Chapter 7

Maggie and Karen were in Maggie's office, having a bite of lunch and discussing Drew's case.

“Well Karen, any surprises so far?”

“Not really. Drew has a very simplistic view of gender, which is normal for children at that age. I was a little surprised to see that Drew hadn't put some of the puzzle pieces together vis a vis Maddy or Jules until this morning though. Mind you, he's been brought up in a family that has been loving and trusting – there would be no reason to suspect that anyone had ulterior motives.”

“And I did notice a couple of times where he said that once he was out and about as Gaby, that he essentially forgot about what he was wearing and just went about life. This takes him out of the realm of the casual crossdresser or the transvestite completely. Drew is acting very much like a pre-op transsexual well into their RLT.”

“How so, Karen?”

“Well, over time, as the person gets more and more comfortable in their true gender role, they tend to just go about daily life – they no longer consciously think about what they are doing – like how they are dressed, how they walk, how they talk, etc. Drew seems to be very much like that when he becomes Gaby. Although having to do it for 6 weeks solid would certainly help do that, most crossdressers couldn't have pulled it off for this length of time. So it certainly has me thinking as to where on the gender continuum it is that Drew fits in.”

“And it seems to come so naturally for Drew. The physical cues are certainly there – and we now know why that is – but so are all of the movement cues, and a great many of the socialization cues. Drew's speech is certainly more like that of a young woman than a young man as well. Even if Drew identifies male, will he ever be able to have a male life? I'm not sure he would.”

“Mind you, F to M transsexuals have been getting on with life for years. Even if the surgical results are less than stellar. But, there may be some options for Drew, however limited they may be, if a male identity is where Drew ends up.”

“I really think that we need to start probing more into Drew's concepts of gender and how and why he wants to present as he does. What is the motivation, Maggie? Is Drew truly gender conflicted, as it appears, or is Drew merely trying to please everyone else?”

“Good questions, Karen. My own take on it is likely a combination of the two, but I think we may also be missing something. I just don't know what it is at this point. But, we should head back and get back to it. I don't want to delay Drew's reunion with Dave and Jenny any longer than is absolutely necessary.”

With that, the two doctors packed up their notes and headed back towards Drew's room. On the way by, Maggie poked her head inside the observation room and told Jenny and Dave they were about to start up again. As they walked into the room, Drew was asleep – for all the world looking as peaceful as any of them had ever seen.

Maggie thought to herself “The one place Drew is truly at peace – in sleep. No worries about Gaby, or living up to other people's expectations or anything else.” And she thought it sad that this was the only place Drew truly was at peace. It didn't seem fair that a child that age should be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.

She reached over and gently tapped Drew's shoulder. “Drew, can you wake up please? We'd like to talk to you some more if we could.”

Drew stretched, cat-like and yawned as he began to wake up. “Oh, hi Dr. Maggie. I guess I fell asleep. Must be kind of tired I guess.”

“That's quite all right Drew. You've been under a lot of stress, and that can wear a person out. Do you think you and I and Karen could talk some more now?”

“Sure. It's kind of nice to be able to talk to someone about this actually. It feels good to get it off of my chest.”

“Okay then, why don't we pick up where we left off. Karen, did you want to start?”

“Certainly” replied Karen. “Drew, before lunch, we were talking about gender, and all the different ways gender can be expressed. When I asked you what gender Drew was, you replied but then asked if I thought you were gay or something. Can you tell me what you meant by that?”

“Well……. Aren't transvestites gay men who like to dress up in women's clothes? Cuz I'm certainly not one of them. I don't like boys that way.”

“Ummmm…. no Drew that's not really what a transvestite is. Would you like me to explain what some of those terms you seem to have read about really mean?”

“Yes please Dr. Karen – what I read was very confusing”

In the observation room, Jenny looked at Dave.

“Oh my, Drew is very confused about a few things. Funny, I remember him making a comment about transvestites, but not really much more. I'm afraid I didn't stop to explain things either. And he's never asked about anything like this before. I didn't really think he knew anything about it. Although if he went searching on the internet, who knows what he may have found.”

