Julian Denver

by

Paula Dillon

A movie role has some unintended consequences for Julian. They all aren’t bad though as Julian gets to see things from the finer side.

Julian Denver sat with his parents, in the producer’s office, script in hand, reading. His agent had called him and told him that there was a producer and casting director, that were desperately trying to cast the lead of a movie. Julian was hoping to become the latest teenage heartthrob. That was enough motivation to bring him in. He had dreams of becoming the latest Justin Bieber.

He was more than a little surprised, that the part was indeed for the lead role in the movie. Julian already had over thirty credits to his name. This would be his first full-length movie feature and his first leading role. He had been appearing in shorts and commercials, since he was seven years old. Even at that early age, he had such an appeal. He was just too cute, women just want to pick him up and mother him. By the age of sixteen, he had developed a real acting ability. He could play a dramatic part, that could bring a tear to the eye, or he could play a part in a madcap comedy, with equal ease.

This movie would be a real step for him, so he had been told. If he was chosen and he accepted, he would be the leading actor for the movie. The money would be nice too.

When he was called, the producer had been rather vague about the role he would play. He was told it was to be the lead and that he would have a mid-six figure salary, if he got the part. He had two really good parents that didn’t leach off of him, like some of the early child actors. Thanks to the Coogan Laws, a large portion of the child actor’s salaries, are placed into a blocked trust. Julian’s Parents insisted that Julian had a say in where all of his earnings went. His parents took a small cut, and put it in an account that he could access fairly easily; the rest was in a trust, till he was eighteen, twenty one and twenty five. He already had a fair amount in his college fund.

Timothy Carson, the producer, had screened hundreds of teenage boys, trying to find just the right child to play the part. It wasn’t because it was a particularly hard script, but it did have some specific body type requirements for the boy.

Timothy Carson was a new and upcoming producer. He was seen by many as a visionary. His career started out at the age of seventeen, when he produced a high school documentary, which went viral on the Internet and later on, one of the major TV broadcasters. This movie was to be his big break into movie production, before the age of twenty-four.

Julian raised an eyebrow as he got past page three and got into the meat of the script. The movie was to be a fictionalized account of one person’s life and struggles. He was to play this person from their early teens to their early twenties. Julian came close to throwing the script at Mr. Carson, but he kept reading. He had seen poor dialog and such before, but there was nothing poor about this script. It was well written, contained good writer’s notes and directions. It just seemed a strange role to him.

Timothy, reading Julian’s facial expression and body language said, “It really is a good part Julian, please don’t be too hasty to throw this opportunity away.”

Julian chose his words carefully. He wanted to finish reading the script before he talked with his parents about the part. “It is a really different role, that’s for sure, but it is well written so far.”

“You should know that we have plenty of backers for this production. We are going first class all the way. The money is guaranteed. It will be shot in two sessions. The first will start this summer, and the second, will be in the following spring. But you will have a lot of work to do between sessions.”

“The big problem that I see is the likelihood of being type casted after this movie.”

“That is always the danger with any very dramatic… no, that isn’t what I mean. Any role that is radical, comedic or just plain different has, in some degree, poses a danger of type casting the actor. Some of the greatest movie roles have had that quality.”

Julian was a speed reader; he had been tested at being able to read at almost three thousand words a minute, coupled with an excellent memory. These two qualities had been an asset to him in his short acting career. He could read a script a couple of times and have a good grip on the character. Then, just a quick refresher between scenes, and he would be dead on with his lines. He read the script fast, but not at his top speed. He had to stop and reread the lines and notes, to fully understand the part.

He devoured the thick script in under an hour. “How soon do you need to know if I want to read for the part?”

“This has been a difficult role to fill. We have all the parts cast except for this one. I would like to see today, if you can do the role justice.”

“May I take a little time to talk to my Mom and Dad.”

“Sure, that will be fine,” Timothy got up and left Julian alone, with Patrick and Tina Denver.

“Well that was quite cryptic,” Tina said. “Tell us about the part.”

Julian fidgeted a bit about how to describe the part. His brow furrowed, as he took time to think before he spoke. “Have you heard about Michelle Lang?”

“I’m not sure,” Patrick said.

“You don’t mean that lady who lived in San Diego, do you?” Tina said, blushing a bit.

“That is the one, Mom.”

“Pat, Michelle is a transsexual woman. She fought for the right to receive medical treatment, to prevent her masculinization. If I am right?”

“You nailed it first time, Mom. This role is not about her, I don’t think, but the context of the role, is similar.”

Tina blushed deeper, as she thought about her son being dressed as a woman. Julian was five foot four and at sixteen, he could still wear a boys’ size 14 shirt, as long as they were short sleeved and 18 pants, as long as he had a belt on. He could wear 16’s in pants, but it was hard to find them long enough for him.

“I can tell you that they selected me for my size, and my face mom.”

Julian was surprised when his Dad asked, “Is it a good role?”

Julian scrunched his brow and thought, “I don’t know how to answer that Dad, except to say, that it is well written and if the cast is any good, it could be a great movie. It’s certainly better than that dog that won best movie last year.”

“While I am not happy about seeing my son in skirts and dresses,” Patrick said, frowning. “I will support you, if you wish to play the part.”

Tina tried to hide a smile. Julian was an only child. Tina had had serious problems with her pregnancy, so she had her tubes tied to prevent her getting pregnant again. She missed not having a daughter. It would be nice having one, at least for a short while. “If it is alright with Pat, then I won’t say no. It’s your call Julian. Do you want to try to play the part?”

“I don’t know if I want to play the part, but I might as well read for the part, since I am here. I might not be able to do the part justice.”

>>>>><<<<<

Julian sat on a couch with Claire Bennett. Claire was cast as the mother of Charles Manning, the part that Julian was reading. Julian thought she looked quite nice, her hair was a rich brown with golden highlights, bright green eyes and a great smile. She was also quite tall, at least five foot nine or so.

Julian was made up to look like a slightly effeminate twelve-year old boy and they had him tuck his legs back, so that he was sitting on his feet, on the couch, to hide his height. His own brown hair, which came down to the top of his shoulders, was covered by a longer bright auburn wig, which was pulled back into a high ponytail.

Annette Williams, the director, had the two read over the scene several times, making comments about how the scene should be played. Julian and Claire then talked over the emotions, which the two would portray.

They then practiced the scene several times. Annette stopped them several times, to make some adjustments in how they were playing the scene. After twenty minutes, she called for the camera crew.

“Camera’s roll!”

“Speed!”

“Act two, scene three, take one,” a guy with a digital clapper said.

A few seconds later Annette said, “and action!”

(A tearful Christy looks pleadingly at his mother) “You’ve got to help me Mom. This boy’s body isn’t who I really am. I can’t stand the thought of growing up like a guy. I can’t live like that.”

(A confused Elaine looks at her son, Charles.) “Stop this foolishness, Charles. You are no more a girl, than I am a male.”

(Christy starts crying and straightens her back) “You know how much I hate that name. Don’t call me that, I am Christy, I want to be your daughter. I am your daughter.”

(Elaine turns towards Charles and takes his hands in hers) “You must stop that. You don’t know what you are asking me to do, Charles.”

(Sobbing harder Christy leans toward her Mom) “Of course I know what I am asking you to do. I am asking you to help me be whole, Mom. I am asking you to let me live. I will just die if I have to pretend to be your son Charles. Please Mom, let me live.”

(Elaine gets up and walks a few steps away, Christy collapses on a pillow sobbing.) “Where did you get this silly notion, that a boy can become a girl.”

(Christy sit up, tears streaming down her cheeks and turns to her Mom,)“It’s not a silly notion. I’ve known for a long time that I was different. Inside, I guess I have always known that I was a girl. I just didn’t know what all these feelings really meant, Mom.”

(Elaine throws her hands up in exasperation)“I can’t stand this… I… I just don’t under… stand you. I am going to make an appointment with Dr. Davis. Maybe he can talk some sense into you.”

“And cut,” Annette said.

Julian and Claire played a couple of other scenes for the cameras, before a smiling Annette called it a wrap.

Claire hugged Julian, as he had gone so deep into the role that he needed to calm down a bit. Julian had really gotten into character. He was given a tissue, so he could dry his eyes. Those were real tears he had cried.

>>>>><<<<<

Timothy joined Annette on the set and they began talking in hushed tones. They then turned to Julian and Timothy said, “We will have to review the tapes and talk with the staff, but you did an excellent job there, Julian.”

“Thank you, Mr. Carson.”

“Please call me Timothy. I can’t say with total certainty yet, but I think we have found our Christy. Now the question is, would you, if we offer you the part, be willing to take the part?”

Julian turned towards his parents; they had silently and watched their son, during the screen test. They looked at him wide eyed, not believing what they had seen.

“Like I said, it’s up to you son. That was one hell of a performance,” Patrick said.

A stunned Tina was speechless, she just nodded her ascent. She had seen her son act before, but he had just surpassed his best, previous efforts.

Julian knew that this part would be life changing; he just wondered how life changing it would be.

“If I am selected, I will take the part, Timothy.”

>>>>><<<<<

Julian didn’t have to wait long; he received a call the next day, asking him to come in the next day for tests. Timothy stated that Julian would have to pass Medical checkup and a costume test.

“The medical test is to find out just where you are in puberty. We don’t want to shoot the first part and find that you have grown six inches and filled out like a linebacker for the 49’ers. We have a lot of money riding on this. Secondly, we want to dress you in costume, to see just how good we can make you look. After meeting you, I don’t that is going to be a problem, but the backers want to see what you look like, before they commit.”

“I understand,” Julian said. “Let me talk to my Mom a sec.”

Julian turned to his mother and said, “They want me to come in for a physical and to do a costume test tomorrow.”

“They must be pretty serious to require a medical,”

“Timothy said that they want to see where I am in puberty. They are afraid I might sprout into a football player, or pro wrestler, in a year. Like that is really gonna happen.”

Tina laughed at her son’s comment. Patrick’s whole family of men could probably be made up to sort of pass as women, she thought, but she didn’t verbalize. “I can understand their concern, but I agree with you. I will get you there; your dad has to be at work. Just find out when and where.”

>>>>><<<<<

Julian and his mother made it to the studio a half hour early. They were taken to a Medical Unit there at the studio, where the medical tests were to be performed. For half a day, Julian was prodded and poked, blood pressure taken, blood taken, x-rayed, physically inspected, measured and weighed. Julian was five foot four and one hundred fifteen pounds. He had a twenty-nine inch chest, a twenty-six inch waist and a twenty-nine inch hips. A psych then asked him about a thousand questions, more than half of them quite embarrassing, but he understood why they were asked.

While Julian was being given his physical, another Doctor was getting some information from his mother. She was also told what they wanted to do if he passed as expected. With the parents’ permission, if he was given the part, they wanted to start him on an androgen blocker for the duration of the shoot. They gave Tina all the information on the drugs, who would administer the drugs and monitor Julian’s health, and what the overall effect would be. Tina was warned not to touch or handle the pills, or take them, if she was, or could become pregnant.

Fat chance of that happening, Tina thought. She also thought that this could be good for Julian. He was a good kid, not too macho, but at times he could be a little full of himself. He treated women ok; maybe he could be a pain at times. This could be a good lesson for him, walking on the fair side for a bit.

Timothy told Tina, that for the first part, Julian could change out of skirts and such, every day, but they hoped that he would go full immersion from the end of the first shoot, till the movie was wrapped up. Between the first shoot and the second shoot, they wanted Julian to go to ‘girl school’ so to speak.

“That will be a lot of training to unlearn after the movie is finished,” Tina said.

“We will give him a full medical and have psychologist on hand to deprogram him, so to speak.”

