In the not too distant future, evolution has taken humanity down a different path. In a society where gender is controlled with numbers, one young man finds that being evolved might not be such a good thing.
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Author's Note:Here's Ch.4. Like I mentioned last week, this will probably be the last update on this story for about a week or so. Don't expect a chapter next week sadly. I'll try to find some time to write 5 but it might be two weeks or so before I get to it :( So no lynching me for the nasty cliffhanger at the end of this one :P I'd like to thank djkauf for the editing and my beta readers for their great help.
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4:
“You’re going to wear that?” asked my sister from behind.
I was standing in front of my mirror, putting on my only good shirt.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“Didn’t you wear that to her sister’s funeral?”
Wake, but yeah she had a point. I sighed as I stopped buttoning it. I was already nervous enough; I didn’t need my picky little sister to add to it. Carrie let out a sigh of her own before coming into the room. Without asking, she started for my virtual closet, scrolling through my collection. I could see the disgust on her face already. She started to grumble, systematically rejecting shirt after shirt as she stopped on them for a moment. It took her only a few moments to go through what I had to offer and clearly, she wasn’t the least bit satisfied.
“You’re hopeless,” she said, shoving me aside as she made her way to my wall vid.
I watched with interest as she brought up the GAP, groaning a bit as I realized what she was doing. I wanted to protest but I realized it was futile. Like my mother, once Carrie set her mind to something there was no stopping her. So if she thought my wardrobe was crap, and apparently she did, I couldn’t stop her from correcting the issue. I learned a long time ago to just go with the flow with the women in my family.
The flow was currently leading me to a really nice blue dress shirt and designer jeans.
An expensive shirt and jeans.
“I can’t afford that”.
“This one is on me, bro,” she said, whipping out her cred chip and sticking it into the wall slot. “After all, Mom told me to spend my money on a worthy cause.”
I watched as my sister quickly burned through her weekly allowance and then some.
I made a mental note to pay her back.
When she was done, a buzzing sounded from downstairs.
“Be right back” she said as she ran out of the room.
Shopping was completely different now that everything was done virtually. Whereas in the past you would have to go to a store and spend hours trying on clothes, now everything was automated. You could shop right from your own bedroom and have the clothes you ordered delivered in mere seconds. It was amazing some of the innovations of the future brought us.
Grandpa said it always used to floor him how simple things were now.
A moment later, Carrie came running back into the room carrying a silver wrapped packet with GAP printed all over it.
“You can thank me later,” she said, tossing it at me before leaving.
I stared at the package in my hand for several seconds, trying to decide the best course of action. It was hard not to trust Carrie’s fashion sense. However, I couldn’t help but think she was setting me up for something too. Though she looked like an eight year old, she was one of the brightest and most devious little brats I’d ever seen. Sure, this package could contain exactly what she appeared to order for me or it could be an elaborate trap. I could open it and it could be a paint bomb or something just as mischievous. Last year when Dad turned forty, she had given him a box, which in all likelihood should have contained a mug. Except when he opened it, there was a loud sonic box in there. Dad said he still had ringing in his ears.
That little stunt had earned her a nice grounding.
It only lasted two days.
Carrie managed to weasel her way out of it.
Dad always was a softie for her.
After several more seconds, I decided the risk was worth it. After all, like she pointed out, I really didn’t know what I was doing.
I braced myself as I tore into the package, expecting anything. I was marginally surprised when I found the designer shirt and jeans she bought for me. I took them out of package, laying them gently on my bed. As I did, I noticed another package fall out. It was wrapped in black, almost like an envelope. I picked it up and opened it slowly. I groaned as soon as I saw what was inside: a pair of sheer, black panties.
Pip. “Just in case you know. Hey, I’ve always wanted a sister.”
Then her laughter.
So it was one of those pranks.
I made a quick mental note to get her back later.
I quickly disrobed. I wanted to get going as quick as I could. Mads and I weren’t supposed to meet up for another hour but it didn’t hurt to be a tad earlier. When I was down to my boxers, I couldn’t help but notice something felt off. It almost looked as if the hair on my legs looked lighter and less dense than it did yesterday. I reached down and touched my left leg. It didn’t feel any different. Maybe it was just my imagination. Maybe it was more fear, though.
Last night’s conversation with Joe didn’t settle well with me.
It was really rare for a manifestation to take this long. The media was running wild with it, too. All of them had their theories of course, most of them were bullshit. The only thing they were doing was making guys like me run even more scared. It didn’t help this morning when I woke to the same. They were even debating shutting school down Monday for fear that there might not be enough students attending to keep the doors open. That bit I didn’t mind actually. I tried to convince myself there was nothing to worry about. Every time I did though, I couldn’t help but itch my hand more.