“Well Jen, he has obviously been curious about this, but he said nothing to me either. Mind you, I don't really know a whole lot about it all either. But that sort of thing is always frowned upon by most people, so lord only knows what Drew thinks of himself if all the information he's been getting has been from the papers or the like.” Dave sighed and continued “And for whatever reason, he didn't seem to trust us enough to ask about it. What does that say?”

“Well luv, let's see where the doctors take this and what they find out from Drew.”

Back in Drew's room Karen was collecting her thoughts and deciding how to approach this with Drew.

“Drew, before we discuss those terms, I think I need to explain a couple of other things. First off, gender orientation and sexual orientation are two different things.”

“What do you mean Dr. Karen?”

“Well……..I guess in the simplest terms, gender is who you are; and sexual orientation is who you love. And right now, we – that being the medical community – generally believe that both of these things are ‘hard-wired' into a person at birth. And that this hard wiring overrides what the body may tell you. For instance, I have always known I was a girl inside – that is the way I am hard wired. But there are many people out there whose internal hard wiring does not match their bodies. And since there is no way to change the hard wiring, the only way to help these people is to help them adapt the outer shell – their bodies – to the internal wiring. And to be honest, all of the social conditioning in the world does not change the reality of who they are inside. There have been cases of boys who have been raised as girls, and vice versa; where years later these people change back to who they are. Their internal wiring said to them ‘No, this is not who I am'.”

“Sexual orientation, on the other hand, is really about who you love. Who you are physically attracted to, and who you feel happiest being with.”

“There is no right or wrong here Drew. Yes, there are those who believe that if you are born with a female body you are a woman for all time. And born with a male body you are a man no matter what. But it is my opinion, and the opinion of many in the medical community that this is simply not the case. That there are cases where this simply does not fit.”

“And in terms of sexual orientation, there are also many who believe that being gay or lesbian is just simply wrong. Some believe that for religious reasons, others for other reasons. Much of this depends on your own belief system.”

“Dr. Karen, do you believe that being gay or lesbian is wrong?' came the timid question from Drew.

“Well Drew, I try not to bring my personal beliefs into by professional life. I think that is up to each person to decide for themselves. But I think you would be better asking yourself the question ‘If I fell in love with a person, truly in love, would it matter if they were male or female?' Your answer to yourself is what counts.”

Drew thought for a moment. “I think I need to think about that one some more too Dr. Karen.”

“That's fine Drew. These are not easy questions, and many people spend years trying to figure them out. I wouldn't expect you to have a quick answer to them.”

“But to get back to the explanations – now don't worry, there won't be a test at the end of this. I only do that to my students.”

Drew tittered. He really liked Dr. Karen and they way she made him laugh. Drew felt he could tell her anything.

“Okay, so you know that homosexual means to love another person the same gender you are. Heterosexual means you love another person of the opposite gender. So let's start with the term you used – transvestite. A transvestite is generally a heterosexual male who gets sexual pleasure from wearing women's clothing. Do you think that applies to you? Do you get sexually excited when you wear girl's clothes?”

“No, it's not like that Dr. Karen – they feel good and they're comfortable, but they don't make me feel like that.”

“Okay Drew, so then do you think you're a transvestite?”

“Errmmm, no I guess not.”

“Okay, so let's move onto another term you have probably heard ‘Drag Queen'. Have you heard that one before Drew?”

“Umm, yes. Yes I have.”

“A drag queen is generally, and I will only say generally, a gay male who dresses in women's clothing for the shock factor or camp factor. It is often perceived by many as a parody of society and the way they try to pigeonhole people into being simply one thing or another. Many drag queens do have a feminine side that they express in this manner, but they do not dress this way all the time, and it is generally not for sexual purposes. Although there are many gay men attracted to drag queens in a sexual manner as well. I don't think that one applies to you either Drew.”

“Most definitely not doctor.”

“Okay, here is another term. ‘Cross dresser'. Again, mostly males although there are some women that cross dress as men. These are, speaking in terms of the men, men who have a strong feminine side and need to express it. They do it through dressing as a women. Not to be a parody or a joke or anything like that. Simply to express a side of themselves that demands expression. And again, not all of the time. And like the transvestite are generally heterosexual males. Most of the time they present as males – at work, at school and the like – but there are times when they feel they have to express their feminine side. Many times more often than the transvestite and in most cases it is not for sexual fulfillment – there is often no sexual component to it whatsoever.”

