are going to be all sorts of problems right? What do you feel about it?”
“Yes I know but I want to do whatever is best for him, Stephanie. How is he doing in your opinion?”
“He is doing well. I want to keep seeing him for a while. He may want to transition to female this summer. How would you feel about this?”
“I love my son and I know things have changed. I will miss having him around if he changes but I will love him just the same as my daughter.”
“You know others may not accept him around here as a girl. Have you thought about moving, could you move to another school district if necessary?”
“Stephanie I will do whatever is necessary for Danny. I know he has been through a lot. I have even talked to Debbie about him possibly becoming a girl. She was a little weirded out about the idea but she knows it might be best for him. If he becomes a girl Stephanie he has a lot of support. Nina, Debbie, Shelley and I will help him become the best girl he can be.”
“I will be there too, Barbra to help him.” Stephanie said.
“I know and I thank you Stephanie. I need to get back to him he is probably wondering where I am.”
Over the next four days Danny had lots of visitors. The coach with the whole baseball team had even come by. Students and teachers came by and helped him catch up on his school work. Danny asked some of the nurses to pass out some of the potted plants people had sent to other patients. His mom kept the ones she liked though. On the fourth Day he got a big escort out in a rolling chariot, he complained that he could walk ok, but they insisted that he ride. The school athletic van was waiting for him filled with all the stuff he was keeping. The coach presented him with a letter jacket and a letter patch for baseball. Then he took the long ride home.
To be continued
by
Paula Dillon
Morning was not nice to Barbra. She was worn out from anxiety but she kept a brave face. She sent Debbie on to school with a promise that she could see her brother after school. She showered and dressed before she left to relieve Nina. She was grateful to her for letting her get some rest in her own bed. Barbra drove at a sedate pace, not wanting to become a statistic herself and arrived safely at the hospital.
Up in Daniel’s room, Nina was looking over the sleeping boy. He was beginning to stir and she figured that he would soon be awake. She prayed for the child, knowing the changes he faced. He was such a sweet child she sometimes wished that he’d been hers. Nina looked up as Barbra entered the room. The two hugged and Nina willed some of her strength into Barbra.
“How has he been doing, Nina?”
“He has been resting well Barbra. He slept like an angel but he should awake shortly, if I don’t miss my guess. I don’t think he’s been dreaming.”
“I would really hate to see his dreams right now, Nina. Sometimes dreamless sleep is a blessing.”
Daniel’s eyes fluttered open and a pained smile popped on his face as he saw his Mom.
“Hi Mom, how are you?”
“Hi Danny I am doing well. More importantly how are you doing, son?”
“I still hurt some, but I will be ok. How is Gina?”
“Physically she is ok, but rape leaves a lot of emotional scars. Do you remember how you got hurt dear?”
“Yes Mom, I know she did it. It was dumb of me to reach down to her but I just didn’t know what to do. I felt so helpless. Let her know that I don’t hate her for it.” Daniel said as a tear fell down his cheek.
“You remember what happened yesterday?”
“Yes Mom, I wonder why me but I don’t know. What am I going to do now?”
“We are going to survive and do well in life. You have me and your sister to lean on and you are going to hold your head up high and move on.”
A nurse came in, checked on Daniel and gave him some pills. His breakfast was delivered and Daniel started to just pick at his food. Soon found that he was starving and ate all they had set out for him. He was seen by his doctors, who asked how he was doing, examined their work, checked drainage tubes and his Foley catheter. They ordered more pain meds for him and had nurses clean him and replace the packing material.
Barbra held her son’s hand and stroked his brow tenderly. She turned his TV on and switched it to a cartoon channel. He was a cartoon freak and could give the commentaries to many of them from memory. His favorites were the old WB cartoons. She sat with her son, he didn’t laugh as much as he usually did, but she saw that he really was watching the cartoons. Soon his lunch arrived, cardboard chicken, grout potatoes and twice nuked peas; his words. His complaints about the quality of the food seemed universal.
After lunch the pretty psychiatrist arrived. Barbra had failed to pick up her name before, but she read her name tag Stephanie Thompson.
“Hello Dr. Thompson. How are you?” Barbra greeted her warmly.
“I am fine Mrs. Crane, and please both of you call me Stephanie. Barbra would you mind if I talked to Daniel alone?”