The itch had gotten worse too.
The rash too.
Mom noticed it last night when she came home. I was in the living room reading over the manual Sergeant Phillips had sent. I was sitting on the couch when she came through the door. It was when she came over to kiss my forehead that she saw my hand. She paused for a moment then frowned. She tried to play dumb, of course, then concerned. She did neither really well. She wanted me to go to a Med Center today to get it checked out but after I told her my plans, she got really excited. She practically gushed about the date. She was happy about the whole Sentinel thing too---even if that was fake happiness. She said she’d try to be here to see me off. She wasn’t but I didn’t hold out any hope that she might be.
Thinking about everything made it worse.
As I redressed, I tried to think of other things.
Mainly what my afternoon held.
First, it was the Vid with Maddie. We picked one of the more popular movies to go to. A lot of kids at school had already seen it and the reviews were pretty good. I really wanted to have lunch afterwards, but sadly, I had to go to the Sentinel Center. SC was the Sentinel headquarters. Last night right before turning in for the night, I got a quick message from the Sergeant. Apparently, he wanted to know if I would be free in the late afternoon so he could give me a tour of the facilities.
I’m not sure what excited me more.
The Date.
Or the Tour.
Why was I so nervous, I shouldn’t have been nervous.
Hell, I don’t get nervous.
Ok, so not true but this was Maddie after all. Sure, she was the girl I’d been crushing on for a few years now but we were friends, too. I’m not sure what was going to happen by the end of today but no matter what I’d still be her friend. If this didn’t work, it didn’t work. I wasn’t like Ted. Sure, I liked her a lot but I wasn’t going to get bent out of shape if this didn’t pull through. Of course, I wanted it to work; I’d be a liar if I didn’t say otherwise.
It has to work.
I tried to take my mind off the date as the tram meandered through the tunnels. Looking out the window didn’t help matters in the least, though. There was nothing but dull gray walls as they zipped by in a blur. Occasionally the dull gray was replaced by the blur of neon light but it was rare. I tried to imagine what things must have been like back in the day. My grandfather said when he was a boy; there were trees everywhere. There were birds too, and insects buzzing about. We still had those things, of course, but it was in a more controlled environment. Trees were in the designated park zones. Birds and insects were synthetic like our pets.
It was for sanitation.
It was also about order.
There was a reason a lot of people called the government, “The System”.
The world was like a computer now. The System controlled every aspect of our lives and like good programs we fell in line.
It wasn’t perfect and it definitely wasn’t living.
But it was life.
Whether we liked it or not.
Thinking about what could have been just made me even more depressed. But thinking about the now was making me nervous.
Damn.
I just couldn’t win.
“Nervous”
Joe pipped in my ear.
I groaned. Why in the hell did I tell him about the date to begin with?
“Don’t you have something better to do?”
“Not really”
Usually Joe, Ted and I spent our weekends browsing through the Net at one of our places or playing some new Vid game. Now that Ted was mad at me though, our friendship was strained. Sure, if not for the date, I would have still hung out with Joe but Ted was being a dick. He seemed to be convinced that Joe was in on this whole thing too. So Joe was just as guilty as I was.
Ted could be a real ass at times.
“So you decided to bug me?”
“I’m bored”
I was too but I wasn’t about to admit that.
“You could always pip Ted.”
“He’s not answering.”
“What about Greg or some of your other Net friends?”
Ted and I weren’t Joe’s only friends.
Joe had a gaggle of cyber geeks he hung out with on a regular basis. The only one he ever talked about was Greg, though. Greg was already career placed, an intern at one of the other Zone Com Labs. Joe had never met him but talked about him a lot. In fact, Joe had never met any of them. That’s why Ted and I started to refer to them as his Net friends. They were all Tech Heads like Joe and like Joe; they seemed to live in their own little world.
“They’re off fighting the powers that be”
That was Joe geek talk for his friends weren’t available.
“And so now you’re bugging me.”
“Not bugging just enquiring after your well being.”
I sighed. “Yes I’m nervous. Are you happy now?”
“Really? What’s there to be nervous about?”
I was about to answer when a wave of nausea swept through me. I felt a little lightheaded too. I gripped the seat and let it pass. I’d been feeling this way all morning, actually. It would come and go though. I was chalking it up to nerves. I mean what else could it be. It’s possible it was connected to the rash on my hand but I’d never heard of allergies making you sick too.
“You ok, your vitals went a little wonky there?”
There was genuine concern in Joe’s voice.