“And then there is what we call the ‘transsexual'. These are the people whose bodies do not match their internal gender. If we were to use me as an example, I have the hard wiring of a woman, but would have the body of a man. These are people who are often terribly conflicted. They feel like they are the only one in the world to feel that way. They are very afraid to tell anyone, because they fear they will be rejected, or hurt, or excluded from society because people will think them freaks. These are people we try to help adapt their anatomical sex to their hard wiring. It's not perfect, but right now, it is what we can do to help.”

“And of course, there are intersexed people. We talked about that this morning. There are many that don't even know they are intersexed until puberty hits and they start developing contrary to the gender they have been raised as and appear to be.”

“Is that what is happening to me doctor? Am I like that?”

“Well Drew, that's part of what we are trying to find out. That's why we are running all those blood tests and the like.”

“Oh.”

“Now I know I have just given you a whole lot of information. Did it all make sense to you Drew? Is there anything you would like to be explained further?”

“Well doctor, how would they not know you were intersexed when you were born? Earlier you said that intersexed people are often born with both sets of parts?”

Karen paused for a moment. “Well Drew, sometimes they are not – in fact many times they are not. Often the only indication would be from what internal organs they have or if a DNA test were run at birth. In many cases the outward appearance gives no clue. And while it might be nice to be able to run DNA tests on all children at birth – it would be dreadfully expensive. And it is only in the last 20 years or so we have been able to run DNA tests at all.”

“Well how could you tell if their internal organs were different?”

“MRI's can do it. In the past there would be apparent males who began to menstruate which was the first indication. And at that time it would take surgery or dye X-Rays to find out.”

“Oh.”

“So would I have to give everything up if it turned out I was a girl inside? What would happen to me and Maddy? What would Mum and Dad and Jules think? They'd think I was some kind of freak wouldn't they? And what would happen to cycling – they'd throw me out!”

Drew began to cry. “They'd hate me! I know it!”

Maggie came over to Drew's side and held his hand. “And why do you think that Drew? Why do they think they'd hate you?”

“Well, they wouldn't have their son anymore would they? It might be all right with mum, but what about dad? He…he would be so disappointed. I …I….I…don't want to hurt them like that. I love them so much.”

And in a very small voice Drew said “And I don't know if they'd love me any more if I wasn't who I am now.”

Maggie sat down on the edge of the bed and Drew threw himself into her shoulder, crying and hanging on for dear life.

“Shhhh, Drew. It will be all right. We will do everything we can to help you.”

Maggie sat with Drew as he sobbed. She knew that they had to bring Jenny and Dave in very soon. She looked at Karen and mouthed the word ‘sedative'. Karen nodded and went out to get a mild sedative for Drew. Once out of the room she went to the observation room to have a word with Jenny and Dave before she went back. Jenny was crying and holding on to her husband; and Dave was trying to be strong for her but looked like he was ready to fall apart.

“I know this has been very hard to watch. It is very hard for me as well when I see a child in such pain. Once we give Drew a mild sedative, I would very much like to sit down with the both of you so we can talk about today so far”

Jenny sniffled “I need to be with my baby doctor. He needs me.”

“I know Jenny, and that will happen soon. I promise. I think Drew will need all the support he can get very soon. I do need to talk to Drew a bit about how he feels inside about being Gaby and being Drew. I think he needs to rest for a while before we do that, but right after that I think we should have you go in to be with him. Is that all right?”

“We said we wanted you to do whatever it took to help our child doctor” replied Dave “And if you think that is best we will abide by it. But we really want to be with Drew soon.”

“Right then, let me go and get something to help Drew sleep for a bit and then we can talk.”

With that Karen left the room. After getting the sedative and a glass of water, she went back to Drew's room.

“Drew? Drew could you take this please. It will help calm you down and help you fall asleep. I think you should rest for a bit before we continue. Okay?”

Disengaging himself from Maggie, Drew looked up. “Okay Dr. Karen. I think I would like to rest too.”

Taking the glass of water and the pill from Karen, Drew swallowed the pill and lay back in bed.

Maggie got up off the bed, and ruffling Drew's hair lightly she told him to rest for a while and they would be back in an hour or two. As she and Karen left the room. Maggie dimmed the lights so Drew could rest.