“I will just get some coffee and talk to Terri.”
Stephanie couldn’t have been a day over twenty five, she had brilliant blue eyes and a warm smile. She looked deep into Daniel’s eyes and asked, “And how are you doing Daniel and do you mind if I call you Danny?”
Daniel blushed and half smiled at her, “Sure no prob. I am ok, I guess, and you?”
“I am doing ok too. It is good to see you today you seem so much more lucid, no let me say more clear headed today. Would you like to talk with me today?”
“Bout what Mam?”
“Oh bout, anything and don’t mam me, it makes me feel old. You’re a baseball player we could talk about that. Who is your most favorite team?”
“I like several I like Boston with Pedro, and the Dbacks with Johnson, Pedro could be so great, if he could just stay healthy.” Daniel said.
“The Dbacks also have Curt Schilling, but the Yankees have a great bull pin too.”
“Yeah I hate the Yankees, Steinbrenner is such a creep.”
“Yeah he is. Ok. Can you tell me how you feel now?”
“Well I am not feeling too bad. The docs are keeping me doped up a little bit.”
“Yeah, you’ll be that way for a while, but that aint zacly what I meant there. How are you feeling about what happened to you? How are you dealing with things?”
“Oh, I guess I am a little pissed about what happened. Sorry bout the language but that is how I feel. I am glad that Gina is better. I can’t imagine how she feels. Well, I guess I can.”
“Don’t worry about your language when you’re talking to me. I need to know what is in your head and sometimes those words can tell me more than whole books. How do you think Gina feels?”
“Probably pretty darn trashy right now. Scared, angry, possibly worthless. I feel some of those things myself right now. I know it was her that hurt me but I can’t bring myself to hate her.”
“Yes, you know you were a victim of this rape too. You have a good understanding of what she is going through. How do you feel about the boys who were doing this?”
“I hate those punks; I blame them for what happened to me more than anyone else. I don’t know them, but I really do hate them and I hate the fact that I hate them. I just couldn’t let them hurt Gina anymore. I felt I had to help her.”
“How do you feel about Gina, did you know her?”
“I knew her at school a little. I didn’t know it was her till I heard her name around here. Her face was such a bloody mess when I saw her. I wish she just had not kicked me, I wish I hadn’t reached out to her and I shoulda used my head a little more. But I don’t hate her.”
“What do you think about what has happened to you?”
“I am pissed that it happened, but I guess the doctors had to do what they thought best.”
“You were pretty mangled down there; there was no way they could have made you look anywhere close to normal. I saw the photos they took. How do you feel about girls?”
“I like em alright. They can be a pain in the a.. I mean butt, but they are alright.”
“You know there are three ways you can go from here, right? I mean we could do nothing and you will probably start slowly looking like a girl, you can take male hormones and you would start looking more masculine, or you can take female hormones and start developing like a girl. Don’t make any snap decisions right now. I hope that by talking more with you, you will be better able to choose which way is best for you. Unfortunately we can’t turn the clock back two days and return things back to where they were. Now a very hard question Daniel, have you ever thought about hurting yourself, please be honest with me on this one?”
“You mean have I ever thought about suicide, no, I couldn’t do that to Mom and Sis. Sis is a pain in the butt at times but I know that would hurt her. Mom has already lost Dad, it nearly blew her away. It would kill her to lose me too.”
“Very good Daniel and I want you to promise me if you ever start feeling any different about suicide please, please tell someone how you feel if not me, your Mom or sister or Nina or just anybody you trust. You are such a brave person; it would hurt me to lose you too. Ok!”
Stephanie’s words touched him so much that tears started falling down his cheeks. “Ok, I promise you that I will tell you.”
Stephanie leaned down to Daniel and as she hugged his sides, she could feel him cry. She wanted him to feel love. She knew that his mom, sister and many others really cared for this kid. It was her job to make him see that love. She loved working with children helping them to become whole and it nearly kills her when one of her children dies. Now she had to go see another one of her children and this one was oh so much more fragile.
Barbra, returning from a stroll, saw Terri standing outside her daughter’s room and went over to her.
“How is your daughter, Terri?”
“Doctor Thompson is with her now.”