I groaned. “Joe, have you hacked my Bio again?”
Joe had this annoying habit of hacking into other people’s Bios. He didn’t do anything bad; he just liked to show off his skill. He was a pretty decent hacker. Hacking into a Bio wasn’t illegal per se, unless of course you did something malicious. There were some pretty nasty Bio Hacks out there. The things that these people could do was pretty sick. A few years ago, a teenager like me had her Bio hacked. The perpetrator was a young hacker in her grade, someone who claimed to be the product of bullying. The girl---who the Vids never named---was a real bitch to him. So he hacked her Bio and tweaked her metabolism. Once a thin girl, the after pictures were pretty startling.
That was a mild hack too.
Some of the other stuff, not so much.
Thankfully, there were now measures in place to stop things like that.
Joe just knew some of the back doors.
“I’ve been in all ours lately. This Manifestation shit is really scary. I’m just looking out for you buddy.”
“Thanks”
Joe was silent for a moment. “Yeah about that…”
Whatever he was about to say was lost in the drone of the Tram conductor. The electronic voice overrode his pip.
“ALL PASSENGERS, WE HAVE REACHED YOUR DESTINATION”
“Joe, I’m here. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Wait Ben…there’s something wrong….”
“Tell me about it later.”
I severed the connection.
I’m sure he had something long and boring to tell me. Whatever it was it could wait until after my date.
My date.
The nerves started again.
A pip sounded in my ear but I ignored it.
I knew who it was.
I didn’t want him psyching me out anymore.
It was just a shame there was no way to shut off the stupid Bios. Sure, they were really cool most of the time but sometimes you just wanted privacy. With a Bio though, anyone could reach you at any time. Then there was the whole scanning thing. Lots of places had Bio checkpoints set up. Small boxes—sometimes with attendants---that would scan every person as they stepped through. Any abnormalities set off an alarm. If an alarm sounded when you passed through a checkpoint, the rule was to stay calm and wait for the proper authorities.
Then the Silvers swarmed you.
That’s what we called the authorities. Thus named because of the ridiculous silver jackets they all wore.
I couldn’t help but shudder when thinking about being one.
It was a possible life for me if I washed out.
Not happening.
Ever.
“ALL PASSENGERS PLEASE DEPART”
I nearly jumped at the voice in my ear.
See what I mean about privacy.
I sighed heavily, slowly getting out my seat. I stepped aside to allow the old woman behind me to pass before following her out of the tram. In a mass of people, we flooded out onto the tunnel platform. Up ahead, I saw the scanner. Our mass formed into a single file as we slowly made our way toward it. The old woman in front of me gave the box a weary look before she passed on through. She sighed when the alarm didn’t go off. A lot of the times, the elderly set off the alarms. I’m not sure if was their Bios failing, their vitals failing or if it was any number of stims they were on.
Regardless she passed through without a problem.
I took a deep breath when it was my turn.
I’d been feeling a little off all day so I couldn’t help but wonder if I had a cold. If I did and the alarm went off like it sometimes did, I’d be pulled aside. One of those arms would give me a thorough scan then an injection. The viral stim would last until I got a med facility. Of course, I would have to go right away but there was no way I wasn’t going to let something as little as a cold ruin my date with Maddie.
“One moment” said a voice as the scanner passed over me.
This only took a few secs.
They must have detected a fluctuation in my normal pattern.
“I’ve got a bit of a cold I think,” I said.
I felt the prick as something jabbed into my upper arm. Flinching in surprise, I never noticed the arm as it pulled away.
“Make sure you get to a Med center as soon as possible”
I nodded, passing through without further incident.
I walked up the stairs leading into the Mall station.
I think a little rundown of the Metro might be in order now that I’m here. There were several major metropolitan areas in the country, five on the east coast alone. These Metros were broken up into Zones, each had six. I lived in Zone 3. They were all centered around the Cube, blocked off into sections. The only way to pass through each Metro was through the tunnels. Most people used the tram but there were transpo tunnels for cars as well. The mall was in Zone 6. At one time---according to history class---the country had lots of cities and towns. After the XY plague though, the world had a huge upheaval. When the System started to control things, cities became obsolete as the population was smaller than it had ever been.
So the Metros were created.
Then the Zones.
It was all about population control.
Depending on who you were and your occupation, you lived in certain Zones. Maddie, Ted and I were in Zone 3, of course, because our fathers worked in the Engineering Sector. Joe lived in Zone 4 because his parents were in Industrial.
I’m not sure how he turned into a Techie.
