Hicks and Karen risk their lives to find Alice.

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Chapter 7

The only thing louder than my heart pounding in my chest was the roar of the propeller engines when Hicks slid the door open.

“We’re nearing our drop zone!” shouted Hicks. “It’s time to buckle up!”

Nodding, I glanced at the scenery rushing by through the open door a little too long. My legs felt rubbery and weak and my vision began to blur. Then I felt that familiar acidic taste in the back of my throat. I headed to the back corner and vomited…again.

“Sorry,” I said, wobbling my way back to Hicks, all the while steadying myself the best I could.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “It’s your first time. It happens.”

“Yeah, well it’s been happening all morning. I can’t believe there’s anything left. God! I can’t wait until we’re back on solid ground!”

Hicks checked his watch. “In about five minutes, you will be! Okay, go ahead and stand in front of me. Closer…closer…closer…yeah, that’s good.

The buckles clicked reassuringly as he strapped my shaking body to his, taking the edge of my fear…a little.

As we stood at the threshold, feeling the air rush against us, my vision started to blur once more as Hicks prepared for the countdown after glancing over at the pilot’s signal.

“Good luck!” shouted the pilot. “I hope you find her, Karen!”

“Thanks!” I shouted. “We will!”

“Five…four…three…two…one!”

“Shiiiiiit….” I shouted as my heart dropped in my chest as if I was on a rollercoaster.

But this was no rollercoaster. A rollercoaster is controlled chaos. It’s safe chaos. However, being at the mercy of gravity was just pure, scary-as-hell chaos. Unlike Hicks who was calmly taking in his surroundings, all I caught were blurry snapshots here and there as we spun hither and thither.

And when Hicks pulled the shoot, the rush of adrenaline at being yanked skyward was greater than the rush of adrenaline when gravity had first yanked me downward. However, when I looked up and saw that the shoot had opened just as it should, my heart calmed down a bit. It did that is until I saw some powerlines next to the field we were aiming for getting closer and closer.

“Watch out!” I shouted.

“I’ve got this Karen. Just relax and enjoy the ride.”

But I couldn’t relax, so I closed my eyes.

“We’re clear!” said Hicks. “Alright, brace yourself!”

Now it wasn’t the powerlines I was worried about. It was the beat up pickup truck we were headed for.

“Hiiiiicks!”

That old beat up pickup truck got a little more beat up when we landed square in the center of the bed of the truck. We slid to a stop with a thump.

“Ha ha!” announced Hicks with a measure of pride. “I must have jumped about a thousand times, but that was the softest landing I’ve ever had! Damn I’m good!”

“And I hope that’s the last landing I’ll ever have!” I exclaimed, trying to catch my breath.

Unbuckling me, Hicks said, “I’m gonna see if the truck’s got any gas left.”

Sitting upright and finally getting my breathing under control, I said, “Any chance I can just lie back here for a while why you drive Hicks?”

Hicks popped his head out of the cab, stepped out, and put his hands in his pockets.

“Sorry to disappoint,” said Hicks, “but I guess we’re going to be on foot for a while until we can secure other means of transportation.”

“Whew!” I exclaimed, dabbing my dewed brow with a handkerchief. I put on my sunglasses and looked eastward. “Fifty miles to go. So close, yet so far away.”

“We’ll find something,” assured Hicks, motioning with his head for me to follow him toward the gravel road ahead. “We’ll get there.”

I picked up my backpack and jogged up alongside Hicks. The morning was nearing its end, but our day had just started.

~o~O~o~

We had to walk fifteen miles under a nearly cloudless sky until we found a ride, at a small used car dealership.

I waited by the side of the road, hidden from sight behind some bushes while Hicks crossed the deserted road. Hicks walked up to the front door with the superfluous “closed” sign on it and peered in. And even though we hadn’t seen a car in over an hour, he glanced around one last time, checking to see if the coast was clear before heading around back.

A few minutes later, I saw him emerge through the front door. He checked car after car until he finally came upon one with any fuel in it, an old Civic which had seen better days. But it started up like new. It squealed a little as he turned onto the road and pulled over to the side onto the soft shoulder.

I opened the front door, but Hicks said, “No. Get in the back.”

“Why?”

“So you can hide from any passing cars. We have to be very careful Karen. These are desperate times.”

“Tell me about it,” I said, rolling my eyes and reluctantly acquiescing. “Testosterone and a lack of women don’t go very well together.”

I got in and in no time, we were cruising down the road.

“Whew!” I exclaimed. “It’s toasty in here. Could you turn on the a/c please?”

“Sorry. Can’t do that right now. Even though we’ve got about half a tank, we still need to conserve right now.”

Despite my protests, I sweated it out along with Hicks for the remainder of the short drive along the nearly deserted road. I say nearly deserted, because we encountered a few cars heading in the opposite direction, but none with women in them and hopefully they saw none in our car. I hid just like Hicks told me to do. For a few moments, I wondered if there were any women hiding in the other cars, just like me. But a more likely scenario was one in which the lonely male drivers had attempted to rescue their girlfriends or wives, but were finally convinced to give up their futile rescue attempts in the face of the military’s relentless vigilance.