“I really like her. I know she will be good for Danny. How is Gina doing?”
“Not so good, Dr. Thompson wants to keep her here at least one more day, she is so withdrawn.”
“Let me check on Daniel and then let’s go get a cup of coffee.”
“Ok, the doctor said she would be there a while.”
Barbra went into Danny’s room and asked how he was doing. When she saw that he seemed better she told him she was going to get some more coffee and talk to Terri.
Down in the cafeteria, Terri broke down and poured her heart out to Barbra. It was clear that Terri was taking this hard. Terri wished she could take her child’s pain on herself, instead of her daughter having to feel it. They talked for a long time and realizing how long it had been, and they headed back to Gina’s room.
Debbie came in about 4:30 along with Nina and Shelley. Barbra told them all that happened that day. They could see the improvement in Daniel. The two younger girls fused over Daniel till dinner came.
Barbra pulled her daughter to the side and told her to tell the people at school to give Daniel two more days before he can have visitors, and that neither Debbie nor Shelley was to say anything about his medical problems or anything about Gina. She sent Debbie home with Shelley and Nina at about 8:00 pm. Barbra settled into sleep in a chair beside her son’s bed.
The next day was much the same as before except Stephanie, Gina and Terri entered the room about 10:30 am. Gina looked like she had been through hell and she stood timidly behind Dr. Thompson.
“Daniel, Gina has something to say to you before she heads home.” Stephanie said.
“Thank you so much for saving me Daniel, I am so sorry for what happened to you,” Gina sobbed, “I know now that you came to help me for that I just can’t say thanks enough and that it was… it was me that hu..hurt you.”
“It wasn’t you that hurt me Gina, yes it was you who kicked me but I don’t blame you, it was those idiots that attacked you that hurt me. Don’t blame yourself for that Gina and don’t give those idiots the pleasure of out living you. You need to get yourself right so those guys don’t win, by taking your happiness. I know it is easier said than done but you have got to believe in yourself. I would do it again and damn the consequences. Nobody deserves to have that done to them.”
We talked about ten minutes, before Gina and Terri made their goodbyes. Gina seemed better but that wasn’t saying much. Stephanie sat down next to me and thanked me.
“You don’t know how hard it was for her to come in here and talk to you Danny. She was torn by her fear of what she had done to you and her fear of males. I am proud of the way you encouraged her.”
“Is she going to be alright?”
“Only time will tell, but I am proud of what you said to her, even if I am not sure you meant all of it.”
“It was what I thought she needed to hear.”
“Yes I know that, although I didn’t use quite the same language you did. I believe it had an effect on her. She needed to know that you don’t hate her for what she did and you gave her a target for her anger. Now you need to convince yourself too, about what you said.”
“But I don’t blame her.”
“On the surface you don’t and I believe you’re headed in the right direction, but you still hold it against her on some level. I saw that in our talk yesterday. You were saying all the right things, but you wished you had not reached out to her.”
“I don’t want to blame her. I wanted to blame me or the guys.”
“You were not the blame either, you might have acted rashly reaching out to her, but I am not convinced you were wrong to do it. I would have been surprised if you hadn’t.”
“Well am I going to be alright?”
“Are you? I believe you are. You’re headed in the right direction. All you need to do is to release your anger when you feel it, in an acceptable manner and to believe in yourself. Don’t tell me what you think I need to hear, tell me what you need me to hear. So you tell me, are you ok?”
“I believe I will be.”
“Good answer, hang on to that. I believe you will be ok too. Like they say in AA Danny, ‘Take it one day at a time.’ Oh by the way, the Detective on the rape case and an Assistant District Attorney will be by later; don’t talk to them till I get here. Those are my orders.”
“Ok Steph. Thank you.”
Dr. Thompson hugged Daniel as she got up to leave his room. She was pleased with his progress and the concern he showed. It will be good working with him. She hoped that working with Gina would show progress to but that was a steeper road.”
After lunch John Reynolds, the lead Detective on the rape case came by with Angie Marks ADA (assistant district attorney) to get Daniel’s statement. Introductions were made to Barbra and Daniel. Stephanie had insisted on being there and sat next to Daniel while his statement was taken. They questioned Daniel for about an hour.
