Forgotten Hearts

It was one of those times where you get into a new city and you’re in town for a few days and there’s time to kill.

I’m an associative music producer and I do things for I-tunes and most of that is looking up and trying to sign new voices and try and get a track or something out of them. It’s usually someone that someone else scouted and I do all sorts of music from all over the world and it can tell you it’s a lonelier job that a lot of people think.

I’m not the scout and I’m not one of the big wheels I’m firmly in the middle.

But it’s a job where I can travel and that’s always been a plus.

It kind of suits the fact that I don’t really have a home. I left home getting out of high school and went into communications and radio and when that started to actually become a much smaller field and honestly one that I wasn’t all that talented at I switched over to this.

While I was away my dad passed and my mom sold the house and property to live and move and she moved close to her twin sister then she passed away and my brother was off overseas in the armed forces and that was his home and my sister she died in a car crash quite a long time ago leaving a couple of little kids and a widowed husband that I have never really met.

I have like minimal contact with any of them and that’s just a little sort of holiday stuff and everything here and there and thanks for the presents.

Okay…I might not have a lot to do with them but I’m not like an ass. I eat well and fly well and most of that’s covered by the airlines and the company. I have good health insurance and lots of credit cards and I do really well.

So in my trying vainly not to be an ass I’ve sent things to my family, things to my brother Greg and to my brother in law Christopher and his girls. Greg isn’t married so really I send him things like money and sometimes like treats and things to eat or even booze and that keeps him happy.

Christopher and the girls I send a lot more usually some of the better tourist stuff and then it was postcards for Adele the oldest and then Sabrina wanted those small tourist flags and postcards for everywhere I go.

But I would send things at Christmas and birthdays some of which were things that the girls wanted and the Alienware computer was for “Adele” so she could play games and stuff but it might have been for Christopher.

Him…well I don’t know him so I send him things that I know he can use. They make gift cards for everything these days and I know the city he’s in and some of the places that are there so there’s Exxon gas cards and Sear, Target and Wal-Mart cards for him and the girls and some gift cards every now and for Trader Joes, In and Out Burger, MacDonald’s.

It’s him with two girls and I have no idea how much that would cost and they have school and all that other stuff too so yes I sent things like that since I was never really around. And there was the actual consensus that none of us liked our Aunt and Uncle.

But things are changing and I ended up getting called into the Chicago office and I was drinking a coffee when Peter Campton one of the higher ups comes in and he shakes my hand.

“Hey Will I’m glad that you could come in, I need to talk to you about something.”

I just turned forty so I had a sort of idea of what this just over mid-twenties related to someone management type was going to say.

We have a seat and I sip my coffee and he’s having a drink and I look at the clock. Yeah okay it’s like that?

I wait and he looks at me and has another drink. “See the thing is Will that you’re getting older and there’s a lot of stuff to do with the travel and it’s really not too good for you.”

“Actually I’m alright.”

“You just turned forty.”

“I’m aware.”

“Well we were really thinking we need, we want someone younger to go out there now in the field and to represent us with the artists.”

“Oh, and I’m I supposed laid off?”

He raises his hands. “No, no fuck no dude but we need someone to actually teach the new guys going out to do all of that and to ride herd over them.”

I look at him and I take a sip of my coffee.

“You want me in an office job?”

He nods. “Anywhere stateside really, you can have the office anywhere you want because the people you’ll be in charge of can like fly into you.”

I look at him and I’m thinking and it’s actually getting old, all the airports and all of the travel and I’ve just been all over nowhere it feels like. And Christopher and the girls come to mind and I’m not sure if I’ll be even welcome. “Can I have a day to think it over?”

He’s nodding. “Absolutely take a week off if that’d help.”

“No I’ll have it figured out by tomorrow.”

He blinks at me like some half-drunk frat twit and I get up. “I’ll call you with the details.”

He nods and he offers me his hand again and I shake it even if I don’t really want to then again a good part of doing business is actually swallowing your dislike of working with people that really don’t deserve their job titles.

This kid’s definitely not that and really likely employed through nepotism.

Not like my favorite kind of people.

I head out and I go for a drive. That’s one of my few guilty pleasures in life really. I fly so much and get driven so much that me driving myself in a nice car and I’ve rented a nice big crown Victoria because my dad had one way back that was a used police car and I still love that feeling of a bigger car and how it rides.

Sure a more medium kind of car might be better for driving around Chicago with the way that traffic works and all but there’s nothing like that drive and float feeling when you have some good music playing.

I like rock and I like the sixties and seventies and the eighties stuff and with the satellite radios now you have all these really specific channels.

And it’s drive and drink my coffee just wasting time until I feel like going for a walk and then I stop off at my hotel and I drop off the car there and I go out for a walk with my computer bag and my jacket and take a good long walk to Millennium Park which I have always wanted to spend some time actually seeing it rather than just passing it.

So I’m not busy today and I get another coffee and I head out to walk around and check things out. It’s a really nice park and it actually reminds me of some of the tech like art and alternative art that you’d actually see in some of the parks and even galleries in Germany and Norway.

I actually do think about it as I’m looking through the park and it kills a few more hours and I find myself at a park side food truck and I get a Sprite-tea with two full topping Chicago dogs.

You know what actually makes a Chicago do a real Chicago dog?

It’s the mustard.

Yes there’s the pickles and the celery salt and then there’s the sport peppers but really it’s that actual one of a kind bright yellow Wrigley Field Mustard it doesn’t matter if it’s a Chicago dog that’s been ‘dragged through the garden’ or a hot link or whatever that mustard’s unique and you know you’re in Chicago when you can taste it.

That’s it for me.

New York it’s the cheap by the slice pizza with that dough and Los Angeles for me it’s actually that abundance of that on edge of Mexico chilies. There a lot of Anaheim and Pablano and Jalapeno in all the food there even the other cuisines but L.A. is the honest to goodness food truck that is as close to real non-tourist Mexican that I’ve ever had.

Seattle for me is the baked things, everyone says coffee and there’s good coffee sure but summer or winter there’s really great baked things in Seattle and it’s usually in a lot of the shops. I love summer there though since you have all this fruit and I know this little place in Redmond that always has this stuff that’s in season berries with Washington cherries and then there’s cream cheese in it and a few other things but it’s this almost butter like spread that’s not too savory or tart and it’s just fruit sweetened and you have that and rolls or scones and a nice dark coffee and the paper.

Actually it’s like a cream cheese version of that berry and fat thing they eat in Alaska sometimes they called Eskimo ice cream.

No I’m not a foodie really but it is one of the pleasures of traveling and that’s finding the good stuff and getting to know places because of that.

Just like the alcohol too each major place in the world kind of has its own thing and that’s some of what I’ll always thing of if I liked it or had it for the first time.

Sigh.

I’m going to miss that I think.

I sit with my food and a Sprite-tea is a thing from up north here where they make a sort of take on Sweet-tea from the south but it’s water and iced-tea powdered drink and sliced lemons and then they mix it with Spite…never 7up.

I take out my computer and get a signal and I was going to look at some of the things I still have going for work and potential sign ups and then maybe look at what’s out there for me if I didn’t want to stop and settle in one place.

It’s good to keep your options open.

There’s a message on my personal e-mail and I look at it and it’s from Adele.

[Will, Mom’s hurt she was in a car accident can you come?]

The time stamp is only ten minutes ago.

I start typing. [You have a step mother now?]

She responds pretty fast and I’m eating my hotdog and I stop when I see her type. [No mom’s our mom but she used to be our dad.]

[So who used to be Christopher?] I have no idea how to word that since I’m not all that politically correct but not an asshole either having known or been with different women in my travels and all.

[Yes, her name’s Claire now.]

