Synopsis:

Jake's getting out of the hospital. That's the good news. The bad? He's staying with Amanda's parents.

Story:

Karma Part 3
By Amanda D.

“Mandy?” Donna’s voice invaded.

“Go away!” I said miserably.

“Mandy, are you ok? Jenny said that you haven’t been out of your room in hours and that you sent your mother away when she came earlier.”

“Go away!” I repeated.

“Talk to me please. Come on what’s wrong?” Donna pleaded.

I got myself into a seated position and yelled “GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO ANYONE!” There were tears streaming down my face.

Donna came to the side of my bed and put her hand on my shoulder. “No” she said. “It’s my job to look after your health while you’re here. That includes your mental health. So I’m not going to leave until you talk to me.”

“Oh for Christ sakes! Fuck off! There how’s that for talking?” I asked bitterly and turned away from her.

“Fine you want to be stubborn, I can be stubborn too." She walked out of the room and returned a couple of minutes later with a book. “I’m not going to leave you in here crying all by yourself.” she said as she pulled up a chair and sat down.

She was really pissing me off now. Trying to reign in my temper, I said, “Please, Donna I’m alright. Really. I just need some time to myself. OK?”

“Look kiddo” she replied “I know our relationship hasn’t exactly always been the greatest, especially when you first arrived here and made so much trouble with Dr. Roy, but as time has gone on I’ve become quite fond of you. When Dr. Gold was messing with you, who stayed in the operating room making sure that he didn’t try anything funny?” I gave her no answer.

I lay in my bed lost in my guilt. Donna sat and read. The silence seemed to stretch on for hours; the only sound was the turning of her pages.

“My father told me I had a miscarriage.” I said quietly. She looked up from her book but said nothing. “He told me that my ex-husband beat me, causing it. The guilt is almost too much to bear.” I whimpered.

She came over to me, pulled me close and said “Oh honey it’s alright. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It was not your fault. He did this to you. You didn’t do anything.”

I know she was trying to comfort me, but in all honesty her words were only making things worse. She held me as I cried. Mandy was one of the best things that ever happened to me and all I ever did was shit all over her. There are no words to describe how awful this is. And the worst part is I completely deserve to feel this way.

I moped my way through the next couple of days. I didn’t leave my room unless I had to. Karen and Donna were as supportive as they could be. (Apparently Donna had told Karen what was up.) I know their hearts were in the right place but their constant belittling of Jake wasn’t exactly making me feel any better. I came to realize that there was no one I could really talk to about this. No one would be able to say anything that would make me feel better, with out me coming clean about who I truly was. That would, of course, be a one way ticket to a nice tight fitting jacket and a lovely padded room. Nope I was going to have to work this one out on my own.

I woke up at about 2AM from a whopper of a nightmare. I’d been having one just about every night since my conversation with Paul. I got up to go to the bathroom. As I got out of bed I noticed that I felt wet down there already. “Wonderful. Now I’ve regressed to bed wetting.” I thought to myself.

I turned on the light to see how bad it was. At the same time I reached for the nurse call button. After informing the duty nurse (with tremendous embarrassment) I had wet my bed, I pulled back the sheets to the damage. When I looked down I saw blood.

“What the hell?” I wondered confused. I looked down at myself and saw more on me. “What the hells going on?” I yelped as the nurse entered the room. I was panicked. All I could think of was I had ripped my stitches on my back or something.

“Amanda calm down. What’s the matter?” she asked.

Pointing at first the bed and then myself, I screamed “LOOK! I friggen bleeding. I must have torn my stitches. Get the doctor before I bleed to death!”

As she started to assess the situation and to chuckle. “What’s so damn funny!” I demanded indignantly. “Honey calm down. You didn’t rip your stitches and you’re not going to bleed to death.” She answered still giggling.

“What's wrong then? Look at all the blood!” I retorted.

“You’ve started your period.” she stated simply.

“My what? Period?” For some reason I couldn’t make a mental connection. What she was saying made no sense to me.

