I've not experienced being "read" more than a half dozen times in 10 years, but Sunday really burst that bubble.
Being a stubborn drama queen, this was bound to happen. I went to a Baptist church were my daughter attends to see if they would help me reconnect with her. In retrospect, it was an unrealistic Adjustment Disorder that drove this.
I met a woman there who said that she was Women's ministry pastor, and then she started talking to me about how she knew I was trans right away. (Not something any of us want to hear) Then she started talking to me about my issues, and it took several times of my reminding her that I was not there to deal with my issues, I was there to see if there would be any assistance they could give me to reconnect with my daughter.
Then she stupidly said it would be OK whether I showed up as a woman or a man. Sigh ... After about 45 minutes of this nonsense, I managed to end this debacle, and left. It was my own fault, having not been careful of my makeup and wearing a wig that looked sloppy. Won't do that again. Actually wearing Hijab seems to be the most effective, though simply wearing the underscarf causes people to think I am a chemotherapy woman. It's all in the trickery I suppose.
I must say ladies, that I now, finally understand disgrace. My heart goes out to those who have been hurt by these stupid people.
At least, with this last effort, it feels OK to accept that my family and I are NOT going to reconnect and that is probably for the best.
Gwen
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Maybe I'm missing something, but I fail to see how the line between you and your daughter passes through that bigoted woman.
It's understandable that you would want help through a church on the compassionate mission of reestablishing a relationship. The fact that one person doesn't rise to your level of expectation seems irrelevant.
Honestly, it appears that you may have been as intolerant of her as she apparently was of you.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
What a hypocrite on the pastor's part.
I met a woman there who said that she was Women's ministry pastor, and then she started talking to me about how she knew I was trans right away. (Not something any of us want to hear) Then she started talking to me about my issues, and it took several times of my reminding her that I was not there to deal with my issues, I was there to see if there would be any assistance they could give me to reconnect with my daughter.
Then she stupidly said it would be OK whether I showed up as a woman or a man. Sigh ... After about 45 minutes of this nonsense, I managed to end this debacle, and left. It was my own fault, having not been careful of my makeup and wearing a wig that looked sloppy. Won't do that again. Actually wearing Hijab seems to be the most effective, though simply wearing the underscarf causes people to think I am a chemotherapy woman. It's all in the trickery I suppose.
I hope you were able to maintain you cool as this happened.
Also, I find this deeply hypocritical by the female pastor, considering many other religions do not recognize and object to women in such roles. As such, one would expect a measure of tolerance by such women. But, I see that is not the case here.
Though, I am sure you did not point that out to her, because doing so would have created a scene.
I hope you are feeling better now. And I wish you luck on your friendship with your daughter.
I'm oddly peaceful now.
According to every Biblical principle I believe in, I have fulfilled my duty to them, and after 10 years it is over. For so long I felt guilty for abandoning them, when in reality I got sick and they abandoned me.
We all go through these sorts of things, and now the peace about it is welcome.
Gwen
I am glad you are at peace.
I am glad you are at peace. From what it sounds like, there is some bad blood between you are your family. Instead of just writing off, you tried to reconnect with your daughter. You offered your hand in friendship. If she chose not to take it, then that is her responsibility and not yours.
You can always say that door is open, and she is welcome, anytime. If she does not take it up on your offer, that is her fault. You are at peace knowing you tried.
And I hoped this event has helped you move on from the clearly painful events of your past.
All Families can be abusive.
Now it is not clear to me why I tried to reconcile with them for so long? The psychology is unclear to me but perhaps it has something to do with being co-dependent? Perhaps we tend to stay in emotionally damaging situations because they are familiar?
The family situation was uber religious, not given to smoking or drinking or unseemly behavior. How could that be abusive? Well, it obviously was, and like so many of us, when I started to become myself, they were ill equipped to deal with it.
Over the years, I have seen dozens of my "sisters" deal with this same sort of rejection. Those of us that seem to do the best have simply wiped the dust from their feet and moved on.
Much peace
Gwen
Frankly Gwen,
Based upon my early and brutal experiences of all things and all people religious I'm not surprised that this 'Women's Pastor' proved to be so insensitive and indeed stupid. She still seems to exist in the dark ages when it comes to appreciating gender situations.
Firstly she seemed to think that you had gender issues when it seems to me that she did. Secondly it seems that no amount of explanation could make her see that she had the issues. Thirdly she STILL seemed to think that you could be a man even after GRS and years of living as a woman. Truly she must be dumb!
But then Gwen, we've discussed this many times and you know my feelings about holy men. Any person who believes in a spiritual entity created by men FOR MEN must need their head read. The fact that that particular Baptist Church even had a 'Women's Ministry Pastor' clearly demonstrates that they have not yet come out of the dark ages.
Churches and faiths are supposed to deal with spiritual issues not sexual ones. Does this church somehow believe that women have different spirits from men? If they do then that must be the meanest and most pernicious form of discrimination possible.
Bad enough that a person can be discriminated against on the basis of physical differences but at least it can be demonstrated that the discriminator is being observant if yet bigoted.
To somehow discriminate against an individual's spirit is just about the most impossible and preposterous and inexcusable divination of all. How do the holy men in that church determine the nature of each individual's spirit. Even their own prophet advocated a welcome for the sinners no matter what the nature of their spirit.
By venturing into that place of evil Gwen you put yourself on the highway to a hiding for nothing. Your request for help and their total inability to provide any, amply illustrates what charlatans they are. I'll catch you soon on Skype. Hugs. Beverly. xxx