In which a superhero meets his match, masks are uncovered and a mad scientist just tries to get some mad science-ing done without getting distracted by the antics of her magical minion.

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Drip. Drip. Drip.

Diane watched the fluid slowly work its way down the IV, counting the seconds it took for the drop to form and fall. It was what passed for entertainment around here.

She hated hospitals. Hated, hated, hated them. Hated the smell, hated the sterile white of the walls, hated the scratchy texture of the blankets. Hated that she was going to die in this miserable place.

Diane closed her eyes, wishing she hadn’t collapsed in full view of an entire party. If she’d had her little episode in private, she could have gone on with her life, or what was left of it. Now they’d only let her discharge if she preferred to spend her last days at home, but of course, she didn’t have one.

She frowned, snuggling deeper into the blanket. When had the room gotten so cold? She exhaled, and her breath fogged the air. What the…?

There was the sound of heavy footfalls, the swish of fabric… and then a woman sat down at Diane’s bedside, crossing her heavily armored legs.

Diane’s lips parted in shocked recognition.

The woman’s eyes were hidden beneath far too large goggles, wild black hair framing a tan face. Her body was covered in formfitting tech armor, emitting a low hum, and her cape was made of semi-transparent glass fiber arranged in a subtly glowing ice crystal pattern.

“Cinder Snow,” Diane greeted her, as if infamously ruthless supervillains strolling into her hospital room were a common occurrence.

The villain’s lips curved into a small smile. “You don’t sound afraid.”

“Well, what are you going to do — kill me?” she asked with just a hint of bitterness. “Nature’s way ahead of you there.”

Cinder Snow laughed, the sound high-pitched and trilling. Diane was instantly convinced she practiced that — no one had an evil laugh like that naturally. “True. I’m not here to kill you. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

She leaned forward, an excited grin on her face.

“Diane Cole. How would you like to advance the cause of science?”


***


The flower was beautiful, its red petals folding and unfurling in a fascinating synchronized dance.

Le fleur de sang; that’s what Snow had called it. The bloodflower, said to cure any disease or injury. What exactly a mad scientist was doing with a magic flower was a bit of a mystery to Diane, but if it was going to help her survive, she wasn’t going to question it.

Not that her survival was a sure thing, Snow had made that quite clear. Apparently her last test subject had ended up a vegetable. In more ways than one.

Ethically questionable human experiments with a woman who, quite frankly, did seem a bit deficient in the marble department? Diane was your girl. Even if everything went horrifically wrong, she’d at least have tried. It beat rotting in a hospital bed.

Diane had been diagnosed early in life and had resigned herself to a young death. And by resigned she meant that she had made life her bitch, squeezing every last drop of pleasure from it. She’d dropped out of school — what point was there to a formal education when she’d never reap its benefits? — and set out go experience absolutely everything life had to offer. And if she’d occasionally stolen and lied and embezzled to finance her lifestyle — who could blame her? The moral high ground was for the not terminally ill.

She reached out, fingertips almost brushing the petals. They looked so soft.

“No touching!” Snow barked, and Diane reluctantly withdrew her hand. “Honestly. Every time…”

The villainess sighed and adjusted her glasses, peering at her holo-clipboard. “We cannot risk contamination before the splicing process has begun. Contact must be kept to a minimum or the mere exposure to the ethereal field around the artifact will begin the healing process, which will lead to complications further down the line. The bonding process must be initiated before significant alterations to your DNA have been made, to allow the garble to flux the chromosomal structure…”

Diane stared blankly. Cinder Snow sighed.

“I will combine your DNA with the flower and I need you to keep a distance before the process starts.”

“Oh. Okay.”


***


It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

Diane screamed when the vines burrowed under her skin.


***


Diary of a Mad Scientist


Day 1

Have located promising new test subject. Genetic defect, incurable, currently on a sharp decline. Hope she does not scream as much as the last one did.