Hicks brought the beat up Civic to a grinding halt a few miles from the quarantined and barricaded city.

Hicks pulled out his binoculars and surveyed the perimeter while I watched helicopters in the distance patrol the outskirts.

I hoped for some good news about our chances of getting in. However, Hick’s voice was as grim as the expression on his face, indeed as grim as the expression on the MPs walking the perimeter.

Hicks sighed before turning his weary face back to me.

“Well,” he began, “It’s just as I expected. The perimeter is about as tight as a drum. Looks like it’s going to have to be plan B.”

“Come on Hicks,” I said. “There’s got to be a way in, something they overlooked.”

“I thought we went over this before. I told you, they’re not overlooking anything,” added Hicks.

“We can’t just give up that quickly. I’m sure if we did a little recon, we could find a way…some way to get in that you didn’t think of.”

“We’re not giving up,” assured Hicks. “We can still find Alice. But if we’re going to find her, we need to start A.S.A.P. because if she wasn’t living on borrowed time before, she probably is now.”

I glanced at plan “B” in the form of the “toy” copter with a raise of my eyebrow before answering Hicks. “Well answer me this: when we do find her with…with this, how are we supposed to get her out of there?”

Hicks didn’t answer me; instead, he wore a blank expression before lowering his head.

“So we just leave her there to die if we find her. Is that what you’re saying Hicks?”

“She may be alive and healthy or she may not be,” replied Hicks. “But you’re going to have to say your goodbyes one way or the other, just like me. At least you get the chance to say goodbye. I wish I was that lucky.”

I grasped his hand as he fought back tears.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I’m so sorry for your loss…You know Hicks, it’s okay to let it out. You still haven’t fully grieved.”

Tearing himself away from my comforting touch, he said, “I’ll let it out later. There’s no time for that now. We’ve got a mission.”

I simply nodded and gave him his space.

“Let’s go ahead and give it a test run, just to make sure there aren’t any glitches,” advised Hicks.

“Okay,” I said quietly.

“You really think this will work?” I wondered, handing the helicopter to Hicks.

“As long as the meteorologists are right about the temperature forecast this evening, with Sissy’s direct storage nanobattery powering this baby, it could fly to Alaska and back without needing a charge…Alright, while we’re waiting for dusk, let’s go ahead and test out the camera.”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“I just need you to monitor the video feed for me,” said Hicks. “I’m going to head east a bit away from the city. Just give me a shout-out if there’s too much break up in the feed. Okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

The test run went very well. There was little or no picture breakup.

When Hicks returned, he said, “I just hope we don’t have any issues with the infrared camera.” Surveying the locked down city, he added, “We’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed and hope none of the larger buildings cause too much interference…By the way, how’s the battery?”

“It’s still cool,” I said. “I just put a little more ice in the cooler.”

“Good,” said Hicks.

He got back into the car. I heard a whirring sound as Hicks reclined his seat and laid back.

He said, “Wake me up just before dusk.”

Sitting in the front passenger seat while Hicks was quietly snoring away, I wasn’t worried in the slightest about nodding off and losing track of time. I figured I was too anxious and hyped up on caffeine to even close my eyes.

When evening rolled around, I began watching the thermometer which we had hung from one of the tree branches like a hawk. It was at 76 degrees and slowly falling with each hour. But it wasn’t falling fast enough for my comfort. I was on pins and needles waiting for it to drop below seventy degrees. And the waiting was more agonizing than being stuck in a traffic jam on the interstate during a heat wave when one’s a/c is on the fritz.

It might have been the branches around and above our car swaying in the cool breeze or it may have been the rhythmic sound of Hicks’ breathing that was beginning to lull me to sleep. Whatever it was, my cumulative sleep deficit was catching up with me. I dozed off. But the next thing I knew I was awoken by the distant sound of thunder.

Still bleary eyed, I yawned and stretched before looking at the clock. It only felt like I had been asleep for a matter of minutes but the clock said otherwise. It was half past six but the darkening sky made it feel later.

“Hicks,” I said, nudging him gently on the shoulder.

“Hmmm?” was his groggy reply.

“I think we may have a problem,” I said. “Look over there.”

Looking over his shoulder, he fixed his gaze on the threatening clouds to the northwest.

“This may actually work to our advantage,” he observed. “It might cool things off faster.”

“I can’t believe our luck!” I exclaimed. “They said there was only a very slight chance of storms this evening.”

“Since I met you Karen, it seems that slim always seems to win out for us.”

“Well, I just hope it moves through quickly.”

“It’s probably just one of your garden variety popcorn-type thunderstorms.”

Hicks got out of the car to stretch and I followed suit. The very cool air from the outflow boundary ahead of the storm reached us at about the same time as the darkening shadows below the racing clouds above. We both savored mother nature’s air-conditioning before the first vivid bolt of lightning.