She looked at me like I was some kind of moron. “Yes, dear, your period. You know your menstrual cycle.” she said patiently.

“Menstrual cycle? Oh my god!” I said with dawning understanding.

“Yes, dear. Now why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll clean up this mess. When I’m done I’ll get you…Hmm. Do you prefer tampons or pads?” she inquired.

“How the hell would I know?” I asked myself. (I barely know what the difference is.) “I…I’m not sure.” I said a bit squeamish.

She studied me for a moment. “I’ll just grab you some pads,” she said as she shooed me into the shower.

After I got out (And may I add that was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever experienced) my humiliation continued. The nurse handed me a box of pads. I took them and retreated back into the bathroom. I looked the box over but I couldn’t find the instructions. I opened the box but no manual fell out of it either. Then I decided to open on of the wrappers figuring maybe if I saw the thing it would be self explanatory. (So much for that idea.)

After another couple of minutes the nurse knocked on the door. “Honey are you alright in there.” she asked.

Swallowing what little pride I had left, I meekly said “I don’t know what to do with this thing.”

She poked her head in the door and looked at me quizzically. “May I come in?” she asked as she entered the small bathroom. She surveyed the mess I had made and smiled. “I guess your memory problems extend to more areas that we were aware of.” With that said she gave me a quick demonstration of how to use the pad.

She left while I put on my underwear and finished getting dressed. It took more courage than I thought I could muster to walk out of that bathroom when I was done. Somehow I managed though. She was waiting for me when I came out. “All set?” she asked.

“Yeah. I think so. Thank you for your help.” I said as I climbed back into my bed.

She came over and pulled the covers over me. “Check that again in a couple of hours. If you have any problems changing it just call me.” she said merrily.

“Thanks.” I whispered. As she went out into the hallway, I pulled my pillow over my head and hid.

* * *

It’s here! It’s here! The day has finally come! Unlike my previous notable day entry this one is legit. I’m going home (Well to Mandy’s parents’ house anyhow.) today. I am finally going to get out of here! Woo hoo! No more hospital food! No more 3am wakeups to take sleeping pills! No more Dr. Roy! No more people watching me go pee! Ah life is good! Now if I only had some clothes, I’d be all set.

About two hours later Rita and Anita (Hey, their names rhyme. I never noticed that before. Think they did that on purpose?) came to get me.

“Well you certainly look better today.” Anita said.

“Well if you’d been stuck here as long as I have, you’d be psyched too.” I replied.

“I’m just glad to see you smiling. The way you’ve acting been these past few days, I was beginning to doubt we’d ever see it again.” Rita said. “I was actually talking to Dr. Roy about getting you some depression treatment. You know that your mood can affect your ability to heal. So I was really worried whether they’d let you out. But Dr.Roy isn’t he such a nice man? Anyway he said that you’d be fine and that being home would probably bring you out of your funk.” (Help me!)

"You know Mrs. Wasserman down the street she suffers from depression. Sometimes I see her outside in her robe at all hours of the day. So I was telling...”

“Whoa ma.” Anita interrupted “I’m sure Mrs. Wassermann’s’ depression problems are fascinating but we need to help Mandy get ready to get out of here.”

Rita continued “Oh, of course. I’m so sorry honey. You know how I get. I start talking and my mouth just takes off on me. Why just the other day I was talking to your father”

“MOM!” Anita and I hollered in unison. She gave us a chastised look and we all burst out laughing. (And it hurts like hell to laugh but I couldn’t stop.) After a few minutes we composed ourselves.

“So wait till you see what we brought for your trip home.” Anita said excitedly as she produced a yellow flowered dress. “Well what do you think?” she asked expectantly." (Oh I don’t think you really want me to answer that.)

I put on my best fake smile and said “It’s lovely.” Looking a bit deflated Anita said to Rita “See I told you she wouldn’t like it.”