Tina was of two minds at this point. She really wanted to see her son embrace his feminine side, but she really didn’t want him mentally or physically harmed by the part and she really hoped her son would return afterwards. “If he wants the part, I won’t have any problem with it.”

>>>>><<<<<

At lunch Julian and Tina talked about what they were told. She didn’t like the fact that they wanted to put him on androgen blockers, but she said she understood the need. She said if it was a part that he wanted, she and Patrick would consent.

Julian told his mom about the physical. He had never had such a complete physical in his life so far. The Doctor seemed satisfied with what he had found. He then talked about the psych eval and how embarrassing some of the questions were.

“I guess they need to see if you are mentally stable enough to play such a demanding role. Some actors have gotten so lost in their roles, that it changed the way they were.” Tina said.

Julian looked down at his hands for a second and sighed a deep sigh, “I know Mom, and this is one of those roles, which could change a person. I still would like to give it a try.”

“I know son, just remember, your dad and I are real proud of you and we will love you no matter what.”

>>>>><<<<<

The costume test was really strange. First he had to strip to his shorts. Then a girl from makeup came in and gave his legs a wax job. A woman from wardrobe came in and embarrassed him, as she helped him put on a gaff. Except for his Mom and the doctor, no girl had ever touched him the way she had and he wasn’t sure his mom had. A couple of small breasts were attached to his chest. He was led to a cabinet and stepped on a turntable. He was given a golden full body spray tan, wearing only the thong style gaff.

The costume lady then stuffed him into a corset and took three inches off his waist. The small breasts began to look positively large, as his waist shrank and the stuff which was at his waist was pushed up and down. Garters were attached to the corset. The lady threaded the garters through his panty and then the lady showed him how to roll stockings on his legs and attach them to the garter tabs. Julian began to regret his choice a bit, but didn’t balk. He then had to put on a padded brief to fill out his hips. Three inch heeled, black patent pumps, were placed on his feet as he sat.

Being in show business, everyone has to have makeup. Julian was use to this, the bright lights tend to wash out skin colors and make people look pale. This makeup job though was different. The technician was doing an everyday look for a lady. She used her arsenal of potions, powders, pencils and such, to highlight and feminize his face. Most of the studio’s makeup artists are very good at their craft. This one appeared to be a master at transformations. Julian watched in a mirror, as she worked her magic. She hadn’t done much, but… Julian disappeared and a girl that could have been Julian’s sister, appeared.

His own hair was carefully tucked into a wig cap and he was crowned with a long curly blonde wig. The blonde hair fell to just beneath his faux breast. The makeup lady fussed with the hair a bit, till she was happy.

They had him stand and measured him again. He was now five foot seven and measured out at 32A+-23.5-33. The wardrobe lady then dressed him in a knee length, blue silk cocktail dress. A necklace, rings, bracelet and broach completed the look. When Julian was led to a mirror, he looked like a seventeen or eighteen year old girl, similar to a teen aged Avril Lavigne.

>>>>><<<<<

Tina was sitting on the set waiting. She knew how long things like this took, but she still was getting impatient waiting. A pretty young lady came out on the set and a photographer began giving her directions and taking pictures.

Tina was talking on her cell phone as she watched. The girl seemed a little ungainly on her heels. Tina knew then, that something wasn’t quite right. That is when she took a closer look. She dropped her cell phone and exclaimed, “Julian… is that you?”

The girl giggled at her mom’s antics, “Yes Mom, it’s me.”

“Oh, my gosh, you… you… oh my, you are beautiful.”

Julian smiled and blushed, it could be seen even under all the makeup. The photographer liked what he saw and kept taking pictures.

The photographer shot a couple of more rolls, before Tina was allowed to talk to her son… err… daughter. She walked around her child and looked at her up and down.

“I can’t believe how good you look, Julia. I surely can’t call you Julian looking like this.”

“It’s just the magic of Hollywood, Mom. Smoke and mirrors, like a magician.”

“Not all of it, Julia. I hadn’t noticed it before, but with your high cheeks, soft shoulders and I don’t see your Adam’s apple. You could easily be Julian’s sister.”

“I know, I had that same thought, Mom. I couldn’t believe it myself.”

The wardrobe lady came up and said, “Julian, we need to do a couple more costume changes.”

Julian went off with the lady. Over the next two hours, Julian was dressed in jeans and a T, white blouse and a black mini, and a black tank and longer than mid-thigh red school girl, plaid skirt.

Julian was relieved when the lady from wardrobe took off the corset, but he really missed the stockings. It was his first time wearing any of that getup; but the stockings were his favorite. His waist expanded back a bit, but still looked narrower than usual.

There was a spot of humor, when the ladies returned Julian to his normal state, after they removed the breast forms; he had two teardrop patches of white skin, where the breast forms had been. It sort of looked like he had been wearing a bikini while tanning. The girl from makeup quickly airbrushed his chest to a nice even tone.

He then took a wipe, and some cold cream, and took off his makeup, as the lady from makeup took off the wig and wig cap. She then brushed his hair into some semblance of a masculine style.

“Was this your first time en femme?”

“You mean dressed as a girl, right”

“Yes.”

“Yes, it was, hopefully I will get the part.”

“I think you will get it. You did really well. My name is Susan Fischer, by the way.”

“Keep the gaff on, get use to wearing one, also, you might want to practice getting into that thing.”

>>>>><<<<<

Tina met her son; she smiled when she saw him exit wardrobe. “You look good with a golden tan, Julian.”

“Yeah, they sprayed me down in a spray tan booth.”

“Mr. Carson should be here in a few minutes, we should find out about the part.”

Mother and son talked about what an experience dressing up was.

“It wasn’t too bad, except for that dang corset and the heels were a bit much after a couple of hours, Mom. I really loved the stockings though, I have never felt anything so exciting, it was a good thing that I was restrained.”

“Oh, how were you restrained?”

“They had this thing called a gaff… let me just say, it kept things out of the way. I also wore a padded brief, you know, one of those stretchy things, which had padding on the hips and butt.”

“I do know what a padded brief is.”

Timothy came into the room as they were talking. “Hey Julian, you got the part. I have your contract here. Take it to your lawyer and your agent and have them look it over. Please let us know as soon as possible if you want it. There may be some room to negotiate, but it is a very generous contract for a first movie. We would like to start shooting soon.”

Tina and Julian stopped by their agent’s office on the way home and dropped off the contract for review. They then stopped at an ice cream shop, near their home.

Julian had been very quiet since they had left the studio. He appeared to be lost in his thoughts.

“Julian, what’s on your mind?”

Julian was mindlessly stirring his sundae around, “Nothing, really.”

“I don’t believe that for one minute, son.”

Julian fidgeted a bit, he started to deny what he was feeling, but he came on out and exposed himself, “Well, I feel like I have to do this role. Face it; I am not a Justin Bieber, or a Michael J. Fox, although I still have the cuteness factor, for now.

“I know roles for guys, like Michael J. Fox, are few and far between. The little guys don’t get the girl in movies son, but there are other roles.”

“I am getting too old to play a young teen; unfortunately, that is what I am best suited for. I may never see a movie role that is a lead, or as well written as this one is. In some ways, I feel trapped. I am almost certain that I will be type cast after this part. At the same time, it might open similar parts to me. It looks almost like feast or famine, to me. At least after getting paid five hundred seventy five thousand, I won’t have to worry about college fees. I will be able to make a life for myself outside show biz.”

“I thought about that too, Julian and while I can’t make this choice for you, I will tell you this. I couldn’t believe how much emotion you showed in your screen test. I was almost in tears. From what I have seen of the script, I agree, it could be a great part. I concur that it might end your career, except for roles like it. I am proud of you, whether or not you take this role.”

“Julian, when I was a little girl, I knew a Transsexual girl and while I didn’t understand everything that was happening, I learned to accept her. She made me more open to people who were different. Julian, whatever happens, you are my child, your Dad and I will always love you. But if you ask me, I think taking this role might be the right thing for you, at this time.”

Julian wasn’t totally relieved, but a big burden had been lifted off of his shoulders, “Thank you Mom, I appreciate you and Dad so much.”

“Let’s go get some take out for dinner. What do you want, Chinese, Pizza, or Burgers?”

“Chinese sounds good.”

>>>>><<<<<

Two days later, Julian and his parents, with their agent and Lawyer, were in Mr. Carson’s office. They went talking over a few points of the contract.

Mr. Carson put on his glasses and was looking at the document, “The first thing we want to make certain you understand Julian, is the shooting schedule. We will be shooting for eight weeks, from the tenth of June. We have to finish up no later than the 25th of August, for two reasons. Claire Bennett has a prior commitment, beginning the third of September, till after the New Year. Secondly, we want you to take some lessons before we shoot the second half of the film.”

“What kind of lessons are we talking about?” Julian asked.

“We want you to study with a lady, who does male to female transformations, and to study on how to present yourself as a female. We want you to live as a girl between the two shoots and we will offer you an extra 75 grand, plus reasonable expense, if you will live as a girl your age, before the second session. The reasonable expenses will cover a new wardrobe and such things as necessary, for you to survive as a girl.”

“I can understand that and I’ll accept that as a challenge.”

“Next, we must require you to understand the Medical clause. You are past the cusp of puberty, any day now you could suddenly begin a growth spurt. We have a lot of money invested and at risk in this movie. If you were to suddenly sprout another six inches, bulk out and grow hair like a gorilla, it might be hard for us to finish filming. The doctors have already talked to you and your parents about this. We would like you to start today on an androgen blocker. I will let Dr. Davis, explain this to you again.”

Dr. Davis then got up and began talking. “What the androgen blockers will do Julian, is to slow the progress of your puberty to a crawl for a bit. At the dosages we will be prescribing, the medicine is safe and effective. We will be monitoring your health on a bi-weekly basis and give you detailed information on any side-effects for you to look out for. I will be taking good care of you till the end of this movie.”

The Doctor spent the better part of an hour on the full disclosure. He asked some questions and answered others.

“Nothing will be permanent then, right?” Julian asked.

“Nothing will be permanent for the amount of time you will be on the drugs. Your puberty will start back where it left off. We may even be able to give it a little kick start, with small doses of androgens and human growth hormones, after the movie wraps up.”

They talked for another hour and a half. One document that everybody was asked to sign, was a non-disclosure form. The producer and staff would decide when and what was released about the movie. Timothy stated that this was going to be a controversial picture and they would like to be finished, or almost be finished, before the full plot of the movie was released.

“I know that when you begin to live full time as a girl, as part of your training, this might all come out. If it does, we won’t hold that against you. We are just trying to get as deeply into the project as we can, before that happens.”

“Also, after the wrap up of the movie, we may ask you to hit the publicity circuits as a male, or in your role as Christy. We aren’t certain yet, how you will appear, but it should be as only one or the other. You won’t have to change back and forth. You will be compensated for your appearances.”

When Julian was asked to make a decision, Julian told them he would do the movie.

Some more people were called into the office and Julian got to meet the screenwriter Craig Summerland and the writer Wendy Wilson. Julian was surprised that Wendy Wilson was a transsexual, who was less than a year older than he. He thought she was too cute to ever have been a guy. They talked together for about ten minutes, before Timothy’s phone rang. After answering, he told them everything was ready.

Cameramen and photographers came in for the formal signing session. The signing was almost like a scene from the movie, itself. After signing, Julian was given a preliminary check of fifty grand. Julian went with the doctor and was given a shot and a bottle of pills to take.

Carefully worded releases, about the new movie, would be given the media, along with the publicity packages. Many movies are begun all the time in Hollywood; some hit the news, like a tsunami, this one would barely cause a ripple.