“Damn that was close!” I shouted over the gusting wind.

We both looked at each other in mutual understanding and sought refuge from the storm in our compact car.

“Turn on the radio,” I said.

“Why?” wondered Hicks. “Most of the stations are just static.”

“Not the car radio,” I said. “Turn on your radio.”

“Good idea,” he said. “We can monitor some of the police and emergency management bands.”

Hicks scanned the frequencies while our ears scanned for something other than static.

“There!” I announced. “I think you had something. Go back a little.”

The National Weather Service has just issued a severe thunderstorm warning for the following counties and cities…

The radio began crackling and Hicks turned up the volume to compensate. But by the time the crackling subsided the advisory was nearly over.

…Affected areas and residents can expect dangerous cloud to ground lightning, small hail, and winds gusting to as high as sixty miles per hour. All residents are advised to seek shelter immediately inside a sturdy structure.

“Was the city mentioned?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” replied Hicks. “But I could make out that some of the neighboring counties were.”

We hunkered down and braced for the worst, just like the military personnel in the distance scrambling to get everything secured for the coming onslaught.

After the storm passed, I said, “Thank God it wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t your garden variety storm but then again it wasn’t too severe either.”

Hicks felt the window with his palm before speaking. “Either way, it’s cooled things down quite a bit.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s go look at the thermometer.”

I grabbed a paper towel and walked over and wiped it off in order to confirm what my tingling skin was already telling me.

“Yes!” I shouted, raising my arms in the air. “Sixty-seven degrees.”

“Alright,” replied Hicks. “Good to go then. And we’ve got a good window right now.” Pointing in the direction of the barricaded main entrance to the city, he continued on. “They’re a little preoccupied with some downed limbs across the roads to pay much attention to what we’re doing.”

Picking up the helicopter from the back seat, he said, “Karen, hand me the battery and let’s put this thing into stealth mode.”

Hicks strapped the small battery onto the body of the helicopter with some Velcro and adjusted the mini-camera one last time.

“It’s show time buddy,” he playfully whispered to his new toy.

A warm smile danced its way across my face as Hicks set the helicopter on top of the car roof.

Offering me the remote, he said, “Would you like to do the honors for this inaugural flight?”

“Hmmm…” I began. “No. I think it’s better if you drive. I’d probably end up crashing it into a building anyway.”

Nodding, Hicks flipped a switch on the battery and then pressed the start button on the remote control. The helicopter whirred nearly silently to life and hovered whisper quiet for a few moments over the car roof, swaying ever so gently in the breezy evening.

“Hey Karen,” he said. “Go ahead and stand in front of the car if you would please.”

“Well,” I began. “This is a very interesting way to take a selfie.”

“Looking good,” he said.

With Hicks at the controls, he maneuvered the helicopter over my head and then over the rusty chainlink fence surrounding the weed infested abandoned lot adjacent to our position. Meanwhile, I grabbed a couple of towels and draped them across the hood and windshield of the car before lying on top of it.

“Why don’t you take a load off,” I suggested. “It’s going to be a long recon mission.”

Hicks took his place beside me after he nudged the copter on the proper heading.

“I’m going to guide her in from the southeast, across the water and take her in near the dock, near the outskirts of the city. Something this small shouldn’t arouse any notice. The coastguard will be too busy looking for rafts and small boats. But even if we do make it to her apartment without incident, there’s no guarantee she’ll be there.”

“We’ll find her,” I insisted. “We’ll find her.”

Once Hicks guided our own aerial drone past the dock and into the city proper, I really felt like I was on the right side of the hood of the car, for I became the navigator, telling him to head right on this street or go straight on another.

I experienced a wave of déjà vu when I looked over at the screen on Hicks’ lap.

“God that’s an eerie sight,” I observed. “It’s just like my dream, just like that horrible dream I had in the mining tunnel. I mean look. Where is everybody? Other than the occasional humvee, where did everybody go? I mean the streets are practically deserted.”

“There’s probably a curfew,” suggested Hicks.

I glanced at my watch before replying.

“This early?” I wondered.

But hicks didn’t respond to my questioning tone. However, about thirty minutes later, as we were nearing the stadium, he did respond to my demanding tone of voice.

“What the hell?” I wondered. “Why are there so many trucks lined up in the parking lot of the stadium.”

“I don’t know. Staging area maybe. But don’t worry about it. We have to keep pushing on. I think the temperature might be nudging up a bit…and you know what that means.”

“I’m not worried about that right now. I’m worried about what’s going on in there. And I’m pretty sure it’s not a playoff game.”

“Why don’t we check on it on the way back, okay?” suggested Hicks.

“No,” I insisted. “I want to check it out now. Just fly over top of the stadium and hover there for a bit, okay?”

I waited for a reply, but there was just silence.

“Okay?” I reiterated with more authority in my voice.

“But if I go that high, I’ll have to watch out for power lines on the ascent,” said Hicks.