I think for a moment. [Is she hurt badly?]

[Yes, I think so the doctors are not being really open and everything and they told me to call you.]

[Me? Why?]

[You’re the closest family that we sort of have, mom has you down as next of kin since we’re too young.]

[And her family is?]

[We’re our only family, we chose our mom over them when they tried to take us from her and they’ve never gave us a second’s thought after that.]

I look at the screen.

I’ve never actually met them.

And I don’t know it it’s my age or this happening with things at work or just maybe a sign but I type back to her and the decision’s almost making itself as I write it.

[I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do you need anything?]

[Money, I don’t have mom’s pin number and I have twelve dollars to do Sabrina and I until you get here.]

I take a chance since she’s an older teen. [Do you have a PayPal account?]

[Yes.]

[Send me the links.]

It takes a minute and she sends me her PayPal information and I send her five hundred dollars.

[Yes it’s a lot but that’s in case you need to pay for cabs or other things I will be right there as soon as I can.]

[Thanks Will, god thank you so much.]

I sign off and I shut things down and it has occurred to me that she didn’t call me Uncle Will. I have never been actually there in their lives so it’s kind of a decent reason and maybe she really didn’t want to presume things.

I call the office.

“Peter?”

He is sort of startled sounding when I’m that abrupt over the phone. “Will?”

“Yes, I need a few more days to think this over I just found out that there’s a family emergency that I need to go to.”

“Is everything alright?”

“No, my nieces need me her mother was in a car accident and they’re underage and I’m next of kin. I need to head out to help them.”

“Sure that’s not a problem. It’s not a rush thing you know.”

“I appreciate the leeway and the consideration Peter.”

Actually I am impressed he is that okay with things I was expecting more chaos from him. Then again I thing he might be still in over his head assigned with me and this.

“Uhm you’re welcome Will. Just like go and take care of them and we’ll get sorted out later.”

“Definitely and we’ll get through it pretty painlessly Peter I have a few good ideas for the office and the new scouts that we’ll have that I think will help all of us.”

“Really?”

I chuckle over the phone. “Yes, I’m not going to just leave you hanging with this I have a lot of things that I have going on and it’d be shitty of me to just drop them in your lap and take the office job with the golf cart.”

“Oh that’s such good news; I’m glad that you’re aboard with this.”

“We’ll make it all work Peter, and we’ll make the higher ups happy too I guarantee it.”

“Alright! Call me when things are easier for you and settled with the family.”

“I will and again Peter thanks.”

I flag a cab to the hotel and on route I call the airport and I have a really good relationship with them and usually travel first class and I like I said I travel a lot and they get me in contact with getting a flight to Burbank.

I call the hotel and check-out telling them I am heading out for an emergency and if they can take care of my car rental for me and I tip the cabbie a ten and tell him. “I’m scheduling you for a pick up here in an hour and I’ll need a ride to the airport.”

A lot of folks never thing to get a cab appointment, it’s usually an easy thing and they like getting airport fares. Me I like having to not thing about things while I have a lot of other things on my mind.

“Okay buddy, sure whatever you need.” I get out and I call it in and I go into the hotel and I get packed and the last thing I do is I have a shower just before getting changed and head down and then pay the bill and leave a tip for the housekeeping people and the front desk and then a stop at the hotel’s ATM and then I’m off.

It’s the same cabbie and I smile when I see him and he’s really good about helping me with my bags and stuff and I use the pre-check area for my bags and he even help carry them and I pay the fare and tip him a twenty and even offer him a handshake and a thank you for his help.

I think the handshake surprised him and the face that I speak enough Punjabi to thank him at least.

I’ve scouted for Indian talent a few times and it’s been a bonus.

The hardest part is the waiting and I stay in the executive lounge while waiting for my flight and I mostly stay on my computer and I get onto Adele’s Facebook and I find Claire on there and I take a look at her page and it’s friends only which means she’s private or that she’s had good reasons for that.

But Sabrina’s on there too and her page has pictures of her and her mom.

Claire and Claire looks…well if you know you can see it a little but she’s been in transition for a long while now over ten years and she’s become a beautiful woman.

Not like my sister who was tall for a girl and always sort of that runner’s build and was so into sports like that and cycling and she was even into surfing too.

We’re from Ohio originally so she never grew up in California but she took to it and stayed there after her and Christopher married just after college.

Claire though is about five ten and she’s built, she has some shoulder that definitely came from pre-transition but the rest well she has curves. Not as much as maybe if she’d been born a female from the start but gene’s met hormones pretty well for her. Actually she looks very nice and she has this really big nice smile too in the pictures.

The few I seen of Christopher his smiles seemed small.

I guess I can get why.

But going through those pictures and taking a look at her and at the girls they seem happy. They seem like they’re all happy and that they’re a good family too.

And that’s sort of important to me right now even if I haven’t been there at all. I mean I’m next of kin and that alone says a whole lot about what’s going on. There’s tons of reasons why we never connected and I can get why Claire never told me about herself if her family dropped her.

The same reasoning works for why I was never really invited either for the holidays and everything.

Not that I tried, I will be honest on that.

We all sort of just went our own ways when Mom passed. It was like she was holding us sort of together back then and none of us really knew it back then.

I get my flight and I do some work on my laptop while I’m in the air. Nothing net based just writing up ideas and a few letters that I might use to introduce the people that might be working under me and I have this idea of moving out here to Burbank. I think if I have to be anywhere I should be close to them because of things like this.

And besides I could and I’m thinking that I can actually reach out to some of the old clubs and venues that are old traditional clubs to see and find acts and new sounds and I might try and get things going with them.

It’s still late by the time I rent the car and get my luggage and head to the hospital and I take the time to text Adele. [I’ll be there soon did you and your sister eat?]

[A little, how’d you get here so soon?]

[I packed up and left and took some personal days and I fly a lot so I know good ways to get to places.]

[Oh, thank you. No we didn’t really eat not since supper and that was sort of iffy, I don’t like the food here in their cafeteria.]

[Hospital food is made to not be allergenic or have things that are too strong or have well honestly flavor. I’ll get something what do you want?]

[Sabs’s is asking for pizza, I’m not fussy.]

[So pizza then?]

[Yes please.]

[Do you drink coffee?]

[I’m fifteen.]

[And?]

[LOL yes please, just with some half and half if they have it?]

[No problem, how’s your mom?]

[Still out of it, and they’re still not really saying anything and they still won’t really let us see her.]

[I’ll be there soon.]

I make it quick and I stop in and get some Little Caesar’s pizza and I get the small ones with a cheese, veggie, pepperoni and a meat lovers and I get coffee at the drive through at Dunkin doughnuts and then I go to the hospital and I see Sabrina outside by the doors pacing and waiting for me and she has a wad of tissues in her hand and I get the food and things and I think that’s how she seen me at first and she ran right to me and she hug tackled me and she starts to cry.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming I didn’t know if you would and I don’t know what to do and I’m scared…I don’t want to lose my mum.”

I kept a hold on everything and I hug her back. “Shssh…. It’s okay I’m here and this is something really, really important. Of course I’ll come.”

She cries for a few minutes and then I walk with her to where her sister is and I show my I.D. to the nurses at the station. “I’m Claire’s next of kin can we see her?”

The head nurse gives me this sympathetic look and nods. “Just a minute while I go and I get the doctor.”

The girls are getting more and more upset and I can get why. Having the doctor come to see you is a sign things are serious.

The doctor comes and he’s not looking really scared just like it’s serious. Trust me I’ve seen the they didn’t make it face.

He sits with us and he tells us that Claire had slipped into a coma and she suffered some impact trauma that caused some swelling on her brain and that they need my consent to operate. I look at the girls and they nod and I nod.

Now that’s only because they might need to, and they would have done so without consent if they needed to absolutely do it to try and save her life. A lot of that consent stuff is because I’m here and because of legal issues.

“We can go and see her now?”

“Just for a short time, but yes.”

We get let into see her and that sets both of the girls off in crying again and I see Claire and she’s really bruised and she’s on a breathing machine and everything else and despite the pictures I’ve seen she looks a whole lot smaller and a lot more fragile and she looks sort of broken and tired.

The girls cry and they say a few things and tell them things about what’s going on and the only thing that I can say is to her. “It’s okay, you rest and you fight this Claire I got the girls and they’ll be fine.”

I don’t really know what to say other than that but I do mean it.

We stay for as long as they’ll let us and then we’re taken to the family room and we’re sitting and I open the food and pass Adele her coffee an iced tea for Sabrina and I get a slice myself and we eat and I look at Adele.

“Are you girls okay, were you in the accident?”

Sabrina shakes her head no. “No it was during school and she had something that hit her windshield as far as the cops know and it blinded her enough that she didn’t see this van coming way too fast and it T-boned her.”

“You know what t-boning is?”

She nods. “The cops told us.”

Adele says. “They’re still investigating but they thing there was a piece of something that flew off of a passing vehicle and hit her windshield.”

I nod. “I’ve had that happen.”

She looks at me. “Thanks for coming, I wasn’t sure about contacting you because of well…”

She looks a little bit embarrassed and a little defensive and a lot like her birth mom Jessica.

“Well I’m fine with everything Adele, everything I have gotten to know lots of folks after so many years travelling.”

Sabrina looks at me. “We thought you might not come but we were hoping that you would.”

Adele nods saying. “Because while you’ve never been around and all you at least remembered us.”

Sabrina is looking down at her pizza slice. “Yeah because everyone else they forgot all about us on purpose.”

I’m not sure what I was expecting but I’m actually a little pissed off at Claire’s family for just dropping these two. Claire too but the way you can treat grown-ups in my head is a lot different than how you should treat kids.

I eat and I look at them. “Well I’m going to do better.”

They’re both looking at me.

I finish my bite. “I’m not travelling for work anymore. They want me to do management things and that means me staying put so my boss or one of them wants me to pick a place where I’m going to be working out of and I was thinking with everything here that I am going to move to Burbank.”

I was not prepared for the stares and the suddenly wide eyes and then the hugs that I was getting as they sort of tackle hugged me.

Which led to more hugs and it led to more of them crying.

But these were good tears.

I’m not a father that I know of and no one’s ever come looking either not that I have had a lot of steady relationships either but this…this sort of felt good.

We actually start to talk about what I do and what my plans might be and Sabrina pipes up with. “We have a spare bedroom!”

I laugh. “Well we’ll have to see what your mom has to say about that.”

Adele says. “Mom will be good with it, she likes you.”

“She doesn’t know me.”

Adele nods. “Yeah well we sort of do and we don’t I mean you usually send a postcard and it says stuff and a letter with other things and it’s all stuff that is kind of a big deal for us.”

Sabrina nods as she’s nodding off on my shoulder. “You’re awesomesauce, you’re like Christmas.”

I have the biggest lump in my throat.

Adele and I eat some more and she takes Sabrina and they get a blanket and they nap on the couch and I sit and do a lot of hot coffee with both hands soul searching really.

Then there’s this fellow in a suit that shows up and he has papers and a clip board and a hospital tag and I look at him and I get up.

“Paperwork?”

“The girls could only give us so much and the rest well…”

I look at him and I raise an eyebrow. “Oh this is about money then?”

He looks like the type.

“Ms. Watkins is not insured.”

I nod. “I’ll have her put on mine.”

He looks at me. “Can you do that?”

I look at him. “I can I’ve added people before.”

He looks like he’s waiting and I look at him and at the clock. “After nine in the morning, I’ll find the billing office but no one will be in the office in L.A. until nine at least.”

He looks like he’s ready to argue but he just nods and he leaves after I give him the stinkeye.

He looks and he behaves like a weasel.

And not the animal, I actually like the animal no he’s a hospital sanctioned money chaser and he looks it.

I stand and I watch him go and I look over and Adele’s looking at me with these quiet eyes and she closes them and mumbles. “Friggin Malfoy acting Muggle.”

I smirk at that because I might be a whole lot older than her and her sister I’ve seen all of the movies; they played them on the planes I’ve been on.

I sit and take out my laptop and I say lightly. “Well points here for Gryffindor.”

She mumbles. “I’m a Ravenclaw.”

I smile at that and she’s smiling at me even with her eyes closed and she lets out this sigh that tugs at me. It was that sound of things being okay.

I get online and I leave messages for my insurance broker and I tell her the situation and that I want Claire and the girls fully covered and that it’s important so if she has to switch around some of my providers and thing then to go ahead and to do it.

Then I get up and go and close the door the most of the way and I turn off the lights and turn on one of the corner lamps and I get some sleep after setting the alarm for eight forty.

Rhonda our insurer says getting them covered under me is pretty much doable and I’ll pay a bit more but where I’m the uncle to the girls and she’s their mother it’s actually not a big deal.

Glasses and dental added on costs a bit more and so does the prescriptions but the company pays for my insurance and Rhonda tells me that Peter said anything that I needed he’d okay.

Which also has me just wondering exactly how much he needs me at home if he’s playing ball that much?

But it’s taken care off and it was really satisfying to see the little weasel man get all his little stuff paid and there was a look on his face that just had that feeling that he enjoyed pulling it out from under people.

Like one of those little bullies.

I left as he was getting his secretary to give him files for some other case like he was looking for fresh meat again.

I’m of mixed feelings on our medical system.

We have a really great one in terms of technology and talent and that’s because of the for pay system. I have been in some real shitholes and been very lucky to not have had to use the very bad things they have to rely on or use.

Then again I’ve being in countries with public socialized healthcare and as such a country as we’re in there’s not one bit of an excuse why we can’t have universal health care.

Personally I’d like to see a two tier one where the idea of those that can afford better being not allowed to afford better in one’s own country is tossed out. Life’s not like that and there just are people with different incomes. But I’m fully in support of universal healthcare too. I’m not in favor of America leaving people to be ill for profit and leaving people in suffering.

Have a basic system that will address everyone and then have it if you don’t want that level of care then you can pay for it either through insurance or cash or whatever. There should just be a safety net and the miserly hearted folks who will moan and stuff about illegals and the welfare class and all that would and should shut up.

This is America goddamn it, we should be morally better than that...

Okay yeah I have opinions and some strong ones but I’ve seen the bottom with no net in other countries; and we say we’re better.

We aren’t in too many places here.

Sigh…I’m tired and I get on edge and rant even if to myself on things when I’m tired.

After that it’s calling the schools for the girls and informing them through the admissions office for them to know that the girls have a next of kin and an adult with them and that they will not be attending classes for the foreseeable future.

Both schools had known since it was the police that came for them and brought them here. Once that’s done the hospital social worker shows up and she and I talk and she’s nice but she definitely had rules to follow and the girls might have been put in some other care.

After she’s gone though the profound look of thanks on Adele and Sabrina’s face is there all over again.

We get to see Claire again and then for the afternoon I have us nap again and then have the nurses promise to call us and I take the girls home so they can shower and get a little sleep and some clean clothes.

I haven’t lived in a house for a long time and this…well it’s a split-level house and it has a finished basement but the house is old, second or third hand when they bought it and it needs some work.

Okay it needs a lot of work.

Claire does not make a whole lot of money, actually I have no idea what she does but it’s that just scraping by kind of thing.

