I woke up nestled against Meredith’s breast. She must have pulled me against her last night. I kissed her breast and gently removed myself from her embrace. Another good round of sleep, I could get used to this. I was even used to how nightgowns occasionally tangled my legs. It was all so different but so comfortable at this point.

Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.

I woke up nestled against Meredith’s breast. She must have pulled me against her last night. I kissed her breast and gently removed myself from her embrace. Another good round of sleep, I could get used to this. I was even used to how nightgowns occasionally tangled my legs. It was all so different but so comfortable at this point.

I headed downstairs and could smell the coffee. The French press was on the counter in the kitchen. I grabbed a mug and made myself a cup, with some Sugar in the Raw and whipping cream. The flavor was wonderful. I wanted some fresh air as well, so I headed outside. Becca’s Mom was out there enjoying the morning birdsong with her own cup of coffee in one of those huge cappuccino mugs. She smiled at me, waving me over to the table. We hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.

“Morning sweetheart.”

“Morning Mom.” I sat down with her and looked out at the garden. The plants were beautiful and the slight breeze moved them ever so slightly, like they were swaying.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. Thank you for letting Meredith and I stay in the same room.”

“Well, you’re almost an adult now, so you can get some of the adult benefits. I figured you were responsible enough to choose someone who cared for you. That made it alright in my mind. By the way, you look lovely this morning.” She took a sip of her coffee.

I blushed. Getting complimented for how I looked was still very odd. It had never happened when I was a guy, at all, except for the big things like Prom, when it was the Tux and not you. “Thank you. You know, even after a month of this I’m still not used to all of it.”

She reached over the table and laid a hand on me gently. It was nice. “Remember, those girls have had a life time of living this way. Trust me; they all made plenty of mistakes along the way. You just have to learn faster and under some pressure a lifetime of lessons. The biggest trick is to relax. That makes you more natural, more you. All of those other things will come in time.”

“I…I don’t look like a girl.” I choked a little on that. Why did that thought make me so sad? Why did I want to cry over that?

“Caity, you look wonderful. You do look like a girl at the moment, and a beautiful one at that. I remember when you dressed up as a cheerleader for Halloween. You looked like a guy in the outfit, not like a girl. But now, here, sitting in that nightgown, you look just like any other young woman. Don’t fret over that, there’s no need. You are beautiful.” The smile warmed me, almost like a hug. I loved her and was so happy she had entered my life.

I came around to her side of the table and she hugged me tight. I hugged her back just as hard. Having a second set of parents was awesome. But I needed to have a conversation about this with my mom. That made me nervous, but she had seemed happy last night at dinner. Maybe it wouldn’t be all that bad? She had seemed mostly amused by it on the phone…

We sat a while longer just enjoying the morning and each others company. Becca’s mom stood, shortly after having finished her coffee. “Caitlin, would you help me with breakfast?”

“Sure.” This would be a first. She was usually so picky about who could and could not work in her kitchen. It was almost like you had to pass an inspection of sorts to get that privilege. I was elated, like I had won some sort of prize, to be able to help her cook.

She was going to make chocolate chip pancakes and sausage, with OJ and coffee. It sounded good to me. In making the batter, she had me mix the dry ingredients first and then add in the wet. As I was stirring the batter she whipped some egg whites until they made stiff peaks. I was then relieved of batter duty as she took the bowl and mixed the egg into the batter.

My next job was the sausage, as she was finishing up the prep work for the pancakes. The skillet was hot when I threw the slices of sausage on. The smell was wonderful. Merri and Becca all but stumbled downstairs like co-ed zombies in nightgowns. Neither were particularly morning people. I poured mugs of the coffee, making them just the way each liked theirs. I figured the murmurs they made were thanks.

The food was ready quick and after some powdered sugar and homemade chocolate sauce, everything was ready to go. The food was incredible and I felt some sense of ownership over them. They were mine in a way a lot of food hadn’t been. I mean, are you really going to claim ownership over Ramen noodles? I had learned some tips helping Mom and that was almost as good as the food.