Angie said that Daniel’s conduct would be presented to a grand jury with a recommendation that they NO BILL (that they file no charges) Daniel. Angie told him not to worry. They had DNA evidence of rape against all three attackers. With the three witness statements and physical evidence the three boys will probably plead out. One of the boys also had agreed to plead out and testify against the other two. If they take the pleas they will serve two to ten years and I will recommend a minimum of five years. If they roll the dice I will guarantee an aggravated two to twenty which they will probably serve a minimum of twelve years.
Any plea would require them to allocute (to speak out formally) to the offense and testify against any not accepting a plea in any criminal or civil proceedings. Considering the condition of the three boys, two of whom will need long term care and surgery and one who was basically emasculated, it is a gift. I don’t think you will ever see the inside of a criminal courtroom. If the defendants, their families, or their lawyers, or anybody for that matter, contacts you or threatens you in respect to this case, please call us.
Stephanie called an end to their visit and ushered them out.
When Nina arrived she sent Barbra home with the girls, when visiting hours ended. Daniel was getting less pain meds and was a little less comfortable but he persevered through the pain. He had never been one to complain and he didn’t use this as a reason to start. He finally drifted off as his favorite cartoon went off.
In the morning he woke early. He was itching to get out of bed and this day might be his first chance in four days to do it. He also knew it will probably be a real pain. His Mom showed up and after breakfast he finally felt up to reading all the cards sent to him. Daniel was amazed at the outpouring of sentiment he had received.
The nurses showed up with the doctors who inspected their work. They left the packing out and the nurses showed him how to care for himself to keep himself clean and how to dilate himself. He was told to take care to not pull his stitches and that he was to get out of bed with assistance to go to the restroom today. So he did.
“Dang if it feels like that I may never get out of bed again.”
“It will hurt for a little while dear, but it will get better,” Barbra told him, “Other than that how are you doing?”
“Great I want to go home.”
“Well you will be here another four days maybe dear.”
“Oh geez. How will I catch up on my school work there is only three more weeks.”
“I knew it would break your heart, so I have made some arrangements. Your principal will be by today with your assignments and some teachers will drop by here to help you. You will study and take your tests at home. Some of your classmates have volunteered to help you. You will promote to the next grade this year, on time.”
“Geez Mom, what would I ever do without you?” Daniel said with a touch of sarcasm and humor.
It wasn’t twenty minutes after his mom broke the news to him that his principal and one of his teachers arrived bearing loads of books and class work. A few minutes of “how are you,” “you’re looking good,” and other niceties and they got down to business. They informed him of how things were going to go from now through the end of the year. For an hour they went from class to class going over what he needed to study and what homework he needed to do.
Dr. Thompson came by and had another chat with Daniel.
“I see your homework has caught up with you. How far behind are you?”
“Not too far they found me in my hidey hole and threatened me with permanent detention if I didn’t do my work.”
“Oh really?”
“Not. They were alright about it but I have lots of work to do over the next three weeks. They are going to bring the tests to me at home. I guess there really is no rest for the wicked.”
Stephanie laughed at Daniels attempts at humor. He really is a great kid.
“Let me ask you a question Daniel. Have you ever dressed in girl’s clothes like maybe your sisters or your mothers, or anybody else’s?”
Daniel had a nervous look on his face. It told Stephanie what she needed to know.
“Yes I have several times in the past.”
“Tell me about them please, don’t worry it is just between me and you. I don’t think it is weird or perverted.”
“Well several years ago my sister dressed me up in one of her costumes for Halloween, and we went trick or treating. I was dressed as a Pixie I had wings and stuff, and she was a ballerina in a Tutu. Luckily no one recognized me.”
“What did you wear?”
“She dressed me in a long gown that had layers and layers of nylon gauzezy type material, a long slip, her under things, pantyhose and some heels. She stuffed the bra I was wearing with so much stuff that the gown almost didn’t fit; I looked like a four foot, ten year old Dolly Parton, with wings. Then she had mom put on some really gaudy false eyelashes, she had to trim them allot to fit my eyes and a ton of makeup and a long cheap blonde almost yellow wig. The hair went all the way down to my calves. I was quite a site.”
Daniels descriptions had Stephanie giggling. Daniel took it well and continued.
“I kinda liked the way everything felt. I played dress up when I am by myself once in a while. I stopped because I was afraid of being caught. Guys just aren’t supposed to do things like that. I mean isn’t that wrong.”
“You mean is it wrong to like soft silky things that make you feel good? Some would say so but what do you say? How did you like dressing up? When you dressed up those other times what did you wear?”
Daniel was sweating now, “I don’t really know. I guess I liked it. I have worn panties and pantyhose. My sister’s clothes are larger than mine cept in the waist. Sometimes I would wear those slip tops and half slips they wear and mom’s heels. I don’t think Mom and Sis ever caught on”
“I don’t know Danny you may be surprised, girls tend to know if their things have been messed with. If you could Daniel would you to do that more often?”
“I know where you are going. You want to know if I want to live as a girl right?”
“Yes Daniel. I knew you would figure it out.”
“I am not against it, but how can I change? I mean the kids I go to school with know I am a boy. I had a hard time as a guy that didn’t look too macho, like the other guys. I would never be able to live it down looking like a girl. I love sports too and now the locker room is out for me.”
“That is always hard in cases like this Daniel. It might mean moving where you live and changing school districts. If you started hormones today it might be up to a year before you would definitely look too much of a girl to pass as a guy. Looking like a girl, doesn’t mean you have to give up sports. You like baseball, girls play softball and your skills would fit right in.”
“I don’t know you may be right, but if I am going to become a girl I would like to start when school is out and go to school next year as a girl. How much time do I have for a decision?”
“There are no time limits, but realistically less than six months. You are at the point where you need to go one way or the other. Your blood work showed an early puberty levels of testosterone, a lot lower than most guys your age. You were a late bloomer so to speak. That is why you are such a small person, your voice sounds like a twelve year old and I bet you have never had to shave. Would it be ok if I talked to your mother about it or would you rather talk to her?”
“You better I wouldn’t know what to say, or how to say it?”
“Ok I will pose it to her as a question or possibility? Asking what she would do ok?”
“Sure.”
Stephanie hugged Daniel as she left for her other rounds. She smiled at the progress she had made with him. She really liked this kid and hoped the best for him.
Stephanie saw Barbra and invited her to the cafeteria for coffee. They chatted for several minutes before she broached the subject of Daniel.
“Barbra you know if Daniel becomes a girl, there are going to be all sorts of problems right? What do you feel about it?”
“Yes I know but I want to do whatever is best for him, Stephanie. How is he doing in your opinion?”
“He is doing well. I want to keep seeing him for a while. He may want to transition to female this summer. How would you feel about this?”
“I love my son and I know things have changed. I will miss having him around if he changes but I will love him just the same as my daughter.”
“You know others may not accept him around here as a girl. Have you thought about moving, could you move to another school district if necessary?”
“Stephanie I will do whatever is necessary for Danny. I know he has been through a lot. I have even talked to Debbie about him possibly becoming a girl. She was a little weirded out about the idea but she knows it might be best for him. If he becomes a girl Stephanie he has a lot of support. Nina, Debbie, Shelley and I will help him become the best girl he can be.”
“I will be there too, Barbra to help him.” Stephanie said.
“I know and I thank you Stephanie. I need to get back to him he is probably wondering where I am.”
Over the next four days Danny had lots of visitors. The coach with the whole baseball team had even come by. Students and teachers came by and helped him catch up on his school work. Danny asked some of the nurses to pass out some of the potted plants people had sent to other patients. His mom kept the ones she liked though. On the fourth Day he got a big escort out in a rolling chariot, he complained that he could walk ok, but they insisted that he ride. The school athletic van was waiting for him filled with all the stuff he was keeping. The coach presented him with a letter jacket and a letter patch for baseball. Then he took the long ride home.
To be continued
Comments
Safe at First -2-
Danny has more wisdom than many adults.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Sacrificial lambs
There was an item in the news similar to this story. In that case, the rescuer was assumed to be an attacker (because he was male) by four women who came to the rescue after him. The four women assaulted the rescuer, beating him over the head with their stiletto heels, and managed to put one of his eyes out.
Depressing story premise, the sacrifice required of boys…and men…
Safe at First part 2
your story
Excellent story
GREAT STORY! I am so glad yo
BE a lady!
Safe at First 2
Safe At First 2