Maggie and Karen went back to the observation where Jenny and Dave were waiting.

As they went in to the observation room, they could see how distraught Dave and Jenny were. The revelations from Drew so far had rocked them.

After Karen and Maggie had sat down with them, Karen began.

“Well, in many respects it is what I was expecting to this point. Drew is dreadfully confused, because both his body and social circle are giving him cues or feedback that don't correspond to what he sees at this point. In his words ‘since I was raised as a boy and have boy bits'………but you can also see Drew has been thinking a lot about this. And the issue is exacerbated by his overwhelming desire to please everyone around him. And you can see that in his day to day life and what he has said to us. Maddy, school, cycling, the Cheer squad, etc. He is doing his level best to satisfy all of those vastly different endeavours where some are as Drew and some are as Gaby. And essentially, over time, it has caused this ‘event'.”

“Like I said, you can see by the questions Drew has been asking us, that many of the things we talked about so far today are things that in some manner, Drew has been trying to address in his own mind.”

Jenny looked at Karen and Maggie. “How can you say this is expected? Do you see a lot of children like this? Does no one see their pain?”

“Obviously we didn't” she said bitterly.

“Jenny, to answer your questions – yes we see a lot of children like this. The vast majority of them are transgendered children who are confused, fearful and feel like they are the only one. They feel like a freak and feel dreadfully alone. And they don't feel like they can tell anyone, because they will become outcasts, pariahs within their own social group. They fear rejection by their own families. And sad to say, those outcomes are all too common. Many parents cannot handle the paradigm shift in their reality, to where their son is now their daughter, or their daughter now their son. And most of these children learn to sublimate their feelings very early, because they ‘know' that somehow they are different. So they do what it takes to fit in, no matter the personal toll it takes on them.”

“To a certain degree that is what Drew is doing – he is trying to straddle both worlds – fitting in with his social circle in one manner, and his family in another. A breakdown like he has had I would have expected much sooner, to be frank. I think it is a testament to the love of his friends and family, and the strength of character Drew has from you two that he lasted as long as he did.”

“And unless you knew what you were looking for Jenny, you wouldn't have seen it. Transgendered children become masterful at only letting the world see what they want them to see. Fear of rejection, reprisal and violence make them very wary.”

“Drew is now in a very unique, yet potentially dangerous position. He could in fact become Gaby full time – the genetics have proven that – and compete as a cyclist for the women's team. But in doing so, that could open him up to ridicule, and even reprisals of some sort from the ‘less informed' sector of the populace. The fact that many of the cycling world already believe Drew is Gaby would make it easier in many ways, but make no mistake, there are dangers as well.”

“Well,” Dave interjected “perhaps Drew would have to give up cycling for a little while.”

Jenny looked at him. “Do you think that would really happen luv? Could you go to Drew and tell him to give up his dream and his passion? What would that say to Drew? It would only confirm some of his deepest fears I would think.”

“But…but…it would be for his own safety, for his own good!”

“Would it dear? Or would it be more to ease our own fears? Drew not being able to cycle? We might as well tell him outright at that point that his life is wrong. And it's not. This is a problem we have to face head on luv. And we can't tippy-toe around it.”

“I know, I know. But the thought of our child being subject to abuse and harassment makes me very uncomfortable and very angry.”

“And so it should Dave” interjected Maggie. “You have the opportunity, right here, right now, to support your child in the most basic of human rights – the ability to be themselves, whoever that may be. I would have said responsibility, but too many parents abdicate that responsibility. Not that I think you and Jenny are like that – but it is now time to think about Drew first and foremost.”

“You're right Maggie” Dave replied “It really is about Drew's needs and not about our desires.”

Karen then spoke up. “Here is what I would like to propose, so that we can get you in there with Drew as soon as possible. After Drew has had a bit of a rest, I would like to talk to him about some of the questions I have asked him, and about some of the things he wanted to think about. Once we have done that, Maggie can tell Drew that she has heard from the two of you, and that you are on the way over and should arrive later this evening. That will give us some time to discuss the results from the afternoon session and will provide Drew with the security that you're on your way. I do want you to be prepared though – the next session will likely be very emotional and Drew is going to be confronting some of his own demons. But in the end, I think we will be well on our way to a healthier and happier Drew – or Gaby – whichever that happens to be. And it could be a female Drew as well……Drew may not want to be ‘Gaby', just Drew, male or female.”

