The life of a physicist can be troubling, at times, as the universe doesn't always play well with others.

But even the universe can't break a true promise.

---

Brett finished listening to my tale, "So, the mystery event on the bridge came first, right?"

I nodded. "Yes."

Brett sighed. "But you won't give me any details about it."

I shook my head. "No, I can't, Brett."

"I can see that this part is rough on you. I don't mean to hurt you, though."

"I know... "

Brett looked at the floor. "After the bridge event, you and I spend years developing technology based on it. Something you called trip? That somehow violates the information propagation bits of relativity, allowing for instant communication across distances. What kind of distances are we talking about, by the way?"

"TRIIP, T R I I P, and the best test case we've tried so far is the moon, which gives us a few light-seconds to play with."

Brett looked a bit surprised at that. "And then one day there's a problem at the base, the machine has been stuck on, and you suspect that someone went through whatever process sent you here a couple hours before you did, and that he may have had a weaponized version of our work may be somewhere out there?"

I nodded. "Sounds like you've got the basics."

Brett asked worriedly. "And you don't know what this device will do?"

"No, I don't have the slightest idea."

Brett thought for a few minutes. "Look, I really don't have enough to go on to tell the DOD anything yet, but if those power drains you were talking about start happening, I'll have to tell them what I can. Including your time travel."

I put my arms around Brett. "It gets worse. If it starts happening you'll need them to include me on the team locating it."

Brett gasped at that. "Why would I do that, Tara?"

"Because I'm the foremost expert on the planet in the technology it's based off of."

Brett frowned. "But that also means you're the most valuable person, and we need to keep you safe."

"Look, if something happens and there's a chance to stop it, you're going to need my knowledge on-site. It's not like I can train someone else to do this stuff. Think hard about it for a bit. Who would the DOD call on locally when it comes to high energy particle physics?"

Brett thought for a second. "Well... Tedd and myself."

"And I have all of Tedd's knowledge plus all the stuff related to this issue that he doesn't have yet. I couldn't even teach you everything I know about it because the math for it doesn't exist yet and some of it's a tad out of my league on the purely theoretical portions. I was far better with the applications end."

***

I woke up in Brett's bed again. A heavy morning like yesterday calls for a few spirts in the evening. But this time around I feel much better about it. I still head to the bathroom, but not to cry. Just to clean up. I've got a much better sense of self these days.

I am Tara. I used to be Tedd, but Tedd no longer defines me. I still love my wife but Brett satisfies me physically in a way I really can't find words to describe. And I'm okay with this, now. I know what my heart desires, and I know what my body desires. I'm now comfortable with these being different to some degree.

And I can't really live my life currently if I'm constantly defining it in terms of the past that's ahead or the future I've already watched. Living in the now seems to be the only way through.

And right now Tara is here. So that's who I'm going to be. I'm going to be the best damned Tara I can be.

But first I'm going to get some coffee.

***

A few weeks later I start working on my next trip for the group. This time around I think we're all going to get SCUBA certified and spend a weekend in the water. I tell Carol that I only have 2 real reasons for this. The first is Tedd needs some sun. And the second is that I look good in a bikini.

Carol laughed. "Oh god, it's still so weird to have my soulmate say something like that and mean it. Or we could try to get Tedd into the bikini."

I blushed very deeply.

Carol laughed harder. "Oh no, I managed to do it didn't I? How bad is it?

"All I'm going to say is that there was some unpleasantness but the reconciliation that night was amazing."

***

All went well on the underwater trip, had an amazing time. Though I do have to admit the diving suits feel and look so much better on my body these days.

But, as with all good things, our subsurface adventure had to come to an end. We were sitting as a group at a little diner on the road to home.

"Oh god, that was wonderful. I swear, being under the water is like being on a totally different planet. There are so many strange and beautiful things to see under the water." says a tired but happy Carol.

Brett chimes in on that one. "There's actually a fair group of people who say that we should worry less about space travel until we've tackled the mysteries of our own oceans."

Tedd, of course, shares my response. "It's more a matter of engineering issues. It's far easier to build craft which can protect against the vacuum pressures of space than it is to build deep sea vessels. It's almost scary but it's basically easier to have half a dozen people floating around 90 miles up safely than it is to have the same number of people more than a mile below the surface. At some of the greater depths the pressure of the water is so much that a typical nuclear submarine would be reduced to the size of roughly a volleyball."

