...When a load of concrete is delivered the recipient does not know it is laced with weird mutagens, mutagens that will have a severe effect on him and his neigbours...
Hard Evidence
by JC
This slightly edited version is a re-post of the story posted on the main Big Closet site. JC 2004/10/25
Reposted again 17 Jan 15 - E.
The lorry tipped a load of gravel into the hopper at the end of the conveyer belt, then drove away. Bert Hoskins who should have been watching the incoming gravel operations to make sure that no unsuitable gravel was tipped was having a late lunch. At 3.30 his supervisor arrived, Bert was by this time where he should be, he was having a difficult job shifting a blockage in the crushing mill.
“What the fuck’s wrong with it Bert? The whole lot is bunged up, you need to get that blockage shifted within the next five minutes or we’ll be behind and you know the boss won’t be happy.”
“Dunno I think it’s a chunk of metal, Neil, listen it clangs when you hit it…”
“I don’t give a shit what the fuck it is, get it out of the mill now.”
“Yes Neil, I’m on it.”
In the end it took a full team of site workers to shift the blockage, it turned out to be an empty metal canister, it was still leaking small amounts of noxious fluid into the surrounding gravel. Neil checked as best he could and found that the Ready-Mix lorry had already set of with this dubious load.
“Hello, Mike, your load have you still got it?”
“Yes boss.”
“Well don’t drop it at Wellington Street, its got some weird shit in it, find somewhere to dump it and come back for some more okay?”
“Oh right…”
“Dave your friend Stuart told me that you could do with a load of concrete?”
“Erm yes that would be great, when would you be able to bring it?”
“Well I have a load right now its… been sent back the place that ordered it has too much already.”
“Oh, well that’ll be fine, thank you. How much?”
“Well call it quits at £250 okay?”
“Right that’ll be fine.”
“Paul the concrete for my patio has arrived, look there is a bit too much I know you wanted some for your back garden, if you and Tom would like to bring a barrow round you can have all my excess, three or four barrows I think.”
“Oh great, thanks Dave, I’ll buy you a pint, I’ll get Tom organized now, see you in five.”
“Tom do fancy giving me a hand with some concrete? Mr Barlow is giving us his excess, means we can get the greenhouse in this week.”
“Okay dad, I’ll just put some socks on.” Tom rolled out of bed where he had been reading, he had been away from home for nearly two years living in rented rooms in the city, now his job gone he’d had to move back in with his parents. He wished he hadn’t, it wasn’t that they were particularly unpleasant, it was just that he was used to being his own man, he liked staying out late, smoking pot to relax. His parents, he thought still treated him like he was 16. He would rather not help dad with the concrete but if he made a fuss there would be another argument, another week or two of harassment to make him get a job, any job.
“Mr Barlow, said that there were three or four barrow loads spare, I’ll fill one load and bring it back then you do one, okay?”
“Yes dad.”
“Good lets go.”
The next hour and a half was a slog, his dad seemed to thrive on this sort of hard demanding labour, his first barrow load was nearly full, he set off at a good pace, returning five minutes later with an empty barrow. Toms first load was half the size and took twice as long to fill. Twice he nearly flung his shovel down and walked off, why did his dad nag so.
In the end it took nearly eight loads partly as Tom’s loads were so small and partly as Dave Barlow had underestimated how much extra he had. Tom did however keep an eye out for Felicity Barlow, she was just 18 and extremely good looking, the fact that she had a long term boyfriend didn’t bother Tom, he could look couldn’t he.
“Right we need to get it levelled off, if we use the planks round the plot as guides and use this plank across, we’ll smooth it off quickly.” Tom took one end of the plank his father offered him and knelt down next to the pool of viscous concrete. It took very little time, the concrete was smoothed off and his father went off to order the green house.
Jenny was Tom’s little sister with almost ten years age difference between them, she rather worshipped him, to him however she was a little pest, especially now as she was playing with the dog, Milly, close to the wet concrete.
“Hey Jenny be careful you’ll have Milly in the concrete, watch out…” Jenny had thrown the ball straight at him.
“Catch!” the ball bounced and he stooped awkwardly to catch it, he managed it and was straightening up when the chocolate Labrador crashed into him, wanting her ball back. Tom stepped backward and tripped he fell backwards measuring his full length in the concrete.
“Shit.” He rolled onto his hands and knees, Milly deciding that this new game looked like fun jumped onto his back and drove him face down into the now ravaged concrete.
“Right I have… Oh my god what on earth is going on? Milly here girl, bad dog. Jenny what happened?”