The signing party moved to an upscale Hollywood eatery. Timothy had reserved the backroom, for this occasion. Julian, Tina and Pat, were seated with Craig and Wendy. Julian found himself sitting next to Wendy.

Julian turned to his dinner companion, “It’s really good meeting you Wendy. I was very impressed by the story you wrote.”

Wendy began to blush and smiled at Julian, “Well I wrote the story, at the suggestion of my therapist. She knew I was an English Major and that I had written several stories for the school paper, so she suggested that this might be a good way to express my feelings.”

Julian had a look that showed that he was impressed with Wendy, “So this story is about you?”

“Yes and no, some of the things I wrote, came from my experiences. This story though, is really about all transsexuals. To some extent, each of us has to face so many obstacles, and road blocks, to become what we really should be. Not every one of us has gone through each, and every one of the experiences, but they all can relate too many of the issues covered by my story. I also have to thank Craig for turning it into a viable script. He is really amazing.”

“Don’t listen to her Julian. All I did was to refine the dialog, break it up into scenes and to add some of her notes on the emotions she was expressing. She did most of the hard work.”

“So tell me about yourself Wendy, help me to understand the transsexuals. When did you know you were different?”

“I guess, I have always known I was different, I just couldn’t put a label on it, till I was eight or nine. Some transgendered realize this sooner, and some much later.”

“You’ve used two terms I want to understand, transsexual and transgendered, are they interchangeable?”

“Transgendered is an umbrella term, and covers cross-dresser, transvestites, and transsexuals. Cross-dressers just like to dress in the clothes of the opposite sex; they don’t necessarily identify themselves as the gender they dress as. Transvestites sometimes do it for the thrill of dressing, or for fetish reasons. Transsexuals identify themselves with the opposite sex. There are various degrees of transsexualism and not every transsexual will agree with what I will say, but it will help you to understand. Some will live 24/7 as a member of the opposite sex, but they don’t have a strong desire to undergo sexual reassignment surgery. Some live in a sort of duality. They might face the world as what they are, but when they are alone they have to dress up so they can feel normal. Others feel that they can’t live or breath until their bodies match up with their spirits. Many who are denied that opportunity, or who fear the world if they carried through with it, can get suicidal. I was with this last group. If my mom hadn’t discovered me dressed when she did, I might have killed myself, out of the shame of my secret. Some of the most common emotions among transsexuals that aren’t out, are guilt, shame, loneliness and fear. This is just a simplification of the terms and definitions. It is a very complex issue.”

“You used the terms out and secret, so does that mean some are transgendered and they hide it.”

“Most of them do to some extent, if they pass or can function without discovery as a member of the opposite sex, they may keep it as a secret. They don’t feel that others need to know the truth. Most of society punishes those who they feel choose to be different. Others who should be dressing and living as a member of the opposite sex are afraid to do so. I hope to open people’s eyes to the plight of the transgendered and to help bring changes to how they are treated. Another area is the way organized medicine treats us. If a transsexual is identified early enough and given the right treatment, more and more of them could pass.”

“I was lucky, at twelve I was placed on androgen blockers. Most aren’t so lucky. Until age ten or so, there isn’t much difference between a boy’s body and a girl’s body. Once puberty kicks in, their bodies begin to rapidly differentiate. There are facial changes, bone changes, body shape changes, hair changes and so much more. There are treatments that can slow these changes and begin to shape them into the sex they feel they should be. The earlier these treatments can begin, the better the results in the majority of the cases. We just have to convince the medical community, that there needs to be changes in the way they treat us.”

“Why won’t they treat you earlier?”

“That is the crux of the problem. They don’t treat us, because these changes can’t be reversed. If a boy gets his testicles removed, they can’t be replaced if he changes his mind at some later date. If he begins taking female hormones, he can get the same results, he can irreversibly chemically castrate himself. If he doesn’t get treatment, then he bulks out, his voice drops, he gets broad through the shoulders, grows facial hair and many other changes. If he still wants to be a girl when he reaches eighteen, then the results will never look as good, as they could have been.”

“Still, that doesn’t answer my question.”

“Because they fear that people will change their minds later. They can’t uncastrate a male, they can’t put a uterus back into a woman. Those treated, can never bear, or have children of their own. Because of that, the medical community have come up with the “Harry Benjamin Standards of Care”. They don’t feel that anyone under the age of eighteen can truly understand the gravity of the treatments.”

“So transsexuals are caught between a rock and a hard place. They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.”

“Some transsexuals take matters into their own hands. There are some, less than legal ways, to obtain the medical treatments we want. Some go to places where the doctors are less concerned by the Standards of Care. Then others take matters in their own hands, some boys will castrate themselves, or have someone do it for them. The self-medicated, risk their health, there are many ways to get black market hormones. The best solution is the impossible one, that many transsexuals are presented with in their therapy, ‘The Magic Wand Treatment’. The therapists sometimes ask ‘If you could wave a magic wand and become whatever gender you wanted to be, what would you do? Or some words to that effect.”

“They actually asked you that?”

“I can’t speak for everyone, but mine did.”

Julian laughed and asked, “And what did you say?”

Wendy laughed and said, “I said, I would wave the friggin wand to become a girl and then break the son of a b****.”

“You didn’t?”

“I sure as hell did.”

“I like you, Wendy.”

“You’re not so bad for a guy either.”

Wendy and Julian agreed to get together several more times before shooting began, to talk over just what the issues were and how Julian could better portray the character.

>>>>><<<<<

Julian spent a couple of days going over the script, putting what he learned from Wendy, into context of his character. He had known there were transgendered people, even if he didn’t know the right words for them. He still wasn’t sure. Julian was far from understanding Transgender people, but he wanted to, and he was a lot closer than he had been.

He met with Wendy several more times, just to talk.

“When did your family find out you were different?”

“My Mom caught me dressed in some of her things. You see, she worked to support us, good ole dad wasn’t in the picture. I, for one, was glad of he left. He was a sorry bastard. I guess I was twelve. I was tall for my age and pretty lanky. My mom’s clothes fit me everywhere, except in the waist. I was glad my Mom had some high waisted girdles back then. I had made some bird seed breast forms, to put into the cups of my mother’s bra.”

“Bird seed breast forms?”

“Yes, it is a trick I learned on the Internet, I will show you what I mean. The Internet has been a godsend for people like us. Sharing information and experiences helps us. Anyway, getting back to your original question. I got home from school and headed directly to my mom’s room to dress up. I usually had about two hours to myself. I dressed up from the skin out, in one of mom’s dresses, a bra, panties, a waist nipper, pantyhose and a pair of medium heeled pumps. I was just putting on some jewelry, when Mom came walking in. There had been a traffic accident, a car had wiped out a power pole near my Mom’s office, so they had to shut down early that day. Mom wasn’t a happy camper, but she didn’t explode and beat on me.”

“The thing that she was most upset with, wasn’t that I was dressed as a girl, but that I had gotten into her things, without asking. I really was lucky, I guess.”

“Lucky?”

“Yes lucky. A lot of us have had far worse experiences, when they were caught, discovered, or found out. Some were beaten, some kicked out of their houses, some were severely punished, some were treated as a pariah and some were even killed.”

“Shit!”

“Exactly. Anyway, mom made me take her things off and get dressed in my clothes. We then sat down and talked for a long time. She knew that I was doing this. She had been finding her clothes moved around, and some of her clothes were getting stretched out at the waist. Finally, she made an appointment with a psych doctor. It took six months to convince the doc, and my mom, that I really was Wendy. I couldn’t get the treatment I wanted here, so we went to Tijuana, where we found a doctor who would start me on androgen blockers. The same doctor gave me estrogen and did an orchiectomy on me later.”

“Have you been ah… you know?”

“Not yet, hopefully next year I will have surgery to correct the plumbing. The girls are half and half. I grew to an A+ and had surgery to make them a full C. Another thing I had to do elsewhere.”

“Do many transsexuals go elsewhere?”

“Thousands of them go to other places for medications and surgery. It has become quite an industry.”

“Where do most of them get their clothing, if they are still in the closet?”

“You have got to realize first, that many of them are quite desperate. Some dress in their Mom’s or sister’s things, some go to stores, but that is a big leap, some steal clothing from laundries and clotheslines, but the biggest boon for them is the internet. You can buy everything you need on the Internet, including hormones, if you know where to look.”

“You can buy hormones on the internet, without a prescription?”

“Yes, but don’t do it. It can be very dangerous. You don’t know for sure what you are getting and even if you get the right things, hormones can be very dangerous. You can become seriously ill, or die. You really need a doctor who can look out for your health; even then, it isn’t entirely safe. That shows just how desperate some transsexuals are.”

Wendy showed Julian the ins and outs of using a computer to get what a transsexual needs on the Internet. She showed him some TS help sites, some support sites, geared to whatever age the user is, some TS chat sites, and some sites that had some TS fiction.

“Be careful on the fiction sites, some stories are pretty bad. Some stories have a lot of sex, bondage and torture. Some of them can be pretty sick. Also, be really careful on the chat sites, there are a lot of predators in some chat sites. Be very careful not to give away your location, or who you actually are. In fact, it is safer to chat at some Wi-Fi hotspot, than at home. There are some pretty sick, dangerous individuals out there.”

“Speaking about sex, are you attracted to guys or girls?”

“Yes. Gender doesn’t have any direct correlation to sexuality. It is hard to label. I mean, a guy who is a girl, likes a girl, is she a lesbian? A guy who is a girl, likes guys, is she straight or gay? Or maybe she likes both? Let’s just say, I am attracted to a person’s soul.”

>>>>><<<<<

Julian went to a local Starbucks, with his HP Notebook. He got a Carmel Mach and found a seat where he could surf without observation. He visited many of the sites Wendy had given him, especially the help sites. He adsorbed as many of the tips as he could. It was hard to sort out which tips were helpful, which weren’t and which, after much thought, were absolutely ridiculous.

He sat and thought for several minutes, “I guess I need to see what it is like, for myself.”

He took out his prepaid Debit card and visited some of the clothing and TS accessory sites. He had made a list of the things “He thought he would need, as a TS.” It wasn’t complete by a long shot, but he would learn this. He went on a shopping spree. He bought a couple of dresses, skirts, blouses, a corset, several types of gaffs, lingerie, makeup and a pair of breast forms, and had them shipped to his home. It was really a learning experience, which was overwhelming.

He created an online email account, under a name he picked out. He had thought long and hard about a feminine name, he chose Regan Michelle Cox. He then created an online chat name, KCRegan. He resolved not to say if KC was part of a name, or the location he lived.

He opened the chat program and logged in.

has logged in

Hey KC, welcome to the group. I don’t recognize the name, are you new?”

yes, I am new here. I just wanted to see what this place was like.

Several other people began to chat with KC. Julian asked some questions and got some answers. Soon, some of the girls worked out that he might not be a TS. He confessed that he wasn’t, but that he had a friend who was and that he really wanted to understand her. Some of the people wouldn’t chat with him after that, but some of them still did.

The ones who would still talk to him, were quite helpful and open about things. He was surprised when one of the girls sent him a PM.

Is that you JD?

WW?

Ahh so, nice meeting you here. It’s also good seeing you take this seriously

Yeah it’s interesting. I also ordered a bunch of clothes and things.

Oh really

Yeah, call it research and I am also interested

Coming over to the dark side

I don’t think so, I just really want to understand people like you

That’s good. If enough people understand things can only get better

I really like this role. It will be my best part so far, but could be my last

Your last

Yes. I could wind up being type cast or not able to find another job in movies

I hadn’t thought about that, sorry

Don’t worry about it. It’s not a problem. I love the role.