I smiled. "Very true, but just because it's difficult, doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. It was only 60 some years from first manned flight to first man on the moon. Difficult and impossible are just terms that mean 'we can not do it yet' or 'we lack the impetus to fund this'. It's a real shame how much science goes unexperimented on just because some guy in a stuffed suit can't see how to make a quick buck off of it. The ocean depths are a prime example. Now, I don't remember if this is true but I seem to remember hearing it from a believable source. But there is one type of whale that can submerge to I think beyond a mile into the ocean. Now, that sounds impressive, until you hear the other part."

Carol bites at the hook "What other part?"

"That when it returns the surface after these deep dives, sometimes they are covered in wounds, large wounds, the type that you'd get if a giant squid, I mean like airliner sized squid, were attacking it."

Carol stares. "Now Tara, wouldn't we have found one of them by now if that were true?"

"I can think of a couple of good reasons why we probably haven't. At those depths if it were to sink when it died it would find itself crushed or laying on the ocean floor where we really can't observe on a fine basis, or the lack of pressure as it rises could rip it apart. Plus there could be creatures that would eat the remains long before it reached the surface. And we have come across some rather large squids, so we know that 10 or 15 feet long isn't impossible, it's just a matter of upward scale."

Brett laughs. "Okay, yanno it's probably best we saved this discussion until after we had been on our little excursion. I don't know that you'd have gotten me to spend all that time underwater with this talk of giant squids."

I smiled at him. "Oh, there's plenty of other wonders to make up for it, some of which you can find just by going to beaches. Our oceans are full of interesting things. Several times there have been well documented bio-luminescent algae blooms come up to beaches. Some of the images of beaches with the waters glowing at night are amazing, sort of like an aurora of the water."

"That sounds like quite a sight to see." Tedd says.

"Oh, it is, but then there's the flip side. I think I remember that there's basically a loose 'island' in the pacific, a floating island."

Carol asks "Floating island?"

"A giant gathering of floating plastic and other floating garbage that has all grouped up with other ocean garbage. I've heard it described as a work natural art that's a testament to how badly we're treating the planet."

"That sounds awful!" Carol gasps.

"I think just spreading knowledge of this is a good start. The more people understand both the beautiful and the ugly of our planet, the more people should desire to protect it. You never know when something new will come along to threaten the world and end things sooner rather than later, so we need to do what we can now."

I look over at Brett and I can see the concern in his eyes. He knows that was a bit of a reference to the device. Things could end much sooner than we know.

After we finish our meal we make the rest of the way back to our houses.

Once we're home Brett and I continue talking.

He looks at me, sitting on the couch. "Tara, I could see it in your face when we were discussing things earlier. There was a bit too much... you in the comment about how we may not have much time left. Something happens, doesn't it?"

"I.. I really don't want to talk about this." I'm sort of biting my lower lip trying to keep myself from showing any giveaway emotional stuff.

"Tara, I've known you for years and years. You can tell me anything."

"Brett, some things just shouldn't be discussed."

"Tara, I can tell you're holding something important back. I almost get this sense that you want to tell me but you're holding out to try and protect me."

I looked at him, feeling the start of tears in my eyes. "Is protecting you a bad thing?"

"Damnit, Tara, I know all of this future knowledge is a burden, but we don't even know if it's going to happen exactly the same way. For all we know things may have changed already!"

"Tara... talk to me. Please."

"Brett... I can't..."

"Okay, then I'm going to bed."

He wanders off to his room.

Which is probably best. Things are starting to get confusing in my head. And not even all of the time travel stuff.

***

Another trip to the salon, another nap. I doubt Carol will ever understand just how much I relax when someone is playing with my hair. I can't even explain it, it just feels to plesant and safe.

We have a bit of a bite to eat and settle in for a nice chat.

"Tara... I need your help."

"What's the matter baby?"

"I think something is wrong with Tedd."

"What do you mean?"

Carol gets this look in here eyes like she's trying to decide how to describe what's on her mind but can't quite find the words that fit.

"Tedd's been a bit extra distant from me lately. Like there's something different. Sometimes he looks at me lately and it's like he's not quite all there."

I sat and tried to remember what was going on with me around this time, but I couldn't quite place it at the moment.

I put my hand on her cheek, lightly. "Whatever it is, I'm sure he's fine."