However, despite Hicks reasonable objection, when he glanced over at the impatiently crossed arms of the somewhat unreasonable woman lying next to him, he quietly acquiesced.

“Alright,” he began. “I’ve turned around. I’m heading over there now. Just be quiet. I really need to concentrate right now.”

I simply nodded and stared intently at the screen as he started the ascent.

When he cleared the rim of the stadium, I saw him wince ever so slightly, partially confirming the grim scenario in my mind’s eye.

I took a deep breath and peered over his shoulder at the fresh images streaming live from our tablet. Then I instinctively placed my hand over my mouth to suppress a gasp. But I couldn’t suppress the tears from stinging my eyes.

“Oh no!” I quietly exclaimed. “Oh my God! The bodies are lined up everywhere. Jesus! I mean look, there’s hardly any green left.” I turned toward Hicks with pleading eyes. “What if Alice is down there. What if we’re too late? What if they’re placing her body bag on the twenty yard line as we speak?”

I rested my head on his shoulder and started sobbing.

“Hey,” said Hicks in the sweetest and most gentle tone. “She might very well still be alive.”

Hicks slowly panned the camera around, surveying the skyline of the city before speaking again.

Pointing to a spot on the tablet, he said, “Look right there? You see that? Look how many lights are still on in a lot of the buildings. And I bet there are still some lights on in Alice’s apartment complex. How’s about we head over there and see for ourselves.”

“Okay,” I said weakly.

Once Hicks guided the helicopter away from that terrible impromptu morgue, he said, “You really do care about her, don’t you?”

I nodded. “She’s like a sister to me. She’s the closest thing I have to family at the moment. We both helped each other through a very difficult time.”

“How did you meet her?” wondered Hicks.

“Since there’s no point in keeping secrets considering the world’s coming to an end, I might as well tell you. We uh…we met at an inpatient psychiatric facility quite a while back. You see, I had a breakdown of sorts. And Alice was being treated for severe depression.”

“It happens,” said Hicks. “And if you don’t mind my asking, how did it happen?”

“First, take this next right and follow this road for the next five miles. Alice’s apartment complex is going to be on the left…Anyway, getting back to your question, the circumstances that led me there strain credibility as they say.”

“Try me,” said Hicks.

“You wouldn’t believe me anyway,” I said, with a dismissive wave of my hand.

“What about it being the end of the world and everything?”

“Because it might be the end of our time together if I tell you everything.”

“It can’t be that bad,” speculated Hicks.

“Look, the same reason I ended up in the loony bin was the same reason I got kidnapped, and the same reason I was whisked away to that lovely base in the desert. And it’s the same reason I could lose you just like I lost my fiancé.”

“I’m sorry I asked,” said Hicks.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about. You’ve helped me out more than anyone else ever has in my life…Look, I’ll make a deal with you. After we find Alice, I’ll go ahead and tell you everything. Either way, we’re about to go our separate ways anyway.”

“Okay,” he said quietly.

The rest of the way down this dim and lonely road was mostly spent in silence aside from me giving Hicks updates on how close we were.

“Okay,” I said. “We’re just about there. Take a left onto the next side street.”

“Hmmm,” said Hicks. “Either the power is out, or nobody’s home. I’m gonna go ahead and switch to infrared mode. Which apartment does she live in?”

“Uhh…She lives in number twenty-one.”

“Alright, let’s go ahead and have a look through the front windows.”

“Do you see anything?”

“Not yet,” said Hicks. “But you’ll be the first to know when I do.”

“Maybe she’s asleep.”

“Maybe. Let me go ahead and fly around to the back.”

When Hicks put the helicopter into hover mode in front of Alice’s bedroom window my heart dropped in my chest.

“Oh God,” I said. “She’s not here.”

“Maybe she’s staying with friends,” offered Hicks.

“She really didn’t have any close friends other than me. She’s always been a rather introverted girl.”

“What about family?” wondered Hicks.

“They don’t live in the city. They live way out in the country and she doesn’t have a car.”

“Maybe she made it out before the quarantine,” reasoned Hicks.

“It’s possible but…I don’t know. Maybe she’s holed up safe somewhere. If only I could get through on her cell. Then we could find out where she is. If only the network wasn’t down.”

“Wait a minute,” said Hicks. “You said earlier that you were both at the psychiatric facility at the same time. Right?”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with anything?”

“They probably still have her records on file,” he said.

“Of course! They have her emergency contact information, don’t they?”

“Most likely,” replied Hicks.

“I just hope her parents haven’t moved since then,” I said.

“Only one way to find out,” said Hicks. “Ready for another road trip?”

I smiled as I got back into the car. “As long as you drive Hicks. As long as you drive.”

~o~O~o~

It was really frustrating. An otherwise scenic drive along winding roads that normally would have taken about an hour had already taken that long and we weren’t even half way there yet.

“Damn it!” shouted Hicks as we came around a bend.

He slammed on the brakes and the tires squealed, with the accompanying fish-tailing of the rear of our increasingly inadequate car.