“Sorry dad it was my fault, I threw the ball Tom caught it but Milly pushed him in then jumped on him.” Tom had by this time regained his feet, his father and sister laughed at him, he was covered in concrete from head to foot, he had wiped it off his face, now it was trickling out of his shorts and from under his t-shirt.
It took nearly an hour to get the worst of the concrete off Tom, first his father used the garden hose to remove the thickest deposits then with a bucket of hot water and a brush the rest was carefully removed. Tom then retreated to have a shower. Mean while his father with the assistance of his sister and mum, re-laid the concrete, the dog watched wondering if they would play with her again…
Tom was in his room, he was extremely annoyed, it wasn’t on he had helped like he had been asked to, then after falling in the concrete because of his stupid sister and dog they had all just laughed at him, now he felt ill and wanted to go back to bed. His mum came in with a cup of tea and a ginger nut.
“There you go pet, are you feeling better now?”
“Yes mum, well I feel a bit, urm dunno, not quite right you know.”
“Well why don’t you have a lie down then, your father and sister have finished re-laying that concrete, so I wouldn’t think he’ll need you again today.”
“Okay thanks mum.”
He stripped off his clean shorts again and swung his legs into bed, the skin on them was almost sore, and tingly. He lay back and after nibbling the biscuit and drinking the tea drifted off to sleep.
“I’m a bit worried about Tom.”
“Why what’s wrong with him?”
“Well he had a shower and went straight to bed, he’s been asleep all day.”
“The lazy sod, he hardly did anything, I could have been quicker without him.”
“Now Paul that’s not fair, you know he tries, losing his job like that left him a bit low that’s all.”
“Carol its been six months he could have found another job in that time, he’s just lazy. From now on he will have to start pulling his weight or he won’t have anywhere to live.”
The topic of their conversation was at that moment waking in his damp sweaty bed, he had just been having an extremely erotic dream. He lay in bed touching himself and thinking about Felicity Barlow and what she had been doing. He wasn’t getting very far, he just didn’t seem to be able to get it up. After some minutes of this he gave up, he obviously just wasn’t in the mood. He got up and started to think about food, he was ravenously hungry, he slipped on his clean shorts wincing as it reminded him that his nice shorts were probably ruined. Then slipping his trainers on he was surprised to feel that they were a little to loose, shrugging he realized that they couldn’t be and went to find some food.
Tom was back in his room, he had been making himself some food when his father had arrived from wherever, immediately he’d started shouting at his son, accusing him being a lazy time waster and telling him to buck his ideas up, after several minutes of this Tom gave up on the idea of having tea and returned to his room. He stripped the sweaty sheets off the bed and remade it, then lying back down he thought about his hunger and drifted back to sleep.
His mum looked in at him at midnight on her way to bed, Paul was still spitting feathers over his ‘lazy’ son, she was unhappy with her husband but wished that Tom would make more of an effort, after all he was living here rent free. She sat down on the edge of his bed, and stroked the damp hair from his sweaty forehead, he didn’t seem to be running a temperature so she didn’t worry much, too much bedding it was after all a warm night, she smiled fondly at her eldest son, and remembered his younger sister who had died nearly eight years ago, that had changed him.
Before that he had been friendly outgoing and a nice person, but the death of his sister Sophie had hurt him in some deeper way, he no longer trusted anyone, or gave his love so easily. Of course over the intervening years he had got better, though she thought he still grieved for her. She stood and made her way to her own bed, her own sleep was troubled, she dreamed about those horrible weeks before the police had found her body, when no-one knew if the pretty vivacious girl would walk back into their lives or if something darker had happened.
In the morning Paul left for work unhappy with his family, his wife was distant, he knew the signs she had been thinking about Sophie, his son was still in bed pretending to be ill. And Jenny was fussing about the dog saying she was ill, he’d had to promise to take her to the vet tonight.
Milly whined in her sleep, her front paws scrabbling, probably after a rabbit or mouse. She had been asleep since yesterday afternoon, hadn’t eaten her tea or the slice of toast that Jenny decided would perk her up. She had found her in her basket and had been unable to wake her, Jenny was worried, she had told her father who the dog actually belonged too but he had just got angry, she knew her mum was depressed, when she had woken in the night she had heard her crying. Maybe Tom would know what to do.
Jenny knocked on her older brothers door, he didn’t respond so she crept in. She leaned over the bed and looked at him, it was odd he seemed smaller, however knowing better than to wake him she crept out again. Her mum was downstairs, her eyes red from the weeping in the night, Jenny gave her mum a hug, her mum was very protective of her, she knew why but it didn’t lessen the isolation, the estate was fairly old there were no other young kids around, she had friends at school, but could only go and see them if her mum drove her.