Ok, I can’t wait to see what you have bought. I will give you a grade on how you have done. Later, take care

Cya

>>>>><<<<<

Julian was away when the packages started arriving. Tina wasn’t a rocket scientist, but she figured out what they might be without opening them, even though most of the labels didn’t give it away. She just moved the packages to the spare bedroom.

When Julian got home, Tina just led her son to the spare bedroom and showed him the packages.

“Mom, I was just doing some research into the part.”

“I figured that part out, now are you going to open them and let me see what you have got.”

Julian found his mom’s reaction a little strange, but they sat on the bed and began opening packages. They sorted them out by what they were. Tina opened the package containing breast forms and began to giggle.

“Julian, you are going to need some different bra’s to get these into them. They are too big.”

“Guess I didn’t order the right size breast forms, or they sent the wrong ones. What size bra will I need?”

“You won’t know till I measure you with these on, take your shirt off Julian.”

Julian was a little uncomfortable doing this in front of his mom, but he still did it. Tina carefully read the instructions for the adhesive and remover that came with the breast forms. She then carefully applied them. He saw just how much bigger the forms were as his mom carefully placed them on his chest.

“They’re huge Mom.”

“They are not so big, just bigger than what you had on before. Lay there and hold them in place for five minutes, while I find my measuring tape.”

Tina left Julian there and went to her room. She got a measuring tape out of her sewing kit and on a lark she got one of her bras. Tina was a 36 C. Much closer to the breast forms than the 32A’s he had bought.

“Ok stand up Julian, I never thought I would be lending you a bra, but this bra should fit over those forms better,” she said handing him the bra. “Just hook it up in the front and turn the bra around then slip your arms into the straps.”

Tina then adjusted the straps so the bra fit her son better. Bras are better fit with a bra on. The bra lifts the breasts and makes them measure a little larger at the bust. She measure below the bra and at the widest point.

Tina talked to Julian as she measured him, “You round off the size to the measurements to the nearest inch, you are 29 and 37. You take the under bust measurement and add five inches to an odd under bust measurement and six to an even. That makes your band size a thirty four, thirty four from thirty seven, leaves 3 inches. A one inch difference is an ‘A’ cup, two inches a ‘B’ cup and three inches a ‘C’ cup. A three-inch difference makes your cup, a ‘C’ cup. Your bra should be a 34C. Comfort then, can dictate the right size. If the band of the bra feels too tight, or too loose, chose a larger or smaller band size and change cup size. That could mean you might feel better in a 32D or a 36B. Only you can decide that. A 34C is about an average size bust. A 36C is the most worn bra size. You are just about right for an eighteen to twenty two year old woman. As a woman matures, the band size might increase and the cup size might increase, if she has children.”

“Now try on your other things, I want to see.” Tina said with glee.

Julian had his Mom leave, while he put on one of the gaffs he bought. Some looked like thongs, others were tight panties, that had a little different construction. He then had his mom come back in, after he put on a padded brief.

“Okay, let’s get you dressed. Don’t take any labels off. We can still return the outer clothes and maybe the bras. The panties and briefs, can’t go back.”

Tina then helped Julian dress. Tina was surprised to see that the corset fit pretty well. She loved the lacy floral burgundy jacquard corset. She hated the things, but it looked so good on Julian, that she might have to get one. She took about two and a half inches off his waist. The dresses and blouses didn’t fit at all. They were too tight across the bust. The skirts fit well. Julian stood there in a bra, under bust corset and a really nice navy mini-skirt.
“You need to return the dresses and tops. The larger bust isn’t fitting. The skirts look really nice, though. I really would like a little longer skirt on my daughter, but even when I was a girl, I liked the way miniskirts looked on me. Put on some pantyhose, and let me get you a blouse.”

He had worn stockings, but had ordered pantyhose. He carefully opened the package and removed the pantyhose. The package had instructions inside; Julian followed the directions and had the pantyhose up to his knees, when his mom came back. She watched him pull them the rest of the way up. Tina had him pull them down to his ankles and pull them back up. The legs had been twisted a little, and it showed.

Tina then helped him into her frilliest silk blouse. It was an off white blouse, with lots of ruffles on the front. “Guys button up left over right, girls button up right over left,” Tina said.

She had Julian sit, as she put the shoes on Julian’s feet. She was again surprised that they were the right size, as she felt for Julian’s toes. She had known his feet were small, but didn’t realize that they were also narrow. He was a little unstable in the shoes, but he didn’t fall on his face.

“Now for makeup. Try to do your own and then I will help you. They scooped up the makeup and took it to the bathroom. The only help that Tina gave, was the order in which he should apply the makeup. Julian had been around makeup for years, so he had a head start. He applied the concealer, then foundation and pressed powder. He did a good job of blending it and feathering it out. The eye shadow was a different story. He remembered how the makeup artist had done it, but wasn’t sure about the colors. It was a lot of work to get both eyes close and he only did a fair job. Eye liner was a bitch, he kept wanting to blink and he found it difficult drawing a straight line behind his lashes. It took an hour of work to get an acceptable job.

“I give you an A for effort, but a C- for execution,” Tina said. “This is how most girls learn at first Julian, by trial l and error; as they get together with other girls and they share techniques.”

Tina then worked with her son. She cleaned off his face and then slowly showed him. With this tan, you are more of a summer, without it, I believe you are more of a winter.”

“Your foundation isn’t quite right. This is a common mistake. You really need help matching, a second opinion is good, or someone who is an expert can nail it down for you.”

She took what he had and worked with it. Tina showed him what group of colors worked best for him.

“In day time, less is more. Remember to KISS, keep it simple stupid. Dramatic eyes are for evenings and nights. You can create a whole slew of looks with makeup and have a great look. Don’t limit yourself to just a few colors, but take a good look at what you’ve done. If it works, it’s good. If it doesn’t look good on you, start over again. It just takes practice.”

Tina wasn’t a professional makeup artist, but she was good. She cleaned off her son’s face and redid it using her skill with cosmetics. Julian looked like a pretty older teen, when his mom finished with him. Tina had done a great job. Julian realized then that he had forgotten to get a wig. Tina worked with his hair a bit.

“It would be better if your hair was just a bit longer, but how does this look.”

“It looks pretty good.”

His mom had pulled it back into a twist.

“How about we package up what you need to return. I will buy you some things that you need. Then we will practice for a couple of days. When you feel you have got it pretty well under control and you look respectable, then we can go out, if you want to.”

Julian looked worried; he knew at that moment, just what a TS has to go through. “I don’t know Mom.”

“You are going to have to do it, sooner or later. I know you’re afraid, just rest assured that I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“We’ll see Mom, I know you are right. That doesn’t make it feel any better. The studio was a piece of cake, going out dressed will be a lot harder.”

“I know son, I just want you to know how proud of you I am.”

Julian kissed his Mom’s cheek and giggled, as he pulled back. He had left lip prints on her cheek. He didn’t know just how feminine that action was.

>>>>><<<<<

Tina went out shopping early the next morning.

After Julian got his gaff on, his mom helped stick the breast forms on. He had wanted to return the breast forms and get some smaller ones, but his mom wouldn’t let him. She talked him through on how most women put their own bras on. He found the eyes with his left hand and the hooks with his right. Reaching behind him, he brought his hands together and after he hooked it wrong a couple of times, he successfully hooked the top hook, to the top eye. The rest of the hooks and eyes were easier. The bra was up in his armpits because the shoulder straps were a little short. Tina told him how to adjust them. He found the slide and let out a little slack, and then he wiggled the bra a bit to get its position right. The bra lifted his boobs and held them up proudly.

After he finished putting on his corset, he put on his stockings, half-slip, red miniskirt, camisole, a white cotton blouse and a pair of two inch wedge sandals. Julian then tried his hand at makeup. Again, Tina gave her son tips, but she let him do the work. Julian made fewer of the usual mistakes, as he had used makeup before. With time though, he began to slowly develop a touch with ladies makeup. He just needed the years of training, a girl his age has.

Tina spent a couple of hours training her son to move, sit, walk and all the things a girl his age should already know. He learned how to walk in heels, as he talked to his mom. Tina corrected how he held his arms; he was doing the masculine arm swing. A shoulder bag helped to correct that. She then taught him to sit, stand up and keep his knees together. Another thing was that his mom made him set his handbag down next to him, when he sat, and pick it up, every time he stood.

“Why do I have to do that Mom?” Julian asked.

“It’s like muscle memory, you have to do it till it becomes automatic. Girls learn all their lives that they have to keep up with their purses. You lose your purse, you lose your wallet, keys, makeup and whatever girls keep in their purses. A girl has to know where her purse is at all times.”

Julian and Tina then had lunch. Lunch just turned out to be another lesson for him. He had to learn that girls didn’t order like boys, eat like boys and interacted differently than boys, while they ate.

After they ate, Tina told Julian to grab his purse and follow her to the bathroom.

“Why do girls go to the restroom in a pack?”

“Girls go to the bathroom together for many reasons. After they eat, they all have to fix their faces anyway. They powder their faces and repair their lipstick. It is a fashion faux pas for girls to have their makeup messed up. You either wear your makeup looking right, or not at all. Girls are more social creatures, they gossip, where guys can’t overhear them and also for safety reasons. It’s true that there is safety in numbers, guys don’t usually mess with a pack of girls. One girl says ‘Hey, I am going to the restroom, you want to come along?’”

“And every girl gets up to go?”

“At their table, except when they are at a bar. Two girls might watch their drinks, while the others go, and then the two that stayed go, when the others get back. Now-a-days, girls can’t be too careful when out drinking.”

“Date rape drugs?”

“Yes, it’s a shame that girls have to be trained to be so defensive. Girls like Wendy and who you are portraying, have to be almost paranoid about their safety, without drawing too much attention to what they are doing. I want you to be very careful, Julian, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Julian’s face creased with concern, he knew what she was talking about. He had read of the violence done to others who were different, “Why do people hurt each other, Mom? Why can’t they let each other live life like they feel they need to? They aren’t hurting anyone are they?”

Tina looked at Julian, but could only see a pretty young girl looking back, “That’s a million dollar question and I only have fifty cent answers.”

At two that afternoon, Tina got a phone call, “Hey Tina, it’s Pat. There has been an accident at our Seattle, plant. I am on the accident investigation team. I probably won’t be home for a couple of weeks.”

“What happened?”

“From what I have heard, apparently there was a cooling failure on one of our reaction vessels. Luckily there were no fatalities, although there were about a dozen injuries, a couple of the injuries are fairly serious.”

“Call us when you get to your hotel.”

“I will, I love you guys.”

“We love you too, be careful.”

Julian and Tina talked for a bit about what was happening. They turned the TV on to CNN, It took a while for any word of the accident to come up. It was big enough to make the news, but not so big as to require wide spread coverage.

“Julia,” Tina said, using the feminine form of her son’s name. “Do you want to go out to eat?”

“Like this?” Julian said, indicating how he was dressed.

“Yes, like this, Julia. Consider it training.”

“I’m not ready,”

“You’ll never be ready, if you don’t go. Come on, we will go to that new mall across town. You will only be one person, in a sea of people. You look so good, people will just see what they expect to see.”

“Just don’t hang me out to dry, Mom.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“Okay, I will.”

Tina helped Julia get ready and made up a purse for her. After refreshing Julia’s makeup, she added the cosmetics to the purse. She was amazed at how easy it was for her son to look so feminine. Tina then got herself ready.

>>>>><<<<<

Julian was a little frantic when they got to the mall. He was a little stiff in his demeanor.

“Just relax and enjoy yourself, Julia. No one can tell that you’re not a girl, unless you don’t relax and enjoy yourself.”

Julian took two deep breaths and relaxed. This is just a role, he thought to himself. Julian then took on the role of what he thought Julia would be like.

Tina noticed a change in Julia’s demeanor and smiled.