After a short while, when the plates had been licked clean, we sprawled in the living room. We had some spotted puppy syndrome, lying drowsy from all the food we had eaten. Becca smiled, “Hey, wanna watch a movie?”

I groaned, wondering what foreign film she wanted to subject us to but Meredith sounded excited, as if a film was a great idea. I didn’t need subtitles this early in the morning. I mean, they day had been going so well.

“I have the perfect film.” announced Becca, and she bounded upstairs. Bounding was way too vigorous for this time of day or after gorging on the chocolate chip pancakes of tastiness.

Becca kept the case hidden as she got to the DVD player. She had the screen off and she watched the numbers as it played through the trailers. When it looked like the movie itself had started she turned on the TV. The film was D.E.B.S., a silly lesbian schoolgirl twisted spy love story. It was awesome. The women in it were so cute and the girl that played Lucy Diamond was totally hot.

We chuckled our way through the movie. Its hard to feel sad when that film is playing. I couldn’t stop smiling afterwards. The film almost made me want to go to art school in Barcelona; that is if I actually knew how to do anything other than make stick figures.

“So what do you want to do? Lounge poolside, go shopping, what? What is there to do in this town?” asked Meredith.

“Oh, there’s loads of things to do here. What would you like to do Caitlin?” Becca said as she passed the buck on to me.

I sat there, running things through my head. What would really calm me down, make me feel less stressed? After going through everything in town I realized that the woods by the river, with all of the willow trees, would do it. I informed them of my decision. Becca seemed pleased.

Getting dressed for this was easy. We all wore our bikinis under shorts and t-shirts, as the river was nice to play in, and it was right by the spot I had in mind. We said bye to Becca’s mom and headed off to the river. This particular stretch of the river wasn’t as crowded as the others, since there was a short hike to get there and parking wasn’t easy. It was however quiet and lovely and meant a lot to me. My father had shown me the site when I was in middle school. I lost my virginity there in my junior year with Patty Michaelson. I had come here when my dad had died. It was an important spot for me.

It was quiet when we reached the small clearing. There was a little bit of trash scattered about, but not like at either of the more popular spots both up and down the river. We spread out the picnic blanket out and set down the basket of goodies that Becca’s mom had made. I was already looking forward to lunch.

I lay against the trunk of my favorite tree and sighed. It felt like I had really come home. After some quiet time I opened my eyes. Becca was reading some Gary Snyder poetry, which I guess made sense. Meredith was watching the river as she was sitting near me, a quiet companion. Her voice sounded odd as it broke the quiet. “Caitlin, why did you do this? Honestly. I’ve been wondering because you seem like a stand up guy and not all that into girly things.”

I thought about it a moment, organizing my thoughts. “Well, it is driven by my wanting things to be equal. Its just something I got into because of my dad. He had always tried to be accepting and fair, not caring about any of the issues like race, religion or sexuality. He always said ‘people are just people. We all pee, poop and want to be happy. It just makes sense to accept them as they are’. I loved him so much. He was my hero.

“So, after he died, I got a bit more ardent about the issue. I went after a few groups, doing what I could to get all people treated like people. When I got ready for college, I decided that the Greek system seemed unfair. So I decided to do what I did. I asked for information, got it and got everything ready. I really, really hadn’t expected you all to say yes. But once you said yes, I felt like I needed to join and fulfill my part of things.

Meredith nodded through that, following what I was saying. “How did you happen to choose our House?”

“Purely by chance. I just chose at random.” I admitted a little embarrassed.

Meredith smiled at this and chuckled. “You know…any other House would have walked into your plan. Just your luck to choose the crazy House for your little fight for justice.”

“I know. I know. Right after seeing the other Houses, I realized that. Too little too late.”

“Do you regret standing by your word and doing this?” I could tell that Merri was nervous about the answer.

“Sometimes. Overall, it has been really strange and interesting. Sometime, however, I just want to scream.” It was warm so I took off my T-shirt and used it to keep my back from getting scratched by the tree. “I kinda like it, kinda freaked by it.”