Jenny didn’t really remember her eldest sister, she had been murdered when Jenny was only four, she vaguely remembered being cuddled by another girl, she did remember the fuss at the time, the news people who surrounded the house for weeks on end. And the last day, the day when her parents knew the truth, the day…
Jenny tried not to think about her older sister, much it was too scary, someone, no some man had grabbed her, as she walked home from a friends house, he had taken her on to some rough land, where the new school now was, he had tied her to a tree and gagged her then he had repeatedly raped her, before finally slitting her throat, the man had never been caught. The only clue to his identity was that Sophie had known him, she hadn’t struggled when he grabbed her.
Feeling slightly sick at the thoughts of her big sister Jenny went to fill in her diary, it was her summer project, she was keeping, or trying to keep it all summer, it had been a present from her friend Kim on the last day of school.
Tom awoke he still felt odd, he climbed out of his bed wondering why it felt strange, he walked into the bathroom and opened his boxers, he was busting for a leak, he reached into his boxers and then panicked his dick had gone, he pulled them down and realized that he still had his dick, but it was maybe an inch long, he turned and sat, letting go he sighed with relief as he emptied his bladder he looked down at his mysteriously shrunken manhood and gasped with shock the piss wasn’t coming out of there, he could still feel it trickling out, but the end of his penis was dry.
Carol was aroused from her thoughts by a shriek from upstairs, it sounded like a girl, but she had thought that Jenny was in the lounge watching TV, she made way to the bottom of the stairs.
“Are you alright Jenny?”
“Yes mum. Why?” Carol jumped her daughter had been in the lounge, so who was upstairs in the bathroom, she could hear faint sobbing.
“She almost ran up the stairs pausing for only moments before bursting into the bathroom, a girl about 16 or 17 was curled in the foetal position on the floor by the bath, she was sobbing uncontrollably. Carol approached her with caution, who was she? One of Tom’s girls, she was surprised she had thought him to unwell to entertain.
“I don’t know who you are but what’s the matter?” She said dropping to her knees besides the girl, out of the corner of her eyes she saw Jenny standing in the door, “Jenny go get your brother maybe he knows what is going on.” She turned back to the distraught girl and placed her hand on the girls shoulder. “Hush love it’ll be alright, just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll try and help, is it Tom?” The girl was quietening under her hand…
“Mum he’s not there.”
“What?”
“Tom’s not in his room, his bed is still warm though.” Said Jenny the detective.
“Did you see any girls clothing in there Jenny?”
“No mum.”
The girl on the floor in front of her said something. “What sorry I didn’t catch that pet?”
“Mum its me.”
“What how do you mean its me, I don’t know you, do I?”
“I’m Tom,” the girl trembling tried to sit up, “you look nothing like my Tom, you look more like… oh dear god… Sophie?” The effect on the girl of these words was like a hammer she shot up and backwards away from the startled woman.
“NOOOOOOOOO.”
“Hey mum she’s wearing Tom’s clothes, that’s the t-shirt I gave him for Christmas.” The girl was trembling visibly and trying to control herself, she looked at Carol.
“I’m not Sophie, I’m Tom, I don’t understand but I’m Tom.”
“Tom, how could you be, don’t be ridiculous.”
“Her arms were tied behind her back, with a silk scarf that I had given her for her birthday, the one she wore all the time. The man had… The man had gagged her with her own underwear…”
“How could you… Tom how can it be you, you're a girl.”
“I don’t know mum, this is how I woke up, I’m not a man any longer.”
“Right lets all go downstairs and discuss this calmly.” She turned towards the door, her youngest child was standing there staring into the distance looking horrified. “Jenny its okay, we’ll be alright, hey what’s the matter?” She just managed to catch her daughter as she fell to the ground crying in absolute horror.
It took Carol nearly an hour to calm her sobbing daughter down, next she tried to find out what the matter was.
“Mum I didn’t know about Sophie, I mean the scarf…”
“We didn’t want to tell you about it in case it upset you.”
“Mum Sophie didn’t have the scarf with her, I had spilt jam on it, she was furious, she made me wash it… I hated her… Then she was gone and I thought it was my fault…”
“Jenny think carefully what happened to the scarf?”
“I gave it away, I gave it to Felicity Barlow.” There was a stunned silence broken by the shriek of rage, Carol turned to see her, ‘son’ running out the front door she had a good idea where he was going.
“Jenny I want you to call the police, get them to come here, I’ll go after Tom. If he finds Felicity he might do something bad.”
“But mum that’s just it, I tried to get it back, you know so that when Sophie came home I could give it too her, but Felicity had already given it away, she’d given it to…”
“Who?”