“Okay, let’s have some fun now.”

Tina and her daughter Julia, first spent an hour just window shopping and observing the patrons of the mall. They would stop and look at one display, or another, and talk about what they saw. Tina took them around to look at places that any teenage girl would normally be interested in. Julia slowly began to be more open and verbal about all of this. She was soon caught up in it. She saw and heard what other girls were saying and doing, and began to incorporate these things into her words and actions.

Tina was surprised when she heard Julia say, “Isn’t that skirt yummy, Mom.” She had pointed at a very short mini skirt.

Tina thought, two can play this game, “It’s kinda short for a girl your age, Julia. You can try it on, but we aren’t buying it dear.”

She took Julia’s arm and together they went into the store. Tina helped Julia find the skirt in a size she could wear. They then looked for some other things for her to try on. They found a few more skirts and several tops that would go with them. Tina then whispered into Julia’s ear and sent her into the dressing room.

Julia was scared stiff as she entered the dressing room. There were girls her age in various states of undress coming out and going into some curtained changing rooms. Julia entered one that was empty and closed the curtain. She then began changing clothes. He first tried on a frilly white silk blouse his mom had picked out and the tan ultra-suede mini skirt he had pointed out to his mom. He had put on the skirt first and had to unzip the skirt, to tuck in the blouse. As a boy, Julian had often tucked in his shirt after zipping and belting his pants. This skirt though, was tighter at the waist.

The skirt was fully lined in silk and had two gold chains that hung from hip bone, to hip bone. Julia really loved the feel of the skirt, inside and out .

Julia stepped out of the changing room and first admired herself in the mirror. The welts of her stockings showed just a bit, as she stood straight. The girl in the mirror was Julian’s wet dream. She looked good.

Julia then heard another girl say, “I wish I could carry off a skirt like you do. I just don’t have the legs for it. Mine are too skinny.”

“Oh thank you,” Julia said, as she turned to look at the girl.

The girl was raising the hem of her skirt, to match Julia’s.

“Your legs aren’t that bad. I think they are cute.”

“My legs would be a five compared to your eights or nines.”

Julia realized the girl was measuring herself by her legs. “You might need to add on a pound or two. At least you have good knees. Knobby knees can be such a drag.”

“I know what you mean there, girl. Yeah, I can see what you mean. Mom said that I need to put on a little weight, I am just afraid of becoming a blimp,” the girl said. She then pretended to stick her finger down her throat and said, “Gross!”

“You’re wearing a corset aren’t you?”

“Yeah, my regular waist is a twenty seven and I want to get it down to a twenty five or less.”

“Well you look good, unbutton your blouse and let me see your corset.”

Julia hesitated a second, but she remembered that she had a full coverage bra on and her breast forms didn’t show. She unbuttoned it enough so she could show the other girl.

“Oh, I like that. Is it comfortable?”

Julia honestly said, “It is a little uncomfortable, but it is a price that I am willing to pay.”

Julia then re-buttoned her blouse and went out to show her Mom.

“Oh, that looks nice on you. Turn around, so I can see all of it.”

Julia then turned for her mom.

“Stay right there a minute,” Tina said.

She left and brought back a saleslady. “I want my daughter to wear this outfit out of here. Can she do that?”

The sales lady smiled and said, “Sure, just see me when you’re ready to leave. I will take the tags off of her.”

Julia then tried on the rest of the clothes. Tina decided to keep one other skirt and all three blouses. Julia then got dressed again, in the new mini and blouse. The sales lady checked them out.

“Why did you change your mind about the skirt, Mom?”

“It will teach you more about skirt control. Every girl has to be conscious about her skirt. They don’t want to show the world what kind of panty they are wearing. You will have to smooth your skirt as you sit, or that one might ride up and show the world everything.

Julia hadn’t thought about that. She never had a reason to before today.

“Oh thank you so much Mom,” Julia whispered quietly and sarcastically.

Tina then led her daughter to a restaurant for dinner. After they were escorted to their table by the waiter, Julia then carefully set her purse on the table and did like her mother did, with her skirt as she sat and crossed her legs at her knees. The skirt rode up a little, it couldn’t help not doing so, but at least nothing more than the welts of her stockings showed. They took their menus, gave their drink orders and the waiter disappeared.

“Mom, my stocking tops are really showing.”

“I know, but you sat so nicely. That is also the reason some girls wear pantyhose, or nothing on their legs. Then some girls like their stocking tops showing, it can look so sexy. Eat lightly dear; you won’t be able to eat as much with that corset on. I like how it makes you sit up straight. Julian slouches too much, don’t you think?”

Julia remembered her mom telling her time and again to sit up straight at the table. As Julian, it was something he never thought about. Julia observed how she sat. She also noticed she wouldn’t be able to put her elbows on the table without leaning forward too much, that would be too uncomfortable. That was another thing her mom harped on Julian about.

They talked as they ate. Julia told her Mom about the girl she had met in the dressing room.

“Girls your age Julia, are sometimes obsessed with their figure. Some go on some ridiculous diets, or resort to throwing up, to lose weight. It’s ashamed how some girls treat overweight girls, also. Girls can be so vicious in their criticism of other girls’ figure faults. Boys taunt too, but then they get physical. Girls just get more viscous with their comments. There are more girls today that do fight, however. A lot more than when I was your age.”

“I have been seeing that even at my school, Mom. The last week of school there was a big catfight in the cafeteria. I stayed way the hell out of the way. One guy got kicked where it hurts when he tried to break them apart. The girls were practically naked by the time the teachers got them under control.”

“I never heard about that.”

“It’s not something Julian would have talked about. They both tore each other’s blouses off. One girl’s breasts were showing and the other girl’s skirt was torn to the waist. She had lacy pink bikini panties on.”

“Oh my. I am glad you didn’t get wrapped up in that fight. What were they fighting over?”

“A boy. Timothy Granger.”

“So you knew them?”

“Somewhat, they weren’t friends of mine, but we weren’t enemies.”

Julia uncrossed and re-crossed her legs carefully, in the other direction. She really appreciated the napkin on her lap.

After they ate, they headed to the ladies room for comfort and to repair their makeup. Julia wanted to run, but kept following her Mom, as they entered ‘NO MAN’S LAND’. Julia was smart enough to sit and to make sure the skirt was all the way back down, when she finished. She ran her hands over her backside, to the hem, before she opened the door. She loved the feel of the skirt and her hose.

Her mom was already touching up her face, so she did the same.

Tina then steered them to a major department store, up to the cosmetic counters. She arranged with one of the ladies hustling cosmetics, for Julia to receive a makeover. A lady named Beverly, greeted Julia and had her sit on one of their stools. Julia had to carefully step up, and turn to sit, as she smoothed her skirt. She then crossed her legs at the knee. Beverly just smiled at her maneuver.

“First mini?” Beverly asked. Julia just nodded. “You did that very nicely,” Beverly stated.

Beverly first looked at the makeup Julia wore. “Did you do your own makeup?” Beverly asked, but she never gave Julia the opportunity to answer. “You did pretty good. You just need to choose your colors better and work on your technique some.”

The lady cleaned off Julia’s face and started from scratch. She gave the young girl a step by step tutorial on skin care and makeup; suggesting what would look best. It seemed that nothing Julia wore was right. Beverly made sure she knew that she hadn’t done a bad job, but it wasn’t the best job. Beverly then went on to prove her statement. She showed the girl a number of good looks and Julia gave the woman her rapt attention as she worked.

Julia knew she had originally done a fair job, but she saw that Beverly was an artist, as good as some of the people in makeup on the sets Julian had been on. Some of them were magicians. Tina spent a small fortune getting the makeup and skincare products that suited Julia. She smiled at her beautiful daughter and felt pangs of regret. She would only be able to do this with her for so short a while.

Julia loved what Beverly had done for her. It just felt so right and at the same time it felt so wrong. She was conflicted about all of this.

Tina took Julia on the acid test. She walked her by Victoria’s Secret and into Frederick’s of Hollywood. Victoria’s Secret is sexy, but a little bit more conservative than Frederick’s. Some of Frederick’s things are downright sleazy in comparison. Frederick’s does have some nice things though. Tina maneuvered them to the sexy, but nice things. Julia had to try on a dozen bras, while they kept two. Tina selected some sleepwear and the next smaller over the bust corset for Julia while she was in the fitting room. She also bought a matching corset for herself.

Lastly they stopped at a shoe store, Mother and daughter came out wearing matching four inch heeled patent leather pumps in black. Tina had to help Julia some, but she was surprised at how well her daughter was doing.

At home Tina had Julia strip down to her panties. She then wrapped the new corset on her daughter and helped her with the stockings. She helped Julia into a short silky chemise and robe. Tina then took some things into the bathroom, where she changed into her corset, stockings, heels, chemise and robe.

Together they went into the living room and watched a couple of R rated chick flicks on cable.

>>>>><<<<<

Julian woke early the next morning, on the couch. It was still dark, but he was wide awake. It was hard for him to sit up, he had to pull himself up. The corset he was wearing prevented him bending up at the waist. He saw that he was still dressed as he was when he had watched the movies with his mom, except the heels were sitting on the floor next to the couch. He wasn’t feeling bad; he just wasn’t feeling good. The cable control box showed the time was five twenty-seven. He put the heels back on and with some effort, managed to make it to his bathroom. After relieving the pressure in his bladder while sitting, he stepped out of the underwear.

Feeling a little better, he looked at himself in the large mirror above the sink. His face was a mess, so he cleaned it, using his makeup wipes and used his new cleansing potions. Even without his makeup, he looked more like a Julia than a Julian, even just from the neck up. He had to laugh a bit at the incongruity the reflection gave him. He saw a big busted teenage girl, in a corset, with a six inch penis, looking back at him.

He took off the chemise, unhooked the stockings, untied and loosened the corset enough to take it off. It felt good to be unrestrained. He stretched and scratched everywhere, except under the firmly attached breast forms, before turning on the shower. After he felt clean again, he realized that he had a decision to make, to stay as Julia again, or to become Julian. It would be easier at this point to stay Julia for now, with the breast forms still in place and he thought his mom might appreciate waking up to Julia. So he set about getting Julia ready for the day.

>>>>><<<<<

Tina awoke when the sun rose over the neighbor’s home and lit up her bedroom. She had trouble sitting up. She had worn corsets before, but never had gone to bed before, wearing one. She smiled when she saw herself in the mirror. She looked good, even with her hair in a mess. She might just have to start wearing a corset more often. After taking care of her immediate needs, she undressed and showered. When she came out of the bathroom, she smelled coffee. She quickly put on her panties and robe, before she followed her nose.

Tina was surprised to see a fully dressed Julia. Her hair was in fresh curls and her makeup subtle, but nice.

“Good morning, Mom.”

“Good morning Julia. You look so nice, how long have you been up?”

“I woke up about five thirty and needed to take a leak. Once I woke, I was awake.”

Tina knew that Julian was that way, as long as he had more than three or four hours sleep.

“How did you do your hair and makeup?”

“I used your curling iron and setting gel on my hair, after I showered. I remembered what Beverly did to me and did my best to copy it. Did I do a good job?”

“Yes, you did a very nice job, you look very good. Are you wearing your other corset too?”

“Yes, I had too; my skirts are just a little too tight without one.”

“I need some coffee.”

Tina got a cup of coffee and looked over her daughter, as she drank it. Julia was dressed in the frilly silk blouse she had worn from the mall, a straight almost knee length black skirt, pantyhose and the four inch black patent pumps. She looked vibrant and beautiful.

“So tell me, how do you feel about being Julia right now?”

“Strange and confused. It would have been hard to be Julian with these boobs still attached.”