“That sounds good Karen – I really want to be with my baby right now” replied Jenny. “My poor little lamb…….not knowing which way to turn, and us being no help to the situation.”

“Drew did say he was going to want to talk to the family about the number of times he was ‘made' to be Gaby. And as you saw he is fairly angry about it. So please try and prepare yourself for that as well. And you will need to talk to Juliet and prepare her as well.”

“Maggie, while Drew is asleep, wouldn't it be a good time to get him down for a more detailed MRI? That will give us a few more answers as well, and we can check on the results of the androgen receptor study. If there's ‘bad' news to deliver, we may as well do it all at once, once Jenny and Dave have joined Drew.”

“Yes Karen, now would be an excellent time – I'll arrange it right now.” And with that, Maggie headed off to call Dr. Winters.

“Hi Cindy? Maggie here. Can you do the detailed MRI of Drew's abdominal area right away? We've given him a mild sedative due to some anxiety, and we thought this would be a good time to do this. How long do you think it would take, and when can you do it?”

“Well Maggie, we could do it in about 15 minutes and it would only take about ½ an hour. If that works for you, I'll send an orderly up right away.”

“That would be great Cindy. I'll just go tell Drew, and then head back to the parents. We're in the observation room beside Drew's room. Please don't let him know we're there – he doesn't know his parents are here yet.”

“Right – I'll tell the orderly, and I'll do this MRI myself. I bring you the results as soon as they're complete – shouldn't be more than an hour after the scan.”

“Great, thanks Cindy.”

Maggie went in to Drew's room. She could see he was just on the verge of drifting off to sleep.

“Drew, we need to send you down for a scan, as the machine is free now. I know you're sleepy from the pill we gave, and that's alright. The scan we are doing means not moving for about half an hour, so if you're sleeping, that just fine.”

“OK Dr. Maggie” drowsed Drew. “If it will help sort things out I'm all for it.” And Drew drifted off to sleep.

Once back in the observation room, Maggie remarked “Well we have an hour or a little more, so shall we break for coffee and meet back here in an hour? That will give Karen and me some more time to go over our notes from this last session and prepare for the next one. And by the look of things you two could do with a bit of a break as well.”

“Ah, and here is the orderly getting Drew. Let's let them go and then we can leave. Oh, and it's up to you of course, Dave and Jenny, but think about bringing Juliette back with you? Because after our next session, we will decide what we are going to tell Drew, and I think perhaps having his whole family around for that might be a good thing. If nothing else, we can at least arrange for a joint session for all 4 of you to help work out some of what Drew has talked about.”

“Well Maggie, you are definitely right about needing a family session or two” opined Jenny “but I think it may be better for just Dave and I to be there at the first. But we'll talk about it and make our decision before we come back.”

“Well then, let's say we meet back here in 2 hours. That will give Drew time to rest and definitely be back in his room before we come back. Hopefully, about 2 hours or so after that, we can get the three of you together.”

“That sounds good Maggie. And thank you so much both of you for caring about our Drew so much. Dave and I are very grateful.”

“Our pleasure Jenny. It's not often we get the opportunity to help a patient discover themselves in quite so direct a manner.”

Maggie and Karen are in Maggie's office going over all of the test results and sessions to date when there is a knock at the door. Cindy Winters pokes her head in the door.

“Maggie, I have the results of the MRI. Do you have time to discuss them now?”

“Absolutely, Cindy. We're supposed to be going back to talk to Drew soon and we need to talk to his parents about this beforehand.”

“Right then” said Cindy. “Here's the full written report for the file, but I'll give you the rundown right now. The MRI shows a female reproductive system, no male reproductive system, and there is evidence of a vaginal canal – not completely formed, but close. There also seems to be some tissue thickening in the pubic area which would be indicative of scar tissue. A more complete physical exam and some dye X-Rays would probably give you confirmation of that.”

“It is my opinion that we are looking at an intersexed female who was operated on at birth, and the doctors there made the wrong choice. That would explain why the vaginal canal is only partially formed.”