Adele looks at me. “Sorry it’s a mess I hadn’t had a chance to fit it up since it all happened.”

“It’s okay; it’s not the worst places that I’ve been before. How long have you girls lived here?”

“Forever actually, when mom died mom used the life insurance to bury her and the rest to buy and pay off the house and mom’s medical bills…first mom’s bills.”

I look around. “So where does Claire work?”

“Wholefoods she’s in the shipping office.”

“Oh…so it was a good thing?”

Adele shrugs. “She went from forklift driving to being one of the clerks the money’s about the same but I guess she doesn’t get the guff now that she used to fro driving forklift and doing a man’s work.”

I nod and she goes to get cleaned up and I actually start to look for some things and I get the garbage ready and take it out and clean out some of the very questionable things from the fridge and I wash the dishes that were left in the sink from all of this starting so suddenly.

The girls are doing their things and I look around a bit more and there’s still pictures of my sister around and there’s pictures of Christopher but it’s not really Christopher…they were dressing and starting all of this while they were with my sister.

So she knew…and she was still with her through all of that.

Claire must have been…widowed, in transition with two young kids and her family doing what it did and her not knowing who to go to or to dare ask for help.

I see a lot of the things I’ve sent them I think over the years here, even some of the just knick-nacky things I found neat are around.

There’s other stuff of course but it’s so odd…I’ve never been here before and yet there’s me here all the same.

It’s like I’ve been here in spirit like some odd and yet nice little secret.

I end up in the living room and I go to the mail that Adele had scooped off the floor and look through it and separate out the junk and a few other things. I actually keep the fliers since there’s coupons and I’m not sure if Claire uses them or not and I see the place on the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room and she has a sort of sorting thing and I see a few envelopes with red stuffed under the box she uses and there’s a few of her bills past due.

Gas and lights are all past due and while not a lot it’s enough that they stamped a notice for it on the bills.

I’m looking at them and Sabrina comes down and she looks at me and she’s got a frown on her face that doesn’t look right on a thirteen year old.

I look to her. “Do you know how your mom pays these?”

“Usually at the bank.”

I nod. “Money’s tight?”

She nods and still has that expression on her face. “We’re broke like always.”

I look at her. “Well then we’re going to just have to pay these, your mom’s going to have enough on her hands with everything else.”

I get hugged again and Adele’s there and she has some bags of clothes for her and her sister. “You gave me money to pay stuff like that.”

I shake my head. “I gave you money to take care of you and your sister in case things came up and you can still use that to do that. I’ll take care of these?”

She looks at me and she’s at that kid that’s going to cry stage and she doesn’t know me and she doesn’t want to cry and she’s scared. “Why Will? Why are you doing all of this?”

Sabrina shouts. “Della stop it, don’t be a jerkface!”

Adele looks at her. “No I want to know, I don’t know him and neither do you and this kind of stuff is just…” she glares at me. “We don’t have it that lucky.”

We have a stare off and I nod and I go and get that picture of Claire in her early stages with my sister and I pass it to her.

“Because we’re family and your mother loved my sister. And because that kind of caring is actually a pretty big thing and even after she was gone you’re mom has done a hell of a job with both of you….and I’m a jerk that really just avoided my family because it was easier to live my life that way…and I feel guilty as hell for not being here when you girls needed me.”

She’s looking at the picture and she’s starting to cry and she’s crying really hard and Sabrina starts crying to and I pull Della into a hug with the three of us and she cries a little bit harder and she whines and she hits me a bunch of times.

“You better not be lying, you better be for real, I hate fucking liars…I’m tired…I’m just…”

I huge her tight and ignore her hitting me.

“You’re too young to be tired Della, it’s okay I’m not lying and I’m not going anywhere.”

She looks at me and it’s so much like seeing my sister there and I huge her a little tighter and she says. “You swear?”

I nod and I put my forehead to hers and look her right in the yes and I say. “I swear.”

She cries some more and these girls have done a lot of that and I don’t know if it’s because of the accident and the stress from that or that and everything else.

My sibs and I we grew up poor but we were actually country poor and that’s different when you can sort of hunt and fish and garden and things. The girls and Claire are city mice and the city, any city has really easy ways of eating up money.

And that’s got to be hard on any kid.

We close up the house and Della takes the garbage and puts it in the dumpster as their block sort of has one of those dumpster alleys and I take note of that and then we head out and the girls show me to the bank they use and I go in and pay everything off.

That’s actually not too hard since they’ll let you pay a bill usually pretty easily and it’s even easier when it’s my money and not Claire’s.

And then it’s back to the hospital and us trying not to be scared or nervous as Claire’s in surgery still and we’re outside waiting in the recovery area and it’s actually the hardest thing I’ve ever done since I still don’t really know Claire and the girls are so nervous and worried that they’re not really talking or checking their phones now at this point instead they’re just sitting with me in the family quiet room.

One on each side of me and both of them white knuckling it sometimes.

Sabrina breaks every now and then and she cries.

After her third bout of it she falls asleep on me and a half hour after that Della actually lets herself cry even though she’s trying way too hard for a kid her age to be strong.

And I’ve never done any of this before, never done any of the sort of parental and dad things before.

And I find myself digging pretty deep into my own past, stuff from home that has been dead and gone and pretty much forgotten for a long time.

Then she’s asleep too and I’m just sort of sitting there with one sleeping on either of my sides as a lot of stuff just sort of comes up and percolates.

I wake the girls when they bring their mother out and they’re up and they want to go and see and the doctor is with Claire as she’s heading for recovery and he gives us the thumbs up and I get the girls to wait now that we have a good sign and they get her settled into her room.

It isn’t that long but it’s years in teenager time and I’m almost as relieved as they are when she comes over.

Adele stares at him. “Is Mum okay?” (Sniffle.)

Oh yes it was a definite shift to Mum instead of Mom there.

Her girls love her, really, really love her.

The doctor smiles. “Everything went off without a hitch and we’ll see the pressure coming back down to normal very soon I think. She’s already doing a lot better and her vitals are a lot stronger.”

Sabrina hugs herself into my side and she starts to cry in relief.

Adele asks. “Can we see her?”

He nods. “Just for a few minutes, she’s still out of it and she still needs time but sure.”

We head inside the room and she looks okay.

Well she looks good for getting out of surgery okay.

The girls though are seriously upset over Claire’s hair being cut off and I get it and I don’t since Adele is the most upset. (Sniffle) “It took her so long…like forever to grow it out where she liked it.”

I give her another hug. “She’s okay though, it’s just hair.”

(Sniffle.) “Not to mom, I remember how long it took her, how long before it looked right. She…she was so friggin happy when we burned her wigs.”

“It’ll grow back, you still have her and that’s the important thing.”

She sniffles and she nods but it’s a definite thing for her and Sabrina is staring at her mom and she’s shifting from foot to foot.

I think for a minute. “Look I can get her some help and some wigs I know people who do the hair and wigs and extensions in the business and I can make some calls so when she has to, she’ll get something really cool and custom.”

Della looks up at me. “You will?” (Sniffle.)

“Sure will, that’s not going to be a problem.”

She smiles a little and Sabrina turns and she looks at me.

“I have to poop.”

I’ll not go into that too much but suffice it to say a pre-teen girl has not had enough life experience to not care enough about using the bathroom in a public place, even one with a private bathroom here in her mom’s room.

There was crying and pain and fighting and drama in that way that I can only imagine from two sisters as I drove them home as fast as I dare so she could go and poop in her own house.

I was actually okay with it.

The stuff that I’ve put up with in the music business, this is nothing.

And not being they’re dad there was something a little amusing in how serious this was and the sounds that Sabrina made all the way there.