Usually Zonies didn’t interact with one another unless we went to the same school. Zones 3 and 4 were together for instance because we were the smallest. Most Zones actually had their own schools. It might seem a little strange to an outsider but it was our way of life.
Whether we liked it or not.
I tried to look like I fit in with the throngs of people zipping around me. Zone Six was all Commercial. It was also the only zone that didn’t actually have anyone living in it.
There were no other businesses in Zone 6 though.
It was all the mall.
It was a large one, too. Over four stories high and claimed to be the most comprehensive shopping center on the East coast. Some of the bigger Metros boasted about having bigger malls but very few could top ours. I’m not sure if that was something to be proud of or not. I’m not even sure why it was needed anymore. Most people did their shopping via their wall Vid screens these days. I guess it was just one of those hold outs. Like movie theaters and restaurants. Man was a social animal after all and to take that away what would that make us. Less than human I suppose.
Like me.
I tried to get my bearings as soon as I stepped out the Zone 3 station.
Already there were tons of people making me really nervous. I hated Z6 for this reason. There were always too many people.
To make matter worse, I couldn’t see Maddie in the crowd at all.
We had agreed to meet at the station but she was either late, I was early or she was swallowed up by all the throngs of idiots around me.
Sighing, I tapped below my ear.
“Bio, display HUD”
A second later, a holographic heads-up-display formed around my head. Looking like a see through motorcycle helmet, the HUD was a feature added to the Bios a few years back. It was a rather convenient way to find whatever it was you were looking for. Like most Bio apps, there were a lot of features you could add to it as well. Mine was a simple as simple could be though. It had several area maps and a Bio locator.
It was all I needed.
“Zone Six” I said, watching as the hologram changed from a featureless screen.
Before me, the map sprang to life, filling in the detail quickly.
The whole of the Zone was laid out before me.
“Locate Madison Sanderson Z3-14-05-56”
We were all designated numbers. As far as the System was concerned, that’s all we really were. It was a little complicated at first to grasp but once you got the hang of it, it was pretty easy. For instance, my number was Z3-14-03-49. Z3 was Zone 3 of course. 14 was my age, 03 designated my standing in the family and 49 was my address. Each year of course the age number would change and when I got old enough, the address would change. When I got married, my designation number would become 01 as well. It was just another one of those little ways that the System could keep track of us.
A blinking green light appeared on my map.
It was moving toward me.
I smiled. “HUD off”
The holographic helmet disappeared.
Gods, I hated those things.
I smiled as Maddie came into view a few moments later. I’m not sure what her dress was made out of, but it shimmered when the light caught it. Her hair was pink today to match it as well. I took a deep breath, feeling the tingling of my nerves coming back. I tried not to think about it but it didn’t seem to help much. In fact, the tingling was a little more intense than before. It was also started to get a little hot, too.
Too hot.
I reached to undo my top button when everything seemed to feel a little heavy.
The room started to sway a little.
Then spin.
“Ben?”
Was someone talking to me?
I tried to focus but everything became a blur.
I heard someone scream though.
Was that Maddie?
I toppled to the ground, ending up on my knees. Everything was hot and spinning. Someone was there next to me, trying to help me up. I looked up to see their face and saw the absolute look of horror on it.
It was the last thing I saw before darkness.
Author’s note: As I’m sure all of you know, comments are life blood to an author. I’m not begging or demanding, but I certainly would appreciate anything you have to say (or ask). It doesn’t have to be long and involved, just give me your reaction to the story. Thanks in advance...EOF
Comments
cliffhangers ...
boy, what a place to leave us hanging ...
Yeah LOL
I did try to write Ch.5 but I got real busy real fast. Here's hoping I find some time to write some of it before the week is out :)
I dislike
...cliffhangers. I am really enjoying this story. I hope ch5 is not too far away (though I understand how real life gets in the way)
Joanna
Ch.5
I have a total of 3 lines written for Ch.5, two of which are "Beep" lol.
Unusual Clownfish Pt 3
I very much enjoyed your description of this society. I've decided it might be a great place to read about but I wouldn't want to live there. For example, shopping on line might be quick and easy but where's the fun of trying things on just because??
An interesting society that you've created here.
Sounds like a interesting place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. And now the real fun begins. Just what will our protagonist be changing into? An Alpha? Or something else completely different? About the only thing that is fairly certain is that Ben is soon to be looking at life from the opposite side of the gender divide. (This is a TG story site after all) Great writing EoF. I'm enjoying reading this story and hope that things will slow down a bit for you in real life so that you can get back writing the next chapter.