“Oh dear God! I wonder if Dave and Jenny even know. And yes, a physical exam should be enough for me to determine if it's scar tissue Cindy. Could you tell how developed the reproductive system looked Cindy?”

“Well, it looked fully developed and I suspect that Drew's system will start up in earnest within the next 3 months. So I think we have an almost immediate surgical issue here. At the latest within the next 60 days.”

“Oh my. Thanks Cindy for getting me the information so fast. This now puts a whole new complexion on things.”

“Anytime Maggie. That is such a sweet looking child. It breaks my heart that he or she has to go through all of this when it was preventable.”

“I understand completely Cindy. Karen and I had better go over all the options for Drew's parents now. I'll keep you abreast of what's going on.”

“Right then….thanks Maggie. Talk to you soon.” Replied Cindy as she headed out of the office.

“Well Karen, can this get any more complicated?”

“Umm…..do you really want me to answer that Maggie, and risk the wrath of Murphy?”

“No, no….it's just so damn frustrating. Like Cindy said…this was preventable. From birth this was preventable! And dollars to donuts, Dave and Jenny know nothing about this. Some ignorant, backwards, self-important, puffed up excuse for an Ob/Gyn decided they knew best without even investigating, and have seriously messed up this child's life!” raged Maggie.

“Yup. I'd say that pretty much covers it. Do you have an opinion on the doctor that did this Mags?”

Karen's sarcastic wit had always been able to make Maggie laugh a little, and it did so again. It helped defuse Maggie's temper so she could deal with the Bond's properly.

“So Maggie – let's review what we have on the physical side of things. We have a genetic female, with a female reproductive system that is soon to start ‘producing' as it were; who is also androgen insensitive, so no matter what Testosterone treatment is out; and an idiot doctor who essentially mutilated her at birth. We now have to try and explain this to Dave and Jenny without them absolutely going ballistic, for which I would not blame them; and then we have to find a way to tell Drew in such a way as to not cause a complete disassociative state. Does that about cover it?”

“Umm…yes, I guess it does.”

“And on the mental health side, Drew has to deal with how ‘he' feels about being Gaby before we dump any of this on ‘him'. So you and I are going in to a session where for once, we actually have too much information. We have to be careful here Maggie, not to let what we know colour our questions.”

“Too true Karen. Too true.”

“Well we had better go and tell the Bonds what we know, so they can have a chance to process it and get over some of the emotion before they see Drew.”

Picking up all of their notes and test results, the two doctors headed up towards Drew's room.

Dave and Jenny were already in the observation room, watching their child sleeping.

“Drew looks like a little angel when he's asleep, doesn't he Dave?”

“It seems to be the most at peace Drew ever is luv. So how do you feel about what we've heard today so far?”

“Well, Drew is our child. And no matter what that will never change. Whether it's Drew the boy, Drew the girl or Gaby….it matters not to me. I just want our child to know that no matter what, we will love him or her. Without question, unconditionally.”

“I am angry at the school, at Maddy and at us for not seeing what we were doing to Drew. We're all at fault, and there is no escaping that fact. Now we have to see what we can do to help Drew.”

“I am sad and guilty that I wasn't here for Drew over the past months. I feel like a failure as a mother. I should have seen this, but I wasn't there to see it.”

Tears were streaming down Jenny's face now. The guilt and grief were etched in her face. Dave took her in his arms and hugged her to him.

“Luv, you couldn't have known. Hell, I was there every day and didn't twig. You are not a failure. You were trying to protect your family from the horrors of cancer that you thought was going to claim you.” Lifting her chin with his hand so he was looking her in the eye “Remember, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. We will face this together, like we have faced everything with our kids and we will be there and be strong for Drew. We will not give up on our child, our selves or our family.”

“We will handle this no matter what it takes. The Press, the cycling association, Team Apollonaris, the schools, whoever. And we will do it with dignity.”

A small, tear-streaked smile crossed Jenny's face as she laid her head on Dave's chest.

“You're right my love. And I was a fool to have not trusted the family with this. And likelihood is I wouldn't have tumbled to any of this either. But I still can't help feeling guilty. I am a mother after all.”

Dave chuckled and hugged her to him. He knew now that together they would handle what ever happened. They were together again and a family again, and they would face this, no matter what.