While fighting with Adele who was pissed about leaving the hospital for this and then once Sabrina was in there making a whole different stink about well the stink.

“Oh my effing gawd what did you eat a Korean family!?”

It was so hard not to laugh at that.

And they argued over what to do next and vented…it was them being able to freak out on each other in a way that they couldn’t while they were in the hospital.

And they do this fighting snapping the fingers at each other thing that I don’t get but sort of reminds me of way back when *In Living Color* was on TV.

I found a scented candle to light in there while they argued and fought and then when the stink issue was done they both showered and got into a clean change of clothes while I took a semi-cold shower and got shaved and changed as well from the clothes in my suitcase.

And I make a pit-stop on the way there for coffee and Sabrina does this ooo…ooo…sound when we pass McDonalds and we stop in there and we get something to eat.

Okay it wasn’t bad…I’m not one for fast food anyways but it’s been literally years. Actually and sort of depressingly maybe in terms of how old I am it’s been over ten years since I’ve actually eaten at Mc-D’s.

We eat inside though. I love their fries but they turn to trash really fast and if you don’t eat their fries as soon as you get your order then for me you might as well just toss them out.

It’s why I like chips better.

You go to someplace that does good chips with their food they’re a whole different thing. They’re fatter and they are cooked longer and they’re darker and you can eat most of them after they’re cold.

Fast food fries to me usually either shrivel up or they end up tasting like they weren’t cut but pushed more like it out of a tube.

Then we get back to the hospital were we sit for as long as they’ll let us with Claire and then we’re back in the family room and we sort of settle into this whole online thing and the girls do their thing and I do mine which is looking for a place then the girls drop off asleep after a few hours of that and I try and get some too by pushing two of the big chairs together.

I’m tired enough that it works actually.

I’m feeling it the next day which sort of goes in shifts of sitting with Claire and taking the girls out for some stress release time were we usually go for something to eat and they go through these sisterly spats of fighting to let stuff out while they’re not in the hospital.

And a side trip to their house for the now obvious in the afternoon.

Then we go back to the hospital and we sit with Claire for a couple of hours and then we watch Frozen. And the kids are smart they actually have zero problems with the bad prince guy being capable of being as bad as he was. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen anything and I’m actually impressed with how sophisticated the whole thing was.

And maybe it says a lot about just how much these girls had to grow up too.

I’m getting hungry and I look at the girls and I look at Della and Sabrina. “I’m hungry what do you want to eat?”

We bat it around a bit and we settle on Chinese food and Della calls her favorite place for delivery and in telling where they need to come to she ends up telling them what happened to their mom like they’re regulars.

I send her down to pay and get it and I watch something called Sailor Moon with Sabrina and she’s sort of into it and I can’t really make any sense out of it but the last time I watched cartoons really was at the movies for a few dates and that was a couple of years ago.

Actually it was the third Shrek movie.

I look at Sabrina. “You have any of those hair things?”

She nods. “Yeah but not as big. Those are like expensive and from Japan.”

“I’ll talk to a few friends; maybe I can have something sent over.”

She turns and stares at me. “Really?”

“Yes I know people over there and some of them would definitely do it.”

“Anime, manga!?”

“I think we can pick that stuff up at the grocery store. I ‘ll get you all the mangoes you want.”

“Not mangos, Mang-Ga it’s Japanese comics, well they’re closer to being graphic novels but still.”

I look at her and she looks at me and I slowly smile and she squeaks. “You!” And she tries to tickle and pinch me and I end up getting into a thumb war with her.

Sabrina has such an amazing laugh really and a smile she does this back and forth head tilt that sort of makes her remind me of Sue from The Muppet show.

I really want to show these kids’ stuff.

Do stuff for them and teach them things.

It’s actually a nice feeling, maybe this was what my dad had felt when I was that age?

It feels sort of like I’m finding pieces of me.

Della comes in with the bags of the Chinese food and we sort of move to where we can eat it and it’s pretty decent stuff really for take-out and I hear this sound and there’s two nurse coming in and we’re looking over and Claire’s awake and she’s in that mini-spazz where you sort of have a freak when you are hooked up and on the breathing machine and I see a nurse go out fast and call for the doctor and I go over and she was going to try and pull the tube out.

I stop her and I hold her hand and she looks at me. “No, no, no you don’t want to do that Claire it’s why she went for the doctor.”

She doesn’t recognize me and she’s really wanting to know who I am just by the look at me and the look she shot to her kids and then back to me. “It’s me Will…”

She stares and she stares and they her eyes widen as she realizes who I am and when that happens I kind of stop.

Her eyes are so, so vividly green it was like falling into sunshine and clover.

She stopped my breath with those eyes.

Then the moment is broken when the doctor comes in and they’re taking her off the machine and then they’re pulling out the tube and she’s crying and she’s gagging and she shifts her grip and she’s holding onto my hand and she’s squeezing.

I smile at her and I don’t know why I’m smiling but I am and I just say. “Just listen to him but look at me, just try and look at me.”

And it’s another moment…or something and she’s coughing once it’s out and they give her some oxygen right after that to sort of even her off any trouble she might have breathing and I sit on the bed’s edge and nod at her. ‘Just breathe, slowly.”

It takes ten minutes before she’s okay enough to not need the mask and she’s stopped coughing mostly and she has this grateful look on her face when one of the nurses brings her a cup of ice cubes.

I really can’t blame her when she asks with her voice hoarse. “Will?”

“Yeah it’s me. And take it easy with talking.” She wipes at her eyes and she nods that looks at me questioningly…so much like Adele.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m your next of kin remember.”

She actually face-palms.

She gives me this embarrassed and pained look. “Sorry it’s just after she died and after things with my family trying to take them I figured you were or would be easier to get than Greg.”

“It’s okay.” I try to look and sound soothing and she is giving me this look that is still almost disbelieving.

I can’t help it but to ask. “What?”

“You’re actually here, I was actually going to change that a long time ago but you actually came.”

I look at her. “You’re repeating that part you know that.”

She gives me this look that is all Sabrina or Sabrina got it from her and I can’t help but smile and she stops and gives me this funny look.

“What?”

“You you’re smiling.”

“You and Sabrina are a lot alike, she takes after you.”

“Oh…” And now she’s blushing and that’s kind of really endearing. She kind of does this little internal mental struggle and the oddest little expression is there as she says. “Well I didn’t expect you to smile; you’re not really that much of an accessible guy.”

I nod. “I’m not, I’m sorry for that too you needed me and really I should have been there and I should have checked in on you and the girls.”

“No well you’ve never been close to us and never really visited so I can’t really blame you for not being here. I mean it’s not like you just stopped showing up or anything.”

“I know but that’s not really an excuse Claire.”

“But I mean I should have called you Will, I mean I know that I should have called you but I was like too scared to call you.”

“Because you transitioned.”

Claire looks at me questioningly. “Music industry, you really do get to know all kinds of folks and from all sorts of situations.”

She looks at me. “Intimate ones?”

“Actually no, I had a trans lady that worked for the house that I was renting in Taiwan and she was the cook and housekeeper and a very nice person and she was the girlfriend of the company driver.”

“Oh…I just…I thought that.”

I take an inhale. “Yeah, I think that I get it. But it’s okay, it is maybe we can just let the fact that we both messed that up go and we can sort of start over?”

She bites her lip and it’s kind of charming actually. “I…I’d like that are you sure that it’s alright though?”

I try a smile. “Yes, I’m sure that it’s alright.”

It’s a funny thing and it’s funny odd but not bad odd the way that she seems to be that apprehensive, unsure and needing to be sure that something is alright or real.

It makes me wonder just how hard this has been for her and the girls and just how much she and they haven’t been telling me?