“Great!” I said, throwing my arms up in the air in exasperation. “Just what we need! Another tree lying across the road.”

“They weren’t messing around when they issued that severe thunderstorm warning, were they Karen.”

“How are we going to get around this one?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he conceded. “This embankment looks a little too steep. If we just had four-wheel drive, then maybe we could make it.”

“Now what?” I said. “Now what do we do?”

“I guess we’ll just have to go on foot until we can find another vehicle. In the meantime…”

Hicks’ voice trailed off and I shifted my gaze to where his attention was captivated by something off in the distance.

“I think someone’s coming,” added Hicks. “Quick,” he said, rushing to the back of the car. “Let’s grab our supplies and head toward the treeline.”

I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my damp shoulder as I jogged toward the shoulder, trying to keep up with Hicks.

When we reached the treeline, the hum of the engine of the approaching vehicle was getting louder. And the vehicle sounded much bigger than our humble little compact.

By the time the glare of the headlights would have stung our eyes, he and I were out of sight, but it felt as though we were not out of danger yet.

My worst fears were confirmed when the civilian camoflauge colored truck screeched to a halt in front of the obstacle and three burly redneck looking guys slowly and deliberately got out of the cab.

The driver said to one of the passengers, “Grab the chainsaw from the back and start cutting through while I check the car out.”

He pulled a rifle out from the backseat and began scanning the area adjacent to mile marker…well, mile marker whatever it was. Meanwhile, the third passenger climbed into the bed of the truck, shotgun in shaky hands, reluctantly prepared to provide the necessary backup. What scared me the most weren’t the firearms, but how rehearsed and coordinated the whole deployment was, like they had run into trouble before.

My heart raced, but Hicks grasped my hand and motioned with his head toward the firearm in his steady and practiced hand. Then he handed me his spare firearm.

“Just like I showed you, okay?” he whispered. “Everything’s going to be fine Karen. It’s just a precaution.”

But if everything was going to be fine, why did he hand me the fully loaded pistol in the first place?

“Earl!” announced the man from the bed of the truck. “Be careful. You remember what happened last time.”

Earl let out a guffaw, followed by a calm chuckle.

“Take a look at the car Randy,” said Earl, momentarily glancing back over his shoulder. “You really think the people who were driving this foreign piece of shit are packin?’”

“Maybe that’s what they want us to think,” replied his weary comrade Randy. “Maybe they’re just waitin’ to ambush us.”

“Quit talkin’ stupid Randy,” snapped Earl, reaching the front end of our car. “If they were gonna start some shit, they woulda’ done so by now.”

“All I’m sayin’ is that you can’t be too careful these days,” said Randy.

Ignoring him, Earl placed his hand on the hood of our car.

“It’s still warm, which means they probably aren’t too far away,” said Earl.

“You think maybe they have…you know, a woman with them?” inquired the third man, chainsaw in hand and anxiously awaiting the order from his leader to begin cutting through.

“What?” said Randy. “You lookin’ for another girlfriend already Dave? I mean Jesus! Her body aint even cold yet.”

“You son of a bitch. You gotta lot of nerve!” hissed Dave, acid dripping from every word.

Dave menacingly approached his fellow redneck chainsaw in hand.

“Hey goddamn it!” admonished Earl. “That’s enough. Don’t nobody start no shit right now. We’ve got too much stuff to do. Now go ahead and start cuttin’ through Dave. I’m gonna see how much gas they got left.”

The revving of the chainsaw startled me and some birds in the canopy, causing Randy to flinch. Meanwhile, Earl began siphoning the remaining gas out of the tank.

Randy made quick work of the tree, and soon he and Earl were rolling the debris toward the embankment. It hit the brush near us with a thunderous crash. Then Earl grabbed the large gas can off the hood of the car.

“Look how much I got,” announced Earl, sloshing the liquid around. “Talk about bein’ a dumbass. Anyone stupid enough to leave this much gas in their tank aint gonna last very long.”

“What an asshole,” I whispered. “Don’t you…”

My voice trailed off and my heart dropped in my chest when I looked over and saw only flattened grass and saplings where Hicks had been crouched by my side just moments ago. But my heart wasn’t the only one that dropped in its chest.

Randy and Dave quickly joined in on some laughter at our expense.

“Yeah Earl,” began Randy. “You hit the nail on…”

Randy’s voice trailed off. And when Earl shifted his attention back to his nervous companion, the smile had been thoroughly wiped off his face.

“Son of a…” said Earl.

To my and Earl’s amazement, there was Hicks, as silent as a big cat in the bed of the truck with pistol pressed against Randy’s sweaty forehead.

“Well,” said Hicks. “This dumbass would kindly like you to return his gasoline to him. But before you do, empty the bullets from your firearms and then toss your guns into the embankment.”

When Earl and Dave hesitated, Hicks cocked his pistol.

With a crazed look in his eyes, Hicks said, “These are desperate times and I’m a desperate man. And may I add that I’ve killed far more important people than you and have no qualms about adding a few more notches in my belt. Now do as I say, and I promise you’ll live.”