Just then the door opened and in came Maggie and Karen. They had rather somber looks on their faces. First they looked in on Drew, and seeing that he was still sleeping, they went over to Jenny and Dave.

“Well let's all sit down, and Karen and I can go over all the test results and impressions we have gotten from the interviews thus far.”

“I guess I will go first as I have been supervising all the physical tests. As we discussed earlier, Drew is genetically female. This present a whole set of issues that we will have to deal with, with Drew. While you were out and we were taking a break, we had the detailed MRI conducted as we told you. It produced some ‘interesting' results.”

“How ‘interesting' Dr. Maggie?” asked Jenny.

“Well, it appears that Drew actually was born with both sets of genitals. There is evidence of a vaginal canal and surgical scarring, and there is only evidence of female reproductive organs. There are no male reproductive organs at all.”

“WHAT??!!” cried both Dave and Jenny.

“It would appear that the doctors at Drew's birth made a decision and it was the wrong one. The only good thing about it I can say at this point is they did not do a complete job.”

“And why is that a good thing Doctor?” asked Dave.

“Well to be honest, if they had taken the reproductive organs, Drew would not be getting virtually any hormones at puberty. And that could have caused even worse problems than we have now. As well, it would appear that they did an incomplete vaginectomy, which means with the right surgeon, we may be able to give Drew fully functioning sexual organs. Yes, they would be female, but everything would work the way it is supposed to and Drew could even have children if everything works properly.”

“Now I understand both of you are very angry about this and rightfully so. I myself, am down-right pissed off! But we have to play the cards we are dealt. And we will come back to this, but I'll go over the rest of the tests first.”

“The next part of the physical tests was the androgen insensitivity tests. It turns out Drew is completely androgen insensitive, so we no longer have the option of going to testosterone shots to try and give Drew any semblance of a male life.”

“Third thing we need to discuss is the fact that Drew is on the verge of puberty.”

Jenny blanched. “But that means Drew will begin to….begin to….”

“Yes Jenny, that's exactly what it means. And before that happens we HAVE to discuss surgical options.”

“Dave, what Jenny was getting at was the fact at the full onset of puberty, Drew will begin to menstruate. That blood has to have somewhere to go. If not…. well….”

“So, we have limited options and a limited time frame. Best case scenario from what we can tell at this point would be 90 days – worst case, under a month.”

“That's the physical side of things at this point. I'll let Karen take over here.”

“Right” said Karen “now we get to the sticky bit. Drew has been raised as a male, and as such, at least at this point, identifies that way. Interestingly, Drew's socialization is far more androgynous though – and that I see as a benefit in this situation. Since Drew's socialization is somewhat ambiguous, and leaning toward the feminine, it could make for a relatively easy social transition. This all depends on Drew however. If Drew cannot accept this, we are facing some fairly serious problems.”

“In a number of cases, where I have asked Drew questions, he wanted to think about them for a while. This tells me he has been thinking a great deal about his situation, and in talking to Maggie and I, may have gotten some more information that will help him.

“Now through all of this Drew will be looking to the two of you for guidance and support. So before we go in to the next session we need to know how you feel, and what approach you wish to take. Because it is my opinion that Drew will take his lead from you.”

“And yes, most children look to their parents for guidance, but I truly believe Drew needs to tell us what Drew wants and feels about all of this. But I believe, whatever Drew decides, you need to support. Within the limits of what medical science can do to help Drew, at any rate.”

“This will shake the foundations of Drew's core identity, and quite honestly, it could cause a complete relapse. If Drew outright rejects this, he may in fact have another meltdown. Not a pleasant prospect, but one we do have to face.”

“Right now, as it stands medically, the best physical option for Drew is to have the surgery to become fully female. I am still not sure of that from a psychological standpoint. I think that the next interview will be able to provide some answers. I wish to approach Drew and find out what he thinks about what we have talked about so far, and how ‘he' feels inside about the changes that have been occurring. Drew is scared to death of disappointing you two, and if you two were against this, Drew would be as well just to please you. I think it important that none of us try to project what we feel for Drew to pick up. But I also want to say that this will take time, once you get home, with gender therapists from the Portman Clinic in St. George's – they would be the people in England you would need to be dealing with.”