I look at her. “Well the first thing is actually getting you better and then home.”

Claire looks at me. “Can I have some Chinese food?”

“Only if the doctors say that you can….which I seriously, seriously doubt.”

The nurse gives her a look that is all no to her having anything.

She pouts and it’s actually really cute for a pout and I pass her a cup filled with ice chips. “You can have these though.”

“Oh goodie my favorite.”

Okay I like the sarcasm too.

The doctor that’s on comes in again with the nurses and they do some more checks and they look in her yes and then they check bloods and her pressure and I ask.

“You think that she can have something to eat?”

The doctor looks at me and she looks at her notes. “We’ll see about after I get her blood tests back but I think that a cup of tea or a light coffee would be alright after that but it’s ice chips for now.” And she looks at Claire.

“No pushing it until you’re cleared for it and you take it slow, I want a full work up since it’s been a long, long time since there’s been anything on you here according to your charts.”

Claire just nods. Yes well it’s always easy for some people to say “just go get that and go and just do this” and it’s never that simple.

I look at her. “Well anything like that and we’re good, you and the girls are on my insurance.”

She looks at me and she wants to say something but she has a voice/throat spasm thing from the tube she had and she sips at her ice water and she’s looking at me.

I shrug. “I’ve good insurance and it just seemed like the easiest thing to do.”

Claire nods and she takes another sip and she says a good deal softer now. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” I get up. “I’ll get the girls.”

She nods. “Please.”

I lean over and I give her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll send the girls in.”

She blushes and she gives me a kiss on the cheek back and she hugs me as best as she’s able with the things she is still sort of hooked up to right now and I smile and I head out and I look at Adele and Sabrina.

“I’m going to get your Mom some more ice that’s all that she’s allowed to have right now and stuff so no bringing her in any take-out yet. And she’s pretty raspy from being on the breathing tube so easy on her alright?”

I get two teenaged girls eye rolls. I’m a guy so I can imagine that one’s Of course and the other one is likely Duh.

I steal a shrimp from the lo-mien and grab an eggroll and I head to go and get her some more ice chips and I take them into her and she mouths a thank you and I slip back out again so she can talk with her kids and I go for a walk to clear my head and go and get myself a decently strong coffee.

There’s a lot to think about. There’s a lot to think about just what I’ve been through so far with the girls and with her and actually sitting on the bench outside the hospital and thinking pretty hard about the fact that I actually think I like her.

And actually like her in that we had this sort of maybe chemistry thing?

And about her and my sister.

And trying to figure out just how’d she feel about me liking her wife.

Della texts me and says the vampires did their tests and things and the doctor lady said that her mom could have a tea. I say I’ll bring one up and they have a few sort of little chain kiosks in the lobby so I go and get a tea with milk from the Muffin’s chain place.

I get us both a tea because I’m coffee’d out and I head back after a quick stop at the gift shop and get some flowers there and a few magazines and the local paper too. I don’t know how long they’re going to hold her for observation or maybe more but I sort of want her to have a few things in the meantime.

I head back up and the girls are talking with her and Sabrina’s animated a lot more than Adele who just looks sort of intense and she’s sort of broody and Sabrina’s definitely way more into the happy side of me showing up while Adele’s not upset but she’s that life’s been too hard teenaged sort of guarded about all of it.

Being a non-jerk or trying to be a non-jerk I don’t eavesdrop and I knock and the girls look and see who and Claire waves me in. I come in and set the flowers on her little bed table-tray do-dad and set the other things on the little dresser and pass Clair her tea.

She sips it and she makes that tea drinker’s face of that first sip of tea after a little too long without.

“This is good.” She takes another sip.

“You’re welcome; I took a guess with it.”

Claire smiles some and I find a place to sit and Claire pats the side of her bed and makes room for me. The girls brought in the food at some point and they’re eating and I wave the offer of it off because like I said it’s not to my taste and there’s also the whole sort of me doing the solidarity thing with Claire.

It’s not so hard going without if you’re not the only one going without.

We actually end up talking about the girls and school and how they’re sort of keeping up online with the help of some of their friends and teachers getting their homework and notes e-mailed to them.

I look at Claire. “That’s so different than from when we were in school.”

She nods. “We had none of that and when stuff happened they either excused some of the work or they made you scramble like heck to catch up.”

I nod and smile a little. “I was a wild child and goofed off too much and was a repeat summer school offender.”

Sabrina actually looks between me and her mom. “What’s summer school? That sounds like awful.”

We both laugh a little and a little more as Adele is describing Summer school to her little sister in these terms that make it sound like you were getting sent to a gulag.

She’s smart and inventive, I could almost see her being one of those girls that becomes a witty sounding writer or something.

I take a sip of my tea. “You must have a blog.”

She looks at me. “Maybe, I have like a few of them.”

I look at her. “Anything serious?”

She shrugs and she blushes a little getting sort of defensbashful. “Not really I have a Tumblr and stuff…and a WordPress blog.”

I nod. “I’m actually on almost all of those for work.”

She looks at me. “Why?”

“Well mostly to keep up, there’s a lot of things that you have to keep up on with trends and social media when it comes to music otherwise how are you going to like understand what they’re writing about or what people find important and current.”

Sabrina says. “Borrrrring…most of those blogs are like just a whole bunch of like angry people being angry because they’re like really miserable freaking people.”

I shrug. “Maybe but it’s still pretty useful and it’s like for example there’s a comic called Lumberjanes and it’s getting very popular and there’s a lot of teen girls to college girls following it and that actually might be on its way to getting to be an animated show since Steven Universe is so popular with people right now. But that is maybe leading to music scores and even possibly other things and that’s where bands and even musicians that I know come into things.”

Sabrina just blinks and Adele looks at me and she’s nodding. “What in the Joan Jet.”

I laugh. “Exactly!”

I actually win a small smile from her.

Claire looks lost and I tell her. “It’s a line sort of like what the heck but it’s from the girls in the Lumberjanes comic. That one thing alone has Joan Jet actually reading the comic and I heard last time I was looking at this stuff that she has interest now in that comic and that’s them getting a boost and her getting a new chunk of fan base.”

Adele actually smiles a little, just a little. “That, that would actually be kind of cool I guess.”

I nod. “It’s all really connected now so I have to be connected now too even when I was travelling. Actually especially when I was travelling because we only get to hear about some bands through their online presence or from online word of mouth.”

Claire looks at me. “And you’re not going to be traveling now?”

I shake my head. “Some but they want me to train a bunch of people for doing the things that I was doing and then to be like their boss. And since they’ll all be travelling like I was where I set up my offices for the company is all kind of not an issue since they’ll just fly into wherever I’ll be at.”

“So you’re moving here?”

“You girls are here, and that’s kind of important. Plus it’s actually close to Seattle and its close enough to L.A. for some of the scene as well as the studio things that I’ll be doing or the people I’ll be training will so it’s practical all the way around.”

Claire looks at me. “So the family thing is important now?”

I nod. “It is now, and yeah it took coming here and seeing all of you and actually being here for me to get my head out of my ass.”

Sabrina snickers. “Ass…”

Did I mention I kind of like this kid?

Claire’s looking at me and she’s got that look like she’s really thinking hard about everything that we’ve been saying and she slowly nods. “Well I’m glad that you’re here. Family has been a little few and far between.”

I nod. “The girls have been saying that.”

She blushes. “Sorry Will I…we didn’t mean to drag you into things.”

I shrug but I feel a little awkward too. “It’s okay really. I needed a big kick in the ass with my life I think. There’s been something missing for a long time.”

Adele looks at me. “But you got to like travel everywhere and see things and do stuff.”

