Sydney Moya

© 2015

Synopsis

A man left his home town years ago as a teenager. Now he returns but is very different from the person who left years ago.

Part two- A family again

After helping her unpack I left my sister upstairs as she wanted to take a shower and change.

I wandered downstairs and found Mum and Dad seated on the couch watching the sleeping baby.

"Is she still asleep?"

"She is," Mum told me.

I went to Bonnie and watched her too. She looked so small yet so perfect.

"She's beautiful," I murmured.

"She is isn't she," Mum concurred, “just like you at that age.”

"Where is Des?" Dad asked.

"Showering I think," I answered.

Dad shook his head.

"Are you okay?" I asked the olds.

Mum sighed, "I don't know. I'm so confused. How could he do that?"

"He was suicidal. I always thought we'd given you two a happy childhood?" Dad asked looking at me.

He suddenly seemed so much older.

My heart broke. I'd never seen my father so uncertain about anything now here he was second guessing himself.

"I had a happy childhood Dad so don't go thinking otherwise. Part of me thinks Des was happy too which is why he came home," I told them before giving him a hug.

"Besides we should be happy that Des is back and look at the latest addition to our family. I know I'm thrilled to be an aunty. Just look at her, she's so precious," I remarked glancing at Bonnie.

Dad’s tired look vanished, "You're right about that honey," he offered.

My parents decided we ought to talk some more when Des was done with freshening up. She came downstairs wearing a delectable white summer dress that showcased her awesome body. She was tall for a girl at 5ft10 but all that was mostly legs that went on forever. Des had never had a big body and as a woman he was supermodel slender but with curves that defined her as a female. She didn’t seem to have put on any makeup but still looked perfect.

Looking at her I felt pride that I had such a gorgeous sister as well as a bit of envy that my brother could look so good. Once again Mum and Dad were left speechless at her appearance.

I wolf whistled and she blushed and giggled. Her laughter was such a nice sound and so infectious I joined in. I went over and made her turn around so I could see what the dress looked like from every angle.

“This is a great dress but I suspect you make anything you wear look good. You’re making me so jealous,” I told her.

“Thanks sis, but this is just something I threw on. Besides look at you rocking that short,” she pointed out.

I slapped her arm, Belinda responded by tickling me, I shrieked and we fell onto the sofa laughing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mum shake her head, a smile on her face.

“Girls,” she called out which immediately got our attention.

Had she just said girls? To Des and I?

Mum turned red, which made me wonder if she’d intended to say that.

“We need to talk,” Dad announced.

“Sure,” said my sibling, sitting up straighter and smoothing the skirt of her dress, her legs crossed in a very feminine way.

I nodded in agreement while noting how natural my sibling seemed as a female. I'm sure our parents couldn't help noticing that too.

“We’re happy you’re home kiddo and the last thing we want is to drive you away,” Dad began.

“We want to get to know you and Bonnie and for you to always feel this is your home,” Mum added.

“We won’t pretend that we understand what drove you to leave and change so much but you’re 28 and a parent and we have to respect your decision even if we don’t agree or like it,” she explained.

Dad looked at her without speaking and she prompted him, “Tom?”

“Yes,” agreed Dad. He didn’t look too happy though.

My sibling nodded.

“Will you ever go back to being a man?” Dad asked.

“No,” said Belinda, “this is me for the rest of my life. Let’s just say even if I had the inclination to do that which I don’t the surgery isn’t reversible. I simply don’t have the bits that make a man. Only a gynaecologist could tell I wasn’t born female now,” she added.

Our parents both paled at this. They didn’t seem to have understood the intricacies of gender reassignment. I barely did and was only slightly less taken aback than they were.

“The only thing I can’t do is have a period and fall pregnant, otherwise I’m female,” she explained.

My parents were gobsmacked.

So was I for that matter, she really was a woman I thought, I mean I don’t know a guy who’d want to have female junk. Most cross-dressers didn’t, at least I thought they didn’t. I knew squat about my sister’s condition.

My parents were still shell-shocked.

“So do you have a boyfriend?” I asked.

Belinda shook her head and gave me the look. It was a look we’d patented as kids that meant something not be discussed in front of the ‘rents.

“Sweetie, how are you going to marry?” Mum wondered, latching onto my question.

My sister- there was no way I could see her as a boy after what I’d just heard- gave me a glown (glare+frown).

“I don’t know if I’m the marrying type. I haven’t met the right person like you two did,” she answered softly.

“You mean the right girl right?” Dad hinted.

Belinda shook her head, “I’m not attracted to women,” she murmured.

“You’re gay!” Dad hollered.

“I think she’d be gay if she was attracted to women. Gay men want to stay as men I think,” Mum enlightened him.

Belinda nodded as we all stared at her, she certainly didn’t look anything like a man.

“I’m not happy about this,” Dad muttered.

“Neither am I but what’s done is done. He is a girl now and won’t be going back so what is the way forward?” Mum said looking at Dad.

“I know I look different and that I’ve been gone for a long time but I’d like it if we reconnected. I want to be part of your lives. I want Bonnie to know the amazing people you are and for you to watch her grow up. I want to be accepted as your daughter and sister,” said Belinda slowly.

“You are my sister and I’d love to get to know you. I will also kill you if go away from ten years again,” I immediately piped up.

“Thank you,” said my sister.

She gave me a bright smile just like the one's I'd seen on her face when I was small. I smiled back.

Dad shook his head, "You're my son. How am I supposed to forget that?"

"Tom," Mum said looking at Dad.

Belinda wasn't one for turning though.