Tina almost blew coffee out of her nose; she had forgotten that she had used some adhesive on them.

“I figured, you might appreciate waking up to Julia, this morning. It almost feels natural being Julia. I don’t know what to say. I looked at myself after I got out of the shower. From the neck up, the face went well with my body from the hips up. Granted, the corset did crush me down to a smaller waist, it was still pretty narrow after my shower. I almost… no, I did have an hour glass figure, that just needed a little more hip. It was just like that girl I met; she just needed a little more meat on her body to have a really nice figure. Even before all of this Momma, I didn’t have a feminine, nor a masculine figure.”

“You have an androgynous figure. Your figure is neither male nor female, but both at the same time.”

“That’s it and with a little work, I can tip the scale either direction. Just now though, it is easier to be Julia than Julian.”

“I was surprised at how well you did at the mall. You were a little stiff and hesitant at first, but you seemed to gain momentum, as the afternoon wore on. What happened?”

“You told me to relax and basically act like a girl. I just started to play a role. I became Julia. I had some arguments with myself, but Julia kept winning them.”

“Don’t tell me that you want to stay this way?”

“No Momma, I am not saying that… at least not yet. I don’t know, it’s so damn confusing.”

“Oh dear, let’s just keep this between ourselves for now. We can tell dad later, if we need to. It’s not something I have done, is it?”

“No Momma, it’s something that has been starring me in my face for years, I just didn’t realize what it was.”

Tina hugged Julia tightly, “I love you, you’re my child, whether you are Julia or Julian.”

Julia cried on her Mom’s shoulder as she said, “I know Momma. I love you too.”

Tina got dressed. Julia and her went out to eat brunch. It was eleven thirty when Tina’s cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID, “Its dad,” she said before answering it.” “Hello Pat, how are you doing?”

“I am doing alright, but the situation up here is really FUBARed. I won’t be home for a couple of weeks and then I will be up here most of the summer trying to put this place back together again. Corporate says that we need to get this plant going, as soon as possible. At least nobody was killed. There were a handful of injuries, but only two of them were serious and they should recover. Half the plant is shut down and about of a fourth of it needs to be rebuilt. I will know more later when I can get to come home.”

“Just be careful, Pat. We both miss you.”

“I miss you two also, give Julian a hug for me. Love ya.”

“I love you too, take care.”

“I need to get back to work; I just wanted to give you an update. Bye honey.”

“Bye.”

“That was your dad, Things are worse up there than was first thought. He won’t be back for two weeks at least and will be gone for most of the summer.”

“Bummer,” Julia said.

“Yeah, it’s a real bummer.”

“Let’s invite Wendy over to our place this afternoon, Mom.”

“I think that that is a good Idea.”

Julia got out her cell phone and called Wendy Wilson, the storywriters’ name behind the movie. Wendy and Julia talked for several minutes, before Julia asked Wendy to come over. Wendy was excited about the opportunity and said that she would love too. Julia gave her their address and directions to their place. After a short pause Wendy said, she could be there in a little over an hour.

Tina and Julia were home for about forty minutes, when the doorbell rang.

“You stay here Julia, I will get the door,” Tina told her daughter.

Julia could hear her mom at the door, greet and invite Wendy in. She heard her mom’s heels clicking their way back. She stood just before they entered the living room.

“Hello Wendy,” Julia said, as she saw the girl.

“Julian?... Is that you?... Ohh wow, it is you.”

“Yes it is me, although I prefer to go by Julia when I am dressed like this.”

“Why?”

“Call it research. One of the things I found in most bio’s and stories, was the fear they faced the first time they went out. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, of course it is.”

“Well, I now understand what they were talking about.”

Wendy crossed the room and hugged Julia. They then sat down in the living room.

“You must tell me all about this Julia.”

“First, would anyone like anything to drink?” Tina asked. “Coffee, Tea, Coke, or water.”

“Coffee, please,” Wendy said.

“Me too, Mom.”

For the next two hours, they talked about the transformation of Julian into Julia. Julia explained everything she did and how she felt about this or that. Wendy made comments and asked very pointed questions, while Tina gave her observations of what they did. Wendy held Julia’s hand as they talked.

“I hate to admit, that you look better than I do now. What is disconcerting, is that I started early and I have been on hormones for two years.”

“Wendy, I think you look gorgeous,” Julia said.

“Thank you Julia, but let’s be honest here. In a two transsexual beauty contest, I would place second to you. I know I pass as a girl. I have always been proud of that fact. You don’t just pass Julia, you surpass.”

Julia sat quietly for several seconds and thought, “I…I…I…”

“Let me ask you a question. Do you think that you will ever go back to being Julian full time?”

“I… I… don’t know right now.”

Wendy read Julia’s body language. As much as she could tell, Julia had given Wendy an honest answer. In her heart though, she felt Julian might just be lost forever.

“I still think that I am very rough,” Julia said.

“We want you a little rough right now,” Wendy said. “The time for polish will be when we do the second session of shooting. Now tell me, if you had this to do all over again, would you still do this?”

Without hesitation Julia said, “Without a doubt, I would. If I go back to being Julian, I feel that this has been a wonderful experience, at least so far. I feel I understand women better and women like me better now.”

Wendy couldn’t help but smile. At the same time, she felt a little guilty for putting Julian into this situation. Even though she knew in her heart, that dressing as a girl doesn’t magically turn a boy into a girl on the inside, she still blamed herself a little.

Wendy changed the topic of conversation from Julia, to the movie, and Julian’s role in the movie. She had to open up her soul a bit, as she conveyed the role as she saw it and compared it to the TS girls she knew. She loved talking with Tina and Julia/Julian. She wished that Patrick could have been here, but maybe things might not have been so open. Girls, after all, found it easier to share what was in their hearts, when it was just girls. Wendy really did want to know how Julia’s father would accept this, and what he felt. Julia’s mom though, was wonderful; Wendy wished that more of her TS girlfriends would be as lucky. Well, chalk one more up to the sisterhood, she thought.

Wendy, Tina and Julia had a wonderful time. Wendy stayed with her new friends, till after dinner. Tina, she found, was an excellent cook and had shared a half glass of a really excellent wine with them.

“Julia, your next meeting with the production staff is Thursday, right?” Wendy asked.

“Yes, they are supposed to hand out our revised scripts and give us an updated shooting schedule.”

“You need to appear as Julian. The production staff is pretty liberal, but let’s just keep this… research, between us. Oh, you can always call me, if you need to talk about things. Later, I can take you to one of our support group meetings.”

“Okay, I understand,” Julia said.

“Also Tina, I think it is a good idea for Julia to talk to a therapist qualified in gender issues. Not every therapist is good in that area. Some of our people have had bad experiences with therapists who try to talk us out of transition, make transition impossibly long and put up all kinds of roadblocks, to us getting the help we need. A gender qualified therapist will be able to determine what Julia may or may not need. I can give you a list of therapists if you want.”

“They wouldn’t mold him one way or the other?” Tina asked.

“No, a good therapist will help Julia, or Julian, find out the truth for him, or herself. They shouldn’t play GOD and experiment with the well-being of your child. Julia’s, or Julian’s, mental health should be at the top of their list.”

“I will give you my email address and I’ll look forward to receiving that list. Thank you Wendy.”

Wendy kissed Tina’s and Julia’s cheeks. She stood back and took in Julia’s appearance one last time. She winked at Julia and said, “See ya later, alligator,”

Julia giggled, winked back at Wendy and said, “After while, crocodile.”

>>>>><<<<<

Monday and Tuesday had been wonderful. They had gone out and had done many of the things that mothers everywhere wished that they could do with their older teenage daughters. Tina explained that most of the time, girls in their mid to late teens, think that doing things with their mother, wasn’t cool. Julian knew what she meant, but Julia loved the new sense of closeness she felt.

Tina got Julia to dress in her ultra-suede skirt, pantyhose and her heels. Julia refused, unless SHE also dressed in a very short Mini. They had to go into Tina’s closet to search and nothing was suitably short, according to Julia. She did agree to go with Julia and let her pick out a skirt.

At the mall, Julia pulled her Mom into a junior’s shop. It was an upscale junior’s store. The clothing wasn’t as expensive as some of Tina’s things, but nothing here was cheap. Tina had to think about what her size would be, in a junior’s store. It had been nearly fifteen or sixteen years since had shopped for Junior’s clothing. She had a twenty-nine inch waist and almost a forty inch hip. If she didn’t watch things, she could easily could go pear shape,

“I guess I am a nine or an eleven, better make it an eleven,” she said

Juniors clothing tended to cater to younger girls in their styling. The two of them looked around at the merchandise. Julia found a skirt she liked and held it up to her mother.

“No, I don’t think so, I would need a Miss’ tall blouse to wear, that wouldn’t expose my belly. That skirt would ride too low on my hips,” Tina demonstrated where the waist of the skirt would be on her. “How about this skirt? It is a high waist skirt, that would hit me about here and the hem would be about here.”

“I think I might like that skirt too!”

Together, they went to the changing room and took the same room. Tina put her skirt on first; the waist was a good two to three inches below her bust. She couldn’t ever remember wearing a skirt this high and this short, but it looked spectacular on her. Julia was having trouble getting her skirt on.

“You need to pull it up HIGHer Julia,”

Tina unzipped it and pulled the skirt higher. It was almost to the underwire of the corset. It zipped right up. It was short on Julia, but it looked good.

“Let’s wear these out.”

Tina and Julia wore their new skirts out. They looked almost identical, except that Tina had three inches of height over Julia. They drew a lot of attention, so Tina began teaching Julia how to deal with unwanted attention.

“You can’t play coy with guys. With your looks, you could attract wolves from miles away. You also can’t be too rude. An angry suitor, could be dangerous to you. Try not to flutter your eyes, or look down too much. Get your point across as tactfully as possible. Most importantly, you need to be aware that there are people who prey on girls. You can’t let fear rule your life, but you have to look out for your own safety. You are safer in places with a lot of people and places that are well lit at night.”

Together, they went to the mall, not to shop, but to let Julia observe the people there. They both got Ice creams and walked around talking. Julian had been to the mall before, but he had been focused differently back then. Julia was more observant of people and how they interacted.

>>>>><<<<<

At home, they dressed for bed, Tina was addicted to hostess style PJ’s, with draw string waists. She lent Julia a nice yellow satin PJ set. Tina then helped Julia go over her current up to date script. It had been messengered in, the day before. Julia checked the calendar and turned to the first scenes that would be shot and went over them. Tina was amazed to see how her child took to a role. He first read the script and then he reread it. During the reread, he tried placing himself in the character’s shoes and imagined how the character would act and react.

Christy was a very complex person, she tried so hard to live a life by other people’s expectations, till at the age of twelve, it was either come out as a girl, face a nervous breakdown, from denying what he really was, or ending it all. She didn’t really see suicide as probable, but it was possible, considering the pressure and stress he lived with. He was prepared to run away from home, when he came out to his mother.

Julian had read many biographies of Transsexuals that he found on the Internet. He thought he understood them at least a little. There were many themes that ran through almost all of them, denying the way they felt, hiding the truth, fear of discovery, and fear of how the ones they loved would react. Many of the people would dress for a while and then out of guilt, would purge their closets, living miserable lives, only to buy more clothes and things, to feel normal again.

It was sort of like a bulimic. The person would gorge on femininity, purge, gorge, ad infinitum. During this time, their mental health would spiral down to a breaking point, till there were no options. The people would have to be honest to themselves, or face serious life consequences.

Not all of the biographies were this dreary early on, and not every person had to live 24/7/365 as they saw themselves, but the most were.

Julian hugged and kissed his Mom, suddenly realizing that that was something he had drifted away from, as he had gotten older. Tina was surprised, but happy at the same time.