Earl nodded to Dave and they wisely complied with Hicks’ instructions.

“Good,” said Hicks. “Now lie down on the pavement and put your hands behind your head…Good…Alright Karen!” shouted Hicks. “It’s safe. You can come out now.”

As I stepped back onto the road, with rubbery legs, I took the first tentative steps toward Hicks.

“Karen,” said Hicks. “Go ahead and grab the firearms from the brush and don’t forget the gas can.”

After Hicks “evicted” his new friend from the bed of the truck, I made my way to the cab of the truck to join him.

But Earl just had to get the last word in.

“You may have my truck and our guns, but we’ll find you…no matter how long it takes, we’ll find you…you and your woman…You hear me honey? You’ll be mine soon. Mark my words.”

“I’m nobody’s woman,” I hissed. “In fact, I’m not really a woman. My name used to be Eric Campbell and I probably had a bigger cock than you before I got my vaginaplasty.”

I left Earl in his indignity, with that “at a loss for words, tongue tied” expression plastered on his grizzled and ugly face. But I was confronted with a similar look from Hicks when I smiled at him from the passenger seat.

As Hicks put the truck in gear, I said, “I was just screwing with him. Just thought it would be funny is all.”

“Okay,” said Hicks, his eyes nervously darting back and forth.

The tires chirped as we raced away from that terrible scene.
When the men behind us with their now raised fists in the air out of sight and out of mind once we went around a bend, Hicks glanced over at me with a wry smile on his face.

“You are full of surprises Karen,” he said.

“Well, Sissy did say I was a spark plug…And yes, I am full of surprises.”

I winked at him.

“You weren’t serious at all back there, were you?” wondered Hicks.

“You just can’t let this go, can you Hicks…Let me ask you a question: what do you think?”

“To be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure. Ever since I led the rescue team that found you that night, I…I’ve just always felt there’s something different about you…something…oh, never mind. It’s not important. I’m sure you’ll tell me when you’re ready…if you’re ever ready.”

“Well when I do tell you, you’ll probably be as surprised as Randy when you snuck up on him in the back of the pickup truck.” I gave him a playful punch in the arm. “And by the way, for future reference, don’t ever do anything like that before giving me a heads-up first. You scared the hell out of me when you disappeared. I mean what are you, part ninja or something?”

“I made a judgment call in a deteriorating situation,” said Hicks.

“Deteriorating situation?”

“Yeah. It was either deal with them on the road or later on in the woods when they decided to come looking for us. Sometimes the window for the element of surprise is a matter of seconds and you have to act fast. And sometimes that means not discussing it ahead of time with the woman next to you, a person you care very deeply for, a person you would give your own life to protect. You’re that important Karen. Sometimes I think you forget that. That’s why I did what I did.”

I grasped his hand, fighting back tears. “Thanks Hicks. You’re an amazing guy. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”

“Yeah,” was his weak reply.

An awkward silence characterized the next fifteen minutes or so. The cab of the truck was as free of conversation as the road ahead was free of debris thanks to the hard work of our redneck friends so many miles back.

During the silence, I tried to play out the scenario in my mind, of how Hicks would react if I told him my terrible secret, the secret that not even his own superiors wanted him to know. But my mind was as blank as was the starless sky above thanks to the obscuring stratiform cloud cover.

Finally, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me, I decided to tell him. The time just seemed right. Maybe it was motivated by our recent roadside encounter of how easily a person’s life could be cut short.

“I was only half joking back there,” I confessed.

Hicks remained silent, but I continued on, like one of those characters in a tragic play during a monologue.

“My name wasn’t always Karen Shaw. It used to be…Years ago…what feels like a lifetime ago, I went by the name Eric Campbell. But everything changed…literally…when I was duped into participating in project Eve 2.0. The only reason I took part in the project was because I thought it was reversible…plus I felt I didn’t have anything to lose…not like now. Things were very different for me back then. Now how do I put this…Basically, they turned me into a woman, and I’m not just talking about on the outside. They did much more to me. They turned me into a woman on the inside too…on a genetic level they say. Not even a doctor can tell me apart from a real woman. But can I have kids? I don’t know. So maybe I’m not as important as you think.”

The tears started welling up and I couldn’t fight them back anymore.

“You must think I’m such a fraud. I mean how do you feel?” I pleaded. “Lied to? Betrayed? Disgusted? Angry? I know my ex would if she found out about me. So which one is it? Please say something…anything. Your silence is killing me right now!”

“I do feel disgusted, but not by you Karen. I feel disgust toward the government for what they did. What they did was unconscionable. But…”

“But what?” I demanded.

“Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe it was for the better. I mean, even as short as your hair is right now, I don’t see anything but woman…I always have. You’ll always be Karen to me.”

I started crying.