"I was never your son. I've never seen myself as a boy. My body lied about my gender. How many boys do you know who would hate their bodies so much they'd do what I did? Not too many I bet and that's because no man would want this. I'm not a man and I never was which is why the doctors agreed to help me. I had to do it because I just couldn't stomach being a man. It was a horrible feeling looking at my reflection and loathing it. I hated having erections, watching hair grow on my face and on my body, hearing my own voice break. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable I was? Everyone else was proud of who they were and I only wanted to cut off the parts that made me male. I hated it so much I actually tried to kill myself when I was seventeen by walking onto the road." Belinda told us.

Mum gasped.

A car had nearly hit Belinda when she was 17. The driver's quick thinking and reflexes had led to him narrowly missing her. Thankfully there hadn't been any oncoming traffic and no one was hurt. He'd stopped his car to to check on my sibling before insisting on driving her home. He'd told Mum he'd narrowly missed hitting her son as he hadn't been paying attention on the street.

"You did that on purpose," Mum stated, her face white as she realised how close she'd come to losing her child.

Belinda nodded tears running down her cheeks.

"I was so miserable I couldn't see the point of carrying on," she murmured, "But after I saw the sheer terror on that man's face I decided I wasn't going to make my misery ruin someone else's life. I decided to do whatever it took to be the girl I felt I was." Belinda finished.

"I'm your daughter. I always have been," she whispered.

Mum went over to her and hugged her, both of them crying.

"It's okay sweetheart. It's okay," she told her child as she stroked her hair.

I placed an arm around Belinda too. I felt miserable that she'd suffered so much at a time when she should have been carefree.

Even Dad had glint in his eye. He came over and joined the hug.

"Welcome home my girl," he said which only made Bel sob some more though these were tears of joy.

After this heavy conversation Dad retired to his shed while Mum went into the kitchen to cook the evening meal. She wanted to make something nice to mark her child’s return. This left my sister and me to our own devices.

We used the time to talk. I told Belinda what had been going on in my life. We had a lot of catching up to do as I’d last seen her when I was 13 and she was 18.

By the time dinner rolled around my sister and I and had spent an eternity chatting, filling each other in on the happenings in our lives.

It was cathartic as we shared the things that had unfolded in our lives. I found out Belinda had walked a hard road to become the woman she'd always felt she was.

I wanted to know more about what made someone change their gender.

"I didn't change it. I was always female inside but my body didn't reflect that. When you were born I asked Mum why you were different and she said you were a girl. That was the moment I first realised I wasn't right. Being a child I sort of thought I could turn into a girl one day."

She looked wistfully at the mantelpiece.

"I spent a lot of time imagining myself as a girl. I'd see the girls at school and I'd wish I could join them. I used to wonder what it would be like to be one of them. In my mind I could see myself being a mother when I grew up. Puberty was a slap in the face. It was like I was being mocked by my body. Every day took me further away from my dream."

"I'm sorry," I said to her unable to imagine going through something that bad.

"It's so much better now. I'm not in pain anymore. I can look in the mirror and face the same insecurities as every one else."

Bonnie stirred in her cot. She woke up and almost reflexively her mother was at her side.

"Good morning Bonbon," Belinda cooed.

Bonnie gurgled and grabbed Belinda's finger in her tiny fist. Belinda laughed and made silly faces at her infant. I watched enamoured by the two of them. Belinda then changed Bonnie’s diaper all the while cooing at the baby.

When she was done she placed the child on her knee.

"Bonnie meet Megan. She's my sister and your auntie,"

"Hi Bonnie," I said cheerfully.

Bonnie looked at me with the large blue eyes she’d inherited from my mother. Belinda passed her to me while she was still eyeing me curiously.

"Lets go give her a bath," Belinda suggested.

I stood up holding Bonnie who was still looking at me.

"Gaga," Bonnie said waving her arms, "Ma, ma." She added.

"Time for a bath sweetheart," Belinda told her daughter.

We went upstairs and Belinda ran a bath. She'd left a baby bath in the bathroom when she was freshening up. She checked the water temperature with her elbow and once satisfied it was fine she took the baby from me and began undressing her. When she was done she gradually slipped Bonnie into the water feet first, using one hand to cradle her neck.

I watched as she lovingly washed the baby, a smile on both their faces. She sang softly to her child making Bonnie laugh happily. Before long she was done and Bonnie was dressed and soon feeding from her mother's breast. It was an age-old act as ancient as our race but it struck me how natural my sister looked and how happy she appeared. She looked beatific.

I knew intellectually that Belinda was a woman but the way she cared for Bonnie finally convinced my doubtful heart.

I knew men could be gentle with children too but Belinda feeding Bonnie from her breast was something no man could do. It was utterly feminine and it was at that moment I fully understood that Belinda had never been male no matter what her body had been like before.

After some minutes Bonnie decided she'd had enough. We went back downstairs and my sister and I set up Bonnie's toys. We had her stack some cups while we watched clapping and encouraging her as she attempted her task. Bonnie however was like all babies in that she had a short attention span. After some minutes she abandoned the cups and decided to explore her new surroundings. We watched carefully as she crawled around the living room looking and trying to touch the coffee table and the flower vase our mother kept in the corner.

Belinda had the perfect counter to this. She placed her daughter's favourite toys near her and called out to her. Bonnie saw her mother clutching her teddy and started crawling towards her.

Mom walked in on a lovely scene. Her daughters happily playing with her granddaughter. Belinda and I were sitting cross-legged clutching a stuffed animal each as we enacted a play for Bonnie who was enraptured I have to say.

Mom was so fascinated she started filming us on her phone unbeknownst to us. She’d called Dad back to the house for dinner and he stumbled onto this scene. My mother shushed him before he could say a thing and he also stood there watching his descendants. A smile slowly appeared on his face, the first one since my sister had arrived.

I happened to look up at that moment and saw my parents holding hands and smiling as Mum filmed us. I knew then that whatever happened we were going to be okay.

To be continued.