“Mom, I haven’t done that, before going to bed, in a while, have I?”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Don’t let me forget to give you a hug and a kiss before bed. I need it and so do you.”

Tina smiled and gave Julian a big hug and a kiss, “I like that idea. I didn’t realize just how much I missed them.”

>>>>><<<<<

The next morning, Julian was back and up early. He removed all traces of Julia, he had to wash his hair three times, to get the curl out. Tina gave him a close inspection, before he sat down to eat breakfast. They then headed out to the studio.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, they would be doing rehearsals, just reading the script around a table and getting into character. Saturday, was for fitting of costumes. Then Monday, they would begin to shoot.

Wendy and Dr. Blevins, a psychologist, sat on either side of Julian. They would give their insight into the character’s emotions and feelings, at various times. They were both surprised at how Julian took to the character. He read his part really well; they just had to polish his character a bit.

The read through was videotaped, so the screenwriters could go over it that night. They made notes on what Wendy and Dr. Blevins said and how well the read went.

At lunch, Wendy and Dr. Blevins ate lunch with Julian.

Dr. Kathryn Blevins observed Julian and Wendy as they ate. All three of them talked about the role and how it should be played. Wendy and Kathryn commented on how well Julian read the part.

“Julian, I can’t believe how well you adapted to the role. I know that it is a tremendously hard role. Tell me; are you transgendered by any chance?” Dr. Blevins interjected.

“I don’t know… what do you think I am?”

“I don’t know, that is why I was asking.”

“And how does that make you feel?” Julian replied in a deadpan of a psych.

Kathryn smiled and then began to laugh. “It’s Dr. Denver, is it? No, I just find it eerie how much like Wendy you seem to be. Add that, to the androgynous demeanor you have, it just led me to ask.”

“Wendy and I have talked quite a bit about the role and I did a lot of reading on the Internet. Some of those stories are quite extraordinary, I think. Some of them are quite sad, too,”

“Yes, they are. Some are too sad. I hope this movie helps others like Wendy. I know this may just be a role, but if you need to talk to someone, here is my number. I will be on the set for quite a bit, but call me if you need too. I will help you get back to normal, if that is what you want, after this.” Kathryn said, handing him a card. “My office number is on the front and my answering service number is on the back.”

“What is normal? Normal is over rated, I think.” Julian stated.

“I think so too, there are too many people acting like others think they should, out there. People need to let loose every now and then.”

>>>>><<<<<

Thursday and Friday, they went over changes to the script, before continuing the read. Julian was really getting to like Claire, the woman playing Elaine, his on screen mother. She was not unlike his own mom. More importantly, they played well with each other. They had that chemistry when they got into their parts.

In one scene, Claire and Julian were standing facing each other, in an emotional scene. Elaine just had too much, and snaps. Christy was pleading with her mom and Elaine loses it, and slaps Christy. Things were so emotional when Claire read the action, she just reacted and slapped Julian. Only it wasn’t a stage slap. Julian kept in character, cringed and shied away from her.

Claire was horrified that she had actually slapped Julian, during the read through. She had just reacted to the part, “I am so sorry Christy, forgive me.” Claire reached down to the cringing child and drew her into a hug.

“That’s it. That is just what I want.” Annette said, clapping.

Julian stood and massaged his cheek. The reading had gotten really intense and he knew that that was how the critical scenes of the movie should go. Claire had surprised him, but he didn’t hold it against her. He went over to her and gave her a hug.

“That was a great scene, Claire. You really got into character.”

“You did too, Julian. I am so sorry for slapping you like that.”

“No problem. You just did what came naturally.”

>>>>><<<<<

Julian was in Wardrobe, Saturday. The lady in charge had him go through all the clothes they had picked out for him, for the first shoot. The clothes ranged from androgynous, to slightly effeminate. An acting coach was there to help him understand how he was to act, dressed in the various outfits. It was explained that many transgendered acted differently, according to how they were dressed. This was especially true, if they were still in the closet, so to speak. They weren’t always a hundred percent correct all the time, as certain aspects of their character would come through, regardless of how they dressed. This was the reason some of them got into trouble. That is, some of their feminine mannerisms and attributes might come through, when dressed as a guy, conversely, some of their male mannerisms could be seen, when they were dressed as a girl.

The coach had him practice things in a slightly androgynous, to an effeminate way. Like how he walked, how he stood or sat. There were so many small things that made up the total picture of the character he was portraying. Wendy came in with her laptop, before and while she was transitioning, she had made scores of videos, as she tried to refine herself. Julian could see how she retrained herself, so to speak, to be the person she should be. At first, her feminine gestures were at times, over the top, but as time went on, her actions became more natural and fluid.

“It really is a learning experience isn’t it?” Julian asked.

“It really is. It may seem ridiculous, but genetic girls train their whole lives on how they should act and move. They don’t realize that they are doing it; they just do it. You have been trained how guys should act and move, from watching your father, the guys you hang around with or see all of the time. When you change sides, so to speak, you have to un-train what you already know and work at acting and moving like what you want to portray yourself as. There is a lot of muscle memory in the way you do things.”

“That would account for the incongruities, which sometimes slip through. You know what I mean, Wendy. When I first saw you, I couldn’t believe you were ever a male, but as I have observed you more, there are certain things you do, that are slightly masculine.”

“Exactly, everyone has some feminine and masculine traits. If you see a girl throw a baseball like a guy, you don’t automatically think she is a guy dressed as a girl. If she also walks with her feet wide apart, scratches her crotch in public and farts without embarrassment, you might start to wonder about her. A TG girl might make a lot of slip ups, as she learns to be more feminine. That is one thing that scares a lot of us. Those of us that are still in the closet, sometimes are fighting a losing battle.”

“So, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a chicken.”

Wendy scowled, punched Julian in the arm and said, “Julian you are so bad.”

“You have no idea,” he said, giving her the ‘EYE’.

>>>>><<<<<

Monday, they started shooting, they started doing the studio shots of the home, that Charles and Claire lived in. The set looked like a normal everyday home, at least half of the set did. The other half, looked like one of those big warehouse sets. Out the windows, a whole neighborhood could be seen. There was a city street, neighboring homes with lawns.

Julian learned that a movie wasn’t shot from scene one, to scene two, etc., but was shot by locations. In other words, they would shoot all the scenes that took place in the same area, together and then pieced them together in the correct order, while in edit.

They worked ten to twelve hour days, with hours of preparation, for five minutes or so, of shoot time. They shot each scene at least two times, to make sure they got it right, but some critical emotional scenes might be shot four or five times, and one scene they took twelve takes. Not because of flubbed lines, or anything they did that was wrong, but so they could incorporate different camera angels, or try different ways of handling the scenes. One scene they shot; was a shouting match and then when they reshot it, it was a cold, quiet, tension filled, argument.

The first week, they concentrated on twenty scenes that were the heart of the early movie. Julian was amazed at the tricks they used, to disguise his true age. Being short was an asset, but as they viewed the raws, he could see how the different camera angels worked and the scenes, where Claire was standing on two or three inch blocks, when she was next to Julian.

Julian also had fun acting like a twelve year old kid again. He had done a few shorts, where he played a kid, so he just had fun. Some of the antics he pulled, had the crew laughing in stitches, like where he hopped onto the Director’s lap, like a little girl, and said, “Mummy, if I’m good, can we get ice quweem.” The camera had still been rolling, because the cameraman saw the mischievous look in Julian’s eyes.

Annette had been caught off guard, talking with one of her assistants. She talked to Julian, as if he were an eight year old girl, “Christy, you will be good, regardless of whether we get ice cream or not, or I will turn you over my knee and spank you young lady.”

“Ohh fuu, your’re no fun mummy.” Julian said pouting.

His antics actually served a purpose, whether he realized it or not. They served to break the tension and raised the mood around the set.

That scene was shown first, the next day, as everyone watched the raws.

>>>>><<<<<

Saturday, was the first break they had, they only shot for five hours that day. Julian was glad, it had been an emotionally draining week on the set. He had never realized how tiring, it was. He could often be found in his dressing room with Wendy, and one or more of his assistants, decompressing for a bit. Today, Julian got to enjoy time with his mom and dad. Patrick could only spend the day in town, as he had to fly back north Sunday afternoon. He needed this time to decompress himself.

Patrick wanted to hear about everything that had happened, since he had to leave. It was good for him, as he felt reconnected with his family. Sure he had called home a couple of dozen times, but there was nothing like being with your family. He didn’t like having to talk about what he had been doing. That was too much like work to him, but he knew that his family needed to know, about what he had been doing.

Patrick took his family out to eat and then to an arcade. He wanted to have a good time with them. He also watched Julian closely, without being obtrusive. Julian’s mannerisms had changed. He might not have noticed it if he had been home all this time, but his child was acting more effeminate. It wasn’t a huge change, but it was noticeable. He chose not to say anything, as there was still a lot of the movie left to be shot yet. There was nothing that could be done right now, without hurting Julian’s acting.

There were some tearful goodbyes, as Patrick had to say goodbye to his wife and child. It was hard thinking of Julian as his son right now, he was something in between, really. Patrick wondered what would happen as the weeks went by.

>>>>><<<<<

Wednesday, the cast reviewed all the raws with the director and production staff. The producer and director then went to a conference room, to have a discussion. They sequestered themselves there for about three hours, as they checked off scene after scene that had been shot and decided that they needed to reshoot three scenes. The assistants were sent scurrying out, with the schedule for Thursday and Friday, and the notes from the production staff.

Thursday and Friday, they got the scenes done and late Friday, they were sent home for the weekend. Monday, they would start shooting a different, less stressful block of scenes.

>>>>><<<<<

Saturday, Patrick was still up north, some critical equipment had come in and he and his crew had to get it installed asap. With this equipment in, the damaged section of the plant could get back to a limited production. Corporate needed this section to start working again.

Julian asked his mom if he could call Wendy and have her come over. He had begun to love Wendy as a sister and liked spending time with her. Tina liked the girl too, and approved the idea. So he called Wendy a little after nine. She was happy that Julian called, she hadn’t planned to do anything, and getting out of the house suited her too. She told him that she would be over in an hour.

Julian and Tina headed to their own rooms to get dressed. Tina had dressed in a light summer dress and walking shoes. Julian wasn’t out of his room yet, so she knocked on his door. Julian called for his mom to come on in. Julia had dressed in her corset, gaff, panties, pantyhose, a sleeveless green metallic tank top and a gray miniskirt. She wore black patent pumps with three-inch heels on her feet. She was sitting in front of her dresser, doing her makeup, like any self-respecting teenage girl would do.

“So its Julia’s weekend to be home, is it?”

“I just thought that I would get some practice in, that’s all.”

“I think not young lady, I think that you have gotten hooked. I think you like this more than you are letting on.”

“Am I that transparent?”

“Clear as glass right now. Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“No, nothing is clear to me, Mom. I am just so confused right now. I don’t know; I just like doing this so much. I don’t know if I can stop this, or change. What are we going to do?”

“We’ll take this one step at a time Julia. If this is who you truly are, we can deal with it. I think I will call one of those Gender Therapists on Monday.”

Tina helped her daughter with her hair, after she finished with her makeup. Julia made a lovely teenage girl. Tina was surprised at how sophisticated her makeup skills had gotten. Her daughter had really done an excellent job, not overdone by any sense of the imagination.

>>>>><<<<<

Julia and her Mom sat in their living room talking about what was happening. They were interrupted by the doorbell.

“Just wait here Julia, I will get the door.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Tina disappeared and Julia could hear her greet Wendy. She also heard another voice she didn’t know. She stood as she heard them draw near. Wendy jumped a bit when she saw Julia.