"I don't know Tara..."

"Carol, you're thinking of something... tell me."

She started looking down at her feet.

"Carol..."

"Tara, I'm not sure how to say this."

"Carol, you can say anything to me, anything. There are things I can't say about some things but anything I can answer I will."

Carol comes over into my side of the booth and leans up against me. I can feel the tenseness in her as she does so. Something has her really on edge.

"Carol, tell me what's wrong."

She pulls a picture from her purse and puts it in front of me. I'm too busy trying to comfort her to look at it right away though.

"I think Tedd's cheating on me."

I blink. "WHAT?"

"I think he's cheating on me with that girl."

"Carol, there's no way he's cheating on you, no matter who the girl in the pict..."

I look at the picture.

I take my hands off Carol and grab the picture in both hands, and hold it close to me. I start laughing. And crying.

Carol looks at me like she's ready to hit me. "Why are you laughing, this is really serious."

"Carol... he's (breath) not cheating on you (laughing breath) with her."

She doesn't look convinced. "How else do you explain that picture, I caught him staring at that at his desk when he didn't notice I was looking, and when I said something he tried to put it out of sight."

She starts getting upset and shouts "Stop laughing!"

I'm too busy laughing and crying and hugging the picture and trying to dance in my seat.

Carol gets really upset and shouts even louder. "Tara dammit stop laughing! This is serious!"

I'm rather forced to get serious when she yells like that. "I thought I'd lost this picture! Oh god thank you I missed this so much."

"What, your lover?"

"What?! No, Carol. Tedd's not cheating on you, he'd never cheat on you... he never did cheat on you."

"But..." she's upset and confused.

"Carol, I can say with 100% certainty that he's not cheating on you with this girl."

"Then what's going on with him?"

"Carol, he's mourning."

She stares, dumbfounded. "Mourning?"

"Yes, mourning."

"But... this doesn't make any sense."

"Carol, this picture, I'm so happy to see a copy of it. I want to keep this one."

"I still don't understand."

"Carol. This woman is my cousin Danielle. She..."

I stop, tears welling up again, but not happy ones this time.

"Tara, what's going on?"

"She... she just died. Again."

I give a small sob and continue.

"Dannie was my younger cousin, a year younger than me. Our birthdays were 3 days apart. Growing up we were always so close. She was a lot like a sister to me, we were always doing things together, and we even would celebrate our birthdays together."

Carol tilts herhead at me. "Tedd's never told me of a cousin Danielle."

I continue. "I... just, after high school we started drifting apart, I'm not sure why, we just didn't seem to talk anymore. There wasn't any fights or anything we just seemed to never catch hold of each other afterwards."

"But, why is he being so secretive about this then."

"When I heard she died... I... I don't know how to explain it. I wanted to be alone. But at the same time I didn't. I wanted to take time off of work, but..."

I sniffled a bit. In hindsight I see one advantage to being a woman. I can be so much more free with my emotions now. Sitting here having the hard memories brought back is a lot easier to deal with now that I'm not under the male pressure to keep these things bottled up.

Carol put her hands on my shoulders. "I'm so sorry. I was just so worried about him. He's been real distant these last few days. I didn't mean to hurt him in any way, or you..."

I lean into her. "It's okay. I can deal with this a bit better now. I got over it once, I'll get over it again. I just didn't realize I still had this much pent up inside since then."

"Tara, I was just so concerned about Tedd, I'm sorry this has turned out to hurt you so much."

"Carol, it'll all be fine. I'll be fine. But you need to go home and get him to open up. Just sit down with him and press him on what's going on. I don't remember why I tried to keep it inside but I remember when you finally got through to me I spent the night in your arms. She meant a lot to me."

"I can do that." She said.

I shake my head emphatically. "No, you need to. Without your pressure I wouldn't go to the funeral. I never would've found out she actually named one of her kids after me."

***

I get home and later that night I'm sitting on the porch with a cup of hot cocoa and looking up at the stars. Brett comes out and I fill him in on the conversation from earlier.

"So, she actually thought Tedd was cheating on her?"

"Yep."

He laughs. "That's so stupid, he'd never do that in a million years. By the way, have you decided on our next adventure?"

"Oh yes, yes. It'll take some training but you guys will love doing it over the next few years."

He's hooked. "What is it?"

I look up into the sky, a bit of an evil look to my eyes.