“Well she can’t wear her blue jeans so this was the best I could come up with.” Rita retorted. (Mandy always was a blue jeans kinda girl. But on those occasions she got dressed up, Woo Whee! She was smokin’! Ah, like I said before… issues! Lots and lots of issues!)

I said to the both of them “It’s okay. I do like it. Thank you very much. Can one of you give me a hand here?” (While I can get up on my own, it hurts like a dickens so any time I can get help I take it.)

Anita helped me get to my feet and handed me the bag she was carrying. “The rest of your stuff is in there.” She said pointing at the bag. “If you need help just holler.” I smiled as I shuffled off into the bathroom.

After what seemed like an eternity, (Man those bras are tough!) I emerged once again. “Can one of you get the zipper?” I asked. (Why do they have to put them on the back? Can anyone answer me that?)

Rita complied. When that was done, I went and took a look in the mirror. I’ll have to admit, other than being way to thin, I looked pretty good.

“Here let me get your hair. It’s a mess and I’m sure you don’t want to go out in public looking such a mess” Rita fussed. I rolled my eyes as she grabbed a brush and started to brush the little bit of hair I had. “Once you’re settled, I’ll call Conner and set up a hair appointment for you. See if he can do something with this disaster. Why they had to shave your entire head is beyond me.” Rita huffed.

“I suppose you think it would have better if they left me with half a head or better yet a Mohawk.” I laughed.

When she was as satisfied as the situation allowed, Rita grabbed her lipstick and tried to attack me with it. “MA!” I said louder that was warranted “I don’t need that right now.”

“You don’t want to wear makeup?” Anita asked in a state of shock. “Since when do you go anywhere without makeup on? Okay, what did they do with my sister? See ma, I told you they replaced her with some kind of alien!” I stuck my tongue out at her.

Then Rita got a hold of my face and applied the lipstick. I suppose it would have been fine if she stopped there, but since I stopped resisting she took that to mean I was game for an entire paint job. It wasn’t fun and it made my face feel funny, but I’ll have to admit she did a good job. When she was done I looked like a proper young (reasonably anyway) lady. (Not that I want that or anything. But if you’re stuck, you’re stuck.)

A little while later Karen, Donna and Jen came by to say their goodbyes. It was pretty emotional and they all cried. (Ok I did too.) They told me how good I looked. Karen reminded me that I still had to come back three times a week for P.T.and to remember to do my exercises at home. Rita assured her that I would. Jen and Donna told me to be sure to stop by when I was in the building.

Finally Dr. Roy came in with my official release papers. He went over my medication schedule. When he was finished I shook his hand and he wished me well. I thanked him for all he’d done for me. It was pretty awkward. After he left the two nurses reappeared with my chariot (A K A: wheel chair) and whisked me to the car. We gave one more round of goodbyes and then Rita, Anita and I drove off.

The forty or so minute drive from Mass General to the Davids’ home in the upscale suburb of Newton was both exhilarating and exhausting. For a family that was as well-to-do as they (or is that we?) are, their house was not the least bit extravagant. It was a nice two story colonial with a long tree lined driveway and an attached two car garage. The back had a large wooden deck that went down to concrete patio. Off to the left was an in ground pool with a built in hot tub. Inside was a roomy but simple kitchen with an island in the center. The living room was cozy with a large fire place on one wall. Upstairs there were three bed rooms and a master suite. One of the bed rooms had been converted into an office for Paul. One of the other ones was a guest room and finally the last one was my new room.

Rita and Paul had done their best to recreate Mandy’s room from her apartment. They brought in all of her stuff and arranged it pretty much the way she had it at home. The only difference was this room was a bit larger that her old one, so they added her (err--my?) favorite chair to the ensemble. Not that I had a lot of time to take it all in. The ride pretty much wiped me out, so as soon as we got there I was ready for a nap.

I tried to explain that fact to Rita but she had an entire social schedule set up for the day. “But dear” She began “The Murphy’s from down the street are coming over in a little while. Then your friends Pat and Kim (Aw no! Not those two! I can’t stand them!) should be stopping by this afternoon. Tonight I was going to have Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Rob come by for dinner.”

“Ah Mom isn’t that a little much for her first day back?” Anita asked.

“What do you mean too much?” Rita asked incredulously “I’ve told the Walton’s, the Wasserman’s, Aunt Jean and uncle Tony, the Kraft’s, and the Quigley’s to wait until tomorrow.”

Anita and I looked at each other and started laughing. “Then this weekend” Rita continued “I was planning to have a small dinner party, in your honor Amanda. Just a small gathering. Oh let’s see… I left the guest list around here somewhere…. Ah here it is. So I invited….."

“Guest list ma?” I interrupted. “I thought you said a small party.”

“Well it will be a small one.” she replied. “Just….. Hmmm… let me count…. forty or so people.” We both stared at her. “What?” she asked. “Is that not enough?”

“Just forty people?” Anita exclaimed. “Ma, Mandy just got out of the hospital for crying out loud. She’s gonna need to rest a bit and get her strength back. I think you should wait until she’s ready, then you can have everyone over.” Pointing at me as she continued “Look she’s practically falling asleep in the chair for Christ sakes!”

I smiled weakly at them. "Could one of you help me up?” I requested. Anita complied. I walked over to Rita and kissed her on the cheek. “Ma I know you mean well and I really do want to see everyone (NOT!) but right now I really really need to get some sleep. Nita can you help me up stairs please?”

Rita looked stricken. “I’m sorry dear I just thought…”

“I know mom.” I jumped in. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. I just need to sleep.”

Anita got me up stairs and helped me get changed into some pajamas. “Once you’re settled, I’m going to have to head out.” she stated.

“You're gonna leave?” (Please don’t leave me alone here with that woman!) I asked.

“Well yeah silly.” she answered. “I’ve got a husband and son to take care of too, you know.”

I smiled goofily. “Oh yeah. I’m sorry; I must be more tired that I thought. I totally forgot about them.”

She looked a little hurt but said, “Don’t worry about it sis. Just get some sleep and I’m sure you’ll feel better later.”

“Anita.” I said sleepily “Thank you for everything.” Whether she replied or not I can’t tell you because I passed out.

I woke up some time later soaked in sweat with the sound of a baby crying echoing in my ears and a scream lodged in my throat. I surveyed my surroundings, initially unsure of where I was. After a few seconds it came to me, I was in Mandy’s parent’s house. “It was just a nightmare!” I thought to myself. “and a doozie too. I gotta get my hand on something to help with them.”

Not wanting to announce that I was awake to Rita, I struggled to my feet and shuffled out of my room and into the bathroom. As I passed the mirror on the medicine cabinet, I caught a glimpse of myself. I turned to get a full view and was pretty horrified by what I saw. (Mental note: Always wash makeup off before sleeping.) I quickly grabbed a face cloth and washed my face. When that was done and I didn’t look like a refugee from Clown College, I sat and took care of business.

The sound for the flush must have alerted Rita to my new found consciousness. As I walked out of the bathroom, I heard her coming up the stairs. (Here we go.) As she topped the stairs she said “Well good evening sleepy head.”

“Evening?” I replied.

“Yes dear” Rita answered. “It’s just past seven.” “Seven?” I asked a little perplexed. “It can’t be seven. It’s dark at seven.” I went on.

“Not in the spring and summer dear.” she retorted.

Still confused I thought about it for a second and then the little light bulb turned on. “It’s May, you dumb ass.” I thought to myself. I had missed the end of winter and the beginning of spring while I was in the hospital. I felt like I was in some kind of time warp for a few seconds.

“I canceled everyone coming over.” she said. “But Pat and Kim want you to call them as soon as you feel up to it.” I must have looked as agitated as I felt, thinking about having to call the bitch crew. “What’s wrong dear?” Rita inquired “Don’t you want to talk to your friends?”

I thought for a moment before I replied. “Mom. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them… It’s just… I don’t really remember them.” I answered.

She gazed at me sympathetically and said “I’m sorry Amanda. You’ve come so far since that first day in the hospital. I guess I forget you still have trouble remembering things.” She clutched me in a bear hug. “I’m so glad you’re finally home. Finally safe.” she whispered as she kissed my cheek.

“I’m glad to be here.” I replied. (The moment was so sweet, I thought I was going to need an insulin shot.)

“Are you hungry?” She asked.

Strangely the mere mention of food made my stomach rumble. “Absolutely.” I answered. “What would you like?” Rita inquired.

“Anything that isn’t hospital food.” I replied grinning.

“I think you can be reasonable sure we don’t have any of that here. However if you’ve developed a taste for it, I think we can hire on of their cooks to prepare some for you.” Rita retorted. I gave her a dirty look as we both began laughing.

We went down stairs and Rita made me a nice juicy steak with a baked potato on the side. (Delicious!!) While I ate, we talked. Rita gave me a run down on who was who in the extended family. At one point she even broke out a couple photo albums. We had a lot of fun looking through the old photos. After a bit though I noticed that there were no pictures of Mandy and me from when we were married. Although I was pretty sure that I knew the answer, I still had to ask her why.

“Oh I think they’re in one of the other albums.” she said obviously lying.

“Could you find it for me?” I asked. “I really like to see what he looks like.”

Rita glanced around nervously. After a few moments she relented. “Amanda,” she said, “the truth is we didn’t save any of your wedding pictures after you divorced him.”

“How come?” I asked somewhat agitated.

She looked at the floor and said “Because you told me to get rid of them. Once it was over you said that you didn’t want any reminders of him. So we did as you requested. Not that we wanted to keep them or anything. But still you looked very beautiful at your wedding. So in that way it was hard to throw them out. But considering some of the horrible things he did to you, we weren’t all that broken up about losing the pictures of him.”

I took a minute think over what she had said before I replied. Could I have really been that bad that Amanda wanted to forget I was ever married to her? She had never acted like that when I had seen her subsequently. I mean I knew her family didn’t like me, but I guess I never realized that they hated me. Then again I kinda did beat the crap out of her a few times. (Well quite a few actually.)

I guess my introspection went on longer than I realized because Rita put her hand on my arm and said “Earth to Mandy.”

“Oh.” I said coming out of my daze. “I’m sorry mom, I guess I just got kinda lost in thought there for a minute.”

“Did you remember something?” she asked hopefully.

“No. Not really. I was just wondering what I had been thinking to marry someone like that. I mean there must have been something good about him, at least at first.”

“To be honest, I never understood what it was that attracted you to him. At first I thought maybe it was the bad boy thing, but anyone that spoke to him for more than a couple of seconds could tell that he was anything but. Actually he was a loser. Pure and simple, loser. He wasn’t even that good looking either. So what you saw in him is a pure mystery as far as I’m concerned.”(Jeeze lady, don’t hold back, tell me how you really feel.)

“Well…I’m not sure what to say.” I stammered.

“There’s nothing to say, especially after this latest episode.” Rita replied. “With the police looking to arrest him, I’d be surprised if he hasn’t high tailed it to Montana by now. It’s not like he’d survive being in prison. Not without becoming someone’s girl friend.” she continued.

The sheer irony of that last sentence made me smile. “Well it’s true.” Rita said mistaking the reason for my smile.

“I’m sure it is.” I said tiredly. “Well Ma, thank you for dinner and showing me the pictures, but I’m beat. I’m gonna go back to bed.”

“Do you need any help?” she asked.

“No, I should be alright.” I replied. As I shuffled by her she stopped me and gave me a gentle hug and a light kiss on the cheek. Not knowing what else to do I kissed her back and headed off to bed. And that’s how my first day living in Mandy’s parent’s house went. Not too exciting but certainly educational.

Notes:

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