“Further, once we have talked to Drew once more, we will want to get you two in to see him. I know that this will be tough on you, but you mustn't let on that you have been observing – at least not yet. And after you have had some time together, we will come and get you to ‘brief you in' on the situation. Drew will know you are here, which will help his outlook, and then we can sit down and face this together.”

“I have to tell you both, I quite admire the way you two are handling this right now. Were this my child we were discussing, I think I would be trying to tear someone apart with my bare hands.”

“Maggie, Karen - we do feel like that” began Dave. “But we are thousands of miles from home, Drew is lying in a bed in the next room coming apart at the seams, and the doctor who delivered ‘him' died a few years ago. So even if we wanted to get our hands on him, we can't. But most important in all of this is Drew. We need to be strong for him…..ermm…her. You know what I mean doctor.”

“We have thought about having Juliette in the room when we tell Drew everything as well, Maggie” Jenny said. “Right now, we believe it might be best for just the three of us to be there and then we will talk to Juliette after we have worked out some of the initial issues.”

“And we will support our child, doctor. In whatever he or she decides. We love Drew, and want him to be happy. So no matter what that means, Drew will always have our unconditional love and support.”

“Right then” replied Maggie “I guess we had better head back and talk to Drew further. Hopefully a little rest will have helped.”

“Karen, why don't you go in first? I am going to go over to the nursing station and ask Piper to come in about an hour from now to tell me there is a phone call. When I come back in, I can inform both of you that Dave and Jenny are on their way – and that they've landed in Washington and will be here in a couple of hours. That should give us enough time with Drew, and some time to talk to Dave and Jenny before we reunite them.”

“That should work Maggie. Alright, I'll go and get started and see you in a few minutes.”

And with that, they both headed out
.
Dave and Jenny continued watching Drew, each lost in their own thoughts. How would Drew take the news? Could they protect him or her? Which way would Drew decide to go? What about the needed surgery?

Karen walked back into Drew's room. She could see that Drew was deep in thought.

“Deep thoughts, Drew?”

“Well, Dr. Karen – I have been thinking a lot about the stuff we have talked about today so far. And, well…..it's like this. I love Maddy, very, very much. And I'm not sure how she feels about Drew versus Gaby. I mean, if I was a girl that would make us lezzies, I mean lesbians. And I don't know what my family or everyone else would say about that.”

“And…and…ermm….I just want to be me. I want to be able to cycle, I want to have my friends and my family……but I'm afraid if I was a girl they wouldn't want me.”

“I'm comfortable being out as ‘Gaby' although I really think I’d have chosen something else if I’d had the chance. If I was to be a girl, I think I'd still want to be Drew.”

“So you are worried about what others will think and how they might react, but you have kind of decided how you feel then, Drew?”

“Well, kind of doctor. But I suppose some of those tests you and Dr. Maggie are running will have something to say about things, and of course when mum and dad get here, they will too.”

“So Drew, tell me how you feel inside. There is only you and I here. No one else.” With that Karen pulled her chair right up beside Drew and the bed. “I'm here to help you Drew. That's all I care about. To me it doesn't matter if you're a girl or a boy, heterosexual or gay, or anywhere between. I just want to help.”

“Well, remember you asked me to describe myself for you? You know, without using him or her or anything?”

“Yes. You said you wanted to think about it more.”

“I have been doctor. I've been thinking about it for a long time. But you told me some things I hadn't known about or didn't understand before. And the more I think about it, the more I think I've been trying to be both at times. And, it hurts, because I don't think I fit in either place.”

“But it seems like I fit in more as ‘Gaby' than I do as Drew – at least as a girl I mean. And I don't get that. I mean. Like I said, I was born a boy with the right bits, so I don't understand why I seem to fit in better as Gaby. But I'm still racing with the boys and made junior national champion. But lately when I'm out cycling, people mistake me for a girl because of these changes that have been happening to me. I just don't understand it.”

“Well Drew, where do you feel the most comfortable?”

“On my bike, racing.” giggled Drew.

“Well, I guess I deserved that.” chuckled Karen “But you know what I was asking Drew. Are you more comfortable as Drew the boy, or as ‘Gaby' the girl? And remember, those are simply names I am using.”

“Well doctor, to be honest………………”