“I’m so relieved Hicks. Thank you. Thank you so much for not thinking I’m a freak or something. That’s why I was kidnapped. That fundamentalist group found out about me and wanted to kill me because they… because they…”

“I know,” said Hicks. “I was there. What they said was unforgivable too. If they knew you like I know the real you, they would never think that…no one would.”

“I’d like to think that Hicks. I really would. I just wish everyone was as understanding as you.”

“Does your fiance know about you?”

I shook my head. “I never saw the point in telling him. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.”
“Why not?” wondered Hicks.

“Because of some disparaging comments he made about trans-women and about them fooling men. But we’re not trying to fool anyone. I guess if by fool, you mean we’re living lives true to who we are, then yes, we are fooling people.”

“If he made those kinds of comments, why did you stay with him?”

“Good question…I don’t know. Maybe it was because I was so anxious to settle down that I focused on some of his other qualities. I married for love once, and I wasn’t going to make that mistake again, because the passion eventually fades away. So this time I was just looking for someone who could take care of me, a stable caring guy who I could start a family with. That’s what I really want now, a family. I would like to bring a child into this world before I die.”

“You sound like my fiancee,” said Hicks. “The wanting children part I mean.” Hicks forced a smile. “She wanted a little girl so bad. She even had the name picked out.”

“What name did she decide on?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter now,” said Hicks, coldly. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

“I’d still like to know,” I said softly.

I could tell Hicks was fighting back tears.

“Melanie. Our little girl would have been called Melanie.”

Hicks wiped away a tear before it could course its way down his stubbly face.

“That’s a lovely name,” I said.

All Hicks could do was manage a nod.

Once again, silence characterized our drive toward Alice’s parents’ house. And I realized my hope of seeing Alice’s smiling face again was turning into a life raft in one-hundred foot seas. But like my chances of giving birth, I hoped against hope.

~o~O~o~

By the time we turned onto the long gravelly driveway leading to her parents’ two story house, it was very am. The cloud cover had subsided, revealing a bright crescent moon. But I didn’t know if it was waning or waxing, just like I didn’t know how the long I would hear the crunch of gravel underneath the truck’s tires as we gently bounced up and down while traversing the occasional pothole.

We came around the last bend and the house came into view. But instead of seeing the front porch light on, shining like a beacon, the only thing lighting up the front of the house (besides our headlights) was the feeble moonlight.

Hicks gently depressed the brakes and brought the truck silently to a halt, behind a sedan, the only car in the driveway.

“Wait here,” urged Hicks.

He reached for the door handle, but before he could open it I said, “Why are you bringing your sidearm?”

“We don’t know if that’s their car or not. Until I can confirm that the people in this house have the same last name as the one on the mailbox, I won’t holster my gun.”

He opened the door and stepped out, but he hesitated before he took his first step toward the house.

Looking back over his shoulder, he said, “If something happens, if someone gets the jump on me, head back down the driveway and get the hell out of here and don’t look back.”

“I could never do that!” I said.

“Shhh!” said Hicks. “Keep it down. You have to leave me behind. You’re too important.”

I rolled my eyes upon hearing that tired refrain again, but Hicks ignored me.

“Now I know I can’t give you an order, but just do what you know you should do if something should ever happen and head straight for the rendezvous point with Sissy. Okay?

I nodded my head, but inside, my heart certainly wasn’t in agreement with the more rational part of my mind.

“Good,” said Hicks. “Here I go. Wish me luck.”

The way Hicks approached the front of the house, it was like he was on some special ops mission, one of a highly trained team surrounding a house for an infiltration mission. And it was this approach of his which almost made the situation seem comical all of the sudden when he finally rang the doorbell.

My heart raced as much as I’m sure his did during the nearly unbearable silence which followed, a silence in which we both wondered who would answer the door, friend or foe, if at all. He rang the bell several more times, but there was no answer.

Then, he slowly opened the door and peered inside with his flashlight in one hand and gun in the other.
I was so startled when the living room light came on that I nearly jumped out of my seat. I kept waiting for a gunshot to echo through the house, but there was nothing, just that protracted eerie silence. After waiting what seemed like an interminable amount of time, I couldn’t wait any longer. I grabbed my sidearm and jogged on over to the front porch. But before I could even make it up the front steps, Hicks opened the front door, this time with his gun holstered.

“I thought I told you to stay in the car?” said Hicks.

“Well, you know me and orders. They go about as well together as oil and water.”

But Hicks wasn’t smiling at my lame attempt at humor.

“What is it?” I wondered.

Hicks sighed before responding. “I found a note. It’s addressed to you Karen.”

He pulled the folded piece of office paper from his cargo pocket and handed it to me, before sighing and walking over to the porch swing to give me some privacy. I sat down on the steps and read the terrible words which quickly had my tears dampening the white paper. I’m not going to tell you everything that was in the note, it’s just too heartwrenching. Suffice it to say that her father, who wrote the note, said that his daughter told him on her deathbed to tell me that meeting me was one of the best things that ever happened to her and that no matter what, she would always be my friend and always be with me.

“No, no, no, no!” I cried, as I furiously tore up the note.

No sooner had I started weeping, than Hicks rushed over to comfort me.

“I’m sorry Karen. I’m so sorry we didn’t get here sooner.”

Still shaking from the sobs, I said, “I’m not…I’m not sure it would have even made a difference.”

Composing myself somewhat, I pulled away from his shoulder and wiped away the tears.

“Where are you going?” asked Hicks.

“To say goodbye to Alice. Her father said…her father said…”

I couldn’t finish my sentence because I started sobbing again.

Hicks rushed over and embraced me once more while the dam burst…again.

When I cried myself out, in between dry sobs, I managed to get it out.

“Her…Her father said…He said…he buried her in the backyard…next to the tree swing…the one she loved growing up…the one he…Oh God! I can’t believe she’s gone Hicks. She was so young. She had a full life ahead of her. If there is a God, why didn’t he take me? All he had to do was ask and I would have gladly taken her place. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.”

All of the sudden, I put my hand over my mouth and rushed over to the bushes. I could feel my stomach seizing and swelling up. And I was surprised at how much I had left, after having Hicks pull over on the way toward Alice’s parents’ house.

“Are you okay?” inquired Hicks as he hurried toward me.

I managed a nod while still catching my breath after such violent heaves.

“I think…I think I’ll just rest for a bit in front of the flower bed…Whew!”

“Let me feel your forehead Karen,” said Hicks.

“I don’t think I have a fever,” I said. “I don’t feel hot.”

“Hmmm,” added Hicks, checking my forehead a couple of times. “No, you don’t.”

“Maybe it’s something I ate,” I suggested.

“But we’ve been eating the same food,” added Hicks.

“Help me up Hicks, if you would please. I’m gonna head inside and use the bathroom real quick. Okay?”

When I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I couldn’t help but force one of those WTF smiles. Then I rinsed out my mouth and washed up. When I looked at my reflection again, this time I shook my head, for I knew I wasn’t sick, and I knew I wasn’t suffering from food poisoning. Nope. It was none of the above. But now I was pretty sure what it was. If I could have found a pregnancy test kit in the bathroom, I somehow knew I would have tested positive.

I smiled and shook my head again. Apparently my sex education teacher was right about one thing: condoms aren’t one-hundred percent effective!

I turned sideways and puffed out my belly and gently rubbed it. I was going to be a mommy! But the thought of Alice six feet under tempered my excitement.

I walked back out onto the porch and joined Hicks on the porch swing. He studied something off in the distance while I continued rubbing my belly, letting out the occasional sigh.

“Would you like to meet her?” I asked.

“Hmm?” wondered Hicks.

“Alice. You can pay your respects with me if you’d like. I think I’m ready.”

“Sure.”

Hicks held my hand as we walked around the front of the house toward the backyard with the tree and its dangling motionless swing silhouetted in the moonlight. When we got close enough, I saw something else silhouetted in the moonlight: two crosses. I wiped away tears once more when I could make out the names carved into them. The one to my left was Alice’s mother and the one to my right was…well, you know.

I fell to my knees and started softly crying again.

“I’m sorry Alice,” I began. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I’m…”

Hicks handed me a tissue.

“Thanks,” I said weakly. “Alice, you see this man next to me? His name is Hicks…Say hello to Alice, Hicks.” Hicks forced a half-smile with an accompanying tired wave. “Without him, I would probably be by your side right now. Without him, I never would have made it this far. I would have never found out what happened to you, that you didn’t die alone, that your loving family was by your side until the end. Thanks to him I won’t be torn apart inside by not knowing…Alice, despite the pain and sadness I feel inside, I don’t regret my stay at the hospital because I got to meet you and watch you find your way out of the depths of despair and into the light where you belonged. Your sadness was my sadness, and your happiness was my happiness. You have left this earth, but not my heart. I will carry fond memories of our brief time together with me for the rest of my days. I know you are in a better place and will never know pain again. And one day, when we’re reunited, your happiness will be my happiness once more. Goodbye.”

Hicks helped me to my feet once more and we began the long walk back to the truck.

“Hicks?”

“Mmm hmm,” he replied.

“I was just thinking about how lovely the name Alice is. And I was thinking about choosing that name if I have a little girl.”

Hicks stopped dead in his tracks and grasped both of my hands, his face lit up with a smile as much as the sky was lighting up with the pale orange of pre-dawn.

“Are you…” he began.

I nodded while a warm smile suffused across my face.

“That’s wonderful news! That’s the first good news I’ve heard in a long, long while.”

“I was also thinking that if I have another girl, I would name her Melanie. What do you think Hicks?”

“I’d like that very much,” said Hicks.

Hicks and I walked hand-in-hand toward the brightening twilight sky to the east, as if we were an old married couple.

Although the sadness still consumed me, I felt unburdened. I felt like it was okay to feel and live again. I owed that to Alice, indeed to the countless women who had died because of this terrible plague. I vowed to honor their memories by living my life to the fullest, and loving with all of my heart.