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Okay... So I'm feeling like crap; mentally, physically and spiritually.
I'm sick again, and while it's just strep, my doctor is wanting me to get chest x-rays to make sure that my weirdo pneumonia isn't coming back.
I have one friend left in the real world. He's dealing with his mom's stage 4 pancreatic cancer. And, he doesn't know about Erica Jane. So the friends I have, the ones I can really talk to are the friends I've made here.
Right now, depression, anxiety and the pain are just kicking my ass. And I think I'm losing it.
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Ummm...
Unfortunately you are not alone. Truly there are more than a few people here in very similar situations. Some have the misfortune of having worse and some slightly better. It's never easy to follow what is inside...in your heart and in your mind; especially when it's something so misunderstood by so many. But what is the worst of all is giving up on what you feel. Although I haven't had the troubles you are experiencing, I have had my challenges in other ways and still have some of them to this very day. I find that writing helps me when I can't speak about what troubles me and belonging to a community, even one as ethereal as an internet site, can be spiritual and physical lifesavers. And most importantly, the people you meet here understand.
May You Have Strength...
Kelly
super big huggles, hon
you are a wonderful woman, and don't you forget it!
physical along with mental pain reinforces each other
Erica,
The boys and girls across the net are individual people the same way you are one of a kind. Being part of the boy-girl gender blender crowd is either a blessing or a curse depending on how the person living inside handles God's Gift. If they listen to those who demonize them because they are different and sociably unacceptable then they figure it is a curse. Understanding one is blessed with higher sensitivity of emotions and feelings most of the hate crowd will never have is a start in the right direction. Most TG measure in the Mensa range because both sides of the brain are going flat out. Although most try to fail the tests in order to blend in.
Trying to handle the mental demand one become who and what their mind is saying they are, is a big load. Add in physical sickness on top of the emotional roller coaster one is already handling on a daily basis and depression is waiting in the wings to take advantage. Because each individual is unique there is no one good answer.
When and what were the really happy moments in life? Slipping on one's favorite clothes? Makeup? Out and about with hidden clothes under one's outside wear? A picture? Conversation with a friend?
In almost every major city there are support groups where one can be themselves and find support. A "girls night out" isn't for everyone but works for many. Some even have a crisis hotline. And if that doctor's visit bothers you, it shouldn't. They have heard and seen it "ALL". Boy-girl thing isn't even a bump in the mental to most of them. Some of the girls even talk about how much fun they have with their doctor. And some even speak of disappointment their doctor wasn't shocked.
Break out the chicken soup and crackers and kick the bug out the door along with that depression guest.
hugs hon
always,
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl