Ballroom dancing has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, but I didn’t realise just how important it would become in shaping my future until I had to take the place of one of my bosses following an accident. Dancing Queen A novel by Louise Anne Smithson Copyright © 2013 Louise Anne Smithson All Rights Reserved.

Chapter 30 My future

There is no railway station in Dunstable, it was closed down many years ago in the 1960s, but the train journey from Luton to St. Pancras in London only takes about thirty-five minutes, and there is a frequent service. Thus Rob offered to pick me up from my home at 9.30 on the morning of the 3rd November. I was wearing one of Mum’s smart business suits, and a silk blouse, and by this time was pretty good at fixing my own hair and makeup. My outfit gave me more confidence and I could tell that Rob was quite pleased with the way I looked although he didn’t comment on the fact.

‘Basically, Michelle, we’re just there to listen to one another to find out more details as to what they have in mind, and make clear what we are able to offer. We won’t be signing anything today,’ he said.

‘I know but it would be nice if we can at least come away with the final wording of the contract, and then organise another meeting,’ I said.

‘But I don’t want you to feel pressurised in any way about your own contribution, even if it does mean that the deal falls through. You’ve done more than enough for the society as it is.’

I smiled to myself remembering that such asurances had had relatively little impact on the way things had turned out for me in the past.

‘Don’t worry, anything I decide to do in future will be for my sake.’

‘Good’.

It took us another fifteen minutes after our arrival to travel on the Underground to Leicester Square and a ten minute walk to Dean Street off Soho Square, where the company had their offices above a shop. Thus we were in plenty of time for our 11.00am appointment. We were welcomed by Gerry and Frank, the two bosses of the outfit, both of whom were in their mid-thirties, and their assistant, Chloe, in her late-twenties. I was introduced as ‘Michelle, the secretary of the committee’.

‘And, if I’m not mistaken, one of the principal dancers, as well,’ said Gerry.

I smiled in agreement.

‘You really can dance well, young lady. That tap routine for the Charleston on Saturday was brilliant, as was the Tango as well. I wanted to congratulate you at the time but didn’t get a chance.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, colouring a little but pleased to receive such a compliment, all the same.

They took our coats and offered us some coffee and then we adjourned to a small meeting room.

‘I take it that you’ve had a chance to look through the draft proposal, Rob?’

He confirmed that we had discussed it at a Committee meeting and were broadly in favour of the terms.

‘We’ve been looking again at the six YouTube clips, and would be happy with the choreography and dancers involved so these could form the basis of our first six videos early next year, so that will give those involved some time to prepare for the others.’

‘So you would pay the choreographer a fee even though the work as already done?’ Rob said.

‘Yes, of course, so long as they were willing to transfer the rights involved but we would need to film the dancers again, this time without an audience. We will provide a director, a camera man and a sound man, and will also be happy to employ your guy as a freelance as well if he is interested.’

‘His name is Richard,’ I added.

‘That all sounds great, but we are not sure about Michelle’s availability in the New Year,’ said Mike.

There was a perceptible change in temperature in the meeting. Frank dropped the pen he was holding.

‘What about the others involved?’ he asked.

‘We would have no problem, there,’ said Rob. ‘Alan, in particular, is very keen to take part.’

‘I am sure that we would do our best not to clash with Michelle’s existing commitments,’ said Gerry.

‘The trouble is you are asking an awful lot from someone who is not a professional dancer, and has no intention of becoming one,’ I explained. ‘My principal role in the society so far has been as a choreographer and I will be happy to continue to do so. There are other ladies who could undertake the dancing.’

‘In that case why were you selected as the lead dancer for your showcase dances?’

‘Our usual showcase dancer had an accident – that is why I was asked to take her place,’ I replied.

‘We didn’t see evidence that there are any of your colleagues who is in the same league as you are, young lady,’ said Gerry.

‘You haven’t seen my friend Sarah dance; she is just as good a dancer as I am, but has been out of action for a few weeks, but she should be dancing again by January.’

‘Would you agree with that assessment, Rob?’ asked Frank.

‘I’m biased since she is my wife, but yes, both she and Michelle are excellent ballroom dancers.’

‘And there are other lady dancers who are also improving all the time and will soon be in a position to take over the lead,’ I added.

‘I am going to need a brief private discussion with my colleagues,’ said Gerry. ‘Would you two excuse us please?’

They left us alone in the room for a few minutes.

‘I hope you know what you are doing,’ said Rob.

‘So do I,’ I replied.

The three came back after five minutes.

‘We would be willing to accept your assurance that you will be able to provide other lady dancers of an appropriate standard, but in return we want it to be specified in the contract that at least fifty percent of the dances will be undertaken by Michelle and her current partner.’

‘I am sure that we will be able to agree to that,’ I replied, turning to Rob before he had the opportunity to respond.

He gave me a searching look.

‘Alright, if Michelle is happy with those conditions, I am sure our committee will be happy to go ahead.’

The remainder of our meeting was concerned with discussing the details, a timetable and then converting the proposal in to the terms of a contract for us to take away. Whilst it was being printed I asked whether I might use the Ladies and Chloe offered to show me where to find them.

‘They must be really keen to have you as a dancer, Michelle, they don’t normally compromise in this way,’ she said.

‘I don’t think they’ll be disappointed by the others. Also, as soon as we have finished with the ballroom dances I have a few ideas for similar ones to cover Electro Dance Music as well.’

‘Really? I keep telling my bosses that they ought to branch out into EDM as well as ballroom. Maybe we could meet up in the New Year and put down a proposal on paper. I’m sure they would listen to you.’

‘I’d like that,’ I replied.

Rob and I had a bite to eat together before returning to Luton in the early afternoon.

‘Thank you for making space for Sarah, she will now have a great incentive to get dancing once again.’

‘I meant what I said. I’ve always thought that she was an excellent dancer.’

‘I really hope that you realise what you are committing yourself to, Michelle, potentially remaining as a girl for the next two years.’

I smiled.

‘I think I am committing myself to a lot more than that, Rob. I’ve decided that Mike won’t be coming back, ever. I have decided to continue using my female identity, full-time, and take steps to transition to become a woman, both legally and also physically, as far as is possible. I will be seeking to change my name and my gender on official documents. After two years I will be seeking to obtain a gender recognition certificate.’

He didn’t look completely surprised by what I’d just said.

‘Sarah said to me that she thought this might be the final outcome, but are you sure?’

‘I wouldn’t be taking such a drastic step unless I was absolutely certain. It is a decision that I’ve been gradually coming to over the last few weeks. The proposal we have discussed today may have caused me to come to that decision a little earlier than I had planned, but I am sure that I would have come to the same decision quite soon, in any event.’

‘Michelle does seem a more confident and contented person than Mike.’

‘Yes, I think so.’

‘Well, all I can say is good luck to you,’ he said and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

By the time we got back to Luton there was no point in my travelling in to work in Dunstable so Rob dropped me off at home at 3.00pm. Mum wasn’t in at the time. I changed out of my work clothes and put on a pair of jeans and a fairly scruffy looking top, found the step-ladder and made my way to the loft. I soon found the three black plastic bags containing Mike’s clothes and had just got them down and put them in the hall when Mum returned from her shopping.

‘What are you doing Michelle?’

‘I am just taking these to the charity shop. I will have no further use for them.’

‘So you’ve made your decision.’

‘Yes, Mum, I’ve made my decision; you will have a daughter from now onwards. I have found the address of a therapist and telephoned for an appointment. I hope to start taking testosterone blockers and oestrogen soon. There will be no going back then.’

She held me in her arms and looked carefully into my eyes.

‘You are sure?’

‘Yes, Mum, I am sure.’

‘I feel I can say this to you now, I think you are making the right decision. I’ve loved having a daughter and am sure that I will always do so, but that is not the point. I think it is the right decision for you.’

‘Thanks Mum.’

Later that evening I rang Helen on her mobile phone.

‘Hi Michelle, how did your meeting go?’

‘Very well indeed, in fact you will be seeing me around for some time to come.’

‘I suspected as much, I am pleased for you. So what can I do for you?’

‘You know you offered to take me clothes shopping sometime, are you doing anything next Saturday morning?’

‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘I’m planning to withdraw my savings out of the bank and need to buy myself quite a few items for my wardrobe now that I know that Michelle is here to stay. Will you help me to choose them?’

‘Yes of course I will be happy to do so, but what about the car that you have been saving for?’

‘There will be opportunities for me to earn some money in the future, but in the meanwhile I have more important things to do with the money.’

So that explains how my life changed so drastically for the better, over a six week period in the Autumn of 2009. Since that time I have been living as Michelle full-time and have been legally recognised as a woman since November 2011. I have never once had any regrets or questioned the wisdom of the decision I made about my future at that meeting.

Fortunately I had no difficulty in convincing my therapist that I was suffering from gender dysphoria and quickly prescribed testosterone blockers before my body had fully developed as a male. Thus my facial features and shoulders and limbs were all quite passable. It took a few more months before I was prescribed oestrogen, but now after a few years of taking them I now have a pair of normal looking breasts and smooth skin.

Sarah fully recovered her dancing skills in time for the New Year ball of 2010. She danced with Rob and I even managed to get Richard up to a reasonable standard to dance the final waltz together. Sarah ended up taking responsibility for dancing nearly a third of the videos and Sonia the remaining sixth. The series proved to be a great success and our members received many invitations to give further demonstrations, some of which I accepted.

These days I often ask Sonia to take my place as she is equally capable. In fact Alan and Sonia are planning to go professional soon and should do well as a couple. In the meanwhile Chloe and I proposed a series of EDM dance videos involving myself and a number of young dancers we discovered in the clubs. These are also doing fairly well, and have contributed to my earnings.

I have continued to work for Rob and Sarah and have remained friends with Helen. In fact the business has done very well over the last few years. Richard and I often go clubbing together regularly, but that is as much as I am willing to say on that subject.

Thanks again to Bronwen for editing and to everyone who has commented, kudoed or sent me a personal message. Please feel free to add any further comments if you wish. Louise