I nod. “And I liked that, it was what I wanted but now…I’m pretty tired of being in airports so much that I recognize staff and attendants and pilots.”

She’s looking at me like I’m crazy.

I chuckle. “I’m old kiddo and I want off the ride before I break a hip.”

She snort-laughs.

And Claire’s staring at me with this look of amusement and a little bit of amazement too?

But she doesn’t say anything past sipping at her tea and smiling around the rim.

Adele actually asks me about a bunch of different countries and if I’ve been there or not or is I speak any of their languages and I sort of do. I speak decent French and Spanish as well as German and my Chinese, Arabic and Russian are barely past having the ability to have some manners and to hail cabs and order room service.

But learning how to ask for French fries and hamburgers in different languages is amusing Adele and Sabrina and they’re trying to say things too and we get into it a lot and I feel Claire’s head touch my arm.

I look down and she’s finished her tea and at some point while we were talking she’d fallen asleep and she has this quiet sort of smile on her face.

It doesn’t take a whole lot for me to look at the face and see things there.

Worry lines, and laugh lines, there’s some darkness under her eyes from someone that doesn’t rest. I’ve seen things at her house; I’ve seen the bills and the worries.

She has age there too; she’s not some fresh looking young thing that’s just transitioned. She’s been there and done that and she’s just living her life.

And it’s not me feeling some white knight thing.

I’ve been there and done that enough in my youth that to learn that being a white knight isn’t actually what people need. Not long term at least. Though for some folks that’s exactly what they want.

I don’t think that’s Claire though.

She just seems to be relieved that she’s not going through this alone right now.

My mouth actually goes a little dry as she shifted my way a little more and her hand actually took mine while she was sleeping and I move my hand to take hers and she does this semi-sigh in her sleep and look at the girls who are looking at me and they’ve gone quiet.

Adele gets up and she leaves for a minute and she comes back with one of those heated blankets from the nurses station and Sabrina comes over and she actually lifts my legs up making groaning faces of effort and then she grins as she gets my legs up over the side of the bed and Claire actually shifts a little to make some room.

I mean I could fight it or something but right now I’ve two determined and hurting girls pushing me to share the bed with their mom and I have a very tired and literally still hurt single mom asleep against me and I really don’t want to wake her up.

And…and okay all of this…all of this is really desperately tugging at things inside.

Especially Adele.

There’s this every once in a near wince like look there from her that is fighting with her smiling, like she needs to look at me to see if this is okay, like she has to keep checking if she’s okay.

Kids shouldn’t hurt like this, they should have to have that sort of fear inside them this young.

So I go with it, I go with it and I let both of the girls hoist my legs into the bed and let Adele add the heated blanket while Sabrina puts up the gate on Claire’s far side and they turn down the lights and they take the Chinese food with them and Adele mouths that she and Sabrina will be down in the family quiet room.

And then I’m alone with Claire and she’s semi-snuggled to my side and I’m soon falling asleep myself. It’s a combination of everything just suddenly stopping and I think it might just be the company too.

It’s nice to feel someone next to you.

Really nice.

I’m actually woken in the morning by Claire moving and it’s early but not too early and there’s a nurse there and she’s looking at me with a small smile and an odd look and I move while she helps Claire to the bathroom and I go out and check on the girls who are asleep on the biggest couch in the quiet room and I let them be since they’re sleeping and head back to check on Claire who’s talking with the nurse and her doctor who’s giving her yet another check-up.

“So can I go home?” She asks him.

“I’d like to keep you here for observation honestly Claire. And for at least a few more days.” He looks at me and then back to her. “You have someone here to watch over things home it seems.”

She makes a face. “I feel okay.” She rubs at the bandage cap on her head she hasn’t really reacted to that or hasn’t while I was here. She does look at me and gets a bashful sort of look through. It’s kind of in conflict with her other look of being tired and not having the wherewithal to really be too upset with her looks.

“You do I’m sure but we just want to be sure and we want to run a few more tests just to really be sure that things are alright.”

She looks at me. “Will…?”

I smile for her. “It’s okay; I can take care of the girls and things.”

“Are you sure? I mean it’s one thing for you to be here but I’m awake now so you don’t have to be here if you have things that you have to do.” And she’s sort of biting her lower lip a little.

She’s afraid to want, she’s afraid to really ask.

Her and Adele.

Both of them have really been put through the wringer.

“Claire it’s absolutely fine. Now what do you need me to do?”

“Can you take them home and maybe get them to see about getting the school work that they’ve missed?”

“I can that’s no problem and anything else?”

She shakes her head no almost bashfully.

“Okay, well then how about breakfast?”

She’s looking at the doctor and he nods. “Solid foods are fine just don’t overdo it on the caffeine.”

She has a nice smile at that. “That’s okay as long as I have a cup of tea I’ll be just peachy.”

The nurse asks if she wants some breakfast brought to her and I look at them. “We got it covered.” And Claire looks at me and I go and het a wheelchair. “How about we all have something down in the cafeteria?”

She smiles at that and she looks at the doctor who nods. “That looks perfect and I’ll schedule those tests for this afternoon.”

She nods and I get her into her chair and we go down and wake up the kids and they’re a bit sleepy and they look like they want to be cranky and they sort of swallow that down while looking at me and their mom and Claire takes them into the bathroom to get sort of freshened up and when she comes out with them they have washed their faces and combed and brushed their hair and Claire even has a little make-up on.

She looks nice, really pretty actually and I find myself smiling.

And she’s smiling too and there’s a blush and a head duck as she gets back into the wheelchair and we all go down to the cafeteria for some breakfast together.

For a hospital the food isn’t bad here in the cafeteria though I will have to get used to the food here it seems since my instinct is a lot heavier with thoughts of pancakes and sausages and the like and Claire and the girls get a fruit salad and whole grain toast along with turkey bacon that they’re sharing and some veggie sausage.

I honestly don’t know if this is a girl thing or this is a California thing.

The tea though makes Claire happy since it’s one of those little metal pots and really hot water and then they actually use what she calls a real tea bag and not one of those paper ones.

They’re talking about stuff and Adele has the laptop and they’re actually getting in contact with the school and her teachers and while I’m used to doing things at the office this way it’s way out of the realm of my experience to see someone skyping the vice-principle of a school to talk about what’s going on for the girls and their homework and assignments and me getting introduced too so they actually know my face.

Once that’s settled Claire is talking chores with them and the girls are talking about all of the stuff that we’ve already done and what’s been paid.

She turns and she’s staring at me.

“Will…you didn’t have to…”

I look her in the eyes. “I’m here Claire, like really here and that means all-in. Things are tight and I’m doing good. I’ve been lucky in that way. It wasn’t a problem.”

“But that’s so much…” She looks like she’s tearing up.

“No, it’s not. Not really and you and the girls aren’t alone anymore. You don’t have to fight these fights anymore.”

She does cry, tears spilling over and she has this look in her eyes of relief, of relief and still sort of shock and she’s still staring at me until I take some of the napkins from the table and dry her eyes.

Sabrina says. “We have a spare room, we can pay him back by him staying with us right?”

Claire nods and she takes the napkin from me and she wipes some more. “If that’s alright with him.”

The girls are staring at me.

Claire is staring at me and there’s this hopeful please there.

“I’d be grateful honestly; I’m not sure after all of this that alone in some hotel while waiting to find a place would be okay.”

Actually I know it wouldn’t.

After all of this I’d miss this, I’d be lonely. I’d be lonely in a way that I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t like…not anymore.

Claire’s looking me in my eyes and she smiles a little, it’s like she’s still trying to be allowed to be happy and stuff but it’s a smile and it’s a real one.

“Then it’s settled?”

I smile back. “I guess so.”

The smile on my own face feels good.

