“Order in the court!”

“Well, it is about time,” said Josephine Bockerrnod. “I am getting hungry. I will have a chocolate ice cream cone with ketchup on it.”

JOSEPHINE BOCKKERNODD
Meets The Judge of Traffic Court

Chapter 3

Supposedly written by Billie Sue Pilgrim
But she still will not admit it
 
 

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Chapter 3
 
That not-so-nice non-intoxicated revooner brought Josephine Bockkernodd into the city courtroom that handled traffic arrests.

“All rise”, said the man with the gun and badge standing by a big ole desk. Josephine saw a lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress come in a side door and go behind the big ole desk that the man with the gun and badge was standing beside of.

She must be going to cook breakfast, thought Josephine. “All Rise Flour” was the name on the bag of flour in the kitchen of the nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen where Josephine Bockkernodd lived — or was it something else?

Everyone had stood up. Now, that was nice — everyone standing for a lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress.

“Hear ye, hear ye, the traffic court of Judge Robert R. Roberts is now in session,” shouted the man with the gun and badge standing by the big ole desk.

The man with the gun and badge standing by the big ole desk must have been hard of hearing, thought Josephine Bockerrnodd. He hollered real loud, so he must not be able to hear hisself talk. That was a shame. Josephine Bockerrnodd could hear just fine.

“Case 11287” said the man with the gun and badge standing by a big ole desk. “The city versus Josephine Bockerrnodd.”

Wasn’t that nice. The man with the gun and badge standing by a big ole desk mentioned verses. They were going to talk about the Bible.

The lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress stared straight at Josephine and said, “You are charged with driving without a license and disorderly conduct. How do you plead?”

Josephine replied, “Oh, if I am just charged with something, I will just pay it with this here Mister Card the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman gave me. I thought this revooner had got me into trouble and that is why I was here.

“Revenuer? Are you a boot legger, too?” asked the lady with no hair who looked like a man wearing a long black dress.

“No ma’am, I don’t wear boots on my legs. I wear ‘em on my pretty feet — See?” as she stuck her feet into the air so the judge could see the boots she wore on her pretty feet.

“No, no”, said the lady with no hair who looked like a man wearing a long black dress. “A boot legger makes corn liquor from a still — and don’t call me ma’am!”

“Well, where I come from dranking that stuff don’t make a person stay still unless they pass out. Now, I knew a man who was out so long they thought he was dead, but that was okay ‘cause he was dead. Now, if he had been alive and everyone thought he was dead, being dead would have been a bad thing, but since he was dead, it was okay to be dead.”

“We are not here to talk about dead people”, screamed the lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress.

“Well, why did you bring it up?” asked Josephine Bockkernodd.

“I didn’t bring it up!” shouted the lady with no hair that looked like a man in a long black dress.

“Well, somebody did,” said Josephine Bockerrnodd.

“You did!” screamed the lady with no hair that looked like a man in a long black dress as a few giggles was heard. “Order in the court”

“Well, it is about time,” said Josephine Bockerrnod. “I am getting hungry. I will have a chocolate ice cream cone with ketchup on it.”

“We are not serving food!” screamed the lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress.

“Well, you said we could order in the court!” replied Josephine Bockkernodd. “Make up your mind. If you are going to cook sumptn’g, hurry. I ain’t ate nutting since the last time I ate sumptn’g”

“I am not going to cook, either!” yelled the lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress.

“Well, the man with the gun and badge standing beside the big ole desk was calling for All Rise Flour,” remarked Josephine Bockkernodd. “I thunk you were gonna make biscuits and gravy.”

The lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress reached up to pull her hair out and discovered that she did not have any hair to pull out.

“This officer states that you were driving without a driver license and you did not conduct yourself in a proper manner, so are you guilty or not guilty?” demanded the lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress.

“This mean ole no-so-nice not-intoxicated revooner took my driver license away from me last week and did not give them back. The nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen gave $500 to get them for me and you all treat me like I am a mean girl,” cried Josephine Bockkernodd. “The nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman even sent $500 to Judge Bob Roberts for something. That is how nice the nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen is to everybody.”

The lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress began to turn red in the face, whose eyes grew large and who appeared to be choking, finally managed to say “Now, this beautiful young girl is evidently innocent because she did not know what she was doing — so, case dismissed. And officer — if you ever bring this sweet, innocent girl into this courtroom, I will have your badge. Now, transport her back home — or store–or wherever she wants to go. That is an order.”

The lady with no hair that looked like a man wearing a long black dress must have seen a nail in her big ole desk ‘cause she hit it with a wooden hammer and left the room so quick that Josephine Bockkernodd wondered if she had seed a ghost or sumptn’g.

Josephine Bockkernodd thought just a minute and said, “She must have hit her finger, poor ole thang.”

“Where do you want to go?” asked the now-nice non-toxicated revooner.

“Let’s go home,” replied Josephine Bockkernodd. “I want some ice cream with ketchup on it and maybe some pickles.”

Judge Robert R. Roberts went to his office, pulled off his long black robe that looked like a dress and rubbed his head which did not have any hair, pushed a button on a big black box and talked into it, saying, “Lucy, where is the $500 I got last week? I need to buy some moonshine and I need it now!”
 

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More to come? I dunno.
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Secretly copyrighted by Starla Anne Lowry, but don’t tell anyone.