Meredith nodded thoughtfully, her hair bouncing a little in the movement. “You know, there are a lot of girls waiting for you to fail. They were the ones who wanted to keep you training for hours upon hours. They kept talking to Sandra, telling her things that were true, but they put a spin on tem to make you look bad. They won’t break their word as Sisters, but they really would rather you left.”

I nodded. It figured. No group could really be that unified in something like this. I guess they were hoping to give me enough rope to hang myself. “You know…that does make sense. Thanks for letting me know.”

She looked a bit confused at that. “I love you. Why wouldn’t I tell you?”

“I kind of figured it might be a secret House thing is all.” I knew she loved me, thought I still had trouble figuring out why.

“Nah, it’s nothing like that. I just don’t want you thinking that all the girls have your best interest at heart. Some of them would definitely find a way to make your life more difficult rather than less. So…you kinda like it?” she asked coyly.

I blushed as I admitted, “Yeah. I like how I’m treated as Caitlin. Normally, people act like I’m invisible. This is just so amazingly different. I think part of things is culture shock. Women seem to live in a very different world. You can touch, show emotion, compassion, joy. You can get excited about anything at all. Guys tend to be tough, act all aloof, superior like nothing fazes them. Well, okay, that’s just a lot of the guys here. But being Caitlin has been different and shown me a different world. I’m not sure I can describe it.”

“You want to keep going? See what happens?” asked Becca, looking up from her book.

“I…I think I do. I’m just really scared of losing myself. I mean, am I Richard or Caitlin? I don’t know anymore.”

Meredith took hold of me, pulling me to her lap. I didn’t fight. She ran a hand through my hair, which felt nice. “You can be whoever you want to be. Richard or Caitlin, with or without breasts, there’s something about you that’s special. So I want you to be happy in any way that is necessary.”

The kiss was soft, gentle and loving. I lost myself in it, wishing that this moment would last forever. It didn’t but it made me feel lighter in my body, as if I could float. I also felt feminine and delicate and needed, all from the power of a kiss. I just sank into the feeling and drifted away. I could stand to feel like this forever. I looked up at her and smiled, reaching up with one hand to brush hair from her face. “Thank you for that. It helps. I mean, I just feel so unsure.”

“If it’s any consolation, I have never seen you look happier, not since your dad died. I’m sure part of that’s Meredith, but part of it has to be something else.” added Becca.

I nodded. “Just as long as I don’t lose myself I can deal with this. That’s the one thing I worry about.”

A loud gurgle right by me ear preceded Meredith asking, “Want to eat?”

My stomach gurgled as well, which made the others laugh. Food did sound good and I did want to see what goodies we had in the picnic basket.

There was a jug of tea inside, some quiche and finger sandwiches, including cucumber sandwiches which I loved. It looked and smelled good. I sat up and we got everything out and ready.

We ate and made jokes about D.E.B.S. and other films. I almost snorted tea out my nose when Merri did an Arnold impression. Afterwards, we played in the river, splashing each other and just enjoying the spot. The sunlight played through the trees as we all ended up lying on the blanket, enjoying the warmth and the sound of the wind in the leaves.

After a while it was time to head back to the house. We cleaned up our stuff and the little bit of other trash and packed everything out. We stopped at a nearby gas station to fill up the tank and use the bathroom. I was pumping the gas while the other two sped off to pee. I needed to go, but not that badly. Besides I wasn’t all that fond of public restrooms.

I had cleaned up my car and was doing the windows when a black Camero pulled up at the pump on the other side. I wasn’t really paying attention since I was singing a song in my head and sort of dancing along with it. When I returned the squeegee I realized that the driver of the other car was staring at me. It made me begin to feel uncomfortable. I got a better look at the driver and realized it was Brad Thompson. I had graduated with him. Oh crap!

Before my panic got worse and I peed myself in fear, the other girls bounded up. “Hey Caitlin, we got you a Sobe.”

I turned to face them, glad to be looking elsewhere. This could have been bad. I was saved now. But it got worse.

“Rebecca, how’s it going?”

Becca started a bit, having not noticed him, and then smiled at Brad. “Hey Brad, pretty good. What’s up?”

“Not too much. I’m taking a semester off to make some money. Going to do some construction. Who’re your friends?” He asked, definitely giving Merri and I both the once over.

“This is Meredith and Caitlin, friends I met at college.”

We both smiled Hi. My mouth was dry and the Sobe I opened helped. It was something else to do besides panic. I kept thinking ‘Leave, leave, leave’ hoping I had developed psychic powers in the last few minutes.

“Cool. Pleased to meet you. Oh…hey. If you guys are here tomorrow you totally need to come to the party that Trevor is throwing. Its gonna be fun.” Brad looked like an eager and helpful puppy. I immediately changed to message to ‘No, no, no’.

“Sounds good. We may see you there.” With that we all got into the car. Unfortunately that wasn’t the end.

“Hey, isn’t that Richard’s car? Is he here?” Well, yes I was there and you have been staring at my breasts, but there was no way in hell that I was going to let him know that.

“I borrowed his car, as mine’s in the shop. Apparently he’s up to his old tricks again and is working on something. Well, see you.”

We drove off and I was so scared. Had he recognized me? We had been in three classes together last year so that was possible. Or worse, had he been hitting on me? Ewww…!

Meredith looked behind us and then turned back. “He’s kind of cute.”

I looked over at her, incredulous. I was trying to slow down my breathing, to keep from having another panic attack and all she could comment on was Brad being cute?

“It’s okay Caitlin. Really. He had no clue about you.” helpfully supplied Becca. “And tomorrow we’re going over to your Mom’s, so don’t worry.”

I tried not to worry about this, but I wasn’t sure how well that worked. Thankfully the closer we got to home the more I could manage to relax. When we got there I rushed off to the bathroom while the other two carried in the picnic things. Afterwards, I went upstairs, changed out of my semi-wet bikini and into something dry and comfy. I flopped onto the bed and sighed at the ceiling. I needed a break and this trip felt like the best way to achieve that. It just wasn’t going all that well in some ways. I snuggled into the bed, closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I found myself in a building I didn’t know standing before a couple of doors. They were both plain and had something written on them, which I couldn’t read. I knew I had to choose a door. If I didn’t choose a door something bad would come and get me. I was scared and looking from door to door trying to figure out which I needed to choose. There were two doors, just two doors and I couldn’t tell a difference.

I could hear the thing getting closer, the heavy tred of its footsteps, the ragged breathing. I needed to choose but I couldn’t. What were the doors? I needed to know. I started crying in frustration and fear. It still grew closer.

I turned behind and looked through the archway, into the darkness, trying to see how close the thing was. The chuckle it made was deep and evil. What could I do? I had to choose a door, find some way out of this madness.

When I turned back there was a third door, different from the others. That was enough for me. I threw open the door and rushed inside, hearing the creature shuffle quickly behind me. I slammed it shut and felt it’s weight slam against it. The wood groaned and I could hear claws scrabbling on the wood. I ran down the hall, desperate to get away.

I started awake. I was tangled in the sheets and I was still scared. I glanced around quickly, searching the shadows for something. Then I heard a voice, “Caitlin! You need to get up. Dinner’s almost ready.”

I shook as I made it to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and tried to wash the sleep from me. It helped but I was still shaky. The dream was fading, becoming less distinct the more I woke up. Something told me I didn’t need to worry about remembering it, as it might be better to simply forget.

Dinner was great. Becca’s mom was a hell of a cook. She needed her own show on Food Network. It would be great. Afterwards, we three girls cleaned up, doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. It was nice just to be with them.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” asked Meredith.

“Going shopping with my mom.” I replied. “I’m a little worried, as seeing her and I together might just make people realize that it’s me.”

Merri hugged me. “Don’t worry sweetie. I’ll protect you.”

She kissed me on the cheek. I put my hand there, as if I could hold it to me. I knew she would protect me. “I love you Meredith.”

“I love you too, Caitlin.”