“Her dad, he took it off her she told me he had accused her of stealing it. Do you think Mr Barlow killed Sophie?”
“I don’t know love but I suspect we’ll find out soon, now ring the police I had better track your brother down.
Carol found Tom hammering on the Barlow’s front door and screaming curses, as no-one was answering Carol hoped that the police would arrive before either Felicity or her father did. As it happened the police arrived first meaning they had time to haul Tom back towards his own house , he was almost calm, though crying when the Barlow’s arrived home. Carol had a perfect view of what happened next, her son tore himself away from the startled police woman, and flung himself at Felicity, she screamed and fell backwards bouncing off and away from the car. Her father rushed round the car and reaching the struggling couple first hauled the smaller form of Tom of his daughter. “Sophie, how , I killed you, leave me alone get away.” He went as white as a sheet and flung himself backwards tripping over his daughter as he tried to get away from the spectre of his own violent past.
It all came out eventually, David Barlow was sentenced to 15 years for the rape and murder of Sophie, he was sentenced to a further 15 years each for the rape and murder of two other school girls, one from Manchester and one from London. Finally the remains of his wife were discovered in his back garden, and he was sentenced to a further ten years for her murder. He pleaded guilty to all charges, and hardly spoke at all during his trial.
As for Tom he… She is now happily living under the name of Rebecca, she has a new job and her life has steadily got better, her own demons have been laid to rest.
Paul is enjoying his new greenhouse, all though the concrete is a funny colour, it seems to help his plants grow to enormous sizes.
Jenny is enjoying the company of her two new sisters, she still blames her self for the deaths of the other two girls but has come to realize that she could have done nothing about it, she is enjoying life at her new school.
Carol has gained two new daughters, Felicity publicly denounced her father and obtained a divorce from him, she lived with her grandparents before returning to live with Carol and Paul, whilst working at the new school.
Milly the dog had a litter of puppies which surprised everyone as she had been spayed herself as a puppy.
Dave Barlow lived to be 81, and died in his sleep whilst still in prison, he never spoke again, he appeared a haunted man, with problems sleeping, maybe rightfully the girls he had murdered had come back to haunt him, we can only hope so.
The characters and situations in the above story are not intended to be real or to represent real people or events. I only wish that all rapists and murderers would get a similar comeuppance.
I wrote this short story after spending most of a day laying concrete, our
own dog a Springer spaniel helped in his own inimitable way but didn’t knock
me into the concrete. The harder aspects of the story came in a way from a
book called Lovely Bones, I am unsure of the author but if you can read it
do so, it is a lovely book though weird.
The dog really does exist though, Milly is owned by a cousin, she is a smashing dog, who would probably enjoy playing in wet concrete.
Incessant-Logic & JC © ‘04
Comments
The Lovely Bones
"The Lovely Bones" was made in to a movie.
I usually do not watch stuff with such grim subjects preferring my entertainment to be entertaining not something that would seem to be purely upsetting*. It had simply come on cable after something else I had been watching. This is however worth watching for several reasons not the least of which is its unusual perspective. And that is, the spirit of the dead girl needing to find peace before she can move on.
I have not "yet" read the book. I do see it is available for kindle, And would seem to be something worth reading. *My reading tastes are a bit broader then my movie tastes. It is in my wish list.
>i<
"The Lovely Bones", an
"The Lovely Bones", an excellent book and movie. Very different take on death. Many times, it is some small piece of information that has been overlooked or not been picked up by a witness that can crack a case, even a "cold case". In this case, it was not so much the gender change, rather the scarf that helped to clear up the murder and rape case, plus clear two others. The youngest sister did not know about the scarf until Tom mentioned it to their mother. That broke the case open. Tom now looking like his deceased sister Sophie only put "icing on the cake" so to speak as it make the murderer blurt out his guilt.
Wet concrete
Fairly familiar with this stuff. And how dogs and cats like to sign it with their paws when you aren't looking.
It should be washed off skin (and paws) as even normal concrete isn't good for them.
Would that attackers like Barlow could be made to feel the exact fear, revulsion and horror of their victims.
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."
Hard Evidence
This is a nice short story. It moved fast and built up the characters just enough. I found it hard to comprehend why Jenny would remember the scarf at this late date, if she didn't remember it at the time of the murder. Else it was a good job.
Are you thinking of more stories about the others who hauled and laid the concrete? I would like to read them. Thanks
Jenny didn't know that there
Jenny didn't know that there was anything to remember about the scarf at the time as she wasn't told the details, it was only when Tom told his/her mother the details that only he or a member of the family would have known did she realize.
The Legendary Lost Ninja