Claire reaching up to hold my hand as I wheel her back to my room feels good.

We get her settled and I send the girls to go and get their things together and she looks at me.

“Really Will thanks, I mean it. Hell I don’t even know how to say thanks in the right way really. It’s been a long time since there’s been anyone in our lives that we can count on.”

I sit on the edge of her bed. “I know, the girls told me Claire.”

“They like you, and they don’t like a lot of people.”

“I kind of got that too.”

She looks at me. “I tried, I tried to not be like this…tried to not be alone after we lost your sister. There’s just…there’s just not me to think about and there’s really just not that many people that are willing to deal with them and especially with me.”

“You don’t seem that bad.”

She looks at me. “I wonder…seriously, it feels sometime that all the people in my life have just been putting up with me until they get fed up and then they leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere Claire.”

“I’m scared to trust that Will.”

“I know.”

“Please be real, I don’t think I can be strong enough if this is just something that’s going to happen and you’re going to become invisible again.”

“I don’t want to be invisible Claire. God, I’m so sick of being invisible.”

She looks at me and I look at her and I’m not sure just how much she’s ever get that I wanted to kiss her in that moment.

I have never ached to have that kind of contact with someone before in my life.

I’ve never ever talked like this, opened up to someone like this before in my life.

Then of course the girls show up and they were trying to be quiet, they were trying I think to give us a moment.

I mean Claire and I both get everything about me being in the guest room and why the girls want me there so bad.

And we’re not fighting it.

But there’s just…just stuff there between all of this and it’s pretty big stuff too.

I look at the girls and I take a really big deep breath to clear the lump in my throat.

“Okay…I’m going to take the girls to their schools and get their classwork and then I’ll take them home for a while after we go grocery shopping.”

She does a hard swallow and a deep breath too and she nods and she gives me this bitter-sweet sort of smile and says. “Not too much junk.” And she looks at me. “And you don’t have to buy out the store okay Will you’re being way too generous as it is.”

“We’ll behave I promise.”

I head out with the girls after they hug her and kiss her and it’s hard to just go. It feels like there’s stuff unresolved between us…I wanted to kiss her so bad. I want to make that hurt and lonely ache coming off of her stop.

She’s hurt.

She’s been hurt and it’s dawning on me that I hate it.

Going with the girls helped. I talked to the people at their schools and they seem very interested to meet me and there’s definitely that sort of busy body thing that goes on with trans lives. The girls seem used to it but Adele seemed very aware of it. She doesn’t say anything about it but yeah… it was there.

I didn’t say much either and I didn’t answer a few of the sort of leading and kind of prying questions but tried to give off the vibe that those sorts of questions weren’t kosher.

Going grocery shopping was a relief for all three of us.

That was actually kind of fun and it wasn’t that hard either. Everyone in the house can have milks so that was a no brainer and eggs too and after that I went for cheese and yogurt and then fruit to have in the house.

Okay you’d think that living now in California that produce would actually be cheaper but no, not really.

Adele has her own cart and she is getting things that they can have for her Snaps card?

Okay, I don’t really do grocery shopping, I don’t really have to worry about cash and the whole reality of food stamps is new to me.

Actually not new but it was totally different than what we dealt with growing up and everything.

There’s a part of me that never wanted to go back to dealing with that stuff, with the way that that can feel.

I don’t like how familiar Adele is with it either.

At just the whole situation.

So I do buy stuff, and not all junk food but I buy stuff and I buy stuff to stock the shelves too. Like garbage bags and freezer bags, cling wrap and all of those thing that you like need to actually do kitchen things.

Sabrina’s eyes are getting huge as I fill the cart. And I mean fill the cart up with things and it’s very much like she’s never seen so much stuff before.

Okay there’s some junk.

Well junk but not junk. Frozen mini-pizzas and something called bagel-bites and frozen bagels for the toaster and hot pockets and cheese strings because Sabrina wanted them and I like mozzarella and I’ve never had a cheese string thingy before.

We fill the trunk of the car and there’s even some bags in the back seat.

I really wasn’t expecting the way it would feel in my chest to have Adele and Sabrina running around the house actually having a happy freak out as we unload things and we’re putting things away.

I actually just sort of take a moment for that to all sink in really.

I’m still doing that as I get them to try and get a start in on their homework and I bust out a tray thingy of cut mixed vegetables with a dish of hummus in the middle for them to snack on and I actually get supper started with just plain old meatballs with some Italian bread crumbs that cook in the frying pan and I use jarred sauce but I make spaghetti with meatballs.

And it turns out that that’s one of their favorite meals.

And I make some calls while I’m doing all of that and get a hold of a stylist I know that is willing to help me. Well help Claire and I actually talk to one of the guys I know that runs a crew that makes sets up for videos and stuff and he said that he’d be willing to come over at some point in time and suss out the house for what it needs for repairs and I’d rather his opinion over a contractor that I don’t actually know.

And then after supper we’re back to the hospital to see Claire and they girls are still excited and still talking about the stuff we bought and she’s looking at me with this sort of bemused way.

“That’s a lot of stuff Will.”

“You were out of a lot of stuff; we were out of a lot of stuff.”

The WE part has her stop saying what she was going to say and she blushes.

Actually she blushes and she smiles some too.

Then we’re talking about school things and then I tell her about Anita the woman that I got in contact with that does hair and make-up for some of the music videos and that she said that she’d be over tomorrow to actually see what she can do for her in the way of a professional wig.

She was blushing and touching her head a lot and she looks at me.

“Thank you Will, that’s really above and beyond.”

“Well it’s not just for you the girls were really upset that they had to shave your hair off.”

She blinks a little and she nods but even I can tell that she’s still definitely hurt from this and she rubs at her eyes and she sniffles. “Sorry, it’s still…”

“Hard?”

Claire nods. “I hate this… I hate being back here to this effing stubble and all the stuff with my dad demanding that I have a proper haircut….it took so long to actually grow out…it had history, like…it was the hair that I grew out when I was starting to transition.”

I didn’t know most of that stuff with her dad and if he was like that just about hair how did he react…well I guess I know the answer to that too.

She sniffles again. “I look like a guy…I feel like I look like a guy.”

“You…Do…Not…Look like a guy.”

She sniffles and she’s looking at me and she wipes at her eyes again.

I pass her a tissue. “Actually you look beautiful.”

Claire’s staring at me wide eyed, reddened and teary but she’s still wide eyed and she’s still…well her.

“Will…?”

I look at her and I shrug and I blush. “It’s true.”

“But…?”

“No, no buts Claire. I’m serious…I like you.”

“You like me?”

“Yeah…” I shrug and I’m the one who’s blushing and hunched.

Seriously, this isn’t me and I don’t talk like this and open up…it’s scary and it hurts.

She actually moves on the bed sort of schooching closer so we’re sitting side by side and she does this big exhale and she slips her fingers in with mine.

“I like you too Will…I have for a long time.”

“I’ve never felt like this before Claire, never, not about anyone and I have no idea what they hell I’m doing.”

She nods.

I do a double-take as it hits me. “Wait what? A long time?”

She nods and she has tears building too. “A crush, A big one and it’s not even with you it’s with the fantasy version of you that’s been in my head.”

“You were crushing on me?”

“You were they only one that gave me the time of day Will, you were there and you were sending presents and you were good to the girls and even if you and I never ever met you were important Will…important to me.”

I’m looking at her and she’s looking at me and I swallow and she smiles at me. “I like the real guy more though, more than the Will in my head.”

“Why?”

“Because we can do this.” And she holds up our hands with our fingers interwoven and she tightens her grip.

I was still staring at it and smiling when the girls who were there staring with their mouths hanging open screamed. “Kiss her!”