“Julia, you look so good, I was expecting to see Julian.”

“I decided to get some practice in.”

“You did a wonderful job. Anyway, Julia this is my Mom, Carol. Mom, this is Julian, slash Julia. She has the lead role in the movie, Mom.”

Carol looked up and down Julia. She wore a genuine smile on her face, held out her hand and said, “It’s so nice meeting you Julia, Wendy has told me so much about you. I have to agree, you look quite lovely.”

Julia shook Carol’s hand then said, “What the heck,” and hugged the woman.

The two mothers sat in comfy chairs and Wendy sat next to Julia and held her hand. There was two separate conversations going on, as Julia and Wendy talked together and their Mom’s had their own conversation.

“Julia, Carol and I are going to the kitchen to make some coffee.”

“Okay Mom, I am going to show Wendy around the house.”

Julia led Wendy around and let her see the house. They wound up in Julian’s room.

“You’re becoming like me, aren’t you Julia,” Wendy asked.

“I don’t know… but I think so. I’m… just not sure.”

“While I am not arrogant enough to claim fault for this, I know that I can’t make someone become transgendered, I still feel a little bad about it.”

“Don’t be. I know that I have always been different. I just couldn’t put a name to it. I have never been macho, but I didn’t think that I was a girl inside. I am not so sure that I have ever been a “MALE” or what the world expects a male to be. I just never felt so alive, since I started this role in the movie.”

“Just go slow girl. I know you are on some meds, which will help you either way. You need to be sure, before you do anymore.”

The two girls hugged and had a good cry.

In the kitchen, the two Moms were having a similar conversation.

“Julia is transgendered too, isn’t she?”

“I think so. She has always been a happy child, but in the last few weeks, it has been remarkable, seeing her change. I know it wasn’t anything we did, or didn’t do, but I am happy and sad, about what is happening.”

“No, if she is truly transgendered, there is nothing you did to cause it and nothing you can do to change it. Only time will tell what is in her heart. She seems to be a wonderful child.”

“And a talented actor. While this is her first real movie, she isn’t a stranger to the camera. She has played in many roles as a child. This is just her biggest role.”

Carol gave Tina a knowing smile and said, “You’re not just talking about the movie, are you?”

“No, I think her life, as a male, might have been just another role for her. Looking back, I guess I always knew something was different about Julia.”

“I hear she is quite the clown too.”

“Oh yes. Julian was the class clown at school and home. Julia loves to make people laugh and smile. At least her humor isn’t self-deprecating. She doesn’t mind playing the fool, but she has never put herself down.”

“You don’t know how good that is, Tina. A lot of transgendered children put themselves down, as they try to get a grip on and understand what they really are. Does your husband know, and how are you both taking it?”

“I think Pat knows, we haven’t said anything about it yet, but I have seen him look longingly at Julia. No matter what happens, we both dearly love our child. Nothing will ever change that.”

“You don’t know how important that is yet and how important that will be. If Julian really is Julia, she will need your love and support. Why don’t we go out for lunch and then just mess around this afternoon? I suspect Julia needs company today.”

Tina looked at her watch and yelled, “Girls, we are going out for lunch in twenty minutes.”

Julia answered back a few seconds later, “Okay Mom, we will be ready.”

“Carol, I need to look a little fancier, can’t let my daughter outshine me, can I?”

Wendy and Julia set about cleaning up their faces. Wendy was amazed at how quickly and expertly Julia reapplied her makeup.

“How did you get so good Julia, it took me ages to get as good as you are?”

“I have been around makeup for years, I even applied it sometimes, when I was on set. I paid close attention when the makeup people applied my makeup.”

“That’s different from girl’s makeup, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but it is the same principal. Sort of I guess. I did well in art classes and I have nice steady hands. Plus I have been practicing, ever since I got this part.”

“You know that there are a few scenes where you are putting on makeup and you just aren’t good at that point. You are going to have to make some big mistakes.”

“I can do that, just not today.”

The girls went to the living room, with their purses in hand, after checking on makeup and hair, one last time. Their mothers met them there. Tina had put on a nicer dress and heels, plus she used a little more makeup.

The girls were out till late, that day. They had gone to a nice bistro to eat and talk. They talked about everything, but what was on top of their minds. After lunch, they had gone to a park, to walk about. They enjoyed the relaxing walk, and got to feed the ducks and squirrels in the park. After getting an hour and a half of sun, they retired to a local mall, to do some window shopping. At sunset, they found a movie tavern and had a meal, while they watched a movie.

>>>>><<<<<
Monday, after the days shoot, Julian went to a teenage transgendered support group meeting, at a local synagogue. Julian went as Julia; she just went to listen to the others there. There were eighteen people, from twelve to twenty there. Some of the people there looked quite good, while others, God bless them, would never be able to pass. Julia could only imagine what life was like for them, she wished that she had some magical way to help them out.

One by one, several people began telling their stories on how they came to realize how they were different and about their trials and tribulations. One girl, who was about sixteen, caught everybody’s attention with her story. She was one of the good ones, who could pass anywhere.

“I hate the terms transgendered and transsexual. I am a girl. I may have been born differently than other girls, but I am as much a girl as they are. My therapist labels me a pre-op transsexual and has given me several letters stating that, so that others will understand, but I hate being labeled that way. I am a girl, don’t diminish me, by adding a label to me. I hate that people try to separate me from other girls with a label. I am a girl, just a girl. I am not Daddy’s special girl, or a girl with something extra. Why can’t people see me for what I am?” She said, in a low alto voice, which could easily pass as a girl’s voice.

“I hate having to play this game, just to get what I need, to keep my body from being horribly disfigured and poisoned by testosterone. Why can’t I have the medicines I want and the surgery I need to bring my body in line with the rest of me? I can walk down any street and not be picked out. Being labeled actually puts me more at risk. It all seems like a racket to me. Everyone wants to get their dime out of me, so they draw out the process. I need to see this person, so I can get their approval and they send me to that person who I have to spend years with, to get their approval. Then somewhere way down the road, I may get all of their permission, to be what I know in my heart that I already am.”

“It took me years, just to convince my own mom and dad, boy was that a bitch. Now I have to convince a half dozen other people. I just want to be myself. I am tempted to self-medicate, but I know just how dangerous the hormones can be. I would love to be on them right now, to have a doctor prescribe them for me and to monitor my progress. At least they have me on Finasteride right now, but my psyche says it will be another year and a half, before I can start my estrogen and maybe another two to three years, before I can have my surgery. What gives them the right to control what I do with my body? I know who and what I am. I am a girl, period. Don’t try to label me with anything else. Why is it so difficult for other people to see that?”

Another girl, who almost looked as good asked, “Why are you here and why do you hate being labeled transgendered?” She was more than a little indignant at the girl’s attitude.

“It’s all part of the game I hate; I came because my therapist kinda expected me to come. People label us, so they can pigeon hole us out of their way, to diminish or make us less than what we are.”

Another girl stood and said, “But you have sisters out there, who have paved the way for you, who were glad to get that label, so that they could begin to transition, to what you want to be.”

“I don’t need to transition to a girl, I am a girl. I don’t want to be thought of as a transgendered person.”

Another girl stood, she looked like a guy in a skirt. She had broad shoulders, a lantern jaw and looked to be nineteen or twenty. When she spoke, her voice was a high baritone, “Well, it is nice you could join us today. I can understand what you are saying and your sentiment. I wish we were all as good as you are. To the rest of us, please, be sweet to her. We all know what she has gone through to get where she is today. So give her the respect she is due.”

There was some more discussion on that topic, but it was kept on an even keel. Julia and Wendy stopped to have a cup of coffee and talk about the meeting.

“You know, I can understand both sides of that issue. I know what labels can do to a person and even I have been labeled. The labels I wore, controlled what parts I could play. I could never play a romantic male interest of anyone.” Julia stated.

“You could play a female love interest now,” Wendy said. “But we stray. There are a lot of girls that are like me and that other girl, who, if given the right treatment, could pass without effort. Even some that couldn’t, don’t like to be labeled. Others, who couldn’t pass with any amount of effort, don’t mind being labeled; some see it as their identity. I just try to treat everyone like they want to be treated.”

“That is an attitude that I need to take. It hasn’t been something I have had to address before, but I will try my darndest to take.”

“That’s all that anybody can ask. If everyone would be as open minded as you, the stress of transition would be a lot less.”

>>>>><<<<<

The movie shot two more weeks in this session. They covered all the pre-transition scenes and the early transition scenes. The cast had worked twelve hour days in the last week, to get it done. Julian and Claire had many scenes together. With half the movie done, the cast were able to let down their hair after the final cut was called, for this session.

Claire Bennett then had to leave for her other commitment.

Julian then went into girl mode full time. She had four instructors and Wendy to help her. They taught her everything a MTF girl needed to know about being a girl. She took to their training like a fish to water.

Patrick was amazed and a little worried about Julian; he looked so comfortable in his role as a girl. Julia was just amazing. Tina was as proud of her new daughter, as she had been of her son. To say Julia changed, would be an understatement. In many ways, she became more real. It was like she had been playing a role for so many years and now she just wasn’t playing anymore, or the girl that Julia had been, had been asleep for so many, many years and finally had awoken.

Julia came out first to Wendy; they had to have a good cry on each other’s shoulder. Even though Wendy knew that she and this part didn’t do this to Julian, she still felt responsible. Julia assured her that she had only brought out what Julian had buried so deeply. They celebrated by going out shopping.

When she finally decided to tell her parents, she found that her big secret was no secret at all. Patrick was a little crestfallen, but he was happy that his daughter was happy and accepted her with all his heart. Tina hadn’t been the least bit surprised, she knew that Julian was different from other children, but when she saw Julia that first time, she suspected that she was here to stay.

The second session of the movie went well, Julia didn’t play Christy, she became Christy and the role was no longer a role, it took on a life of its own, that surprised many of the cast. Claire just loved the new Julia. She kinda adopted the child on the set, although Julia could hardly be called a child, she seemed to blossom into a woman.

It was no surprise to the cast, when Julia finally made her announcement to the cast, after the last scene was shot. The director and producer tried to make their apologies, but Julia wouldn’t hear of it. She told them that this had been a long time coming; she just needed to realize that she should have been born a girl. They were good to her and she got to keep any of the costumes she had worn and was paid for a whole new wardrobe and her medical for the next two years.

The movie “The Making of Christy Manning” came out in the summer rush, to critical reviews. Julia and Wendy attended the Hollywood premiere in their finest formals. The press treated Julia with kid gloves, they just didn’t know what to ask or say and they were afraid to offend her. They just complimented her on her personal appearance and her composure. While the movie wasn’t a box office burner, it did make a profit and paid back the investors, many of whom were just in it for the message.

The movie received three Oscar nominations, best screenplay, best supporting actress and best director. Julia might have received a nomination; the Academy debated just how to classify the role, best actor or best actress. There it is again, a labeling problem.

Wendy and Julia became fast friends they would spend hours talking, just getting out to go shopping and having fun together. The cast of the movie also became sort of a family, Claire, Annette, Timothy and Craig kept in touch as much as their busy lives would allow.

Julia was a little bothered by it, but she didn’t let it get her down. She knew that she gave one hell of a performance in a dramatic role. She did get more offers for roles and at first she was type cast, but she was just too good an actress to be held down for too long. Her movies became popular and she did receive another Oscar nomination for best actress, when she was twenty nine. Like the Highlander said though, “There can be only one.”

Wendy went on to be a popular screenwriter, for many more movies, she made a very good living, but failed to pick up another Oscar nomination.

In their off time they worked together with many Transgendered Support groups. Together they help many other people through their transitions. They also tried to work with communities and tried to get them to understand the transgendered better.

The end for now.