Day 2

Have successfully established contact. Subject signed consent form within 5 minutes. Have never met a subject this eager.

Did not even need to threaten loved ones.


Day 5

Preparations are complete. Subject continues to cooperate most delightfully, though the poor thing is not very bright. Tried to explain what I was doing and why she should not risk cross contamination, but she just stared. Said “I will put the magic thingy inside of you. No touching.” and then she nodded.


Day 6

Success! Subject did scream less than previous ones. My ears are very grateful. Subject looks magnificent, perfectly blending her old appearance with floral features. Still unconscious, though.


Day 9

Subject has awoken!

Mental faculties appear undamaged, yet not improved either. Sad. Poor girl will have to go through life with what little she has. Subject seems pleased enough. Spent the day running through the lab, laughing madly. When asked what she was doing, responded with: “I can run without fainting!” Could not catch her to do further tests.


Day 9 addendum

Subject grew lethargic, complaining of hunger. Ate food eagerly, but threw it all up shortly after. A quick body scan revealed a lack of a digestive system. Gave her water, which she kept down. Subject still hungry, but went to sleep.


Day 10

Subject has not woken up. Am worried.


Day 11

Left underground lair and carried subject into sunlight. She woke up after 6 hours of sunbathing. Appears undamaged by the experience.


Day 16

Have determined that subject needs at least 2 hours sunlight a day, more if she uses her power. Underground lair not conductive to research. Will move. Subject has objected strenuously to my volcano base. Underwater lair likewise not feasible.


Day 18

Have set up temporary lair. Not pleased by quality of base, but it’s Paragon — market value of villain lairs extremely high. Subject has expressed desire for codename of her own. Continues to display remarkable moral flexibility. Have suggested “Dionaea Muscipula”, to match her civilian name. She seems taken with the idea, shortening it to just Dionaea.


Day 20

Asked Dionaea to synthesize a variety of plant-based substances. Nothing seems beyond her ability. Cheap source of all manner of drugs? Will test more.


Day 26

Dionaea left the lair today. Was on verge of setting everything on fire, but she returned with money. Said she wanted to stretch her vines. She smiled sweetly. Could not stay angry.


Day 30

Gave Dionaea a chemical today, said it was the cure for the common cold. She nodded and set about to replicating it.

Produced an altered substance. It really does cure the cold. Am stumped.


Day 38

Dionaea continues to go out from time to time, returning with gifts and money. Lots of money. Reminds me of a cat dragging home dead birds. Believe it is her way of showing affection.

Am growing quite fond of her as well. Asked her to call me Amelia.


Day 40

Have made decision. Once the experiments are concluded, will keep Dionaea. She will make a fine minion.


Day 43

My generous offer to make Dionaea my minion went over… poorly. Am still pulling thorns out of my backside.


Day 44

Dionaea walked up to me today and informed she would be staying, not as a minion, but as a colleague. Told me that even though I am “cray-cray”, she thinks I am “entertaining” and then mumbled something about being the best friend she’s ever had.

Am strangely touched.

Still want that minion though.


Day 57

My blood pressure has normalized, through no intervention of my own. Did an extensive health check — am in perfect condition! Do not even have scars any more.

Have always avoided touching Diane, but just being in her vicinity appears to have a healing effect. Interesting.


Day 61

Have confirmed — any drug produced by Diane retains her healing properties. The guards she knocks out during her bank heists are quite lucky — she probably gives them decades of additional lifespan.

The process is entirely subconscious.

Wonder just how much body modification she is capable of.


Day 132

Diane came home subdued today after she had left for a club. Contemplated asking her what’s wrong, but settled on patting her back. Am certain she got my message.


Day 133

Diane back in good spirits today. Walked up to me and presented me with a small earpiece, asking if I could hack into the frequency it used. An insulting question, really, I was hacking devices in kindergarten.


Day 135

Found off switch on the voodoo doll. Diane must never know.