Hugs,
Tamara Jeanne
This World
I thought about putting it in the present but there were things I wanted to do that just didn't fit. Instead of going the route so many others have done...alternate existence or what not...I decided on a not-too-distant future.This allows me to go all Sci-fi and do this really cool Logan's Run/Hunger Games type of thing I've been wanting to do for a while now :)
Hmm..
I think that was generally a pretty good use of dynamic tension where the reader knew what was about to happen, but Ben didn't (or ... was in denial at least).
I think ... I might have tried to ratchet up the foreground tension (the impending date) a bit more. Mind you, I'm not really sure how, nor am I sure how to translate that observation to my own writing. The basic structure of the hero concentrating on the obvious thing, while missing a background element that the audience can see coming is a classic. I personally tend to write much more straight forward stuff. The idea of actually having two layers of tension (or more) in the narrative, pulling the reader in different directions is something I can see in the abstract, but ... not so much when I'm trying to write.
I think I'd have to actually plot something like that intentionally to be able to work it in at all.
Hmm.... I'll have to think about that.
I can't say as the cliffhanger surprised me ... but I am fairly familiar with your writing cadence ;)
Good chapter, and an interesting example of a writing technique I should try to figure out how to do.
Cliffhangers
I have been called the Cliffhanger King by many :)
I don't know
what to say. I really want to see what happens next, but I'll have to be patient and wait.
Sigh!
hugs
Grover
I have a couple ideas why the manifestation is taking so long
And not just that our author is torturing us.
--GRIN --
It seems obvious, unless it is a HUGE red herring, that Ted was the intended *manifestation*.
But Ben was accidently infected with the virus and/or nanites.
But as they were tailored to Ted they took longer to alter Ben. Or he did not get a full dose in the confusion of the party and confrontation.
That or there is divide within the ranks of the Alphas and this murder and manifestation were not authorized.
IE this is a rogue operation?
The last possibility I can think of is there is something unusual about Ben's biology.
Remember the title is The UNUSUAL Clownfish. Unusual because this is a man-made *spontaneous* sex change or that her's will be different than all the previous ones...IE she will be the first Alpha Plus or New Human?
Will SHE be the first Alpha who can have children with any other human, including Alpha's?
I hope her being in a public place and with Maddie protects her from the nasties who set all this in motion.
Seems time the lid was blow of this corrupt government/society.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Corrupt John?
Just ask anyone! It's perfect! Do I dare say... Everything is AWESOME! :)
Hugs
Grover
PS: You'll have to see the Lego Movie to understand the reference, but it is scary how much it fits.
Unusual
Why she will be "unusual" will be touched on :)
Still enjoying
Yes. I was wondering though about the city structure and population, so enclosed and restricted that nature is confined to parks. Did mankind breed itself to a crowded mass again after the XY plague?
Surprising too that we haven't seen anyone monitoring Ben to see what would happen, I suppose bio data means nobody has to tail him.
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."
Society
There is something outside the cities...some kind of wilderness. I'll touch on that in a future chapter. These Metros and Zones are to keep things orderly, confined and controlled.
Ah.
That was sort of rolling around in my head (plenty of spare space and wilderness in there) I look forward to more of the plot :)
Teri Ann
"Reach for the sun."
"some kind of wilderness"
Is it separated from the metros and zones by an electric fence that isn't always on, and is it illegal to hunt there? :PPPP
The Metros
People are not allowed to venture out of the Metros on their own. There are Trams that connect the Metro for easy and convenient travel.
awesome story so far.
Awesome story so far as for the cliffhanger well it's you,your bad about them but still. Holds up rope just incase someone else wants to lynch ya I'm use to the cliffhangers ;).
LOL
Hail to the King, Baby :P
Another cliffhanger
Another cliffhanger from enemyoffun! ^_^
And it looks like our protagonists transformation may be starting soon. Can't help, but feel sorry for him. I'll be interested to see just what the life of an Alpha is like, but if they title is any indication I'm guessing 'he' may not be your average alpha. Only time will, tell...
Have delightfully devious day,
An Alpha's Life
I have some pretty fun ideas for it. I guess you'll have to wait and see :)
Loving it
Awesome stuff! Keen for more :D
Thanks
All caught up and outstanding EOF.
I like your writing but I' not a retcon fan or that much into horror but this, this is great SF with a good world built twist.
This, this is wonderful.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey Summers
Phew
And there it is. The big event. Well, I'm certainly glad I have more to read, so I'm going to go do that.
Your cliffhangers have no power here! Muhahaha
-Tas
come on.
not even a chance for a good date? hihihi.. poor Benjy.
Trying to get me hooked on
Trying to get me hooked on another of your stories?
It worked! : )
alissa